piranesi

Always repeat your punchlines, folks, like a magician emphasizing a trick:"High heels, laides and gentlemen! High Heels! Yes....Come on! Come on, that was funny!"

Which is enough.

Shit. I didn't see this thread. I blame Jae for changing the name from the RANDOM MOVIE THOUGHTS!!!!!! to something with, like, a gerund, a hyphen and three adverbs. Branding, man! Can someone, maybe get rid of the sad alternate I accidentally started and move my one sad post over to here?

Fuck this list for including a woman in it at all, and then even more for singling out one. I can't murder this enough. If you want to make fun of some funny-looking dudes who make their money and reputation being scary-looking, fine. A lot of male athletes take a sense of pride in being terrifying. But fuck this to the ninth circle of hell.

With Sheamus they seem to be aiming for "noble savage" rather than bully...like he just can't be constrained by the rules of society because he's such a pure brawler. He'll cheap shot ya', but you can cheap shot him too and it's all fine, fella'...We're just brrrrrrrawlin' and at the end of the day, we'll sharrre a beerr and a laugh and comparre brrrruises! It's supposed to be lovable, you know the Irish, right? They just can't be civilized, but they're good at hearrrrrrrrt! The problem is that, apart from a few elaborate sketches, it ends up just boiling down to him running in and cheap-shotting someone and leaving, interspersed with poopy kaka stinky buttface jokes.

Really? This was not restarted yet? But I need a place to dump junk! Good old Epix Drive-in has added a tasty slice of 80s pulp to it's lineup. It is on right now, and I am watching it as I google all these people, so don't count on this for, like archival purposes: ZOMBIE HIGH (1987) weirdly starring Virginia Madsen as a high school student, despite the fact that she is about 27 years old and the year before had played a washed-out baseball groupie in the underrated made-for-HBO BULL DURHAM ripoff LONG GONE with William Peterson at his scruffy best. Sadly it mostly lacks the dark humor of its contemporaries like RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD, REANIMATOR, TERRORVISION, or even THE BLOB remake. But it does fit right into that 1987-ish obsession with revisiting and paying homage to the tropes of 50s "the-adults-are-all-pod-people movies...that weird way in which the Reagan 80s are the re-animated corpse of the LEAVE-IT-TO-BEAVER 1950s, but with a tad more self-awareness. But that's kind of all it has going for it. It is cheap in that way where everything is shot in tight cloesup, or with everyone grouped together to save on set dressing and lighting or whatever... But the best thing about it is that one of the costars is Paul Feig...creator of FREAKS AND GEEKS playing...you'll never guess...a geek, and is a joy to watch as essentially a kid improvising whatever lines he thinks Woody Allen would say if he were in ZOMBIE HIGH, but trying to adopt the voice and mannerisms of Jack Benny. The end result is that he lands sadly around Eddie Deezin. If there was a Jewish holy trinity, that would be it. This man is an A-lister now. Enjoy glorious Schtick at 2:23 ...and and Sherilyn Fenn, two years older and hotter than she was in JUST ONE OF THE GUYS. ...and Coach's daughter from COACH! The evil Dean of the school creating an army of student zombies in order to syphon their life energy??????(honestly I still have no idea. First there were crystals, but then there was a drug, and then there was music controlling people...first the zombies were students, but then, like, the president was a zombie...and I don't know why this would reach that high if it was all just being run by the dean of a high school...he might be an alien, maybe? like in THEY LIVE? Or they were just really old? So, they got youth from the students? Or from the drug...then why control the students? You know what, FUCK THIS MOVIE) is Kay Edwin Emmert Kuter (that is four names, maybe one of which comes anywhere near a normal name word), another "Guy Who Was Never Not Old" who played the ambassador in THE LAST STARFIGHTER. You know the one: He is old as Jesus here in 1987, but was somehow still acting as late as a few episodes of CHARMED and was a voice character in GRIM FANDANGO!!!!!. The ending plays on the same "classical music is for squares" and "Rock is for freedom!" that provides the basic plot arc for many candy commercials where the mean old librarian is like "Sssssshhhhh" and then Randy Savage bursts through the wall and screams "FUCK YOU OLD LADY>...ROCK AND ROLL SKIIIIIIIITTTTTLLESSSSS!!!!! TASTETHERAINBOWMOTHERFUCKERS I SAID TASTE THE FUCKING RAINBOWAREYOUTASTINGTHATSHITTTTTTT!!!!!??????" and starts playing air guitar. You see, Mozart is being piped across the city to keep the zombies alive??? (please, just accept this). So when Virginia Madsen breaks into the music room???? and replaces the classical cassette with an irreverent Rock song, all the Zombies grab their heads in pain and disentagrate. It's just like that scene in THE SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION only in reverse and better. The song is a hilariously inept attempt to sound like The Beastie Boys, LICENSE TO ILL, so you should be able to chant along with this without hearing the music, complete with chanting chorus at the end of each line. These, I shit you not, are the lyrics. Yeah! Kiss it! You get up in the mornin' and you clothes don't match your hair! (you're guess is as good as mine here) They say "maybe you should wash 'em" you say YOU DON'T CARE! They're screamin' in your ears 'til their FACE TURNS BLUE You turn around and say KISS MY BUTT! (no rhyme in English for the word "blue" apparently) You got to tell 'em fella KISS MY BUTT (Sheamus approved!) Mom say "take the trash out" Dad say "MOW THAT LAWN!" They're knockin' on your door sayin' "TURN THAT MUSIC DOWN!" (down does not rhyme with lawn) You're climbin' out the window, you got to get away! You turn around instead and say...KISS MY BUTT! You got to tell 'em fella...KISS MY BUTT!!! There is then a "talking break" like in (You gotta) Fight...where the band members each get to say something about the stifling society that forces them into uncomfortable race and gender stereotypes,...I'm just shitting, they take turns burping and shit...and screaming for someone to kiss their butts. Awesomely, the cover of the Cinema Home Video Release has the following as a review blurb: Thank God for ellipsi...ellipsises... ...and for the New...York...Post.

