assfax

Games I want to play that actually come out soon. Captain Toad: more of that great Lolo/Mole Mania type shit please. new dragon age: can't suck as much as the last one did. Far Cry 4: want to shoot the shit. ===- mario maker needs a thing like super meat world had where you can string levels together to form worlds.

I had a gnat stuck between the outside and the display of my LED TV. Of course you don't think it's inside at first. So you brush it with a scrap of paper. Then, upon it's indifference, you use a little pressure. Then, realizing you just killed the motherfucker you angrily consult google. Then you stand up and look around your big fucking TV. You blow into the back vents. You entertain notions of a late night excursion to Wal-mart to get a can of compressed air. Then you read about a suction cup method. Initially disregarding it because you assume the bug is smeared inside and slowly immolating itself into incandescent immurement. Then, at peak anger, you start looking for a small suction cup. I went through some old toys thinking there had to be something that had one. I never liked spider-man so no such luck. But suddenly, ho, SEGA SATURN STEERING WHEEL. I contemplate pulling one of the cups off but think better. I carefully position this heavy sumbitch over the afflicted area. It eagerly inhales. THE BUG DROPS... about three inches. This thing was in the middle right of the screen. I realize that the suction cup isn't letting up gracefully. I wonder if this will fuck up my screen. I can't get a digit in to fingernail it. I just pull back hard. The outer film pulls further than you'd think. It breaks free, no visible damage or weird rainbow gas puddles appear. I move the hulking peripheral into the new spot, then pull again and slide it down to the bottom of the screen. I exclaim wordlessly and with great enthusiasm. While writing this bullshit a small gnat flew onto my screen. It was in front of it. Was it the same cocksucker? I grabbed that previously mentioned scrap of paper and got it to land upon it. Then crushed it and confirmed the kill. A man's TV on the weekend is sacred.

That's where you tamp your ashes.

Hold the shit on. They aren't going to air their own TV show on the network? This is the only time I've been sitting right at fucking home on a monday since this started. Don't even use this thing as a night-light anymore. Supreme bullshit.

What exactly is the point of any sort of paid news when anything of actual import will be pigeoned across the world upon utterance? Paid opinion seems to be what people actually want. Or is that one of those questions that answers itself?

When UFC comes out, that will determine if I go and blow 500 bucks next month. If it's good that is. Does it retain that good Pride mode which was the only thing I thought was good on the last one? Is the striking all full of molasses like the EA MMA? I kind of liked aspects from both of the last two MMA games. Hated the stupid keep-away octagon submission system. Some of the position jockeying shit was intuitive. Seems like you should just keep most of that shit hidden behind stats and the time in which you impugn your skill. Cut out straight ahead bullshit where someone can flat-ass go for the gusto on the outset but let lambs be slaughtered. BUT do not disallow the fact that a well placed blow can annihilate a motherfucker. This goes against fighting game logic but it doesn't go against simulation logic. Have yer arcade mode where I can have insane openweight freakshow matches. Sentoryu vs Giant Silva. Main thing I'm saying is that Muggsy Bogues is Muggsy Bogues.

Did I just double quote myself? The answer is self evident.

