Smelly watches every Nitro-era Nitro, Thunder, Clash, and PPV while sitting and sometimes maybe standing

[Spaceman Spiff]

Quote

before Palumbo attacks him with the flex bar

Was the flex bar referred to on screen as the Lex Flexer?  Or is that nomenclature something I remember from someone else recapping WCW at the time?

[SirSmUgly]

2 hours ago, Spaceman Spiff said:

Was the flex bar referred to on screen as the Lex Flexer?  Or is that nomenclature something I remember from someone else recapping WCW at the time?

That's the colloquial way they describe the bar on TV too.

[BobbyWhioux]

attacking Scott Steiner with a flex bar seems ill-advised.

Like, you know how in jRPGs, certain enemy monsters have certain elemental alignments?  So like if you try to use a blizzard spell on a Frost Giant (or whatever) it will actually heal them instead of doing damage?

I feel like trying to hit Scott Steiner with gym equipment would do the same thing

[zendragon]

I wonder what the math would be on that, now normally you got a 50/50 chance... 

[SirSmUgly]

16 hours ago, BobbyWhioux said:

attacking Scott Steiner with a flex bar seems ill-advised.

Like, you know how in jRPGs, certain enemy monsters have certain elemental alignments?  So like if you try to use a blizzard spell on a Frost Giant (or whatever) it will actually heal them instead of doing damage?

I feel like trying to hit Scott Steiner with gym equipment would do the same thing

YOU attack S. STEINER with FLEX BAR

FLEX BAR has no effect!!

S. STEINER LAUGHS

S. STEINER consumes "Protein Shake??"

S. STEINER ATK UP

S. STEINER RAGE UP

[SirSmUgly]

Great American Bash 2000 notes:

• It’s the final non-WWE Great American Bash, which is the same to me as saying that it’s the final Great American Bash!

 

• Recap: The last week of goings-on with Goldberg, Tank Abbott, and Kevin Nash.

 

• The popo stands around outside the ring waiting on a potential Goldberg arrival.

 

• Hype video: Nothing can hype any of the feuds or matches that have been built for this show. No chance, folks. Also, I do not like this XTREEM Great American Bash logo, and as someone who enjoys XTREEM ‘90s design a lot of the time, that’s saying something.

 

• “War (What Is It Good For)” sounds throughout the arena. Well, more like “War (How It Be Bad),” considering that this is a knockoff. Well, actually, it’s a knockoff of a knockoff on the Network, so let’s call it “War (NO GOOD, V BAD)” at this point. Lt. Loco is opening the match with a Cruiserweight Championship defense against Disco Inferno. Loco does some shitty comedy with a grenade and threatens to explode any interfering Filthy Animals with it. Disco and the rest of the Filthy Animals walk to ringside. Is it weird that Disco said that he wanted to join his friends, and Konnan is now his friend even though we spent all of 1998 and some of 1999 demonstrating that Konnan wanted nothing to do with this guy in kayfabe? We can’t remember this, but we can remember Hugh Morrus-Rection’s senile father?

 

• Disco wrestles in a Kobe Bryant jersey – the old number eight, pre-rape case – which I feel is nonsense for a New Yorker. Rock the Latrell Sprewell Knicks jersey instead, Disco. Wouldn’t you know it, the match is solid. There’s a nice back-and-forth opening in which Disco struggles to gain an advantage. Almost every time he dodges Loco’s attack, Loco counter-attacks him, culminating in a dive onto the floor that takes out Disco and scatters the Animals.

 

• Disco is able to toss Loco back to ringside shortly after that, and the Animals get their boots in, which transitions us into a Disco control segment. I’m thinking, hey, yeah, this might be the first match to get on one of my good lists in a while, and just as I think about this – I swear, as soon as the thought popped into my head – here comes Captain Rection’s senile pops. He hits on Tygress and gets shoved to the floor by Konnan. Almost everyone surrounds Rection’s pops, which is when Juvi jumps in the ring, attacks Loco, and whiffs on a People’s Juicy Elbow. Disco manages to hit a woozy Loco with a Chartbuster, but Cpl. Cajun interferes, hooks Disco, and drops him with a Whiplash 2000 before dragging Loco on top for three. Ruschoff seems mentally incapable of booking even a halfway decent finish to the rare promising match they manage to put together.

 

• After the match, the Animals stomp out the Misfits. Major Gunns considers using her mouth-to-mouth routine to revive pops, and Madden says this thing that Tony S. and Scott Hudson entirely ignore: “Pick an end, either way, it’ll revive him!” I mean, Jerry Lawler is jealous as hell of that call. Pops is so dead inside that it takes extra mouth-to-mouth before pops revives and attempts to get a little something something from the rapidly retreating Gunns. This "comedy segment" was apparently good enough to make people pay to watch on PPV according to Ruschoff.

 

• Bischoff and some cops sit in the back; the cops assure Bischoff that he’s safe.

 

• The Mamalukes are fucking annoying in their interview with Gene Okerlund. I mean, these fellas stink real bad at talking. They complain about having to cut an interview as part of their interview. Vito declares himself to be hardcore champ, and Okerlund does his thing where he creates turmoil by asking why Johnny the Bull isn’t the hardcore champ, just in time for these fellas to go out there and bicker about it during a match with KroniK.

 

• Speaking of KroniK, they’re up next against the Mamalukes. Meanwhile, I’m trying to figure out how the hell there is two-and-three-quarter hours’ worth of material on this show. I’m the biggest KroniK fan who posts in this thread by far, and I think the Mamalukes are capable of contributing to solid tag matches, so again, this is a match with a bit of promise. Vito won’t take off the hardcore belt; he stands there watching as the Bull tries and fails to use power to combat Clarke early on. Clarke does fun uranages and side Russians into the guardrail and stuff. Clarke can’t talk and needs to be led by better wrestlers to have matches better than “good,” but he’s exactly the sort of upper-midcard gatekeeper that this show needs now that Meng and Scott Norton are not on television.

 

• The Bull gets free and tags Vito, but Vito tries too much clubbering and catches a beatdown. He does dodge a Clarke charge and get in a few forearms, but when the Bull comes back in, Clarke is quickly back on top by using his power and size advantage. He finally tags in Adams, who was terribly utilized as a midcard singles guy, but who is very fun as one half of a destroyer tag team. See, he just drilled the Bull with a nice full nelson slam! That was, indeed, quite a bit of fun.

 

• I think the story of this match is that the ‘lukes are pretty powerful and good at clubbering, but if they’re going to play that game with KroniK, they’re going to find themselves entirely outclassed. I keep waiting for the Bull and Vito to go to the air, which they have done before, but they keep trying to dominate with power and they keep getting their offensive momentum snuffed out. The Bull tries a vertical suplex and gets reversed into a press slam gutbuster. Vito manages to get a knee in on Adams that allows the Bull to land a DDT and get a tag, and for the first time, the ‘lukes have something resembling extended control.

 

• Vito continues tossing forearms and hitting clotheslines, though, which is an obvious tactical error. He whiffs on a lariat and immediately gets tossed around again by KroniK; Adams then strips him of the tag title. Clarke thinks about using it, but then dismissively tosses it away while Adams fucking buries Vito with a DVD. That only gets two, but it was so disgusting that it should have gotten three. Vito is able to escape an Adams charge with a standing side kick and secure a tag; the Bull finally tries to go to the air, and even though he botches a leap from the mat to the top rope works because when he does it again and finally gets up there, Adams has long since arisen from his spot on the mat. The Bull looks like both a shoot and a kayfabe doofus as he crashes to the mat as Adams and Clarke casually stand there and calmly observe the Bull's stupid ass launching himself on a trip to nowhere. Then, they double shoulderblock him and, as the Bull looks for a tag to Vito that doesn’t come because Vito is recovering the hardcore belt, they hoist him up and drill him with a High Times for three.

 

• Holy shit, what do we have here? It’s a 2000 WCW match that has made my Good Matches list! Do you want to know the date of the last time I entered a match on that list? Just over a month ago, back on May 10^th, 2000, Chris Candido and Crowbar managed to have a good match in spite of it being booked during the Ruschoff Era. Gonna be honest: Anyone who managed to get on one of the good lists during the Ruschoff Era deserves a lot of credit. For example, I shit talk Vampiro, but that he even made it onto the Good Matches list once during this era means that I should give him a little more credit than I normally do.

 

• Uh, wait, everyone deserves credit except for David Arquette. He was a mere bystander while Jeff Jarrett and DDP did excellent work in the triple cage. No offense, Dave!

 

• Speaking of DDP, Pamela Paulshock attempts to interview Page about his match with Mike Awesome. She’s not good at it, but there’s no need to call her a bimbo, Page. That sort of attitude is why your “super-bitch of a soon-to-be ex-wife” left you.

 

• Awesome/DDP is, of course, next. Page wheels out Kanyon. Please don’t tell me that Kanyon’s been working a long con and is going to backstab Page. If he’s actually healed and helps Page beat Awesome, okay, that’s the good kind of swerve. But please, please, please do not do the “unexpected” and have him backstab Page.

 

• Both men knock out the red-haired ref early so they can obligabrawl without regard for such things as rules and counts, though neither of those things are being tightly ref’d anyway. You know, Page being taller than Awesome is tough on Awesome, who really needed to be more carefully booked if he’s supposed to be a monster. Then again, either way, Awesome hasn’t been booked as someone who is particularly dangerous.

 

• This is a stretcher match, which I forgot until they cut to a couple of paramedics. The paramedics first make their move about four minutes in, when Awesome tosses Page through a table with an Awesome Bomb. Page makes his way off the gurney when it gets halfway down the aisle, so Awesome follows up his attack with a chair. The match goes back into the ring, where Awesome continues to dominate. He lands one top-rope splash, then immediately goes up for another. He lands that, then holds a finger up and calls for one more, but not before he sandwiches Page between two chairs for that last dive. Unfortunately, he takes a minute to set things up and then another thirty seconds to squawk at someone in the crowd before launching, so he misses.

 

• As Kimberly shows up holding a rubber pipe, Tony S. asks WHAT ABOUT ME? WHAT ABOUT KIMBERLY? I miss the hell out of Raven. Kimberly swings the pipe, which bends ninety degrees on impact before popping back into a straight line. Why even use weapons like that which are so immersion breaking? Just have Kim hit him with something she can actually swing safely and credibly. Hancock stomps to ringside and drags Kim away as Awesome tries a top-rope Awesome Bomb; DDP counters the Awesome Bomb into an avalanche Diamond Cutter, then rolls Awesome onto the stretcher. The medics roll Awesome out when suddenly, Eric Bischoff’s music plays.

 

• GODDAMMIT

 

• FUCK

 

• FUCK YOU, RUSCHOFF

 

• Bischoff comes out here with a steel chair and, as Page attacks him, IT’S A SWERVE, BRO: Kanyon pops up out of his wheelchair, hits Page with a Diamond Cutter off the stage and through a breakable platform below, and then replaces Awesome on the gurney with Page, the latter of whom loses the match.

 

• Is it really a swerve if I expect it to happen because no one on this stupid ass company’s creative team understands how to book things logically or properly?

 

• G.I. Bro pulls a Shawn Michaels at WM XII and ziplines over the crowd and into the ring for his match against Shawn Stasiak, which is a Boot Camp Match, I suddenly recall. Stasiak stands at the top of the ramp in fatigues and camo makeup, looking like a broke-ass Stalker. That's particularly rough considering that the Stalker was a broke-ass Barry Windham! This is basically a Last Man Standing Match, is what it is, and the two men brawl around the ringside area to start before re-entering the ring.

 

• What commences is a perfectly acceptable match, pretty good, but not quite good enough to get on a good list. Stasiak is extremely limited in talent, but Booker is consistently fun, which really helps carry this bout. These fellas brawl in the ring. They brawl at ringside. They brawl into the crowd. It’s not a bad way to spend a few minutes. Both guys are willing bumpers, which helps a whole lot. Stasiak just makes it up at eight and manages a Hot Shot to gain some control. He lands his one good move in his whole arsenal, that leaping back elbow, to manage a Bro eight count of his own, but he soon loses control when he charges into a boot.

 

• Bro falls over, too, and both men get up at five; Stasiak is able to grab Book’s pants and dump him at ringside, where he beats him up in the aisle and then hits a vertical suplex onto the ramp. Booker again rises to his feet at eight, and I like that Stasiak is always extremely quick to jump right back on Bro as soon as he’s up again. They battle back into the ring, where Stasiak climbs the ropes and gets a nine count on a diving clothesline.

 

• Bro manages to reverse a vertical suplex, but he’s slow to get up because of the concentrated Stasiak attack, and Stasiak beats him to the punch with, er, not a punch, but a lariat. Bro’s up at eight, so Stasiak tosses Bro back outside. Stasiak doesn’t have a whole lot of ideas; he tosses Book over the guardrail even though we’ve already had a front-row fight in this match. I’m a fan of Booker, but he’s simply not going to be able to elevate a match with a long Shawn Stasiak control segment that much. Bro arises at nine after taking a chair shot to the back – Stasiak has been consistently targeting the back for most of his attack – and then is up at a well-timed nine-and-a-half after he eats a powerbomb in the middle of the ring.

 

• Stasiak slaps on a sleeper and tries to put Bro to night-night land since using force to keep him down doesn’t work. A BO-RING chant catches a bit of fire. This match was too long and asked Stasiak to do too much on offense, which is a shame. I think a shorter, slightly more violent match would have worked better. Anyway, Book makes a comeback and plants Stasiak with a Book End; Stasiak manages to get up at eight, but he stumbles right into a sick missile dropkick that I would buy as a finish if Chuck Palumbo didn’t run down here with the flex bar and try to attack.

 

• Bro dodges the attack, but Stasiak gets the bar and whacks Bro in the knee with it. Stasiak thinks he’s won, but Bro is up at nine, so Palumbo and Stasiak stomp him out. They try a bar attack, but Book ducks it and lands a double-clothesline, then Spinaroonies up and unloads on these fellas. He grabs the flex bar, decks Palumbo, and then drills Stasiak with the weapon. That keeps Stasiak down for ten. This was about as good as it possibly could be, almost completely thanks to Booker’s bumping, selling, timing, and fiery comebacks at the end.

 

• Gene Okerlund interviews Kanyon about his SWERVE, BRO; Kanyon tries to justify it by saying that Bischoff visited him in the hospital more than Page and that Bisch said that Kanyon could have DDP’s spot if he plotted against Page. We see video of Page busting out of the ambulance and limping away; the Goldberg truck is in the background. Kanyon’s not pressed about any of that, though, and he for the first time calls himself Positively Kanyon. Well, at least this is going to lead to Kanyon hitting randos with Diamond Cutters!

 

• Shane Douglas wrestles THE WALL, BROTHER in our next bout. Douglas declares FIRST OFF, YOU BALTIMORE PIECES OF SHIT, SIT DOWN because he is very good at working a mic and knows how to weave a story together with his words. He’s not a guy that needs to rely on shock value, no sirree! Funny enough, he challenges TW,B to a best-of-five table match. So, you need to break three to win, right? Alas, almost immediately, the fellas on commentary says that you need to break five tables to win – in other words, best-of-nine tables. You see where this is going, don’t you? No one is going to have any idea how this match works. Tony S. and Madden think it’s Bo9; Douglas said it’s Bo5. Let’s find out together which of these things is accurate!

