Smelly watches every Nitro-era Nitro, Thunder, Clash, and PPV while sitting and sometimes maybe standing

[SirSmUgly]

Show #232 – 20 March 2000

“The one that is acutely aware of how tired and busted it is”

• Aw yeah, two more weeks until they cancel the A- and B-shows and then hit a total reset!

 

• (I think it’s sort of strange that they cancelled their shows entirely, if what I see on the upcoming schedule is accurate. That’s not going to help them get traction at all, and neither is continuing to destroy the continuity of these title histories.)

 

• Nitro starts with a bunch of stills from the NEW Worst WCW PPV Ever, Uncensored 2000!

 

• Sid Vicious celebrates with a few fans before the show because he won the big world title match last night. And by “he,” I actually mean Hulk Hogan.

 

• We’re in Gainesville, where Okerlund opens the show by calling Sid Vicious to the ring for an interview. Sid cuts a promo about Jeff Jarrett still not being the CHO-CHO-CHOSEN ONE because he’s still a pig midcarder chump. He figuratively spoke about Jarrett being a pig, but he literally meant that he was never going to let any midcarder get the jump on him and his title.

 

• Jeff Jarrett and the Harris Bros. hit the ramp and promises to drag this feud along for another month. He says that Hulk Hogan is the only reason Sid won their match. Uh, he’s got a point. Jarrett challenges Sid to a tag match in which if he pins Sid, he gets another title shot, but if Sid pins him, he’ll drop the whole title shot request deal. Jarrett chooses as his tag partner Scott Steiner (wearing a piece of tape that says CENSORED on it over his mouth). Oops, there goes the tape, and here comes Steiner trying to say full sentences and struggling at it. Basically, Steiner is going to kick Sid’s ass, but Sid is going to kick Steiner’s ass. Sid doesn’t think he needs help to beat these two, but he went and got Hulk Hogan as his tag partner anyway.

 

• Hogan walks out here and cuts his usual whatever promo, but he agrees to help Sid out in what is yet another Nitro main event that I am praying ends up being a four-minute special. Jeff Jarrett “Slapnuts/Slapass” Count: 3.

 

• Mark Madden does the RVD point while Tony S. runs through the Uncensored results. WCW should have hired Rob Van Dam at this point. That guy is money for the first six or eight months of his runs before the novelty wears off. Sign him and rocket him to the top for a quick, short-term boost to your show, easy peasy.

 

• Sting will face Ric Flair later tonight in what is a fresh matchup. TTP will face Vampiro. Team Package fires each other up backstage.

 

• Ooh, free Better than Ezra concert at WCW Spring Break-Out! Actually, I know that band name, but I couldn’t tell you anything about their music. We go into a pre-tape with Riki Rachtman doing Riki Rachtman stuff. They’re at Florida State, but unfortunately, famed alum Ron Simmons is nowhere to be seen. Ron Simmons rules. The Acolytes are pretty great, too. What if WCW had its own version of that team? What if, indeed?

 

• Chavo Jr. asks Okerlund what the hell WCW was thinking, not giving him a Cruiserweight Championship tournament spot. No one knows, Chavo. He also uses a bit of misdirection to yap Okerlund’s wallet, which gets a light chuckle form the crowd.

 

• Paisley cuts off Tony S. and his incessant questions toward TAFKAPI while she and the Artist sit at the commentary desk. When WCW started using the Nitro Girls as personalities, it became clear that most of them were not cut out for those roles. And then there’s Paisley, who transitioned into one of those roles without missing a beat. They sit on commentary for Lash LeRoux vs. “Hard Knox” Chris Candido. Candido grabs a mic before the match and bigs himself up. He says that he’s basically doing Benoit’s “no gimmick needed” gimmick and claims that he eschews catchphrases, costumes, or *looks at Paisley* trashy valets. You say that, but I’m going to be subjected to that pillhead Tammy Sytch soon enough, I’m pretty sure. Candido starts ranting about how great he is, and LeRoux dropkicks him from behind.

 

• Paisley does the talking for TAFKAPI – wise move! – while Candido and LeRoux rush through a match that is pretty enjoyable because Candido isn’t going to come out here and put up something bad unless something dire happens or the booking gets in his way. LeRoux does get a comeback going, but gets caught going up top; Candido lands a superplex, then rushes up the ropes again and drops a diving headbutt for three. Madden claims that Candido beat Baba, Inoki, and Dr. Death in a handicap match in Japan, which makes me chuckle.

 

• We spend some time with Excess backstage. They ask Ms. Hancock who she ditched them for as she passes by, and she mentions that they can meet her new duo on Thunder. Lenny and Lodi are confused when she names Los Fabulosos: “Is that Spanish?!”

 

• Hey, it’s Randy Savage! Alas, it’s only Randy Savage in a Slim Jim commercial.

 

• Fit Finlay’s coming off a loss at Uncensored, but maybe he can work out his disappointment on tonight’s opponent, La Parka. They do this Parka dub thing before the match. I wonder if this was a Ferrara initiative since they’ve kept doing it off and on while Russo’s been out of the company. Madden: “That voice didn’t sound Latino.” How can a voice sound Latino? That is a nonsense thing to say. Then he says that the voice sounded like a Wu-Tang member. Reader, that voice sounds like exactly none of the Wu-Tang Clan members. I’m beginning to doubt Madden’s claim that he grew up with Stevie and Booker in Harlem. And that’s not just because Stevie and Booker grew up in Houston, not Harlem!

 

• Oh yeah, there’s a match going on that you might be wondering about. It’s fine. Finlay dominates early. The crowd gets up for Parka’s comeback, specifically his gorgeous suicide dive. They also laugh when he does a crane pose. Soon after, he loses to a Finlay flipping slam from the fireman’s carry position. Madden thinks Ol’ Dirty is doing Parka’s voiceovers. Has this man ever heard the Wu Tang Clan in his life?

 

• Booker and Kidman are friends again! For now. They chatter on in the back.

 

• Vampiro sits backstage, cuts a promo on TTP in which he correctly blames Package for putting his hand in a cast, and then bashes the cast against a wall so that he can break it off. He says that he’ll be returning that pain to Package later tonight, but in an unsatisfying way that makes me wonder why they’re giving Vampiro regular mic time.

 

• Gene Okerlund is back in the ring to interview David Flair, who walks out wearing a neck brace. Daffney follows him to the ring. Dopey Dave sets up a table while Tony S. talks about the stills they just showed from THE WALL, BROTHER’s rampage at Uncensored. I mean, if we can call it a rampage. It wasn’t that serious. It was more like a minor dust-up. Dave gets in the ring and says that Bammer and Crowbar are in the same hospital room, but there’s one bed left, and he calls TW,B a “big, fat, hairy goof” before demanding his presence so that he can put him through the table that he set up. Huh, that was alright mic work, Dopey Dave. Low bar, but you cleared it. TW,B comes out, clubs Dave (who ripped his neck brace off earlier), and goozles him. He lets him go, and Dave turns to leave even though he was supposed to be out here on a mission to hurt TW,B. TW,B jumps him anyway, just playing with his food, and ignores a Daffney extinguisher blast before sticking Dave through the table with a chokeslam. Replays will show that the table snapped back and bonked poor Dave in the head on his impact.

 

• PSA: Brian Knobbs tells the kids to save their heads for school and not for bashing each other with trash can lids or other plundah.

 

• Billy Kidman (w/Torrie Wilson) walks the ramp; they are soon joined in the ring by Booker T. That win they got the night before at Uncensored earned them a tag title shot at the Harris Bros., whose title reign at least isn’t going to last very long, whether or not it ends tonight. Booker starts out with Da/oR and outwrestles him, then lands an axe kick and a Spinaroonie before covering for two; Ra/oD breaks up the pinfall. Both men tag out and Kidman is FIP, like immediately, in fact.

 

• Kidman does score a counter-dropkick out of a slam attempt and get a hot tag pretty soon. Booker jumps in and lands a pair of Book Ends on each guy, but one of the brothers breaks up the tag. The twins ram into one another, but Kidman lands a rebound bulldog on one. Book goes up to land a Houston Hangover on the other one, but the other Harris Bro hits him with a tag belt. Torrie jumps on a Harris Brothers’ back at ringside and gets tossed off, but Kidman saves her with a chair shot. Pointless television match.

 

• Disco tries to cheer up a despondent pair of Mamalukes, but they’re mad at Disco for not securing their tag titles rematch. They threaten him, and Disco scurries away. Vito seems like he’s about ready to fire Disco, which would get him out of that whole “manage our mob guys because you’re in debt to us” deal pretty clean and free, actually! I mean, if that’s still a story beat that we’re acknowledging.

 

• The Total Package (w/Liz) wrestles Vampiro next. Package cuts a pre-match promo in which he is unsure of his opponent’s name and then says that he shall be showing him how midcarder chumps get treated by a main eventer like himself. Vampiro does a fake-out and jumps Package from behind while his music and pyro play at the entrance. Vamp lands a bunch of offense on Package, but TTP forearms him in the testes when he sets up for a top-rope rana. Package takes over, lands a back suplex, and ponderously lands strikes.

 

• An ASSHOLE chant breaks out as Package lands a press slam and grins, then initiates an obligabrawl. I have to say this for TTP; he’s definitely over as a heel in these arenas. He’s absolutely still got value, but I don’t think it’s in wrestling in the semi-main on PPV or in having singles matches much longer than six or eight minutes on television.

 

• Package wins that obligabrawl I mentioned, takes it back inside, and fires off a kneelift before landing a powerslam. He signals for the Torture Rack and, maybe with a bit too much confidence, yells HERE WE GO before lifting Vamp for it. Vamp slips out of the back and lands a flurry of offense that he caps off with a diving clothesline from the top that gets 2.5. That’s about when Ric Flair makes his appearance. Vampiro hits a diving crossbody, kicks Flair off the apron, and then knocks Package back down, but Liz tosses him the bat while Flair engages the ref. TTP tees off with the bat and waffles Vampiro, then locks on a Torture Rack for the submission victory. TTP and Flair stomp out Vamp until Sting races in and runs them off.

 

• Okerlund enters the nWo office and interviews Jeff Jarrett, who says nothing of consequence or notice. Scott Steiner, on the other hand, castigates Okerlund for walking into an nWo locker room joyfully even though Okerlund's a WCW employee, says that he’s fully erect (basically), and then tells Hogan that he was only the nWo's champion because he had guys like Steiner for backup. Yeahhhhhhh, even though doing so always constitutes a risk, maybe let Steiner do the talking and Jarrett can sit there quietly, wielding his guitar. Just keep the production truck on notice and get that bleeper bleepin’.

 

• Pre-tape: Rachtman’s hoodie advertises a skateboard company that clearly appreciates more about Krispy Kreme than just its donuts, if the logo on that shirt is any indication.

 

• The Nitro Girls dance. Gene Okerlund interviews Dustin Rhodes backstage. Rhodes threatens Curt Hennig, his opponent for the night. He also shits on the olds, including Funk, DDP, Piper, and Hogan. I don’t know, buddy, you’ve been on TV for like a decade at this point. You might not be the best guy to trumpet this message.

 

• Pre-tape: We get Sid Vicious at a press conference supposedly held right after Uncensored. Ha, as if anyone from the press would actually go to Uncensored. I can’t suspend my disbelief for this segment. The Hulkster walks in to steal some of Sid’s shine support his new buddy who just so happens to also be WCW World Heavyweight Champion, huh, maybe they can have a title match between friends soon?

 

• Norman Smiley and Hugh Morrus hook it up. It’s almost the end of March, and no Misfits in Action yet. I assume that when the calendar turns to April, we’re finally going to get to that angle, which I have to say looms large in my mind because when I tuned back into WCW again in the middle of 2000 as a curious teen wondering What’s going on with this wrestling company that I used to love?, I spent a lot of time shitting on the whole stable while I watched.

 

• Smiley gets beaten up. Smiley screams. Smiley gets control. Smiley tries a Big Wiggle. Smiley gets beaten up. Smiley screams. Smiley tries to do some damage. Smiley gets beaten up again. Smiley eats two of Morrus’s embarrassing attempts at establishing a gaga-ful elbowdrop, a la the People’s Elbow. Smiley gets pulled up at two on covers a couple of times. Smiley gets a flash pinfall attempt for two. Smiley then gets hit with a No Laughing Matter while the KISS Demon’s music plays. Smiley is checked on by the Demon, and the Demon gets attacked by Morrus. Smiley should probably be used more effectively.

 

• Curt Hennig cuts a backstage promo with Okerlund in which he demands RESPECT, even from a fellow second-gen like Dustin Rhodes.

 

• Okerlund stands outside Syko Sid’s dressing room and blathers on about this underwhelming Nitro main event that is still to come.

 

• Curt Hennig faces off with Dustin Rhodes; the latter is coming off a PPV win over Terry Funk that honestly doesn’t mean much after Funk’s previous PPV losses to Kevin Nash and Ric Flair. What if, instead of this ill-advised Dustin Rhodes heel turn, you tagged Rhodes and Funk together? Neither of them should be wrestling solo all that much in 2000, Rhodes because he’s going through a career downturn and Funk because he needs some help and can’t be run out here in his mid-50s two-to-three times a week for singles matches.

 

• I find myself opining on how these wrestlers are being used and not on the matches, which is a bad sign. Tonight’s matches aren’t shitty; they are rote and boring, though. This one has another typical obligabrawl that leads to a DQ when Rhodes rips Hennig’s cast off and then punches the ref. Rhodes attacks Hennig’s arm with the chair, but – oh man, too much of this fucking guy – Hulk Hogan power walks in and makes the save. Madden sarcastically speaks for me: “Why doesn’t he run in on every match? Every match, every segment, do a promo, save somebody, pin somebody, HOGAN HOGAN HOGAN HOGAN. This is wonderful; I love this.” Hogan raises Hennig’s arm while Madden gets mock excited that yet another wrestler has Hogan’s “stamp of approval” so graciously bestowed upon them.

 

• Then, no lie, we cut to Okerlund in the back, standing next to Sid, and Okerlund’s first words are, “I was hoping to get a few words with Hogan…” I mean, I get that Madden is trying to commentate as though he spends far too much time posting on RSPW, but also, he’s saying something that all the people who aren’t watching this show anymore actually think – especially in WCW’s home base of the Mid-Atlantic and Deep South.

 

• Anyway, this show is really bumming me out. It’s not doing so in a bombastic way, like your typical Russo show or in a baffling way like a Nash show, but boy, it’s out of any ideas whatsoever. And furthermore, it wants you to know it, considering Madden’s commentary about how stale all this nonsense is. Sid insults Jarrett and then tells Jimmy Hart to watch for interference when Hart wanders into the shot.

 

• Sting joins Okerlund backstage next. Sting’s first line about his match with Ric Flair: “How many more times, Ric?” Is this show trying to make me question why I still watch it?

 

• Tank Abbott walks to the ring as Tony S. ignores another anti-Hulkster rant from Madden to instead unenthusiastically recount Abbott’s actions at Uncensored. We cut to the back where Meng snarls and promises to kick Tank’s ass soon. I wonder if it’ll even happen considering the change of power in creative. The chyron audibly and visually glitches when Barbarian walks to the ring. Barb moves the ref out of the way and then goes at it with Tank; they trade blows. Barb wins the first exchange and lands some chops, but Tank catches him on a rope run, slams him, and grapples with him. Barbarian finagles a belly-to-belly and then whales away on Tank in the corner. Ref Billy Silverman jumps in to break it up, so Barb backs him off again and turns around into a left-right combo that knocks him out.

 

• Tony S., hyping the Flair/Sting match that is next after the break: “We’ve seen it before, but what’s gonna happen this time?” I bet we can guess, buddy.

 

• Once Bischoff came back to television in 1999 and joined the desk to talk extensively about how WCW was getting washed in the Monday Night Wars and how it was his fault for taking his eye off the ball, we’ve gotten more and more open commentary about how much WCW sucks now or how old and busted it is from WCW itself via its commentators and wrestlers. I’m not sure about that strategy, to say the least!

 

• One more pre-tape: It’s Rachtman, who has learned the term “gimmick” and uses it to refer to the fake bird that is perched on his shoulder, as in he says something like, I guess I need a gimmick now *points to bird*.

 

• Other than Sting/Ric Flair on the final Nitro, which is understandably booked on that show, I don’t need to see these two cross paths again. They didn’t even manage to change it up all that much in late ’99 when Sting was the heel and Flair was the babyface. Anyway, they do the spots they always do, in the rough order that they often do them. Madden ironically expresses disbelief when Sting is suckered in on a spot that Sting is always suckered in on when he wrestles Flair. Again, maybe don’t point it out, but also, you are correct, Madden.