I'm reading more than I ever did when I was way into it but do not follow any of the news/creator bullshit. Last I recalled DC did that bigass new 52 reboot. My question is: Was there another reboot after that? I struggle to understand a lot of how new big name books chronologically play out. If those old Wizard price guides still existed, each issue would be 900 pages. Marvel also did a reboot but they didn't call it a reboot and kept most of the lineage right? This Jason Aaron Thor shit seems to be the greatest Metal Hurlant story ever, and also seems about as far from Dr. Donald Blake as a Jheri curl. DC kinda did a clean slate except for Batman as far as I know. MAIN THING: was this actually about getting new #1s out the goddamned or what? Thing that's confusing me is where I was reading that new Mark Waid Daredevil and then it started over but it was the same shit. I can take the lameass intervallic explanation with how they wanted to get from Shadowland to status quo. I am getting foggy, pun intended after the fact, on whether things like mortal injuries or deaths got reset. I ain't keeping up with monthlies at fucking all. Maybe I don't even fucking care as long as all old stories I'm reading get brought to their full conclusion. Even abiding tales brought prematurely to their end by a higher power. Quoting Simpsons: We want closure. Especially if I'm blasting through years after the fact. This will always be an issue won't it? At least for named superheroes. I recall reading a shitload of goddamned great Greg Rucka Wonder Woman and then it suddenly had to deal with that horseshit where WW snapped Maxwell Lord's neck and it was filmed and shown out of context. Same thing happened with that good-ass Incredible Hercules comic where it always seemed 3 steps away from greatness yet it always had to stay in second gear out of fucking deference to some confound committee. Gonna stop now because this is all just sounding like an argument within my own head.

Scrawny-head 90s Hulk just shows why he never got any great Golan-Globus films. Even after he tried to deflate his fucking gigantic stop sign, he always had that old Jewish army general face. Especially after he slimmed down. You can't pull off something like the Double Trouble "sink-litterbox-workout-neighbor-orgasm" scene with that leering, kid TV host smile. I mean, quoting "It's the 90s, we're going to sue you" only takes you to the outskirts of town as far as I'm concerned these days. Answer the goddamned clarion call and stick to wrestling more aesthetically pleasing shitty actors underneath a fucking rubber costume. SHIT

Just a couple more years before we get an amazing Butcher movie starring Seth Gilliam.

Did Samoa Joe die or something? What's with the sudden inexplicable resurgence? He's sucked longer than he was good as far as I know.

Sin & Punishment and Marble Mania are two games that were better because they were on Wii.

Just imagine if they kept the ending where the lady shows up at his school as a new girl.

Angel Heart: First off, fucking amazing movie. I have two gripes with it. As soon as he meets De Niro my mind instantaneously unraveled the entire twist plot. Second, that fucking baby at the end had me laughin' my ass off when I should've been goin' "Holy Shit!". Movie was fucking amazing but I wish I was stupider so that I wouldn't Stay-Puft the movie in the first fifteen.

Dressed to Kill, one word review: Ponderous.

So I watched this first movie on this Samurai Trilogy deal. I spent the entire movie not understanding why all these fuckers were trying to catch the guy. That was most of the movie and it didn't seem to explain clearly why. Even reading the wikipedia page right after; it just says that he's a fugitive after that initial battle. Why? Then there was this part where all the old fuckers got a posse together and were going to kill him and the girl. Then it's never followed up on. I understand there's two more movies but this was mainly a mess when it came to showing why things were happening. Then again they probably needed to jam the first 500 pages of hallowed legend into ninety minutes so they could get to the main shit in the sequels. Seems like you'd want to do a little more than just read books for three years and do no real application of that knowledge until after. Room must've stank like a million farts.

This is what happens in the king's room next week.

Has anyone ever actually seen Andre: Heart of the Giant?

So now the AVGN movie and that X-Play Fear & Loathin' episode are tantamount to the Lone Gunman 9/11 shit; right?

There's like a way to tell if your cart has the save deletion glitch right? I always thought it would be cool until you tried to do a career mode.

Not really reading but I really don't want to make some one-off topic just to say that Harlan Ellison has a youtube channel and it has all his Sci-fi channel commentaries in a handy dandy playlist.

Certain shit is (relatively) cheap on amazon. Not sixteen dollar cheap but better than 35 bucks. Yes I did just pull the trigger on Naked Lunch, Rashomon, Thief and Throne of Blood.

Well this Rat Queens TPB I just read is pretty fucking good. They never fought that monster on the cover though.

Oh, now Crash Bandicoot works on Vita? After the goddamn sale where everybody was like "well I'd get Crash Bandicoot but it doesn't work on vita". BULL SHIT

The Motörhead version right?