MGFanJay

After so much time in a state of limerence, I finally have a nice sense of peace that things will work out no matter what happens. And after so much chaos mentally, just having peace feels good.

I hope we get the return of the YAMMA FIGHT PIT!

This has the potential to be MMA HUSTLE or just really sad - or both.

I've never done anything to stalk her - she's the one who initiated every part of our interactions online. I didn't have ulterior motives with her - but the time away has helped me focus on myself and heal a bit. Not feeling 100% there yet, but every day, I feel a bit better that things worked out for the best given how toxic things were for both of us at the end. If things are meant to be, then she'll reach out - the ball has been in her court since she ended things - beyond her having a friend get involved and message me, which was a bit weird.

Felt a great sense of peace today after watching more Thais Gibson content about avoidants and anxious attachment styles and how they can be great or oil and water and how broken bonds usually rebuild at the 6-8 week mark - and Kadie and I are at week 5, so...yeah I'm feeling pretty hopeful that she's in her healing phase alongside me.

Sorry the last month has been so trying for you, Natural. Trigger months are no joke. This past 6 weeks has been tough because my closest friend of the past few years ended things 11 days before Christmas, which is already a tough time and that's a week before my late mother's birthday - but the good thing about it is while I may have lost her, I gained so many other people. She and I were co-workers and had an instant rapport and things grew to where we were chatting constantly on insta, snap, text, twitter, and messenger at all hours of the night - including when she moved to Alaska in April for work. This past November, things got rocky when I asked if she saw us as a possible couple after she used even more pet names to describe me than usual and brought up wanting to have someone in every city she's in and I thought hey well this is the time given that she just that morning used one - but she nixed that, I told her I was fine with and practically - hey she's a million miles away, cool. But she got really snippy on snap for a long time after and then in her last snap told me that everything I did was with the ulterior motive to date her - and I thought okay, well I'd blown her phone up a few weeks prior overthinking and I"m just going to give her time and space because that's what she needed. I did that and got a text the next night ending the friendship without a chance to respond to anything - and that hurt pretty badly because I don't care how mad you are - you can talk to someone and clear the air. I sent her a message on her second insta because she hadn't blocked me there and just showed her my texts that she didn't see after blocking my number and said hey look we need to chat and this is a giant misunderstanding. She told me off - and okay, it's the next day, I'm not too shocked by that but the next week, her friend hits me up on messenger and threatens me for mentioning her on FB. I got rushed to the hospital during work on 12/17 because I collapsed - I hadn't been eating, had the runs and was really dehydrated and it took 3 liters of fluid for me to feel normal. I did mention her name on FB, but I was blocked so it shouldn't have tagged her and apparently it did and that must have set her friend off or family or something because her friend that she moved to AK for is ranting at me for being a stalker and she shut up about that when I brought up Kadie bringing me into every other social media aspect of her life - and it took me 2 months to text her back. She told me to never talk to her (the friend) again - but I did thank her the week later for giving me a sense of clarity because regardless of what my intentions were, Kadie was shaken by everything and that wasn't my goal. In going through all this, it let me really working on myself, researching attachment styles - realizing that Kadie fits the avoidant type and this is common behavior and I'm definitely anxious and I started therapy yesterday and felt better just doing that. I had a heart scare in November and told Kadie that the hope of seeing her again in April was a motivator in me wanting to get this done soon because I didn't want to be like my dad and die of a preventable heart attack young or like my mother just being too stubborn to ever get seen. Things were great there, but she seemed weirded out and I chatted with an online friend out of the blue via messenger and he said that her feeling gaslit by me could have been from the heart thing - but hopefully stuff works out because it does all feel like a misunderstanding. If not, then at least I'm working on myself for good reasons and not just for her benefit and I do believe in my heart that things will work out in time - a long time. Went through another break with my best high school friend Melissa where someone came between us and we didn't talk for 2 years - but that gave us a stronger bond for 20. With Kadie, I think her friend got in her ear and changed the narrative of everything I said - and I think that will come out in the wash down the road. I sure hope so because goddamn did we have some crazy bond and I miss her - but also see her flaws more clearly and realize that my support group was a lot stronger than I thought it was. My therapist helped me a lot by allowing me to see that Kadie may have just seen things as transactional given that I got her gifts like a laptop so she could keep streaming on Twitch - and I did that to boost her morale because she was really scared moving without her family or dog. She's also moved to a new part of Alaska in October and that adds to my thought of her being a bit out of sorts and being on-edge. Luckily, I still have all the good memories and thank God for that because I accidentally deleted our insta history - but still have the feelings it gave me of knowing that we aided each other and had some fun chats about reality TV, going to shows and just chatting about life. I want nothing more than to have her in my life again in a positive way - but we each need to do work on ourselves to ensure that things work out better in the long-run. I still hope to see her in April, but with far better circumstances overall than we would have had before.

I got a Pure Plank and love it - makes doing planks with iffy knees and a bad wrist much easier. Leaning out a bit and feeling better than I have in years

Goddamn that closing angle ruled. Just wrote 1,400 words about it for the Observer site - hopefully it goes up.

