SirSmUgly

World War 3 ’98 notes: Here we are, at the final WW3 PPV and creeping ever closer to 1999. I have no expectations for this show, so it has a very low bar to clear for me. We open with a shot of a limo. Goldberg is in it. Mike T. points out that Hulk Hogan isn’t here, which is great news! It means we get a two-month vacation from him before he shows back up to be the champ again. I’ll take two months of Hogan-free television where I can get it, even with the caveat. Gene Okerlund, while shilling the hotline, picks a smaller guy to win the battle royal tonight. NOPE. Glacier opens the show and jobs to Wrath. Tony S. reminds everyone that these fellas have been off-and-on feuding for a couple years, now. The Detroit crowd is hyped for some wrestling action, as Detroit crowds tend to be. Detroit crowds are underrated, IMO. They do have quite the wrestling history to draw from what with the Sheik running the area for years and all. Anyway, Wrath mostly walks through Glacier’s offense en route to a Meltdown for three. It was just fine, especially because they did a bit of crowd brawling that the crowd loved. Glacier’s offense is terrible, though. Everything he does looks weak. The Hitman talks about all the guys he tried to cripple in a pre-tape promo. Last night while I made dinner, I listened to Eric Bischoff on the ol’ 83 Weeks pretending that the Hitman has no charisma to cover for the fact that Bisch booked the guy into the ground like the creative failure that Bischoff has consistently proven to be. The Hitman cuts a solid heel promo and flashes some charisma even though he’s not interested in being a heel, like it’s so fucking obvious. Stevie Ray and Konnan fill time on this show. At least Konnan is way over, so the crowd is into him doing whatever the heck he wants to. You can guess the quality of this match, probably. I mean, it’s not heinous or anything, but it’s not even close to approaching something good. Stevie dumps Konnan to ringside so Vincent can get involved and so Heenan can note that Vincent’s storing Stevie’s slapjack in his back pocket. This feels like a Chekhov’s Gun; in fact, after a somnambulant Stevie Ray control segment, Vincent tries to swat Konnan with the slapjack, but hits Stevie instead. However, instead of getting a pinfall off Vincent’s fuckup, Konnan gets disqualified for pushing the ref away while punching a halfway-out Stevie. This is dumb. Booker comes down to try and back Konnan off, then attempts to talk a positive sense of self into Stevie. Alas, Stevie did not win the TV title of his own accord and thus has not had the true revelatory experience of having worked to attain and keep something through the values of hard work and fair play, so Stevie chooses to stick with the nWo and tells his brother to stick it, basically. Ernest Miller and Sonny Onoo (w/corner man who is holding a bucket that almost surely seems like another Chekhov’s Gun, but isn't) are next to the ring to face Kaz Hayashi and Saturn. I can’t wait until they put Kaz in the Jung Dragons and also Leia Meow shows up. Forgive me for talking about how lovely Ms. Meow is, but in middle and high school, I think it was near unanimous amongst me and my friends that Tommy Dreamer walking around with both Beulah McGillicuddy and Kimona Wanalaya was highly improbable even considering the improbability of many pro wrestling angles. Both women seemed entirely unattainable in general, looks-wise, but also especially unattainable for Tommy fucking Dreamer. Anyway, there’s a match, and it’s not good. This is a waste of Saturn, who should be holding the United States Championship that two guys who are too elevated for it, DDP and Bret Hart, are fighting over later tonight. I know, I know, I repeat myself, but you see, each review is new to me and half the time, I’ve forgotten what I said earlier. Saturn spends a lot of time as FIP while Sonny Onoo refuses to tag in because he doesn’t want to get his ass kicked. Miller, who is tired of doing all the work, finally tags the guy in. Onoo tries to land a stomp and tag back out, but Miller refuses, so Onoo throws a kick that gets reversed into an STF. This series of spots is fine, I guess, but I just do not care about Onoo finally getting his comeuppance. There are a couple of sloppy spots in here, including a weird one that is meant to be Miller breaking up a Kaz offensive move on Onoo, but even the desk can’t tell what the fuck that spot was supposed to be. Because of the nature of this match, in which a) the heels need to be in control for the eventual babyface comeback, and b) it’s clear that Onoo is not a threat, that means that Miller basically dominates two guys for large portions of this match. Um, no. I like Ernest Miller as the commish, but no. Then, get this – GET THIS – Miller hits a Feliner on Saturn behind the ref’s back and Onoo falls onto Saturn for three. FUCK OFF, WCW. Absolute bullshit. Moppy is better than this shit, fuck it, it’s no wonder Saturn left as soon as possible. Backstage, Lee Marshall makes fun of Chris Jericho getting hogtied on Thunder, but Jericho brushes off the news of said hogtying as WCW propaganda and also cuts a promo at double his normal speaking speed that’s pretty good. They’re not really going to take the gold off Jericho and put it on Bobby Duncum Jr., are they? ARE THEY?! Billy Kidman faces Juvi Guerrera in a rematch for the WCW Cruiserweight Championship. Gene Okerlund rushes up and stops Juvi on his way to the ring; he points out that Juvi has an lWo shirt on backwards, and Juvi flips it around and shows the logo to the crowd. What a boring and shitty way to turn Juvi heel after all that teasing. Rey comes down to gripe about Eddy not letting him get the chance at the Cruiserweight title and then there’s a bunch of stupid-ass lWo horseshit. Eddy asks Rey about Rey’s kids, and you know, I am pretty sure that Eddy knows all about Rey’s kids and their questionable parentage, heh heh heh. But yeah, this lWo garbage is so bad, it defies belief. Juvi eventually makes it to the ring to have yet another match against Kidman. These fellas really did have quite the rivalry. I’m just hoping that this match is on the better end of their encounters, which I’d classify their match on the Nitro before this show as being. I do think they’re better as a pairing with Juvi as the babyface and Kidman as the heel. Speaking of things that I think, I think that one of the neatest things about this match is that both guys really put some sting into their chops and strikes. Kidman puts a surprising amount of stank on a lariat early in the match. Both guys are putting in work and really laying stuff in, and this match feels quite violent for a match between cruiserweights in general and between these two specifically. Juvi gets a series of two counts in there, including off a brainbuster, before going to a chinlock so that everyone can lay down and rest for a few seconds. They deserve a rest. Juvi cuts off a couple of Kidman comeback attempts and continues his run of controlling the match in and out of the ring. Juvi sells a guillotine legdrop and its effects on his tailbone in there, which delays his cover enough to only get two. You gotta have Psicosis’s tailbone of titanium to hit that move and not flinch. Juvi also tries a double springboard missile dropkick from one ring to the other and barely clears it enough to land a dropkick in Kidman’s abdomen. Juvi is a good athlete, no doubt, but he’s not Rey-level as an athlete. Misterio’s sense of balance is legendary. Kidman makes a comeback and, rather than trying his own double-springboard move, simply headscissors Juvi into another ring and does a crossbody from one ring’s ropes into the other ring. Good idea because Kidman’s not half the athlete that Juvi is. They have a few creative spots going from ring to ring and a nice 2.9 spot where Juvi rope-walks from one ring to the other to hit a top-rope Frankensteiner. There’s another lovely spot where Juvi tries a Juvi Driver, gets reversed into gourdbuster position, and then flips out of that and back into a Juvi Driver, which he squarely lands the second attempt around. Juvi spends a lot of time recovering from that last exchange, and Kidman dodges his 450 attempt. Juvi lands on his feet and counters and tries a rana that Kidman can’t reverse into a powerbomb for 2.9. Juvi gets up angry that it wasn’t three and petulantly slaps Charles Robinson in the face. I am shocked at how heated this match has been and am re-thinking my assertion that these matches are better with Kidman as the heel. Kidman makes one more comeback, lands a wheelbarrow slam, and goes up for an SSP to a huge pop. Juvi gets up, blocks it, and goes up for a top-rope rana. Rey Misterio Jr. sneaks out, holds Kidman’s jeans so that Juvi lands on his head when he tries for the rana, and then watches as Kidman completes an SSP for the win. The lWo comes out and gets in Rey’s face as Eddy backs them off. Eddy then yells at Rey YOU’RE EITHER IN OR YOU’RE OUT, GIMME YOUR ANSWER. Uh, Eddy, I think he’s only in because you made him be in. Rey, in no surprise to anyone who’s been watching these shows, tosses away his lWo shirt and runs away from the pursuing pack. The lWo stuff was stupid – why would Eddy work so hard to force Rey into the group, for literal weeks of TV time mind you, and then just let him leave? – but that barely tarnishes what was the best match Juvi and Kidman have had against one another yet. This is well worth watching if you’d like to see a heated-feeling cruiser match; it feels like exactly the kind of match that people think of when they remember the WCW Cruiserweight division in a vaguely fond sort of way. After some recap of Hall and Nash getting in a perpetual tizzy with one another for the last few months, we get a match (Editor’s note: No, we don’t) between Scott Steiner (w/Buff Bagwell and annoying nWo ref) and Rick Steiner. Buff poses with a BUFF I WANT TO TOUCH YOUR STUFF sign. Of course Buff poses with a BUFF I WANT TO TOUCH YOUR STUFF sign. I’m shocked that Buff doesn’t do this every week because the ladies in the crowd generally are thirsty as fuck for the guy, and probably a few dudes are, too. Before we can get a match going, Rick Steiner gets beaten down by the nWo in the back before the match. The Giant drags Ricky to the ring after said beatdown. So, wait, Ricky signed a match between himself and Scott and agreed to Scott providing the ref? What the fuck? This is legitimately the worst feud of the Nitro era and is absolutely on the list of the worst feuds in pro wrestling history. This is not hyperbole on my part. What a dumb fucking interminable feud. There’s no logic, there are barely any stakes, and I am long past desire to see THE STEINER BROTHERS EXPLODE after all the consistent teasing of said explosion without it happening. This whole feud has been one giant edging session, with the downside that any release that might happen will be weak and disappointing. They try to give this thing some juice by having Goldberg run out here to save Rick, and the crowd pops huge because, duh, Goldberg. Now, Bisch would almost certainly argue that what we just saw was a good idea because, hey, it generated a pop. And there are some cool spots once Goldberg gets to the ring – Scotty putting a middle finger in Goldberg’s face and yelling FUCK YOU, Goldberg destroying everyone and launching the nWo ref from one ring to the next – but what is this in aid of? Goldberg is once again not defending his world title on the show, and it’s not like this is the start of a WCW resistance team angle that bonds Goldberg with Ricky Steiner and, say, DDP to finally destroy the nWo once and for all. It’s just a spot to pop a crowd