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Everything posted by BEN!

  1. JAMIE DUNDEE! Picture if you will, suburban Chicago, a Wednesday night in February, STRAIGHT EDGE PRO presents BEACH BASH. No chairs, the fans are sitting on the floor crisscross apple saucing it up. No alcohol sales, only ice cream. It's time for the main event, EVERYBODY HERE COMES TOO COLD SCORPIO . "Whoomp there it is! Whoomp there it is!" "Get off the desk, Rob Naylor!" "This is my jam, Dave Prazak!" "Hey, Too Cold's coming over here." "Y'all crackers is crazy, man. Beach Bash in February. I had to park eight blocks away and take an Uber uphill in the snow to get here. You know what I'm bout to do, little man?" "You gonna step, Too Cold?" "That's right, I'm bout to step my black-ass somewhere warm. Deuces." "Everybody there goes Too Cold Scorpio and here comes his scheduled opponent, CM Punk along with Ace Steel." "Too Cold's not too cold. He's just mad that I wouldn't let him warm up by smoking the devil's lettuce. Oh, you people like the marijuana don't you? I bet you do cause I know you like the alcohol too cause I've been hearing the complaints all night about there not being any beer for sale. I got you ice cream. Delicious and affordably priced $12 ice cream bars. I don't smoke, I don't drink, and I don't do drugs cause I'm straight edge and that means I'm better than you." "Uh-oh, we got a guy in an orange prison jumpsuit jumping the rail!" "Is that Nailz? He looks terrible." "No, worse. It's Jamie Dundee, maaan." "I heard some shit was going down in Chicago so I had to leave lockup to check it out and all I see is an ice cream social happening. Let me get this straight, you don't smoke, don't drink, don't do no drugs? Good. More for me, motherfucker, ahahahaha!" "Ace Steel's baring his teeth and taking off after Jamie Dundee, around and around the ring they go, Dundee just rolled under the ring, Ace is following him, Jamie's on the other side and he's got some cables and he's leashed Ace Steel. He's choking him out and...look in the ring! From behind Wolfie D just hit Punk in the head with a hubcap." "The Cyberpunks are the only punks that ever mattered in rasslin', you punk bitch!" "P to the G plus the 1 and the 3, I'm JC Ice and he's Wolfie D and PG-13 is back and can't nobody stop us!" "Look who's coming out, it's Chris Hero and we're desperately out of time. We'll see you next month for Straight Edge Pro 2: The Battle For Some Belts."
  2. If you have Rock for WrestleMania then Reigns should beat him. Cody can win MITB and announce he's cashing in at a future MSG show. If you don't have Rock then I'd go Breakker over Reigns. I don't trust Cody Rhodes to not talk himself under between the Rumble and WrestleMania. Breakker just barks and you can bring in Scott Steiner to call Heyman a fatass and the rest of the Bloodline: Tweedle Dee, Tweedle Dumb, Tweedle Dumber, and Honorary Tweedle Dumbass. They should probably start that push now though. I would've gone Bloodline vs. a hoss super team of McIntyre, Sheamus, Lashley, Breakker, and Goldberg for War Games. Goldberg in last, spears an Uso, spears another Uso, Reigns spears Goldberg, Breakker spears Reigns, Zayn and Jey cut him off and Sami messes up and hits Jey with a nightstick (or some kind of tribal roodypoo stick [Ucey Staff] they can bring back later for the big split) and Breakker submits Jey. Reigns gets a notch in the loss column for the first time in a couple of years and blames Jey. Sami and Sikoa go to NXT and cost Breakker the NXT Title to Theory, I guess. Reigns praises Sami and tells Jey to step up. Jey declares for the Rumble. Jey number 1, Rollins 2. Cody like 7 and eliminates Rollins and himself and they brawl to the back. Parade of hosses enter: Mahal, Holland, Moss, Shanky, Festus, Omos, whoever they got in the hossweight category. Breakker enters and starts shitcanning those big guys left and right. Strowman in at 30. Final four of Strowman, Sami, Jey, and Breakker. Sami screws up again and hits Jey, maybe not accidentally this time. Breakker eliminates Jey, Strowman tosses Sami. Breakker hosses Strowman over to win. WM night 1 opens with Sikoa winning the Andre Battle Royal and closes with Austin beating Sami with a giant mouse trap. Night 2 opens with Usos successfully defending the tag title and closes with Brekker beating Reigns for the title. Bloodline split begins with Reigns MIA, Jey snaps and beats Sami down with the stick. Eventually Reigns returns to help Sami and they beat the Usos for the tag titles.
