BEN!

Now With Ass

Virgil looking for fans to hustle. I can't believe they made the sign.

How many more white guys does New Japan need? Who do they think they are, Lucha Underground? The situation with EVOLVE could've been avoided if Gabe didn't try and get cute and have WWE guys beat IMPACT's tag champs. If the goal in booking LAX was to draw locally then the match to do would've been LAX vs. Dickinson/Jaka. Team Pazuzu explodes in New York. Speaking of New York and that Eli Drake BFG open challenge to anyone from New York, you know who's also not from New York? Joey Janela from New Jersey.

Lemme tell you something, baby, dont' worry about the Royal Rumble. Ain't nobody left in this need to be winning either one of them anyway. The vacation is what matters and vignettes of the winners on vacation. Let's say Mahal and Foxy win and pick a boat trip as their vacation. Recently retired Rhyno recently purchased a marina. Rhyno takes them out on a boat, jokes about the Jericho Cruise get made, Foxy can wear a ridiculous captain's hat. Then R-Truth pops up and when Mahal questions why he's on the boat, Truth tells him he's on his vacation from winning the MMC which angers Mahal and a fight breaks out which leads to Rhyno and R-Truth dumping Mahal overboard which leads to the Singh Bros. dressed like pirates picking Mahal up and chasing the other boat to a desert island where Carmella shows up on the beach and calls for a dance break and then we see Hornswoggle pop up from under the water and plant a bomb on the boat and the 2018 MMC officially ends with a boat blowing up. There's your goddamn pyro, pal.

If all you see is color from city girl Brandi Rhodes working on Aldis' horse farm then that's on you. It's not like she would be dressed like Aunt Jemima. Mary Poppins, of course. "Ah, beautiful animals aren't they? You know how they stay so lean? They poop a lot! Now take this [hilariously large shovel] and get those stalls cleaned out and you best be quick about it cause you need to get my son ready for school in an hour. I take my son's education very seriously. As a father, the last thing I want is for my son to ever wind up in a Hot Topic spending his last $20 on a Bullet Club shirt so he can beg for a "Too Sweet" on the internet."

The Dudleys didn't even protect their own finish cause they'd do that double team neckbreaker that was basically the 3D except the opponent would land back first but the fans would yell out "3D" every time they did it. If you're seeing a camo pattern in Ambrose's britches then you should probably get your eyes checked. Ziggler should get his eyes checked too. Breeze should have his badge taken away.

Rome Braves with a 2-pitch inning because of those same silly rules. https://www.milb.com/milb/news/rome-braves-reliever-hayden-deal-completes-two-pitch-inning/c-289791644?tcid=tw_article_289791644

This Orton stuff would be from like over a decade ago. What you gonna do to a guy from something that might've happened over a decade ago that hasn't registered any complaints? All this retroactive pretend outrage is gonna do is get everybody stuck in a meeting with Hulk Hogan telling them not to get caught touching themselves in public.

Aries on top feels too much like old TNA. Even though he was there before he was still a guy fresh off being released from WWE coming in and immediately winning the World Title while cutting whiny promos. I know it was just because Alberto flaked but Pentagon as champ felt like a big step forward but he didn't even make it out of his first set of tapings with the belt. I think Penta vs. Callihan at Slammiversary for the title would've meant more than having to build up that greasy muskrat corpse on Callihan's head as having any value to anyone. I've said Moose should be their guy but they had Aries cut him down verbally and then beat him in front of his mother. Callis was looking real orange that day too, brother. I know they think Cage is the guy but I'm not feeling it. He feels like if you took Big Poppa Pump's crazy physique but kept young Scott Steiner's crazy athleticism but then subtracted all the crazy intensity. So he just comes off like a big guy doing moves with no emotion behind them. Kross at least has the crazy intensity. And he understands that there is no continuity as you can tell by the crowd changing between segments. Only May ham. I don't get this Eddie Edwards' character at all. I didn't want the old Tommy Dreamer much less a new one. That whole feud was for a stick. The man almost lost his eye and all he got was a stick. That's not even Dreamer's gimmick to give away. I think instead of Moose and Dreamer, Edwards should've gotten Shark Boy and New Jack to help him fight OVE. Shark Boy tried to drown Josh Mathews and you know New Jack wouldn't stop Edwards from killing Callihan in the woods. But I guess zombie Callihan is Lucha Underground's gimmick.