in the midst of a mismanagement of Goldberg’s title reign and this overlong Steiner Brothers feud. It’s pointless. It’s empty calories. It’s a weak orgasm that dissipates quickly as feelings of dread and self-hatred because you’ve achieved said orgasm with someone you barely even know or like flood in to replace it. Sorry to be graphic, but I mentioned edging before and felt that I had to carry out the metaphor to a gross and disappointing ending, much as WCW carries out most of its long-term angles. Next up: Scott Hall (w/the Giant and B-Teamers) vs. Kevin Nash. Wait, here comes Eric Bischoff before Nash can make his way out. Bischoff does his own survey, which says that Scott Hall is gonna catch a beatdown. Nash runs down and makes the save, and the Outsiders clear the ring. Now, if I didn’t know any better, I’d be kind of excited that Hall was going to join the Wolfpac and help destroy nWo Hollywood. I’d be as excited as this Detroit crowd, which is loudly chanting OUT-SI-DERS. Hall throws up the Wolfpac sign, but he gets no daps. Nash just walks away. What if WCW simply gave the fans what they want? What if? What if, indeed? Take note: The last two matches on this PPV were extended angles rather than matches. Bobby Duncum Jr. comes to the ring for another shot at Chris Jericho’s Television Championship. A fan touches Jericho in the aisle, so Jericho points him out and Ralphus waves him off. These two are hilarious together. There are a whole heck of a lot of Jericho signs and Monday Night Jericho t-shirts in the crowd, I’ll note. I’m glad I watched this because in 1998 and 1999 especially, Jericho was on fire as a performer and incredibly over. He was super-over when he showed up in the WWF and looked like he belonged on the same stage as the Rock immediately, in fact. It’s good to revisit this period because the guy has been complete ass for so much of his career now that it’s easy to forget that he really was that dude at one point. This matchup is so fascinating at its start that the desk ruminates on Hulk Hogan missing the chance to win the WW3 battle royale. There is some uninspired mat wrestling to start, so I guess I don’t entirely blame them. The match goes outside, where Jericho turns it around and lands a diving clothesline off the guardrail. Hey, that’s a nice spot! Then he works what is like the third chinlock spot between them in the first four-ish minutes of this match. That’s not so nice. Anyway, this match is a piece of evidence in the argument that Jericho isn’t good enough to carry a bum to an entertaining match, but in Jericho’s defense, he’s still under thirty himself at this point. These fellas lay around in chinlocks and facelocks and headlocks that are not really worked at all and are totally boring as fuck for a lot of this thing. Tony S. says that Jericho has used loopholes and obscure rules to hold onto the TV title. Is it too pedantic to note that Jericho did that to hold onto the Cruiserweight title, not the TV title? Fuck it, I’mma go full pedant. Anyway, this match goes on for longer than is necessary; Ralphus tries to get involved and distracts Duncum, which gives Jericho a chance to grab his belt and waffle Duncum in the back of the head. That gets three, as Billy Silverman somehow didn’t feel the strap of the belt hit him in the head at the same time that Jericho hit Duncum. Silverman is kayfabe the worst ref in the history of the industry. Huh, the battle royal is next? So we’re doing Hitman/DDP as the main event? And not, you know, a Goldberg title def—no, never mind, I give up. OK, let’s do this one more time: Disciple is here and Tony S. mentions that Disciple’s in the Warrior’s camp. I’m shocked that they’re still mentioning the Warrior on television. Wrath is in this thing, another sign (of many) that they’re not really taking his winning streak seriously. Honestly, it’s fine that Nash beats him in the next week to get himself over as a streak killer. Juvi sells being worn down from his earlier match; Kidman sure strolls out here looking reasonably fresh, though. I think I’m becoming a semi-irrational Kidman hater. It’s a Renegade sighting! Much more importantly, it’s a Tokyo Magnum sighting! The British Bulldog’s name is one of the names that pops up on the screen, but alas, he is gravely injured, so we are left with Sgt. Buddy Lee Parker as his substitute. Hall hides behind Mickey Jay in the corner of one ring as soon as the bell rings. Nash starts dumping dudes early and scores five quick eliminations in the first minute over in ring number three. We get from sixty men to forty-eight men almost immediately, in fact. Van Hammer helps eliminate Mike Enos in ring three, which leaves him in there with Nash by himself…for about thirty more seconds, as Nash big boots Hammer out and then chills out by himself as he waits for the other rings to empty enough that he must join them. They legit eliminated 25 guys in two minutes! That makes this whole sixty-man exercise feels somewhat pointless. Kanyon keeps trying moves from the top or second rope, and it eventually bites him in the ass when Kidman backdrops him over and out while sitting on the second rope. Booker and Stevie think about teaming up, but decide against it. After relaxing in the first ring for a bit, the Giant makes his move and starts trying to dump guys. This sparks the rest of the ring to jump the Giant. Good idea, but it’s a plan that fails miserably. I thought that Chavo got dumped by the Giant already, but he’s running around in the first ring again. Rey gets eliminated, which gets us down to twenty guys left, and everyone goes into the center ring to finish up the match. Saturn and Ernest Miller fight each other on the floor and, I guess, eliminate themselves before they can even enter the center ring. Like everyone under 6’2 immediately gets tossed except Benoit and Malenko. We’re down to thirteen men; the crowd pops for Nash and the Giant renewing their rivalry. They separate, but when they hook it up again, it gets another big pop. Hall comes over to help Nash dump the Giant, which the crowd wants to happen. It doesn’t happen. When we get down to our final ten members, Bam Bam Bigelow comes through the crowd, jumps in the ring, and gets beaten up and dumped. Goldberg runs down and sprints like a half-mile around the configuration of rings to hunt Bam Bam and fight him. Scott Steiner and Wrath are eliminated while this pull-apart happens. Booker T. is the only unaffiliated WCW wrestler in the final eight. He’s launched almost exactly when we get down to eight people. The last seven people in this sucker include Scott Hall, the Giant, Konnan, Lex Luger, Kevin Nash, Chris Benoit, and Dean Malenko. Konnan eliminates himself diving at someone. Nash calms everyone who isn’t the Giant down and directs them to all jump the Giant. Poor Giant. Nobody kayfabe likes this guy at all outside of Kevin Sullivan and Jimmy Hart. The Giant fights it, but he can’t hold five guys off forever and gets dumped. This crowd LOVED it. This crowd loved anything involving the Giant during this match, honestly. Nash and Luger chill out while the Horsemen go at Scott Hall. Hall fights back and the Wolfpac members jump Benoit and dump him while Hall tosses Malenko. Hall, Nash, and Luger are your final three. Nash and Luger agree that it’s every man for himself at this point, which is cool, but the crowd is bummed about Nash and Luger fighting one another, I think. You can hear them quiet down considerably. Why wouldn’t Nash and Luger team up to dump Hall and thus ensure a Wolfpac vic—no, no, I’m not going to ask the obvious question. Kevin Nash, remembering his experience in the 1996 Royal Rumble when Shawn Michaels waited until Nash was distracted by fighting Kama to eliminate him, waits for Luger to get distracted by fighting Scott Hall and then big boots the whole mass of humanity over the top rope to win what was a pretty shitty battle royal when the Giant wasn’t involved in a cool spot! The crowd applauds appreciatively when Nash and Luger show love to one another. Nash, walking off, “Looks like I’m next.” Actually, based on this finish, it looks like you’re a key member of the booking team. No, but seriously, I think Nash is more than over enough to win this and even to be champ, though of course, not in the way that the latter happened. Michael Buffer is here to introduce the Diamond Dallas Page/Bret Hart main event. Bret’s music has the saddest excuse for a stand-in opening guitar riff. It’s like someone heard “Hart Attack” and said, How can we do that opening riff, but incredibly shitty? DDP comes down to an ersatz version of ersatz “Smells Like Teen Spirit,” as usual. Something happened to the sound mixing while they replaced Page's theme because you can’t hear this crowd cheering at all, and I can see them doing so. Page attacks Bret outside the ring to start and tosses him into everything imaginable. Hart eventually takes over when things get back in the ring, which is where your technical masters and such tend to dominate. I don’t know, this is definitely better than the Sting match, but it’s doing nothing for me. I can’t blame anyone, maybe? It’s just not what I want to see. Hart does a decent heel beatdown and Page fires up and scores flash pins or big moves that get two counts before Bret re-takes control. Page comes back, hits a discus clothesline, gets two on a pancake, and whiffs on a lariat before eating one from the Hitman. See, that’s pretty much the match. After this spot, the Hitman loads his fist, but Page lands a forearm and Charles Robinson picks up the fallen knucks and pockets them for a later spot. Then, DDP does what is the single-worst Sharpshooter that I’ve ever seen in my life. My goodness, it was a vile Sharpshooter. The desk says it’s a good Sharpshooter because of course they do, but I am not being hyperbolic when I say that it was one of the worst executions of a move that I've ever seen done in a wrestling ring. Bret easily gets to the ropes, punts Page in the penis, and attacks Page’s injured knee. There’s a lot of Hart attacking Page’s knee. Finally, Hart locks on a Figure Four in the center of the ring, and that’s only broken when the ref catches Hart using the ropes for leverage. There’s some more legwork, but eventually Page kicks Hart out of the ring with his good leg and goes to work for awhile out there. Then, Page tries the ringpost Figure Four and, oh boy, well, um, it’s executed better than his Sharpshooter was! I’ll say that. Page is the champ, and the Hitman needs to beat him to get the belt, so DDP figures "why not," gets a chair and goes to whack the Hitman with it in full view of Charles Robinson. Robinson, who is an idiot, grabs the chair instead of just letting Page get some revenge and get disqualified. Then we get Hart crashing into them both, Robinson getting knocked out, Hart getting his knucks back from the fallen ref, the nWo ref running down and distracting Page, Hart hitting Page with the knucks, and finally Hart locking on the Sharpshooter while the nWo ref calls for the bell. The nWo ref gives Hart the belt, and Hart celebrates while Mickey Jay runs down and calls the whole deal off on account of the nWo ref isn’t a sanctioned ref. Page stumbles to his feet, hooks the Hitman from behind, and lands a Diamond Cutter for three in an overbooked mess of an ending. The match before it was mediocre, too. Who did this finish serve, really? It's just a guess, but I think my re-watch of Survivor Series ’98 will reveal that it was a much better PPV than its WCW counterpart of the same month and year! As for the final World War 3 PPV, it’s a one-match show. Catch Kidman/Juvi on YouTube and pretend the rest of the show didn’t happen.

