DEATH VALLEY DRIVERETTE- 02242016! YUJI HINO~! HIROSHI YAMATO~!

[DEAN]

WELCOME TO YOUR DEATH VALLEY DRIVERETTE~! for 02232016!

 

DDT DNA 13- 1/8/2016

[RASMUSSEN]

 

DNA is to DDT what NXT is to WWE.  Except my son doesn't watch fifteen hours of DDT and NXT a week.  Sometimes, these are really good.  Other times not so much.  This one does not have the actually perfectly fine Tigger Bed Scene, so this is totally for the furthering of the art of reviewing of pro wrestling.  As "DNA" is to wrestling reviews what "drummer's solo record" is to music reviews. 

 

DAI SUZUKI vs DAICHI KAZATO: It doesn't seem fair to expect much from a DNA opening match, but DDT itself posted this to the internet and decided this was a fair representation of the DNA roster.  Plus I have reviewed the opening matches from GUTS World and Pro Wrestling Heat Up recently, and I don't remember either of those matches making me want to drive my mini-van off a bridge- so bring it, you punks.  I'm taking the time to watch you; you put in the effort to make me give a shit about you and your stupid burgeoning wrestling career. Checking the cagematch.net, Kazato has been wrestling for five years and wrestled for Pro Wrestling Heat Up five times last year. Shooter boy Kotaru Nasu beat on him for 15 minutes in September of last year, the last time Kazato made the PWHU scene.  He was trained by Omori.  This was his 98th match, which is kinda low for a fifth year guy.  My guess is that he is now running a warehouse, after being forklift boy for three years- thus eating into to wrestling time.  Dai Suzuki is a DDT rookie and this was his 27 match.  This will be his year to get stomped to death by Kamitani and Hama in a Big Japan opening match, one would think.  Pre-match they hug so I am already losing my love for this, the opening DNA match. They do some headlocks and wrist locks and they scream a lot.  They trade lowgrade forearms and Kazato hits a mid-grade European uppercut.  Kazato does a lot of pin attempts and hits a couple of Better Than Brian Lee elbow drops.  Suzuki tries to chop back to offence but becomes victim of a very nice half crab.  Suzuki simpers a lot before hitting the ropes.  Suzuki climbs Kazato erotically from the floor into body slam position but Kazato sandbags him and uses a forearm to drive him to the mat.  Kazato taunts his lack of fighting spirit.  Suzuki lays the forearms in a bit, though they still suck- all to procure the AIRPLANE SPIN!  I wasn't expecting that.  Kazato hits a dropkick to TRANSITION~! back to offense, allowing him to enziguiri and then hit a missile dropkick off the top. Suzuki catches a kick to the face but fires back with an oh so very rookie lariat and sinks in an Octapus Hold for a few seconds.  Kazato hits a really average enzuguiri and then hits a lariat and a move that I didn't know the name of.  THEN my son informs me that it was a Bray Wyatt's Sister Abigail.  So there you go.  Let us count the reasons I am glad to have seen this match: 

1.) Airplane Spin

2.) Got to use a Brian Lee Had The Shittiest Elbow Drops joke.

3.) Me n my son bond over him knowing something about wrestling that I didn't.  

So there you go.  I can't imagine any reason for you, the gentle reader, to watch this match.

 

 

KOUKI IWASAKI vs MIZUKI WATASE: Coming up

GUANCHULO/ SHUNMA KATSUMATA: Coming up

SHUJI ISHIKAWA/ ZEUS vs KAZUSADA HIGUCHI/ SUGURU MIYATAKE: Coming up

KOTA UMEDA vs KONOSUKE TAKESHITA: Coming up

 

~!~

Just for you, here's a love song

And it makes meSINGLES GOING STEADYglad to say

It's been a lovely day and it's okay

~!~

 

