BEN!

Darby Allin picks 3 of the competitors while the final spot is determined in one of those battle royals with two rings, a ladder, and a life preserver. What will happen if one of Darby's foes wins? Can he coexist with Brody King or Swerve Strickland as a partner? If Danhausen wins, will Ric Flair say, "God, you've only been retired for a few months. You look like shit, Stinger." Then Darby/partner face the interim title holders in a best of 7 series.

Swerve and Brian Cage. You've got Nana out there so Flair has something to do; hit Nana, strut and do the Swerve dance. You've got the Gates so there's more bodies for Sting to land on safely. And most importantly, Darby and Swerve should be in AEW's World Title picture sooner rather than later. And Sting should win his last match. Putting over the Bucks at this point accomplishes nothing. Sting/Darby should've beat FTR for the Tag Titles at Wembley and then lost them to the Bucks at the next PPV.

Basically an entire episode on that goof Hannibal but nothing on why Abby's broke now and no mention at all of his wife. I had never seen the blade job before this but you've got like a 1% chance of contracting Hep C like that so it's no wonder that an attorney came to him instead of a doctor. I wouldn't think there'd be enough airtight contact between Abdullah and Hannibal to transmit the virus with surface level cuts like that. The way Nicholson always cried about this made me think he had gotten New Jack'd and cut open to the pink meat. Also, he had always claimed he was getting signed as a ref so I don't know why Vice made it look like WWE wanted him as a wrestler. And it wasn't that long ago he got arrested for beating his girlfriend too. You ever seen Abdullah's signature? He's got beautiful penmanship for an illiterate guy.

Right before Jarrett left TNA, they were looking for writers and I worked myself into a shoot and decided I wanted that job so for a couple of weeks I would just jot down ideas. One of them was Sabu managing the Briscoes. One, I wanted the Briscoes in and two, I wanted to work Team 3D out. So the premise was Sabu was sick of hearing 3D claiming to be the originators of table-based violence so he brings in the Briscoes as his proteges who he taught the intricacies of using tables as weapons. He was going to wear a suit and smoke a cigar and during promos would blow smoke rings and point up and Borash and Mark would look up at the smoke and then Jay would burst onto the set and start cursing so all you'd hear is a long "BEEP" and JB's eyes would get big and Sabu would pump his fist and nod excitedly in approval and then he'd point to the ring and him and Jay would storm off and JB would nudge Mark who's still looking up and he'd look around and smile at the camera and say something like, "Like my brother and Mr. Sabu were saying, we're in for a good ath-a-letic contest tonight, folks." and then a chair would come flying onto the set and Sabu and Jay would rush back on and Jay would be all, "Naw, man, no handshakes , we done shaking hands. We gonna put those two through some tables and send them back up north and they ain't gonna take 'em back cause they ain't gonna be cosmetically pleasing no more. Y'all better MAN UP!" then Jay and Sabu would leave again and Mark would smile at the camera again and say, "Stay tuned folks for more exciting Total Nonstop Action after these words from our sponsors!" and Borash would be, "That's my job. I throw to commercial." Then I've got Sabu taking the Briscoes out for sushi to celebrate with Borash along to document and they get their food and Jay and Mark would go, "They didn't cook that fish." "That man just cut that fish up and threw it on our plates." "Man, you got a grill back there, a hibachi, a Bic, some candles, two sticks I can rub together? Get over there Chicken, we gotta get some fire under this fish." Then the chef would be like, "No chicken, just fish, get back, please." "Man we can't be eating raw fish, we'll get the botulism." Then the camera pans over to Sabu and he just mutters, "savages" and then pulls a railroad spike out of nowhere and starts snatching sushi off Borash's plate with it while JB's eyes bug out.