 

• A paranoid Ric Flair, realizing that he’s over fifty and that the vigor of his youth has long evaporated, using the power of the WCW Presidency to hang on to his belt even as he is clearly outwrestled by younger challengers (and not Sting or Nash or Hulk fucking Hogan, let me make clear, when I say “younger challengers”) was a money angle. Oh well, ever since Flair in the presidency was aborted without creative ever giving it the development that it rated, Flair has been a massive negative on these shows. The bad DDP feud, the weak feud with the Funker, this shitty run with Team Package – it’s a bummer to see him on my television.

 

• Sting fights off Flair and an interfering TTP after he makes his inevitable no-selling comeback. Package rips Charles Robinson out of the ring before the ref can signal that Flair has submitted to a Scorpion Deathlock; the bell rings for a DQ or no contest or what the hell ever. Team Package finally gets Sting down after a ball shot, but Vampiro runs them off.

 

• The main event pits, if you’ll recall, Jeff Jarrett and Scott Steiner (w/Midajah, Kim, Tylene, and the Harris Bros.) against Sid Vicious and Hulk Hogan. The ladies get sent to the back before the match; Jarrett lampshades that they should know how this goes by now. Scott Steiner drops a HULK HOGAN AIN’T SHIT into a microphone at the desk. Well, we get a six-minute special, which is two minutes too long for my tastes, but I can deal. Since, as we all know by now, none of the action leading up to the finish matters in a Nitro main event, let me just skip you right to the finish.

 

• Sid gets a hot tag after spending a couple of minutes as FIP. The crowd gets hot for Scotty flicking the Hulkster off as part of that FIP segment, by the way. Well, with Steiner back, there is zero need to try and push Jeff Jarrett as your lead heel anymore. Hogan gets a hot tag and they close in on Sid’s perturbed face. Hogan kills both heels, and even if this is a self-aware sort of deal, it’s still annoying that Hogan is centered on this show. Sid pops up, powerbombs Hogan, and, um, pins him for three? Look, it doesn’t need to make sense.

 

• This show-ending angle was so bad that if I didn’t know that Russo was on his way back to get Hogan to feud with Billy Kidman – a humiliating experience for Hogan, which is what tickles me the most about it – I would be in complete despair of another Hogan/Sid feud where Sid has turned heel to accommodate Hogan doing his tired babyface act. We saw that shit eight years ago, WCW Creative. Geez. And you can't talk about how old and tired you are, and then go back to an old and tired angle as your response to your own negative self-evaluation, either.

 

• So once again, thank goodness for Vince Russo. Say what you will about him, but he neutered Hogan’s bullshit more than once during his pair of runs as WCW’s head of creative.

 

• The phrase “what’s old is new again” only works when the old thing goes away for awhile and then comes back, feeling fresh and interesting to a new generation. In WCW, it’s more like “what’s old is still fucking old, please switch things up already.” -250,000 out of 5 Stinger Splashes.

[twiztor]

3 hours ago, SirSmUgly said:

Show #232 – 20 March 2000

• Ooh, free Better than Ezra concert at WCW Spring Break-Out! Actually, I know that band name, but I couldn’t tell you anything about their music.

 

• Madden: “That voice didn’t sound Latino.” How can a voice sound Latino? That is a nonsense thing to say. Then he says that the voice sounded like a Wu-Tang member. Reader, that voice sounds like exactly none of the Wu-Tang Clan members. Madden thinks Ol’ Dirty is doing Parka’s voiceovers. Has this man ever heard the Wu Tang Clan in his life?
• Okerlund enters the nWo office and interviews Jeff Jarrett, who says nothing of consequence or notice. Scott Steiner, on the other hand, castigates Okerlund for walking into an nWo locker room joyfully even though Okerlund's a WCW employee, says that he’s fully erect (basically), and then tells Hogan that he was only the nWo's champion because he had guys like Steiner for backup. Yeahhhhhhh, even though doing so always constitutes a risk, maybe let Steiner do the talking and Jarrett can sit there quietly, wielding his guitar. Just keep the production truck on notice and get that bleeper bleepin’.
  The main event pits Jeff Jarrett and Scott Steiner against Sid Vicious and Hulk Hogan. Scott Steiner drops a HULK HOGAN AIN’T SHIT into a microphone at the desk. The crowd gets hot for Scotty flicking the Hulkster off as part of that FIP segment, by the way. Well, with Steiner back, there is zero need to try and push Jeff Jarrett as your lead heel anymore.

• Better Than Ezra's hit single, "Good":
  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zhs0JD6XJyQ&pp=ygUVYmV0dGVyIHRoYW4gZXpyYSBnb29k
• Madden has to be doing this kind of stuff on purpose, right? Like, i can't figure out if he's straight up trying to mock the fans, mock "the office", or just crack Tony/the boys/whoever. His 'comedic stylings' don't land very often, but the occasional gem shines through.
• i think you've just nailed it. Imagine if Jarrett came in as heel Scott Steiner's cohort and hovered there for a length of time. Steiner invariably gets injured and/or says something stupid and gets himself suspended. Jarrett would naturally slide into Steiner's spot and absorb that heat. THAT could have actually gotten him to be seen as a main eventer. But since they just thrust him into that ME spot upon arrival, the fans never fully took to it. It wasn't earned. 
  Now, whether he could maintain that heat/spot is another question. But it probably would have logically elevated him.

Edited October 12 by twiztor

[SirSmUgly]

Thunder Interlude – show number one hundred and four –22 March 2000

"The WCW Gang seems not to understand its own Hulk Hogan-focused angle"

• When did Russo and Bischoff agree to come back?...Usually by now, Thunder feels like it’s in a holding pattern before the new creative comes in, but that’s not true this time…We start with a recap of Sid’s sudden, out-of-nowhere heel turn…They’re going to drive on with that storyline until, what, Sid and Hogan immediately make up to stand against the New Blood or something?...Eh, we’ll see soon enough…

 

• Tank Abbott opens the show by, uh, talking?...OK, he just cuts an unconvincing short promo in which he calls for an opponent he can quickly feed a two-piece to…Fit Finlay responds to the call…They do a mediocre approximation of shoot fighting in a wrestling ring…Finlay controls for most of this, but get gets up to shove the ref away after a break and catches a right…Tank makes to leave, but Meng comes out next…Finlay, who hadn’t been KO’d and was still moving to try and get to his feet, jumps Tank from behind and knocks him outside into Meng…Tank and Meng have a pull-apart brawl as the match is thrown out…

 

• We suddenly cut to Hulk Hogan getting the best of Sid Vicious in a backstage brawl…Only three more PPVs between me and Bash at the Beach 2000…

 

• We cut back to the ring, where Gene Okerlund interviews Finlay…Finlay says he’s going to beat some respect for pro wrestling into Abbott…Hogan beats the hell out of Sid into the aisle and interrupts the interview…Sid rolls into the ring to get some space, and Finlay shoves him for interrupting his talky time…Sid chokeslams Finlay…Do I agree more with the guy holding the WHY AM I HERE sign or the guy with the I’D RATHER BE AT SMACKDOWN sign?...Hmmm…

 

• Sid grabs Okerlund’s tie and threatens to break Okerlund’s neck if Hogan advances…Sid is tired of Hogan being on screen, basically…Aren’t we all…Apparently, Sid prepared a video to help explain himself…At Uncensored, it seems that that Sid was like, Meh, do you really need to step in on my match, which was part of their alliance-making conversation that kicked off Uncensored…He sort of agreed to the alliance, but reluctantly, I suppose…I wrote that he did agree, affirmatively, no reservations, in that review...Sid's actions in the segment didn’t come off as a clear storyline catalyst to me, but what the hell, I also could have just been bored with the show and didn’t pick up the marker that they were supposed to be putting down…Sid thinks Hogan needs to stop putting himself into other champions’ affairs…He’s like STEP OFF, HULK…He challenges Hogan to a fight; Hogan agrees, but off-mic, and he’s ultimately backed away by a phalanx of security men…

 

• Now they’re trying to get this angle over by asking other wrestlers what they thought about it…Buff Bagwell gives an opinion and then we cut immediately to the nWo dressing room…Steiner, laughing derisively at Buff: “What a kiss-ass; he sucks”…Ah, still mad at one another, I see…Good, I don’t want you two bros making up and getting back together…

 

• Now we’ve got Sid commandeering a bunch of security dudes for some purpose...I stupidly didn’t think Sullivan and Company could do worse with their main event feud scene than they did leading up to Uncensored, but here we are…

 

• Now Okerlund is in the back and asking Dustin Rhodes about what happened to Hogan…OK, I have to stop here to, um, complain some more, I suppose…Sorry about all the complaining, honestly…Way back when I first started writing these reviews, I responded to a post about this period of WCW in which I said that I’d try to focus on what is good about the shows more than go on these rants about the bad stuff that everyone else in the history of reporting on late-stage WCW has done…What I didn’t realize is that there would be so little good stuff!...

 

• Anyway, this show is doing the WHERE’S POOCHIE HULKSTER thing again…That would work only if you are portraying Hogan as the delusional shithead heel who sticks his nose into everything even when he’s not wanted…Instead, they’re doing this deal with Hogan and keeping Hogan as a babyface…Who in hell thinks that spamming Hulk Hogan, a guy who is beyond old and tired on television and who can’t draw a single eyeball to WCW at this point, and then telling fans NO, UR DA HEELS via heel commentator Mark Madden and heel wrestler Sid’s critiques of Hogan for the same things the fans critique him for, is going to draw a single crusty dime?...Of all the baffling storylines that WCW has done, this might be the most baffling…Russo leaves, Hogan comes back, and we go from the low-3s to the mid-2s for Nitro, and WCW thinks pulling a Principal Skinner and saying NO, IT’S THE FANS WHO ARE WRONG and spamming babyface Hogan against a bunch of heels who are kayfabe tired of him will do anything to arrest that slide?...What thee fuck?!...

 

• Also, The Simpsons has a multitude of references that can be applied to this angle, and probably to pro wrestling...or life...in general...

 

• Dustin Rhodes threatens Hulk Hogan in an interview with Okerlund...Rhodes calls him a disease that is killing the company…He challenges Hogan to a match later tonight…Why are guys who have been on television ten-plus years the ones who are targeting Hogan for being old and tired, by the way?...

 

• Now we see Hulk Hogan watching a monitor in disbelief…He’s baffled as to why nobody likes him…There are a list of reasons, dude…Kayfabe, shoot, doesn’t matter…You’re a terrible human being and no one with any sense would want you around…Jimmy Hart is like, They’re just jealous of you, bro…What an enabler that guy is…Hogan decides to accept Dustin’s challenge…

 

• Aw, yeah, it’s Three Count!...Hey, stop interrupting their dance routine…What the hell, their music keeps going in my office because it’s played in-house…The Jung Dragons hit the ring to oppose them…Heh, Helms makes fun of Noble’s headband, and Noble makes fun of Helms’s protective mask…Noble disposes of Helms, but is cut off on a dive by Moore…This starts a chain of moves in which each member of the team takes out the other and culminates in a trios dive from the Dragons onto Three Count at ringside…Noble tries to pursue Helms back in the ring, but walks into a sweet superkick from Sugar Shane…We get a couple of tags, and Kaz and Moore trade moves on one another…

 

• OK, Karagias and Helms exchange a tag, and we get a sick move combo from Three Count…First, Karagias draws the attention of the ref by facing off with the other two Dragons…Moore takes the chance to hit a vertical suplex on Kaz, but instead of suplexing him to the mat, he suplexes him across a kneeling Helms’s bent knee…Then Karagias comes back over and hooks Jimmy Yang before atomic dropping him…He drops him so that Yang’s outstretched leg gives his own partner Kaz’s throat a guillotine legdrop as he plummets toward the mat…Kaz tries to fight back, but runs into a Karagias press slam…Karagias thrusts his hips and gets a SQUEEEEEE from the ladies in the crowd…Karagias shoots Kaz into the corner, but gets reversed and wheelbarrow slammed…

 

• Yang gets the hot tag and takes care of all three Three Count members…He chucks Karagias to the floor, but Moore hits a drop toe-hold on a charging Kaz in the background…Kaz’s momentum sends him sliding to the floor…Holy shit, there is a lot going on in this match…Karagias hits a nasty powerslam to Noble on the floor…Moore and Helms combine on a top-rope Frankensteiner/Frog Splash combo on Yang in the ring for three…That was fun as fuck, folks…Three Count lines up to dance, and the Dragons recover, triple-dropkick Three Count to the floor, and steal Three Count’s dance circles…Three Count is irate when they discover what has happened…

 

• The guy with the WHY AM I HERE? sign has END THE MISERY written on the other side of that sign…This was the wrong match to debut that side of your sign, buddy…This match was so enjoyable that even though it was short, it’s worth putting on any YouTube playlist of random WCW matches…I have spent months shitting on Evan Karagias, but he’s found his niche as the power guy in a high-flying cruiserweight tag team or trio…He’s been very fun in the ring since Three Count came together…Obviously, Moore and Helms are fantastic (and helped by having tagged together for a while now – it really shows)…But Karagias integrating himself into this trio successfully is meritable…

 

• Gene Okerlund interviews Chris Candido, who is facing Chavo Guerrero Jr. for a shot at TAFKAPI’s gold…Candido talks way too fast and claims that he once tied up Lou Thesz and Karl Gotch…Uh, at the same time in a handicap match, no less…So, yeah, that’s his gimmick…As far as delusional heel gimmicks go, it’s pretty good…I’d rather watch it than Hogan’s delusional heel gimmick…Uh, hold on, being handed a note…Hmm, after reading it, it seems that Hogan is still meant to be a babyface…Sorry for the confusion…

 

• Pre-tape: Hugh Morrus thinks Sid has the right idea…

 

• Chris Candido and Chavo Guerrero Jr. hook it up…Paisley and The Artist view the proceedings by candlelight in their locker room…With a gesture, TAFKAPI sends Paisley somewhere…Probably out here soon enough…There’s a nice pacey opening to start…Chavo holds on to a headlock out of a rope run, but Candido works Chavo to the corner and breaks it with a shoulderblock, then whips Chavo to the corner…Holy shit, Candido takes a great bump when Chavo, in the corner, backdrops Candido to the floor…Chavo follows with a dive…Back in the ring, Chavo grabs the ropes when whipped in and avoids a Candido leapfrog, but he charges Candido and gets overhead suplexed while Paisley joins commentary…

 

• Paisley is not impressed by Candido, who scores a pair of two counts and then scores a nice stalling vertical suplex for two more…Heenan and Paisley have good rapport as heels who, unlike everyone else, understand TAFKAPI’s genius…Chavo fights back and hits a spinebuster for two…They save a floatover DDT spot that is slightly mistimed, and it comes off okay…

 

• Paisley leaves the booth and gets on the apron…She shouts at Chavo, who gets rolled up from behind for two…Candido hits a powerslam and goes up, but TAFKAPI sneaks up and shoves him to the mat while Paisley yaps at the ref…OH WOW, TAFKAPI “hits” a jumping DDT in which he overshoots Candido so badly that he barely hooks Candido’s lower back, and Candido has to launch himself face-first into the mat…STOP LETTING TAFKAPI DO THAT MOVE…A picture of him attempting to land it should be in the wrestling encyclopedia next to the term “business-exposing”…Chavo gets three, and Candido attacks him after the match…In a rage, Candido drops a diving headbutt on a prone Chavo…

 

• Backstage, Ms. Hancock is totes turned on by Los Fabulosos…She is also the victim of another late cue from WCW production staff…

 

• Scott Steiner warms up by lifting the giant enhanced tits of Midajah and Kim as they rest on either side of a weight bar…I didn’t make this up, I swear!...