HIROSHI YAMATO vs DAIKI INABA- WRESTLE-1- 2/10/16- [RASMUSSEN]:  I have decided to follow Hiroshi Yamato, the Wrestle-1 cruiserweight champion.  The main reason is because he is 32 and looks like he is 57.  You gotta respect a guy who will embrace his premature grayness.  I think I reviewed one of his matches a while back. Looking at his match list on cagematch.net, first I note that I really have not seen any of the guys in the Wrestle-1 cruiserweight division other than Andy Wu, and that the match I watched was Yamato getting crushed by Hama a few weeks ago.  Fun facts: he had over 500 matches in All Japan in his first 6 years and has wrestled 80ish matches a year since jumping to Wrestle-1 3 years ago. He was stomped on by Yuji Okabayashi in a Big Japan midcard match last May.  Daiki Inaba has been wrestling since May 2013, has never wrestled on a Big Japan undercard or done anything strange or interesting.  Perhaps he is a good wrestler. (Aftermatch note: Yeah, he's good.)  Let us find out. Inaba is two inches shorter but thicker than the 5'10" Yamato and they start off with spinny, twirly RINGS NETWORK-styled takedowns before getting straight to punching each other in the face.  Inaba lays in the chops and then Yamato lays in the chops!  YEAAA!  I LIKE WRESTLING! Yamato CRAVATES~1 to facilitate knees to the face and YOU rejoice!  Then they do this very odd double rope run standing trust fall spot into an Inaba sleeper.  I swear to God, I think they just did that spot because they knew that no one would actually watch this match. I can't quite get my head around it.  Inaba stomps on Yamato after he makes the ropes and stomps on him outside of the ring all the way into the ring and then crushes him with a few SWEET running elbows to the corner. Inaba has a really nice looking offense and emphasizes this by hitting a quality brainbuster.  They make with the standing switches and do a really odd rope running sequence before Inaba hits a shoulderblock and a really nice Fisherman Suplex with a bridge.  These guys are really strange.  IT's like JAZZ!  They do really good components of a pretty high end junior heavyweight match and then they throw in something that I have never seen in my 46 years of wrestling watching.  It's not gigantically ludicrous or retarded, just odd- the trustfall thing; the crazy running of the ropes- like they wanted to re-invent little teeny parts of wrestling.  Inaba procures the Octapus Hold and tries to morph it into a Tombstone but Yamato fights out, runs the ropes and does a backwards in-ring tope like Stuka Jr does off the toprope to the floor.  It's very odd.  I have to give this match a million stars after five minutes because it has baffled me 3 times. Yamato hits a nice forearm to the teeth and they run the ropes again to allow Yamato to hit a fucking 3/4s legit Spear that moves right into a Northern Lights Suplex and a fucking REALLY nasty running shoulderblock into the corner.  For two guys I've vaguely heard of, they both have really world class offenses.  They battle for top of the tunrbuckle supremacy a bit longer than most would until Inaba hits the toprope Brainbuster and applies the Russian Legsweep after a series of elbows to the back of the head.  Inaba comes off the top with a splash but Yamato gets his feet up and Inaba leans into it to the point that his head jerks back in an impossible way.  Inaba is becoming god-like.  Yamato has REALLY sweet forearms to the face.  He should just cut out all of the rest of his MOVESET~! and just crush people's skulls because it looks really great. Inaba does a strange foray into double axe-handles as an offensive and defensive weapon.  This match is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay more challenging that I figured it would be.  Fuck it.  Yamato is an existential figure that we all need to follow his career.  He represents regret and failure and also hope and redemption.  You want him to win because you want to win.  You have taken his journey and you are inspired by his fighting spirit- as he is burning with fighting spirit while a lesser man goes home and weeds the garden!   He murders Inaba with released Capture Suplexes. Inaba tries to use driving elbows to the face to get back on offense but Yamato cuts him off with a Capture Suplex that he morphs into a lower angle chokeslam and then he does it again!  For two!  Inaba is broken beaten man as he tries to fight off the finish by grabbing the ropes.  Yamato gets him in the Chicken Fight position, stands on the second rope and dives backwards in the trustfall/Stuka Jr manner and SUDDENLY IT ALL MAKES SENSE.  For two.  So he hits the Stuka Jr no look plancha off the toprope to the middle of the ring and then follows up with an some kind of OVERHAND Michinoku Driver for the win.   FUCKING AWESOME.  That was fuckin weird. And great.  And weird.  And great.      

http://rutube.ru/video/dcbee01bd758c9e3143ecd4fe5dc7d01

 