Jimmy hasn't gotten the full wrath of The Tribal Chief yet. He just got snatched up and yelled at once and a while. Jey got beaten physically and emotionally into compliance. According to WWE, Jey Uso is the first man to ever pin Reigns (on the main roster). "Anybody can be beaten on ANY...GIVEN...SUNDAY...ha ha." "Or Tuesday since that's when NXT is on TV." "I was talkin' bout tonight, Vic." "It's Saturday, Book."

Also, when he wasn't in the rafters he was walking around in the rain. Anyway all of this is moot because 1998 was actually WCW's biggest money year ever so while this sucked it was not actually the beginning of the end. The finger poke was the actual beginning of the end.

I'm pretty sure the stuff in the prison takes place inside Eric Young's head. Cause they've shown him as a prisoner there but also the prison guard and lawyer (or warden). And when a VBD member got punished they'd be shown in the prison but then one time EY just had one of them locked up in a closet backstage because a babyface walked up on them. I think all the other murder has been Undead Realm-adjacent. Now why can everyone including the commentators see this, it's been established that IMPACT has cameras everywhere. We heard Jeff Hardy's inner monologue one time.

(Mike) Santana. Good babyface fire in the ring and can cut a strong promo and presents himself seriously enough to carry a main event program.

Nah, show it to Russo, He'd probably like Kinnikuman. "Bro, I gotta be honest, bro, I don't like reading subtitles but it's in like Chinese or something, bro, but the humor, bro, and Connectorman, bro and his relationship with his mom, bro. It's like a complex, bro. An edible complex, bro. He's wants to eat out his mom, bro. I love it, bro." Don't show it to Tony Khan. Someone will be flying into a pile of cardboard boxes.

IMPACT's quietly had a pretty good year. Re-signing Tasha Steelz is good but they've shed a lot of talent this year. Would've been nice to have seen some of these short-term rentals stick around a little longer like Jonah, the Briscoes, Taven, and even Morrisey. Not really starting 2023 out strong with Bully Ray in the main event though. This year's Throwback show was better than last year's. "Dallas'a no go so good." They never aired that show from April, did they? They couldn't kill off Downtown Daddy Brown cause he's still alive in 2022. I wished Giuseppe Scovelli, Sr. had done a Bill Watts on Sex Ferguson and Chad 2 Badd for leaving for lesser competition. Speaking of Watts, he would've killed to get DJ 2Large. Rusty Iron would've been very popular in the eighties as well. Rip Rayzor's in jail for attempted murder. I like how these stupid parody shows have a pretty tight continuity except for Dreamer who is just 2022 Tommy Dreamer name dropping '80s guys. It's funny that Swinger didn't start wrestling until the late nineties but does this concept better than Dreamer who actually started in the eighties. Rival Survival's an 8-man elimination tag team match, a completely new concept, Scovelli, Sr. just made up. Great Rival Survival pre-match promo from Team IPWF with lots of hollering plus dangerously slinging around sharp objects. Great Lakes Unionized Wrestling is a big man territory. Walter Chestnut got hosed but at least IPWF's December spectacular The Bash At The Beach still took place from, I already forgot, Indiana, I think.