Aldis is so heatless as champ. Why show respect to Flip Gordon or Cody Rhodes? He could've been cutting tons of promos about what geeks the Bullet Club fans are and how Cody is a loser who couldn't add the ROH belt to the pot and all he has to offer up is his stupid novelty ring for All In. At least demand Cody put Brandi up for grabs for 30 days. Then we could get vignettes of Brandi working on Aldis' farm and shining up the NWA belt while Aldis cuts promos on Cody for a show that is never going to happen cause Corgan's NWA is basically vaporware. People clown on Jarrett for GFW but at least he really wanted to run a promotion. I don't get Corgan's NWA at all. You'd think someone that was going to throw a dude in a volcano would have some kind of creative vision but this DVD extra for a movie that's never coming out 10 Pounds Of Gold stuff is so dull. Hey, remember when Austin Idol was Aldis' manager? Not that I miss him but did he just disappear with no mention?

It's the 14th Slammiversary event. It's 16 years since the genesis of TNA not dying against all odds. Which IMPACT Roman numeralizes cause like WWE they don't know how anniversaries work either. Happy Slammiversary XV, everybody.

That's what I thought they should've done when Cody Rhodes stole Damien Sandow's case. Rhodes snatched it and chucked it into the ocean and then like the next week he had it fished out and returned all beat up. I wanted Sandow to try to cash in immediately and then Rhodes would come out with the GM (Long?) and told him to open up the briefcase and it would've just had a dead fish or seaweed in it and then he would've pulled the actual paper contract out of his back pocket and handed it to Long and Long would've been all "Sorry playa, this got Cody Rhodes' signature on it now." Which would have been legally binding in WWE by the precedent of Shawn Michaels adding himself to a WrestleMania title match by signing the contract for Benoit/HHH. Or he could've just torn it up and flipped Sandow off. What they did instead is establish that the briefcase itself is the actual contract.

Other than Karl lusting after Maria, there's nothing memorable about their NJPW run either cause they really aren't a good tag team. They're the poster boys for New Japan/Bullet Club hype. Anderson's solid enough but big league Gallows hasn't been any good since he was retarded.

I want to say there was some kind of Savage/Slaughter lockerroom interview where Mean Gene relayed word from Tunney that Slaughter doesn't get to pick his challengers and Savage would not be getting a title match and everybody freaked out.

They made people fly in to stand around for a show announcement for something that isn't even happening until the end of October. They could've announced it at SummerSlam when all these people were going to be there anyway and both events are even in the same state. Which begs the question what award Stephanie McMahon needed to get her entry in for by Monday?

I can't remember ever seeing a championship belt with a realistic face design before. Probably a reason for that cause those women's tag belts are weird looking. All they had to do was take the plume off the men's design and they would've had amazon helmets. I legit don't think the current writing team has any idea who Kurt Angle is so they just write him like he's Foley which is why he's so weird when it comes to the women. Kayfabe-wise there's no way Stephanie McMahon would've clued him in about women's tag belts or Great Lady Balls Of Fire the event.