 

• Excess wrestles Los Fabulosos (w/Ms. Hancock)…She comes out alone first for a great unveiling of her new team…They come out dressed like Power Rangers…I mean, if you’ve ever wanted to fuck a Power Ranger, folks, these might be your men!...Hancock joins commentary while the teams go at it…Lodi hits an ugly diving bulldog from the second rope…We see less of the match than normal because, you know, Hancock is standing out here in a pencil skirt…At least I think she’s wearing what you call a pencil skirt…They just dressed her in one way too short for someone so leggy…This match, or what we see of it, isn’t particularly good…Dandy scores a La Magistral on Lenny Lane for three…

 

• Disco Inferno orders a pizza under Vito’s name, but Vito and Johnny the Bull storm into the dressing room and demand that he order fewer pizzas and order more tag title rematches, then say that they got Disco a match against Vampiro, which they hope he enjoys alone because they have dates to go on…

 

• Chuck Palumbo makes his Thunder debut, if I’m not wrong…He’s got little chance against Scott Steiner (w/Midajah, Kim, and Tylene)…Steiner encourages the ladies to hang around at ringside, unlike Jeff Jarrett…This is Steiner’s first real match back on television, maybe…He was in the tag tournament in January, but he didn’t actually wrestle because he was still hurt…Palumbo gets mauled…He does score a nice counter-superkick in there…He goes up and hits a diving shoulderblock for two…

 

• Big Poppa Pump isn’t having any of this upset attempt nonsense and kicks Palumbo low, then wraps him in a bearhug and lands a belly-to-belly suplex…Steiner lands chops and stomps in the corner…Clothesline, bicep kiss, elbow drop…Backbreaker, double bicep pose, push-ups…Palumbo makes one more comeback with an inverted atomic drop and a crisp dropkick…He goes up top again and jumps himself into an overhead suplex...He is then locked in the Steiner Recliner for a BPP victory…That was a decent semi-competitive squash…

 

• Pre-tape: Curt Hennig makes some remarks on Sid/Hogan…

 

• Some kid in the crowd hits Disco’s dance better than Disco himself hits it…Disco angrily dances, then has the kayfabe audacity to grab a mic and yell a DISCO’S IN THA HOUUUUUUUUSE…Hilarious…Disco tells everyone that he’s done with wrestling now that he’s a world-class manager and prepares to leave, but Vampiro’s music plays before he can split…They immediately obligabrawl, which Vampiro gets the best of…

 

• Back in the ring, Vamp continues to dominate…Disco manages to get a spot of offense, and he even garners a legit DISCO SUCKS chant…He wants to dance, but Vamp won’t stay down…A couple of two-counts on a side Russian and a spinning neckbreaker is as close as Disco gets to victory…Vampiro leapfrogs over and lands a, uh, reverse enziguri?...Disco gets some space, but jumps off the top rope and into a uranage for two…Vamp goes up, lands a diving wheel kick, and then drops Disco with a Nail in the Coffin for three…Team Package immediately hops in the ring and jumps Vamp from behind…Liz gets in on the proceedings and slaps Vampiro…The heels scatter when Sting races to the ring…

 

• Stop playing Sting’s music while Ernest Miller tells Okerlund that he needs a new attendant…OH WOW, Mike Jones (WHO?!) is his new attendant…That guy is a wrestling barnacle…The Cat promises to kick the Dog’s ass, then “get the hell out this town”…

 

• Jeff Jarrett is defending his United States Championship against Buff Bagwell tonight…Jarrett cuts a Jarrett-in-2000 level of promo on Buff while being interviewed by Gene Okerlund in the back…

 

• WCW is one giant dad joke tonight, I guess…Here’s the Cat (w/Mr. Jones) to face the Dog (w/Brian Knobbs)…So, is Ms. Jones going to be introduced as the storyline betrothed of Mr. Jones until the Cat steals her?...Knobbs whips the Dog with his choke chain on the way to the ring, and the Cat grabs a mic and exclaims WHOA, Y’ALL TWO NEED TO LEAVE YOUR LOVE AFFAIR AT HOME, YA FAT-ASSED PERVERTS…The Dog clobbers the Cat, who fires himself up for a comeback and, uh, Flair flops…That gets a chuckle from the crowd (and me), but this match is already longer than it needs to be…

 

• Mickey Jay keeps Mr. Jones from handing the Cat his slippers…That allows Brian Knobbs to hit the Cat with the chain…The Cat kicks out at two and lands a quick standing side kick for three shortly after…This was definitely too long, but I’m stoked to get to Commissioner Cat, hopefully sooner rather than later, so it’s good to see him on screen…The Cat dances as Knobbs whips the Dog for failing him…

 

• Pre-tape: Tank Abbott gives a nonsensical comment on why Sid turned on Hulk Hogan: “Can’t beat 'em, join 'em”…Sid lost a couple TV matches to Jarrett, but he beat Jarrett twice on PPV for the gold…And he hasn’t joined the nWo, either…Stop asking Tank Abbott to talk, WCW Creative…

 

• The Dog ran away from Brian Knobbs backstage…The former is tearing up the locker room…Knobbs grabs his choke chain and beats him with it…What the fuck?...

 

• Norman Smiley tells Okerlund that he is being attacked by “ruffians” each week…His pronunciation of that word almost gets Okerlund to start laughing…”Ruffians,” Norm repeats, “hooligans”…Ah, RUFF-ians…Well, that’s what happens when an Englishman attempts to speak English...

 

• The KISS Demon exits his coffin for a match against Hugh Morrus…This match isn’t good, but at least it’s short…Morrus does a dumb gagaful elbowdrop…The Demon hits a clothesline and a shoulderblock that don’t do much…Morrus: NAH, GIMME SOMETHIN’ ELSE…The Demon lands an enziguri instead, which does knock Morrus down…Still, Morrus is mostly untroubled by the Demon’s attempts at offense…He plants the Demon on the mat and lands a No Laughing Matter for three…

 

• Knobbs puts the Dog in his car to go dump his dumb ass in the countryside…

 

• Gene Okerlund stands outside of Syko Sid’s dressing room and promises to try and talk to him at some point…

 

• The KidCam catches a different shot of Buff Bagwell finishing his pre-tape from earlier in the show...It keeps rolling, and we see Buff shooting his shot at, and getting his shot turned back by, the production lady immediately after…She rejected his shot like she was Dikembe Mutombo (RIP)…All that was missing was a finger wag…

 

• Gene Okerlund barges into Sid’s dressing room and finds it vacant…

 

• Hype video: We’re supposed to get a package of THE WALL, BROTHER’s huge push…Production fucks it up…Heenan calls Tenay “Tony” out of habit…Finally, we get this package to play…

 

• Hulk Hogan and Jimmy Hart cut an interview with Gene Okerlund…Hogan and Okerlund think that Sid has fled the scene…That’s some classic dumb babyface assumption-making right there!...Hogan promises to beat up Dustin Rhodes later tonight…

 

• Brian Knobbs dumps the Dog and drives off…The Dog howls at the moon…I think you know which list this is going to hit…

 

• Jeff Jarrett defends the United States Championship against Buff Bagwell…Are we ever going to find out who is shooting all these videos of Buff striking out or nah?...Based on a couple of the crowd shots, Buff would have an easy enough time getting a date if he asked a lady in the audience…Jarrett and Buff flip-flop control early…Buff lands a Vader Bomb for a quick two…The Harris Bros. come to ringside immediately after, only a minute or so into this match…They interject themselves immediately to help Jarrett gain control…

 

• Jarrett lands a seated splash against the ropes on Buff…Buff tries to come back, but whiffs on a crossbody…The Harrises get involved again, but Curt Hennig randomly shows up and bashes one of them around while the other one backs off…Buff makes a comeback and lands a double-arm DDT…The Harris Bro who is not being currently bashed by Hennig gets on the apron, so there’s no count…Jarrett and that Harris Bro try to team up, but they smash into one another…Buff lands a Blockbuster on Jarrett, but gets up and celebrates, giving Scott Steiner plenty of time to make his way to the ring and spoil the match…He helps the rest of the nWo tear off Hennig’s cast and attack Hennig's injured arm…Hennig tries to fight back, but gets KABONG’d by Jarrett while Steiner locks Buff in a Steiner Recliner…Tenay: THAT DAMN nWo!...Sorry, it just doesn’t hit the same in March of 2000, buddy…Not even close…

 

• Hogan sends Jimmy Hart to find Bill Busch and get a contract for a match with Sid signed while he goes to the ring to polish off Dustin Rhodes…

 

• The (Original) American Nightmare Dustin Rhodes enters the ring for a match with Hulk Hogan…You know what you’re getting with this match…Let’s just get to the nonsense finish…After another obligabrawl that scatters our commentators away from the commentary table (Vampiro/Disco was the first one), we get a long Rhodes chinlock spot…Now is the time for you to hold up your END THE MISERY sign, fan…Hogan does his Hogan babyface comeback nonsense after spending about a year in that chinlock…Rhodes blunts his comeback by hitting Hogan with the cowbell and then tossing Nick Patrick…That’s the match…no, wait, Patrick gets up and says the match shall re-start or Rhodes will get fined…Hogan wins with a big boot and a legdrop when Rhodes gets back to the ring…Sid is on the TurnerTron…He has intercepted Jimmy Hart, and he chokeslams the diminutive Hart through a table and drops the signed contract on top…Hogan runs backstage to check on Jimmy and gets a chair to the back from Sid…*yawn*…

 

• Too much Hogan on this show, but when they focused on putting good wrestlers in the ring and letting them wrestle, it was enjoyable…Not enough of that, unfortunately…OWWWW…

[caley]

On 10/11/2024 at 9:50 PM, twiztor said:

Better Than Ezra's hit single, "Good":

The most memorable thing about them might be Norm McDonald's joke: "Number 1 in the college charts this week, Better Than Ezra. And at number 2? Ezra."

[SirSmUgly]

On 10/11/2024 at 9:50 PM, twiztor said:

• Better Than Ezra's hit single, "Good":
  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zhs0JD6XJyQ&pp=ygUVYmV0dGVyIHRoYW4gZXpyYSBnb29k

I remember this song, and I remember the band name, but I never put them together.

Quote

• Madden has to be doing this kind of stuff on purpose, right? Like, i can't figure out if he's straight up trying to mock the fans, mock "the office", or just crack Tony/the boys/whoever. His 'comedic stylings' don't land very often, but the occasional gem shines through.

This is the sort of joke that Russo would find funny (especially the contemporary references), so maybe he's getting into that mode since Vinnie Ru is coming back?

Quote

i think you've just nailed it. Imagine if Jarrett came in as heel Scott Steiner's cohort and hovered there for a length of time. Steiner invariably gets injured and/or says something stupid and gets himself suspended. Jarrett would naturally slide into Steiner's spot and absorb that heat. THAT could have actually gotten him to be seen as a main eventer. But since they just thrust him into that ME spot upon arrival, the fans never fully took to it. It wasn't earned. 
Now, whether he could maintain that heat/spot is another question. But it probably would have logically elevated him.

I like Jarrett, but he is hurt by both the hyper-push and his presentation - the Harris Bros. really drag him down in terms of looking like a serious threat. 

[SirSmUgly]

Show #233 – 27 March 2000

“The one that kicks off our final year of Nitro shows”

• I wrote the title for this review and am sad and bummed that we’re under a year to go in WCW Nitro’s lifespan. And I say that as someone who hasn’t consistently enjoyed this show since the middle of 1998, barring a brief three-week run in March/April of 1999. Still, I would take a terrible WCW over no WCW at all any day of the week.

 

• Hey, this is Spring Breakout 2000, and we’re outside, and there’s a tall building across the way. Please tell me we’re getting the segment that I’ve been waiting for since Berlyn showed up with a certain bodyguard.

 

• Okerlund pervs on some woman’s breasts at ringside, then is interrupted by Kimberly, who introduces Diamond Dallas Page. Kimberly is dressed in very little. So, is Page a babyface or what at this point? The fans start a D-D-P chant, so maybe they should just make him a babyface. Page talks about his recent back injury and promotes both Positively Page and Ready to Rumble. Page describes the latter as “Wayne’s World meets wrestling.” Well, that’s an ambitious comparison to make. He also mentions reading a review that said the movie was so funny that it would make even Janet Reno laugh. That feels a little bit dated for a reference even in 2000.

 

• Page says that when he makes it back into the ring, he’s shooting to win the world title for a third time. This brings Jeff Jarrett onto the stage to respond. I’m fairly certain that David Arquette wins the big gold before BatB 2000, so that should be coming up in the next couple of months if I don’t miss my guess. This is a mediocre promo battle between two mediocre promo guys (though Jarrett has been good at talking before and will be again in his career; it’s just that “Chosen One” Jeff Jarrett stinks as a character). The short of it is that Jarrett promises to crash the Ready to Rumble premiere and Page dorkily promises to drop him with a Diamond Cutter on the Hollywood Walk of Fame if he dares show up.

 

• Later tonight: The Brothers in Paint vs. Team Package in a Texas Tornado Tag.

 

• (Also, the Brothers in Paint are Sting and Vampiro, which is probably obvious, but I’ll mention it just in case.)

 

• Tony S. then talks about how exciting it is that Brad Siegel has brought both Eric Bischoff and Vince Russo back to work together as heads of creative in WCW. What the fuck? This is such a weird discussion to have. In kayfabe, Tony is talking about two guys helming “creative.” Maybe say that they’re going to be dual matchmakers instead or something. They tease Russo being unsure of agreeing to come back under those terms and say we’ll have a final decision from Russo later tonight. Like fifty people watching this know what the fuck you’re talking about, Schiavone.

 

• Pre-tape: Jimmy Hart chokes out Mancow on Mancow in the Morning. Oh no. Well, I guess that’s going to be a match at one of these upcoming shows.

 

• Some jobbers (one of which is Michael Modest!) have a stilted conversation about hitting the beach, but Paisley cuts in and offers one of these three jobbers on behalf of TAFKAPI, who is with her. Paisley picks out Modest and then tells them to be prepared because “the Artist does not suffer tardiness kindly,” which got a chuckle out of me.

 

• Speaking of “getting a chuckle out of me,” a pre-tape plays of Scotty Steiner asking three bikini-clad ladies in a pool (which maybe are the nWo ladies, it's hard to tell) to demonstrate the breaststroke in a somewhat desperate voice, like a horny nineteen year old on Spring Break, but in a forty-ish year old roidhead’s body. Jarrett and the Harrises come get him before the quite agreeable ladies can start strokin’.

 

• Okerlund talks to Booker T., who will face a Harris Bro later tonight since the other one has his shoulder in a sling.

 

• TAFKAPI faces Mike Modest in our first match of the night. They play not-TAFKAPI’s music, which confuses both myself and Tony S. Schiavone quickly recovers, though, because he needs to talk about Vince Russo and Eric Bischoff possibly working together instead of getting anything in the ring over. Seriously, they’re playing up a meta storyline where Russo’s creative brought the WWF to new heights that Bischoff couldn’t compete with in WCW, which got the latter fired. How will they ever work together? Who the fuck knows or cares?

 

• Chavo Jr. and Chris Candido come out to watch the match after TAFKAPI and Modest complete an obligabrawl. Tony S. stops talking about Russo and Bischoff and starts talking about this match a five hundred thousand dollar bounty that Sid has put up for anyone who takes out Hulk Hogan tonight. The men in the ring trade two counts as Chavo and Paisley argue on the apron. Modest knocks Chavo off the apron; Candido jumps Chavo as Modest knocks TAFKAPI into Paisley, who plummets off the apron and into Candido at ringside. Modest lands a running cradle piledriver for three, approximately three seconds after Madden says, Uh, this isn’t for the title, right? I can’t believe I’m actually going to miss reviewing a show that is this bad.

 

• Okerlund talks to the Harris Bros. for some reason. It’s awful. No one believes that Don Harris can pull Midajah; even if the guy is supposed to be a deluded heel, that’s a step or three beyond delusion. Ronnie agrees to wrestle Booker later.

 

• Pre-tape: It’s Spring Breakout! There are some wrestlers! There are some young men and women in various states of undress! You know the deal. If you want to know what I’m thinking, it’s this: Bring back Club la Vela.

 

• Hulk Hogan and Jimmy Hart arrive at a nearby hotel, where Vampiro catches up to them and asks them for a quick conversation.

 

• Booker T. locks up with Ron Harris (w/Don Harris) next. Since one is in a sling, I can actually tell you which is which. Booker gets about three seconds of shine before Don cheats and Ron takes control. Ron Harris dressing in an nWo shirt and jorts to wrestle this match is like the perfect encaplusation of how pathetic the nWo is in March of 2000. Book hits a Book End, but…

 

• Here’s the Latest Twist in Booker T.’s Criminally Bad Booking: Jarrett runs to the ring, draws Nick Patrick’s attention, and allows Don and Ron to jump in and hit Book with an H-Bomb that sends Booker to defeat. Then, Harlem Heat Incorporated runs down to attack Booker; Kidman tries to make the save, but fails. I could have named this segment Here’s the Latest Twist in Billy Kidman’s Criminally Bad Booking, quite honestly, and I don’t even rate Kidman like that.