Thunder Interlude – show number forty-one – 19 November 1998 "The WCW Gang stumbles into the final WW3 PPV riding a bunch of shitty angles” Larry Z. has been corralled into Thunder commentary duty in place of Bobby Heenan…I think that’s a clear upgrade at this point…God help us all, Larry Z. is an upgrade on Bobby Heenan at the desk… The final World War 3 pay-per-view will happen after this show…Nitro has stabilized into mediocrity after an all-time awful run from about Road Wild '98 up through Halloween Havoc '98…Don’t get me wrong, stuff like Hogan “running” for POTUS and the lWo absolutely stinks…This ‘”Bret Hart takes people out” angle that we now review through the magic of video sucks, but maybe Bret/DDP will be good…Then again, Bret/Sting was ass cheeks at Havoc, so I can’t even be sure about getting a quality match from the Hitman at this point… Norman Smiley opens the night against Booker T….I kind of enjoy that Booker’s arc over the past year was that winning his first singles title gave him a sense of accomplishment and pride that caused hidden aspects of his character to come out…And rather than it being that he was a babyface who devolved in his outlook and behavior and became jealous and greedy of his gold as it often happens (*coughDDPcough*), it was that he was a heel who developed a sense of character as he found a new belief in himself as an individual and willingly took responsibility on himself to be an exemplary champion…That is such a natural way to turn someone face…We’ve probably all known someone who was out of control, but then had to suddenly become a parent or guardian or take care of something else important in their lives, and it was like they flipped a switch inside themselves and became responsible and thoughtful… Anyway, Smiley pretends to be a babyface with an opening handshake and then heels it up…Booker makes a comeback eventually…Book misses an elbow and Spinaroonies up while Smiley dances, thinking Book was still down…That was a spot tailor made for me…Book wins it with a 110th Street Slam… It's only now that the Thunder intro plays… I was remiss earlier…I should have mentioned the absolute hell of this Steiners/Bagwells feud…Except for Judy making me laugh a couple times, it’s been only slightly less bad than the rest of this decades-long feud…At least, it feels like it's been a decade…I will repeat, if even Judy cuts a heel turn on Rick Steiner at the PPV, that will bring this whole dumbass angle back around and make me enjoy it for once…I mean, drawing out the punchline of a joke in which Rick Steiner continually gets suckered in and then attacked by a false friend over almost a year isn’t worth all the bad angles and segments…But at least I’ll get a bit of joy out of it…If it just happens that Judy helps Rick and they somehow win at the PPV, what the hell was even the point?... Disco Inferno had a whole character arc in 1997 that was pretty incredible…In 1998, he’s just jobber fodder for nWo members…Scott Hall (w/B-Teamers) beats up Disco in yet another televised match between them…I do love that Hall messing up Disco’s hair is what causes Disco to get super-aggressive and start kicking Hall’s ass…Hall finally reverses an Irish whip, hits a corner clothesline, and coasts the rest of the way to an eventual Razor’s Edge for three… Chris Jericho hits the ramp for an interview with Tony S….Jericho’s got to defend his TV title against Bobby Duncum Jr. at WW3 in a couple days…I’m not sure why we’re doing this big Duncum push…Jericho doesn’t like cowboys because Stu Hart made him one on his indy debut, haha…Duncum comes out here and hogties Jericho to mostly silence…Jericho screams for Tony S. to help him out…Tony’s like Sorry son, I don’t really do knots or ropes, good luck on Sunday though…HAHAHAHA… Kaz Hayashi has been walking around all day in the back with a Japanese-to-English dictionary and trying to get a tag partner for a WW3 match against Ernest Miller and Sonny Onoo…Kaz tries to pitch Scott Hall, who only recognizes when Kaz enunciates the name “Miller” and responds that he’s trying to avoid drinking before the matches…This was the wrestling equivalent of a dad joke, requisite with me rolling my eyes and chuckling with embarrassment at the punchline… Video of Bobby Duncum Jr. getting a totally unwarranted push upon his debut… Rey Misterio looks bummed about repping the lWo…Understandably, because this further dilution of the nWo branding and overall shitty angle absolutely sucks…Misterio’s going to try and coax something good out of Billy Kidman…Kidman is very over, and I’m still baffled about how that happened…Kidman gets a mic and, oh no, they let him talk…Kidman lectures Misterio on joining an organization that Rey doesn’t even want to be in…Eddy grabs the mic before Rey can respond and does his whole heel deal…Then Rey talks…Rey’s not in WWE yet, so he stinks at it…There’s a whole thing where Rey apparently isn’t getting a shot for the Cruiserweight title at Juvi unless he beats Kidman, Eddy steals Rey’s spot in the match, and the rest of the lWo bullies Rey out of the ring…This was bad television… There’s a commercial break, and after it, Eddy’s going to try and coax something good out of Billy Kidman…Mike T. and Larry Z. are both confused about why Eddy chose to substitute for Rey…You dopes…Tony S. figures out why (Eddy wants a Cruiserweight Championship shot for himself), but doesn’t point out that Rey won a number one contendership match over the current champion last Thunder, so the crackheads on the WCW Championship Committee should just give Rey the title shot as a matter of course…I mean, obviously Tony S. doesn’t say this, he’s trying to sell an angle and doesn’t want to expose how stupid it is…These are the little cracks in logic that I think bookers and executive producers think only the superfans care about, but they undermine the story of an angle for the regular viewers, too… Anyway, this is a short, back-and-forth match…Kidman ranas out of a pop-up powerbomb for a little wrinkle to the "can't be powerbombed" routine…Kidman scores two on a superplex shortly after…Then, Eddy tries a regular powerbomb just a bit later and Kidman hits a facebuster out of it…Stop trying to powerbomb Kidman, geez…Kidman goes up for an SSP, but sees Rey and Spyder at ringside arguing for some reason and dives onto them instead…Ah, that’s good dumb babyfacin’ from Kidman, who is even dumber when he goes over to confront Spyder on the apron…Rey tries to pull Spyder down, but Eddy runs Kidman into Spyder from behind and rolls Kidman up with his feet on the ropes for three, and presumably, a shot at Juvi Guerrera’s Cruiserweight title…It was mostly an angle with a couple of hot near-falls… We get a recap of the end of the Juvi/Kidman match from Nitro…Then, what the fuck, Tony S. says that Kidman gets a rematch against Juvi at WW3…So what the fuck was the point of Eddy subbing for Rey then?...I’m pretty sure that Rey was talking about getting a shot at WW3 before Eddy replaced him…You know what, I’m not going to think about this too deeply because neither Bisch nor Sully did… More video recapping…The Hall/Nash feud sucked, and we unfortunately must now relive it…Oh great, there’ll be a rematch at WW3… Scott Putski looks like a complete jackass, per usual…IWGP Champion Scott Norton (w/B-Teamers again) comes down for a quick serving of squash…Wait, I guess Vincent is his opponent?...No, Vincent and Putski just have a tiny match before Norton attacks Putski from behind and then the bell rings…Should this not be a DQ or no contest?...No, nevermind, I’m not going to think about this too deeply yada yada…Norton lands a powerbomb after about a minute for the win… Video recap of Hogan being so personally hurt about Jesse Ventura winning political office that he wastes time doing a stupid skit with a crappy Monica Lewinsky impersonator…Oh, also Hall and Bischoff are mad at each other for some random reason…The nWo is still around almost a year after it should have died, but there was a way to keep it around and have Goldberg + the Wolfpac finish it off that would have made keeping it around worthwhile…What they’re doing here with random nWo breakup teases (yet again!) was not the wave, though… Kaz tries to communicate with the WCW locker room some more…Disco hears the word "partner" and says he’ll only be a dancing partner with a buxom lass…Saturn walks in and corrects Disco about what Kaz needs a partner for because apparently he’s actually paying attention to what’s going on in this dumbshit company…Saturn considers being Kaz’s partner… Ernest Miller (w/Sonny Onoo) grabs a mic and does some mediocre heeling in the ring…Sonny Onoo takes the mic and also does some mediocre heeling…Onoo says that he had to scrounge up a tomato can from Japan to face Miller in a warm-up match for the Sunday bout…The desk is like This guy is white, he can’t be a karate champ in Japan…I mean, he’s obviously not a karate champ from Japan, but the word gaijin exists for a reason, fellas…Kaz runs out and gets beaten up again until Saturn makes the save…Saturn’s ceiling is as a babyface who wins against everyone at his level and below and gatekeeps the heels who will ascend to the main event…Neither getting involved in this feud nor the weird Konnan stuff really serves cementing him in that role… Chavo Guerrero Jr. (w/Pepe) faces Alex Wright…Wright insults the crowd on the mic before the match…He threatens to leave if the rubes in this Indiana crowd don’t give him respect…They don’t give him respect, but he sticks around…It's easy to forget how big Alex Wright, but then you see him collar-and-elbowed with Chavo and remember it again…The size difference is striking…Wright’s a lanky guy (well, at least at this point), so it’s easy to underestimate his size from a visual standpoint…The match is a solid affair with Wright utilizing his size advantage and Chavo using speed, agility, and flash pins to counter…Chavo Jr. makes a final comeback after blocking Wright’s reverse neckbreaker, but Wright blocks a vertical suplex attempt and flips Chavo over into a bridged pin for three…Wright drills Chavo with a clothesline post-match and attacks Pepe as the cherry on top…That was pretty good stuff… Kanyon tries to engender the support of the crowd…He fails…Hahaha, after the crowd responds to Kanyon’s usual question with EVERYBODY, he freaks out and yells NO, NO, YOUR MAMA…There wasn’t even a Your Mama joke in there, he just yelled YOUR MAMA…That was genuinely funny…Prince Iaukea comes out, Kanyon attacks him in the aisle, and they end up back in the ring and (unsurprisingly) have a fun TV match…Kanyon hits a Northern Lights facebuster, I guess is what you’d call it?...That should be a finishing move, not a random move that gets a two count…Kanyon hits a lot of unique-looking facebusters in general, and he hits a couple of them here as well…Iaukea comes back, but Kanyon pulls an Alex Wright from a few minutes ago, blocks a vertical suplex attempt, and drops down into a Flatliner for three…A few dopes in the crowd were chanting BORING…No the fuck that wasn’t, it was a perfectly pleasant competitive TV match… Saturn is out immediately after that match to face Wrath…I assume Saturn loses this one through interference…This is a decent competitive TV match…Wrath really pushes his size advantage…He lands a backbreaker and pummels Saturn in the corner…The pummeling just wakes Saturn up, so Wrath has to go back to power moves with a back suplex…Wrath gets 2.9 off a diving clothesline…Wrath misses a corner splash and gets overhead suplexed for two…Here come Onoo and Miller to spoil a solid TV bout…Saturn gets two off a top-rope splash…Onoo distracts the ref so that the Cat can land a superkick…Wrath follows with a Meltdown for three… We review Bam Bam Bigelow’s arrival to WCW… Konnan faces Bret Hart in Thunder’s main event…Konnan hits his pre-match big move, the Catchphrase Roulette…This is a five-minute number that starts with Konnan jumping on the Hitman and bashing him around ringside…It ends with Stevie Ray hitting Konnan with a slapjack behind the ref’s back and the Hitman winning with a Sharpshooter, followed by the Hitman attempting to Pillmanize Konnan after the match, but DDP making the save before that could happen…*yawn*… This Thunder had some solid matches, but it also reminded me that every ongoing angle in this company stinks…It’s close, but ultimately, I came away from this show feeling more negative than positive about it…OWW…

I'm inviting you to join my wrestling-themed Def Poetry Jam circle. If you accept, there will be two of us in the group.