 

• TW,B isn’t very good, but I do appreciate that he always works his ass off. I think through sheer will, he typically does just enough to make himself watchable. Not always – he’s been in a few stinkers – but most of the time. TW,B rolls Douglas early, blocks a Douglas swinging neckbreaker, and goes back to work. Douglas gets a shot in here and there, but until he blatantly cheats with an eye rake, he can’t get any control. He lands a nice vertical suplex and a neck snap, then lariats TW,B to the floor, gets some momentum, and double boots TW,B over (but not through) a table at ringside.

 

• This is another match that is better than it has any right to be. In fact, had it been consistently built, it might just have more crowd heat than it does. If you made this best-of-five three weeks ago and then had these fellas go at each other with escalating table attacks, you might just have something here. I digress. Douglas tries a vertical suplex through a table, gets blocked, and then is goozled and chokeslammed through a table. TW,B – 1; Douglas – 0. Douglas doesn’t fare much better immediately after, as he tries to fight back, but is roped in on a whip attempt and back suplexed through another table TW,B – 2; Douglas – 0.

 

• Douglas makes it back into the ring and begs off so that he can get a bit of space, but TW,B is on his Terminator shit. Douglas heads for the hills and backs down the aisle. Hudson: HE WANTS TO PUT [Douglas] THROUGH NUMBER THREE AND END THIS RIGHT NOW. OK, so Tony S. and Madden think it’s Bo9, and Hudson thinks it’s Bo5. Since Douglas gets a ladder and climbs it near a stack of three tables, I do believe that Hudson is correct. Or heck, maybe the other two dopes are correct and TW,B will crash Douglas through five tables total and win. Alas, Douglas pulls out some knucks and punches his way out of a goozle; TW,B plummets through the stack of three tables and it’s TW,B – 2; Douglas – 3. Douglas wins the match. Slick Johnson checks on TW,B, and the big man revives by goozling ol’ Slick and chokeslamming him through a table.

 

• Hollywood Hogan drives up in a charger, struggles to exit the front seat, and then yells SOMEBODY’S GONNA GET THEIR ASS KICKED in what I will very sarcastically describe as a tour de force performance on his part.

 

• Tank Abbott faces off with Scott Steiner (w/Shakira and Midajah) in the ASYLUM. Or no? No cage lowers. Wait, Penzer announces that Bischoff has allowed Rick Steiner to team with Tank Abbott tonight because the Asylum is Scotty’s signature match and they want to give Tank a chance, the conceit of course being that Tank made his name as a cage fighter and this therefore is the flimsiest of excuses for stacking the deck on Scotty. This is a dull two-on-one beatdown except for Shakira hamming it up on the apron, yelling invective at Rick Steiner and expressing frustration over Scott getting tossed into the cage.

 

• Tank prepares to deck Scott with a chain-assisted right hand, but Ricky doesn’t want him to take it that far. Tank swings it anyway, and Rick steps in front and takes the blow. Scotty lands a low blow on Tank, then puts him in a Steiner Recliner for the win. Scotty’s so over that the crowd pops for him even though this match was stupid as fuck.

 

• Ric Flair and his brood pop out of a limo, and hey, is that Charlotte? The Goldberg truck rolls up again in the background.

 

• Hype video: Hogan/Kidman. You guessed it: I remain un-hyped.

 

• Gene Okerlund interviews Hollywood Hogan before the match. One more month, you leathery shithead fuckboi. One. More. Month. Okerlund makes me laugh by no-selling a dumb Hogan quip (BLOOD IS THICKER THAN NEW BLOOD, DUDE, REMEMBER THAT) which foreshadows the end of the upcoming match.

 

• Billy Kidman (w/special ref Horace Hogan and, for some reason, Torrie Wilson) has been put way over in this feud and needs to maybe give at least one of his wins back tonight to build Hogan for another title run. Do I even need to talk through this match? Kidman looks like a chump, barely gets offense in, and loses to a brass knucks shot. Hogan’s act is fucking garbage and I don’t ever want to see it again. Well, except when he and a kid in the front row negotiate the number of times that Hogan should bash Kidman into the rail and then high five after the deed is done. That was a solid spot on Hogan’s part. Anyway, why was this match so fucking long? Kidman gets a couple of two counts, but there’s no threat there. Torrie gets involved; I don’t care. Horace and Hollywood pull a Rick and Scott from a match ago and make up. *sigh*, one more month. That’s all.

 

• Bischoff is displeased about the results of the previous match and takes it out on a cop.

 

• The desk tries to sell that Horace joining the New Blood to help his goofy uncle was a swerve that only Kidman sniffed out. Sure, why not, whatever.

 

• Hype video: Dopey Dave/Ric. There is a universe in which I might be hyped for this, but the one where Vince Russo is heavily involved in the match ain’t it. Why did they run two “if the old guy loses, he retires” matches on the same show? And one after the other, no less?

 

• Paulshock, rather than interviewing Dopey Dave, tells the guy he’s almost certainly gonna lose, which cracks me up. Russo and Dave get heated about it. OK, that got a laugh out of me. Okerlund conducts a more conventional interview with Ric Flair, who is and will always be incredibly over as a babyface in Baltimore no matter how old he is or what his actual character alignment might be.

 

• Flair’s brood sits in the front row for the match. David Flair (w/Vince Russo) is down first; Ric follows, flashes a casual thumbs up at a fan at ringside, and pretty much strolls out here like a boss, which he should absolutely do considering that he's in front of a Baltimore crowd. Ric outwrestles Dopey Dave with no trouble and disrespectfully slaps him. Not that hard, either, which is even more disrespectful than if he slapped the shit out of him. Baltimore chants about how much they hate New York and the Yankees and the New York Yankees while this happens; AL East beefs never die.

 

• Dave gets in a few chops, and then here’s what bums me out about Ric: He does his whole bump over the corner strut. Except he doesn’t quite make it over the corner strut because he’s north of fifty and can’t really cleanly hit this spot anymore. Also, should he be doing this bump for Dave? I know it’s his son and he wants to help the guy, and I know that he also loves working his match with his signature bumps and other spots, but I just saw Hogan annihilate Kidman one match earlier, and I don’t believe that Ric wouldn't be able to do the same thing to Dave right now. Hogan reeled off about five straight minutes of offense on Kidman, maybe more. Ric should have done the exact same thing before Dave got a single chop in.

 

• Dave fucks up an Irish whip reversal, but manages to launch Ric out to the floor so that Russo can hit Ric with a bat and handcuff him. Dave teeing off on Ric sure as heck works now; Dave locks on a Figure Four after a few chops, and Russo helps him with some leverage. This would have been more effective had Ric taken more of this match and looked to be coasting except for the desperate tactics of Russo. He needed to be greedier in this match.

 

• So, here begins the Flair family fuckery; Reid attacks Russo, lands a low blow, and steals the handcuff key. Reid drops the key when Dave attacks him, but ref Charles Robinson picks it up and uncuffs Flair. Then, the future Charlotte Flair hops the rail and cuffs Russo while he calls her a BITCH because calling a fourteen-year-old girl a BITCH is super-edgy, bros! That’s what I watch pro wrestling for!

 

• Meanwhile, Ric goes on ahead and annihilates Dave, just as he should. I do get a kick out of Dave begging off and jabbing a thumb into an advancing Ric’s eye, then going up top and having Ric be the one to catch him and toss him to the mat. Commentary surprisingly didn’t say much about that spot. You’d think Madden would have made a meal of it, at least. Ric pops on a Figure Four and gets an immediate submission before beating up a cuffed Vince Russo after the match; the Flair family joins him in the ring to celebrate after the match. Hey, I didn’t hate this!

 

• I will note that all the ladies are wearing heels. Beth hops down okay and then has to help Megan, who struggles, but Ashley hops off the apron and, while wearing heels mind you, sticks a perfect landing. If you were paying attention there, you might have guessed which Flair kid would have the necessary combination of athleticism and self-confidence to be an eventual pro wrestling star. Russo tries to ruin things by yelling about Ric’s whole BITCH FAMILY and threatening to retire Ric on Nitro the next night, but Russo's post-match nonsense is all a big whatever to me.

 

• Hype video: Sting/Vampiro. I vaguely recall this match having a very stupid ending. I do believe that there are three Sting matches from this era that are oft-cited as very stupid: The dog attack ending at the previous year’s GAB, the end of this match, and then a future match with a slew of fake Sting run-ins that may or may not involve Jeff Jarrett (we'll see when we get there).

 

• We see a shot of some firefighters outside just waiting to put one of these poor bastards out. Sting stands on the TurnerTron holding a torch during his entrance. He addresses Vampiro, who is already in the ring, and basically challenges Vamp to climb up there and try to light him on fire. OK, I see. Doesn’t a stuntperson stand in for Sting and take a plummet off that structure? While Vampiro entertainingly freaks out (hyperventilating at Madden: DID YOU KNOW ABOUT THIS?! WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME ANYTHING?!?! THIS IS BULLSHIT!), Sting rappels down and, um, goes to the ring to fight Vampiro after telling Vampiro to meet him up top. OK, uh, sure?

 

• Then again, maybe Sting himself is going to take the dive since he’s wearing a t-shirt. Either that, or he’s back on his early ’98 no-workout mode. Who the hell knows? But the match in the ring is actually pretty fun. Sting tries a Stinger Splash early, but leaps into a Vampiro boot right in the throat and makes a gagging sound. Vampiro rushes Sting in the other corner and gets countered into a Snake Eyes. Sting tries another Stinger Splash, leaps, lets out a little HAHAAAAA, but whiffs as Vampiro just barely dodges his attack. That was goofy, but in the best possible pro wrestling way.

 

• Vampiro gets a gasoline can and pours its contents all over the Stinger, who reacts when it gets in his eyes in particular. Sting rolls outside, where a couple of fans drawl out a TORCH HIS ASS. These dudes want to see someone get set on fire, even if it’s the beloved (?) Sting. They fight up the aisle, where Vampiro tries to climb up the scaffolding for the TurnerTron and get the torch. Sting tries to follow and does a stage bump, which would have more impact if DDP didn’t take the same exact bump in that exact same spot about fifty minutes ago. Sting recovers from that fall quicker than even DDP recovered from his to pursue Vamp up to the top of the TurnerTron. We can hear Vamp and Sting talking through this next series of spots as the lights suddenly start flickering so we can’t see Sting switch spots with a stunt person.

 

• Maybe it’s just me, but after Owen Hart died from a fall, my taste for stuff like Kanyon taking that cage bump onto the raised ramp (in Kemper, no less!) or Sting taking a dive off the TurnerTron is pretty much non-existent. Keep it in and around the ring because I have no desire to see guys plummet from heights like this in pro wrestling anymore. The lights go out long enough for the switch to happen and for Vamp to set a Sting stuntman on fire; the stuntman plummets through a different part of the stage while Hudson freaks out on commentary. Tasteless. It functionally wasn’t a bad match, and there was something pretty fantastic about the visual of “Sting” lighting up and then diving through the stage, and honestly, that is the exact win that Vampiro needed to actually seem like a crazed threat, but boy did that finish leave a sour taste in my mouth because of Owen Hart. I can’t really justify putting this on the Dirt Worst list, but it was simply too much. Russo is simply too much.

 

• Pamela Paulshock tries to scoop Okerlund on what the big surprise is, but Bischoff, talking on the phone, says that he’s so irritated and annoyed that NO SURPRISE is the big surprise. If only.

 

• Michael Buffer is back, and he’s here to introduce the competitors for the Jeff Jarrett/Kevin Nash WCW World Heavyweight Championship main event. The Cat comes to the ring after the contestants are announced (no errors from Buffer that I could catch). The Cat asks politely please for some attention from the crowd, please, but decides to just yell SHUT THE HELL UP and then introduce some special guests who will give this match the celebrity star power that it deserves. Konnan is our bell-ringer (or BELL RANGA in the Cat’s Southern drawl), Rey Misterio Jr. is our timekeeper, and Disco Inferno is the belt keeper. Of course, Juventud Guerrera is the special ring announcer – even more special than Buffer – and when the Cat gets to naming the special ref, he just chuckles and takes off his jacket, revealing a referee’s shirt. I guess Mickey Jay gets to hang around and do the bulk of the reffing, but the Cat will offer his guidance from outside the ring.

 

• OK, so after all that, the bell rings with 22 minutes left on this recording. Huh. A 22-minute Kevin Nash match in 2000. Well, let’s see just how good Jeff Jarrett really is. It’s one thing to have bangers with Chris Benoit on PPV, or even to have two really good matches with 1996 Giant on PPV, but it’s a whole other thing wrestling Nash in 2000 for nearly twenty minutes.

 

• Then again, it’s clear that this match is going to be focused on gaga and jibber-jabber; the Animals distract Nash almost immediately so Jarrett can get his pops in. Then, there’s a noise that I don’t hear, but everyone from Nash to the Cat to the fellas on commentary react like the building is rumbling, which obviously is teasing that the monster truck has found its way into the building.

 

• The match itself is pretty solid, by the way. They have an obligabrawl that is entertaining enough and that cuts through the crowd. The match makes its way back to the ring, where the Animals help Jarrett regain control of things. Jarrett attacks Nash’s knee and then tries to lock on a Figure Four that Nash blocks. Jarrett goes back to ripping at the knee and attacking it with elbows and stomps. He locks on a single-leg Boston Crab, but his positioning leaves Nash very close to the ropes. Nash gets a break, but Jarrett immediately goes back to targeting the knee.

 

• Jarrett tries a Figure Four again, and this time, he’s softened Nash up enough that he cinches it in. The Cat and Jay bitch at one another about the cadence of Jay’s count, but Nash avoids keeping his shoulders on the mat for three. They do some good work fighting over a reversal of the hold; Jarrett manages to block Nash’s turn, but Nash manages to grasp the bottom rope. As Mickey Jay backs off, Konnan lands a weak shot to Nash with the ring bell that only gets two when Jarrett covers.

 

• Jarrett tries to engage in fisticuffs with Nash, but he loses that battle and gets side slammed for two. Rey goes up to launch an attack, but Nash cuts him off after fighting off a few of the other Animals. Jarrett whiffs on a belt shot, and Nash recovers the belt and lands a shot of his own. He covers for one, two, and then Disco drops an elbow on Jay, knocking him out. Nash chases Disco outside the ring and right into a chair shot from Juvi; the Animals roll him in the ring while the crowd chants for GOLDBERG, the poor saps. The Cat takes over as the ref and initiates a standing ten count; Jarrett rolls on top of Nash at nine, but Nash manages to kick out before the Cat can complete a speedy three-count.

 

• The Animals attack and Nash fights them off, but gets caught by a Jarrett Stroke in the bargain. In a nice touch, Jarrett sells that he hit his own head when landing the Stroke, which exacerbates the damage he took from eating a belt shot and delays his cover, and that leads to a two count. Yeah, Jarrett having a match this enjoyable with 2000 Nash even with all the gaga (and not because of it, I don’t think) proves that as an in-ring guy, he’s definitely a main eventer. Now, as a character? As a talker? No. He’s a bolted-on upper-midcard gatekeeper. But his work became consistently excellent when he first arrived in WCW in 1996 and maintained as such through the middle of 2000. I don’t really rate country music star WWF Jarrett, but maybe I should go back and watch some of that stuff again. My current position is that he didn’t really get good until 1996, though.