 

• Vampiro tells Hogan and Jimmy Hart about the bounty upon Hogan’s head. That’s it. That’s the blipment.

 

• Via Peacock, I get a Slim Jim commercial with Eli Drake and Bianca Belair, along with old footage of Randy Savage yelling the tagline for the product. Huh.

 

• Gene Okerlund is in the ring to interview Hulk Hogan. Normally, I’d roll my eyes, but in this special circumstance, I just need this guy to do the thing. Do the thing Hogan, you idiot! Wait for it…wait for it…Wait, hold on, Hogan for the second time this watch, if I’m right, quotes “Itsy-Bitsy Teenie-Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini” because he is very old in terms of his television age, you know? These doofs in the crowd start a brief HO-GAN chant. Whatever. Look, just do the thing, Hogan, you bum.

 

• This goes on forever; Hogan quotes “Voodoo Child,” which is at least a little fresher. And then, YES, here it is! THE WALL, BROTHER’s music plays, and we cut to a spotlight on THE WALL, BROTHER standing at the top of a building across the way and holding up the goozle, and Hogan does it, he does the thing, he screams, THAT’S THE WALL, BROTHER! Ah, I’ve been waiting for this from the second THE WALL, BROTHER stepped into the frame as Berlyn’s bodyguard. Hogan continues repeating that it’s THE WALL, BROTHER so that everyone in the crowd who can’t see him way the shit up there in the distance knows who he’s yelling about. Amazing. This was awful television, but in a stupid way that delighted me. It’s so dumb, it was entertaining. Hey, don’t I have a list with a name to that effect?

 

• Tenay interviews Disco and the Mamalukes, ostensibly about their six-man tag against the Jung Dragons later tonight, but mostly about how the Mamalukes are upset that Disco still hasn’t gotten them their rematch for the tag titles. In a funny bit, Vito called the Harris Bros. “fugazi,” and we cut to the dressing room of the Harrises, who get mad about the promo and leave to kick the Mamalukes’s asses. The funny bit is one Harris Bro mumbling, “I don’t even know what fu-gat-zi is.” Yes, he did pronounce “fugazi” like “neo-Nazi.” I swear he did! You can pull this segment up on Peacock and listen for yourself!

 

• The Jung Dragons come to the ring to Three Count’s theme and with Three Count’s dance circles, then prepare to do a mocking dance routine. How do you mock Three Count’s dance routine, exactly? It’s already a mockery by its very nature. Anyway, we see a package with highlights of the Thunder match between the Dragons and Three Count, so we miss the dance and cut back just in time to see Disco and the Mamalukes jump the Dragons from behind. The Mamalukes control, which I protest. I don’t want to see Vito hitting offense on Jamie Noble. Noble does get boots up and land a quick missile dropkick on Vito, and then he quick tags Yang, who lands a floaty missile dropkick of his own. There’s another quick tag, and Kaz lands a crossbody from the top.

 

• Vito regains control and tags the Bull, but Kaz evades him and tags in Noble, who the Bull catches and plans with a side slam. He shoots Noble in, who finagles a headscissors, but runs himself into a Bull press slam from the ring to the floor. Yang jumps in, but gets press slammed into the air for a two count that Kaz breaks up with a boot to the head. Vito jumps in and he and the Bull combine on a powerslam/Savage Elbow combo to Kaz. Noble re-enters the ring the hard way and then Vito lands a running vertical suplex before the Bull leaps from the mat to the top rope, manages not to fall, and hits a guillotine legdrop.

 

• Disco hasn’t been in the ring the whole match, and he begs for a tag now. Vito and the Bull tag Disco in with a pair of two-handed slaps, and Disco enters the ring. This is when the Harrises run down and attack Vito and the Bull, leaving Disco to get triple-teamed into oblivion. Kaz lands a DDT, followed by Noble and Yang going up top on the same side and diving off at the same time for a splash/guillotine legdrop combo that gets three. The Harrises jump in and attack the Dragons after the match, hitting a double H-Bomb on Yang and Noble before tossing Kaz over the top rope and to the floor.

 

• By the way, I had the audio on mute for maybe half the match, typing furiously to keep up with the action, unable to un-mute it after doing so to play Three Count’s proper theme. When I finally took a half-second to un-mute, I was treated to Tony S. babbling about the prospects of Russo and Bischoff working together. Great way to treat the first match that Nitro has placed on the Good Matches for a YouTube Playlist list all year!  

 

• Tony S. and Mark Madden are STILL going on about two creative failures coming back to be creative failures together. Madden literally talks about their different views on how to “use” Hulk Hogan. The commentary for tonight’s show has made the Absolute Dirt Worst list, and when you think about how bad the commentary has been on Nitro for essentially most of its run, it’s really something that it took this long for me to single it out on that list.

 

• Anyway, they will NOT. SHUT. THE FUCK. UP. About Russo and Bischoff as Ric Flair and The Total Package (w/Liz)come to the ring. Vampiro and Sting don’t even wait to make their proper entrances and instead rush the ring while Package poses; they have an actual babyface shine segment in a tag match, which I didn’t know we were still allowed to have here in WCW. Sting marches Package up the ramp to continue his assault while Vamp punches Flair in the ring. Sting tosses Package into the beach chairs by the resort’s pool. We cut back and forth between the ring and the pool. Sting backdrops Package into the pool; Sting tries to next deposit Liz into the pool (C’MERE, LIZZY). Package pursues Sting and shoves a waiter into the pool.

 

• Meanwhile, Vampiro gets two on a sunset flip in the ring, and look, this flipping back and forth is a bit much, though I do think Sting and Package are being very entertaining. Liz tosses a bowl of tortilla chips at Sting, but Sting endures and manages to bash a bowl of dip into Package’s face. They do a semi-comedy version of a wandering brawl out to the beach that actually is kinda crazy in some ways. Sting grabs an inner tube and hooks it around Package’s neck, dragging him along, but Liz cracks Sting in the head with a plastic bottle, and Package tosses Sting into a surfboard, then picks another surfboard up and beats him with it.

 

• Who cares about Vampiro and Flair in the ring? Stop cutting back there. I want to see what Sting and Package do next. Ah, what they do next is Sting backdropping Package into the ocean, then piledriving him on the beach for three. The Sting/TTP part of this was actually incredibly fun! Sting keeps beating up Package and drills him with a clothesline into the ocean after the match. I think this went beyond merely charming and was totally enjoyable, and luckily, production generally stayed with Sting and Package and didn’t cut away too often for the nothing Vamp/Flair match that happened in the ring. I guess the nice thing is that a) they finally did a proper Tornado Tag, and b) they left two wrestlers in the ring to entertain the audience at ringside while they had Sting and Package do the really fun stuff for the viewers at home. Is this two matches in two that I’d put on a YouTube playlist? On Nitro? In early 2000?!

 

• There is something about the magic of these Spring Breakout shows that produces at least one or two fun matches and moments, even when WCW is terrible like they have been in 1999 and 2000.

 

• Pre-tape: Someone asks Booker T. how he feels about Bischoff and Russo coming back; Booker is unimpressed with the prospect.

 

• As I put the previous match on my list, I discovered a little factoid that I’ll save for when I present the updated lists once I’m through 2000. Suffice it to say that I think I’ve scientifically determined the worst month in WCW history.

 

• Pre-tape: Look at all the shirtless beach kids and pro wrestlers promote *checks notes* Tinactin. WCW couldn’t get a brand other than the athlete’s foot treatment folks for their Spring Breakout event?

 

• Gene Okerlund interviews Terry Funk; after asserting that these two old dudes are nowhere more at home than hanging out with young people in South Padre, Funk says that he plans to get back at Dustin Rhodes at some point. Tonight, though, Funk is focused on his opponent Hugh Morrus. The Funker doesn’t give any fucks, man, he cuts a promo that screams, I’m just here to get paid.

 

• THA MONSTA MENG is finally going at it with Tank Abbott wrestling La Parka. Tony S. desperately wants to talk about Russo and Bischoff some more. Parka does his fucking dubbed-over gimmick. It sucks. Tony S. tries to get over the mystery of who is behind the dub. I assure you that no one cares, Schiavone. There’s a ref bump. Parka hits Meng in the head with a chair, dances, and tries to swing again, but is cut off by a TDG that gets three. Tank Abbott walks out to ringside to yell at Meng, but he’s immediately jumped by Fit Finlay.

 

• The Kid Cam catches the end of that previous interaction between Scotty Steiner and the (possibly nWo) ladies. As Steiner is led away by Jarrett and the Harrises, Buff Bagwell walks up and manages to pick up on the ladies, but unfortunately, he insults the nWo while doing it. The nWo watches this on a monitor in their locker room, and Scott Steiner looks peeved.

 

• Pre-tape: Fit Finlay is encouraged by the Bischoff-Russo alliance that three percent of the WCW audience even knows anything about.

 

• I guess I see why twiztor thinks that Jimmy Hart had a hand in THE WALL, BROTHER’s booking; we built this guy for months to feed him to Hulk Hogan on a random fucking Nitro?! My only reservation regarding this point of view is that it seems like something Sullivan and Dillon would have done without needing much convincing on the part of Jimmy Hart.

 

• Hugh Morrus wrestles Terry Funk; beating Funk means nothing at this point. Morrus grabs Penzer’s mic and cuts a joke, if you can call it that? WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD? HAVE YOU EVER SEEN WHAT TERRY FUNK DOES WITH A CHICKEN? I think the second line is supposed to be a punchline? I don’t know anymore. Tony S. updates us on the Russo-Bischoff Grand Alliance by telling everyone that Nitro is canceled next week and will be replaced with a “Best Of Nitro” show; the same goes for Thunder.

 

• Tony S. continues to ignore the match to tell us that the Bischoff and Russo Dream Duumvirate will bring Nitro and Thunder back during the week of April 10^th, all sorted and ready to soar to new heights that will surely bring WWF crumbling down. Oh, you want to know what’s happening in the match? OK, Morrus misses a Savage Elbow and Funk rolls to the floor, then off the floor and to the sand, where Morrus gives him a sick powerbomb. It was quite high-angled, goddam! Morrus dumps Funk back in the ring, and he follows up by doing something that doesn't matter to Tony S., who is celebrating the fact that Bischoff and Russo’s Dynamic Duo are working now to sort things out together and raise WCW to new heights. OK, Schiavone is back to calling the match, and Morrus has clotheslined Funk to the mats outside the ring, but he misses a Cactus Elbow.

 

• Funk crawls to a chair, grabs it, and drills Morrus in the dome with it, unprotected. Dustin Rhodes runs down, and Funk catches him with a chair shot to the head. That allows Morrus to jump Funk from behind, put him back in the ring, slam him, and hit a No Laughing Matter for one, two, and Rhodes clocks Morrus with the chair, clocks Funk with the chair, and clocks the ref with the chair. Morrus, irate, attacks Rhodes, but gets, uh, atomic slammed? Funk gets back up and brawls up the ramp with Rhodes. A bummed out Morrus hits ref Mickey Jay with a No Laughing Matter just because. Well, we couldn’t keep up the run of fun matches forever.

 

• Whew, thank God! I hadn’t heard from Hulk Hogan in damn near an hour! That’s way too much time not to hear from the legendary Hulkster! Hogan cuts a pointless promo with Gene Okerlund on the beach. Hogan does say his arms are bigger than Scott Steiner’s and puts over Vampiro. Hey, does Scotty Steiner ever directly feud with the Hulkster, or does that get erased by the big reboot?

 

• Jeff Jarrett and Scott Steiner (w/Midajah, Kim, and Tylene) enter the ring; Steiner grabs the mic and propositions every woman in the crowd. Jarrett just looks so second-rate next to Steiner hitting his catchphrases and being crude. We cut backstage, where Curt Hennig bitches at Buff Bagwell for pissing off that lunatic Steiner; Buff just cackles in response.

 

• Pre-tape: TAFKAPI speaks! He says that Russo and Bischoff returning “sucks” and that they’re going to destroy what’s left of the company. DING DING DING, WE HAVE A WINNER; ROD RODDY, TELL HIM WHAT HE’S WON! Aw, now the guy pauses and then says that “the boys” dared him to say that before kissing some Russo-Bischoff ass. Sorry, TAFKAPI; you don’t win the Showcase Showdown. It’s a shame because that trip to Tahiti and new Toyota Camry would have been an awfully nice prize.

 

• Pre-tape: OK, Tracfone seems like a better sponsor to pair with video of fun-loving young adults in 2000.

 

• Curt Hennig and Buff Bagwell finally walk the ramp for this tag match against Scott Steiner and Jeff Jarrett. Hennig’s dumb ass jumps in the ring and gets beaten down while Buff poses in the aisle and admires his pyro. He finally makes it into the ring and helps Hennig clear it of the heels. Jarrett jumps in and punches Buff, which settles the match down. They have a perfectly acceptable sequence in which Buff turns things around, lands a dropkick on Jarrett, and dances. Hennig tags in next and controls; he even knocks Steiner off the apron besides.

 

• That does backfire on him when Jarrett lands a strike and tags in an enraged Scotty. Then again, Hennig keeps up his energy and controls Steiner enough to make another tag. Buff loses control of the match when Steiner manages to shoot him into the ropes and Jarrett sticks a knee in his back, followed by a Steiner suplex. Buff settles into the FIP role. There’s a hot tag that doesn’t feel very hot after a couple of minutes, and Hennig beats up the nWo members. Buff reenters the ring and attacks Jarrett while Hennig punches Steiner.

 

• Buff lands a Blockbuster on Jarrett; the ladies hop on the apron. Ref Nick Patrick bails to the floor for some reason after Steiner knocks Buff over the top rope. Kim comforts a downed Buff while Jarrett and Steiner combine on a KABONG/Steiner Recliner finish to win it. Why did Patrick hop out of the ring in kayfabe? I know that he needed to miss the KABONGing, but I didn’t see what sorry excuse for a distraction he tried to sell. He wasn’t with Kim and Buff at ringside.

 

• Pre-tape: Vito says some stuff about Bischoff and Russo being the greatest creative team of this, or any, time.  

 

• Main event time. Nothing matters but the finish, so here it is: Hogan gets right up from a chokeslam and drops a leg on THE WALL, BROTHER. TW,B stands right up after the legdrop. All this for THE WALL, BROTHER? Vampiro suddenly runs in an attacks TW,B for a DQ, I guess? Vamp and Hogan knock THE WALL, BROTHER off the apron and through a table set up at ringside, but TW,B no sells it, and Tony S. has the utter audacity to drop a “feels no pain, fears no man.” If you EVER compare THE WALL, BROTHER to Vader again, you son of a pair of donkeys, I don’t know what I’ll do.

 

• This show was weird. Besides having what might be the worst PBP performance in the history of pro wrestling and asking wrestlers what they think about two guys in executive positions throughout the night, it had some fun stuff! Also some very bad stuff. It probably would have scored a positive number of Stinger Splashes had it ended after Sting beat up Package on the beach. Alas. -20 out of 5 Stinger Splashes.

[caley]

On 10/12/2024 at 4:43 PM, SirSmUgly said:

Brian Knobbs dumps the Dog and drives off…The Dog howls at the moon…I think you know which list this is going to hit…

THIS is the Simpsons reference that cracked me up. Or maybe just a Simpsons coincidence... But I remember watching it with my brother and saying they should drive him to the country like the Be-Sharps getting rid of Chief Wiggum, and then he even did the howl! I mean, upon rewatching it, it's hard not to see the sadness in The Dog's eyes as he pretends to drink out of the toilet in a "Is screentime really worth THIS?!" kind of way. But, actual reference to Simpsons or not, it still makes me chuckle. 

 

On 10/12/2024 at 4:43 PM, SirSmUgly said:

Excess wrestles Los Fabulosos

So Lenny and Lodi became homosexuals, who became brothers, who became Standards and Practices (Is this where Lodi became Idol), who became To Excess (Too Excess?), Idol went back to Lodi, and then they became Excess. Too bad they never became good...hahahah

On 10/12/2024 at 4:43 PM, SirSmUgly said:

Disco Inferno orders a pizza under Vito’s name, but Vito and Johnny the Bull storm into the dressing room and demand that he order fewer pizzas and order more tag title rematches, then say that they got Disco a match against Vampiro, which they hope he enjoys alone because they have dates to go on…

This reads like someone running a wrestling...skit (?) through an AI program with the keyword "Italian" and the program went "Italians? Pizza! And bragging about dates!" Truthfully...that's PRETTY accurate.

