southofheavy

The Oklahoma Stampede would be PERFECT for him.

First match I ever saw was the Funks stomping on some jobbers. Dory had one in a Boston Crab, then Terry came off the second rope with a knee. Later on, Hogan got on the mic and that was it. I was around four, maybe five at the oldest. My cousin was a fan and had Apter mags laying around. You could barely change the channel without catching some sort of wrasslin' back then, and I became obsessed pretty much immediately. I don't ever see myself not being a fan. It's always been there and it would be weird if it wasn't.

At that point in time, that's exactly what they were. Fuckin' way she goes, Rick... (Talkin' about the Freebirds.)

And now The Steiners are throwing The Shitbirds all over creation. Rick's overhead German is a work of art, and Scott hit two Frankensteiners in about eight seconds.

Watching Clash 8. Ten minutes in, and man, Gary Hart is the fucking coolest. Just the fact that he calls Ric Flair "Ricky Flair" is enough. So subtly condescending. Watching SST vs the Roadies right now, and Hawk is tearing it up. Clobbers one of them with a big boot after they get rolled in from the outside, whips out that standing headgrab dropkick, then takes a man-sized bump through the turnbuckles, into the post, and onto the floor. I miss WCW so much. If the Network adds Saturday Night, Worldwide, and the Power Hour...see ya.

It's 4:14 in the AM. Superbrawl '95 is on, and Paul Roma's taking too goddamn long in the ring with Alex Wright, trynna look hard with long hair and red on black trunks.

Randy Anderson was a fucking awesome ref and probably drank a lot of beer. Tommy Young, Brian Hildebrand...beyond that, ya got me.

Royal Rumble '97. Vader is in the WWF is weird. Mini's match - Max Mini freaks out, El Torito Original sure as shit ain't Mascarita Dorada but is still alright, and Sunny wears a referee outfit with some rockin' hot pants. I fast forwarded the New Age Outlaws vs. whoever match because fuck DX. Rumble - Cactus and Chainsaw Charlie beat the shit out of each other until someone new enters the ring for a while. They do us all a favor and toss Tom Brandi into the nearest tarpit upon arrival. DOA member #3 or #2 at least has the good goddamn sense not to wear white sneakers and have an undercut like Jax Teller. Steve Blackman just annoyed Kurrgan with a jumping spin kick. Funker and Mark Mero have a quick boxing match. Funk busts out of the fifth of bourbon selling and I think he should've gotten a quick 5-second jobber spot in Rocky 3. Headbanger Thrash or Mosh...man, pretty much every single heavy metal gimmick is total dogshit. I don't headbang or mosh in place in public. I save that shit for shows or when I come home drunk and fuck my bedroom up listening to Crowbar. Also, how about a Carcass or a Neurosis shirt on one of these fools? Most of the metalheads I know and am friends with are pretty sharp, funny people and are also pretty adept musicians. Which doesn't mean send one of us to the ring with Maxx Payne's Guitar Center riffs. I could watch Mark Henry club the shit out of Ahmed Johnson all day long. The NOD would've been way cooler if Kama had just stayed Papa Shango. Austin shows up and fights everyone. Later.

Punk is in really awful shape, physically. Like, way too broken down. That's probably why he looks as skinny as he has the last year or so - he's too physically fucked up to hit it hard in the gym. He straight up said in the Arwani or whatever the fuck his name is interview that he wasn't fighting anything anymore. He was showing up and doing what he was told. He mailed in that Rumble really goddamn hard. He also said that it's Daniel Bryan's year. That said, he could've been politicking for the WM main event at the same time. He's burnt out and broken down. And he's not going to change a fucking thing regarding how the WWE works. He's got fuck you money. There really isn't much left for him to do. He'll be back at some point. If Vince wants to expedite the process, drive a dump truck full of money up to Austin's front door for Mania 31. Punk vs. Austin, at or very, very near the top of the card. Punk'll shut the fuck up, retire, and spend the rest of his days getting face tattoos with Lars Frederiksen

Just finished Cesaro/Zayn from NXT Arrival, and now I've got Sting/Muta from Bash '89 queued up. I'ma just throw this out there: Between the Network, Daniel Bryan, Golddust ripping it up, The Shield, and the Wyatt's, I haven't been this stoked wrasslin' since I was a lowercase G.