JAMIE DUNDEE! Picture if you will, suburban Chicago, a Wednesday night in February, STRAIGHT EDGE PRO presents BEACH BASH. No chairs, the fans are sitting on the floor crisscross apple saucing it up. No alcohol sales, only ice cream. It's time for the main event, EVERYBODY HERE COMES TOO COLD SCORPIO . "Whoomp there it is! Whoomp there it is!" "Get off the desk, Rob Naylor!" "This is my jam, Dave Prazak!" "Hey, Too Cold's coming over here." "Y'all crackers is crazy, man. Beach Bash in February. I had to park eight blocks away and take an Uber uphill in the snow to get here. You know what I'm bout to do, little man?" "You gonna step, Too Cold?" "That's right, I'm bout to step my black-ass somewhere warm. Deuces." "Everybody there goes Too Cold Scorpio and here comes his scheduled opponent, CM Punk along with Ace Steel." "Too Cold's not too cold. He's just mad that I wouldn't let him warm up by smoking the devil's lettuce. Oh, you people like the marijuana don't you? I bet you do cause I know you like the alcohol too cause I've been hearing the complaints all night about there not being any beer for sale. I got you ice cream. Delicious and affordably priced $12 ice cream bars. I don't smoke, I don't drink, and I don't do drugs cause I'm straight edge and that means I'm better than you." "Uh-oh, we got a guy in an orange prison jumpsuit jumping the rail!" "Is that Nailz? He looks terrible." "No, worse. It's Jamie Dundee, maaan." "I heard some shit was going down in Chicago so I had to leave lockup to check it out and all I see is an ice cream social happening. Let me get this straight, you don't smoke, don't drink, don't do no drugs? Good. More for me, motherfucker, ahahahaha!" "Ace Steel's baring his teeth and taking off after Jamie Dundee, around and around the ring they go, Dundee just rolled under the ring, Ace is following him, Jamie's on the other side and he's got some cables and he's leashed Ace Steel. He's choking him out and...look in the ring! From behind Wolfie D just hit Punk in the head with a hubcap." "The Cyberpunks are the only punks that ever mattered in rasslin', you punk bitch!" "P to the G plus the 1 and the 3, I'm JC Ice and he's Wolfie D and PG-13 is back and can't nobody stop us!" "Look who's coming out, it's Chris Hero and we're desperately out of time. We'll see you next month for Straight Edge Pro 2: The Battle For Some Belts."

If you have Rock for WrestleMania then Reigns should beat him. Cody can win MITB and announce he's cashing in at a future MSG show. If you don't have Rock then I'd go Breakker over Reigns. I don't trust Cody Rhodes to not talk himself under between the Rumble and WrestleMania. Breakker just barks and you can bring in Scott Steiner to call Heyman a fatass and the rest of the Bloodline: Tweedle Dee, Tweedle Dumb, Tweedle Dumber, and Honorary Tweedle Dumbass. They should probably start that push now though. I would've gone Bloodline vs. a hoss super team of McIntyre, Sheamus, Lashley, Breakker, and Goldberg for War Games. Goldberg in last, spears an Uso, spears another Uso, Reigns spears Goldberg, Breakker spears Reigns, Zayn and Jey cut him off and Sami messes up and hits Jey with a nightstick (or some kind of tribal roodypoo stick [Ucey Staff] they can bring back later for the big split) and Breakker submits Jey. Reigns gets a notch in the loss column for the first time in a couple of years and blames Jey. Sami and Sikoa go to NXT and cost Breakker the NXT Title to Theory, I guess. Reigns praises Sami and tells Jey to step up. Jey declares for the Rumble. Jey number 1, Rollins 2. Cody like 7 and eliminates Rollins and himself and they brawl to the back. Parade of hosses enter: Mahal, Holland, Moss, Shanky, Festus, Omos, whoever they got in the hossweight category. Breakker enters and starts shitcanning those big guys left and right. Strowman in at 30. Final four of Strowman, Sami, Jey, and Breakker. Sami screws up again and hits Jey, maybe not accidentally this time. Breakker eliminates Jey, Strowman tosses Sami. Breakker hosses Strowman over to win. WM night 1 opens with Sikoa winning the Andre Battle Royal and closes with Austin beating Sami with a giant mouse trap. Night 2 opens with Usos successfully defending the tag title and closes with Brekker beating Reigns for the title. Bloodline split begins with Reigns MIA, Jey snaps and beats Sami down with the stick. Eventually Reigns returns to help Sami and they beat the Usos for the tag titles.

It's certainly more succinct than "Teams of five awkwardly stand around in a scrum waiting for someone to jump on them from off the top of the cage because Triple H doesn't understand War Games."

When's the last time someone actually bladed on WWE TV? Not PPV, not busted open hardway, just zipped themselves on TV? The general public thinks all pro wrestling is just WWE and since WWE's aiming for another big TV rights deal, they probably don't won't to be confused with AEW's blood and guts.