 

On 10/12/2024 at 4:43 PM, SirSmUgly said:

The KidCam catches a different shot of Buff Bagwell finishing his pre-tape from earlier in the show...It keeps rolling, and we see Buff shooting his shot at, and getting his shot turned back by, the production lady immediately after…She rejected his shot like she was Dikembe Mutombo (RIP)…All that was missing was a finger wag…

Man...someone backstage REALLY hated Buff

[SirSmUgly]

7 minutes ago, caley said:

THIS is the Simpsons reference that cracked me up. Or maybe just a Simpsons coincidence... But I remember watching it with my brother and saying they should drive him to the country like the Be-Sharps getting rid of Chief Wiggum, and then he even did the howl! I mean, upon rewatching it, it's hard not to see the sadness in The Dog's eyes as he pretends to drink out of the toilet in a "Is screentime really worth THIS?!" kind of way. But, actual reference to Simpsons or not, it still makes me chuckle. 

Ah, the Be Sharps dumping Wiggum for Apu! I didn't make that connection until you wrote this here. Good pull. 

Quote

So Lenny and Lodi became homosexuals, who became brothers, who became Standards and Practices (Is this where Lodi became Idol), who became To Excess (Too Excess?), Idol went back to Lodi, and then they became Excess. Too bad they never became good...hahahah

Lodi actually became Idol and now is Rave. 

But he'll always be Lodi to me...that dingus.

Quote

Man...someone backstage REALLY hated Buff

After being a pain in the ass backstage post-Piper feud, he deserves this booking. 

Edited October 14 by SirSmUgly

[zendragon]

Memeber when Vito had the cross dressing gimmick on SD! and ended up in playgirl?

[SirSmUgly]

4 hours ago, zendragon said:

Memeber when Vito had the cross dressing gimmick on SD! and ended up in playgirl?

I remember the first half of that sentence. 

 

[caley]

10 minutes ago, SirSmUgly said:

I remember the first half of that sentence. 

 

Same! I do not recall the second part nor do I want to Google it

[SirSmUgly]

Thunder Interlude – show number one hundred and five – 29 March 2000

"The WCW Gang wants to know: What are YOUR thoughts on the returns of Eric Bischoff and Vince Russo?"

 

• Thunder rolls on NEXT…

 

• Nothing on this show matters, so I hope in true WCW fashion, we get at least one title change…[Editor's Note: Not quite, but for a second, I thought that we just might!]...

 

• Tenay yammers on about Eric Bischoff and Vince “Powers that Be” Russo while Chris Candido makes his way to the ring to wrestle Chavo Guerrero Jr. in a lukewarm cruiserweight opener…Thanks, Tenay, for understanding that most WCW fans are not following the executive shuffle in WCW on the internet and telling everyone who Vince Russo actually was when he was last on WCW television…

 

• Candido opens with a few forearms, but Chavo throws a few strikes right back…Thy run the ropes, and Chavo scores a headscissors and a body slam, but gets hooked from behind and hit with a Northern Lights and a bridge for two after missing a wild elbow and flipping himself around…Oh no, there’s already a ref bump?...Chavo shoves Candido into Charles Robinson accidentally…Bummer, this started out with promise…TAFKAPI immediately hits the scene and attacks Candido…Mike Modest runs in and jumps Chavo…Modest finagles his running cradle piledriver as Candido dispatches of TAFKAPI…Candido goes up and lands a diving headbutt for three in this disappointing and entirely-too-short match…All four men go at it after the bell…

 

• We get one announced match when Tenay and Heenan greet us at the desk: Jeff Jarrett vs. Booker T. for the United States Championship…I’m not even gonna say the line that I always say whenever a certain person gets a certain type of title shot…

 

• Recap: Nitro on South Padre Island…

 

• Pre-tape: Dustin is sitting on a cast-iron horse and has a one-sided conversation with it about Bischoff and Russo's return…

 

• Pre-tape: Kidman is looking forward to Russo elevating young talent (hint, hint) and is wary of Bischoff continuing to keep old talent elevated…Oh, Billy Billy Billy, if only you knew what was in store for you…

 

• Highlight package: WCW wrestlers partook in a charity basketball game with some Tampa Bay Bucs and a couple of Backstreet Boys (or “Dead-End Kids,” as Heenan misnames them)…

 

• Hacksaw Jim Duggan defends the WCW Television Title against Barbarian in 1988 JCP…Oops, no, I meant “in 2000 WCW"...Sorry to make you think that this might not suck for a second there…Tenay announces Vampiro vs. THE WALL, BROTHER as another upcoming match on tonight’s Thunder…Anyway, this Duggan match is what it is…Why is he still a janitor?...Russo gave that job to him, but he’s been gone for weeks now…Obligabrawl…Back in the ring, Barb locks on a bearhug, if you wondered how this was going…Why is this match longer than Candido/Chavo?...Your priorities are all wrong, Thunder…Duggan eventually hits an Old Glory kneedrop for three…

 

• Pre-tape: Torrie Wilson doesn’t have her foundation on yet…I bet some dudes watching this reacted the same way some dudes reacted to Aloy having microhair on her face…

 

• Pre-tape: Norman Smiley feels good about both Bisch and Russo coming back since Bisch originally hired him and Russo “got behind the ‘Screamin’ Norman character”…I am stunned that they’re having guys do these pre-tapes as shoots…This would be a bad idea now, when pro wrestling in America is a much smaller group of more diehard fans who are all online…But this is 2000…These pre-tapes had to be utterly baffling for most fans, right?...

 

• The Cat (w/Mr. Jones) makes his way down the aisle…He enters the ring and cuts a rug…I don’t think the Robot really fits with your soul-focused dancing approach, Cat…The Cat tells the crowd that he did not show up tonight to fight, but to dance…He complains about having to wrestle Dustin Rhodes, who is from the same state that this show is being held in right now…Dustin enters the ring, just waiting for the Cat to get out of pocket…So, the Cat is trying to pretend that he respects the crowd…He already almost called them “rat [bastards]” before stopping himself…Now, he says that Texas loves both he and Dustin, then suddenly gets irate at some guy in the crowd and yells SIT YOUR FAT ASS DOWN before remembering himself and apologizing…The Cat consistently gets at least one or two good laughs out of me every time he’s on screen…

 

• Anyway, the Cat pawns this match off on his “backup dancer” Mr. Jones…Jones misses a briefcase shot and gets destroyed…Dustin hits a bulldog and an atomic slam, and the Cat gets on the apron to sass Dustin…Terry Funk slides in the ring with a chair, and the Cat swears that he’s not attempting a ruse when he tells Dustin to look behind him…Rhodes finally does and eats a chair to the head, then another, both sandwiched around a chair shot to Mr. Jones…We didn’t have a match, honestly…It was a segment masquerading as a match…Wait, the Cat is still out here and goes right back to dancing after Funk and Rhodes leave…Mr. Jones woozily puts the cape on the Cat, and when the Cat bursts out of it, the beaten-up Jones takes a vigorous back bump in another spot that got me laughing…

 

• Y’know, as much as I enjoyed it, this comedy segment stuff would come off a lot better if they had quality wrestling matches littered around it…

 

• Pre-tape: Why are we asking Tank Abbott about Russo and Bischoff?...Though his response is actually telligible (still establishing that word as legitimate English vocabular in these reviews, dammit!)…

 

• Pre-tape: Hennig. Bischoff. Russo. Why the hell is Hennig in a Philadelphia Eagles cap?!

 

• Three Count is in the ring…Shannon Moore shouts out the ladies and gets a squee…They do their routine without their circles, which have been stolen by the Jung Dragons if you'll recall…Ms. Hancock interrupts their dance…She thinks Three Count is nowhere near as hot as Los Mighty Morphins Fabulosos…Karagias hits on Hancock while Helms and Moore wrestle the match…Moore gets his ass kicked by a persistent double-team wave of attacks from Los Fabs…Moore is able to get a boot to the chest in on a boost into the air and then hits a somersault plancha to Dandy outside the ring while Helms lands a frog splash and then ranas Silver King to ringside…Karagias is too distracted by Hancock to help Helms attack King…Dandy rolls up Moore in the ring for a quick three…This is another match that was entirely too short and overfilled with gaga…Bummer…

 

• Pre-tape: Chavo talks about two of the three true stars of the show, Russo and Bischoff (the third true star is the Hulkster, obvs)…

 

• Pre-tape: The Cat thinks Eric Bischoff rules, and between that and Russo’s love of characters, he’s looking to be on television a lot more…Astute analysis of your future television use, Cat!...

 

• Disco and the Mamalukes hit the ring…Disco takes Penzer’s mic to gab for a bit…He gabs about how awesome he is as a wrestler and a manager and then tells Vito and the Bull that if they beat Harlem Heat Incorporated tonight, they get the next tag title shot..The mobsters are unimpressed...Hahaha, so Vito grabs the mic, lectures Penzer that they’re the Paisans and not the Mamalukes, and then asks the crowd three times what they are…It’s 45/55 Paisans to Mamalukes as far as this crowd is concerned…Then, they tell Disco that they’re managing him tonight in the match they arranged for him against Tank Abbott…Disco considers his options, thinks about trying to pay Abbott off, and then faints..Abbott doesn’t buy it and ends up steamrolling ol’ Disco and knocking him out…I miss fiery babyface TV Champ Disco...

 

• Pre-tape: A Harris Bro offers his dumbass thoughts on Russo’s return (“take a 1975-style booking [strategy] and bring it into 2000”)…What?...

 

• Pre-tape: J. Biggs is a lawyer for certain because he crafts a well-formed response to the question about two guys who are being presented as the people who book this show, which breaks kayfabe entirely, and I know that you know that, but fucking hell, this is so dumb…

 

• Jeff Jarrett (w/Midajah, Kim, and Tylene) defends his United States title against Booker T….Jarrett is allowed to talk before the match, unfortunately, but he doesn’t spend a lot of time gabbing…He just insults the looks of the ladies in the crowd…Anyway, I think it would be hilarious if Booker won the U.S. Championship only to get stripped of it on the very next Nitro...As Tenay says that Booker is originally from Harlem, but he’s been living in Houston for many years (you don't say?!), Booker throws a kick that Jarrett bumps off of so early that Booker is still rising to land the kick when Jarrett tosses himself to the mat on a back bump…The Harris Bros. attack Booker on the floor after yanking him outside of the ring on a rope run…Jarrett gets two off the cover when the Harrises roll him back in the ring…

 

• Jarrett gets another two count, then goes to a rope-assisted choke before missing a sit-out splash…The Harris Bros. intervene again to kill a potential Booker comeback…Jarrett locks on a sleeper…Booker finally makes a comeback while dodging a Jarrett leapover…Booker rushes Jarrett in the other corner, slides under the bottom rope, and crotches him…Booker lands a missile dropkick and Spinaroonies up…As he does that, Jarrett rolls outside and grabs the title…He lands a title shot while the ref is distracted by the nWo outside the ring…That gets 2.9…Jarrett tries a Figure Four, but Book kicks him away and right into the ref…A Harris Bro hands Jarrett a guitar for a KABONGing, but Jarrett leaps off the second rope and into a Book End…That gets two before a Harris Bro yanks Charles Robinson from the ring to spark a DQ…The Harris Bros. try to H-Bomb Booker, but he rotates out of it and dropkicks them away…Well, this is much better booking for the guy, at least…

 

• Pre-tape: Stacy Keibler has successfully answered tricky questions from the judges in a pageant competition before because she crafts a well-formed response to the question about two guys who are being presented as the people who book this show, which breaks kayfabe entirely, and I know that you know that I know that you know that, but sweet fucking hell, this is so dumb…

 

• Pre-tape: Hacksaw bitches about Bischoff thinking that he’s worthless and burnt out for being over forty and that Russo booked him as a fucking janitor, but he’s over, dammit, treat him better!

 

• Harlem Heat Incorporated (w/Cash and J. Biggs) face the Mamalukes in a number one contendership match for the tag titles…I think the last time I enjoyed the tag champs were when David Flair and Crowbar had them, honestly…They’re about the only champs that I remember fondly – or at all - from the last few months…Do you remember that Bret Hart and Goldberg won the tag championships on Thunder a few months ago?...Back on show number ninety?...It feels like it might have been years since that happened…

 

• Oh, yeah, this match…It’s dullsville…The Bull tosses in a whiff on a springboard crossbody attempt and plays wrestler-in-peril…Big T. is calling his attacks like he’s in Mortal Kombat…GET OVER HERE *hits a spinebuster after the Bull rebounds off the ropes and runs toward him*…The Bull is able to duck a lariat and land a spinning front kick, then get a hot tag to Vito…Tenay hypes THE WALL, BROTHER vs. Vampiro while the hot tag, and then the match, break down…Tenay calls TW,B versus Vamp a battle between men who are the future of WCW…That’s one bleak-ass future…Cash posts the Bull outside the ring…Cash gets in the ring as HHI stomps Vito out…HHI gets DQ’d…Ref Nick Patrick is a kayfabe dolt…Just feed him a little misdirection and you can do whatever you want…Poor attempt at misdirection from HHI…

 

• Pre-tape: Vampiro gives a hopeful opinion on Russo and Bischoff, noting that Terry Taylor and Ed Ferrara will be on the booking committee with them...He thinks that team has potential…

 

• Pre-tape: Shannon Moore offers his thoughts after being pulled away from a pay phone…The Cat was also pulled away from a pay phone before his thoughts…Moore is mathematically challenged because I think I heard him say the ratings improved during Russo’s run…

 

• Billy Kidman (w/Torrie Wilson) wrestles Ron Harris (w/Don Harris), and it’s wild to me that the Harris Bros., the FUCKING HARRIS BROS., are all over this show…Nothing says “dying days promotion” like the Harris Bros. getting multiple segments and run-ins on all of your shows...If I didn't know any better, I'd swear that Ron and Don spent time feuding with Milkman Milliman in a pink-walled studio back in the very early '90s…Kidman tries to use his speed and agility to confuse his slow, tall, dumb opponent…It works for a bit until Ronnie lands a big boot…Kidman manages a headscissors, so Don pulls down the ropes as Kidman runs them and spills Kidman to ringside, just as they did to Booker a couple of matches ago…Kidman makes one more comeback, but these fellas just don’t work well together…Kidman tries a crossbody, but Ron’s positioning makes it look like a sloppy shoulderblock…Don jumps in and simply spoils the match, drawing a DQ…The Harrises manage to land an H-Bomb on Kidman, unlike with Booker…

 

• Pre-tape: Shane Helms says some stuff about the two guys who are more important than any other two guys in WCW: Adrian Byrd and Bobby Blaze...

 

• (You didn't believe that last part of the previous sentence, did you?...)

 

• Pre-tape: Johnny the Bull is supposed to be a New Yorker, but he’s wearing a Pistons jersey?! LIVE YOUR GIMMICK, DAMMIT…

 

• What the fuck, the fucking DOG is back?...Fucking WCW…I guess he managed to find his way to the arena one more time to lose a hardcore title match to Brian Knobbs…Y’know, this big WCW reset button is going to wipe out some shitty champions when it gets pushed…Sid was the one good champ, but he was just going to lose the big gold to Hogan, so him giving it up is fine…Jarrett absolutely does not need the U.S. Championship, so that’s going to be good…The Harris Bros. and Brian Knobbs fucking suck…TAFKAPI stinks…So does Hacksaw’s sorry ass, and I’d say that if he were under forty, so I’m not being ageist…Strip all these dudes of their gold, dammit!...This match is bad…And it’s also too long!...It’s a long, ponderous Knobbs squash…What the hell, man, book the good matches longer and the bad ones shorter, you idiots…The Dog gets his first move in after twenty years, hits some soft offense, and bites Knobbs’s temple…Alas, he gets tossed into a leaning table in the corner, takes a chair shot, and is drilled with a diving trash can shot for three…

 

• Pre-tape: Buff notes that he’s had a lot of unsuccessful creative bosses in his WCW career, but Bisch was the first one to actually do anything financially successful with WCW…Then again, after that astute point, he presumes that Bisch coming back will lead to younger talent getting pushed in front of older talent, so you know, we all have our blind spots…

 

• Pre-tape: Brian Knobbs just wants to make some fucking money, so ask him if the Bischoff-Russo Unholy Alliance is worthwhile a month after they return…I mean, I respect the tenor of the response…

 

• As Buff Bagwell walks to the ring, I want to offer that his career, after what at the time seemed like a defining victory in some ways (over Piper at BatB ’99), went into the toilet in the quickest plummet for a pro wrestler in a major company in the 1990s...Barring injury or criminal activity, of course…He deserved to plummet down the card though…He sucks…Buff reinvigorates his rivalry with La Parka tonight…Speaking of things that suck, Parka cuts a dubbed promo…He stops talking, but the guy doing the dub keeps talking…Parka pulls out a sign that says I’M SORRY on the front and I’M NOT REALLY SAYING THIS on the back and shows it to the crowd…So, is this meant to be, like, comedic, or what?...

