BEN!

Pretty sure all of Retribution are women. This is like Vince just saw Spring Breakers cause Prichard mentioned Double J was in a movie. "This is great, pal. Put some girls in masks and let them wreck shit." "People will think it's a political thing like Antifa." "Auntie who?"

That's not a vintage Cheetara. It's a new MOTU-style by Funko. Toy Biz made a lot of good WCW figures. They did not make a lot of good Bret Hart WCW figures. The ones with sunglasses look like Howard Stern. Bash At The Beach series probably the best one. He comes with a giant water cannon gimmick as you'd expect Bret Hart to have.

I hope everybody trolls Okada and picks TNA stips. Okada: "Ladder match!" Wrestler #2: "I also want a ladder match but ladders are illegal and you have to climb the wires the belt is attached to in order to retrieve it." Wrestler #3: "I too want a ladder match but you have to hang the belt up in order to win and you first have to pin one of the other competitors in order to qualify to hang the belt and the man gets pinned will have to sit in a penalty box for like 90 seconds." Wrestler #4: "Man, fuck a ladder match. I want a battle royal but we all start on the floor and the last man in is eliminated then we have a regular over the top rope battle royal then the last two men have a regular one on one match."

Jake Roberts turning towards Acher during War Whore's intro made me laugh. Following Kingston didn't do him any favors. Cardona didn't look any bigger to me than he did in WWE. It was called the land of the giants for a reason. Evil Uno mask teeth were straightened out. That Dork Order dental plan at work. Moxley saying he doesn't start fights when his first night in, he started two. The Lethal Lottery might mean something if random-ass tag matches weren't already the norm with the women. Is it taking place on FTR tag team appreciation night?

I think the problem with Bret Hart figures is they give him too much hair.

Ross is officially AEW's 'Senior Advisor' or something of that nature. AEW's supposed to be the "real sports" wrestling promotion but you've got some of the EVPs that want to ignore the rules so they can get their shit in. If the refs don't want to be criticized on the air then they should quit looking like morons on the air. If the wrestlers don't like being criticized on the air then they should quit blowing the old man off and explain to him why they're doing the things he's criticizing. Ross' biggest problem is he's too cognizant of his critics and he's too in his own head on the air. If the yak big, the yak big. Suckas gots to know. Also, it's fun how people go on about diversity but then when the ratings come up, it's all about the core demos.

Alisha Edwards popped up backstage pre-pandemic. She wanted on Grace's Lethal Lockdown team and Grace said of course cause Alisha was a freak and then Alisha sang. It was...something. I do not want the return of the Aces or Eights. I want Gallows and Anderson to brother it up with the Swingman, daddy! They can back the Pack, jack! I hope the mystery man is Road Warrior Animal. EC3 is probably most likely though. I don't think there's been any tease but Chris Hero could be good. I hope Eddie Edwards turns heel though. They screwed him over by making him do a best of 5 series when he already won the trophy. Then they showed him getting booed and cheated in Qatar. Now he has to compete in a 4-way with a mystery man.

Aldis can probably figure out some video editing software. He probably can't do any worse than the Homer with the star wipe quality production they already had.

He's in IWGP United States Championship Match IV: The Voyage Home.

IWGP United States Championship Match: The Motion Picture presented by New Japan Pro Wrestling A screenplay by BEN! Open wide with an establishing shot of a desert. An Ennio Morricone-style soundtrack plays throughout. A black SUV drives into the scene. Two black-suited dark shades-wearing men of Asian descent exit. "Get out gaijin dog!" one orders as he opens the back door. In the back sits the IWGP US Champion Jon Moxley blindfolded. The other suited man removes the blindfold and barks, "Time to fight!" "Bout time," Moxley coldly mutters as he headbutts the suited man. A NJPW ref arrives from seemingly out of nowhere and intervenes screaming "No no! Opponent over there!" Moxley's opponent [____] enters the scene. The two fight for about 15 minutes in the desert wasteland before Moxley hits the Death Rider, cause this is absolutely not taking place in the US where it would be called the Paradigm Shift, and gets the pin and retains the IWGP US Championship. He then attacks the other suited man and leaves him laying. Moxley enters the SUV and drives off. Same wide shot as open but now with the SUV driving off into the desert night kicking up dust. Roll credits.

Kate Kane isn't even the most important character in the show. Batman's clothes rank higher than her. Why do you need Kryptonite to kill her since she's gotten clunked upside the head and knocked out and captured several times? Just hit her in the head some more. Or shoot her in the mouth. Or drown her. Or throw her off a great height. They should have Alice kill her off and take over her bar and turn it into a diner and when bootleg Tommy Lee Jones comes to arrest her, she tells him to kiss her grits. These TV people got some real temerity to keep pitching Batman shows that don't have Batman doing Batman stuff.

Stadium Stampede was not cinematic. It was like a bunch of barely stitched together WWF Hardcore Title matches. My cinematic sports entertainment power rankings: 1. Scott Steiner/Josh Mathews vs. Joseph Park/Jeremy Borash 2. The Sting/Cheatum trilogy 3. The Final Deletion The Hardy stuff only works with Jeff, the guy everyone knows is shoot crazy, playing the straight man during all the madness. I haven't gotten around to WrestleMania or MITB.

I'm so far behind there's still people in the crowd but I looked at the Slammiversary card and the selling point for the main event being someone recently fired from WWE debuting is the real "old school rules" match. Instead of saddling Moose with Dreamer they should just put him in the main and make it a KOTM match cause he's actually got a belt. Should probably put Mack in there too cause he's the only guy on the roster that knows the KOTM rules.