Young Boy Tom is a good get. I forgot he was even available. I'm so far behind, I'm working through shows where fans are just returning. I'm surprised by how many women and children are in the crowd. This Edwards/Morrissey match at Homecoming has one side of the crowd filled with kids losing their minds for Edwards. I've never seen little kids reach through the guardrails to try to pick their guy up off the floor before. I swear they called an audible and changed the finish because of the way these kids were reacting. Eddie Edwards is for the kids. I don't know who the intergender stuff is for. It's not over at all. I once heard Kenny Omega's promos described as if an alien were mimicking human communication. That was a generous description. IMPACT's been a real generous partner with the forbidden door stuff. A little too generous, really. I got no use for babyface Cardona and sober Chelsea Green. Get 'em both sloshed, already. They should bring in Johnny Curtis and put him with Swinger and have him do the original gimmick they brought Swinger in to do. Especially, since they can probably pay it off now. The Influence should call themselves the Interim Knockouts Tag Team Champions. They should bring in The Allure and have a 3-way mean girl tag team feud. I jumped ahead to 1984 and Throwback Throwdown II. Nowhere near as good as the first. I don't feel good about this company's chances of stopping Junior's expansion. I can't believe they did this live and thought 3 hours was a good idea. Way too much Sex Ferguson and the Talk'n Shop crew. The Talk'n Shop stuff has a real short shelf-life. S.T.O.M.P. In Paradise doesn't make any sense without the action figure context and doesn't work when they've got 90s water guns in 1984. This needed more wacky eighties music videos and backstage promos. Morrissey should've been Bill Ding, Jr. He could've worn his regular gear. Some of these guys should maybe just stick with these gimmicks. Larry D as Badlands Bart. Rohit Raju as Quincy Cosmos looked like a star. Ladybird running her opponent into her love tunnel and mouthing off at the crowd is more fun than Havok in Decay. Scovelli, Sr.'s a hell of a promo. I wish he were running IMPACT.

I need this show to open with Vince making Austin Theory do the Rumble entrant rundown. VKM: [hands Theory sheet] Read this. AT: [moves lips] VKM: Out loud. AT: Oh, right. The entrants for this year's men's Royal Rumble are AJ Styles, Madcap Moss... VKM: Do it with more gusto! AT: Omos! Montez Ford! Otis! Austin Theory! Hey, some guy stole my name. VKM: It's you, you moron. Keep going. AT: Johnny ca...ca...knock... VKM: Knoxville, jackass. AT: Kofi Kingston! VKM: LOUDER! AT: JEY USO! VKM: THAT'S IT! MORE! AT: JIMMY USO! VKM: MORE! AT: I don't know any more Usos. VKM: Gah, give me that. You want something done right, you gotta do it yourself. The entrants for this year's women's Royal Rumble are the SmackDown Women's Champion Charlotte Flair! Natayla! Carmella! Queen Zelina! So nice they named her twice, Kelly Kelly! Returning to take out the trash and make an impact, Mickie James! Taaa Meeen Aah Snuuuka! Brie Bella! Nikki Bella! AT: JIMMY USO! VKM: What are you doing? AT: I thought we were naming twins. VKM: What time is it? AT: Eight o... VKM: IT'S TIME TO RUMBLE! IT'S TIME FOR THE ROYAL RUMBLE!!!

DId they dance?

Survivor Series has always sucked. People just thought it was important because it was one of the original four PPVs. The only redeeming quality has been the bizarre teams of jacked to the gills geeked-out of their gourds maniacs, warriors, giants, birdmen, hillbillies, and snakemen gathering together to do promos for that one special time of year when they can all unite in their shared interests of SURVIVAL and COCAINE! TEAMS OF FIVE STRIVE TO SURVIVE! CRANK UP THE 'COCK AND CRANK UP THE SAX!! IT'S TIME FOR THE SURVIVOR SERIES!!![/COKED-UP VINCE] https://youtu.be/f9FR3obcdLA

Hawk was on the babyface team in the print ads so Animal was probably already booked too. Harlem Heat were pictured draped in chains too so their TV build probably got dropped with the gimmick change. The entirety of the War Games build seemed to be entirely on that one Flair For The Gold segment.