The Killer Kross interpretive dance shit is overkill.

Dusty's tits gained a cup size between belts.

Johnny Swinger having a career resurgence in 2019 and 2020 is unreal - but his act is great. I love that right away they leaned into the '80s Memphis-ness of it with a goofy music video.

When I saw that it was Impact's 16th anniversary, I had to do something here. Without me having fun blasting Impact here, I never would've gotten into regular wrestling writing via the Observer site.

I also had a ton of fun at the show. It was a huge improvement from my first ROH show in Manassas 8 years ago, and they did a great job pacing things out.

Roman vs. Cena was the best bad for business segment ever. And we also got this.

The Hardys stuff was easily the peak of the actual show. The main event was dreadful - but still a far better way for Taker to go out than the Shane match would've been. At least he lost to an actual full-time main event star. http://jayreviewsthings.blogspot.com/2017/04/wwe-wrestlemania-33-ultimate-thrill-ride.htmlhttp://jayreviewsthings.blogspot.com/2017/04/wwe-wrestlemania-33-ultimate-thrill-ride.html

It's low of me, but I told him to fuck off with that. Goddamn is he a cunt.

NO ONE CAN EVER HATE FRIENDSHIP! That was the best segment in ages. http://insidepulse.com/2017/02/13/monday-night-raw-21317-recap-festival-of-friendship-and-bayley-vs-charlotte-flair/

The Brock vs. Goldberg vs. Taker staredown was awesome, as was Neville. Loved Big E quoting Michael Scott, too. And Sasha in yoga pants? That's a win. Certainly was better than the fan tearing his shirt off for Goldberg, or Goldberg forgetting his lines. http://insidepulse.com/2017/01/23/wwe-monday-night-raw-recap-12317-brock-and-goldberg-square-off/ Screens - http://www.imagebam.com/gallery/ne4g4gt66sqs28h2d7oa2e3qkkcg3c0q Owens ruled tonight too - Cole - ROMAN'S QUEST TO BECOME A DOUBLE CHAMPION. Owens - There's no chance of that happening - just like there's no chance of you becoming a good commentary. Owens - You're bald and not even 30. Corey - And he lives at home with hits parents. Owens - I'm sweating and nervous because I'M SITTING NEXT TO A DEVIANT! Owens - CODEBREAKER! BREAK HIS CODE, CHRIS!

Viktor's hairline is going to star in the WWE Films reboot of Escape From New York.

Gotta love them going with the stereotypical Asian font FOR SOMEONE WHO ISN'T ASIAN.

This was a pretty hit or miss Takeover - but the last three matches were something else. Bayley vs. Asuka wasn't as good as the first, but still incredible. Joe vs. Nakamura didn't really get out of second gear - and wasn't the match you would think of imaging their first-ever match - it was still very good and had a great intro for Nak though. The tag team title match was easily the match of the night, with incredible '80s basic heel work that still works because it plays on human psychology, which never changes. The undercard was highlighted by Roode's entrance, and the Aries vs. Jose match. Jose came off like a bigger star with the big conga line and held up his end of the match just fine. Aries won as he should've, while Roode did - but badly needs a new finisher. The pumphandle slam was BENEATH THE ROAD DOGG as a finish 18 years ago, and is awful now. But if anyone can it over, he can - and the Glorious Bomb name is good, it's just a shame he can't use a TKO variant since the Death Valley Driver is off-limits due to Cena. http://insidepulse.com/2016/08/21/nxt-takeover-brooklyn-ii-recap-samoa-joe-vs-nakamura-bayley-vs-asuka/ Screens - http://www.imagebam.com/gallery/h1ubxii8e0yxu1azn5z0kwpcdqpcln32

No forks to give.

That the best episode of Ippy and Bippy ever! Final Deletion made this show as a whole tolerable. TNA should fire their creative staff and just use the Hardys - they will at least ensure a fun show. Belts already mean jack-shit anyway except for the World Title, so just do whatever - turn it into DDT for half the show and have fun. http://insidepulse.com/2016/07/05/tna-impact-wrestling-results-7516-jeff-hardy-vs-matt-hardy-in-final-deletion-and-ultimate-x-for-x-title/ Screens - http://www.imagebam.com/gallery/gewenbue4vdfi4srbenaetbcn7ikctes

Darn fine show. Both major matches delivered and they built up Battleground really nicely. The Wyatts-New Day stuff isn't clicking for me as something memorable, but I do like it when it's on-screen. Titus vs. Rusev bringing the stiffness also filled my heart with joy. This D-Young and Bob Backlund stuff is astonishingly horrible though. I don't know who this is supposed to appeal to, or how it's supposed to help Young, but it's not doing anything to help him beyond keep his name on TV. http://insidepulse.com/2016/06/27/wwe-monday-night-raw-06272016-recap-john-cena-vs-seth-rollins-aj-styles-vs-dean-ambrose/ Screens - http://www.imagebam.com/gallery/pwayovcontrq342egweskz097bu7e8j4