John E. Dynamite

The original version of Tarzan Boy opens with big, corny power chords. It was one of my backyard walkouts. Trust me, I know. He does have some weird cheapo cover on Youtube though. Dare I say it sounds so bad it's almost heterosexual.

In regards to the ripples of all this affecting AEW's roster situation 1) Are you cutting guys because you're worried about TV time available to active talent? Or are you cutting guys because you're worried about money? Because Serpentico doesn't cost AEW any fucking money. The company has a really organic and worthwhile undercard and I don't think they're overpaying every obvious fall guy you personally don't like. Guys like Brandon Cutler might be dweebs but they very obviously have enough backstage value. This isn't EWR (unless there's a mod where jobbers edit your main eventer's youtube videos + their wife is your seamstress). The bad-value contracts are more likely the WWE castoffs and veteran managers AEW brought in to legitimize the company during the early goings, and maybe some early signings that didn't break out. The Gunns, Vickie, Kip, Sydal, Hager, TH2, Swole, Arn, Janela, Brian Cage, etc., these are all possibilities. The point isn't to find the least valuable members of the roster but rather the least valuable contracts. For all we know Jack Evans works for cartons of Newports and gift certificates. And since AEW contracts aren't a matter of public knowledge, any opinion on who they should or shouldn't keep is based on heavy speculation. 2) I've been banging this drum for awhile but nobody ever wants to hear it - a majority of AEW contracts are up in 2024, including the EVPs. It is absurd to think that WWE, whether it's run by Vince, NBC, or Ian Fucking Rotten at that time, won't significantly attempt to poach the AEW roster. They are going to overpay for multiple stars. Stars that have proven themselves as TV draws, have relationships with people already in WWE, and who's signings would very much screw with AEW's long-term plans, locker room morale and perceived legitimacy. It's a no-brainer. It even makes you wonder if WWE are staggering these releases so that AEW snatched up the wrong guys before the really good ones got let go. This kind of cutthroat capitalism is WWE's bread and butter, the reason why we don't tune in to AWA Raw and WCCXT every week. I know Jericho and Jungle Boy are two notable guys who are on shorter contracts. Should AEW overstock their roster now in order to prepare themselves for maybe losing one of them and... let's say MJF, Cody, Wardlow, and Britt in two-to-three years? Shit, man, maybe.

Shawn Spears' "First, Easiest Boss in an Arcade Beat 'Em Up" energy is off the charts.

rest in ding dang dong dong ding dang dong dong ding dang

The "focus group" is Brandi, the dog, QT, whichever Gunn kid got to borrow the brain that day and maybe Kenny Omega playing his Wonderswan in the corner. They're sitting on the floor in what's going to be the baby's room, barely furnished (the crib looks like two rings and a War Games cage. There is a roof). Cody is wearing nothing but a Versace bathrobe with several cigar burns on it and a set-worn Batman mask that Stephen Amell gave him for his birthday years ago. The group has told him four times already that the promo is good enough. If that's the case, Cody asks, then why has nobody cried yet?

If they hadn't unified the titles they would have both been vacated and NJPW coulda wrote their way out of the hole they put themselves in. God damnit.

I appreciate MMA and Boxing Mauro so much. It pains me to write negatively about him, but awful is awful. I don't know when he became The Worst Wrestling Announcer In The World, it took awhile. Definitely after the JBL incident, definitely during his NXT run. Maybe I was watching the first NXT War Games match when I realized how bad he was at cutting off the rest of the booth? Maybe that's the day he started writing out his 30-second pop culture allusions instead of just winging them? Anyway, yeah, I'd rather have Jim Duggan rig up a modified kitchen appliance that can fit in my ears. Elevation is supposed to be the "better" show than Dark, right? 5 matches were entirely comprised of wrestlers who are on TV at least sometimes. When touring comes back, I kind of assume Rampage is gonna be the dark matches taped before and after Dynamite, Elevation will be semi-relevant stuff taped in two-or-three week batches @ Daily's Place, and Dark will turn into Excalibur and Taz watching World of Sport rips on dailymotion.

I think Kenny lumping JR in with Cornette and toxic Twitter trolls in a pointless, bitter post is less professional than any opinion JR voiced on his podcast.

Not to presage the backstage, but it would assuage no outrage to page Nic Gage. A play to engage the unaged hematophage, so to say, lest the wages of our Cages and Pages be beige.

