Lawful Metal

If Osweiler continues to suck against this Colts defense, then I guess it's officially official. He sucks. Wait, we're playing in a prime time game? Fuck my life. Pass the bleach.

If Harper jobs to a RKO in a nothing tag match that means nothing, then I'll be miffed.

Mix and Dolph should've gone on last. They earned it. And it would have sold the stipulation better, and it would've made Dolph and Miz a bigger better deal. And they shouldn't have used the Spirit Squad if they couldn't get all of them. that aside, it was an excellent match and the best match of the night. I can't believe I'm saying that for a Dolph / Miz match in 2016. If Harper is back just to take Rowan's spot as Bray's lackey, it's a waste. It's time for Harper to rebel, or at the least, be equals with Bray. AJ needs a new challenger for the interim, and save a falls count anywhere no DQ for him and Dean at Survivor Series.

4th and 16 means wide receiver screen. Thank god Bill O'Brien is calling the plays now.

Fucking A. Be nice if the Texans actually make it to Minnesota by halftime.

JJ is done for the year. He just had his second back surgery. He won't be back this year. And frankly, when he tried to go this year in the first couple of games, he had a pretty decent paunch (for him). So, I don't know about that. Doesn't mean the ghost of JJ Watt can't make Bradford inexplicably explode and injure himself. Honestly I'm surprised he hasn't exploded yet.

Texans are gonna beat the Vikings! I can just feel it! The ghost of JJ Watt is gonna blow up Bradford in the backfield and the defense will have no idea what to do with Will Fuller now that he has finally learned how to catch a ball (well, a punt. Still a little trouble with that old forward pass). I predict nothing but screen passes and check-downs from Osweiler (maybe he won't throw an interception if that's all he's doing). For defense, well, I already said it, Bradford is going to inexplicably blow up and have to be carted off in several pieces and no one will have hit him. Except for the ghost of JJ Watt. Because, the alternative is the Vikings are just going to embarrass the Texans as bad as the Pats did. At least this one's not on prime time.

Texans alone atop the AFC South! That was a putrid game. No idea how the refs fucked up a too many men on the field penalty when there in fact wasn't too many men on the field and the resulting play was a blocked punt for a TD. I mean, WTF? How can a play be called dead for too many men on the field if the play isn't run???

IN. Gotta keep up my streak of not-really-horror movies.

I watch this with my 6 year old. Seems like that's the ideal audience education-wise. But he likes his President Show and he wants Kirkman to be a good president.

Also,

Ok, I'm back. This is definitely the darkest timeline. So, um, I guess for the Texans to have a successful season, JD Clowney will have to break out as a superstar, Whitney Mercilus will keep on keeping on with his under the radar stellar production, and Brock Osweiler will have to prove that he's a franchise quarterback. Yeah, I think I'll go back to that famous Houston sports team fallback: drinking bleach.

Don't worry I'm already dead

I thought the first three matches were pretty hot fire. New Day v. Club was a wonderful sprint, and I bought all the near falls. No problem with New Day winning; Gallows and Anderson looked more like a threat here than they have ever looked, so I don't think any damage was done. And New Day is still hot. TJP and Kendrick was OK. There were some misfires and miscommunications, but after the huricanrana to the floor, it picked up. I appreciate TJP's submission requiring several tweaks to make it the most effective. The booking decision to have Kendrick (desperate and fighting for just one more chance gets the first title shot, and likely an immediate rematch?), I don't know. I figure a rematch from the final would make the most sense for the first showcase, but what do I know. Cesaro v. Sheamus was fantastic. Cesaro 619?!!! That was great. Cesaro's suicide dive? Not so much. I wonder if he was deciding to do a regular dive, or do a flip, and didn't decide fast enough. Wish there was a finish, but now there's some anticipation for match 8. Hopefully, they don't just blow it off tonight on Raw, but at least build to it for another week. Maybe make it the main event of a Raw, and have the roster come out to watch, and make it mean something. Jericho and Sami was great, and they had a wonderful opportunity to use the Blue Thunder Bomb as a legit finisher. Finish was dull. How many matches end with boom surprise finisher out of nowhere? All of them? Very deflating finish. Killed the show, and all the matches afterward seemed to reflect that deflation. Charlotte beats both Sasha and Bayley with Hogan-esque big boots? Roman "overcomes the odds" and gets Lana ejected and beats Rusev? And the main event makes no sense. Who's the face? Who's the heel? Like with Rusev and Roman, they're all backwards. Raw needs to better define their characters and put them in the appropriate roles. It's not just Roman who's aligned wrong, it's nearly everybody in the upper card.

She's boring. I can't condone her fights; looks too much like domestic violence.

Cyborg sucks.

Well that sucked.

I want broken Arian Foster back.

Yeah, this sucks. sometimes it just seems like the Texans have never played football before and arrived to a road game just totally unprepared. fuck it throw it deep.

Hoyer will choke.

So, Jacoby Brissett. He any good? How good is he at dodging 300 lb men flying at him? More importantly, will Will Fuller V finally learn how to catch a ball?

Houston Texans = no TDs in last six quarters. Also, Will Fuller still doesn't know how to catch, still goes 4 for 104.

I forgot about this from last year's playoff game. JJ Watt going down injured, and dipshit Eric Fisher blocking the back of JJ's head into the ground for no real apparent reason. Fuck the Chiefs.

Texans get another try against Kansas City, but this time! No Brian Hoyer! So you're saying there's a chance ...

I'm just happy Brock Osweiler didn't shit the bed. And Will Fuller?! 5 receptions for 107 yards and a TD! Just imagine how good he'll be when he learns how to catch!