I thought Barca/PSG was the right game to watch, and it's been wild, but it's got nothing on Dortmund and Atletico trading the aggregate lead back and forth.

Has anyone read Paul Boesch's book Hey Boy, Where'd You Get Them Ears? It's an astronomical price on the internet, but it also seems like it's worth reading. I'd love to hear Boesch's viewpoints about breaking away from Dallas and his relationship with Bill Watts before Watts sold Mid-South without telling him. If anyone has the book and has read it, would it be too much to ask if there's anything interesting or notable that Boesch writes about either of these things?

You'd need a champ willing to float between two shows to have that, and that guy would probably be overexposed quickly in the bargain showing up twice a week on two three-hour shows. I think two world champs for two shows is fine. Boxing has disputed world champs sanctioned by different federations, so a global wrestling company having two wrestling shows each sanctioning its own champ seems reasonable to me.

I just started my World Class re-watch again after re-reading a huge chunk of Gary Hart's book a couple weeks back, and I am consistently tempted to turn on some Mid-Atlantic or re-watch some Mid-South instead. As someone who doesn't jibe with either the Von Erich boys or the Freebirds, I'm wondering if maybe the Eric Embry era of Dallas wrestling is going to remain my favorite.

My issue with that belt design is not so much the logo's prominence as it is the logo itself. If that were an '80s version of the logo minus the "F" (like the one they used on at least some of John Cena's throwback merch, IIRC), that would be great. This ugly-ass modification of the Scratch Logo is the problem. Terrible. They should have updated that logo a long time ago.

Show #166 – 16 November 1998 “The one where Nitro tries to recapture the sense of wonder and surprise from three years ago” The Nitro Girls dance the show onto the air here in the middle of Kansas. The middle of Kansas is hyped for a major live pro wrestling show in their area, and understandably so. Oh man, they’re still doing this POTUS thing with Hogan and the motorcade (the latter of which we see pull up to the arena). Bummer. Billy Kidman opens the show against Juventud Guerrera in a rare hot Cruiserweight opener. These fellas have wrestled a whole bunch of times, and somehow, they seem to lose chemistry every time out. Now, this is a title match, which Juvi is getting even though he literally just lost a number one contendership match for a title shot at WW3. At least Tenay sells it as Kidman agreeing to put the belt up against Juvi as well since Juvi lost in overtime, but why have the match at all in that case? Juvi wins a quick two count on a rollup, but ends up rolling out of the ring after he eats a sit-out slam. Getting a bit of space doesn’t get him much, though; Kidman continues to work him over and gets two off a springboard legdrop. Kidman sinks in the ol’ chinlock that he barely works, which is his go to when he doesn’t really have many ideas. They lounge in the ring for awhile before Kidman gets up and, after hitting a weak lariat on one corner charge, gets caught and headscissor’d on a follow-up charge. Juvi uses the headscissors as a counter to great effect multiple times, actually. Kidman tries to counter a corner charge, but eats a jawbreaker and a crossbody, the latter of which gets two. Commentary is actually focused on this match instead of other bullshit, and whaddya know? They’re very good at analyzing Juvi celebrating early and letting up on his cover, which allows Kidman to kick out. They note Juvi’s semi-heelish behavior lately and, on cue, a bunch of the crowd decides that JUVI SUCKS. Kidman comes back, lands a slingshot crossbody to Juvi outside, and then rolls Juvi back in for two. Then, uh, it’s back to the chinlock. Juvi in control is good; Kidman in control fucking STINKS. They get back to their feet and Kidman misses a crossbody and crashes all the way to the floor and against the rail in a sweet bump. Kidman should be bumping around like a pinball and doing minimal offense. And being a heel, not a face, as he’s a better worker as a heel. Juvi follows up with a lot of offense outside the ring, and then lands a springboard guillotine legdrop that looks absolutely gorgeous. He also sells a tailbone injury on the landing – Psicosis splatters his spine all the time and soldiers through, Juvi, dammit – and only gets two on a delayed cover. Juvi unloads with as much offense as he can muster; he gets two on a nice bulldog, but tries a powerbomb and eats a facebuster that gets 2.9 for Kidman. Kidman lands a wheelbarrow slam for 2.9 after that; he tries a German suplex, but Juvi flips out and nails a Juvi Driver for 2.9. This finishing run is pretty damned good, I have to say. Juvi sits Kidman up top, but he takes time to celebrate before hitting the rana, and Kidman punches him in the dick and hits a super sitout slam. That gets 2.9, and I gotta be honest, this crowd is into the near falls big time, and so am I. Kidman goes up for an SSP, and gets caught and dumped by Juvi. That spells the end of Kidman’s reign, as Juvi follows up with a 450 that manages to keep Kidman down for three. Kidman is in disbelief, but eventually presents the belt to Juvi. Thank goodness that Kidman’s reign of terror is over. I was thinking that maybe they'd float the belt to Juvi and turn around and have him lose it to Rey at WW3, then turn heel, and they should do that, if they’re smart. If only Nitro had more hot cruiserweight openers that go ten-plus minutes! That’s an idea they should actually execute rather than just somehow convincing everyone they executed it even though a close look at the record says they didn’t. It’s only now that we get the traditional Nitro opener. After the high of a very good opener, we revisit a few recent lows: In this case, we get a video package of the Scott and Rick and Buff Marcus and Judy feud. Oh man, Scott and Rick are STILL feuding. It’s been ten months! Ten long months! Why did they stretch this out past Rick basically destroying Scott at Havoc? Wrath takes a step up in his victories on Nitro: He’s going to beat Raven (w/Kanyon) next. Now, Wrath lost a few times on house shows to a returning Booker T. around this time, and though I know it didn’t happen on television, so it didn’t happen for the purposes of television, it did happen. It illustrates that WCW isn’t all that interested in protecting Wrath in the long- or even medium-term. So why would WCW bother feeding Raven to him? I hate this losing streak angle. Raven deserved so much better for what was a monumental performance in '97-'98 up through Fall Brawl '98. Raven sits. Raven uses the crowd as a free therapist. Raven indicates that Judy Bagwell is much like his mom – a helicopter parent who can’t fucking let go that she used to have power over her son as a child, and who thus has unfortunately been left to continually try and forge an unhealthy co-dependent relationship with her adult child. I mean, that’s basically what he says. Anyway, Raven continues by drawing another comparison, which is that WCW is like Raven’s mom. He illustrates the comparison by basically saying the following: Neither of you can tell me what to do, I’m an adult now! *runs up to room, slams door, turns on Slayer tape at highest possible volume*. Kanyon is disgusted that Raven refuses to wrestle the match and goads him over the mic. Raven refuses, so Kanyon decides to fight Wrath even though he’s supposed to be fighting Glacier immediately after this match is over. Raven is fine with that and walks out. At least we’re not getting a Raven squash loss, though! That’s good. Kanyon tries to get the crowd to say that nobody betta than him, but the crowd thinks everybody is better than him. Even worse for him, VANDENBERG’S BOYS EXPLODE as Wrath jumps in, hits Kanyon from behind with a lariat, and then drills a Meltdown before leaving. And wouldn’t you know it? Here comes Glacier immediately afterward. Glacier edges his way around Wrath, remembering all those tag matches that Wrath beat him down in, but Wrath comes back in the ring and hits a Meltdown on Glacier anyway. Kanyon and Glacier are laid out while Wrath celebrates and the crowd celebrates along with him. There wasn’t a wrestling match in that segment, but I enjoyed it even if I will continue to have complaints about Raven’s booking. The next segment starts with Kanyon and Glacier still laid out, haha! We see that during the break, Wrath beat both guys up some more before leaving once the break was over. Wrath must still be pissed about losing all those tag matches to Glacier and Ernest Miller because Kanyon couldn’t land one fucking chain-assisted kick properly, not even ONE, dammit. Mickey Jay needs to move things along, so he asks for the bell to be rung and starts a ten count that Kanyon stops at eight by rolling over and covering Glacier; that cover gets two. They then fight outside and Glacier hits a brainbuster out there, though I think it was meant to be just a regular vertical suplex, but either way, it looked great. Kanyon lands a second-rope Rocker Dropper on Glacier into the steel steps! That should be a match finisher, dammit. Alas, it only gets two. Kanyon goes up top, jumps into a Cryonic Kick, but kicks out at 2.9. It’s okay, Sgt. Buddy Lee Parker already killed that finisher dead back in Show #68. The crowd chants BO-RING, but actually, this is pretty entertaining, especially for a Glacier match. Kanyon ends the match shortly after anyway, as he reverses an Irish Whip into a Flatliner for three. More Hogan the Elder horseshit on a video recap. When does this doofus leave TV to campaign/lay low so that he can get the belt back in January already? The world was clamoring for a Sonny Onoo match, and by God, Bisch and Sullivan gave one to us! Kaz Hayashi