 

• Jarrett goes out and grabs a guitar; he tries a KABONGing from the top rope, but Nash catches him with a goozle and chokeslams him. The Cat counts to two, but feigns an eye poke injury to avoid counting to three. Nash Jackknifes him, then big boots Jarrett and pulls the straps down. Mickey Jay is basically dead out there, so we have no ref. Nash lands a Jackknife and covers; Charles Robinson runs out to count the pinfall, but Rick Steiner and Tank Abbott put a stop to that. Outside the ring, Scott Steiner appears and ends up in a tangle with Tank in the aisle; inside the ring, the Animals beat down Nash. Rey gives him a Bronco Buster, and shortly after that, the Goldberg truck rolls to the top of the ramp.

 

• Goldberg’s music hits. The crowd pops huge. Goldberg gets in the ring as everyone scatters. Goldberg lines up Jarrett for a spear, but he chooses to spear Nash instead as the crowd dies. He points at Nash, tells Jarrett to cover, and revives Mickey Jay to count the pinfall.

 

• OK, had Goldberg lost his overness like so many people seem to claim he had by this time, sure, you can logically find a way to turn him heel here based on the fact that he’s still pissed at Nash for screwing him in ’98. And in ’99 during the first round of the October/November title tournament, for that matter. But Goldberg is the most over guy they have! He’s still a mega-babyface! People talk about how ridiculous it was for Stone Cold to turn heel in 2001 and align with the one guy who he bitterly feuded with for four years, and it was, but at least that produced memorable television, and at least the WWF had a handful of popular babyfaces they could use to fill that space, as unneeded as it was, at the top of the card.

 

• Here in WCW of 2000, the most over babyfaces are Goldberg by a ton, then Ric Flair and Sting after that, and only one of those guys is under forty and still fresh enough to build around. What is the point of this? It’s one of those turns where there actually is kayfabe logic in it, but there is no shoot logic. I don’t want to see this. Nobody wants to see this. I love Scott Steiner and Booker T., but they’re not exactly the Rock when it comes to “hot babyfaces who can fill that top spot on that side of the card.” Look, when Ruschoff’s dumb booking decisions hurt Billy Kidman or Vampiro, that’s needless harm to midcarders who were getting over, but their ceiling is popular midcarders anyway. Why would you kneecap your one cash cow main event babyface this way? It’s ridiculous.

 

• I think the lasting visual here is not Goldberg hugging Russo and Bischoff. It’s how, immediately after that happens, a bunch of fans on the hard cam side get out of their seats and sullenly walk out of the arena, leaving a gap of empty seats in the middle of the picture. Against all odds, Ruschoff actually put on a watchable PPV, mostly due to the hard work of the wrestlers to try and have good matches despite the nonsensical booking or layout they were given. The ending really overshadows all that, though, and I think Goldberg turning heel combined with Sting seemingly getting set afire and falling to his near-death were a terrible pair of booking decisions to close the show with. They should have at least re-arranged those last four matches. Hogan/Kidman, then Sting/Vampiro, then Ric/Dave, and finally the main event. That splits up the two “old guy must retire if they lose” matches and also gives the crowd a cheerer-upper after seeing “Sting” take the dive. I also wouldn’t have had Russo kill the vibe by yelling at Ric after being beaten up or, you know, had Goldberg turn heel, but if I couldn’t change anything but the match order, that’s what I would have done.

 

• Alright, let’s hope this Goldberg heel turn lasts about as long as the Sting 1999 heel turn did. Two months, max, and then lets get back to business without hurting Goldberg more than he’s already been hurt by this ill-advised SWERVE, BRO.

[SirSmUgly]

Show #244 – 12 June 2000

"The one with all the SONUVABITCHES (allegedly)"

• One more month! Less than a month, really. Twenty-five days, I think.

 

• Recap: The Great American Bash happened, and while it couldn’t be described as good, it also at the very least couldn’t be described as bad. Thank the wrestlers in the ring and not the doofuses running the show for that.

 

• Russo, Bischoff, and Goldberg step out of a limo.

 

• Vince Russo has made Scott Hudson commentate with his shirt off. That is a lot of body hair that Hudson has. If I had that much body hair, I’d be yelling AAAH KELLY CLARKSON in a waxing spa somewhere. But you know, good for Hudson for owning it!

 

• Ruschoff walks to the ring to crow. The mic work is poor. There are cops surrounding ringside. Bisch says that he’s just helping Goldberg protect his spot from the vets who begrudgingly let him into the upper level of the card a couple of years prior. Also, Bischoff says that Goldberg is like FUCK THEM KIDS w/r/t autographs and stuff.

 

• Goldberg joins Ruschoff to cut a promo about how the crowd cheered for other babyfaces while he was injured, and man, that made him sore as hell. Now, he’s aligned with the booker men who want to clear those guys out of the company. He also tries to get over FEAR THIS as his heel catchphrase. Naaaaaaaaaaaaah.

 

• Kevin Nash joins the segment to retort. You created this monster, you dope. So, Goldberg got bleeped on SONSABITCHES, but Nash is running up the SHIT counter unbleeped and then gets in an unbleeped SONUVABITCH to boot. Nash whines about how Goldberg’s booking has been immaculate, actually, and a bunch of main eventers laid down for him, so what the hell is Goldberg even upset about? Oh no, we’re here for some stupid-ass shoot-bang shit that ends with Goldberg refusing to do a job in kayfabe. Should I just put this feud on the Worst Feuds list now, or what? Nash tries to get to the ring, but the cops subdue and handcuff him. Russo apparently can get the cops not to arrest a guy who assaulted them just so that he can book Nash/Goldberg for later tonight. Also, this bum Russo also gets to yell SONUVABITCH unbleeped. What the hell? Why is SONSABITCHES not okay, but SONUVABITCH okay?

 

• The Randy Savage Slim Jim commercial where he’s in an asylum has been left in the upload, and I once again am bummed that we never got a Goldberg/Savage feud.

 

• Now the modern day Slim Jim commercial with archival footage of Savage and modern footage of L.A. Knight and Bianca Belair plays. I have now progressed to being super-bummed that we never got a Goldberg/Savage feud.

 

• Jeff Jarrett corrals the Cat in the hallway and asks him to book Jarrett/Hogan for the world title tonight rather than waiting for Bash at the Beach; the Cat is amenable to the idea.

 

• Vince Russo barks at Nash and, uh, Nash’s nephew as they load Nash into a cop car. Scott Steiner suddenly rushes in and chases Russo around the car while yelling SCREW YOU.

 

• Recap: It was a Monday ago that Terry Funk lost the tag title. It feels like years, partially because I haven’t been able to review a show per day lately, but also because holy shit, too much nonsense happens on these shows.

 

• Vito defends the Hardcore Championship against Terry Funk; Johnny the Bull is indisposed. Because he’s taking a shit, you see. Vito locks the Bull in the commode and then is immediately attacked by Funk. They do the typical backstage garbage brawl deal. It’s beyond boring at this point. Funk rolls a gate onto a prone Vito and then waffles him with a chair; a security guard protests this behavior and gets clonked in the dome with a chair, too.

 

• Funk hammers Vito in the forehead with an empty water cooler bottle, but is hit in the head with a trash can in turn. DJ Ran still works in this company apparently; they move up near his equipment and fight into a cage where the Nitro Girls now dance. Funk takes a bump from that elevated platform and through some tables below. I do think Vito and Funk both work very hard and that this is about as good as one of these matches could possibly be at this point, in fairness. They make it back to the ring, where Vito hits the Funker with a Paisan Plunge onto a chair. Funk gets right back up from that move, which is a finisher that means nothing, I suppose.

 

• Funk does not, however, get up from a piledriver that Vito hits from the apron and through a table sitting on the floor. This improbably got Vito a decent rub and, even though I didn’t love it because of the nature of the match itself, deserves to be on a good list. It was simply that well executed and, if you like this style of trash matches, is probably the best one of these that WCW has ever done, or at least the best one they’ve done since Hardcore Hak left the building. Funk grabs the belt and magnanimously raises Vito’s hand, but Vito is a real SONUVABITCH and rudely attacks Funk as soon as the Funker’s back is turned.

 

• The Cat walks around looking for Hollywood Hogan to give him the news of his impending title shot.

 

• Vampiro stands in a boiler room and tells some hooded figure that he’s vanquished Sting. The hooded figure demands that Vampiro take more souls, much to Vamp’s reluctance. Is Kevin Sullivan back on the booking committee, or like what?

 

• Scott Steiner takes custody of Nash’s nephew while Nash gets things sorted out with the cops. Nash gets a guffaw out of me by leaving this parting advice for Scotty: “Scotty, he’s eight years old, man, keep the freaks away from him.” HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

 

• It’s Shane Douglas, who got a win over THE WALL, BROTHER last night and insists on talking about himself as a reward for his victory. He says that his latest WCW run hasn’t been all that great – true – and that his partner Buff Bagwell was suspended for reasons that are unfair – untrue; the guy (allegedly) dropped an N-bomb on a WCW crew member while physically attacking him – but now Buff is back to tag with him. Buff walks out to a pop, grabs the mic, and calls KroniK “Colonic” because they’re a pain in the ass; then, he points out his own clever wordplay. Well, you know, relative clever wordplay. Buff offers a challenge to KroniK, who immediately answer. So, it would make sense to have Buff and Shane sneak a victory here against the number one contenders, and then put the belts on KroniK. Boom, you’ve got a ready-made title feud.

 

• Adams tosses Douglas around to start, and Clarke continues the assault. I enjoy that double-shoulderblock spot KroniK does quite a lot. Clarke fires off a couple of loud chops and continues to always do something that makes me take notice in his matches. Buff jumps in to break up a Clarke Meltdown, and this allows Douglas to slip in a Side Russian and a neck snap. Douglas gets a, um, hot tag to Buff? Who gets a face pop? Buff rolls Kronik and goes up and lands a Blockbuster on Clarke. However, Douglas blindly tags Buff because he wants to hit a Pittsburgh Plunge and get the pinfall for himself. That’s a grave mistake, as it allows KroniK to recover, dispose of Buff, and land a High Times on Douglas for the win. OK, this also works if you just want to turn Buff face again. Fair enough. After the match, Buff and Shane discuss their lapse in strategic communication, and Shane chooses to settle their disagreement with a back-jumping and some name-calling. Specifically, he calls Buff, you guessed it, a SONUVABITCH. I think this review just secured its title.

 

• The Cat chews out Doug Dellinger for not having the talent – specifically, Hollywood Hogan – at the arena on time. Dellinger manages not to pull a Buff Bagwell (allegedly) while in a verbal disagreement with a black person and opts to call the Cat “sir” instead. What restraint!

 

• Gene Okerlund asks Billy Kidman about his failures at GAB and wonders what his opinion is on the Jarrett/Hogan title match later tonight. Kidman’s opinion is that such an important match calls for a special guest referee, and he leaves ostensibly to have himself inserted in that role.

 

• Press conference: Paisley and TAFKAPI still exist. Paisley announces that TAFKAPI is now only to be known as TA. *sigh*, then Captain Morrus-Rection’s senile pops comes out from under the table and tells a shocked Paisley that he “only wanted some pie,” you know, like POONTANG PIE (man, was the Rock a cornball or what?), but actually, he has a literal cream pie in his hand. Because, you know, it’s a double-entendre. The sort of double-entendre, in fact, that depends on a pie randomly being under this exact table and senile pops also being under the table and finding it so that he could eat it? Or something like that? Paisley and The Artist shove the guy around to end both the press conference and the pathetic attempt at comedy.

 

• The Misfits in Action invade the ring; Morrus-Rection has the nerve to mock The Artist for changing his name on a regular basis and then challenges TA to a match for shoving around a guy who he refers to as both his grandfather and his pops. Meanwhile, Tony S. misspeaks and says we have “fifteen hours and twenty-eight minutes” of show left. See? It’s not just me who finds these Ruschoff episodes to be endless slogs – not to make an insensitive comparison, but the Misfits in Action might call these shows metaphorical Bataan Death Marches.

 

• Paisley and The Artist walk onto the ramp; Paisley, as spokesperson, says that TA will only accept if he gets to wrestle Lt. Loco for the Cruiserweight Championship. Paisley’s modification to the challenge is accepted, and we get a short little bout that starts with a move that I thought hurt Chavo, but TA ends up being the one who sells the damage. It gets better, mostly because these guys unload with a lot of speed, but boy, can you see the massive gap in talent between Loco and TA. TA badly regressed as a worker; he was improving and pretty decent at one point.

 

• So, Chavo sets TA up for a Gunns ball shot. Paisley tries to interfere, but Gunns shoves her to the mat. Loco then lands a tornado DDT on TA for the win. Senile pops/grandpops tries to give mouth-to-mouth to Paisley. This is fucking dire, man.

 

• Ric Flair’s brood exits a limo and files past the Cat, who is impatiently waiting on Hogan. Elsewhere in the backstage area, Russo has some ladies with him and instructs them on keeping Goldberg happy, but when he brings them over to Goldberg, Goldberg reacts in a way best described by Marion Band$: “Bitch, I’m chasin’ money/You don’t deserve a description/It takes some sacrifices/To get in this position.” I mean, he doesn’t call the ladies “bitches” or SONSABITCHES even, but pretty much he’s here for business, not pleasure, and he makes that clear. He had no bars, though.

 

• The Cat waits. The Charger rolls up. The Cat tries to sell Hollywood on getting his title shot tonight. So, this is pretty good because I got lulled to sleep; Hogan reacts to having to talk to a black person with surprising glee, probably because of the title shot he’s getting. He calls the Cat “Kathmandu,” an improvement on what he might call the Cat if he were secretly being recorded during a post-coital conversation (allegedly). The Cat and Hogan share a moment, and as Hogan walks away, the Cat reaches out and taps him on his shoulder. “One more thing,” the Cat intones, and as Hogan turns around, from off-screen, a guitar suddenly swings into the picture and KABONGs Hogan with a loud crack. I should have been waiting for Jarrett to enter the picture, but I simply forgot that he might show up and was absolutely surprised by the sudden attack. That was pretty good!

 

• The camera pans over and shows a downed Horace Hogan; Horace was apparently attacked off-screen. Had Hollywood glanced to his left when he stepped out of his car, he would have seen that the fix was in, but the Cat distracted him enough to keep him preoccupied.

 

• Vince Russo (w/Dopey Dave) enters the ring to complain some more about Ric Flair. Russo declares pride in David Flair’s efforts at GAB and demands appreciation for this poor dopey sap from the crowd. Then, after Dave gets no appreciation from the crowd, Russo complains about getting his ass kicked all the time. Tony S. rightly points out that Russo could just maybe stop getting in wrestling rings if he wanted to avoid further harm. Russo: FLAIR, I AM NOT A DAMN LAMBCHOP, YOU WILL NOT CHOP RUSSO AGAIN. Uhhhhhhh, what? No, never mind, I don’t care, just stop talking already and let’s do this stupid angle.

 

• Russo makes another retirement match challenge to Ric, who walks onto the ramp to respond. Ric is amused by this shrimp Russo trying to talk some shit and treats him like the clown that he is. Ric’s basically bored by Russo and suggests that Russo move on and bother someone else. Russo is so aggy he could cry, and Ric assumes that it’s because of that beating he took last night and also Russo’s wife being disappointed at Russo’s lacking stamina in the sack. Ric just wants to bring David home and make good with him, but Russo will do anything to get another retirement match with Ric.

