BEN!

I usually watch stuff before I go to bed so before I fall asleep, I'm thinking about what I watched so on an episode of Impact, Hannigan is running down the Hardys' tag title allocades and he mentions all their TNA and WWE reigns and then he says and "1-time in WCW" and I was like, they were never IN WCW, Young Boy Tom. Then I'm lying in bed wondering what happened to the WCW tag titles, like they must be part of the lineage of one of the WWE tag titles. So when I get up and while I'm having a cup of coffee, I'm looking up the stuff I dreamed about like can a monkey flip me off (theoretically, yes), what side of the road do the French drive on (right), does a DeLorean have a back seat (no), which set of WWE tag titles have the WCW lineage (neither). Hell, neither actually contains the WWWF/WWF tag title lineage. The current WHC is separate from the previous WWE Big Gold which is separate from WCW's but when they do historical stuff they treat them all like the same title like when Sheamus was on SNME they had a graphic with all his titles and they used the current WHC belt instead of their Big Gold. Insanely, the WCW US title is part of the WWE US title lineage.

Imagine if when Hogan turned heel, first like Mase or someone were in the ring for no reason and then there was no follow up for weeks after and then when Randy Savage finally confronts the NWO, they just stand and talk instead of Savage chasing down a running limo cause it's on sight. I need Cena to show up and tell Truth to be a "good R-Truth" and put these hampers in the locker room and make sure everyone knows the difference between the dry and wet hampers and he's doing it because he's the real quarterback of the team. Then he needs to tell Stu to get out of the way already so he can go to work. Then he needs to beat Cody half to death and spray paint "NOW" on his back cause his time is still now. Give me anything other than that lame feelings explanation. I also need Rollins to show up on SmackDown and reveal that he pulled some strings and got his match moved to the opener like Heyman did to him against Brock. So Punk gets his main event on paper but doesn't close so he gets nothing. If you don't end with YEETMania then what even are they doing?

That's funny cause while moving filing cabinets around my office I found my legal pad of fake TNA ideas.* Slim J as Payton Banks' delinquent son Robin "Robbie" Banks. [The Extraordinary Gentleman's Organization are meeting in a hotel room] Kazarian: [looks at watch] Man, where is room service. I'm starving. Daniels: After the great job we did helping Claire Lynch--- Roode: Helping? She's a hobo now. FK: The queen of the hobos! CD: She's royalty now! We're heroes! FK: And we're going to keep that heroism going by helping another lost soul. The son of your old assistant Payton Banks! BR: Who? CD: Dark hair, about yay high. BR: Ohh... [holds hands way in front of chest] CD: No, you're thinking of Traci Brooks. BR: Oh. What ever happened to her? CD: I think she married some jabroni. FK: Hey! [knock at the door] CD: Hey hey! He's here. Robbie Banks: Yo, what's good which ya? [daps everyone up] CD: Bobby this is Robin Banks--- RB: Nah, I go by Robbie to sound like my hero Bobby. BR: I like this kid. RB: I 'preciate ya'll giving me a hand up. We gon' do it up big together. Hey, I'll see ya'll next week. [hugs Daniels, smacks him on the butt] Someone been doing his squats. CD: That's how you get the rear that makes the girls cheer. [Banks hugs Kaz, reaches for his butt. Kaz stops him] FK: It's an upper body business kid. [Banks squeezes Kaz's arms and shakes his hand] RB: Deuces, ya'll. [Banks leaves as room service arrives] FK: It's about time [looks at wrist] That kid stole my watch! [Kaz runs out the door] CD: I got the tip. [reaches for his wallet, pats back pockets] That kid stole my wallet! [Runs out the door] Room service guy: Did you get your wallet stolen too? BR: No, I'm just rich. Get the hell out of here. === *For every real idea, I'd write a fake one to leak in order to expose the stooges and discredit the dirtsheets and just generally rile up the internet for the lulz and profit**. === Prior to the Hobo Army's debut. Leak their first feud as The Moondogs, Splish and Splash. Frankie and Annette style surfers. === Chris Hero as "The American Salaryman" TNA's Irwin R. Shyster. He'd wrestle in a shirt and tie and sit in a cravat forever. Salaryman, Salaryman. Win or lose he don't give a damn. Gets paid the same. Sit in a hold as long as he can. You think he'll work hard but this ain't Japan. He's the American Salaryman. === "Hot Movez" Houlihan. I can't tell the fake idea without exposing the real idea and I don't want to share that cause I'm afraid they might try it. The t-shirt design is great though. Like the Rolling Stones logo but one lip says HOT the other says MOVEZ and the tongue is pierced with a six-sided TNA logo stud. **Surprise drop limited edition $50 t-shirts was how I would've sold it up the ladder. Two cartoon dogs surfing under the moonlight on a wave with the TNA logo hidden in it. Office guy leaning back asleep in his chair, six-sided fedora covering his eyes. Little dream bubble with the same image in it. Living the American dream tagline.