  3. It's certainly more succinct than "Teams of five awkwardly stand around in a scrum waiting for someone to jump on them from off the top of the cage because Triple H doesn't understand War Games."
  4. When's the last time someone actually bladed on WWE TV? Not PPV, not busted open hardway, just zipped themselves on TV? The general public thinks all pro wrestling is just WWE and since WWE's aiming for another big TV rights deal, they probably don't won't to be confused with AEW's blood and guts.
  5. Young Boy Tom is a good get. I forgot he was even available. I'm so far behind, I'm working through shows where fans are just returning. I'm surprised by how many women and children are in the crowd. This Edwards/Morrissey match at Homecoming has one side of the crowd filled with kids losing their minds for Edwards. I've never seen little kids reach through the guardrails to try to pick their guy up off the floor before. I swear they called an audible and changed the finish because of the way these kids were reacting. Eddie Edwards is for the kids. I don't know who the intergender stuff is for. It's not over at all. I once heard Kenny Omega's promos described as if an alien were mimicking human communication. That was a generous description. IMPACT's been a real generous partner with the forbidden door stuff. A little too generous, really. I got no use for babyface Cardona and sober Chelsea Green. Get 'em both sloshed, already. They should bring in Johnny Curtis and put him with Swinger and have him do the original gimmick they brought Swinger in to do. Especially, since they can probably pay it off now. The Influence should call themselves the Interim Knockouts Tag Team Champions. They should bring in The Allure and have a 3-way mean girl tag team feud. I jumped ahead to 1984 and Throwback Throwdown II. Nowhere near as good as the first. I don't feel good about this company's chances of stopping Junior's expansion. I can't believe they did this live and thought 3 hours was a good idea. Way too much Sex Ferguson and the Talk'n Shop crew. The Talk'n Shop stuff has a real short shelf-life. S.T.O.M.P. In Paradise doesn't make any sense without the action figure context and doesn't work when they've got 90s water guns in 1984. This needed more wacky eighties music videos and backstage promos. Morrissey should've been Bill Ding, Jr. He could've worn his regular gear. Some of these guys should maybe just stick with these gimmicks. Larry D as Badlands Bart. Rohit Raju as Quincy Cosmos looked like a star. Ladybird running her opponent into her love tunnel and mouthing off at the crowd is more fun than Havok in Decay. Scovelli, Sr.'s a hell of a promo. I wish he were running IMPACT.
  6. I need this show to open with Vince making Austin Theory do the Rumble entrant rundown. VKM: [hands Theory sheet] Read this. AT: [moves lips] VKM: Out loud. AT: Oh, right. The entrants for this year's men's Royal Rumble are AJ Styles, Madcap Moss... VKM: Do it with more gusto! AT: Omos! Montez Ford! Otis! Austin Theory! Hey, some guy stole my name. VKM: It's you, you moron. Keep going. AT: Johnny ca...ca...knock... VKM: Knoxville, jackass. AT: Kofi Kingston! VKM: LOUDER! AT: JEY USO! VKM: THAT'S IT! MORE! AT: JIMMY USO! VKM: MORE! AT: I don't know any more Usos. VKM: Gah, give me that. You want something done right, you gotta do it yourself. The entrants for this year's women's Royal Rumble are the SmackDown Women's Champion Charlotte Flair! Natayla! Carmella! Queen Zelina! So nice they named her twice, Kelly Kelly! Returning to take out the trash and make an impact, Mickie James! Taaa Meeen Aah Snuuuka! Brie Bella! Nikki Bella! AT: JIMMY USO! VKM: What are you doing? AT: I thought we were naming twins. VKM: What time is it? AT: Eight o... VKM: IT'S TIME TO RUMBLE! IT'S TIME FOR THE ROYAL RUMBLE!!!