 

• Ric considers it and says that he’ll wrestle Russo, but only if Russo retires once Ric wins. Flair gets a bark of laughter out of me when he says: “Me and Bischoff [will run the company together]; we get along GREAT.” Also, Ric wants to shave Russo’s hair if he wins, just as he and the Horsemen did to Eric Bischoff what seems like eons ago on Nitro (Show #175). Russo is terrified of losing his mane, but eventually, he says that he’d never shy away from a fight, especially not in front of all the SUPER GAYS in Richmond, who are SUPER GAY, and therefore, uh, not the type of people in front of which to decline a challenge. Something like that, but it’s hard to parse because Russo is a fucking idiot with stupid ideas and no talking ability. I think we end up with a tag match between Russo and Dopey Dave and Ric and Reid. I think. It’s either that or a handicap match, no Reid in the bout, but Reid seconding Ric at ringside. Something like that.

 

• Goldberg and Nash look angry on split screen.

 

• Ref Billy Kidman enters the ring to referee this Jeff Jarrett/Hulk Hogan title bout. Jarrett calls Kidman a SLAP ASS, which is rude. He’s on your side! Jarrett demands that Kidman ring the bell and count Hogan out, which Kidman is more than happy to do, but of course “Rockhouse” hits, I get hives, and Hollywood Hogan walks out here. Jarrett had a good match with Nash the night before, but 2000 Hulk Hogan is essentially useless because he still works like it’s 1985, but as a far less giving version of his 1985 self. I don’t blame Jarrett for not having a good match with Hogan because it’s pretty much impossible to manage that in 2000.

 

• Hogan plays the hits on offense as he destroys Jarrett as easily as he destroys everyone. Kidman actually calls this match fairly. Huh. I’m assuming that this is a swerve, but then again, maybe Jarrett shouldn’t be calling his buddies SLAP ASS. Kidman rips a chair away from Jarrett and tosses it to Hogan, who uses it. Is this another SWERVE, BRO? Russo and Goldberg come out to observe. Goldberg walks down a bit late, and Kidman has to count veeeery sloooooowly so that Goldberg can make the save on a Hogan legdrop. Goldberg spears Kidman and presses him to the floor; then, Goldberg spears Hogan. Why wouldn’t I like this for DA MAN? Goldberg has been tormented by both Hogan and Nash for years. Good for this guy getting some sweet revenge! Russo and Jarrett set up a table so that Goldberg can Jackhammer Hogan through it, which is a pretty nice spot. Jarrett sprays a tag on Hogan; suddenly, G.I. Bro (?!) runs down, punches Jarrett, and uh, gets Goldberg to bail? I am a huge Booker fan, but um, NO. Absolutely not.

 

• The booking is all wrong. Just complete nonsense. I don’t ever want to see Goldberg bail out from a fight ever again. And there is no reason for Kidman to suddenly help Hogan. Ruschoff will try to explain it, but they’ll fail miserably.

 

• DDP recovered quickly enough from his stage dive at GAB to be here tonight. He has a lemon with him. Oh no, is this going to be a promo based on a dumb metaphor? Nope, Page says he’s just going to get a beer and pop some lemon in it after this promo. I assume a Hefe, based on the lemon? Page talks about how he beats the odds no matter how people might try to discourage him. Page goes with the insult of ASSHOLE instead of SONUVABITCH when Eric Bischoff comes out the stage, flanked by Kimberly and Kanyon. Nice job changing things up, DDP.

 

• Page does his thing that most divorced or almost-divorced guys do, which is reminisce on old times to try to keep his wife from leaving. It seems like it might work, based on Kim’s face. Page then tells Kanyon that he passed down all this knowledge he got from Nick Patrick’s dad, Dustin Rhodes's dad, and Grizzly Smith's poor, tormented son to Kanyon, and he’s bummed that Kanyon paid him back in scorn. Page refers to Tenay asking him if he was the central problem in all his failing relationships a couple weeks ago on Thunder, and he wonders if maybe he could have been. Then again, he decides that it doesn’t matter either way; wrestling has taken his wife and friends from him, so he quits. He leaves through the crowd while Bischoff yells into a mic that doesn’t work about how he wants Page to stick around for more punishment. That actually was a quite well-executed promo from DDP, who also had the nice interview with Tenay. I get on the guy when he’s terrible on the stick, so I should praise him for being very good as well.

 

• After a break, the desk speculates on DDP’s status as a pro wrestler; Tony S. pimps WCW Reload and asks the fans to log onto the internet and tell Jeremy Borash what they thought about GAB. Finally, Tony S. informs us that Real Estate Steve is off to the beaches of Aruba and maybe will be looking at condos to refurb for a couple of months. Not that directly, of course, but you know that's what's going down.

 

• Vampiro enters the ring and gives himself some credit for putting Sting out of WCW. He’s pleased that he’s scarred Sting and imagines Sting as “scream[ing] like a little BITCH,” but not like a little SONUVABITCH. Vampiro offers a challenge to anyone in the back who would like to go to hell with him; Madden quotes John Milton (!!!) over at the desk.

 

• So, guess who answers the challenge?

 

• Go on, guess.

 

• The fucking KISS DEMON is back. He blows fire from a torch just like Ricky Steamboat did in his second WWF run Gene Simmons apparently does in concert or music videos (allegedly). This is a brief match that Vampiro dominates; they fight up the ramp, where Vampiro climbs partway up the TurnerTron. He jumps off with a double-axe and might have hurt himself on the dive. That’s it. The match is over.

 

• Scotty Steiner leaves Nash’s nephew with Shakira before heading to the ring with Midajah. Come on, Scotty, Nash had one request!

 

• Nash still looks angry, but at least he doesn’t have to share the screen with Goldberg this time.

 

• Russo cries about possibly losing his hair while Dopey Dave tries to calm him down.

 

• Kanyon (w/Kim) walks to the ring to DDP’s theme. He’s “Champagne” no more! Now he’s “Positively” Kanyon. I guess DDP’s pleas to Kanyon and Kim didn’t work because they are out here giving zero fucks about Dallas walking away from the game. However, Kim is excited about her budding fragrance line that Bischoff funded for her. She actually cracks me up by doing some funny boilerplate class-conflict heeling. After she says that the ladies in the crowd can’t afford her fragrance, Kanyon whispers something in her ear, and she responds out loud, “Oh yeah, Target all over the place.” Heh heh heh. She then suggests that the fellas in the crowd work real hard and save up their beer money to maybe one day afford a bottle for their less-attractive partners.

 

• Kanyon takes the mic and is like I DID A SWERVE, BRO, AREN’T YOU IMPRESSED THAT I DID A SWERVE, BRO? No one is impressed in this era, buddy. Kanyon hawks his book, which is DDP’s book with his face and name taped over it. He says that it was written by Madden, who casually comments that it was “a labor of love” at the desk. This mic work was all very funny to me, including Madden's off-hand comment, but the live crowd did not care about any of the material they heard, unfortunately. Kanyon is excited to try out his new innovation the Diamond Cutter on his opponent tonight.

 

• His opponent tonight, Scott Steiner (w/Midajah) gets in the ring and is the second guy to get bleeped tonight. To wit: KANYON, YOU COME OUT HERE WITH PAGE’S WIFE, AND YOU ACT LIKE IT’S A BIG DEAL. WHY DON’T YOU TELL ME WHO HASN’T BEEN WITH THAT [BITCH (I assume; could have been some other objectionable term for women)]. Well, considering why Kimberly ultimately leaves the company, uh, Scotty targeting her with verbal abuse was certainly a moment.

 

• Kanyon and Steiner proceed to throw bombs at one another, including Kanyon with a flapjack sit-out spinebuster type of deal that is absurdly high-impact. Kanyon hits the ref with a Diamond Cutter. Steiner military presses Kanyon and then hits a suplex. Kim runs away and, as it turns out, found Mike Awesome and got him to complete a run-in attack Steiner before Steiner can sink in a Steiner Recliner on Kanyon. KroniK runs down to make the save. This was like two minutes of hoss bombs. I really enjoyed it for the short time that it endured.

 

• Ms. Hancock cuts off Kim’s escape and backs her into the ring. Kim refuses to hit a person wearing glasses, so Hancock takes them off and advances. Kim…sprays her fragrance in her own face, which causes Hancock to slightly delay in selling the mist that never actually came anywhere near her eyes. Kim stomps Hancock’s glasses and leaves.

 

• Paulshock tries to interview Scott Steiner, who calmly says, “You’re very beautiful, but not now” before seizing the mic and unloading a diatribe toward Ruschoff. Then, Scotty turns to Shakira and asks where Nash’s nephew is. Would you believe it? Shakira’s like, Uh, well, I saw him a second ago, but I really can’t say right now.

 

• Vince Russo and David Flair walk to the ring to wrestle Ric Flair (w/Reid Flair) in what is a handicap match. Glad we got that all cleared up. Flair ping pongs both guys, then chops Russo, who doesn’t react. Flair rips Russo’s jacket off, finds a chest protector there, and rips that off before chopping Russo to a much greater effect.

 

• Flair goes back to Dave and locks on a Figure Four, but Russo attacks him with the bat. Dave tackles Reid as Russo gets a mic and yells BETH, BRING YOUR CUTE LITTLE ASS IN HERE, and this whole show has been weird and uncomfortable with all the “shocking” language. Russo gives Beth a tchotchke statue and suggests that she use it to hit her husband before they got get a hotel room for a night of deep fucking. Security intercepts Charlotte as she slides into the ring; Megan grabs a towel and tosses it in to end the match. The crowd chants BULLSHIT, and not in the ”wow, this was a good angle that got me incensed sort of way.” They’re doing it in the “please stop trying to kill off Ric Flair in the Mid-Atlantic area” sort of way. Russo and Dave shave Ric’s head.; then, they shave Reid’s head. This is what can only be described as shitty television. No one wants to see this nonsense. Dirt. Worst.

 

• Kevin Nash comes to the ring for the main event; Goldberg’s music plays, but an array of New Blood members walk out first, then flank Goldberg as DA MAN walks down the ramp. Goldberg clubbers away, runs into a big boot, and both bails in a cowardly fashion and no sells the damage from the big boot at the same time somehow. He gets back in the ring and regains control. The crowd settles on a GOLDBERG SUCKS chants while Goldberg tosses forearms, and in a nice spot, an incensed Goldberg responds to the chant by hitting a low blow on Nash.

 

• Nash manages to toss Goldberg into a turnbuckle for a bit of relief, but a few New Blood mooks run a distraction so that Goldberg can be handed a chair; he lands a chair shot, then takes off his glove so that he can punish Nash with bare knuckle shots. Nash’s nephew wanders out here to watch, and of course, Russo immediately makes his way to ringside to creepily harass another kid. This time, he makes the kid watch Nash get his ass tore up. Scott Steiner storms the aisle and starts knocking out New Blood mooks and cops, but the cops take out the night sticks and treat him like Nailz treated the Big Boss Man back in '92. The Cat jumps into the circle of cops and gets a cheap shot in on Scotty. Meanwhile, Goldberg has punched Nash into bloody unconsciousness; the kid slides in the ring and checks on his downed uncle while Russo celebrates and while I think: Hey, what if two dudes just had a match without all this nonsense bullshit that Russo thinks makes for more intrigue?

 

• Bad show, but props to Vito and Terry Funk for being a surprising (to me) bright spot in the murky darkness that is 2000 WCW. Oh, and thanks to Kanyon and Kim for actually landing some of the comedy this show continually tries (and usually fails) to land. -25,000 out of 5 Stinger Splashes.

[BobbyWhioux]

in Big Poppa Pump's defense, Shakira was the less freaky of the two freaks, to my recollection.

[SirSmUgly]

Thunder Interlude – show number one hundred and fourteen – 14 June 2000

"The WCW Gang really steps it up on the physical attacks against women and the rape threats"

• I counted, and I’m pretty sure it’s actually 26 more days as of this Thunder (I got the date of BatB ’00 wrong in the last Nitro review – we were at 28 more days, not 25)…Only 26 more days, and then I’m FREEEEEEEEEEEEE…

 

• Recap: Goldberg is now a heel, and the theory that Russo went down south to destroy WCW for good is a) wrong, but also b) tempting to believe considering this ill-advised heel turn he's authored…

 

• Cars pulling up to shows is the laziest and worst recurring way to start a show…Russo, Dopey Dave, the Cat, and Jeff Jarrett get out of a limo…Russo demands to know where Bisch and Goldberg are and then becomes incensed when an R&B Security mook tells him that the cops are done with standing around and policing all of Russo’s bullshit…Kevin Nash pulls up in a car a few seconds after they all walk into the building…Lazy as fuck, showrunners…

 

• I note that Bobby Heenan is not at the desk anymore…I think he sticks around doing Worldwide until nearly the end of this year, but maybe we can just say a “wow, he wasn’t very good for most of his WCW run, but at least he got good health insurance” for him now, just in case he doesn't show up during this watch again…[Editor’s note: Heenan was out due to an illness in his family, so maybe we’ll get a few more weeks of him before we turn his job over to a combo of Mark Madden and Stevie Ray]…

 

• Check what I said earlier…The laziest and worst recurring way to start a show is a heel gabfest in the ring…We don’t talk enough about how shitty Russo is on the stick…We focus on his bad booking and his shitty finishes…And his desire to be a wrestler…But he’s just awful on the mic…Jarrett complains about Kidman and Hollywood Hogan… Jeff Jarrett “Slapnuts/Slapass” Count: Two, but only the second one is bleeped for some reason…

 

• Russo is feeling himself so much that he forgets that this show is taped, and he should be saying “Two nights ago” rather than “last night” as he celebrates the forced retirement of Ric Flair…Russo does a terrible job of narrating a recap package of New Blood victories from last night two nights ago…Russo says that he’s a magnanimous dude who has decided to bring Ric Flair back tonight…He holds up a Mr. Potato Head, naturally…Russo turns his attention back to Kevin Nash, who is quick to respond…

 

• Nash threatens Russo with a beating…Nash quotes the Rock as part of the threat…Seriously, he’s stealing Rock’s catchphrases to get a pop…Talking about turning stuff sideways and sticking it up Russo’s ass…Nash beats security mooks with his rubber bat while Russo and Jarrett take off…Dopey Dave and the Cat stick around to take bat shots…I love that everyone sells these baseball bat shots to the dome like they bumped their heads on a shelf…It’s supposed to be a baseball bat…Why not sell it like death, which it would quite possibly be if you were hit in the head with a baseball bat?...This is even more immersion breaking than Triple H carrying a sledgehammer around that he never swings…

 

• Russo screams into a phone at Bischoff…He’s hoping that Goldberg can get here in time to bail him out…Russo wants everyone to stick together, but everyone splits to handle their own business and leaves him alone…From off screen, Nash calls out Russo’s name and continues to stalk him…

 

• KroniK should be tag champs again because they’re the only good tag team on this show now that Three Count and the Jung Dragons have been shuffled off the screen…However, they could use a manager to talk for them…Is J. Biggs still in this company?...Adams is out here doing the talking, which is unfortunate…He wants Stasiak and Palumbo to give them their tag title shot that they earned at GAB, and they want it now…

 