comes out here in a mask pretending to be a guy named El Gringo. The desk pretends that they can’t tell that it’s Kaz under that mask. Onoo paid a wrestler named El Gringo to come out here and job to him, and even he can’t tell that it’s Kaz fucking Hayashi under there. This angle is ice cold, man, ice cold, and I don’t know why it’s happening. Anyway, Ernest Miller comes out here, hits a Feliner on Kaz from behind, and literally slaps a panicking Onoo back into reality before notifying him that Kaz is out. Onoo gets back in the ring and covers Kaz with a foot on the chest for three. Well, they can’t all be winners. I mean, they don’t have to be complete and utter losers like this was, but they can’t all be winners, either. Here come a few B-Teamers. I guess that Juvi/Kidman opener was like a carrot and now this part of the show is a stick? A giant stick? With nails sticking out of it? So, we’ve got Stevie Ray and Horace Hogan against Dean Malenko and Mongo McMichael. Horace and Malenko have an alright opening exchange, honestly. I will always submit that Horace is fine if used correctly, which is basically as midcard stable fodder. I should probably stop submitting that sentiment because anyone who has read these reviews knows how I feel about that. Mongo and Stevie Ray get in the ring and do some clubbering. I think they have better clubbering in them. What makes someone a good clubberer versus a mediocre or bad one? I have thoughts about this, but I need to formulate them better before sharing them. Anyway, the match breaks down, Arn Anderson whoops on Vincent outside the ring, and Stevie hammers Mongo with a slapjack. Arn gets in the ring and clears out the B-Teamers with a tire iron in response. Arn is by far the most over guy in this match, and he’s retired. Then, get this – GET THIS – Doug Dellinger comes out here and tries to confiscate the tire iron from Arn. Does he also try and confiscate the slapjack from Stevie? No, because Doug Dellinger is goddam USELESS. We come back from break to two things: One, Gene Okerlund introducing Ric Flair for an interview. Two, commentary saying that Mongo got sent to the hospital for observation after that slapjack shot. I again stress that Doug Dellinger should be kayfabe fired. Is he on the nWo payroll? Is that ever an angle in 1999? Flair does his whole shtick on the mic. He attacks Eric Bischoff’s manhood since I guess Bisch had Arn tossed out of the arena and then continues to push this Flair/Bischoff feud that WCW is determined to foist upon me. Then, in a surprise announcement, Flair calls the Stalker out to join him. Barry Windham might have the best in-ring timing of any wrestler ever, but it’s 1998 and I’m low on his return. Windham’s Four Horsemen run was great back in 1988, though. Man, it ruled. Windham needs to put on a black glove and throw wild jumping lariats again, which would make me higher on his return. Bischoff hits the ramp to respond, and Flair promises that Barry Windham will fuck Liz tonight, uh, okay. Windham's face when Flair makes this declaration is like Whoa man, we didn’t talk about this beforehand, I don’t even really know her like that. Shouldn’t we at least meet for a coffee first? Did she even say she was interested? Next up: Eddy Guerrero (w/Spyder) faces Rey Misterio Jr. again in a bit of modern WWE-style booking. Bisch and Sully are going to run this matchup into the ground in service of a shitty angle, I suppose. Eddy pitches Misterio on lWo membership again and offers Rey an If I win, you’re in; if you lose, I leave you alone deal Rey’s a dumbass babyface, so he accepts this on its face. I must admit, though, that Eddy’s “[Either way] we part as friends” is spoken with such sincerity that even though we all know he’s being totally disingenuous, even the most cynical fan might believe for just a second that he’s actually being honest. I could copy and paste a lot of the same opener stuff that I wrote from their last couple of matches. This match is also fine. Maybe I’m less enthusiastic about it because I know that they’re going to re-run the “Chavo loses a match and reluctantly has to become Eddy’s underling” deal with Rey just a few months later, but in an angle of markedly worse quality. Rey makes a rare fuckup and crashes right into Eddy’s knee when coming off the top rope. That could have been worse for Eddy. So, the finish is that Spyder distracts the ref while Eddy hits Rey with a powerbomb and covers. Juvi runs out and tries a springboard legdrop, but Eddy moves and Juvi drills Rey instead. Eddy tosses Juvi from the ring and goes up for a Frog Splash; he hits it, and three seconds later, Rey is a reluctant lWo member. Juvi appears to be somewhat crestfallen by this turn of events. Was Juvi just feeling himself too much after winning the gold, or is he secretly working on behalf of the lWo? There’s a bit of potential intrigue there, but since it’s in service of this lWo angle, meh. Bobby Heenan joins the desk. You know, he looks sort of like Steve Pemberton of Inside Number 9 fame. When did Scott Steiner put Judy Bagwell in the hospital? Did I black out on this? Judy cuts a promo from a hospital bed, but I don’t remember…wait a minute. Wait. A. Minute. Is Judy faking a fucking injury? Is she going to turn heel on Rick Steiner at WW3? Oh wow, if she does it, I actually think that would take this recurrent “fake an injury” angle that's been a benchmark of this feud from annoyingly repetitive straight into absurd theatre. It would be the wrestling version of Peter Griffin holding his knee and sighing in pain for just a few seconds longer than the viewer’s irritation from the overlong gag lasts. It’s Andy Kaufman doing terrible impressions for long enough that the audience is barely able to hold out for his excellent Elvis impression. Oh please oh please oh please let this be the angle. The whole fucking Bagwell family out here, just faking injuries for any and every reason, is a hilarious thought. The whole family defrauding insurers and squeezing as much workman’s comp and as many disability payments out of the system as possible is genuinely a funny idea. Holy shit, please let it be true. Chavo Guerrero Jr. comes out to face Scott Putski. Chavo challenges Putski to a flex-off and wins the crowd’s approval, at least. They have a non-descript match that is interrupted by Bam Bam Bigelow walking around backstage yelling about Goldberg. Now, look: I think Bam Bam is an interesting veteran add to WCW's roster coming off his ECW run, which was pretty good. I don’t think thrusting him into the main event to hassle Goldberg is the wave, though. Goldberg has plenty of main eventers left to beat. Bammer is a nice midcard gatekeeper piece, maybe the muscle for a midcard heel whom you want to get over. Jericho is doing a comic version of this with Ralphus, so maybe you don’t pair Bammer with him, but how about Alex Wright? That guy seems like he could benefit from having a heavy watch his back. Bammer kicks in a bunch of doors and shit, then – FUCK YOU, WCW – walks out to the ring to kill Putski (fine) and Chavo Jr. (NOT FINE, FIRE ERIC BISCHOFF). Bam Bam grabs a mic and yells GOLDBERG, GET YOUR ASS OUT HERE, I’M BAM BAM BIGELOW, and admittedly, that was pretty cool. Bisch, J.J. Dillon, and the Keystone Kops all come down to escort Bam Bam from the premises. Apparently, Dillon and Bischoff agree on one thing, and it’s that Bam Bam is not being handed an employment offer tonight. Goldberg comes down to confront Bammer anyway, and the Kansans in the crowd are quite hot for this massive pull-apart. We come back from our break to Eric Bischoff firing J.J. Dillon/J.J. Dillon quitting in frustration. I mean, it's not Dillon's fault that Bam Bam showed up tonight, but these fellas have been at odds for so long that it was the final straw. Eh, I guess this is something like a failing romantic relationship where it’s not really about the fact that they left the milk out, but about all of their failings which the now-curdled milk represents. Cool, man, no more J.J. Dillon on screen, I dig it, OOH YEAH, etc. Perry Saturn has a mic for some reason. Oh, it’s to shit on Konnan for interjecting on his match with Eddy Guerrero a couple weeks ago. Saturn thinks it was just Konnan promoting himself, but as we review what Konnan said, I think that’s an unfair representation of Konnan’s impassioned argument. Saturn’s the heel here in my view. Wait, no, Konnan intimates that Saturn is gay as an insult as soon as he hits the ring. OK, everyone’s a heel. Saturn jumps Konnan during Konnan’s Catchphrase Roulette, which seems like a reasonable move. Hey, remember when Saturn got very over as a babyface after the Flock feud? Now he’s directionless, getting fewer cheers than his catchphrase-spouting opponent. Saturn whiffs on a kick that’s supposed to hit; a couple of mid-level lWo members come to the ring to view the match. Konnan lands a floatover bulldog for two as we cut to split screen. On the second screen, Gene Okerlund is backstage interviewing Eric Bischoff about why Bisch fired Dillon and about what’s going to happen with this Bam Bam challenge. Goldberg bursts out of his dressing room and demands a match again Bigelow tonight. Bischoff refuses until Goldberg punks him and Bischoff stops refusing. I assume they’ll have this match tonight, but probably we’re (also?) getting a Goldberg/Bigelow at WW3 because they can’t just, like, feed Lex Luger or Bret Hart to DA MAN instead. Back in the ring, this match just sorta happens. The desk puts over Bam Bam Bigelow as a killer, which would work better if most WCW fans saw him rampaging through ECW last; unfortunately, most of these fans who last saw him did so when he was jobbing to everyone from Lawrence Taylor to Goldust on WWF television. Meanwhile, I regret to report that this matchup was just kinda boring and then randomly ended with Saturn getting knocked out of the