The interview with the The Hulkster, The Warrior, and The Arriba Man is the best part. How could anyone hope to contend with the combined might of Warrior Wildness, Hulkamania, and Arriba Derci! Seriously, the best part of any Survivor Series are the crazy coked-up group pre-match interviews.

It's too bad Tenta didn't get a uniform but it's fun that he looks like he's wearing an Earthquake-colored Tugboat outfit.

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EbMXowHWAAEXhB8?format=jpg It was hand-sized.

Bull Of The Woods Championship. Instead of a title belt they get a hilariously oversized cowboy boot and maybe a cowboy hat too. Like the TV title with 1 fall, 10-minute time limit matches but with each victory Tony Khan shoves a wad of money into the boot. Champion can cash out and take the money and run or choose to keep the title and let it ride for double the bonus money with the next defense and the bonus money continues to double with each defense. Champ retains on a draw but receives no cash bonus. If the champ loses then they lose the entire pot to the challenger as well.

EC3's got a weird sense of humor that doesn't seem like the kind of thing Vince would like at all. I find AEW generally alright-ish. Dynamite's settled into not being anything all that much different than a standard WWE broadcast though. One week opened with a 20-minute Moxley promo followed by an invisible camera vignette. The character development is really lousy though. Four months in and I don't know anything more about Riho and Nyla Rose and a litany of others than I did before AEW started. Did you guys know Britt Baker is a dentist though? The storytelling is real lacking too. People talking up Cody getting whipped and I just don't get it. Like why would he find himself in such a predicament? MJF was the deciding factor in AEW's first PPV World Title defense. You'd think AEW officials would want to put Cody and MJF together right away yet MJF somehow has the stroke to make demands of the guy whose ring entrance has it's own entrance. Page wanted to get away from The Elite yet someone keeps putting him in tag matches with them. Pac has to stalk Michael Nakazawa every week to get a rematch with Omega for some reason. Also, one week it looked like Pac disappeared him and then he was back the next week as an interpreter with no mention of what happened. And why 10 lashes and a cage match with an unknown? It's not like Cody got MJF in a caged area and whipped him with his weight belt leading to MJF having to debut a bodyguard. Wardlow needs to murder somebody Wednesday cause he didn't even stop someone from getting to MJF last week. And remember when The Dork Odor (***) laid out all the top guys with an army of some fat guys they molested in the woods to end the show and then the next week the top guys just moved on like nothing happened. I'm sold on the idea of Matt Hardy being the Exalted One though. Mainly, just cause I want to see which AEW higher up gets sick of his wife's shit the fastest. My money's on Brandi.

No, no. AEW's women's division is the one that needs help. They should sign the 1000lb women. I don't really think they've got a lack of talent issue with the women. I haven't seen every show by any means but the only time I've seen Sadie Gibbs is doing a run-in and I've only seen Shanna wrestle once (where she got way too much against Shida who should've been their top girl from the beginning). Conversely, I feel like I've seen either Riho, Britt Baker, and Nyla Rose every time I watch.

She hasn't said how she would've said it though.

The PWF Heavyweight belt. Those trophy shop cover-up plates looked so bad. It would've been easier to just slap some black paint on one of the 6-man belts or something.

She said she didn't say the n-word. She shouldn't apologize if she didn't do it. The rest is whatever. Locker room shit should be settled internally not publicly. And just so some people can expand their sample size past one. TELEVISION PARTNERS/COUNTRIES IMPACT 12/67 NWA 0/0 YOUTUBE SUBSCRIBERS IMPACT 3.08M NWA 183K TWITTER FOLLOWERS IMPACT 547.7K Tessa Blanchard 153.4K Allysin Kay 85.8K NWA 71.1K

Hopefully not. They only name these things to exploit the deceased.

They've spent a fortune on talent if the $100 grand a year minimum number Cody was throwing around is true. There's no way to make that money back on some of these guys especially if they aren't even entertaining the idea of running house shows. Why did they still do the Dark Order thing if they didn't have the guy they wanted cause it wasn't like it was something that was advertised much less teased? Not like Scurll was gonna be the savior. Open up wide and swallow up this flavor. News is back with another verse/I promised TSN I wouldn't fucking curse/Oops, I'm a liar. A goddamn heel/I gotta keep it salty to keep it fucking real/Now put your hands in the air and wave 'em like you do care/If you don't you gon' face my icy evil glare/Now wave 'em to the left and then to the right/Wave them fucking hands back and forth all fucking night/Now here goes Uno and there goes Stu/If you join Order, Uno might sit on you/I got a Beaver Boy One and a Beaver Boy Two/These two boys smash more beaver than any of you/I brought my whole squad to help expose all the frauds/You nerds treat Elite like they some kind of gods/We hit the scene hard, left no room for survival/Blew the walls off the dump like a Shockmaster arrival/Nick and Matt suck. Cody does too/Kenny's on his knees cleaning up the goo/Page aight. He don't mess with us/If he ever do, I'll Chartbust his cowboy guts/Order gon' spit mo nasty than Tessa on gas/Order gon' get mo nasty than Brian Knobbs' ass/Order running this shit. Deal with it mark/The Order is here and it's gonna get dark. Yo baby, yo baby, yo.

Jimmy Havoc as The Exalted One would be a failure of the analytics department cause his WAR can't be any better than Uno's. Not better on the mic, not better in the ring, somehow even dumber looking. I got an idea though. DJ Ran, get all up in their area and drop that beat! https://youtu.be/gCXdhWWQTyU Go on marks, let me hear all those boos/The Rapmaster's back and that's not fake news/Like a blind chick at a bukkake party/You never saw this coming, I ain't no Marty/I'm leading Dark Order to kick The Elite's butts/You don't like that you can lick my salty nuts! Yo baby, yo baby, yo! I said yo baby, yo baby, yo! Word to Dark Order.