• Chris Candido is the guy to respond, though…He says that he has his own goals…Then, he says that he got a buddy from Jersey to come help him achieve those goals…Bam Bam Bigelow returns after a handful of weeks off television…He and Candido rush the ring…Clarke has no issue handling Candido early…Candido has about the same luck against Adams…Bigelow finally gets in the ring to save Candido after Adams lands an F5…Adams tosses Bammer into the announce table, then re-enters the ring and helps Clarke land a High Times on Candido for three…Welp, I guess we see where Candido sits in the pecking order…Bam Bam comes in the ring and tangles with both guys until security breaks the melee up…I don’t believe that Bam Bam can stand toe to toe with KroniK, sorry…Bigelow is cooked…It’s not 1989, and I don’t buy it…

 

• Russo plays hide and seek with Nash backstage…It’s extremely boring….He tries to escape in the limo, but Nash has flattened the tires…Maybe he should try calling a taxi a la The Total Package…Silver King isn’t in the company to steal the ride, so it should work…

 

• Vito (w/Johnny the Bull) is next to the ring…Vito insists on talking before this match, unfortunately…He is pleased about his victory over the Funker and promises to be a fighting champ…The Bull is bummed about not getting to be champ, though…Vito defends his position by rightly pointing out that he beat Funk by himself…The Bull says that if he wasn’t taking a shit, he could have beaten Funk…

 

• Vito says that he wants to keep the peace, so he’s glad to share the belt with the Bull…He even straps the title on the guy and raises his hand…Of course, he cracks a relaxed, celebrating Bull with a kendo stick…This is now a match, I suppose…In a cool spot, he lands a Paisan Plunge on the Bull from the apron and through a table set up on the floor…Is Vito actually a useful part of this roster?...I’m coming around to the possibility that he might be…Vito has looked like something of a threat lately, and we simply can’t have a young guy looking like a threat, so Nash walks out here, cracks him with the bat, and grabs a mic just to tell Russo that he’s still looking for him…Russo sees this on a monitor backstage and freaks out…

 

• The business that Dopey Dave wanted to handle is getting all smoochy with Ms. Hancock…Fair enough…I sure as hell wouldn’t be hanging around Russo if Hancock were interested in spending some time with me, either…

 

• Shane Douglas is going to talk now…Bummer…Douglas justifies his backstabbing of Buff by saying that Bagwell cost him money by getting suspended like a dumbass…Also fair enough!...Douglas says that the only time Buff was on top of WCW was when Buff was standing in the ring with him…Nah…The only time Buff was on top of WCW was when he was standing next to former tag team champion Judy Bagwell…Buff hustles to the ring to jump Douglas, but Bam Bam and Candido are right behind him…It’s the revival of the Triple Threat!...Sure, why not steal an idea from ECW instead of the WWF for once, Russo…KroniK backs up Buff and makes the save…

 

• We get video of Rick Steiner and Tank Abbott riding boomer bikes together from earlier in the day…Palumbo and Stasiak sit in the back watching the video and making fun of them in the least funny way possible…Tank and Ricky jump them in response…Tank’s like THAT WAS TAPED, YOU IDIOTS…I mean, yeah?...It was clearly afternoon outside in the tape…

 

• Russo frets backstage and freaks out when the Cat walks up from behind him…The Cat is now the commissioner, officially, apparently…Neat…A limo pulls up, and Cat and Russo think it’s Goldberg…It is not…Cat opens the door and immediately turns around and runs…Scott Steiner calmly steps out of the limo and sends Russo scampering…

 

• Positively Kanyon does his mock DDP act, right down to the goofy clichéd promo work…He’s teaming with Mike Awesome tonight…Kanyon tries to be funny, but nope, he doesn’t come close…Oh no, now Mike Awesome is talking?!...This guy sucks at talking…Not everybody needs to talk, Ruschoff…Awesome gets around to making an open challenge to anyone in the back…Are there even any more tag teams in this company?...

 

• Ah, I see, Tank Abbott and Rick Steiner answer the call…They were on this show like two segments ago, and I promptly forgot that they even existed after that segment ended…This  yet another short bout…Ricky whiffs on a lariat and hits Tank…Then, the match randomly ends, I guess…The bell rings…Palumbo and Stasiak attack Rick…Scott Steiner makes the save…The crowd would like Rick and Scott to maybe shake hands or hug…We go to break while they stare at one another…

 

• We go right back to Russo looking for an escape route out of the building…He hops in a car, but Nash grabs him…Russo gets away, but not without losing his shirt…

 

• Pam Paulshock runs up and tells the Cat that it looks like he has “a big problem with Big Poppa Pump” and asks what he’ll do tonight…The Cat responds as such: “It looks like you have a big problem with staying in that small shirt; what are you doing tonight?”…I mean, if you’re going to skeeve on the ladies, at least be funny about it like the Cat was…Anyway, the Cat says he’ll be seeing to the Scotty Steiner problem personally…

 

• Recap: IT’S A SWERVE, BRO: Billy Kidman turns babyface by helping Hulk Hogan…This is one of Russo’s more nonsensical swerves so far…

 

• Gene Okerlund interviews Billy Kidman, who tries to justify this heel turn by saying that he just wanted to screw over Bisch for not listening to him when he said that Horace was not to be trusted…See, total nonsense…

 

• In a shocking turn of events, Jeff Jarrett and Billy Kidman face off without anyone deciding to talk before the match starts…Kidman has been killed dead and gets no reaction upon his entrance…I don’t think that pyro is going to do a damned thing for him at this point…Jarrett and Kidman have had a fun, pacey television match before, and this is also an enjoyable little jaunt…How the hell is this a world title match, by the way?...Kidman’s been getting his ass kicked for the past eight weeks…Jarrett wins an obligabrawl…He then dodges a dropkick back in the ring and catapults Kidman back to the floor…

 

• Oops, here come the Filthy Animals…So much for a clean finish…Ah, Jarrett switches things up and grabs a mic in the middle of a match rather than before it…He tells the Animals not to interfere and gets rolled up for two…Tygress gets on commentary, but her headset doesn’t work…Kidman keeps things rolling, but the Animals run an extremely poorly timed KABONGing of Kidman…It was ugly as hell…Jarrett lands a Stroke for three…Kevin Nash comes back out here and big boots Jarrett as the Animals flee…Nash chokes Jarrett with a belt and leads him away from the ring…

 

• Vampiro’s WCW run has been so strange…The stop-start debut that occurred over months…The feud with Saturn that got binned…The weird Kidman feud…Being buds with Sting, then abruptly being mortal enemies with Sting…Vampiro cuts one of the shittiest promos I’ve heard in a while in which he talks about STEVE BORDEN and calls the guy a LITTLE BITCH…Vampiro is on my list of least favorite talkers ever…He made LU a hard watch at times by being maybe the worst regular color commentator in history…Vamp targets a fan in a Sting mask…The fan ends up being Asya, who spits KISS Demon blood in his face…Sure, why not, get these two kooky kids together on screen since they’re together off screen…

 

• I would guess that most fans are wondering why Asya is helping out the Demon…Tony S. tells us that DALE TORBORG is going to marry CHRISTI WOLF Asya…What is happening right now with the weird shoot bang shit that isn't even consistently applied?...Asya gets involved, so Vamp drills her with a Nail in the Coffin…The Demon gets up and goes back at Vamp…They actually did something to get Vampiro over at GAB, finally, for the first time all fucking Sting feud, in fact…And they followed up by feuding Vampiro with the KISS Demon…WC-fuckin’-W, everyone…The Demon stuffs Vamp in his casket, blows a little fire, and goes in the ring to tend to Asya…Vamp pops back out of the coffin…Yeah, this was bad enough to make a certain list…The whole thing was incoherent to a deeply annoying degree…

 

• Daffney was getting over before she was taken off TV for a few weeks…She had her rana and she had the screaming, and the fans liked her…Now she’s back in her black wedding dress to do this dumb angle with Dopey Dave and Ms. Hancock…She threatens to break the extremely long legs of Hancock, who in fact is feuding with both Daffney and Kimberly right now…

 

• Hancock comes to the ring with a cheeky little grin on her face…Why the heck is Daffney mad at Hancock when Dopey Dave is the guy cheating on her?...Hancock correctly tells her to go ask Dave about it, but Daffney attacks…We cut to the crowd, so there must have been some clothes ripping or a boob exposure or something that TBS didn’t want us to see…Finally, Dopey Dave pulls Daffney off Hancock and yells at her as she tries to calm down…

 

• Crowbar, who has secretly been in love with Daffney and is not pleased to see her be so meanly treated, shoves Dave out of the way…Dave begs off, but sneaks in a low blow as Crowbar checks on Daffney…Hancock and Dave walk off while an emotionally hurt Daffney checks on Crowbar…Daffney has the ability to manipulate her face and vocals in ways that actually move me…There was a show a few months ago where she let out this broken sob after Dave got destroyed that touched off a sudden pang of sadness inside me…I was really surprised by that, and I think maybe this is why I liked her so much as a teen when I first saw her…I wonder if she came along fifteen years later and worked in 2014 – 2016 NXT if she would have been a pretty big star…She has a lot of character tools at her disposal that many performers don't have...

 

• By the way, the crowd spun up a DAFF-NEY chant by the end of this segment, and I genuinely think it’s down to her ability to get this mediocre angle over with her facial and bodily expressions…

 

• On the other hand, Russo is a complete negative as a performer…He exclaims HE’LL NEVER THINK I’M STUPID ENOUGH TO HIDE IN HERE as he enters the Cat’s office…What?...Nash is hiding behind some plants and parts them to call out to Russo while calling back to The Shining…Can you believe they gave these two multiple segments to get over an ice cold hide-and-seek slasher flick sort of deal?...This wasn’t any good when he did it in his first run with Dopey Dave and Kimberly, much less now…

 

• As Scott Steiner walks to the ring flanked by Midajah and Shakira, I have to say that I disagree with BobbyWhioux…Midajah is the boring one who probably will keep one eye on the kid and the other eye on her phone, but otherwise get through things okay…Shakira seems like the fun one who is a bit too fun, like she’d take the kid to a used bookstore because he wants to get a couple of Spider-Man annuals, but then she’d totally let him go into the adult section and look at Playboy issues from the 1970s…She has grown on me, by the way, as she understands that she’s on a pro wrestling show and slightly overacts as is appropriate…She’s won me over, and it would have been enjoyable to slot her in for Midajah as Steiner's sole valet in the last few months of the company…Alas…

 

• Scott Steiner tells ERIC BITCH-OFF that he does not appreciate Bisch’s machinations against him…He lets the Cat know that the commissioner is just a stand-in to beat up until he can get at BITCH-OFF and Russo…The Cat is surrounded by R&B Security as he walks the aisle…Miller locks up with Scotty and is immediately tossed clubbed and tossed…That’s about it for him…He walks out on the match…No, wait, he tries the short slide spot, but it doesn’t have the right effect because Steiner fails to properly time it when he turns around well after the Cat slides up to him…

 

• A security mook helps the Cat get a kick in, and he even gets a couple two counts in between having to cheat to stay on top of the match…But even a low blow and a group stomping from the security mooks can’t stop Scotty…Midajah is able to land a crossbody on the Cat as Tony S. makes an excellent call: THE FREAKS CAN GO!...Madden gets a kick out of that comment…From there, it’s all suplexes and Steiner Recliners for the Cat, who taps out quickly…

 

• The Cat struggles to his knees and gets a microphone…He uses his commissioner power to DQ Steiner for an illegal chokehold and then bans the Steiner Recliner permanently…The Cat declares himself the winner and then passes out…Security gets him to his feet and covers him with a cape so that he can dance a bit before his back goes out on him…The Cat is such a character, man…

 

• Nash, who has a beaten Jarrett on the floor of the office, has a one-sided convo with Scott Hall to get ideas about how to use Jarrett to get to Russo…Nash suggests that Hall's suggestion of “shoot[ing] the piece of shit” is too illegal even for pro wrestling…He brainstorms another idea, though we don’t find out what it is yet…This crowd popped when Nash simply said Scott Hall’s name…

 

• This dope David Flair tells Okerlund that he’ll accept Crowbar’s challenge, which apparently Crowbar made off-screen, and that he will also be shaving Crowbar’s dome after he wins…The match is next; Crowbar baseball slides right into Dave to start things off…Crowbar expresses his longing for a woman who only had eyes for Dave before Dave callously dumped her not with words, but with back elbows and punches…Dave sucks pretty bad, unfortunately…Not even Crowbar is going to get that much out of him in a singles match with no gaga…Luckily, Crowbar spends most of the early part of the match beating up Dave, so it’s watchable…He sits Dave in a chair outside the ring, then lands a slingshot crossbody…

 

• This match is oddly long, actually…Dave gets control by crotching Crowbar on the rail, then hits a gutwrench suplex and a butterfly suplex back in the ring…Seriously, this goes back and forth after it re-enters the ring…We’re seven minutes in, which in the Ruschoff era feels like fifteen minutes…I mean, cool, longer matches, but not cool, they’re longer David Flair singles matches…Crowbar hits a DVD and slingshot legdrop and somehow Dave kicks out…What the hell?!...I don’t buy that these two are evenly matched even though they’ve actually sort of been presented that way…Crowbar deserves better…Dave cracks Crowbar with a tchotchke after eight minutes for the win, then tries to shave Crowbar’s head…Daffney tries to stop him, and Dave piefaces her, then goes to the shaver…Ms. Hancock hits the ramp, undoes a couple of buttons, and gets Dave to drop the clippers and follow her backstage…Of course this show finally books longer matches, but not with combinations of wrestlers who are going to have anything other than an okay match…

 

• Kevin Nash marches a bound Jeff Jarrett back to the ring…There has been too much of Nash and far too much of Russo on tonight’s show…Nash is upset that Russo made his lil’ nephew watch Goldberg beat him bloody on Nitro…He says that the kid is scarred by the experience, and he similarly recalls being himself scarred as a young man when an older sibling took him to watch Deliverance…Here’s my favorite bleeper blooper in my watch so far…Nash, because he loves referencing movies that he’s seen: “Is it just me, or does Double J have a [pretty mouth?]”…Of course, what goes un-bleeped is Madden following up by repeating the words PRETTY MOUTH?! on commentary…Hilarious…

 

• So, the point here is that Nash is threatening to, uh, I guess rape Jeff Jarrett and alternately quoting the backwoodsmen from Deliverance and their lines about raping dudes…It’s very strange…Nash promises to delicately face fuck Jackknife Jarrett if Russo doesn’t get out here right now…Russo walks onto the ramp holding Scott Hall’s contract and basically rambles out a threat to fire Hall if Nash doesn’t stop attacking Jarrett…Goldberg’s music plays, and Goldberg comes through the crowd and attacks Nash…He breaks Jarrett’s bonds with his bare hands, which allows Jarrett to get the bat and whale away on Nash…This was a bad, drama-free way to end this show…

 

• Let’s just keep it moving to BatB, please…OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW…

[zendragon]

I saw Daffney manage at an indy show in what was sadly one of her last wrestling appearances. She was really good lots of little interference spots and making sure all her stuff was behind the refs back

[SirSmUgly]

This power outage SUCKS.

It's like God/the All-Mother/The Great Panjandrum doesn't want me to watch the rest of the Ruschoff/late second era Russo run or something.

Almost like it should forever be the unseen, that it leaves a scar upon the soul that lasts an eternity.

Hmm...

Anyway, I will hopefully be able to squeeze in a couple reviews on Monday and Tuesday before the holiday because I am fiending to write about some soul-scarring wrestling action!

[DangerMark]

On 10/20/2022 at 6:29 AM, SirSmUgly said:

I do wonder, seriously, if I will look back on this Nick Patrick stuff when I finally make it into late 1999 Nitro/Thunder and sort of miss it from the standpoint of Vince Russo being even more consistent at booking bad angles and stupid matches and segments.