He broke his foot against Jay White. Then he got hit by a bus. Should've given him the belt and let him take it up Everest. They've got like 2 dozen more belts to go around. Nay by the way. 'Welcome To The Jungle' in the desert. That's like the opposite of the jungle, baby. Unless this is leading to a Martian invasion angle then I'm bout it. Why else would Moxley be lighting a flare in the desert? He's calling the Martians. Pac's got to eventually be revealed as being an alien. That's why he won't wear human clothes.

If you're like me and it seems like Kevin Owens always gets a World Title match at the Royal Rumble event then we're only about half right. 3 Universal title matches against Roman Reigns. (2017, 2021, 2023) 3 Royal Rumble matches with the first also being for Reigns' World title. (2016, 2020, 2022) An IC (2016) and US (2024) title match. The IC against Ambrose and one of the Universal (2021) title matches were Last Man Standing matches. There's also a handicap match teaming with Zayn against AJ Styles. (2018) He's 1-9 at the Royal Rumble event with his sole win being a no DQ Universal title defense against Reigns. (2017) If you want to count the Greatest Royal Rumble he also lost that. (2018) So 1-10. They probably won't make this "By The Numbers" video.

The lousy storytelling has been a problem forever. Teams form, groups form, feuds start...they all just fade away rather than reach any kind of conclusion. Darby Allin got his leg broken by Jay White and White was running around with Sting's bat. Darby Allin comes back to set Jack Perry on fire and Jay White returns as a babyface to feud with Page who set Swerve's house on fire. Which brings up the problem with stepping on their main angles. Swerve got his house set on fire. Jack Perry actually got set on fire and still won. Danielson got bagged at the end of the last PPV. Ospreay got stabbed in the head with a screwdriver underneath. There's also always been a repetition problem with the show layout. There was show in Miami where they did the babyface tries to get the heel to shake hands like three segments in a row. Last Blood & Guts episode there was a run-in from behind on every segment out. Feels like all the women debut the same. Madison Rayne, Taya Valkyrie, Deonna Purrazzo, maybe Deeb too. All debut as babyfaces. Get beat by the champ immediately. Then disappear and maybe come back as heels to do pretty much nothing. Also, every show open, pop 30 grand worth of pyro, blah blah know what that means, and seemingly the first faces they show on camera are some old-ass white-haired white-bearded white guys scissoring. Can't wait to watch something the lamest looking dudes around are super excited by. I thought TK was big into CMLL. Tell the cameramen to shoot one of the three women in the crowd instead. Shit, plant some women in the crowd. You got plenty backstage doing nothing. I do enjoy when people make excuses for the ratings. But there was a Kendrick Lamar concert on Juneteenth like AEW doesn't have the oldest whitest audience since Verne was running the Showboat. I'm pretty sure the highest rated episode of Dynamite is still the first so whatever other sportsball or news event doesn't account for zero audience growth and houses that are half of what they were the previous year. If Tony Khan weren't a coward Battle For The Belts would've been head up against a WWE TV show at some point. Or get Collusion moved to Mondays next year to fill that Monday night cable wrestling vacuum and open up the weekends for house shows.

Bald Willie Oldman sitting in the park trying to get kids to play chess with him, "Hey youngblood, sit down, I'll tell you about the time I beat Hulk Hogan. I had long dark hair. After I beat John Cena he started wearing jorts. I was wearing jorts when that boy was still sucking on his momma's teat. Hey, where you going? I WAS MARRIED TO TORRIE WILSON!"

https://youtu.be/1Raenc8wb7k And I can't find it but I swear babyface Adbullah danced to Don't Worry Be Happy in Puerto Rico. I did find this though: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nS4vY4eLBCs Picturing WWF Abby and George Steele staring at each other like confused dogs while each try to eat Mean Gene's mic cover until the Bushwhackers walk in and shove ice cream bars in their mouths and they all go "Woahhh" and "Yeah" and then we get a Fuji promo to hype up an eight-man against them with Killer Khan, Sika, Kamala, and Kimchee where they all demolish some ice cream bars too while Fuji nods on approvingly.