ring and jumped by the lWo. Konnan comes out and saves Saturn, but Saturn punches Konnan and then punches the lWo. The lWo eventually wanders off; Konnan gets a mic and calls Saturn back to the ring, and Saturn obliges with lots more punches. WCW is really trying to create a sense of randomness and surprises tonight. They were able to pull this off in 1995 and 1996 with some regularity. Tonight, well, their success is a bit more checkered. We get a Nitro Girls dance routine, a Hall versus Nash video package, and Scott Steiner coming to the ring flanked by Buff Bagwell and a hired referee who is doing his best Bill Alfonso impression. Buff gets a mic, declares their hatred of Wichita, and then insults the intelligence and integrity of WCW referees. The hired ref does a demonstration of how a ref should properly count three. He does it in the way that I’d expect Artie, the Strongest Man in the World to do it. Scott Steiner gets a mic and calls the ladies in the crowd “cornfed heifers,” which, I mean, look, Scotty’s array of specific insults for women is staggering and I am horrified that I chuckled at this one. I won’t ever call a woman (or anyone) a “cornfed heifer,” but I will call anyone of any gender an “old scallywag,” if that’s somehow better. It isn’t, I know. Scott appreciates that Buff gave him the green light to knock Judy out, and Scott brings down someone in a dress that he claims is his mother so Buff can beat her up. It’s a dude cross dressing because that is an inherently funny thing, I guess. Everyone loves Big Momma’s House and its venerable sequel, after all. Rick Steiner comes out here all mad, but Scott Norton jumps him and the nWo members beat Rick up and have the hired ref count the pin. I haven’t mentioned this all review, but the desk at various points has hyped the debut of Bobby Duncum Jr. for some reason. I have no idea why. Anyway, he’s getting a shot at Chris Jericho’s TV title tonight on his debut. Again, I have no idea why. Jericho sends Ralphus to the back before the match starts. Jericho has a somewhat reasonable hairdo tonight. I mean, comparatively to every hairdo he’s had the last couple of weeks. Jericho actually doesn’t struggle very much early on; he controls the match and even lands a meaty lariat and a senton splash for two. Jericho lands a vertical suplex and covers with a wimpy pin that pisses off Duncum. Duncum immediately kicks out and hits a run of offense, then hits a diving lariat off the apron and tosses Jericho around ringside. Someone in the crowd has a Wolfpac Sting sign drawn in South Park’s easily imitable style because it’s 1998 and drawing South Park characters is just what people did back then. Back in the ring, Jericho regains control, trips Duncum, and tries a Walls, but Duncum powers out. Jericho decides that he’s had enough of all this; he walks over to Penzer, punches him, takes his gold, and walks out claiming [DUNCUM]’S HAD ENOUGH while he’s counted out. Well, glad we put Bobby FUCKING Duncum Jr. over so strongly. More Hogan the Elder horseshit. He comes out here and cuts another awful promo. Par for the course. This thing goes on forever, and let me just give you Cliff’s Notes on this thing. Yes, there’s a Monica Lewinsky impersonator. Yes, there’s a sexual innuendo-slash-blowjob joke. Yes, Hogan makes out with her. No, I don’t want to take a cyanide pill, but I did consider it. Bischoff comes down here after fifty years or so. He and Hogan waste time having an unentertaining conversation about the nWo. Scott Hall comes down. He questions Eric Bischoff’s commitment to nWo business. I think it’s bad enough that we’re teasing more nWo breakups, but knowing that the nWo factions that finally split up after a full year of teasing that started in 1997 are going to merge back together in two months makes this even more of a worthless waste of my time and attention. Out of nowhere, Hall punches Bischoff and Hogan attacks Hall. Kevin Nash runs down for the save. I. Don’t. Care. Chris Benoit and Bret Hart come to the ring after the Nitro Girls finish their dance routine. Well, not right after: We get some video of this latest nWo tease at tension that doesn’t really mean anything in the long run. Benoit is heated about Bret coming out and attacking him a couple shows back, and also he has a lot of anger issues that he needs therapy for in general, so suffice it to say that he comes out and tears into Bret as soon as the bell rings. Bret tries to respond with some fire of his own, but Benoit eats his punches like a snack and continues his assault. The Hitman goes to the eyes first and the balls second to (figuratively, not literally) get Benoit off his back. The Hitman doesn’t feel much like being a heel and dammit, he lets me know each week with a steady diet of eye pokes, chokes, ball shots, and rope burns that put me right the hell to sleep. Benoit makes his comeback and caps it with a great-looking superplex. Benoit calls for the diving headbutt and scores it, but Bret rolls away toward the ropes, which delays the cover, which leads to only a two count. Benoit continues his assault, but when he sends Bret outside and tries a baseball slide, Bret dodges and grabs a chair. Bret circles, gets in the ring, and tries to swing it, but Benoit punches the chair into his face, then snot rockets him. Well, that spot made Benoit look king-sized. So, Benoit grabs the chair, and in a classic example of how shitty WCW refs are, he pulls the chair away from Benoit, which lets the Hitman sneak in a low blow. However, he doesn’t pull the chair away from the Hitman, who then uses it to destroy Benoit’s arm. That is such nonsense, such inconsistency, that it ruins the spot for me. Malenko comes out for the save. The Hitman pretends to leave, then runs out and jumps Malenko while Malenko’s checking on Benoit. Now Malenko needs to be saved, and lucky him, Diamond Dallas Page comes in from the crowd and beats the shit out of Hart to a massive pop. OK, that last part where DDP unexpectedly showed up was cool. Page then talks, which is less cool, but it’s actually fine. I mean, Page says HOLLYWOOD SCUM HOGAN and then randomly also calls Randy Savage MACHO SCUM…and then calls Bret BRET HITSCUM HART. No, nevermind, this promo fucking sucked. It was bad. It really took the shine off Page showing up and beating down Bret. I mean, this shithead says HITSCUM like three or four times instead of just saying that he’s got a contract to defend against Bret at WW3 and leaving. Well, we only have about two minutes left in the show, so I’m going to guess that Bam Bam Bigelow/Goldberg doesn’t even get a starting bell, especially because Goldberg gets the whole long walkout entrance. And as a matter of fact, it doesn't; they fight on the ramp and around the set as the show ends. They definitely tried to recapture the magic of 1995 and 1996. They didn’t, but I appreciate the effort. 2.75 out of 5 Stinger Splashes.

Thunder Interlude – show number forty – 12 November 1998 "The WCW Gang makes this reviewer long for Jim Ross trying to ignore Jerry Lawler’s shrieks about ‘puppies’ and constant stream of sexual innuendos” We creep closer to WW3…I mean the wrestling show, though maybe in real life too, who the hell knows?... Glacier opens the show…They let him talk for some reason…Glacier is still protective of the superkick as his move…He plans to beat up Chris Adams for stealing his big kick that Adams definitely did not steal from Glacier, hahaha…If you know anything about Chris Adams, you know just how deeply delusional a heel Glacier is being to make that claim…I give credit to the desk for pointing this out (Editor's note: This is the very last time that I will credit commentary for anything good on this show)…This match isn’t very good, what with Glacier being a part of it and all…Adams is pretty good, though…He throws some sick forearms at the back of Glacier’s head…Adams buries Glacier with a powerbomb, then hits a superkick for thr-…No, Sonny Onoo comes out, gets the ref to stop the count by disputing that Glacier’s foot is under the ropes, and allows the Cat to hit a Feliner on Adams from behind…Glacier jams a thumb into Adams’s carotid artery and gets a KO victory…All I got from this opener is that WCW should push Chris Adams as a TV title contender… The dogshit Hulk Hogan stuff from Nitro plays in a recap…I think Jesse Ventura is an interesting guy, enough that I take him at least somewhat seriously (which is entirely separate from agreement or disagreement with him) when he discusses politics…It’s too bad that someone whom no one with any sense takes seriously, Hulk Hogan, had to bandwagon on the back of Ventura winning the governorship in Minnesota…Not to go into politics too much, but WCW has been really taking the pulse of late ‘90s politics in Minnesota…Between the Minneapolis mayor getting booed into the ground on Nitro before losing re-election the next year and Ventura winning the governorship, the Minnesota DFL must have been down real, real bad…Anyway, this recap takes too long… Tony S. retroactively spoils the big main event battle royal at WW3 by noting that the winner of said battle royal will get a title shot at Starrcade rather than at SuperBrawl or whatever it typically was…I’m not sure where the title shot got received ever got standardized in the four years of this show…Anyway, I’d be more disappointed, but I (re-)spoiled it myself as I flipped through the Guy Evans Nitro book to look something up… Kendall Windham faces Kenny Kaos, whom I guess Rick Steiner stripped of that tag belt so that Ricky could give it to Judy Bagwell instead…Where is the WCW Championship Committee to step in and address this travesty?...Make Ricky Steiner pick a tag champ already…This match exists…I didn’t hate it, so that’s saying something considering that Kendall Windham is a participant…Kaos wins with a springboard clothesline even though Windham