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About assfax

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    Minnesota Purple Rage
  • Birthday 09/21/1983

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    Every girl's dream

    Beat Skyblazer on super nintendo. There's a part in the underwater level where you can get infinite 1ups and my ass definitely needed 'em for that last boss. He's got this laser thing that is real finicky to jump over and kills you in two hits. Played on emulator on my Vita. I was playing that Trails in the Sky game then realized I fucking hated it. I'm at the part where there's a big martial arts tournament in the final chapter and I gotta go find this big bear guy in the woods and I just don't give a fucking shit. Super slow combat that is 99% simple. Then they toss in this fucking penguin boss that has an assload of health and can heal like 800 hp indefinitely. It doesn't do anything else but it took me like 40 minutes to gradually chip this thing down even though it wasn't doing anything offensively to the party. Oh, then there was the part where they spent 12 hours on this boring ass orphanage "mystery". There's like 7 times where someone will do that thing where they say "hmm... no, never mind.... it's nothing important.". Y'know, that anime bullshit where people don't communicate shit to each other like humans. Not to mention all this silly "he's not blood related" horseshit. Then there was the part in the first town where I didn't understand that bracer jobs would just expire if you didn't just haul ass to them immediately. I played Fire Pro world like 3 times. It's exactly what I want but I've got no impetus to play it. I don't have that thing where I want to make Vigo the Carpathian for the 8th time. The workshop stuff intimidates me too because even if I did make a good Tony Halme, I never want to fuck with doing the CPU logic shit and so it would be one of those incomplete wrestlers. Kinda wish the camera was a little more zoomed out as well. Beat Wolfenstein Old Blood. Still don't like how the overcharged health just dissipates. Makes exploring less enjoyable. Big robot section kinda sucked 'cause there was no way to swat zombies off once they jumped on. Last boss was lame too. That was some PS2 style stationary shit right thar. Beat Blaster Master zero on switch. I never really understood why you wouldn't just always be using that #8 wave laser. The power up system mystified me. If I understand it correctly. You get pickups and it fills the meter but the guns themselves have unlimited ammo so there's never any reason not to nuke bosses with the best gun. The strafe button and diagonal aiming kills shit lickety split. Took me a while to figure out how to look at the map. Really just should've been a button because you never need the subscreen menu to switch weapons. Or they could've had one of those deals where if you hold start it goes to the map but tapping goes to the menu. Also needed a way to look at other areas maps. Last area was super ass easy on top of the rest of the game being super ass easy. Beat Cave Story on switch. Then looked up how to get the good ending and it's a bunch of bullshit. Also, didn't really appreciate all those instant death spikes. Played a shit load of that End is Nigh game. Movement is more deliberate than meatboy with more Mario 3 type shit where you bounce on enemies. I don't like how down is the tetris butt stomp button and you'll accidentally hit it sometimes. Shoulder trigger is good enough for that shit. Got to the dark world equivalent and didn't notice my tumors were depleting until anguish 10. Then I ran out on anguish 19. Then I tried the next day and just couldn't rebeat anguish 10. got a ps4 pro and am playing that Horizon game finally. S'okay. I'll like it more when I get the upgrade that let's me recover all the tripwire traps that the goddamned dinosaur robots nimbly avoid. Little bastards. Is the main lady crosseyed? Looks kinda weird. Mustaches look weird too. Every time people talk it seems like they're on the verge of weeping.

    Yeah, I don't like how you have to select the voice before you preview it. Slows down the process when you don't know what the hell you want yet.

    Kinda finicky to set favorites and signature move on your man. Not understanding what all the repeat faces are for either.

    I beat that Chronicles version of Ys 1 & 2. 1 is ok but tons of bullshit bosses and the progression just didn't flow naturally for me. Like, that bat boss is complete horseshit. Last boss will take you 90 minutes of dying to beat. Ys 2 is fucking amazing and didn't require me to look shit up every fifteen minutes. Bosses kicked way more ass too. Napishtim, I played on Vita and found the lack of warping super tedious. There's this extended part in a really dark cave that was just plain hard to see on the handheld. Felghana is amazing all the way through and kicks tons of ass on PC. Ys 7 I played on my vita at work, then transferred the save onto my computer to play it on a PSP emulator. It's the ultimate Dreamcast game. Bullshit bit at the end where they have you use all your characters so make sure you keep your levels kind of balanced. Celceta was kind of lame with a really weak end game stretch. No huge boss. Ys 2 is the one that really blew me away.

    Ain't no way Vanquish is worse than that bullshit space marines game.