I'm bored and rereading this august thread on a late train home and I would like to know if you did miss this Nick Patrick garbage as you descended into the hell of latter day WCW.

[SirSmUgly]

4 hours ago, DangerMark said:

I'm bored and rereading this august thread on a late train home and I would like to know if you did miss this Nick Patrick garbage as you descended into the hell of latter day WCW.

I absolutely did not. 

There is a lot I miss about 1996 WCW, but no, no, and no again. WCW's insistence on running a slew of bad heel ref angles in this era baffles me. Or ref angles in general, for that matter. 

Whether it's Bischoff and Sullivan doing month after month of heel Nick Patrick nonsense or Russo or Sullivan doing weird little angles with Johnny Boone and Evan Karagias feuding or Mickey Jay having a heated series of matches with Slick Johnson, it all sucks.

By the by, Slick Johnson might be the ref whom I hate the most. This guy sucks. He's always trying to make himself the center of attention and I hate everything about his stupid facials and body language. He's the worst. Was he this bad in TNA, too? I don't remember him sticking out as much there, but my TNA viewing was spotty at best. 

[DangerMark]

2 hours ago, SirSmUgly said:

my TNA viewing was spotty at best. 

Mine, too. I feel like we might have got the better end of it.

[twiztor]

12 hours ago, SirSmUgly said:

Slick Johnson might be the ref whom I hate the most. This guy sucks. He's always trying to make himself the center of attention and I hate everything about his stupid facials and body language. He's the worst. Was he this bad in TNA, too? I don't remember him sticking out as much there, but my TNA viewing was spotty at best. 

yes. i mean, maybe marginally better, but right now (summer/fall 2006) he's in at least one or two backstage segments with Larry Zbyszko every show, and they're all dumb. They add nothing of value. the program would be exactly the same, or more likely better, without him and/or these skits. (ok, it has led to Larry wearing a goofy hairpiece, and i think we're finally getting to the end of his tenure, so there is SOME benefit...)

[SirSmUgly]

 

Show #245 – 19 June 2000

"The one that is actually a good Ruschoff Era Nitro (and notably doesn't have Russo, Bischoff, or the Hulkster on screen for even a minute)"

• I'M BACK/AND BETTER THAN EVER/GOT A KNACK/FOR MAKIN' THINGS BETTER

 

• Twenty more days, you goofy orange goblin, you.

 

• Recap: Aw, and I had been away long enough that I had forgotten this Nash stalking Russo deal from the previous week's television. On the other hand, give Daffney and Scott Steiner more television time. Though not together, necessarily.

 

• A limo pulls up, driven by Ice Train M.I. Smooth; the Cat gets out and is immediately accosted by Jeff Jarrett and Mike Awesome. Jarrett wants to know where Russo, Bischoff, and Goldberg are, but Goldberg’s apparently the only guy who is going to make it to the arena tonight (big, if true). A Power Plant trainee in an R&B Security shirt runs up and says that there’s a problem in the ring. I’ll say there is: Horace is sitting in the ring holding a bat and getting entirely too much television time.

 

• After the title card, we come back to this fucking dolt Horace in the ring. He gets a mic and yells about Goldberg beating down Hollywood Hogan in what is a sub-mediocre rant. I refuse to boo Goldberg, but even if I were thinking about maybe booing him, Horace Hogan sure as fuck wouldn’t be the guy to inspire me to do it.

 

• The Cat responds by saying that Horace is beneath Goldberg’s notice (true) and that Goldberg would murk him anyway (also true). Then, in a wise move, the Cat proceeds to ignore this idiot Horace and instead looks into the camera and lectures Scott Steiner. Miller outlaws outside interference on tonight's show and threatens Scotty with fines and suspensions, and also unpaid labor at Miller's dojo, if he breaks that rule. The Cat then addresses Scott Hall’s contract situation (which is shaky IRL and also in kayfabe), but is quickly cut off by Kevin Nash, who is joined by Scott Steiner and Midajah.

 

• Kevin Nash thankfully doesn’t threaten to rape anyone, at least this go-round. The long and short of it is that Nash has the Cat trapped between Horace in the ring and himself and Scotty on the ramp, so he decides that now is a prudent time to make some demands. His first demand: Horace vs. Goldberg for later tonight, which the Cat acquiesces to. His second demand: Wait, he gives the mic to Scott Steiner, who demands a match against the Cat since Miller is Russo’s stand-in tonight. The Cat doesn’t want to fight and proposes sending Jeff Jarrett to the ring in his stead; Steiner refuses that counter-offer until the Cat sweetens it by giving Steiner a world title shot in the bargain.

 

• OK, back to Nash: His third demand: He wants to fight the Cat instead, with the winner getting possession of Scott Hall’s contract, which by pro wrestling rules cannot be terminated unless one has physical possession of it. To end a contract in the kayfabe world of pro wrestling, all you need to do is hold the physical contract in your hands and rip it in half – no lawyers needed! The Cat, backing up toward the ring apron, agrees after being poked in the back by Horace’s bat. Nash mad dogs the Cat, who escapes through the crowd, which really, if you think about it, he should have done immediately. Then, he wouldn’t have had to give up all those concessions to the babyfaces.

 

• Palumbo and Stasiak crash the production truck and try to pull the same pre-tape trick on Tank Abbott and Rick Steiner that Tank and Rick inadvertently pulled on them, but their machinations are being filmed, so Tank and Rick watch them scheme on a monitor and are able to jump the two moron rookie dipshits as they leave the production truck. Hey, Stasiak has on a Roots Canada tee! I love Roots’s stuff, especially their super-warm hoodies and sweaters. Stasiak’s t-shirt is pretty blandly designed, though. There’s not even a beaver on it or anything.

 

• Jeff Jarrett is quite displeased with the Cat’s deal making; the Cat tries to mollify him by appointing Mike Awesome as the special guest ref for the match. Next to get in the Cat's grill is a R&B Security mook who is worried about the state of the show; the Cat, flustered by his upcoming match with Nash, tells him to just put the Spice Girls Three Count on television and keep this show moving.

 

• Hey, it’s Three Count! Evan Karagias is healed! The Jung Dragons rush them, and you’ll recall that they started feuding, but Karagias got hurt, so they took everyone from these two groups off television, completely blunting any momentum they had. It’s a small miracle that Helms ended up getting over to the degree he did by the time this company went belly up. Anyway, I feel relief – this match should be good! A good wrestling match on mid-’00 Nitro is a rare thing.

 

• The Dragons clear the ring, but when the match settles down, Shane and Shannon (Helms and Moore, not Ballard times two) combine on a neckbreaker that flattens Kaz. Kaz is now FIP, but at least there was a shine segment for the babyfaces before then. In an illogical spot, Helms lands a diving sunset flip that yanks Kaz back toward his corner; to make it worse, when Kaz kicks out, he ignores the outstretched hands of his partners even though he’s theoretically trying desperately to get a tag. Look, I have higher expectations for these fellas and this deserved criticism! Jimmy Yang eventually gets a hot tag and we go rapidly into the finish, in which Moore and Karagias are booted off of pinfall attempts and Moore stops a Yang/Kaz double-team move before combining with Helms and Karagias on a triple facebuster that puts Yang down for three.

 

• Three Count prepare a celebratory dance, but they’re suddenly attacked by Lance Storm! Storm clears out all three guys as the crowd is unsure of who this dude is, but ultimately decides to pop for his plancha. Storm leaves through the crowd.

 

• Dopey Dave looks around for Daffney backstage; Goldberg arrives at the arena.

 

• Mike Tenay is on backstage duty; he curses us with another boring, boilerplate Horace Hogan promo/interview. Horace outside of the Flock is a classic replacement-level wrestler.

 

• A hardcore title defense is next up: Vito defends the gold against Johnny the Bull, whom he thrashed on the previous Thunder, if you’ll recall. These fellas go smashy, smashy, smashy, trashy, trashy, trashy, per the usual for these matches. They head backstage, where they climb some scaffolding; Vito lands a Paisan Plunge off the scaffolding and through a table for three. Nice finish, but the rest of it was nondescript.

 

• The Cat seems to have misplaced Scott Hall’s contract. He finally locates it and seems pretty pleased with himself!

 

• A trainer helps Johnny the Bull away from the destroyed table when Terry Funk sidles up and helps the Bull limp away.

 

• Lt. Loco is walking backstage when he’s jumped by Rey Misterio Jr. See, that sort of behavior is why Chavo is going to help Booker beat you for the World Heavyweight Championship in six years. Speaking of Booker, after The Artist helps Rey beat up Loco, G.I. Bro scrambles into the hallway for the save.

 

• After a commercial break, G.I. Bro rallies the troops; he says that all the Millionaire’s Club main eventers have been put out of WCW for the moment, so this is the M.I.A.'s chance to fill that void. Bro promotes Captain Rection to General Rection and then spots Positively Kanyon on a monitor; Bro suggests beating the annoying dingbat up to make a point. 

 

• In the ring, Kanyon recovers from being scared by his own pyro for long enough to do his mock DDP imitation. After a bit of clowning, he offers an open challenge that is soon answered by G.I. Bro. Kanyon jumps Bro, but whiffs on a lariat and eats a forearm and a few punches. Bro lands an axe kick before a minute has passed and lands a pancake and a Spinaroonie a couple seconds after that. Bro rips off the fatigues and I guess is back to being Booker T., thank goodness. Kanyon takes Booker’s in-ring gimmick change as an opportunity to escape.

 

• Dopey Dave is still looking around for Daffney. He eventually finds her, but she slaps him when he tries to talk to her.

 

• Horace Hogan’s punk ass tapes up and fires himself up for an ass beating from Goldberg, who tweaks backstage as he watches on a monitor as Horace gets all aggy . For some reason, we cut to break right in the middle of Goldberg making a move toward the door. The Ruschoff Era has been full of strange cuts away from action or talking about five seconds before one ideally would make said cut to the point that I feel it must be intentional.

 

• Alright, here’s Horace Hogan to face Goldberg. We cut to Nash and Scotty Steiner in their locker room, debating on whether or not to get involved in this bout before Goldberg comes out to a babyface pop. Scotty wants to get in there and mix it up, but Nash wants to sit back and see what happens; Nash seems to win that argument.

 

• You can tell Goldberg is a heel because he yells at the cops who escort him out. But no, he’s still a beloved babyface, and we (i.e. everyone in this Montana crowd and also me) all want to see him kick the shit out of Horace. Again. Horace jumps Goldberg before the bell, but he’s Horace and Goldberg is Goldberg, so as it turns out, Goldberg sort of ignores Horace’s weak offense and then punches the shit out of Hollywood’s goofball nephew. Goldberg does whiff on one of those punches outside the ring and whacks the post instead of Horace’s melon, which allows Horace to get a chair and go to town.

 

• Alas, rather than being seriously hurt, Goldberg is merely annoyed by these chair shots or the big boot that Horace lands back in the ring, for that matter. Spear, Jackhammer, SPLAT. Madden points out that the crowd in Billings is fully behind Goldberg. Goldberg decides to choke Horace out to maybe get some heat. Eh, no, the crowd is just silently annoyed that Goldberg is trying to heel for a bit before going back to cheering him.

 

• Nash, seeing that there was no interference in the previous match per the Cat's declaration, decides that he doesn’t need Scotty to back him up and decides to go beat up Miller by his lonesome. That's some good dumb babyface assumption making right there. I dig it. 

 

• We are just under nine months from the end of this company, and what I want to know is where in the hell is Ms. Jones already?! The Cat has a briefcase with a pair of handcuffs attached to the handle. He says that he has something that Nash wants in the briefcase, then dances. After he’s done cutting a rug, he grabs the briefcase, walks over to Mark Madden at commentary, and snaps the open end of the handcuffs on the wrist of a shocked and dismayed Madden.

 

• Kevin Nash comes to the ring as Madden panics. Tony S., disingenuously: “Don’t worry [Madden], you’ll do good.” Madden: “‘You’ll do good?’ This [briefcase] is handcuffed to me, you simpleton.” Heh. So, Nash beats up the Cat, who calls desperately for assistance and gets none. In a fairly funny series of spots, the Cat keeps trying to get a mic and rescind his ruling on no outside interference, but Nash soupbones him before he can get the sentence all the way out. That’s pretty amusing stuff!

 

• The Cat gets a bit of control with a series of low blows, but he mostly plays Horace Hogan to Kevin Nash’s Goldberg. Nash snacks on a few kicks from Cat as a light appetizer, reels off a lariat that is incredibly poorly framed by the cameraperson, and then lands a Jackknife for three. Madden exhales and readily offers up his wrist as Nash grabs the key to the handcuffs. Nash unlocks the handcuffs, opens the envelope in the briefcase, and finds…promotional pictures of the Cat. Nash heads back into the ring to finish the Cat off for this subterfuge as the crowd chants KICK HIS ASS – maybe WCW should have come back to Montana more often because this crowd is thrilled to watch some live pro wrestling action – and then Goldberg shows up on the TurnerTron, calls Scott Hall a little wussy girly girl in his most blatant heel move so far, and then challenges Nash to a match at BatB before eating the contract, which I believe dissolves it in the kayfabe world of pro wrestling. I It literally dissolves it in stomach acid, of course, but also possibly dissolves it legally.

 

• Mike Tenay interviews Kevin Nash in the back about Goldberg’s challenge to him. Midajah is there for some reason. Nash reminds Goldberg that he’s beaten him before (but he’s not, as he asserts, the only one to have beaten him – Bret Hart would object to that statement), and notes that Scott Hall doesn’t live too far from BatB’s location in Daytona this year and might just stop by. Then Scott Steiner walks up and rages out about Jeff Jarrett.

 

• We are back to the show after a break, and you know what, I forgot that Lt. Loco is the WCW Cruiserweight Champion. The Filthy Animals hit the ring; Scott Hudson calls Disco Inferno “Dim Shady.” I give that barb a 6.5/10. Juventud Guerrera joins commentary while Konnan does his spiel. Disco is wearing FUBU, which I think is the exact point at which the brand was officially dead. Daymond John should have had someone monitoring this show; he could have stepped in earlier and prevented the death of his brand.

 

• This is a Triple Threat Match for the cruiserweight belt between Rey Misterio Jr., Lt. Loco (w/the M.I.A.), and The Artist (w/Paisley). The Artist and Loco go at it in the aisle; The Artist gets the best of things, tosses Loco in the ring, and dawdles a bit; he has to slide in the ring and pull Rey off a cover. Hey, this match is very short, but what we get is just fine for a television bout, especially considering the time and place of the thing. It’s nicely paced and packs in some solid high spots and nearfalls. I just wish they gave it more than a couple of minutes.

 

• Anyway, the Artist crotches Loco up top, but turns into a wheel kick from Rey. Rey lands a Bronco Buster on the Artist and then goes up to hit Loco with a top-rope rana, but Loco tosses him crotch-first onto the top rope, then baits the Artist into walking right into a tornado DDT for three. Paisley and Tygress get their wires crossed on a post-match attack on Major Gunns and end up beefing with one another.

 

• Dopey Dave manages to coax Daffney back to his side with a bunch of black roses.