  7. Survivor Series has always sucked. People just thought it was important because it was one of the original four PPVs. The only redeeming quality has been the bizarre teams of jacked to the gills geeked-out of their gourds maniacs, warriors, giants, birdmen, hillbillies, and snakemen gathering together to do promos for that one special time of year when they can all unite in their shared interests of SURVIVAL and COCAINE! TEAMS OF FIVE STRIVE TO SURVIVE! CRANK UP THE 'COCK AND CRANK UP THE SAX!! IT'S TIME FOR THE SURVIVOR SERIES!!![/COKED-UP VINCE] https://youtu.be/f9FR3obcdLA
  8. Hawk was on the babyface team in the print ads so Animal was probably already booked too. Harlem Heat were pictured draped in chains too so their TV build probably got dropped with the gimmick change. The entirety of the War Games build seemed to be entirely on that one Flair For The Gold segment.
  9. There's still plenty of money matches/programs they can drop the ball on. Reigns vs. Goldberg/Rock/Jeff Hardy/babyface AJ Styles/babyface Santos Escobar/Swerve/Bron Breakker. If they could get out of their boring WrestleMania formula they could main event night one with New Day vs. Bloodline. Brock vs. Lashley/Bron Breakker. I also want to see him against Otis and Ivar but they're not going to use him against either of them. Viking Experience vs. Alpha Experience would be fun too. No. I do want Lio Rush to bring in Keith Lee, Kemonito, and Microman as his new associates. They all wear top hats and tux tails and Keith "Fatcat" Lee, Al Lush, and Micro The Main Man just strut out to interrupt promos and then strut off to commercial. No matches necessary.
  10. Arn's podcast kind of devolved back into a 'Conrad reads results' show but they play his promos so it's like a JCP Arn promo compilation. And sometimes you get something like, "I clearly misspoke there, I meant to say I was imbued not inbred." Jarrett's show is very good. It makes sense that someone that's survived politically like him would understand how to thread the needle just right to indulge Conrad in his usual podcast bullshit while still being able to produce something of value. Angle's is surprisingly good too. The John du Pont episode is amazing cause I didn't know anything about him other than killing Dave Schultz (not Dr. D). The stuff he was doing was hilarious until he started pointing guns at people. "Back then we didn't know about mental health, you were either crazy or you weren't." John du Pont was crazy. I think just watching the actual JCP shows is a better use of time than bothering with Schiavone's podcast about them.
  11. Really, WWE going from FOX to FS1 and keeping half of their audience is more impressive than AEW retaining their 49-year old male demo. FS1, TBS, and FOX aren't really even comparable networks unlike TNT and USA. That's why Vince ripped Triple H's heart out cause he got decimated in an even fight. If AEW really wanted to do something then they should try to get some kind of special on TNT or TBS, head to head against Raw during football season.
  12. I know he did because I remember him standing in the background wearing his tux looking like redneck Lurch but it never really seemed like Sid interacted much with the rest of the Horsemen. He was doing tag matches with Hansen and had that weird heel feud with Big Cat and Night Stalker. And I don't remember any kind of story to his becoming a Horsemen. Luger, Windham, and Sting all joined as part of angles. Sid got hurt as a Skyscraper and when he returned, there was just some stuff on commentary about the Horsemen going with youth so Sid was now a Horsemen. I'm not sure I've got the timeline straight but what would've been good is if Ole had said he stole Sid from Teddy Long because Sid's got the potential to be a future Horsemen. So Ole'd be managing Sid and the Minnesota Wrecking Crew II separate from the other 3 Horsemen but stealing Sid from Peanut Head would've added some additional fuel to the Doom/Horsemen feud and the MWCII could've been used as cannon fodder for Doom as well. Then turn Sid face cause he was already one of the most cheered guys in the company. Then the Horsemen fire Ole and bring in Harley Race for the JJ role and he brings Luger back to the Horsemen to capture the WHC from Sting. So your Four Horsemen are Arn, Windham, Flair, Luger, and manager Race and WCW's top faces would be Sting, the Steiners, and Sid Vicious.