 

• Buff actually hugs the dude as Parka offers an apology and Parka punches him…What a dick…Parka’s body language is amazing, by the way…It’s the only thing saving this whole segment from hitting a certain unfortunate list of segments…The thing about Buff is that none of his offense looks any good outside of his dropkick…That double-arm DDT looks so loose…They trade control back and forth during the end run…Some lady audibly yells DON’T HURT BUFF, and on cue, Parka fucks up a split-legged moonsault and narrowly avoids killing the poor bastard…Parka misses a corkscrew moonsault after that and allows Buff to come back and, feeling penitent, Parka takes an absurd bump off a simple back elbow…Bagwell follows up with a Blockbuster for three…

 

• Pre-tape: Ric Flair wants – no, needs -  ten minutes on Nitro to explain exactly how he feels about both Bischoff and Russo, not a little ten second blip on Thunder…Then he tells the production person who asked the question off camera to call his lawyer…Yeah, that was the best one of these pre-tapes, obviously…

 

• There are just under five minutes in this show when Vampiro steps onto the ramp for this main event that, somehow, I don’t think is going to be any good…Then again, giving these fellas twenty minutes wouldn’t make it good, so maybe I shouldn’t complain about the shortness of the main event…THE WALL, BROTHER storms out even before they Vamp's music stops playing…TW,B brings a chair and gets it kicked back into his face…Let me give TW,B some love for Alley-Ooping Vamp and hanging him over the top rope…That move was cool…

 

• WCW production keeps sweetening this audio, but the crowd is mostly stony silent on camera whenever they do it…I’m baffled by Vampiro and TW,B being promoted as the future of the company when Booker T. and Scotty Steiner are right there…Whatever…The finish is TW,B setting up a table and then slowly climbing onto the apron, where a revived Vamp hits him in the head with a chair…TW,B plummets through the table, sparking a DQ…TW,B gets back up and they punch each other to cavernous silence…Even post-production couldn’t do much to make this look like a hot feud…

 

• Hey, SmUgly, what are your thoughts on Vince Russo and Eric Bischoff returning to WCW?... Well, it gets us one step closer to Booker T. and Scott Steiner dominating the big gold and Chavo Jr. getting a fucking push already, FUCK ME, this company is almost dead and he still hasn’t been pushed properly coming off the Eddy feud in 1998 that cemented him as an over wrestler with the WCW audience…Uh, anyway, those two idiots Russo and Bischoff stink and will produce bad creative, but again, Booker, Steiner, Chavo, and hell, let’s throw Team Canada and Sugar Shane Helms, heroic cruiserweight babyface in there, are all going to be worth it…Oh, and also, no more Hulk Hogan, eventually…That will also be more than worth it…OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW THAT WAS PAINFUL, I THINK THIS SHOW'S AWFULNESS MIGHT HAVE LACERATED AND/OR RUPTURED MY SPLEEN…

[caley]

47 minutes ago, SirSmUgly said:

Highlight package: WCW wrestlers partook in a charity basketball game with some Tampa Bay Bucs and a couple of Backstreet Boys (or “Dead-End Kids,” as Heenan misnames them)…

One year, my sister's boyfriend/future husband's family and her best friend's family were both out of town, so my mom invited them all to Thanksgiving dinner and I said "What is this the Dead End Kids Thanksgiving?" in mock anger and it made my mom laugh really hard, despite me having no idea who the Dead End Kids even were.  Last year I tried to watch a movie with the Dead End Kids and it was dreadful, I think I made it 20 minutes before tapping out. Considering the last Dead End Kids show seemed to be in 1945...Heenan's reference is only about 55 years out of date at this point. It's still kinda funny, though.

 

53 minutes ago, SirSmUgly said:

Why is he still a janitor?

I mean, no one cared at this point, but it would have been really funny if Duggan showed up to Thunder and someone said to him "You know the Powers that Be left months ago, you don't have to be the janitor anymore...well at least for two weeks...cuz Russo is coming back." I don't remember how long Duggan stays around but there's a surprisingly fun little angle with him coming up at one point (No, not Team Canada).

 

58 minutes ago, SirSmUgly said:

The Cat thinks Eric Bischoff rules, and between that and Russo’s love of characters, he’s looking to be on television a lot more

God I HATED all talk about characters and scripts and creative. Still do. There is WAY too much "Is this going off script?" stuff anytime Russo is involved. Imagine if one night on Game of Thrones, they asked Sean Bean (I didn't watch the show and he's the only name I know off the top of my head!) about the new show-runners and he spoke to the camera "Well, the new guys really like characters so that'll be good for me!"

 

1 hour ago, SirSmUgly said:

Hacksaw bitches about Bischoff thinking that he’s worthless and burnt out for being over forty

I, uh, don't think your age is the defining trait here if you look at the guys Bischoff pushes, Hacksaw.

 

1 hour ago, SirSmUgly said:

t’s wild to me that the Harris Bros., the FUCKING HARRIS BROS., are all over this show…Nothing says “dying days promotion” like the Harris Bros. getting multiple segments and run-ins on all of your shows.

So i was trying to figure out how much Harrises you have left (Falsely remembering them not being around during the Bischoff/Russo era, but Wikipedia says they stick around to the end of WCW!) but then I found these two AMAZING nuggets:

"In 2002, the brothers appeared on a TNA PPV wearing shirts with the Nazi SS symbol.[16] They also displayed their SS tattoos (which were later covered up).[17] TNA apologized for the incident after the PPV.[18] In 2018, the CEO of Aroluxe denied the brothers had Nazi ties, claiming the shirts were worn because they were in character as bikers.[16]"

OHHHHH they wore the shirts because they were in character as bikers...they're so committed to their character work that they even got SS tattoos! I've had them all wrong all these years!

AND

"In the same year, Ron Harris retired from professional wrestling and began working for the Christian music record label Beach Street Records."
 

Hmm, Ron Harris...Christian Music guru. There's a joke in there, somewhere, but I'm staying away from it.

[zendragon]

Some of the talent being featured is really head scratching...

You know what though? tear down every statute of Christopher Columbus and replace it with one of Glenn Gillbertti! A real Italian-American Icon!

[SirSmUgly]

Show #234 – 3 April 2000

“The one that prepares a big reboot by playing the greatest hits from 1996”

• Tony S. and Mark Madden look back at when Nitro was good in the hopes that they, and Bischsso – or Ruschoff, that one is probably better - can learn what to do and what not to do in the future as they save the company. And by “save,” I mean “tank the rest of the way so that there won’t be an April 2001 Nitro run by WCW at all,” of course.

 

• I’ll tell you if anything good happens as this plays in the background while I work.

 

• I haven’t been updating these “Champs of 2000 WCW” lists lately, but since we’re about to get ALL NEW CHAMPS, here we go:

 

• WCW World Heavyweight Championship title change count: 6 (Hitman > VACANT > Benoit > VACANT > Sid > Nash > Sid)

 

• WCW United States Championship title change count: 2 (Jarrett > VACANT > Jarrett)

 

• WCW World Tag Team Championship title change count: 3 (VACANT > David Flair and Crowbar > The Mamalukes > The Harris Bros)

 

• WCW World Cruiserweight Championship title change count: 3 (Madusa > Oklahoma > VACANT > TAFKAPI)

 

• Anyway, the Hulkster is the focus of this fucking thing to start, so that should tell you that WCW hasn’t learned a single heckin’ thing about what not to do.

 

• They sure do mention the WWF a whole lot. This is the flipside of all the Billionaire Ted-style desperation from 1996 WWF, but a lot less shamefully tawdry. It’s just so focused on the other company in a somewhat obsessive way.

 

• There is a lot of Bischoff hype about how brilliant he once was.

 

• Honestly, if you’re going to show a lot of stuff from the first Nitro, back when it was cutting edge, that doesn’t excite me on going back to 2000-era WCW next week.

 

• The other big problem about this recap of what used to be good about Nitro is that based on the video package, “what used to be good about Nitro” includes a bunch of guys who are now in the WWF like the Giant Big Show, Chris Benoit, Eddy Guerrero, and Chris Jericho.

 

• Hey, Madden is onto something with this “cruiserweights were a huge part of Nitro’s early success” thing. Too bad they don’t have access to almost any of these highlighted cruiserweights anymore. They still have Rey, at least! And Juvi until he has a bad reaction to some drugs in Australia!

 

• I would disagree with Tony S. that even after the first seven months of Nitro, RAW was “still in another league,” though Madden’s response that they were competitive in the ratings, but maybe still had a perception issue compared to the WWF is probably what Schiavone meant anyway.

 

• Is there another pro wrestling storyline besides the nWo storyline that has such a variance in highs and lows across the entire run of the storyline?

 

• OK, here’s a secondary problem with this thing; it’s nWo heavy, and I never want to see the nWo again at this point.

 

• They do a weird thing when introducing the nWo angle where Tony S. plays it as a shoot great angle, but Madden does a quasi-shootish thing where he agrees on the angle being great, except that he pretends that Nash jacked Bischoff’s back on purpose for real.

 

• Schiller saying, “Well, you may have a contract, but as of now, you are SUSPENDED” to Bischoff on Nitro was a work, but I still think someone should have filmed him saying that same sentence to Bischoff in his office as a shoot in September of 1999.

 

• Stop putting Bischoff’s on-screen character over. They did a whole-ass video package for Bischoff before doing one for Crow Sting.

 

• I’m sorry, but the amount of fans watching WCW who care about RATINGZZZZ is low. I bet it’s the same for modern WWE fans, for that matter, and the amount of wrestling fans is much more plugged in. The most plugged-in people are the loudest people, but confusing “largest group” and “loudest group” is a mistake. Probably only AEW fans are majority paying attention to stuff like TV ratings, etc. Could they be the first fandom where a majority of them care about the ratings? Maybe aughts TNA would be the first fandom to care that much about that stuff in a majority?

 

• The Giant squashing a trio of dudes that included Scott D’Amore and Lenny Lane truly is golden days WCW and the epitome of WCW-ass WCW shit (Show #100).

 

• I’m sure I said this when I wrote about this earlier: Goldberg got over in that first match against Hugh Morrus just by kicking out of the moonsault and then hitting a Jackhammer, the latter of which is an objectively awesome move.

 

• I notice that the term “sports entertainment” is used multiple times on this show – another battle that Vince McMahon has won.

 

• This Nitro: Years in Review program jumps on Vince Russo’s train of nonsense and claims that Russo is the guy who revitalized WWF’s programming. Then, these motherfuckers have the nerve to frame Bischoff’s problems as 1) a real issue only in late 1998 and 1999 and b) first and foremost due to Hulk Hogan’s MCL tear. FUCK OFF. And after that, they have the nerve to say that other wrestlers “claimed” to be hurt. Yeah, they show kayfabe injuries, but you know that shit was actually meant as shots fired. That was some worked shoot stuff. They mention Hall being an alcoholic and Bischoff/Flair’s bad relationship, but of course, they only show the kayfabe aspects of that stuff. This is such a weird blend of shoot and work.

 

• Madden: “Vince Russo, on WWF RAW on the USA Network…” Why are you promoting the other company?! I mean, it doesn’t functionally matter because anyone inclined to watch RAW has long since found it, and WCW fans who are diehards are going to simply give up on wrestling altogether when it goes away, but still!

 

• Madden: RAW got into the sevens in the ratings! That’s, um, very high if you don't know, but obviously most of you probably care about that stuff, right? Anyway, Russo got them there, but he got bored after reaching the top and decided that WCW was his next company to bring to the top. That’s a paraphrase, of course (it’s in italics), but these ideas he talks about form an amazing sort of commentary. This whole show is actually full of amazing commentary. I’m glad I ran it in the background as I worked. Now Madden is trying to get over Crash TV, and yes, he used that nomenclature.

 

• Russo highlights: KABONGs, ass and titties, and future WCW company carriers Vampiro and THE WALL, BROTHER. Some of that TW,B stuff is actually from the Sullivan/Dillon et al. era, which lets you know how thin the pickings are from the original RFE. There is no neo-nWo stuff at all in this package, notably.

 

• Midnight and Asya are highlighted for part of this thing, and at least one has been gone from the company for two months and the other hasn’t been on TV in that long (and I’m not sure if she’ll show up again when Russo returns).

 

• They pop in a few of those blips from the previous Thunder with wrestlers talking about Ruschoff coming back, and there's one that didn't air on Thursday with Disco complaining about management not getting any lights for his fucking entrance, then saying that he hopes the new management doesn't turn out like the old management before pointedly gazing at the rear end of the horse statue that Dustin stood next to for his blipment about this subject.

 

• Madden ends by saying this could be great, but it could also go up in complete flames. Yeah, that second one, buddy. That second one. 

 

• I resolved, unlike with the December 1999 Thunder cancelled by hurricane, to run this thing in the background, and I’m glad I did. This is a baffling program to show to your audience; so baffling, in fact, that it is proof that no one running this company has any idea who their core audience actually is. Fucking wild, man. No rating, obviously, but a curiosity worth watching just because it’s so strange. WCW in 2000 is out for fuckery even in its review episodes. Well, I’ll play the Thunder recap in the back too because why the hell not?

[SirSmUgly]

Thunder Interlude – show number one hundred and five – 5 April 2000

"The WCW Gang is still REBOOTING REBOOTING ERROR ERROR ERROR BRINGING RUSSO AND BISCHOFF BACK FATAL ERROR"

• Let’s see how this placeholder Thunder is run after that weird placeholder Nitro that did a whole worked-shoot review of Nitro’s history…

 

• Mike Tenay and Bobby Heenan are in the studio for this one, as they have been in the arena for Thunder these past few weeks…

 

• This seems like it may be less interesting than the Nitro thing…Tenay pitches it as mostly a “Best of Thunder” show with a bit of verbal fluffing of Bischoff’s genius…

 

• Heenan tells a seemingly kayfabe story about Thunder being created that doesn’t match with Bischoff’s shoot narrative (Heenan: Bisch wanted to expand with Thunder, and though we were unsure that he wasn't moving too fast, he made it a success; Bischoff: Turner wanted Thunder, not me, and I treated it like the castoff show that I always knew it would be because I was stretched too thin and they didn’t pay me to produce the new show)…

 

• Ooh, lookie here, Tenay conducted an interview with the Hulkster about Ruschoff coming back! OK, this is now a more interesting show than it was before, particularly if Hulk’s gonna do a worked-shootish sort of deal in that interview…Or maybe he will even straight shoot…

 

• The Giant Big Show is again featured (as part of the Nash/Giant feud that was a big part of the early Thunder shows)…This early part of the review is also Savage-heavy…I think the biggest evidence that medical science for athletes has taken massive leaps ahead in the past 25 years is that Savage was basically cooked after his knees and hips gave up on him in 1998, but Rey Misterio Jr. is a walking knee injury and is still wrestling in 2024 (and though I haven’t seen him wrestle in years, what I gather when I read about him is that he’s still surprisingly mobile for a near-fifty-year-old who is a walking knee injury)…

 

• Hogan snippet: He’s enthusiastic about Ruschoff in general…

 

• Tenay points out that Spring Stampede is, huh, fewer than two weeks out from this show and there are no matches for it…WHY does WCW always do this?...OK, then don’t make this change in creative control until AFTER the PPV…Run these shows off of Sullivan et al.’s bad ideas, just do the Sid/Hogan thing no one cares about and on the Nitro after, have Ruschoff show up and reboot the whole thing…That way, you get continuity, you finish these storylines no matter how bad they are, you can hype your PPV properly, and Ruschoff gets an extra week to plan out their storylines…They could show up on the post-Spring Stampede Nitro and reboot the whole thing regardless…The idea that you feel you have to hype two executives returning to creative immediately, cancel Nitro and Thunder and replace them with hype shows for Ruschoff, and destroy your (admittedly boring and meager) build for Spring Stampede is INSANE…It makes no sense!...