 

• After a break, Dave holds hands with Daffney; he rushes her out of the building, suspiciously enough, and promises to meet her at the hotel. But this scumbag totally isn’t going to meet her at the hotel. Dave loads her in a car and tells the driver to take her away, saying that he’ll be right behind her after getting some business resolved at the arena. As Dave walks away to meet Ms. Hancock, he doesn’t notice Daffney stop the car before it can pull off; she walks up to a monitor and sees Dave and Hancock smooching, then cries. WHY ARE YOU SO MEAN TO POOR DAFFNEY, YOU ABSOLUTE FUCKBOI DOPEY DAVE FLAIR?!

 

• As Three Count might say, quit playing games with her heart! She really should have known from the start, though.

 

• Shawn Stasiak and Chuck Palumbo, apparently known as The Perfect Event, defend the tag titles against Tank Abbott and Rick Steiner as Tony S. gets the young guys over by noting that they haven’t actually pinned anyone the whole time they've been holding those belts. I mean, he’s just selling this stupid storyline, but boy, is it a completely unhelpful way to frame two young guys in your company, one of whom was mentioned on television as a “Power Plant Elite.”

 

• The young guys get rolled by Rick and Tank. How will they possibly survive this encounter with their titles intact? Well, as it turns out, Tank Abbott is incensed by some plant’s anti-Three Count sign, so he rips it up and chases the fella out of the arena. While the idea of Tank Abbott as a Three Count groupie is funny, where in the hell is this coming from? The obvious move is to feud Rick and Tank with KroniK in a “beefy dudes throw bombs” match that I, at least, would find intriguing. Was I just SWERVED, BRO? Palumbo and Stasiak pick Ricky Steiner apart, though the lesser Steiner Brother does fight back. In fact, ol’ Rick comes close to winning the tag titles by himself – AGAIN – but dives right into a Lex Flexer shot when attempting a diving bulldog and is summarily double-pancaked for three.

 

• Dale Torborg stumbles his way through a promo in which he apologizes for getting his darling bride-to-be Asya hurt on the previous Thunder.He gives Asya the KISS Demon costume and exhorts her to “get rid of him.” Vampiro watches this on a monitor, looking confused. Then again, that’s how he usually looks.

 

• We get more Vampiro after the break, as a matter of fact. He makes his way to the ring, grabs a mic, and cuts a promo in which he expresses disappointment that the KISS Demon is going away; he invites Torborg and Asya to the ring to mourn the impending loss of the Demon. Vamp admonishes production for playing a KISS song when Torborg walks out since Torborg doesn't want to be the Demon anymore; then, this dude somehow pulls an Undertaker and vanishes Asya after cutting the lights. He then cuts the lights again and disappears himself as Torborg looks around like a goof. On the TurnerTron, Vampiro pops up behind the wheel of a hearse, mumbles something cryptic, and drives away. Hudson and Tony S. are confused by how Vamp got out there so quickly; were they not paying attention to Tank and Rick’s use of pre-tapes to confuse their idiot feud partners?

 

• It’s the Triple Threat versus Buff Bagwell and KroniK in a trios tag. Shane Douglas does his whole deal on the mic. It stinks. Chris Candido is in a sling. Douglas says that Candido and Bigelow are gunning for the tag titles, which, uh, aren’t Stasiak and Palumbo also aligned with the New Blood? Or are we not doing that whole New Blood thing anymore? Whatever, you know what, it doesn’t matter.

 

• This is another match that is perfectly cromulent. KroniK kick the shit out of Douglas and toss him around with uranages and full nelson slams and cool moves like that. Adams tags in Buff, so of course Douglas scrambles back to his corner and tags in Bam Bam Bigelow. Buff is your face in peril; Bammer and Douglas control Bagwell while Candido chills out on the apron and watches Buff get his ass kicked. The Franchise hits triple verticals in there, so it’s all cool stuff, but he feels himself a little bit too much and walks into a double-arm DDT after taunting KroniK. Hudson calls it a “Kenta Kobashi DDT,” which confuses Tony S., who says in Japan, they call it the “Buff DDT,” and no the fuck they don’t.

 

• Anyway, Buff gets a hot tag to Adams, and Adams and Clarke absolutely destroy Douglas and Bigelow while Candido watches helplessly from ringside. Well, actually, Candido isn’t entirely helpless; he hops in the ring and hits Clarke with an object. That doesn’t hurt Clarke, but it does draw his attention, and he and Adams stalk a retreating Candido to the back. Meanwhile, Buff tries a Blockbuster, gets stuffed by Bammer, but manages to go up again and land it for three. That match was decent, man. Douglas jumps Buff after the bell and drops him with a Pittsburgh Plunge; KroniK realizes that they’ve been diverted by Candido and hustle back out to run Douglas off.

 

• Well, we’re late enough in the show that I feel okay saying it: This show has been pretty solid (especially for Nitro in 2000) and will almost certainly earn the first positive score that a Nitro has earned in weeks, possibly months.

 

• Our main event pits Jeff Jarrett against Scott Steiner (w/Midajah) for the WCW World Heavyweight Championship; Mike Awesome, as you may recall, is the special ref. The Cat also joins commentary to view the proceedings; I appreciate that he sells a back injury as he walks down the ramp. Jarrett walks out, and Steiner follows while Mark Madden comments on Steiner’s apparently large penis. I didn’t make that up. As it turns out, Steiner doesn’t have an erect penis of improbably large size, or at least not only an erect penis of improbably large size; in fact, what he's packing is a microphone, and he barks at the Cat from his spot at ringside and is pretty lewd about it. Jarrett jumps Scotty from behind, but gets clubbed, tilt-a-whirl suplexed, and elbowdropped. Scotty doesn’t even go for the pinfall; he does pushups. Seriously though, crown this dude already.

 

• Jarrett tries to come back, but gets caught, hit with an Oklahoma Stampede, draped over the top rope throat-first, and clotheslined to the floor. Jarrett induces an obligabrawl from his position on the floor and actually gets the best of it with the assistance of a chair. He remembers that he’s a misogynistic woman beater and goes after Midajah, but she leaps on his back and leaves him open for a Steiner jab with a chair.

 

• The brawl goes into the stands, where Steiner dominates. The action flows back into the ring, Steiner continues to control, though there’s an ugly-looking catapult spot in there. Jarrett looks cooked, but he’s able to hop behind Steiner and land a low blow to get a bit of control. Jarrett glares at the crowd, which chants ASSHOLE at him, and clearly mouths FUCK ALL YOU MOTHERFUCKERS. I bet Russo got a stiffy of his own watching that wherever he was tonight.

 

• All Jeff Jarrett is doing is having good matches even in an era of television that is entirely not conducive to doing so. We might be at about the point where Jarrett has a case for being a legitimately great worker, but I assume his NWA-TNA-era nonsense probably destroys that case, huh? I refuse to go back and watch that stuff week to week; seeing it every once in a great while when I watch the TNA channel on Pluto is enough.

 

• Both men fight over a sleeper, but Steiner is able to manage a vertical suplex; we get a standing ten count from ref Awesome, who has called this sucker down the middle so far. Both men get up at eight, and Steiner wins a punch-up, then scores a power slam off a Jarrett rope run for about 2.7. Jarrett next tries a corner charge, but gets a boot to the chest and a belly-to-belly suplex for 2.9. Steiner shoots Jarrett in again; Jarrett lands a boot and tries a Stroke, but Steiner tosses him down and locks on a Steiner Recliner. Alas, the Recliner is illegal now, and Awesome tries to break the hold as the Cat jabbers at him on the house mic. Awesome finally breaks the hold by any means necessary, and those means are a chair to the back.

 

• Jarrett covers a downed Steiner, but only gets two. Awesome finally gives up any pretense of fairness, as if being told to break the hold by the Cat reminded him that the fix was supposed to be in, and boots Steiner along with Jarrett. Steiner fights back and puts the Recliner on Awesome, but Jarrett leaves the ring, grabs a guitar, and KABONGs Scotty; Awesome counts the pinfall for three. Huh, even with all the fuckery, this was a really fun match.

 

• Jarrett and Awesome leave with the gold; the Cat gets in the ring and prepares to hit Scotty with some KA-RA-TE, but Steiner pops up while the Cat prepares to throw a few kicks and beats the commissioner up, then proceeds to fight off Jarrett and Awesome before Goldberg rushes the ring and tags him with a spear. This brings Kevin Nash out; Nash runs to the ring and tries to fight through the heels to get to Goldberg, who just barely ducks out of the ring before Nash can grab him.

 

• What the fuck? This show was…good?! There were some typical minor misfires as is common for this era, but it moved a bunch of storylines along, had some enjoyable (if often too brief) wrestling, and the main event was pretty dope. I can’t believe that I’m scoring a Ruschoff Nitro like this: 3 out of 5 Stinger Splashes.

[Curt McGirt]

One of these days I want you to count every single named on-air talent that shows up on a Nitro, just to see how many it is. 

[zendragon]

The roster doesn't feel quite so depleted as it did a while ago.

Also JJ cosplay Ric Flair traveling NWA champ is better than HHH cosplay Harley Race traveling NWA champ of the same period

[SirSmUgly]

12 hours ago, zendragon said:

The roster doesn't feel quite so depleted as it did a while ago.

I agree. In January after the Radicalz left, it was very bad. Now, they're bringing in Power Plant guys and giving them spots on the main shows, even if those spots are questionable in terms of how effectively they'll get guys over. 

I think from January through May, they shed a lot of contracts, but now, they're backfilling reasonably well. It also helped to get Shane Douglas, Konnan, Rey, and Juvi back, all of whom were hurt or exiled post-Souled Out 2000. 

12 hours ago, zendragon said:

Also JJ cosplay Ric Flair traveling NWA champ is better than HHH cosplay Harley Race traveling NWA champ of the same period

Undoubtedly, if only because HHH basically ran me off regular viewing of RAW for the first time since 1994 or whatever. Sure, I was in college, had a SO and a ton of friends, etc., but I made an effort to watch with the other wrestling fans I knew. We all basically fell off RAW by the end of 2002. I much would prefer watching Jarrett in '03 or whatever because at least Jarrett is consistently a good worker.

[BobbyWhioux]

Jarrett put Booker T over. 

JJ > HHH

[BobbyWhioux]

22 hours ago, SirSmUgly said:

• Mike Tenay is on backstage duty; he curses us with another boring, boilerplate Horace Hogan promo/interview. Horace outside of the Flock is a classic replacement-level wrestler.

 

Look, there are two potential Hogans that can turn up on any given show from this era, and of those two I'd much rather it be this one.  Any time WCW put out a show with Horace and without Hulk should be commended

[SirSmUgly]

Thunder Interlude – show number one hundred and fifteen – 21 June 2000

"The WCW Gang puts on a poor show in the most chill and pleasant way possible"

• Let’s get in one more Thunder before the holiday…

 

• Eighteen more days, you leathery dickhead…

 

• Recap: Nitro was pretty fun…I don’t expect two fun shows in a row from WCW at this point…I’ll just be glad for the one that I unexpectedly got…

 

• So, Kimberly is out of the company at this point, run off by Scott Steiner being a violent nutbar IRL…I think Tammy Sytch is done too, having run herself off by doing too many drugs…Tammy’s a big whatever to me, but teenage me was a huge fan of Kim, who could talk, looked great, was funny…The only thing she couldn’t do was dance, which was an awkward fact considering that she led the Nitro Girls…

 

• Another recap: Tank Abbott is too busy fiercely defending the honor of his boys in Three Count to help Rick Steiner out…

 

• Rick Steiner is now down to the ring to get a little payback on Tank Abbott…Ricky speaks…I forgot that Rick and Tank have been struggling to get on the same page since the Great American Bash…Rick would like to terminate their partnership by punching one another…Tank is cool with that…Tank dumps Rick and goes to the leg bar immediately…I kinda like this worked shoot-ish graps stuff…Rick tries to get position and is caught in a cross-arm breaker, but Rick keeps him from locking it in…

 

• They get to standing and clubber one another, but Tank sinks in a guillotine, though Rick escapes again…Tank is a better mat worker than Rick, so Rick resorts to an eye gouge to escape…Tank is up first and rings him up with a straight right…Ricky gets to his feet as Tank starts to walk away…Tank comes back and gets suplexed and clotheslined, then mounted and punched…Steiner starts to dominate on the mat as well, but he decides to finish Tank off with a diving bulldog from the top…That gets three, and do you realize that Rick Steiner has the most dominant win over Tank so far?...That was so different that I generally enjoyed it, as rough as it was and as devoid of struggle the holds were…

 

• Bobby Heenan is back with us in place of Madden, thankfully…Tonight, we are getting a new Three Count single and maybe the promise of another Lance Storm sighting…Unfortunately, we’re also going to get more of this Vampiro/Torborg feud as well if Heenan’s comments are anything to go by…Tank suddenly clambers over the commentary desk to attack a plant who has been ostentatiously showing off his 3 COUNT SUX shirt in the background…

 

• M.I. Smooth pulls up, parks, and opens the door for Jeff Jarrett, Mike Awesome, and the Cat…They all argue over how the Cat should book this show…Smooth whispers an idea into the Cat’s ear that Miller thinks is great…He doesn’t share it with anybody else, though…

 

• The Perfect Event is sitting in a trailer, annoying a production dude…Stasiak presses a button…We cut to the ring, where Penzer bumps for a sudden burst of pyro…Back in the truck, TPE…uh, not The Public Enemy, as I have used that acronym in the past, but The Perfect Event…Anyway, they get a chuckle out of the whole deal…

 

• Jeff Jarrett (w/The Cat and Mike Awesome) walks to the ring to gab for a bit…Jarrett bigs himself up…He declares that the SLAP NUTS t-shirt is the fastest seller in WCW history…I know heels are supposed to lie, but keep it plausible, man…He smack talks Hulk/Hollywood/F.U.N.B. Terry Bollea…Nah, just ignore him, dude, don’t encourage him to join this show by talking about him…Jarrett offers Hogan the Elder a title shot at Bash at the Beach, which I thought Hogan had already earned anyway on account of he beat Kidman at the previous PPV…On and on and on Jarrett goes…He’s going to find a woman who is of a weight too high for Jarrett’s personal tastes and get her to sing after Hogan loses to him at BatB…

 

• Oh no, Mike Awesome is talking next?...Why?!...Awesome has Scott Steiner lined up for BatB…He says that he’s going to attack Steiner’s oft-injured back, but in as goofy a way as possible…The Cat does his spot where he asks for everyone’s attention politely before rudely telling everyone to SHUT THE HELL UP…After talking about controlling Scott Hall’s contract for a bit, he then offers up Smooth’s big booking idea for the night…The Cat threatens to toss a lady out of the building, so someone in the crowd tosses a drink at him and he has to be held back by Mike Awesome…The Cat books Awesome and Jarrett against Kevin Nash and Scott Steiner…He dances, but Jarrett and Awesome are bummed about that booking decision…

 

• General Rection yells at his troops…We go into a first-person view that is quite the production choice…Everyone does some bad comedy…Also, the Cat’s “no interference” rule from Monday is apparently still in effect…

 

• The Bull toughens up through some targeted training with Terry Funk…The Funker beats him in the head with a can, then kicks the guy in the balls…He takes a head shot from the Bull to test the guy…The Bull passes that test and Funk stops the beating…

 

• Recap: Paisley, Tygress, and Major Gunns are having some sort of mini-feud that I don’t care about, no offense to any of those ladies…

 