WWE MUSCLEs finally getting released as San Diego Comic Con exclusives. https://www.funko.com/blog/article/coming-soon-glow-action-figures

Their most hardcore fans are trash. Have been for years. They cry about Cesaro but they're out there playing with beach balls. They whine about Rollins and Ziggler but they're out there reacting to a clock ticking down. Might as well just give the brats what they think they want and turn Reigns heel. Get the IC title back on Rollins. Get the Tags on McIntyre/Ziggler. Slip Reigns over Lashley to punch his ticket to SummerFest and the stage is set... It's The Big Dog vs. The Beast IV. Heyman gets the match to be No Holds Barred and it immediately breaks down into a donnybrook if you will. Lesnar hits the F-5 on Reigns but Rollins runs in and hits the Black Out on Lesnar. Lesnar recovers and chases Rollins around the ring until Ambrose returns and clobbers Heyman to distract Lesnar. Spear from the Big Dog sets up a triple powerbomb through one of the commentary desks followed by another triple powerbomb onto the steel steps. The reunited Shield throws Lesnar back into the ring and hits another triple powerbomb and Reigns puts one foot on Lesnar's chest for the win. The next night, Ambrose explains that he sat back and watched the ungrateful fans boo The Big Dog for simply working hard and they distracted Rollins during his iron man match and that injustice was unacceptable and that the entire WWE Universe was on notice and that he was feeling naked surrounded by IC Champ Rollins and Universal Champ Reigns and that the other champions were going to get served a dose of justice real soon. Reigns says he sent Brock back to MMA and he'll do the same thing to Bob and if Strowman is thinking about cashing in on him, he better think better and take those hands and just stick them in his pockets and shuffle away. McIntyre and Ziggler are asked about The Shield calling out all the champs and McIntyre goes on the offensive and challenges them to a tag title match tonight on Raw with Ziggler looking annoyed by this. Ambrose and Reigns answer the challenge and when it looks like Reigns has Ziggler beat, Strowman's music hits and The Monster Among Men enters briefcase in hand and he smacks Rollins away in the aisle but Reigns exits before he can get those hands. The next night on 205 Live (!?!), The Shield interfere in Cedric Alexander's match and triple powerbomb him through a table and steal his belt. Alexander gets stretchered out. Next week on Raw, Angle meets with Drake Maverick and The Shield. Ambrose is wearing the Cruiserweight belt. Maverick explains that Alexander can't be cleared for action for a couple of weeks due to The Shield's attack and he demands that Ambrose return the belt and doesn't even understand why he wants it cause he's not a cruiserweight. Ambrose accuses him of fat shaming. Reigns says he's looking real jacked, baby. Rollins says Ambrose should sue for slander but Ambrose doesn't do lawsuits cause of all the paperwork but justice will be served and The Shield stomp out Maverick. As they walk away, Reigns says he hasn't forgotten about Angle stretching out his vest. Backstage, Strowman is asked about his attempt at cashing in, blah blah these hands, etc. The Shield attack with lead pipes and decimate Strowman's knee and dump him into a dumpster and Reigns takes Strowman's MITB briefcase. McIntyre wants another match with The Shield. Ziggler doesn't and walks out during the match. Ambrose and Reigns win the tag titles over a game McIntyre. The Shield stand triumphant holding all of the red brand's trophies with The Big Dog as a dual champion and also possessing Strowman's MITB case. Now the WWE Universe is going to learn what it really feels like to get someone shoved down their throat.

There was a documentary about him a few years ago.

The Meltzer quote comes off like a stuck in the bubble wrestling guy wildly speculating as opposed to the Tweeter's translation of said quote coming off like Sinclair is definitely considering going to war with WWE. There's no way anyone that matters at Sinclair gives a shit about ROH in general much less MSG.

12 minutes. Good guy goes forward. Bad guys go backwards. People go banana. Boss hogs spotlight. That's PRO WRESTLING in a nutshell. If they can't get that then they can't get got.

I'll tell you why Gargano lost. He's not wearing jeans. Those Baby Gap-ass lookin' cargo pants aren't proper street fight wear. Where are the Fashion Police when you need them?

That's the thing with Little Women. We get older, they stay little.

Now I want Ole Anderson wearing a big blinged out horseshoe around his neck as Disco Inferno's hype man. "Oil of Ole all day everyday!"