 

• Hogan snippet: Hogan likes making money and would like to make it in concert with WCW, which happened when Bischoff helmed the show…

 

• We skip from early 1998 to talking about Goldberg slicing up the tendons in his arm in Russo-Ferrara’s early 2000 era of Thunder…And we see it in black-and-white, actually…Then, we skip to a Hitman/Benoit match from right after Bret’s fifty-seventh heel turn in WCW…Jeff Jarrett and Goldberg run in on the bout…Bret is out of WCW, Benoit is out of WCW, and Goldberg is injured and is going to be booked into the ground even though he’s a megastar before leaving WCW television a few months early…*in Zoidberg’s voice* You still have Jeff Jarrett! You ALL still have Jeff Jarrett!!!...So, we once again see Goldberg injure himself - this time in real live color - with the limo window smash, then after a break see Bret continue worsening his post-concussion syndrome in this garbage match against Terry Funk…Boy, this show turned into a real bummer!...

 

• Hogan snippet: Run with the old fellas until the new fellas show something, that’s his belief (obvs)…

 

• They next highlight fighting babyface champion Sid Vicious, who a) just turned heel so he could job to Hulk Hogan and b) won’t be the champ in a few days anyway…Did nothing interesting happen on Thunder after the beginning of 1998, but before the end of 1999?!...Or did most of the interesting stuff on Thunder during that time involve, like, Chris Jericho?...Maybe that’s the issue…

 

• Hogan snippet: I’m bigger than WCW; they can’t book anything that will ruin my legacy!...Russo is going to give it a shot!...Though Hogan is going to alienate a lot of his own fans and tarnish his legacy just by being himself eventually…

 

• Boy, they spent a lot of time on current Thunder during this recap…It’s a) bad television and b) not relevant after this week, so that’s a choice…

 

• Tenay and Heenan wish each other good luck and Tenay notes they’ll need it…Yeah…

 

• Hogan snippet: I could totally retire right now, I’m so rich, but the wrestling game needs me!...Wait until Linda takes half of the marital wealth and spends it on a yacht she names Alimoney, buddy…You might be wishing that you’d actually helped WCW continue to survive so you could wrestle a few more matches under a couple of new Turner contracts then…

 

• Hogan interview: Beyond the snippets, Hogan fluffs himself…He and Bischoff took WCW national instead of being just the Southern wrasslin’ that is now basically fucking dead and gone as a cultural concern in the United States at this point…Which is a serious bummer…Hogan does note that Russo’s Attitude Era antics didn’t work in WCW, but if Russo can tone himself down (unlikely) and Bischoff can filter him properly (equally unlikely), it could work…

 

• Hogan says the young dudes can’t draw houses, so they’re not ready yet…He and Sid make money, unlike these young dudes…Hogan calls out Billy Kidman specifically, as he always does, all the time…He repeats the “not good enough to headline a show at a flea market” thing he said on the radio earlier in the year (or late in 1999, I can't recall) about Kidman…Hogan basically is like FUCK THE FANS WHO ARE SICK OF MY ACT…Tenay notes that Russo asked Hogan to step aside for awhile and asks why he went along with it and trusted Russo’s plans…Hogan says he didn’t trust Russo; he trusted in himself…Hogan reiterates that he’s bigger than WCW and that most of WCW’s wrestlers don’t have the sauce…He says Goldberg has the sauce, and maybe some of these younger guys, but he’s not sure about most of them yet…

 

• Tenay wants to know if Hogan’s red-and-yellow act can work in 2000…Hogan says no, but he can get a little edgy!...He notes the “training, prayers, kick your ass” line as an example of his edginess…No, that’s corny, not edgy, you fucking goof…Oooh, Tenay asks if TERRY BOLLEA thinks he needs to reinvent his persona for a new millennium…Hogan says that he does, but he’ll do it in reaction to what Ruschoff presents creatively…

 

• Hogan shouts out THE WALL, BROTHER and Goldberg as the future of WCW…He says that “Billy Kidman and some of the smaller wrestlers” need to hit the gym and realize that they’re not over…HAHAHAHAHA…I mean, yes, he’s setting up an angle with Kidman, but this is 99.9% what he actually thinks about the guy…I mean, Kidman is not a main eventer, but he was a very over midcarder who should have been positioned better!...Kidman's complaints about his positioning were not wrong!...This is another odd little interview that is more shoot than work and that was a strange way to talk about Terry Bollea and “the Hulk Hogan character”…That’s how the show ends…

 

• Well, see y’all on other other side for the start of the Ruschoff Era!...No rating…

[SirSmUgly]

Show #235 – 10 April 2000

“The one that sets a certain tone for the next three or four months”

• I’m so close to an actually consistently fun Nitro again that I can almost taste it. Just a few more months.

 

• Tony S.: MONDAY NITRO TURNS THE PAGE ON A BRAND NEW CHAPTER!!! Dude, Nitro has turned the page on a brand new chapter like eight times in the past year.

 

• A bunch of workers are out here with the ol’ stinkface on. No, not Rikishi’s signature move. Hey, it’s Mona! FREE MONA!

 

• Now some upper-midcarders walk down the ramp and toward the ring, and also Van Hammer is with them.

 

• Hudson, Madden, and Schiavone sell that everyone might be getting fired, who the hell knows? Jeff Jarrett is allowed to talk, which unfortunately is probably going to be nonsense, and yep, he gabs his same ol’ story. The short of it is that he is excited that Russo is finally going to crown him and introduces Vince Russo, who is now gracing us with his goofy-looking visage. Oh no, now Russo is SHOOTIN’ folks. He talks about wanting to beat Vince McMahon in the RATINGZZZ. Then, he pretends that he and the NEW BLOOD in WCW were about to turn those 3.5s that became 3s when the RFE started into 6s somehow, but the good ol’ boys in the back want to hold him and them down. He says that the Radicalz and Shane Douglas (who wanted to be a Radical, but didn’t get a callback from the other four when they went to Titan Towers) knew that as soon as he left, it was all over, and they left, but it’s okay because now he’s back! And he’s going to book some shitty television, sure, but he’s also going to run Hulk Hogan off that shitty television!

 

• OK, so here’s Eric Bischoff to cut in with an ARE YOU DONE YET?! This doofus walks out while a bunch of wrestlers look perturbed. They mean mug one another, but then they hug! WOW! WHO CARES! JUST PUT ON A WRESTLING MATCH! These two idiots cannot possibly think that anyone cares about them as personalities. He claims that he also got screwed by the good ol’ boys network, which is hilarious. He basically calls Hall, Nash, Sting, DDP, and Sid contract-signing mistakes and even pretends that he’s a Hulk Hogan hater. A few main eventers watch on a monitor backstage. Uh, should I just put this New Blood/Millionaires Club feud on the Worst Feuds list now? I think at this point, I’m assuming the worst and making it work its way off the list. Can you imagine: Four fucking months of Russo and Bischoff talking. Nonstop, probably. 

 

• Bischoff taunts all the main eventers as they hit the ramp. Hohoho, Sid likes to play softball instead of wrestling, what a sick burn, hohoho! DDP responds by telling Bisch to STEP OFF, which gets a pop. This worked-shoot nonsense always sucks and is never good. Then, Russo starts talking again. He hates Ric Flair and finds him to be comparable to poo on his shoe sole. We are fifteen minutes into this show, by the way.

 

• Russo and Bischoff strip all the gold from all the title bearers; Jarrett is reluctant to hand his belt over. The bored crowd chants for GOLDBERG. Bisch wants Sid’s belt, so Sid tells him to come take it to another crowd pop. Bisch walks toward Sid while the crowd chants SID SID SID for a while. Bisch does his corny CAN’T FIND YOUR SCISSORS?! line – twice – to a WOW from Madden and silence from a bunch of fans in Denver who have no idea what the fuck he’s talking about. Sid gives the big gold up to BOOOOOOOOOs.

 

• So, are they trying to make the midcard guys the heels by sticking Russo and Bischoff with them, or like what?

 

• WCW World Heavyweight Championship title change count: 7 (Hitman > VACANT > Benoit > VACANT > Sid > Nash > Sid > VACANT)

 

• WCW United States Championship title change count: 3 (Jarrett > VACANT > Jarrett > VACANT)

 

• WCW World Tag Team Championship title change count: 4 (VACANT > David Flair and Crowbar > The Mamalukes > The Harris Bros. > VACANT)…

 

• WCW World Cruiserweight Championship title change count: 4 (Madusa > Oklahoma > VACANT > TAFKAPI > VACANT)…

 

• The crowd chants for GOOOOOOLDBERG some more as the segment peters out.

 

• Nothing can bring mortal enemies like Sting and Hulk Hogan together like their main event spots being threatened; Sting runs and squeals to a newly-arrived Hulk Hogan and is like WHOA, BISCHOFF IS COMING AFTER ALL OF US, NO RIBBIN’.

 

• Hey, look, a functional ramp! I like it! DDP and Kimberly come out, but Ruschoff harasses them by having production kill Page's music and pyro. Because it worked so well to get across that Booker T. storyline a couple months ago, you see. Page faces TTP (w/Liz) in a matchup where the winner gets another matchup for a shot at the big gold against Jeff Jarrett at Spring Stampede. I think. They haven’t been that clear about it yet. Okay, it’s Page vs. TTP and Sid vs. Sting, with the winners facing each other to get the match with Jarrett. They fuck with TTP’s music, but he gets his spotlight…and they bring up the house lights before Liz can tear away his sweatsuit. Okay, great, let’s move it along.

 

• Page controls Package to start, but after a swinging neckbreaker, Page tries to follow up and gets a leg to the nuts, followed by Package hitting some stomps and forearms. Package kills a DDP comeback and lands a trio of rib-breakers when, oh yeah, Russo is back, so we can’t get much wrestling before nonsense happens. Buff Bagwell comes out to his music and celebrates as his pyro goes off. Package and the ref are both distracted; DDP crawls up and forearms TTP in the balls. Buff tries to mack on Kimberly – please don’t go back to that storyline – while Package takes over again. I missed the transition. Buff forcefully kisses Liz, which distracts Package again. He grabs her again and reinforces that the New Blood are weirdo dickhead heels, apparently, and Page sneaks up with a Diamond Cutter for three.

 

• The Hulkster walks around looking for Eric Bischoff.

 

• Curt Hennig walks around backstage looking for Vince Russo and finds him. Hennig wants to know why he can’t get any play after being TPtB’s loyal right-hand man. Russo pretends that he merely forgot about Hennig and then offers him a chance to wrestle Jeff Jarrett for his spot in the world title match at Spring Stampede.

 

• Tank Abbott walks to the ring. He grabs a mic. DAMMIT on both counts. He basically challenges Goldberg to a fight. I have marginal interest in Goldberg murdering Abbott in a sixty-second match. Abbott says he’s going to beat people up beyond the reasonable amount that one might in a sanctioned wrestling match until Goldberg comes back and faces him. Tank walks over to the commentary booth and suddenly turns babyface by beating up Mark Madden.

 

• Jeff Jarrett is upset at Russo for putting his world title shot in danger, but Russo is incredulous that Jarrett doesn’t trust him. Russo: “Who do I look like to you, J.J. Dillon?!” INSIDERY OFFICE POLITICS BURN

 

• Billy Kidman shrugs off a worried Torrie Wilson and says that there’s something he’s just gotta do…

 

• …and we cut to Hulk Hogan walking around backstage, still looking for Eric Bischoff. He runs into Terry Taylor, who points him in a direction.

 

• Hogan finally locates Eric Bischoff, who opens the door of his office when /hogan knocks on it. Bisch calls this guy "'Wood", just like the brothers and the sisters in the hood, I guess. They look at each other like jilted lovers before Bisch invites Hogan into his office for a chat.

 

• Billy Kidman hits the ring to get pushed beyond his stature. Look, you don’t skip the guy from “job boy for the Harris Bros.” to “feud with the Hulkster” overnight! What about trying to build him with, like, a U.S. Championship reign first, at the very least? Kidman shoots on the old guys. He’s unfortunately not currently over enough to shoot on the old guys. He calls out Hogan for shitting on him the past few weeks and then says Hogan is talentless and has an ugly tan. He also says that he can’t draw flies like Hulk Hogan can because Hogan has the advantage there, what with being a pile of shit and all. Finally, he calls Hogan out for a fight, and the Hulkster just happens to catch Kidman asking if Hogan’s “balls are as big as his bald spot” on a monitor backstage post-Bischoff meeting. The crowd in Denver seems interested in this even though, as Hudson notes, it partially rests on a Hogan internet interview that 97% of them don’t even know occurred– and I’m being generous with that number.

 

• I’m in absolute hell. Worked-shoot promo and storyline nonsense is the worst thing in the whole world of pro wrestling. Hogan comes out and is like YOU ARE A BAD LITTLE BOY, KIDMAN, A BAD, BAD LITTLE BOY WHO IS A BAD INFLUENCE ON THE OTHER YOUTHS. They talk about the business and respect and pushes, but when Hogan calls Kidman P-WHIPPED, Kidman gets all aggy and stomps him out. Hogan bails to the floor, where he steps aside on a Kidman dive and lands a few punches before posting Kidman’s shoulder and tossing the tiny little guy into the guardrail. Hogan tosses Kidman back in the ring, grabs the mic, expresses incredulity that Kidman thought he could win a fight against him, and then punches Kidman some more while the crowd cheers for him. Bischoff walks down with a chair, pretends he’s going to whack Kidman with it, then delivers an unprotected shot to Hogan's dome, which gets boos. Then he counts a pinfall for Kidman after the latter makes a cover, which, uh, I guess counts as a win? Was this a match? Why did Hogan blade for this?

 

• Fucking Ruschoff made the young dudes the heels like the two jackasses that they are.

 

• Ric Flair has shown up to the building.

 

• Hogan tosses a bunch of stuff around backstage and yells KIDMAN, GODDAMMIT because I guess he’s ramping up the edge of his character.

 

• Ric Flair catches up on the start of the show with Terry Taylor in production. Then, he walks to the ring. Usually, Flair shows up to cut promos on Bischoff, but this time, he’s going to switch it up and cut promos on Russo. He gets a cheap pop from Denver by citing John Elway…Elway…Elway (that's how he said it) as a way to demonstrate that legends rule, dammit! Basically, his promo is that Russo grew up watching Flair and, er, that is why Russo hates Flair. Because he grew up watching him. In New York. Uh, that’s shaky reasoning, as is his hasty argument for why he’s cool with Hogan and Sting now, and why he’s neutral on Bisch.

 

• The Steiner Brothers theme plays, and thankfully, someone who can talk gets out here. Scott Steiner basically rolls Ric Flair, basically saying that he knows that Flair saw that one promo he cut on him and got suspended for because Flair bleached his formerly yellow teeth in response; they’re still crooked, though! Then, he says with the exception of one guy (The Rock, who is like a phantom member of the WCW roster, considering his immense influence on this company even though he’s never worked for it), all the WWF's recent champs came through WCW and left for greener pastures because of Flair and the other vets who held them down. Then, Steiner buries Flair being a fourteen-time world champ because THAT FAT ASS IN THE FRONT ROW could have done the same if he had his friends in the office pulling the strings. He tosses in a LOW-CLASS WHITE TRASH, then puts in some fucked up gimmick teeth and pretends to be Flair on the mic. This is where he lands the famed MORE LOOSE SKIN THAN A SHARPEI PUPPY line, and he continues to talk shit as Shane Douglas runs in from nowhere and KOs Flair. Well, if the whole roster is going to SHOOT, BRO, at least they could be entertaining about it like Scotty Steiner’s crazy ass is.

 

• Kevin Nash hobbles into the building on crutches.

 

• Bret Hart is sitting in the crowd, looking dour. Wait, did I even need to write those last two words of the previous sentence? (Sorry, Hitman, just a tiny joke, you’re still my G.O.A.T.!)

 

• Tony S.: EVERY SEGMENT IS A TRAIN WRECK. He said it, not me. I do co-sign it, though. 

 

• Let’s go to Mean Gene Ric Flair stomping around backstage looking for Shane Douglas, who is with Mean Gene. That probably explains Tony S.'s confusion about whom he was throwing it to. Okerlund yells at Douglas for coming back after having been granted his release, and Douglas yells about this feud with Ric Flair that he’s been so excited to work even though it has no heat with the majority of the crowd. 

 

• Sting comes to the ring. Well, at least there have been a lot of stars on this show. That’s a plus, right? Speaking of, here’s Sid for that other semi-final match on the Millionaire’s Club side of the bracket. Sid lands body shots to start. Sting counters by hanging Sid on the top rope, kicking him, Stinger Splashing him, and knocking him to the floor for an obligabrawl that he rapidly loses control of. When they get back in the ring, Sting makes a brief comeback before splashing himself right into Sid’s raised knees. Sid yells WRONG PLACE, WRONG TIME and politely asks the crowd to keep their yapping to a minimum before going back on the attack and cinching in a Shinonomake. Sting tries to fight out, so Sid slams him out of that move for two.