• OK, so we’re getting a mixed tag match…There are Filthy Animals here…There are Misfits in Action around…And here comes The Artist and Paisley…I guess it’s a Triple Threat Mixed Tag?...I think it’s The Artist and Paisley vs. Rey and Tygress vs. Loco and Gunns…Tygress tags Rey in to fight Gunns…She slaps him and punts him in the balls…That’s how this is going…What a criminal waste of Chavo and Rey, who have a nice sequence that is all too short…Paisley is a decent athlete, but Tygress and Gunns are both a mess…The Artist isn’t all that great either…He hits Loco with a jumping DDT for three…Lance Storm hops the rail and clears out all these mediocre American chucklefucks post-match…

 

• In the back, Dale Torborg spots Vampiro’s hearse…He searches it, but finds only one of Asya’s hoop earrings…

 

• There are no app commercials cut into this Thunder, which is pretty sweet…After what would normally be a break, Torborg attacks Vampiro as Vamp walks down the ramp…Vamp gets Torborg to back off by waving around Asya’s other hoop earring…Torborg backs off as Vamp grabs a mic and tells Torborg to calm his tatas because he’s got Asya in a secure place that nobody will ever find…Torborg and Vampiro do some TERRIBLE visual acting while Vamp talks about what a lunatic he is…Like how he cuts out the lights and pops up in a hearse…Totes sick, much disturbing…Vamp wants Torborg to go back to being the KISS Demon…He basically tells Torborg to do what he says or Asya will be lost in the void or whatever dumbass place Vampiro teleports his victims to in kayfabe…

 

• The Cat is unsettled by Vampiro, but he’s even more unsettled by Shane Douglas coming up and asking him for a favor…He suggests that the Cat book Bam Bam and Candido against Buff Bagwell…Of course, the Cat pretends that he came up with the idea himself…Douglas just accepts this idea theft with a, “You’re a great booker,” which seems like the prudent thing to do…

 

• We cut back to Vampiro forcing Torborg to drive him in the hearse to some undisclosed location...This is too many segments for these fellas…

 

• Tony S. has been given a memo by the Cat…It praises Heenan and downtalks Tenay and Schiavone…Tony S. skips over that part to read the new declaration about hardcore matches, which is that they must start in the back, but end in the ring…Why?!...WCW should give up on this division already…They are so inconsistent with it and its presentation…Vito starts his defense of the title by jumping THE WALL, BROTHER in a hallway…Smashy smashy smashy…Crashy crashy crashy…We cut away to see the Funker giving a pep talk to the Bull…Vito and TW,B make it to the ring and have a wrestling match for about fifteen seconds before going back to the junk spots…Vito gets a table and sets it up, which seems like something of a risk considering his opponent…Vito and TW,B do spots while trying to avoid this table…TW,B gets space and signals for a chokeslam by standing in the corner and facing the crowd…Vito sneaks up, hooks him, and lands a running powerbomb through the table for three…Vito’s hardcore matches at least end with pretty sweet spots lately, I’ll say that much…TW,B struggles to his feet, so Vito clocks him with the belt…

 

• Goldberg is annoyed by these security dweebs knocking on his door to signal that it’s his segment time…He goozles a cop in what some might consider a huge babyface move…

 

• Recap: Goldberg and Nash are beefing once again…

 

• Goldberg comes to the ring to a babyface pop…Goldberg cuts an okay promo on Nash, whom he says is not in the building right now…Goldberg basically doesn’t like this dude Nash, which is understandable considering their history in this company…He notes that he really doesn’t like Scott Hall, though…Hating on Hall finally gets this dude a few boos…Scott Hall is legit the biggest babyface in this company…Fucking wild…Anyway, Goldberg cuts a promo in which he basically justifies his heel turn by saying that Hall and Nash have been dicking people around in WCW for years…This promo actually ended up better than okay…He started out slowly, but got better as he kept talking…

 

• Bammer and Candido talk about how Shane Douglas is a good dude who would never dick them around…Douglas walks up to them and excitedly shares his story about manipulating the Cat, whom Douglas thinks is a moron…The Triple Threat laughs about it, but considering that everyone in this company seems to be watching everyone else on monitors at all times, maybe Douglas should have been more careful about what he said while near a camera…

 

• **Howard Finkel voice**: I HAVE JUST BEEN INFORMED THAT SHAWN MICHAELS GOLDBERG HAS LEFT THE BUILDING…On the other hand, Kevin Nash and Scott Steiner arrive at the building…They roll up right past the limo that Goldberg exits in…Goldberg spots them, but they don’t spot him…The limo rolls to a halt...It looks like Goldberg has decided to stick around and wreak some havoc later tonight…

 

• Recap: Shane Douglas ditched Buff Bagwell…Switching from backing Buff to backing Bammer and Candido seems like a lateral move at best…

 

• Buff Bagwell is upset as his delayed pyro…We cut to the production truck, where The Perfect Event is still up to fuckery…Bam Bam and Candido enter the ring next…Candido is out of his sling, but is wearing a cast…Buff’s swinging neckbreakers are so loose, man…Hey, whoa, we haven’t had Judy Bagwell propped up on a forklift yet…Last we saw her, she was beating the shit out of Roddy Piper…I didn’t realize that this Judy Bagwell forklift deal happened this late in WCW’s existence…I also recall a pregnancy scare angle with Dopey Dave and Hancock…Yikes, this show is going to be dumb for another two months of airtime at the very least, huh?...

 

• This match exists and is what it is…A lot of this is just not good…Lots of ugly positioning and Buff and Bigelow look especially sloppy…Buff leaps over Bammer and hits a Blockbuster, then hits a sinfully ugly double-arm DDT on Bam Bam…He goes up to hit Bammer with a Blockbuster, but is clobbered with a pipe when Douglas sneaks up on him…Bigelow follows with a Greetings for three…

 

• Dopey Dave greets Daffney at the door, proffers a hug, and gets slapped…After a break, Dopey Dave tries to pass off that the guy Daffney saw on the monitor with Hancock was Jeff Jarrett, or Private Stash, or maybe just some production guy…Dammit, Daffney believes this scumbag…I’m actually invested in this storyline, by the way…

 

• Recap: Booker T. is back to being Booker T., thankfully…

 

• Here’s Positively Kanyon with another DDP impression…Kanyon says that his book will be read by Ernest Borgnine on audio and that Harvey Keitel is playing him in the film adaptation…He reads a chapter from his book that he says is titled “Morons, Idiots, and Buffoons”…What is Pretty much everyone who was ever in charge of WCW's creative, Alex?...Kanyon hates on Booker and DDP as a part of this reading…Booker’s music cuts Kanyon off, and Booker walks to the ring on a mission…Book beats down Kanyon, who gets in a spot of offense after an eye rake…It doesn’t last long, so Kanyon bails himself out with a book to the dome…It’s a hardcover copy, so, you know, that would hurt, but Tony S. is like HOW COULD THAT POSSIBLY HURT?!...Well, there’s a brick stuck in a hollowed-out part of the book, but I still think the book shot itself would hurt…

 

• This fucking David Flair…He gets Daffney into a car, then tells her that he forgot one thing…The one thing he forgot was to intimidate the production guy who is sitting with The Perfect Event by forcibly shaving his head…Well, that should keep any unfortunate camera shots of Dave smooching Hancock off monitors for at least a little while, huh?...

 

• Shane Douglas re-enters the office of the Cat, who tells Douglas that he broke the “no interference” rule and now the Cat’s gotta fire this guy…See, the Cat was watching a monitor somewhere, stupid…The Cat thinks about it as Douglas panics and says that maybe he can reverse that firing if Douglas manages to draw some big ratings…Specifically by fighting KroniK in a handicap match…The Cat: “You outta your job if you don’t get out there and do a job”…That was cold, Cat…

 

• The Perfect Event taunt the half-shaven production dude…He gets upset and leaves the trailer then calls them JERKBALLS and padlocks the door…

 

• Hey, it’s Three Count!...They are in the ring to debut their new hit single… FUCK YEAH, IT’S THE JIMMY HART CLASSIC THEME!...GET UP ON YOUR FEET…PUT YOUR HANDS TOGETHER…SING ALONG WITH THREE COUNT…WE’LL PARTY ON FOREVER…WE LIKE THE BACKSTREET BOYS…N’SYNC TOO…BRITNEY SPEARS IS KINDA CUTE…WE WATCH T-R-L ON M-T-V…EVERYBODY THREE COUNT, ONE TWO THREE…ONE…TWO…THREE…Heenan: “Jacksons, eat your heart out”…Even Tony S. knows enough to laugh at this hopelessly out-of-date doofus…So, the dance routine is so comically bad that it comes back around to being amazing…We cut to the back, where Crowbar, the M.I.A., and THE WALL, BROTHER all share their disdain for what is, in this humble writer’s opinion, a song-and-dance routine which is quintessential artistry…Geniuses are oft-unappreciated in their own time…Actually, we get more camera cuts, and it seems that the whole locker room hates this song…Except for, HAHAHAHAHA, Tank Abbott, who bounces his head approvingly while listening to it…OK, that was really funny…

 

• Oh no, KroniK storms out here to beat up Three Count…Karagias immediately blows a springboard because he’s about as good at wrestling as he is at dancing…Tank, disgusted by this intrusion, screams in anger at the monitor he’s watching…Meanwhile, Adams and Clarke launch these extremely bouncy cruiserweights…They clear the ring, then grab a microphone…Adams is a complete dork…Anyway, Adams calls out Shane Douglas for his asskicking…Douglas’s face as he steps through the curtain is pretty good…He’s horrified, but also he's clearly plotting because he’s always plotting, even when he’s horrified…The best plan he can come up with is not to bother with this match…He backs down the aisle and right into Buff Bagwell, who carts him right back to the ring…

 

• Douglas tries to give KroniK a fight, but he’s generally unsuccessful…Meanwhile, the desk can’t figure out whether this is a handicap match or a Triple Threat Match…Adams and Clarke completely blow a top rope move that they were supposed to blow, but they shoot blow the kayfabe blowing of the move…They look like they’re going to fight to Douglas’s joy, but no…KroniK hits Douglas with a High Times for three…The dopes in the production truck play a Booker (with no T.)-style theme for KroniK…KroniK, upset, heads back to find them…Palumbo and Stasiak try to escape the trailer before KroniK arrives, but find that they are locked in…

 

• After a break, the production guy comes back and unlocks the door so that KroniK can drag The Perfect Event out of the trailer and beat the shit out of them…

 

• We cut back to Vampiro and Torborg in what I think is a poorly-lit graveyard…Vamp points to a coffin and says that Asya is in it, but she’s not…Vamp hits Torborg with a shovel as Torborg looks into the coffin…OK, so we cut to the desk, then cut back to see Vamp drag a handcuffed Asya to the coffin…She checks on her lower-midcard fiancé as Vampiro drives away, declaring that he expects to see the KISS Demon return as a result of this very stupid traumatic event…

 

• Jeff Jarrett and Mike Awesome wrestle Kevin Nash and Scott Steiner in the Thunder main event…The Cat dances out before the babyfaces hit the ring…He joins commentary once more…Scott Steiner does not need the U.S. Championship…Thing is, I’m not sure who else you’d put it on at this point…Kanyon?...Who else is positioned in a way that winning that belt would do something for them?...Mike Awesome has been signaled as not at that level, in my opinion, or I’d say him…Just put it on Lance Storm ASAP…

 

• The Cat and Heenan take turns making fun of Tenay’s appearance and fake laughing, which cracks me up…Even Tony S. is kind of amused…The Cat, emotionally buoyed by teaming up with Heenan to insult Tenay, declares that “this is a GREAT show!”…Our main event is a truncated match, only about eight minutes, if that…The babyfaces shine early as Jarrett takes a beating…Nash catches Jarrett on a dive and chokeslams him for two…Awesome interjects from his spot on the apron and puts Nash in a spot of trouble that doesn’t last very long…Steiner tags in, and Awesome and Jarrett are able to double up on him and put him in jail for a bit…

 

• Steiner’s FIP segment is maybe a minute, maybe…The match breaks down as Nash and Steiner work out of trouble…Steiner hits a press slam and then, since the Steiner Recliner isn’t legal, lands a double-underhook suplex for three…Steiner locks Jarrett in the Recliner after the match…The Cat confronts him, but Nash mows Miller down…Awesome clears Nash out, then hits Steiner with the U.S. title belt and a release German onto the belt…Steiner fights back, hits a belly-to-belly, and puts Awesome up top…Jarrett recovers and attacks Steiner; Awesome comes off the top with a splash…Nash re-enters the fray and clears the heels out with big boots…Goldberg walks onto the ramp holding Hall’s contract, which I guess he regurgitated?...I don’t know…Anyway, he holds up the contract and taunts Nash as the show ends…

 

• This was not a good show, but it was not altogether unpleasant…It was just run-of-the-mill below average…I could get used to this thing where Russo, Bischoff, and the Hulkster don’t have any TV time…Well, I’ll get two-thirds of that scenario after approximately the next five shows, at least….OWWW…

[twiztor]

On 11/25/2024 at 9:02 PM, SirSmUgly said:

Show #245 – 19 June 2000

• We might be at about the point where Jarrett has a case for being a legitimately great worker, but I assume his NWA-TNA-era nonsense probably destroys that case, huh? I refuse to go back and watch that stuff week to week; seeing it every once in a great while when I watch the TNA channel on Pluto is enough.

Jarrett IS a legitimately great worker. above average in-ring, with flashes of greatness. *JUST* the right amount of carny. He's a generally good promo, if given something somewhat meaningful to work with. He pulls off the little things exceedingly well. if semi-regularly listening to his podcast has shown me anything, it's that he has a more than competent mind for the business side of pro wrestling as well. The guy GETS IT. 

But this heel persona, that feels overextended with this WCW run (i thought it was serviceable in the prior WWF run) only gets worn thinner once TNA gets its legs. He is SO overbearing, SO omni-present, and SO focused on that it just immediately kills any interest. It's less "i want the babyface to overcome this heel" and more "i just want this [title run, or angle, or feud] to be over with". His promos through at least 2006 are so vapid, so devoid of connection, that they are a net negative. ALL of his matches end in absurd overbooking and (usually) illogical swerves. Add in his stranglehold on the NWA World Title (in the 4+ years i've seen, he has held the belt more than everybody else. combined. and it's not just barely, either.) and it is entirely unbearable.

[zendragon]

He tries to do WWE main event brawl style in TNA but doesn't have nearly the heat that Stone Cold and The Rock do to make it work. However I feel that his recent AEW run has been something of a redemption tour.

[SirSmUgly]

On 11/27/2024 at 11:00 AM, twiztor said:

Jarrett IS a legitimately great worker. above average in-ring, with flashes of greatness. *JUST* the right amount of carny. 

 

On 11/27/2024 at 12:58 PM, zendragon said:

He tries to do WWE main event brawl style in TNA but doesn't have nearly the heat that Stone Cold and The Rock do to make it work. 

I think these post snippets explain a lot of it. Jarrett is (obviously) great at Memphis-style wrestling, which is really a Southern version of Russo's vision for pro wrestling in a lot of ways.

He just went full Russo by the time he was booking himself on top in TNA. Since Russo is the worst possible version of Memphis anyone could imagine, that's a real problem!

(I think this also explains why I find Russo WCW shows generally more watchable than the late '98/early '99 Bischoff/Nash slogs. I love pretty much all the Memphis that I've ever seen, and Russo's WCW is a faint echo of that stuff.)

 

Edited November 28 by SirSmUgly
Autocorrect strikes again, comrades!