I find Punk going toe to toe with McIntyre as ridiculous as when he held his own against Lesnar but I liked HITC cause he got his ass beat and only got the advantage with foreign objects. And I like the beads spot. That Dirty Dom falling out of the cage spot looked nuts. That could've gone all kinds of wrong. Solo wasn't ready for this push. New Bloodline isn't strong enough to rush the reuniting of Original Recipe Bloodline for War Games. What's with the bus? Cody arrived in the stakeout car. And what was Owens driving? That the same car Moxley stole from Jericho?

Darby Allin picks 3 of the competitors while the final spot is determined in one of those battle royals with two rings, a ladder, and a life preserver. What will happen if one of Darby's foes wins? Can he coexist with Brody King or Swerve Strickland as a partner? If Danhausen wins, will Ric Flair say, "God, you've only been retired for a few months. You look like shit, Stinger." Then Darby/partner face the interim title holders in a best of 7 series.

Swerve and Brian Cage. You've got Nana out there so Flair has something to do; hit Nana, strut and do the Swerve dance. You've got the Gates so there's more bodies for Sting to land on safely. And most importantly, Darby and Swerve should be in AEW's World Title picture sooner rather than later. And Sting should win his last match. Putting over the Bucks at this point accomplishes nothing. Sting/Darby should've beat FTR for the Tag Titles at Wembley and then lost them to the Bucks at the next PPV.

Basically an entire episode on that goof Hannibal but nothing on why Abby's broke now and no mention at all of his wife. I had never seen the blade job before this but you've got like a 1% chance of contracting Hep C like that so it's no wonder that an attorney came to him instead of a doctor. I wouldn't think there'd be enough airtight contact between Abdullah and Hannibal to transmit the virus with surface level cuts like that. The way Nicholson always cried about this made me think he had gotten New Jack'd and cut open to the pink meat. Also, he had always claimed he was getting signed as a ref so I don't know why Vice made it look like WWE wanted him as a wrestler. And it wasn't that long ago he got arrested for beating his girlfriend too. You ever seen Abdullah's signature? He's got beautiful penmanship for an illiterate guy.

Right before Jarrett left TNA, they were looking for writers and I worked myself into a shoot and decided I wanted that job so for a couple of weeks I would just jot down ideas. One of them was Sabu managing the Briscoes. One, I wanted the Briscoes in and two, I wanted to work Team 3D out. So the premise was Sabu was sick of hearing 3D claiming to be the originators of table-based violence so he brings in the Briscoes as his proteges who he taught the intricacies of using tables as weapons. He was going to wear a suit and smoke a cigar and during promos would blow smoke rings and point up and Borash and Mark would look up at the smoke and then Jay would burst onto the set and start cursing so all you'd hear is a long "BEEP" and JB's eyes would get big and Sabu would pump his fist and nod excitedly in approval and then he'd point to the ring and him and Jay would storm off and JB would nudge Mark who's still looking up and he'd look around and smile at the camera and say something like, "Like my brother and Mr. Sabu were saying, we're in for a good ath-a-letic contest tonight, folks." and then a chair would come flying onto the set and Sabu and Jay would rush back on and Jay would be all, "Naw, man, no handshakes , we done shaking hands. We gonna put those two through some tables and send them back up north and they ain't gonna take 'em back cause they ain't gonna be cosmetically pleasing no more. Y'all better MAN UP!" then Jay and Sabu would leave again and Mark would smile at the camera again and say, "Stay tuned folks for more exciting Total Nonstop Action after these words from our sponsors!" and Borash would be, "That's my job. I throw to commercial." Then I've got Sabu taking the Briscoes out for sushi to celebrate with Borash along to document and they get their food and Jay and Mark would go, "They didn't cook that fish." "That man just cut that fish up and threw it on our plates." "Man, you got a grill back there, a hibachi, a Bic, some candles, two sticks I can rub together? Get over there Chicken, we gotta get some fire under this fish." Then the chef would be like, "No chicken, just fish, get back, please." "Man we can't be eating raw fish, we'll get the botulism." Then the camera pans over to Sabu and he just mutters, "savages" and then pulls a railroad spike out of nowhere and starts snatching sushi off Borash's plate with it while JB's eyes bug out.

Jimmy hasn't gotten the full wrath of The Tribal Chief yet. He just got snatched up and yelled at once and a while. Jey got beaten physically and emotionally into compliance. According to WWE, Jey Uso is the first man to ever pin Reigns (on the main roster). "Anybody can be beaten on ANY...GIVEN...SUNDAY...ha ha." "Or Tuesday since that's when NXT is on TV." "I was talkin' bout tonight, Vic." "It's Saturday, Book."

Also, when he wasn't in the rafters he was walking around in the rain. Anyway all of this is moot because 1998 was actually WCW's biggest money year ever so while this sucked it was not actually the beginning of the end. The finger poke was the actual beginning of the end.