I was wondering if anybody had ever had back-to-back yusho from Sekiwake -> Ozeki in the modern-ish era. It's never happened, no precedent as far as I can tell. You might start hearing about Futabayama, who yusho'ed at Sekiwake and Ozeki in 1936-37 and wasn't promoted. There's also Chiyonoyama, who won two straight from Ozeki in '49-'50 but wasn't promoted because he was really young, the ranks were wonky and they didn't like him winning his second one at 12-3. Also Tamanishiki, who won three straight while ozeki in '30-'31 but wasn't promoted because fuck that guy, I guess. Happy ending, all three of them made yokozuna eventually. I have two strong opinions today. 1) I still hate Terunofuji and will forever because of that henka 2) if this dude picks up 3 yusho, 2 jun-yusho, two shokun-sho and three gino-sho in a year's time, he is a fucking YOKOZUNA. Any criteria that would say otherwise are built on nonsense (including but not limited to racism).

They could just take that money and overspend on people developed by AEW. WWE is going to figure that out one day. It's gonna be a fun discussion when they do.

They oughta call her Doctor Serena Deeb because she has become appointment viewing. Huzzah.

It's literally a line in the "Hard Times" promo. It wasn't a stupid line, either, obviously the automation of labor in the Reagan days meant the boss got the job done cheaper and the average joes got fired. It stood next to some yucky sentiments - the Japanese auto industry taking away from the US' being a sort of postwar "revenge", the computer industry being seen as a dangerous Eastern entity, the idea that the US was borrowing a more cold, efficient, dehumanizing factory culture that was somehow Japan's idea first. And yeah, there's tons of anti-Japanese economic rhetoric in interpromotional interviews of the era, quite possibly being cut by the sons of people who served in WWII and took those prejudices home with them. That "a computer took your job" Dusty line worked, though. It's a perfect example of how to appeal to the plight of the working man without being a douche about it. It's a perfect example of how to make a political and economic statement fit within the context of a wrestling promo. Cody knows it can be done, he just can't do it.

Semi-nonsense. Miro is the best guy in the game when it comes to making his midcard holding patterns entertaining and keeping his credibility. Not saying that the gamer gimmick + Kip were necessarily good calls, but few active wrestlers, if any, were going to whip up such nice Chicken Salad (tm). Dude adds curry, walnuts, celery, maybe apples. Uses the good mayo. He was always going to emerge as a main player.

I want the dog to turn heel on the kid. Baby Dustiny vs. The Pharaoh Factory, Double or Nothing 2022. Not the main event, but definitely the longest match on the card.

The Frankensteiner fits too. Not just because Scott stopped using it when the ratings peaked, but because what post-singlet-Scott viewers would assume Big Poppa Pump was doing stuff like that? Also, special credit to the German Suplex and Irish Whip. Nobody calls it a "double wristlock" anymore so I'll throw Masahiko Kimura on the list even if it's an MMA thing. What percentage of fans think/thought the Dragon Sleeper was named after Ultimo?

this sport has devolved so far into becoming a medium for nonsensical right-wing propaganda that I even feel bad pirating it but please, tell the people of Houston how you'll stop the Marxists

I feel like a three-pronged spinning lawn sprinkler full of barf. Fuck~ That's gnarly.

I live every day of my life in that godforsaken reality. No he isn't.

It's the small one. The further away I get from it, the more it's sinking in that the Cody promo is quite possibly one of the worst of all time. If you're going to argue the Worst Band of All Time, it's pointless to try to figure out which recorded musicians had the least chops. Worst Movie, you can always find one with less budget + less technical know-how. Why? Even if you go down these paths, you'll end up on things of value. The Shaggs, Manos, the Antichrist promo, so on. Talented people spreading stupid messages always dig a deeper pit. Only a good promo guy can cut something that fucking putrid. I cannot imagine the combination of talent, wealth, and ego it takes to be that bombastically ignorant . Collision in Korea 2021 could open with Gwenyth Paltrow & the Susan G. Komen Children's Choir singing "Born In The USA" in vintage FUBU and it wouldn't be that fucking out-of-touch.

Kenny drops the strap to Okada. The show is called SPACE JAM THREE and draws *a billion fans*. That's my shitty prediction, good night.

God fucking damnit I kept expecting him to break out into that one monologue from the beginning of The Glass Menagerie. That's the deepest insult I can muster.

This is my very safe and diplomatic take but I think it's too soon since the Brody/Cody squash. No need to write over that one yet.

I'm going for the cheap DVDVR pop and suggesting this for MJF's entrance whenever AEW runs their B/R Live $10 PPV from the Opry.