Antacular Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 You need to go out there and get some strange ass first before jumping right into another relationship. If you like this current girl, telling her "Yeah me and my wife are just starting the divorce process, you're my first one since her" will more likely than not scare her. Letting her know "Yeah me and my wife were separated for a while, dated other people, and realized it was time to finalize the divorce" will go over a lot better. Or you could just lie. The basis for every long lasting commitment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swift Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 I'm not commenting on your situation, Craig, but if that was me, I don't think I'd be jumping into a relationship so quickly. I'd take 6 months at least just to take stock of my life, and like Antacular said, I'd be looking for some fun before settling down again. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Craig H Posted February 17, 2014 Author Share Posted February 17, 2014 The thing is, I'm practically a serial monogamist. I've tried dating multiple women before and sleeping with multiple women and it's always difficult for me. I wind getting depressed and whatever. I haven't given up on dating multiple girls this time around, but this early on, this is the one I want to work. I'm also taking a different approach with this breakup and aftermath in that I'm writing a lot to reflect on my emotions and past, I'm seeing a therapist every other week (was every week), and I've opened up to friends and family to have a support system in place. My therapist has commented a couple times on how much I've changed for the better and how it seems like I'm over everything, which I am. I also know what the point of a rebound girl is, and I'm almost still looking for a rebound to just make this new woman work. It still may not and I'm cool with that. As for the waiting period, the way I see it, my wife shot our marriage dead and woke my ass up back on 9/11/13 when I discovered she cheated on me. It sounds weird, but it's the best thing she could have done. I've taken ownership of my life and what makes me happy for the first time in years. So while it hasn't been 6 months, it has been 5, and I'm ready to date again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marty Sugar Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 Speaking from experience, I don't think now is the time to be dating or looking for a relationship. Consciously or subconsciously, you're carrying a lot of emotional baggage right now and it wouldn't be fair to dump that in some new person's lap. Also, speaking from experience, most women on internet dating sights are crazy and will make your emotional baggage look like no bigger than a fanny pack. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ultimoDANK Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 Swear I'm not trying to be a dick but why bring all your drama to a wrestling message board? Can't IRL friends & family advice be enough? I know if this was me my IRL friends would eviscerate me if they found out I was bringing my personal problems to the same place I bring my thoughts on Monday Night Raw. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cole Miner Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 Swear I'm not trying to be a dick but why bring all your drama to a wrestling message board? Can't IRL friends & family advice be enough? I know if this was me my IRL friends would eviscerate me if they found out I was bringing my personal problems to the same place I bring my thoughts on Monday Night Raw. It isn't a bad idea to get feedback from people that are less likely to be biased due to not having an emotional connection to the people involved. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Craig H Posted February 17, 2014 Author Share Posted February 17, 2014 Swear I'm not trying to be a dick but why bring all your drama to a wrestling message board? Can't IRL friends & family advice be enough? I know if this was me my IRL friends would eviscerate me if they found out I was bringing my personal problems to the same place I bring my thoughts on Monday Night Raw.It isn't a bad idea to get feedback from people that are less likely to be biased due to not having an emotional connection to the people involved. That and this just isn't an internet wrestling board. As has been established by many of us here, we've all been together for long, long time. We have a Fuck You thread to vent about shit and for support. I'm not going to say we're all the best friends on here and whatever, but I've spoken with people on here for longer than some of my current friendships. If someone wants to look at this as just an internet wrestling board, then so be it, but it's more than that. And maybe I respect and appreciate the thoughts and opinions of the culturally diverse user base we have here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Craig H Posted February 17, 2014 Author Share Posted February 17, 2014 Plus the most feedback I get from friends is "fuck her! What a bitch! Get a lawyer and sue for everything" which isn't possible and the last thing I want. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bustronaut Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 I dunno Craig, given her actions, it seems like the thing to do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Craig H Posted February 17, 2014 Author Share Posted February 17, 2014 Haha, yeah, but I'm still appreciative. Now I think, would I really want to stay married to someone like that if they never cheated. Cautionary tale for you kids out there who haven't been married yet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ultimoDANK Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 I gotta say thinking about this thread and I did get a lil sad. I mean NONE of my exes are sending me naked pictures. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Craig H Posted February 17, 2014 Author Share Posted February 17, 2014 Are any of your exes tramps? OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.T. Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 It is cool that you are thinking about dating again. Just be straight with your potential dates. Most people hitting sites like Match or OKCupid are looking for relationships. If you're just looking for the occasional good time, you need to spell that out. Letting potentials know about Maya up front is also a good idea. No one wants that Bebe's Kids date where you've got some else's young 'uns in tow without warning. The six month rule is kinda bogus. If you're not an emotional cripple, you need to get back on the horse and re-learn how to relate to / communicate with / flirt with women in a social setting. If you're still somewhat fixated to or pining away for your old relationship (not necessarily the person per se), then do the ladies a favor and stay out of the dating pool. People who are in love with being in love are worse divorcees than people who were in love with their spouse. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Craig H Posted February 17, 2014 Author Share Posted February 17, 2014 Thanks JT. I know it's going to be different for everyone, but for me, I'm over it and want to move on. It's been long enough and when I look back, this thing has been a festering corpse for well before she even cheated on me. For my wife, I hope she can find happiness because I wasn't able to help her find it. My biggest concern for her is who she eventually introduces Maya too, but we've established some rules about that. For instance, while we're both here, we're not to be bringing over dates or whatever. My own rule for Maya is to date someone for a month before they even meet Maya and when they do meet her, it will be at a park, play area, or whatever. And I do want to seek out a new relationship, but now I don't even know what love is, which may be for the best. I know what the love for my daughter is, and I know that is for the best. It's allowing me to prioritize things. It also just isn't that much fun for me to be a serial dater. I just don't want to get fooled again, like I did with my wife. At least I'm smarter and stronger this time around, knowing to bail early instead of hoping for shit to magically fix itself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fat Spanish Waiter Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 As someone who has never married or divorced anyone I would suggest the following: Disregard females Acquire currency 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Craig H Posted February 17, 2014 Author Share Posted February 17, 2014 Kind of in the process of doing so. I know finances was something I brought up earlier and I'm sticking with Dave Ramsey. I'm actually halfway towards building my $1000 emergency fund. Once I sell some Magic cards, I'll have another $500 to $1000 to add to that (anyone want to buy a set of Dark Confidants?). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MADCAP Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 It is cool that you are thinking about dating again. Just be straight with your potential dates. Most people hitting sites like Match or OKCupid are looking for relationships. If you're just looking for the occasional good time, you need to spell that out. Letting potentials know about Maya up front is also a good idea. No one wants that Bebe's Kids date where you've got some else's young 'uns in tow without warning. THIS is the only "rule" I have with my daughters mother: DO NOT bring her around any men you date unless it looks like you're gonna settle down with the guy. My kid doesn't need to be confused plus, with my daughter being autistic and can't really verbalize if someone does something to her, I'm not playing that shit. At all. On the same token, I don't bring any women around Bree, even though they want to meet her so bad, I still respect her mom as her mom and won't be a hypocrite about it. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Craig H Posted February 17, 2014 Author Share Posted February 17, 2014 Yep. Much respect to moms that aren't batshit crazy. I already established that my daughter doesn't need a new mommy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.T. Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 Yeah, my kid doesn't need a new mom, but I still want my daughter to respect the authority of the woman that is 95% certain to be my new wife. I don't want my kid to get the second class citizen stepchild treatment from my GF and I don't want my kid to think that she can bull my GF around by trying to influence me. My ex-wife started dating before I did. Fine by me because it helped my daughter see that her mom and I were moving on with our lives. My GF has had her rough patches with my daughter, but she is remarkably inclusive. My GF and I are planning to get a townhouse together and my GF wants to give my kid the authority to design her own room, paint and all. GF is a smart lady. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MADCAP Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 In this case, it really is a "my way or the highway" type of deal. I gave up alot when we split, including losing time with my daughter, but I'll never lose my title as her father. When I told her, I wasn't asking, but I'm pretty sure I'm much more aggressive than you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.T. Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 In this case, it really is a "my way or the highway" type of deal. I gave up alot when we split, including losing time with my daughter, but I'll never lose my title as her father. When I told her, I wasn't asking, but I'm pretty sure I'm much more aggressive than you. I was a tad more crafty. It is in our divorce decree that if my ex and her pending husband want to adopt my daughter and void my parental rights, they have to buy me out by paying lump sum of my remaining child support figure. It is also in my will that if I have enough assets to establish an estate, my family will administrate the estate in trust until my daughter turns 21. My ex will not live ghetto fabulous off of my life insurance or the proceeds from the sale of my possessions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MADCAP Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 That was pretty crafty. I'm just a meandering brute who uses fear to get a point across, my ex knows that my daughter is the only person on this whole stinking planet that I have truly unconditional love for, so if she would be stupid enough to try and take her from me or try to get me removed from her life, she already knows I'll be on a scorched earth mission. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.T. Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 Oh, I think my ex knows I'll burn the city down over my kid. We have also seen children play one divorced parent off on another, so we both know that it will still take our combined influence to keep our child well adjusted. I think the roughest lesson for married people with kids to learn is that there is no such thing as closure when there are children involved. You will still have to come to respectful terms with your ex when it comes to raising the kids, even if you can't stand the sight of your former spouse.. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Craig H Posted February 17, 2014 Author Share Posted February 17, 2014 I'm learning that now and hoping the next 14 years go by quickly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Ape Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 Christ, all this stuff about being crafty in divorce and sneaking legal language into the decrees reminds me why my wife and I agreed that if things ever go to hell between us, we have a pistol duel at ten paces and whoever's alive afterwards gets everything. My parents divorced when I was very young (so young I don't remember it), but I remember tensions between them over my upbringing and the like. The thought of going into that with my wife frightens me. I don't know how you guys do it. Kudos. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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