assfax

Driving and shooting with the batmobile is okay. It's all the parts where you gotta lug it through buildings and raise gates that slow the game down.

BUT what if the orphanage had a Saturn? BOOM. Then again an orphanage would probably get stuck with an old shitty Master System II. BOOM

I don't like how on that Bloodstained game if you are up against a two-block high wall you can't just jump and hold forward to get on top of it. Feels more like a Tecmo or Natsume game.

Pinball arcade is back on switch. They fixed 99 percent of the slowdown on Funhouse and Cirqus Voltaire. It still chugs on when it zooms on the toys but not during active gameplay. Took out all the Bally Williams challenge modes that I never play. Made new table packs that require me to rebuy tables. I want Centigrade and Jacks Open but already have the other tables. The Alvin G pack is the only one that seems worth getting. All the stern pinball arcade games are in this now but I've already got the cartridge version. I would've been beyond pissed if I didn't get in on this shit back on April 6th.

Funker is Sean Penn.

PSX MGS 1 then HD collection for the 2 and 3. Then Ghost Babel. Then don't play 4.

I bought the first five seasons on switch on that one day it was out. Now I'm pissed I won't be able to have Fathom, Doctor Who and Eightball Deluxe portable.

They are comprised of developers from the Giant Gram series. I also just made that up. Sounded real though.

New God of war is Sid Haig by way of Angus Scrim with the zelda boomerang by way of all the new videogame bullshit like nebulous upgrades and slow walking "low caves" loading zones and the kid is a scanning visor and gradius missles. The camera DOES suck. And it ain't that progressive. There'll be switches you can't hit 'til you lower some pungi sticks. BUT if this was nintendo you'd be able to angle that shit and catch it on the return. The kid is there becuase they ran into the Judge Dredd problem where you can't have your super badass slowing down to do all your bullshit exposition you're trying to cram in. You also have to have naughty dog style "give me a boost" bullshit even though Kratos can leap fifty meters and cleave stone. Ye got yer regular wimp mooks, teleporting annoyances, big giants and suicide bombers and medusa heads floatin' around. Apparently midgard is actually Kentucky.

OK I get to this first revenant and with no tutorial messages on I have no idea that square makes the kid use the bow. Holy shit this is fucking killing me. It's one of those deals where you can just infinitely block and I really don't give a fucking shitititityhithrdehuj

Yeah right at the start as soon as they let you move I'm all going in the opposite direction and the kid is bitching about the main path and I'm all "Fuck off I'm lookin' for secrets and doin' video game shit!" Shit load of "cinematic" automatic slow walking so far. I couldn't beat the first fucking enemies on the higher difficulty. Soon as I turn it to normal they die in 4 hits. Before I even started I turned off hud and tutorials. But now anytime I'm picking up treasure it gives no information. Game came with some code that gave 3 different colored shields that look the same. No stats so I don't really understand what the purpose is. It's one of those new 3rd person games where your dude is way off to the left and you can't always walk backwards.

DUDE. Pinball Arcade on Switch comes out today. I also got those FX3 Bethesda tables that kick ass. I've been playing a lot of pinball lately.

Those Tengen carts are bastards. When I got into cleaning my cartridges and had my nintendo screwdriver I went to open up my old Pac Man cart and they hide a screw behind the back sticker. Mahfuck. The unlicensed shit uses regular screws tho.