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About assfax

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    Minnesota Purple Rage
  • Birthday 09/21/1983

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  1. I really fucking hate how the "realistic" physics feel on these zen recreation tables. Ball has one fucking speed. It never has any slow lobbing shots. Just screamers. No flipper nuance. Like, y'ever play real pinball? Flippers have different power levels. Then there's flipper staging. Can't tap pass when the ball is drooling towards the drain.. Post passing never works the way you want it to. You can still nudge pass like it's regular zen pinball. No micro-flipping. Nudge has no dynamic range. It's either full bore or so subtle you could never use it in the moment. You get like three hard nudges in a row before tilt warning even triggers and it will eventually cool down. You wobblin' near the outlane? Just blast that fucker straight up! The castle shot on Medieval is in backhand land. But real backhand shots aren't possible. The flipper rubbers are either dead or superball shit. The newer "zen" physics just trivialize shit. You can trap damn near everything like there's cassowary jizzum on the rubbers. Feels like Gottlieb system 3 flippers. On fishtales you just hold left flipper on plunge and you're drop catching. PROS: The knocker and other mechanical sounds kick ass. Ball travel sound not so much. Rolling backflip shots are realistic and reliable. In multiball, strangely, the realistic physics feel good. I can't understand it either. I like TPA and Zen original gameplay but these FX3 WMS tables just ain't that addictive to me. The zen tables also have their own layout and ruleset issues as well. Like every single shot having a multi-syllabic word to spell. Multiballs that take forever to qualify. Music is sack shrivelling ambient garbage. Damn near everything sounds like royalty free trash. Also, those Universal tables didn't have ANY GODDAMNED real soundtrack shit. NO FUCKING JOHN WILLIAMS on ET. The goddamned Secrets of the Deep had a reasonable faux Jaws ripoff noise. NO BACK TO THE FUTURE THEME. SHIT callouts. Like, they never have an exciting extra ball meltdown. Multiballs just kinda peter in. Like in E.T. and AVP. They LOVE those absolute dicktip end of the flipper shots for major targets. What the fuck. My favorite zen tables are DOOM(TWO dicktip multiball shots), Aliens and AVP(dicktip), Jurassic Park and the Mayhem(dicktip) one. I've played a shit ton of ET but still see the problems with it. I've beat the wizard mode on Back To The Future. I beat Skyrim but it took like 60 games to finally beat that last dragon. I only kinda liked Castlestorm(dicktip) and Wild West Rampage(dicktip) until I played them in VR. Castlestorm in VR kicks serious fucking ass. A major point being that the camera doesn't zoom in on the mini playfield so you can actually keep track of shit during multiball and get super jackpots. Biggest crime is that there probably won't ever be anymore VR tables made. Also a little pissy that all those marvel and star wars tables aren't on switch where I could really dig into them without distractions in portable mode. So yeah, I'm definitely buying volume 3 as soon as it comes out.
  2. Finally saw Six String Samurai after wanting to see it for like 20 years. I remember seeing it in PSM magazine. FUCKING GOOD MOVIE
  3. Been watching a bunch of old time anime I remember from videogame magazines. Project A-ko: Kindy dopey Golden Boy: I laughed one time on the very last episode when the original manga artist guy says "Liquor me up!!" Otaku No Video: Okay this was the weirdest thing I watched so far. It's a Woody Allen/Spinal Tap/Reefer Madness thing. What the hell was this? I'm 'bout to watch Wings of Honneamise. EDIT: As a movie it stunk hard. The only thing I knew about this movie for like 26 years was that it had a "rape scene" in it. It wasn't, but it did completely taint the film going forward. This wasn't like that part in Platoon where Willem Dafoe is all yelling "Get out of there!" This wasn't even some old time 1950's movie mash-faced kiss that was rebuked. This was just a bunch of bullshit with a hippy dippy ending. POOP.
  4. This is simple. Are you going to play it immediately? I'm talking blow through it this weekend in two sittings style and have no other games you've bought unbeaten. Or are you wishy washy with a bunch of unfinished shit? If it's even a question wait 'til you are really going to play it then buy it. Within 3 months it will be super cheap even on console.
  5. What is an arm and a leg in this case? I got a bundle with a HyperX Cloud II and Rainbow 6 Siege 3 years ago and it was 70 bucks. I never used the microphone and never installed siege. Pretty much just use it as a headphone set for home recording. The 7.1 stuff seems pointless. Seems to hover around 80-90 now. The aluminum frame means yer really going to have to stomp on it to destroy it. The best headphones I ever had are koss portapros. But the foam covering one of the ears got ripped and I don't know what I need to order a replacement. I bought them used so I don't have that lifetime warranty. Maybe I should get drunk on the internet and order a new set. Amazing headphones. They just look like old shitty walkman headphones but they ain't.
  6. I would consider that a good nintendo direct.
  7. I didn't pre-order it but I am allowed to download the beta for division 2. I'm all about playing early versions of games I couldn't give a shit about lately.
  8. Well, I'm about to play this apex game. Two hours later: It's ok. I don't give a shit about these overwatch battle royal games. I lived 22 minutes and was in the final 2 teams hiding in a bush then died as soon as I saw a badguy. Needs a basic deathmatch mode so I actually get a feel for the shooting. I fired zero bullets 'til the last 2 seconds. I didn't immediately uninstall it so it's already drinking Anthem's milkshake. Why anyone would play that over this is mindboggling. Hobbled their own bigass game right before it came out. It was already wounded. It was nice being in on a gaming event before all the children master the thing within 7 hours.
  9. Played it with ps4 controller. You can actually fly without crashing into the side of a mountain. Still just a shooter where bad guys have shields and take 11 seconds to kill. Also ran out of ammo a lot, but you have unlimited missiles and grenades on cooldown? weird. The enemies seem as bored as I was. Travesal seemed lame. Do I actually need to look around for secrets or are there just going to be laptops sitting around that I hold the B button near? This is going to be like that Fuse game on PS3 that nobody remembers in the future.
  10. I played the anthem demo for about 15 minutes. First thing I search on google: anthem mouse keyboard controls suck
  11. Yeah, these fuckers just do not have a great looking game. Visually or gameplay wise. It has no eyebrows.
  12. y'know who'd make a kick ass metroid soundtrack? GOBLIN
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