YUJI HINO vs MINORU TANAKA- WRESTLE-1- 2/10/16- [RASMUSSEN]: I love Hino.  I haven't liked a Minory Tanaka match since the days of BattlARTS when Shoichi Funaki would carry him to a good match.  I'm sure there were other matches I liked but I would probably not want to go back and revisit them.  Here, can Hino beat a good match out of the listless and lethargic Tanaka? One way to find out.  I do love Hino but it seems odd to put your belt on him- not that I care one way or the other.  I'm not your mom, Wrestle-1 championship commitee.  Do whatever you want.  Tanaka starts by kicking him really hard a few times so this is already better than the last ten Tanaka matches I've seen.  Hino crushes Minoru's chest with a chop and this is starting well.  Hino is one of the better wrestlers because he demands a really deliberate pacing. Instead of mauling Tanaka with chops, he builds up to the chop and allows Tanaka to sell it- conveying the pain with his face instead of making the viewer add it all up in his mind if it is all chops and no selling.  The methodical sold chops are just as hurty looking so this the best of both worlds.  Tanaka is leaning into Hino's offense like a champ, taking the RELEASED SOMOAN DROP~! with a thud.  It's really effective, four chops, one chinlock and the Samoan Drop is enough to look like Hino has murdered him because of the psychological set-up of the move.  Psychology is what keeps you from getting ten concussions sometimes.  Tanaka goes on offense by hitting a TRULY nasty dropkick to the knee when Hino comes off the ropes.  He runs and totally smashes Hino's knee in the corner and then drop kicks him out of the ring- and this is odd because when reviewing the Marufuji/Nakajima vs Sugiura/Suzuki match, the weakest moves in the match are the dropkicks by Marufuji and Nakajima compared to the truly hellish chops and forearms of Suzuki and Sugiura.  Here, two really vicious dropkicks by Tanaka are more hurty looking than chops by frickin HINO- who can hang without about anyone in the stiffness arena.  Tanaka embraces his juniorness and lands a perfectly fine plancha off the corner to the floor.  Tanaka stomps Hino's knee as he tries to get in the ring and THUS, we have the story of the match!  Tanaka will try to break Hino's knee while Hino just tries to generally kill Tanaka.  Hino fires back with a Released Belly to Belly Suplex and run directly into two dropkicks and several stomps to the knee, several kneepunts and a halfspin into a kneebar!  Hino, being beloved, fights out be just fucking crushing Tanaka's chest A LOT.  Man, it is some nastiness.  (Hino is also disregarding all the effort that Tanaka has done to establish the fact that he has been just totally fucking up Hino's knee the whole match.  Who knows?  Maybe it will dawn on him at some point.  Maybe a bone will stick out of his thigh or something.) Hino takes a(n) hilarious eternity to make it to the tope rope.  Tanaka kikcks him the head and Supersplexes and stomps him from the top and goes back into the knee bar- not realizing that Hino has some kind of steel knee joints er sumthin.  Tanaka kicks the knee and then succumbs to another Hino Released Capture suplex. Hino hits a thoroughly grody corner lariat before hitting a legit Samoan Drop before rushing up to the top to hit a COMPLETE fat boy Frog Splash that just fucking crushes Tanaka who somehow kicks out.  Tanaka fights out of the finisher by hitting three really nice kicks to Hino's head and then stomping him from the top rope- which never looks that impressive to we older folk who remember Hikari Fukuoka and her truly fucked up moonsault stomp.  Nothing ever could compare to the sheer terror of that move.  Tanaka gets a two count and they lay around and sell stuff.  Tanaka kicks to the head and Hino lariats and they lay around a little more.  Hino charges the corner to get kicked in the face but then kinda punches Tanaka in the throat and then Tanaka fights out of powerbomb to sink in his third kneebar.  Hino sells the knee like he remembered all the stuff from before and they drag out the knee bar for a while and it is suitably dramatic when Hino hits the ropes.  Tanaka kicks the fudge out of Hino's knee in the corner and Hino actually sells it while flipping off Tanaka and taking a few more kicks to the knee.  Tanaka goes for the fourth knee bar but Hino powers out into an EVEREST German!  Tanaka goes back to kicking the knee and Hino fights back with savage chops to the chest and they both start flipping each other off and this suddenly went from problematically entertaining to actively good. Yeah, this gets all mega-stiff and harrowing by the end.  Hino finally gets in a Powerbomb and then nastier powerbomb and HINO RETAINS!  This was really fun by the end.  Minoru Tanaka should definitely quit half-assing it being the fourth best guy in six man tags and do more matches like this.  Hino is not a perfect wrestler, but he is a very stiff working wrestler who will remember the sell the knee before you can get too annoyed by it.            