technically has his leg under the rope…I like it even though they didn’t mean anything by it…Refs should “miss calls” like in real sports, without all the theatrical jibber jabber that comes with a typical pro wrestling “missed call”… Stevie Ray (w/B-Teamers) comes to the ring to face Jerry Flynn…This match stinks…We get a boring bearhug spot in the middle of this thing…At least there’s a Slapjack…That’s what Stevie wins with… Well, after a scintillating trio of wrestling matches to start the match, I’ll have to find a way to get up for Rey Misterio Jr. facing Juvi Guerrera in a number one contendership match for the Cruiserweight Championship…They need to get that belt off Kidman, and since Juvi’s previous reign was a zero, that means that Rey should win this and then win at WW3, in my opinion…Let’s see if that happens…Heenan has been a massive negative on commentary all night doing a bit where he can’t settle on a prediction for who will win the WW3 battle royal…’98 Heenan + Lee Marshall = total commentary hell…Tony S. encourages Heenan by squabbling with him while Rey and Juvi feel each other out…Rey and Juvi get irritated and chop the shit out of one another, then pick up the pace…Juvi lands a gourdbuster that hangs his opponent on the top rope…That is a cool move…Man, this has exploded into a fun bout… There’s a commercial break, and when we get back, things are still fun…This must be a taped Thunder because there’s a lot of crowd noise for a crowd that is sitting quietly, only halfway paying attention to the show…I’m not sure about this crowd, though…They should be loud for this match…Rey and Juvi both try tilt-a-whirl slams, but Rey wins out, then gets two on a split-legged moonsault…Juvi then gets two off a big spinebuster after dodging Rey on a rope run…They have an awkward flash pin exchange that Rey manages to save…Rey tries a corner splash and smashes himself on the buckle when Rey misses…Juvi, who has wasted time all match, wastes time going up for a 450 and gets hooked by Rey…Juvi escapes and takes some more time to try a springboard legdrop, but he misses that…Rey locks on a headscissors, but that doesn’t last long… They start running again, and Juvi steps out of the way of a Rey dive, but Rey stops himself…Juvi wanders off, frustrated…He’s been doing some very good subtle heeling here with his shows of frustration and his lack of aggressiveness…Juvi lands a brainbuster for 2.9 and there’s a time limit on this match, too?!...Rey sure has been in a lot of random matches with surprise TV time limits lately…Charles Robinson tells Penzer to announce that the match will go on until there’s a winner…Why initially sign a number one contendership match with a time limit, WCW Championship Committee?...You dumb bastards are dropping the ball on multiple fronts… Oh yeah, the match continues…Rey tries a massive senton splash, but whiffs…Juvi doesn’t whiff on a big springboard splash to the outside, but he takes a ton of time going back up top inside the ring…Rey catches him and mounts his shoulders, so Juvi lands a sunset flip powerbomb for 2.9…Rey struggles up and tries to run, but gets caught and hit with a Juvi Driver…Juvi wanders around celebrating a whole lot before he’s dropped his follow-up 450…That gives Rey time to recover and crotch Juvi…Rey follows up with a Super Frankensteiner that gets three…I think this’ll end up making my list of solid TV bouts, but the break and the weird time-limit draw/overtime finish hurt it a bit…I think they both broke up the pace of the bout in negative ways… Chavo Guerrero Jr. should have won the Cruiserweight Championship right after his feud with Eddy ended…He got himself quite over working that “off his rocker” gimmick…He faces Billy Kidman for the WCW Cruiserweight Championship next…I would rather see Rey/Chavo Jr. than Rey/Kidman, but Chavo’s been taking Ls lately and probably has little chance…Or maybe they put it on Chavo so that the lWo can have a couple of interests in the WW3 title match?...Let’s hope…I’ve never been so glad for Mike Tenay to be on the booth…Sure, he became a parody of himself as the lead announcer for TNA…But I think he’s a massive upgrade on Lee Fucking Marshall…Kidman doggedly hangs on to an armbar in the early going…It’s a nice series of spots where Chavo does everything he can to escape, but can’t shake Kidman until he finally goes with the strategy of brute forcing his way out with a couple of knees to the gut…Chavo gets two on a headscissors and grabs a headlock…Chavo gets back to his feet and lands a nice short-arm clothesline…Chavo gets two off a floatover powerslam…Chavo is distracted by Pepe as we go to break… Back from break, Chavo rakes Pepe across Kidman’s face…That sparks a Kidman comeback, but Chavo lands a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker to stop all that…A Chavo bridging German suplex gets two, and it’s back to the chinlock…Kidman keeps fighting up, and Chavo keeps cutting him off…The commentary is so bad that it almost takes away from this thing…If you watch this match, or the one before it, watch on mute…Chavo rides Pepe around the ring instead of winning the match…This allows Kidman to make another comeback…Kidman gets two off a crossbody, but Chavo kills a corner charge with a sunset flip, then hits a victory roll, both for two counts…They switch, switch, and then Kidman hits a sitout spinebuster…Chavo Jr. hits the best Superman punch in the business, then gets 2.9 off a springboard bulldog…Chavo tries to powerbomb Kidman, and you know what happens…Kidman preps an SSP, and here comes the lWo to end the match with a little bit of interference…Chavo and Kidman try to fight off the lWo, but the numbers game gets to them…Eddy pulls everyone away from Chavo as Rey comes to the ring to help, but accidentally hits Kidman…On the Nitro Xtra earlier in the week, Kidman tried to help Rey out against the lWo and accidentally hit Rey instead…So you know, their aim is a bit off… We come back to Kanyon bloviating, mostly about how cool he is…He can’t get the acknowledgement from the crowd that he’s looking for, and then the Horsemen music cuts him off before he can try again…Dean Malenko comes to the ring, and after a fade out for a commercial break that offers no Peacock ad interstitial on my computer screen, we come right back to the start of the match…I didn’t see him earlier because it was dark, but Raven is chilling out viewing the action at ringside…Raven is legit one of my favorite guys to watch, but Bischoff doesn’t get him at all, sadly...It shows in how he's been booked post-Flock…Kanyon takes a hard shoulder block and takes some time to compose himself…It doesn’t really help because Malenko immediately beats him down in the corner…Kanyon slips an elbow in on Malenko’s chin to take control…Kanyon hits some decent offense, but Malenko immediately sleeps out of his sleeper attempt with a back suplex… Raven looks bored, but I think this match is fine…Kanyon re-takes control…He lands a springboard elbowdrop for two, then goes back to the sleeper…Malenko elbows his way out, but eats a swinging neckbreaker for two…Malenko explodes with a comeback, but gets cut off by a boot to the mush and a kneelift that sends him outside…Raven wanders over, but doesn’t do anything to Malenko because, meh, life is fleeting and then you spend an eternity in the inky blackness of death…Well, I guess Raven really did think that (or something like it) because he gets real bummed and just slouches over and leaves the ringside area entirely…Meanwhile in the ring, Malenko blocks a Flatliner attempt and tries a Texas Cloverleaf…Kanyon gets to the ropes…Kanyon lands an Electric Chair facebuster for two…Kanyon tries to press his advantage with a second rope Rocker Dropper, but Malenko hooks him, powerbombs him down, and turns him over in the Texas Cloverleaf…Lodi runs down and draws a DQ, but Benoit runs down for the easy save…This show hasn’t seen a convoluted finish that it doesn’t love… Konnan faces the Giant in the main event…Konnan speaks on this, hits his catchphrase roulette, and borrows contemporary rapper lines as usual…The Giant controls with power, but when he misses a corner splash, Konnan throws a series of blows…Konnan tries a body slam…It goes poorly for him…There’s a nice, but somewhat less crisp than normal side Russian leg sweep from the Giant…The Giant dominates Konnan outside the ring…The Giant gets a table and leans it against the steps and the post…He tries another corner splash even though the last one didn’t work…That’s lax strategy right there…Konnan grabs a chair and whales away with it…This is the point at which Charles Robinson calls for the bell even though there was a table involved and they wandered around out there for at least a ten-count or two…Konnan jets, so the Giant chokeslams Charles Robinson in frustration as the show ends… Pros: This show definitely balanced out Nitro not being wrestling heavy by showcasing a steady stream of matches… Cons: So many dumb finishes that Vince Russo probably liked this show…Also, I underplayed how dire the commentary was…Lots of talking about anything but what was going on in the ring…Heenan doing his whole Henny Youngman bit to poor effect…Tony S. and Lee Marshall being so shitty alongside him that even Tenay got somewhat sucked into it when he joined the desk…Yuck... It gets a WOO because ultimately, there was some solid wrestling on this show…But man, everything else about the presentation sucked…

**Bischoff, in a somewhat pleading voice to Conrad**: Remember, Vince only got on TV as an evil boss after I did, so really, you could, no you SHOULD, say that Vince was trying to - bite, is that what you said, Conrad? Bite? Okay, never heard that word in that context. But Vince was biting Nitro's formula. And if the haters like Dave Meltzer or the ones on Twitter can just take a second to look at the facts, they'd acknowledge that.