I'm rocking a little Bash '89 before work. Cornette's promo on Paul E. Dangerously is SO PISSED. I was gonna fast forward to the Sting/Muta match, but I'm gonna hafta watch this match now.

RE: Spring Stampede '94. Aaron Neville sucks. He's also dressed like a cross between Bret Michaels and Double J. BUT. Regal just begged off, so Pillman dropped to his knees and smacked him in the teeth. Fuck, if they put up every Nitro, every Mothership, and all kinds of Worldwide, I'm canceling the damn cable. God, I love WCW.

Vader in WCW. Every match he had with Sting should be on the Network. Eddie vs. Rey from Halloween Havoc (96 or 97). War Games '92.

The Mengele Lock?

I grew up watching the Bad Boys, and I love Joe D, but he's gotta go. The fact that the firing wasn't his decision is even more telling. Alfredo nailed it. I was thinking the other day that they should've hired Bill Laimbeer when he was vying for the job a few years ago.

Also, I think sports games are way too goddamn complicated anymore. I need something with the depth, difficulty and graphical power of 2K basketball or The Show, but combined with the controls of NHL 94. I can't just pick up these games and have 'em wired quick anymore. I have to, like, study to be good at these games and it's just not fun.

A wrestling game that acknowledges that wrestling is a work. It would have probably have to be combined with an arcade/competitive mode, but I want a game that makes me actually cooperate with the opponent to put on a good match. Combine it with a career mode that has some RPG-style stat building, a territory system, realistic physical decline, and an open-ended system of career progression and I'm set. Keep moves and CAW stuff coming out regularly as DLC. if I wanna play out my career like William Regal, Hulk Hogan, or fucking Dynamite Kid, gimme that option. The game I have in my head has the most insane amount of replay value ever.

Chris Spielman?

There's gonna be one on the Bad Boys-era Detroit Pistons soon. SO. STOKED. I hope it has a 5-minute montage of Laimbeer and Mahorn cheap-shotting motherfuckers and talking shit.

Serpentine Path is what's up. So were Unearthly Trance. Criminally underrated band.

February 20th. Fucking INOKI.

People want to see Bryan as champion for one simple reason: They see him as the best. For as much overanalyzing as we do of the casual/average fan, we aren't them, and we're guilty of thinking that they're not as smart as they are. Or, at least, not as smart to the business as we are. You don't have to be smart to the business to see what makes Daniel Bryan rule. He's got pro wrestling charisma. He might not be an earth shattering promo, but he doesn't need to be. He could get there if he developed some "fuck you' towards the scripts he's given. Regardless, he makes you believe when he's in the ring. He makes the people care because he fucking gets it, and the people care because they get it. Pro wrestling ain't hard. He elicits the same response out of me that I got from watching The Great Muta bust out a moonsault for the first time on the Power Hour. He fucking rules at what he does, and that registers with every eye on the WWE right now. He doesn't have to be THE top guy the way Austin was. He just has to be A top guy. The crowd wants the belt on him. They want him to get the recognition. They want him to win. Give him the goddamn win, and keep him in the mix. They'll have a coke and smile and shut the fuck up. It really is that simple. Fuck your quarter hours. Fuck your overruns. Nielsen is a fucking horseshit relic to begin with. Beer.

Sure. Not that I'm entirely sold on Rowan, but something along those lines. Have him shave that beard and maybe wear some corpsepaint? There needs to be waaaaaay more black metal in wrestling. They're made for eachother.

Regardless of whether the streak gets ended or not, I've always thought it would be really cool if the Undertaker hands over the urn and the powers to someone else. Someone that has an occult/supernatural gimmick already, or something close enough to it. What do y'all think?

The Streak can be broken as long as it's to the right person and it's done in the right fashion. Personally, I'd put it at 60/40. Broken vs. Not-Broken. It wouldn't surprise me either way. At this point, Bryan takes it down, Roman Reigns next year or the year after, or Cena takes it and turns heel. Cena doing it and turning heel would fucking rule, but it's the least likely option.