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x3tl768_yuji-hino-vs-minoru-tanaka-in-w-1-on-2-10-16_sport

 

 

 

Tomorrow:

KATSUYORI SHIBATA vs TOMOHIRO ISHII- NEW JAPAN PRO WRESTLING- 2/11/2016- [RASMUSSEN]:

hxttp://www.dailymotion.com/video/x3s2257_katsuyori-shibata-c-vs-tomohiro-ishii-2-11-2016-niigata_sport

 

DDT DNA 13- 1/8/2016

[RASMUSSEN]

 

KOUKI IWASAKI vs MIZUKI WATASE:

httxps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CHAyHgPkhZU&list=WL&index=16

 

GUANCHULO/ SHUNMA KATSUMATA:

 

SHUJI ISHIKAWA/ ZEUS vs KAZUSADA HIGUCHI/ SUGURU MIYATAKE

httpxs://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nNRPA8QDqlM&list=WL&index=13

KOTA UMEDA vs KONOSUKE TAKESHITA:

 

htxtps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vXJDXOBdymY&list=WL&index=14

 

LUDARK SHAITAN/ CASANDRA vs FELINA METALIKA/ HAHASTARY- PROMOCIONES HUMO ESTRELLAS FEMENILES- 7/26/2015- [RASMUSSEN]:

hxttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zD_DDOdNdwc

 

LUDARK SHAITAN/ DIVA SALVAJE/ ROSY MORENO vs GUERRERA GONZALEZ/ CHICA YEYE/ LADY APACHE- FED- 2/14/2016- [RASMUSSEN]:

hxttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zjuh8epYx98

 

Quimera y Ludark vs Reina Dorada e India Sioux:

htxtps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-awxQJOERHI

 

2015/11/11DNA11 Tigger Bedscene vs Dai Suzuki

hxttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yjiPzw5XZgs

10/12/2015

hxttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v933xMP_pEQ&list=WL&index=3

 

X-Fly, El Pantera y Pagano vs Hijo de La Park, Mascara Sagrada y L.A. Park

hxttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jMK6KRslB5o

 

[Curt McGirt]

I'm so down to force Will to make another yearly best-of comp of all these matches, if I can afford it. Take in mind I'm pretty much a charity case until I get a second job right now, but I'm still down. And Dean, if you don't review that Ishii match before it gets pulled from Dailymotion...

[DEAN]

I'm so down to force Will to make another yearly best-of comp of all these matches, if I can afford it. Take in mind I'm pretty much a charity case until I get a second job right now, but I'm still down. And Dean, if you don't review that Ishii match before it gets pulled from Dailymotion...

Today's the day.  Me n the boy watched it the first day it popped up so I'm trying to get some space from already seeing it.

[J.T.]

You sold me on the Yamato / Inaba and the Hino / Tanaka matches with "release capture suplex.".

[AxB]

What's a Grody corner Lariat?

 

Also, Sonjay Dutt was doing the moonsault double footstomp as a finisher for a while. He may still do, haven't seen him for a bit.

[DEAN]

What's a Grody corner Lariat?

 

Also, Sonjay Dutt was doing the moonsault double footstomp as a finisher for a while. He may still do, haven't seen him for a bit.

That's an 80s adjective like gnarly corner lariat.

[J.H.]

I dispute DEAN saying he hasn't liked a Minoru Tanaka match since BattleARTS. I remember vividly him loving the Takehiro Murahama match... but in all fairness that shit was from 4/20/2001 and DEAN is entering his dotage, so I guess I can forgive him this discretion, what with the match in question being 15 years old at this point. I haven't thought of that match in 10 years and it just makes me wonder why pocket shooter Murahama faded to obscurity (I  remember something about quitting wrestling for actual MMA). I remember Liger was high on Murahama but couldn't get him to abandon Osaka Pro for some reason.

 

James 

[DEAN]

Man, I haven't thought about Murahama in a while.