  13. Orndorff should've been Sting's first program. Legit main event draw and would've meshed well with Sting. Then you move him over to Luger for a body guy program. The table was set when he walked out of Sting's celebration but he kept walking right out of the promotion instead.
  14. The women have a drawer in a shared road case for their makeup so placing it in a garbage bag is probably the safest way to ship it to them. People acting like they had fucking desks covered in family photos or something. It's lipstick, double-sided tape, and socks or some shit.
  15. The DX invasion wasn't live. It was taped in the afternoon.
  16. I think every wrestling company really wasted an opportunity to try new things during the pandemic. Yeah, IMPACT had Wrestle House but that was just corny hokum. Instead of running interesting angles, it's just endless cold matches everywhere. WWE has spent years doing everything they could to get out of the ring and when they were given a good reason to, it's felt like more in-ring time than ever. And even if the matches aren't as long as they seem, it's because there's no reason for them to be without any angles. At least give me some kind of promos, like give me Wardlow sticking a jabrone's head up his own ass in a minute followed by a Pinnacle promo where everyone gets some personality over or Jey Uso shit talking and mollywhopping someone in a couple of minutes followed by Reigns and Heyman holding court. People who needed to work on their promos could've done so without crowds "WHAT"-ing them to death but nope. WWE's just unwatchable and not necessarily because of the creative but there's just too much visual stimulation. There's just bright lights everywhere and the cameras are switching and panning and zooming in and out. I'm surprised there aren't any reports of people having seizures watching WWE. I really liked their WrestleMania set-up last year and then they just kept adding more shit. AEW really benefited from no fans cause I felt like their live crowds were on the verge of turning on them before the pandemic. You really expect me to believe that Brodie Lee dressed like Repo Man and acting like Vince McMahon leading the Dork Order was going to be a crowd-pleaser. Or Matt Hardy being Broken again wasn't going to get played out as fast as it did even without fans. So funny to hear "Hangman sucks" chants and the Dark Order getting booed at Revolution. It isn't the violence that turns off female fans, it's all the dork-ass nerds. Matt Sydal got a shot at the AEW Champion because he kicked a man whose pants were down around his ankles. Can't wait to never watch AEW Dark Elevation after seeing that highlight. IMPACT's big cuck energy is a real turn-off. "A champion from another company is here, it's unprecedented, forbidden door, blah, blah." This is a company that's had the IWGP Heavyweight Champion, the GHC Heavyweight Champion, the AAA Mega Champion, the reigning WWE Intercontinental Champion all appear on their programming before. "Oh, Kenny Omega's the best in the world." They had AJ Styles for a decade. They've had Liger, Muta, Sting, Flair, Savage, Hogan; the goddamned Rock did Ken Shamrock's HOF induction and you expect me to care about this dweeb. And they've got the TnT boys shit talking them during their own show and telling their audience to tune in the next night for a better wrestling show. You got a roster full of guys who go out to murder each other in the woods and they're all just sitting back and taking shit from a fat guy who looks like he just woke up from under a park bench and a nervous guy who looks like he got hopped up on sugar to brave the camera. And they keep moving Impact away from any competition. Defend your night, you cowards!