There's still plenty of money matches/programs they can drop the ball on. Reigns vs. Goldberg/Rock/Jeff Hardy/babyface AJ Styles/babyface Santos Escobar/Swerve/Bron Breakker. If they could get out of their boring WrestleMania formula they could main event night one with New Day vs. Bloodline. Brock vs. Lashley/Bron Breakker. I also want to see him against Otis and Ivar but they're not going to use him against either of them. Viking Experience vs. Alpha Experience would be fun too. No. I do want Lio Rush to bring in Keith Lee, Kemonito, and Microman as his new associates. They all wear top hats and tux tails and Keith "Fatcat" Lee, Al Lush, and Micro The Main Man just strut out to interrupt promos and then strut off to commercial. No matches necessary.

Arn's podcast kind of devolved back into a 'Conrad reads results' show but they play his promos so it's like a JCP Arn promo compilation. And sometimes you get something like, "I clearly misspoke there, I meant to say I was imbued not inbred." Jarrett's show is very good. It makes sense that someone that's survived politically like him would understand how to thread the needle just right to indulge Conrad in his usual podcast bullshit while still being able to produce something of value. Angle's is surprisingly good too. The John du Pont episode is amazing cause I didn't know anything about him other than killing Dave Schultz (not Dr. D). The stuff he was doing was hilarious until he started pointing guns at people. "Back then we didn't know about mental health, you were either crazy or you weren't." John du Pont was crazy. I think just watching the actual JCP shows is a better use of time than bothering with Schiavone's podcast about them.

Really, WWE going from FOX to FS1 and keeping half of their audience is more impressive than AEW retaining their 49-year old male demo. FS1, TBS, and FOX aren't really even comparable networks unlike TNT and USA. That's why Vince ripped Triple H's heart out cause he got decimated in an even fight. If AEW really wanted to do something then they should try to get some kind of special on TNT or TBS, head to head against Raw during football season.

I know he did because I remember him standing in the background wearing his tux looking like redneck Lurch but it never really seemed like Sid interacted much with the rest of the Horsemen. He was doing tag matches with Hansen and had that weird heel feud with Big Cat and Night Stalker. And I don't remember any kind of story to his becoming a Horsemen. Luger, Windham, and Sting all joined as part of angles. Sid got hurt as a Skyscraper and when he returned, there was just some stuff on commentary about the Horsemen going with youth so Sid was now a Horsemen. I'm not sure I've got the timeline straight but what would've been good is if Ole had said he stole Sid from Teddy Long because Sid's got the potential to be a future Horsemen. So Ole'd be managing Sid and the Minnesota Wrecking Crew II separate from the other 3 Horsemen but stealing Sid from Peanut Head would've added some additional fuel to the Doom/Horsemen feud and the MWCII could've been used as cannon fodder for Doom as well. Then turn Sid face cause he was already one of the most cheered guys in the company. Then the Horsemen fire Ole and bring in Harley Race for the JJ role and he brings Luger back to the Horsemen to capture the WHC from Sting. So your Four Horsemen are Arn, Windham, Flair, Luger, and manager Race and WCW's top faces would be Sting, the Steiners, and Sid Vicious.

Orndorff should've been Sting's first program. Legit main event draw and would've meshed well with Sting. Then you move him over to Luger for a body guy program. The table was set when he walked out of Sting's celebration but he kept walking right out of the promotion instead.

The women have a drawer in a shared road case for their makeup so placing it in a garbage bag is probably the safest way to ship it to them. People acting like they had fucking desks covered in family photos or something. It's lipstick, double-sided tape, and socks or some shit.