 

• Sid follows up with a chinlock. Sting fights up from it and launches himself toward Sid, but they both clothesline each other and, aw man, it’s THE WALL, BROTHER. TW,B carries a table to ringside and sets it up as Sid kicks out of a Sting pinfall attempt; he launches Sting right into the ref for a bump. I'd sarcastically write a SURPRISE! here, but ref bumps happen so often in this era of WCW that only a sincere SURPRISE! when a match ends cleanly would actually be appropriate. Sting hits one Stinger Splash, then misses another. Sid powerbombs Sting, but TW,B hits him with a chair from behind, then brings him to ringside and chokeslams him through the table that he set up. Sting wins it by count-out after ref Nick Patrick revives. There are many things I could type here, but you know what, none of this matters, so I don’t care enough to bother.

 

• Ric Flair comes back to the ring to call Shane Douglas out. He promises to fight Douglas tonight and then tells Vince Russo that he’s not retiring, which is no SURPRISE!

 

• Hogan tosses stuff around and turns over a couch while yelling KIDMAN GODDAAAAAUGH, which did make me laugh, even if it was unintentional on that goof Hogan’s part.

 

• Back from break, Hogan randomly beats up the two flippy members of Three Count while looking for Bischoff. I guess Evan Karagias has hit the gym enough to be spared Hogan’s beatdowns.

 

• Pre-tape: The Ready to Rumble opening, which included David Arquette giving Jeff Jarrett a KABONGing in a wrestling ring set up outside the theatre. And guess who will be at Thunder? Elite hardcore wrestler David Arquette himself!

 

• Jeff Jarrett wrestles Curt Hennig in the, um, New Blood?!? part of the bracket. Sure, why not. Nothing means anything in WCW. This is the New Blood part of the bracket, damn the fact that two veterans who have been on television forever are wrestling in it. Jarrett jumps Hennig in the aisle, and they begin the match with an obligabrawl. Hudson tells us that he somehow knows that Hogan somehow knows that Bischoff is in a skybox somewhere in this arena.

 

• Meanwhile, Jarrett and Hennig finally get back to the ring, where Jarrett takes over with a jawbreaker and a back elbow. Both men throw some strikes at one another; Jarrett pops on a sleeper, but gets suplexed out of it. Then, OH WOW, A knockoff of a knockoff of Exodus plays as Shawn Stasiak walks out to ZERO CROWD NOISE. NONE. NADA. ZERO. This stupid ass Meat fucks up a gum swat, then attacks Hennig after a – wait for it – ref bump. Stasiak hits a shitty swinging slam that looks like garbage; then, he leaves the ring as Charles Robinson wakes up in time to count three on a Jeff Jarrett Stroke.

 

• Hulk Hogan busts into a skybox and accosts paying customers; Ric Flair walks backstage, but faster than normal. There’s a commercial break. Nash talks to someone on his cell phone about Bisch being out of control and implores the person on the other end to get down to the building.

 

• So, uh, the nWo is dead for good in WCW now, right?

 

• Sting yells about outranking Bisch by longevity and promises to harass Jarrett into the ground for the next six days in an interview with Okerlund. Uh, you still have to beat DDP to get the title shot, my dude. Maybe focus on that first.

 

• Ric Flair and Shane Douglas have a lukewarm brawl in and around the ring after that. Flair is on top when Vince Russo walks out holding a baseball bat and pops Flair in the ribs with it. Flair suffers a beatdown with this rubber bat. Russo stands over Flair and crotch chops. They steal his Rolex. It was funnier when the Filthy Animals did it. Wow, now I’m looking back on the Filthy Animals fondly in comparison to the current show. Bananas.

 

• Kevin Nash limps out on crutches to the Wolfpac theme. Remember when the Wolfpac was way over? And then they got blown up by the Fingerpoke of Doom? Ah, yeah. Classic WCW. I wonder if things end any different if Savage is able to stick around on television instead of getting hurt early in the Wolfpac’s existence and going off television for a year. Probably not.

 

• So, Nash is still very over. He’s going to shoot and work and work a shoot. Also, he’s going to call Ruschoff JAGOFFS because he’s edgy. He does ask, “Whatever happened to that sweet little rasslin’ show we were doing every Monday?!” He’s being sarcastic, but yes, actually, I’d like to inquire about that. Nash says that Scott Hall has sobered up and is annoyed about this wrestling television show and the narrative turn that it’s taken, then shoots about how he and Scott Hall made both Russo and Bischoff’s careers and that he personally saved Russo from getting beaten up by Shawn Michaels on a few occasions. Eh, Shawn’s not that dude in a fight, even considering little-ass Russo being his opponent. Also, as far as his thoughts about Bischoff: Something something without us showing up, something something Verne Gagne’s coffee boy. Mike Awesome jumps Nash from behind in what is something of a recurring theme tonight, if you haven’t noticed. Awesome breaks a crutch over Nash’s back and announces his arrival in WCW.

 

• While sitting in the backseat of his limo, Hogan yells that he’s going to EAT [BISCHOFF’S] ASS. Then, and you won’t fucking BELIEVE THIS, the WHITE GODDAM HUMMER rams the limo three times before Bischoff and Kidman pop out of it and Bisch taunts Hogan from outside the limo.

 

• THE WHITE GODDAM HUMMER RETURNED

 

• I can’t even

 

• OK, so there’s a commercial break. We come back to see Kidman and Bischoff run up on Hogan while the latter is being put on a stretcher. Kidman tags him with an NB in red spray paint and, along with Bischoff, sounds completely out of his depth trying to taunt the guy.

 

• DDP (w/Kimberly) is back to the ring to wrestle Sting for a world title shot against Jeff Jarrett in six days. Jarrett walks out to observe the proceedings from what was Mark Madden’s seat at the broadcast booth. Sting and Page wrestle this match at a pace that tells me that it isn’t going very long. Sting lands a couple of Stinger Splashes a couple of minutes in, then attempts a Scorpion Deathlock; DDP gets the ropes. Page bails, then gets back in the ring and loses a punch-up with Sting before managing to wrap him up and land a belly-to-belly suplex. Sting fights out of that as Jarrett leaves the booth and accosts Kimberly. Page sees this, peels off, and punches Jarrett outside the ring while Vampiro attacks Sting inside the ring and breaks up the long-running Brothers in Paint team. I mean, that team had done all it could possibly do, to be fair. Vampiro hits Sting with a Nail in the Coffin, and Page gets back in the ring and finishes Sting off entirely with a Diamond Cutter for three.

 

• Jarrett gets back in the ring and swings his guitar at Page, who ducks. Kim gets KABONG’d instead, but I’m pretty certain she turns on Page at Spring Stampede. I feel like I saw that happen at a Spring Stampede show. Wait, maybe Slamboree? OK, it could be in May, not April. Anyway, she’s going to turn on him soon. Maybe this is all part of the MASTER PLAN that Jarrett was babbling about at commentary before he got up and set the endgame of this match into motion?

 

• After one final commercial break, Jarrett, Russo, and Bischoff celebrate in the back before sending Jarrett back out to the ring to take a victory lap. The heels were selling that the crowd wanted to see him one more time. Schiavone was selling that he was walking out to the howls of a lynch mob. They showed a crowd shot. People were generally unmoved.

 

• Jarrett gets a mic and does his whole CHOSEN ONE yada yada STROKE yada yada NEW WCW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION deal. Then he offers to either KABONG Kim again at Spring Stampede or fuck her, IDK, double entendres are ambiguous like that. DDP runs out to attack Jarrett. Scott Steiner runs out to attack Page. TTP runs out to attack…y’know, the point is the New Blood has numbers and beats down the Millionaire’s Club until Sting makes it three-on-five, which is enough manpower to make a save until Booker T. and the Cat hit the ring and attack Sting. Hey, at least this got Booker out of that death spiral of a feud with Stevie, right? Maybe? I don’t know; he still hasn’t been G.I. Bro yet, after all. Things could get worse. Bischoff and Russo hit the stage and applaud the carnage. Bret Hart steps onto the stage to confront them. The show ends.

 

• Look, I worry that when I write about this show sometimes, I get hyperbolic, both about the good stuff and about the bad stuff. I really do try to think about how I frame what I’m writing, even if sometimes it seems like the words I use are a bit much. So, let’s see if I can lay this out in a way that doesn’t come off as some sort of histrionic attempt at analysis of this episode:

 

• As someone who hates worked shoots when done by guys who have actual mic skills, and as someone who thinks almost no one in WCW has actual mic skills, this show was already in a death spiral from the jump. Add in every match having a run-in and half those run-ins being debuts of guys that none of the fans in Denver really knew or cared about, and add in the same issues with edgelord attempts at cussing and lots of walking around backstage, and then top it off with the rancid Maraschino cherry of young guys who were over babyfaces being set back by getting cast as heels in this feud with the main eventers, and I assure you that I am not being hyperbolic when I say that I truly believe that this was the worst episode of a wrestling show I’ve ever seen, hands down.

 

• I’m not saying that I hated it the most of any show I've seen. I’m not making claims about the wrestlers being the drizzling shits or the production being dying indie-level. I’m simply saying that every decision that Ruschoff made about presenting all the wrestlers on this episode was so wrong as to set up the next few months of television for complete failure immediately upon their first night presenting a show. I could write an essay about how and why, but why bother? It’s WCW.

 

• Look, at least I’ll get no more Hogan and the fun of seeing Booker T. in the main event out of this in a few months of television, but this show was, on every level, a complete and utter failure. It didn’t debut anyone effectively, it didn’t get any of the midcarders over, and it didn’t set up a compelling storyline for the future. It didn’t entertain via the wrestling or the talking. There were no gems. Even Scott Steiner’s rant was tainted with the stench of WORKED SHOOTIN’. This was anti-professional wrestling.

 

• Turning and turning in the widening gyre/The falcon cannot hear the falconer;/Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;/Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,/The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere/The ceremony of innocence is drowned;/The best lack all conviction, while the worst/Are full of passionate intensity out of 5 Stinger Splashes

[zendragon]

I remember when Hogan was burying Kidman in his book I was thinking "late period WCW I was way more into what he was doing than what you where doing"

[caley]

50 minutes ago, SirSmUgly said:

Hogan yells that he’s going to EAT [BISCHOFF’S] ASS. 

Man I knew the two of them were close...but...

Man I was such a big Mike Awesome fan and they JAG him faster than you can believe.  It was clearly a "He's a big star in ECW it'll work." without actually watching him in ECW and noting that Paul E. matched him up with guys that were smaller than him to !ale him bigger, that Paul E. had someone talk for him but also that the bulk of his offence would be unusable in WCW (iirc the one time he does his Awesome Bomb over the ropes through a table he gives Vampiro a concussion!). Also feuding him with Nash makes him look small from the get-go!

[zendragon]

Yhea he was Indy big for sure. Like you mentioned feeling sad about Daffney I feel the same way about Mike Awesome. All those head shots had to contribute to his suicide. And he had such a positive attitude about some of the silliness like the fat chick thriller

[Gorman]

3 hours ago, zendragon said:

Yhea he was Indy big for sure. Like you mentioned feeling sad about Daffney I feel the same way about Mike Awesome. All those head shots had to contribute to his suicide. And he had such a positive attitude about some of the silliness like the fat chick thriller

Researching the WCW book, I knew about the Fat Chick Thrilla and That 70s Guy, so I was surprised that he also joined Team Canada.

[SirSmUgly]

6 hours ago, caley said:

Man I knew the two of them were close...but...

I think he realized what he was saying. His goal was to say "eat his ass for breakfast" before he realized how that might sound, so it came out like this:

I'M GONNA EAT HIS ASSHAHRAGH

Which just made it sound like he was going to say "I'm gonna eat his asshole" before he stopped, but I'll be charitable here. 

Quote

Researching the WCW book, I knew about the Fat Chick Thrilla and That 70s Guy, so I was surprised that he also joined Team Canada.

How many gimmick refreshes can you give one guy in eleven months?!

Edited October 18 by SirSmUgly

[caley]

8 hours ago, zendragon said:

Yhea he was Indy big for sure. Like you mentioned feeling sad about Daffney I feel the same way about Mike Awesome. All those head shots had to contribute to his suicide. And he had such a positive attitude about some of the silliness like the fat chick thriller

Those ECW matches where he and Tanaka try to cave in each other's skulls with unprotected chairshots are a real hard watch now.

 

8 hours ago, zendragon said:

 

 

[twiztor]

On 10/16/2024 at 9:35 AM, SirSmUgly said:

Show #234 – 3 April 2000

• Tony S. and Mark Madden look back at when Nitro was good

On 10/16/2024 at 11:59 AM, SirSmUgly said:

Thunder Interlude – show number one hundred and five – 5 April 2000

• Mike Tenay and Bobby Heenan are in the studio for this one…Tenay pitches it as mostly a “Best of Thunder” show

neither of these episodes sounds even vaguely familiar, so either i completely forgot that they existed, or i skipped and/or fast forwarded through them entirety. Any of those options are equally likely. But man, that Hogan reliance and content is obnoxious and atrocious. YUCK!

On 10/17/2024 at 11:10 PM, SirSmUgly said:

Show #235 – 10 April 2000

• So, are they trying to make the midcard guys the heels by sticking Russo and Bischoff with them, or like what?
• Fucking Ruschoff made the young dudes the heels like the two jackasses that they are.
• Turning and turning in the widening gyre/The falcon cannot hear the falconer;/Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;/Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,/The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere/The ceremony of innocence is drowned;/The best lack all conviction, while the worst/Are full of passionate intensity out of 5 Stinger Splashes

• and, you nailed it again. the old dudes are OBVIOUSLY the heels as this story should be presented. And they act heelish. The "young" guys should OBVIOUSLY be the fan favorites, based on their youth, abilities, and storyline reasons. PLUS, everything they're saying is accurate. Yet, Bischoff/Russo had to book this as a SWERVE, i guess? but it leads to an entire roster full of heels. Who do you root for, and why should you care? i feel like i have a rant about this entire feud that i posted online when i rewatched. Can't remember if it was on this board, somewhere else, or if i just never posted it anywhere, but that's the cliff's notes version. 
• i gotta ask. did Hogan actually say "P-Whipped", or did he use the full term? i can't decide which one would be "EDGIER" for the Hulk Hogan character. because 'Wood (as the brothers call him) would definitely not hesitate to say "pussy".
• are you working or shooting with that rating? oh no, now even these reviews are SHADES OF GRAY, BRO!

so, just so that we can all keep it straight, the Millionaire's Club includes (age, "national U.S." tv run, # of world titles):

• Hulk Hogan (47, 19 years, 11)
• Ric Flair (51, 20+ years, 14+)
• Sting (41, 13 years, 7)
• DDP (44, 8 years, 2)
• Sid (40, 11 years, 4)
• Kevin Nash (41, 9 years, 4)
• Lex Luger (42, 13 years, 2)

while the New Blood includes:

• The Powers That Be Vince Russo and Eric Bischoff
• Jeff Jarrett (33, 8 years, 0)
• Scott Steiner (38, 11 years, 0)
• Curt Hennig (?) (42, 17 years, 1)
• Shane Douglas (36, 10 years, 4)
• Booker T (35, 7 years, 0)
• Kidman (26, 4 years, 0)
• Vampiro (33, 2 years in US, 0)
• Mike Awesome (35, 2 years, 2)
• the Cat (36, 3 years, 0)
• THE WALL, BROTHER (34, 1 year, 0)
• Shawn Stasiak (30, 2 years, 0)

i struggle to think of someone like Curt Hennig or Scott Steiner as "new blood", and Jarrett has had a long run between both companies, so he's certainly no fresh face either. Steiner at least has a very fresh presentation, plus he is semi-recently out of a longstanding tag team, so i'll give him a pass for those reasons. Same for Booker T, but Booker is 100% worthy here. Shane Douglas (is he still on fraud watch?) spent too long on top of ECW to even remotely be viewed as "new". just a terrible grouping of people that are at wildly different places in their careers. 

Edited October 19 by twiztor

[The Comedian]

10 hours ago, caley said:

Also feuding him with Nash makes him look small from the get-go!

Yeah that was the big problem. You got a guy who's famous for throwing smaller dudes around the ring with cool power bombs and suplexes, so you debut him against...a guy who's bigger than him so he can't hit most of his trademark offense against him. That's fucking stupid.