  17. You must have rocks in your head, baby. Fridge's Starting Lineup figure was never produced but Mongo was, baby! And lemme tell ya something sports fans, that squirmy worm Dennis Rodman got a bunch of figures too, baby. Piper and Rock also have GI Joes. Batista has MCU figures. Sheamus in TMNT. Bret Hart in The Simpsons. Mr. T had a large talking solo release as well as Rocky and A-Team figures all out at pretty much the same time in the 80s but just recently got a WWE figure. Hogan and Michael Buffer have Rocky figures too. I wouldn't necessarily call Rocky a major toyline but Hogan and T were big deals at the time. There's some UFC crossovers as well but again, I wouldn't necessarily classify UFC as a major toyline.
  18. https://twitter.com/MajorWFPod/status/1354474653188816897 https://twitter.com/TheZombieSailor/status/1356290521002614787 https://twitter.com/MajorWFPod/status/1353884636187942919 They got the original Hasbro designer to do the turnarounds so they look a lot nicer than the Nick Aldis figure.
  19. Wrestling fans are going to remember 2020 for empty arena shows due to the pandemic. That's fine but don't ever forget that 2020 was the year every company had groups of dark-clad cannon fodder mystery men running around. AEW with The Dark Order. IMPACT had EC3's followers. MLW with masked Contra soldiers. WWE with Tozawa's ninjas, Retribution, and the pre-Legado Del Fantasma in the most dangerous place in professional wrestling: the Orlando parking lot.
  20. Jake Crist is officially gone. He hasn't been around for months though. Ethan Page is most likely gone as well. Not Josh Alexander though. A Josh Alexander singles run could be pretty good. I've found IMPACT to be hard to watch since like BFG last year. You had Joey Ryan's dick stuff, then the pandemic, then other guys' dick stuff, losing Tessa Blanchard without getting her to drop the World Title, building Slammiversary around debuting fired WWE guys, and now they're all about AEW. And the corn to serious ratio has just been way out of whack for a while now. I like the pandemic Impact Zone a lot though. I could live without the constantly flashing screen and I don't understand why anyone has guardrails without fans but I like the tightness of the room. I liked AEW at the Nightmare Factory too. I saw some clips of ROH's setup and I like the screens but the room's way too big.
  21. TV ratings don't matter until sweeps. I doubt FOX or USA are that disappointed in the ratings considering WWE gives them consistent weekly live programming whereas if they were dependent on scripted taped programming, they'd be screwed due to the pandemic. It works for me on a Windows 10 device without disabling. Try disabling cosmetic filtering on AdBlock. In-office staff is limited with a lot of people working from home. I don't think they can digitize the video library from home.
  22. Jim Ross has made millions and helped others make millions so for anyone to disregard him and make fun of him when he's trying to help them is incredibly arrogant. It's not like he's cursing at them and telling them to kill themselves like Cornette does. Guys like Ross, Tom Prichard, and Les Thatcher are legitimately trying to help guys be better at their chosen profession. It doesn't matter if you disagree with his assessment, they should just be thankful for him giving them some of his knowledge and increasingly limited time. Also, that's a bold move by The Young Bucks' errand boy. Publicly sassing off to Khan's senior advisor after they just signed a high-priced free agent and it's been stated that there's bound to be some cuts next year.
  23. https://www.thewatchcartoononline.tv/anime/muscleman-english-subbed Fan-subs of the first 86 episodes. I always wondered how Mattel would've edited it to get it to make sense to an American audience cause the main toy-line villain doesn't show up for quite a while. Also, cause it's weird as shit and maybe not all that appropriate for children in the 80s. The sequel series Ultimate Muscle was officially dubbed into English. The voice work and dialogue is awful though.
  24. Jake Roberts is right there if you really want a mouthpiece for Abadon. I don't know if she's tall enough to help him put his jacket on though. Big Swole's problem is all the posturing. I think it throws both her and her opponent's timing off. You don't have to pose and dance after every strike. Baker's so much better post-injury cause she seems to be keeping the match in a box so she looks more effective than when she would slowly run the ropes with no urgency.
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