2013: UPCOMING MOVIES/CASTING/RUMORS/ETC

[Brian Fowler]

 

Hell, does it have to necessarily be Apes?  You can probably avoid comparisons (and lawsuits) from the Planet of the Apes people if you use, say, a swarmoftigersmauleveryonetodeath. 

 

Oh My god, Fowler, you don't get art.

 

 

Hey, I just don't want a lawsuit to keep it out of a theater near me.

[piranesi]

 

 

 

Hell, does it have to necessarily be Apes?  You can probably avoid comparisons (and lawsuits) from the Planet of the Apes people if you use, say, a swarmoftigersmauleveryonetodeath. 

 

Oh My god, Fowler, you don't get art.

 

 

Hey, I just don't want a lawsuit to keep it out of a theater near me.

 

 

We'll call it TERRA CHIMP.

 

They won't have a chance.  And if they try...

 

"Your honor, this so-called intellectual property is no more than a thinly veiled attempt to cash in on the more faSWARMOFAPESMAULEVERYONETODEATH

 

 

Each scene will have a clever pun as a subtitle so you can find it easy on the DVD:

 

TERRA CHIMP: PAUL BLART, MAULED COP

TERRA CHIMP: MADDEN FOOTMAUL 2000BLOOD

TERRA CHIMP: OCCUPY MAUL STREET

 

 

and so on...for 30 hours. 

 

Now a ticket is going to cost $25 or so, but the 30-hour run-time insures that even if you only have the same time free every day, like say, on your way home from work, you'll still be assured of seeing a different scene each time.

[Brian Fowler]

Good enough.

 

Where do I pledge money?

[BrianS81177]

Only one way to stop a swarm of mauling apes:

 

[Brian Fowler]

THAT'S WHAT ISWARMOFAPESMAULEVERYONETOD

 

 

IT AIN'T GONNA BE THAT EASY! YOU DAMN DIRTY APES HAVEN'T PAID YOUR AIR BILLS!

[BrianS81177]

Mark Henry vs an endless wave of savage apes would be the greatest thing ever captured on film.

[Fat Spanish Waiter]

Mark Henry vs an endless wave of savage apes would be the greatest thing ever captured on film.

There ain't enough apes to fill 90 minutes, brah.

[Fat Spanish Waiter]

I've been putting the idea of Mark Henry being haunted by an evil spirit and just beating the fuck out of it into the world for 5 years and yet no one else has made it.

[Fat Spanish Waiter]

*footsteps on the staircase. Camera sees nothing*

HENRY: Who's there?

*Loud noise*

HENRY gets out of bed grabs the invisible presence and bites its throat out.

[piranesi]

I'm losing control of my vision.

 

This is the same thing that happened with THE MAGNIFICENT AMBERSONS.  I'll be in my trailer gorging on hot dogs.

[BrianS81177]

Idea for a horror movie: Psychotic killer slaughters a bunch of people (15 minutes). Breaks into a house to kill his next victim (4 minutes 45 seconds). Runs into Mark Henry (15 seconds). Is beaten into a puddle of goo (70 minutes). Roll credits.

[Fat Spanish Waiter]

Idea for a horror movie: Psychotic killer slaughters a bunch of people (15 minutes). Breaks into a house to kill his next victim (4 minutes 45 seconds). Runs into Mark Henry (15 seconds). Is beaten into a puddle of goo (70 minutes). Roll credits.

Shark swims around terrorizing a resort. Eats many nubile young females. Swims around a corner and sees Mark Henry standing at the bottom of the ocean.

[Fat Spanish Waiter]

Guys, more more more. And lets tweet the link to him.

[piranesi]

I would like to see him destroy stupid monsters like the HILLS HAVE EYES cannibals and the people from THE DEVIL'S REJECTS.

 

And the Tyler Mane Michael Meyers.

 

Like if I was rich I would pay to stage that every year as a festival of purging.

[BrianS81177]

UFO lands in Silsby, Texas. Full scale martian invasion. Thousands of dead bodies littering the streets. None of them human. Camera pans to Mark Henry sitting on a chair made out of alien skulls.

[piranesi]

We could replace the Maypole festival with the Mark Henry dismembers monsters festival.  A renewal of sorts.

 

It could be like RUNNING MAN, but the runner is a bad film monster, and the only stalker is Mark Henry.

[BrianS81177]

I got it. Remake Predator, only this time instead of an alien it's Mark Henry. And nobody survives.

[Fat Spanish Waiter]

Mark Henry is attacked by an alien face hugger. After prying it off with his bare hands, he starts feeling a little ill. Then he passes the baby alien in a bowel movement and the Nostromo continues its mission unheeded.

[piranesi]

Fade in:  The bottom of a lake.  Jason Vorhees sits on the lake bed holding a heavy rock.  Hold for 40 minutes.  Eventually he turns to camera and says:

 

"I respawned, but that doesn't mean I have to go out there, right?  I just want to stay here in the lake.  It's nice and quiet here in the lake....shhhh...did you hear that?  I thought he didn't swim!...."

 

he closes his eyes and begins to rock back and forth:

 

"He's not in the lake.  He's not in the lake.  We're fine here in the lake."

 

He opens his eyes.  Mark Henry in full scuba gear stands in front of him in a POV shot.  Cut to the surface of the lake where we see violent bubbles and hear a muffled gurgling sound.

 

fade to black.

[Fat Spanish Waiter]

Mark Henry can breathe underwater but otherwise yes!

[BrianS81177]

Christ the last 2 pages of this thread have been amazing.

[BrianS81177]

I envision a poster of Mark Henry in an astronaut suit with the tag line "In space.... you still have to pay your air bill"

[piranesi]

In two year there will only be two film franchises running in the world:

 

TERRA CHIMP

 

and

 

MARK HENRY'S DEATH PARTY

 

 

That's when we start to build up to the crossover VS. movie

[piranesi]

I envision a poster of Mark Henry in an astronaut suit with the tag line "In space.... you still have to pay your air bill"

 

 

Mark Henry is floating outside the International Space Station when some debris causes a major catastrophe.  As he floats in free space, the voice in his helmet speaker says "You have to grab onto something before you float away from the earth's gravitational pull!"

 

Mark Henry grabs the earth and brings it to him.

[BrianS81177]

Godzilla-like monster walks on shore. Destroys city. Sees Mark Henry standing in the street with his arms folded. Turns and flees.