...because if he bought a gun someone might get hurt, you know.

He did it. But 148 pitches? Yeezus!

This version of Michael's song will always be the best because Sherri is so awesome. If it wasn't for the accent, she could easily have fronted The Slits. God, I miss that woman.

If you'd like something to take you mind off tonight's bullshit, Tim Lincecum is three outs away from a no-hitter. The third out in the eighth was secured by a miraculous diving catch by Hunter Pence.

Meanwhile also in Florida, this is what happens when a black woman claims "Stand your ground": http://jacksonville.com/news/crime/2012-05-11/story/jacksonville-woman-sentenced-20-years-prison-stand-your-ground#ixzz1uZavvhzD note: same prosecutor. Less money. Different result.

Only if you have $500,000 donated by "the right people" so you can afford a defense team and not a public defender.

As was Robert Downey Jr.'s

BB King, September 10, 1971 at the Cook County Jail The concert that became one of the great albums of all time.

FF to 5:25 for a special surprise.

I think that is topped by the loooooong scene where Charlie O'Connel is selling his injured leg by moaning through an entire scene where they are helping him back to a boat. Read this rhythmically, like the beat of a techno song: "Ow Ow ow Oh Oh Oh Oooh ow ow Oh Oh OOOW Ow OW Oh Mah Mah Mah Oh Ow Ow Ow Ow Ow Ow Ow Ow Oh Oh Ow Ow Oh Oh"

Love. hearts. crinkly bows.

Does knowing him from NXT make someone a smart? Shouldn't you at least need to chant IRS, IRS or have a sign saying: "Irwin declared you!" to qualify for that?

What you are asking for seems impossible, like some super-responsible fandom where everyone is not only reacting but trying to guage how best to help the good guys (the workers) or how to send the right message to the bad guy (Vince). That's like trying to enforce the rules of March Madness. Wrestling is pretty unique in the crowd interaction. It is something that would kill most other types of theater because they don't know how or can't respond to it. It's a huge wild card in this type of show. Thing is, that is the logical result of how the company alternately ignores or uses crowd reactions to change things or force things through. In a way Vince has left the door open to the notion that crowd response can be martialed to affect things (Fandango's push maybe?) but at the same time he fucking hates the crowd for not doing what he wants them to. This board is kind of the same. The crowd is ruining everything! But the thing is, they are the only truly real thing in the show. The one thing you can't book totally and can't fake (at least until post production and Coliseum Home Video). They are the reality that the bookers have to work through. I don't know where I'm going with this. But, there is probably a way in which coming to terms and rolling with "the crowd" without getting pissy about them is the most important step in being a professional wrestler. But it's not a step I have to take because I'm not a professional wrestler...so fuck the crowd. Or not.... Goddamn it.

Tensai was a great example of someone doomed by the 50/50 midcard booking. You can't bring in a monster and make people take him seriously with that going on. You can't bring him in and have him work midcard guys, because then he has to lose half his matches and is immediately "just another one of the boys."So, what's left? Have him squash the same jobbers that Ryback and Brodus squashed? Everyone knows that means nothing. Everyone squashes those guys. So, what's left? The only way to even try to get him taken seriously then is to jump him right up to Cena...and then he's jobbed out ASAP because...Cena.Without the willingness to let people climb the midcard and beat everyone there, or to have feuds end decisively with one guy moving up and another down, a monster like Tensai was doomed from the start.

But, that second example is a good reason maybe the chants aren't that bad. I mean, fuck Vince for rapackaging Ricky Steamboat of all people as if his past never existed. He's Ricky Fucking Steamboat and we know he's Ricky Fucking Steamboat.

Is part of this that the writers now rely on talking rather than good story to get people over? The wrestlers shouldn't have to lift all the weight. If the story is good, a short reaction promo is all that's needed, but if you're whole popularity scale is based only on who is the most clever smartass, then you rely on 20 minute vlog promos and you end up with feuds like Cena/Rock where the whole story is "Did you hear what he said!!!???" "Yeah! But did you hear what HE SAID BACK!!!????" OMG WHAT WILL SOMEONE SAY NEXT WEEK!!!!!!!!!!!. "If you need to shoot, shoot. Don't talk." Tuco

He was a disrespectful ass, wasn't he? Just sidling up next to the regulars and pretending he was above scale. Good call, Doc.

Why would anyone protest Albert? He's great? Brodus us useless. If they could just have two dudes who can move like Albert they'd have a nice hoss team that wouldn't have to do comedy.

Like a wood nymph?