    OK, I'm finally playin' that new Nier game. First thing I do when they let the mad dog loose is sell my OS which kills me. Then when I get into the game I go into the desert area and kill some dudes. Then, I come back into the city area and climb a radio tower. Then I try to kill a gigantic boar and get smoked. Moose and boar are the toughest enemies in the game. Digging the dual stick shooter shit when the camera gives you the MGS on PSX view. Also had slight hiccups on PC version where I needed that FAR progrum to actually play the sunuvabitch.
  7. I'm down to the last 3 shrines and I know exactly where they are. Two mazes and I'm going to do Eventide Island last. Tip for those trickier apparatus shrines: detach both controllers and just spin the right one. Got the guidebook and realized there was a type of Korok puzzle I did not even know about. I'm not enthusiastic about trying to find all of them. I do have the giant fold out map though. I could slowly mow the lawn. I did that feather shit on Assassins Creed 2 and none of those were fun or memorable.

    I tried to watch it but it cut out after DDP and never came back on. I also didn't give a shit to keep trying either. Is this typical for live shit on the network with hot programs?
  9. I guess I get the HHH hate. I still think he's about three tiers below Undertaker. I still say that your ass didn't get a little promo at Lemmy's funeral. Fuck you.
  10. Biggest exploit I discovered was using a shitty fire rod with the warm doublet when sniffing around them there icy mountains. You can even slowly melt icebergs just by standing near them. Also forgot to bitch about the king sounding like a 28 year old guy trying to do a Shakespearean Keith David gravitas type deal. No. I also was worried how to start a second playthrough without getting rid of my clear game. Make a new profile. I don't wanna get burnt with how the DLC shit will be integrated. I'm fixing to dip back in tonight. Now that I'm not all tip-toeing around shit I'm just going to plow through Eventide Island. When I first hit it, 7AM was nearby and I was kinda offput by getting dragged into an extended deal. This is a game where I ordered the official guidebook after I beat it. It better have real good printed maps showing everything because right now I'm just avoiding using the internet for most shit out of habit. My Zelda spoiler discipline was pretty goddamned heroic. I deleted Giant Bomb and Neogaf and only checked out Fire Pro World shit for this entire month. I was never worried about story shit but I went in not even knowing about how the dungeons worked. That main Kakariko thing even after I know what the fuck I'm doing just kinda came to a standstill with material requirements that wouldn't cooperate. Then, as soon as I bend it to my will it's over. I've never found the shiekah sensor plus to be worth a shit for tiny bugs and lizards.
  11. See, I never even seen that bug lady.
  12. Beat it last night. Pretty fucking good. Castle and Ganon were kinda lame. 91 shrines and 189 seeds. I was thinking there was going to be like, 300 seeds but no. Other than that first big ass night where I got super drunk and played it for 13 hours straight where I had to look up how to control the divine beast from the map.. Went through the whole goddamned thing without knowing shit or getting actually stuck. Boomerangs stunk. Longest lasting sword I had in the game was Scimitar of the Seven. Hardest enemy was that silver lynel I didn't even have to beat out in a corner tower at the castle. You get 4 ancient arrows, but y'gotta blow through 3 swords and keep quaffin' just to stay alive. I was gonna go for upgrading the hero tunic and got 1 shard of the dragon's horn. Then, the next time I went for it my goddamned arrows went right through it and I just said "fuck it" and beat the game. Got all the memories. I thought the hardest one was going to be that nondescript forest one with no discernible landmarks. Nope. None of 'em were hard if you were actually looking for them. Hated finding test of strength shrines and was mildly disappointed by blessing ones. I beat the desert labyrinth by just dropping in and lucking out. The other two I just kinda gave a half-assed attempt and then moved on after about 15 minutes. First divine beast I did (mammoth) was awesome. Great lead up, the whole schmear. Then you do another one and the formula is apparent. Boils down to figuring out where the little ATM is and then Dancin' on the Ceiling. How the fuck do I get this golden ball in Impa's house? Give me that marble rye you old bag. Played a shit-ton of it handheld at work. Focused on just kinda lawnmowin' shit that I wouldn't've done at home. Console review. When I tried tabletop mode the first thing I noticed was kickstand stinks. There's only one angle. It was better just kinda laying on my sockhat. Split controller is super comfortable and you can just kinda hunch over like yer trying to beat Jackal on an old portable 5" black and white tv. Sound is great too. When ye get those korok hide 'n' seek flowers you can really follow your ear.

    So yeah I'm thinkin' this is gonna be some sort of secret minecraft since my understanding now is that the fanbase on mainline WWE is about as easily led as oldtime Mass Effect weirdos and just as motivated. I only got into Puro because of Fire Pro. Not the other way around. My ass skipped ten years.
  14. Alright, about 12 hours in I had to look up that I could move the mammoth's trunk. I was stuck as hell and didn't realize that that was something I could do.

    Yeah, with fuckers like me who're gonna buy it as soon as it's on early access, and add in all the youtube fuckers that'll finally hop on the bandwagon causing a million extra fuckers to blow a load... MONEY