Show #165 – 9 November 1998 “The one where Hulk Hogan runs for president, and you know what, if he did that today, in 2024, something like that would be so normalized that I wouldn’t even bat an eye” Shots of the White House, Congress, the Statue of Liberty, American flags, war memorials. Tony S. extols the virtues of a country where Hulk Hogan can run for president. Then he says that Uniondale, New York sold the building out in three hours. And you punish them with this shit? Tony S. says the POTUS will be here. Bill Clinton grew up in the Tri-States/Mid-South territory, so I doubt he's vibing with WCW in late 1998 as he'd probably be used to, you know, good wrestling shows. There’s a Nitro Girls routine while Tony S. yammers on about bullshit. Then, we get a wrestling match. Oh wait, sorry, this is a wrestling show in late 1998. We don’t get a wrestling match. We get Gene Okerlund and Bobby Heenan standing around in the back waiting for the POTUS to show up. We also get one speeding limo chasing another and the Wolfpac jumping out of the chasing limo to beat up the guys in the other limo, who are nWo Hollywood. There’s a Hims commercial about ED on Peacock. Do y’all have any pills that will help me get up and stay up for the rest of this Nitro? Especially because I might have the urge to type FUCK THIS SHOW at least once or twice? The Nitro opener plays. We get a recap of Bret Hart attacking Chris Benoit during a Raven/Dean Malenko match and of Bret ducking Lex Luger in the ring before attacking Luger later in the night with a section of railing. Oh, and now here’s the end of the Bret/Sting Havoc match. Apparently Sting and DDP (the latter of whom thankfully we didn’t see attacked again) are out indefinitely. Uh, Page is the United States Champion, so I guess that belt doesn’t matter at all. Kaz Hayashi opens the wrestling part of the show against Juvi Guerrera. Hey, it comes nine minutes into the show, but it is a pacey Cruiserweight division opener! But thank goodness for these guys because they start out hot and – oh, wait, we cut away twenty seconds in to watch Eric Bischoff standing at the commentary desk, on the house mic, insulting people and saying that POTUS will be here tonight. We all know what the bait-and-switch is, it’s so fucking obvious, that I cannot believe that they’re making Tony S. and Mike T. sit there and be totally credulous about it. Oh yeah, there’s a match! Well, at least we only missed a half-minute of it. Kaz puts in work on Juvi for awhile and Juvi does a Hamrick bump! It rules. Kaz somersault splashes Juvi in a follow-up move. This is such a fun TV match; both guys are exceptionally crisp tonight. Kaz is a pretty good bully for such a small guy, too. Kaz and Juvi chop the hell out of one another while Tenay tells us that this is a return bout from one of the weekend shows and that Juvi won a squeaker on said show. Then, we get a commercial break, and I’m pleased that they’re going a bit longer than normal in this opener. Back from break, Juvi’s found a way to get the match back to standing. Well, actually, he’s got it back to running, as Juvi sends Kaz outside on a rope run and then hits a springboard crossbody to Kaz at ringside. Kaz slows thing back down in the ring with a shoulder block and lands a brainbuster that gets two. Both guys are tired and there’s an awkward spot that I’m not sure what it is, but Juvi saves it by hitting Kaz with a gourdbuster than hangs the guy on the ropes. Both men trade pinfall attempts and then, OH FUCK YOU, WCW, Ernest Miller comes to ringside with Sonny Onoo. We watch the Cat talk shit while Juvi lands a top-rope Frankensteiner. Juvi tries to hit a Juvi Driver, but Kaz flips out of it and lands a rollup, at which point the Cat runs a distraction and Sonny Onoo kicks Kaz in the head. Juvi easily reverses the pinfall for three. Well, I love a competitive match, but I don’t love the babyface beating the guy who is heeling in the match through a heel jumping in on the match. I don’t love Eric Bischoff getting on the house mic to tease Hulk Hogan Bill Clinton showing up to the arena. Bischoff-led WCW has no ability to get out of its own way. Something that should be a hot start to a show ends up being merely okay. The Nitro Girls do a routine in shiny pink overalls. I miss ‘90s era dance music. THIS IS THE RHYTHM OF THE NIGHT. Tony S. continues to bleed credibility on commentary. More recap, this time of Hall and Nash desperately needing a few counseling sessions together, but choosing to punch each other instead. Alex Wright OONCHA OONCHAs his way out to the ring to face Barry Horowitz. Horowitz gave quite a lot of trouble to Kanyon on the Thunder previous. Wright demands that Penzer tell the crowd to be completely silent so that Wright can concentrate on beating Horowitz in a funny little heel spot. It even gets Wright a weak ASSHOLE chant for a couple of minutes. Horowitz does considerably worse against Wright than he did against Kanyon. Tony S. freaks out over a couple of dudes in suits with ear mics walking around the ring to defend it from, well, I don’t know what. They couldn’t defend it from Ernest Miller and Sonny Onoo a few minutes ago. Wright is dominating Horowitz outside when the Wolfpac’s AHWOO goes off about fifteen seconds early. Wright looks around, doesn’t see the Wolfpac, and then fifteen seconds later, AHWOO goes off along with the actual theme and Wright looks around, sees the Wolfpac, and leaves. The Wolfpac (minus Savage and Sting, of course) speaks on this and is in the house and interrupted this match because fuck wrestling matches. You know what, I would gladly take all the micro matches that this era of WWF RAW had on television over what’s been on this show because if I recall correctly, at least most of them ended. Right? I’m probably remembering through a rose-colored memory cortex. Anyway, Nash quotes Popeye and then challenges nWo Hollywood to a three-on-three match in any combination…as long as Hall is out here. I was playing WCW Mayhem a couple days ago, and as I went through the character roster, I found that Disco Inferno was in the Wolfpac at some point in 1999. And, I guess, so was Hogan after the Fingerpoke of Doom merger. Oh wow, 1999 is going to be rough viewing. Eric Bischoff comes out to respond and accepts the challenge, but in an unclear sort of way that does not indicate that Hollywood will engage in a fair, straight up wrestling match against the Wolfpac. Nash insults Bischoff by calling him the absolute worst thing possible: a woman. Oh wow, the rest of 1998 is going to be rough viewing. Lodi has a sign that declares that he’ll be doing no more jobs in 1998. He’s here to do a job to, let’s see, Scott Norton. Norton lets Vincent hold the IWGP belt, which I think shouldn’t be allowed by Japanese, American, or international law. Norton wins with the powerbomb in about fifteen seconds. Moving on. Tony S. is in the ring to interview the fucking Disciple. The [CROWD CHEERING] caption on my screen is an entire-ass lie. There is dead silence out here. If Bisch couldn’t stand this guy, why did he send him out here on the main shows so often? Is the Hulkster back there demanding that this doofus get mic time? So, here’s what happens: Almost immediately, Stevie Ray, Horace, and Vincent come down here to confront him. They let Horace talk for some stupid-ass reason. Stevie can talk. Even Vincent can talk sometimes when he’s heeling. Horace cuts a vile promo, just terrible, while a few guys in the crowd chant BEEFCAKE and everyone else is silent. Horace tells the crowd to SHUT UP, but no one is making a sound except for the BEEFCAKE guys. Anyway, Horace stomps out this idiot Beefcake, or Disciple, or whatever, and then he chokes Disciple with the weight belt. I remember when Horace was a useful piece of the Flock. It wasn’t so long ago. Disciple turns the tide and stands his ground against all three guys for a few seconds before the numbers game takes over. Wait, here comes Warrior for the save. I guess this guy is still hanging around even though Hogan’s clearly done with him and is instead ready to leave television for awhile before getting his belt back run for POTUS. Anyway, this segment was very, very, very shitty television. Just excruciating stuff. It's hour number two, and Tony S. promises us a Konnan/Bret Hart match. The teacher of the Sharpshooter meets his student in what I consider a potential addition to the Charming Uniquities part of my master match list. *sigh* Gene Okerlund and Bobby Heenan are backstage to be super gullible and talk over some footage of a motorcade. This is also awful television in which we get audio of guys in suits kicking Okerlund and Heenan out of the backstage. What was on RAW at this time? Ooh, Mankind versus Ken Shamrock in a Hardcore Championship match! Also, Debra’s on television over there, being wasted since she's not really doing much heeling on the mic. You sign her and stick her with Jarrett again, you let her talk, dammit! Oh yeah, so this whole fucking segment goes on forever and “Hail to the Chief” plays and Tony S. acts like a goddam doofus and the crowd is deadly silent and a bunch of security morons stand around and Hollywood Hogan walks out wearing a Yankees beanie and some truly absurd sunglasses meant for someone twenty years younger than him and Tony S. confusedly asks WHERE IS THE PRESIDENT? and a giant American flag comes down from the rafters and there’s confetti everywhere and I am absolutely in hell and Hogan stands in the ring and salutes and Gene Okerlund is shocked at this charade, just shocked and Hogan calls Jesse “The Mind” instead of “The Body” even though these two hate each other because Jesse was trying to get a union going in the WWF and Hogan wouldn’t have that and Hogan cuts a terrible promo yet again like fucking clockwork. I’m hard-pressed to believe that Vince Russo’s Nitro could be worse than this. As bad? Sure. Worse? It's plausible, but I'm not taking it as a given. The Nitro Girls go retro clothes shopping and then to Studio 54 in a video. Then they do a dance. Look, I love the pretty ladies as much as anyone, but this is a wrestling show. We’ve had Kaz/Juvi end with a run-in, Wright/Horowitz end with a saunter-in, and Lodi/Norton end in fifteen seconds with a powerbomb. We are fifty-seven minutes into the actual run-time, not counting ad breaks, before Bret Hart walks out to wrestle Konnan. Wait, scratch that, Bret walks out in street clothes and totally unprepared to wrestle. We see video of the Hitman injuring DDP again. The Hitman gets a mic and craps on Lex Luger and Sting both. This fuckin’ SUCKS, man. He moves on to talk trash about DDP. It’s fine as a heel promo, but in this specific context – the context of this show formatting, the context of the Hitman’s arrival in WCW as an obvious, massive, can’t-miss babyface– it is not enjoyable whatsoever. Bret declares that he’s done with Luger, but looking forward to injuring Konnan, and then threatens everyone, including the Nitro Girls. Then we see more of the beatdown he gave DDP into the break. Tony S., as Eddy Guerrero walks to the ring: “Boy, we were all fooled by Hollywood Hogan, weren’t we?” Poor Tony S., having to sell this shit. Two lWo fans in the crowd wearing Rey and Psicosis masks and lWo t-shirts are basically the only sign that this angle isn’t a complete and total failure with everyone. Eddy and Rey are going to hook it up again, and I have zero excitement for it. When Eddy and Rey fought over custody of Dominick and people incorrectly complained about what was a fantastically fun, stupid storyline, they complained about how these two great talents were being deployed in a nonsense midcard storyline. They should have packaged up all that whining and complaining, and they should have time machined it back to late 1998, where it would have made some sense. Rey is defiant about not joining the lWo before the match starts and backs up his defiance with some solid offense when the match does start. Eddy tries to make friends with Rey, but it’s a fake-out so that he can slap the guy. Rey is non-plussed by this dastardly act and wins a headscissors. Eddy gets control by attacking Rey’s surgically-reconstructed knee. He locks on a kneebar and Rey taps the mat in pain, but since tapouts are a thing now, Tony S. has to tell everyone at home that Rey didn’t tap; some folks in the crowd yell YOU TAPPED OUT. Everyone’s still figuring out how to sell pain while in a submission without visually tapping out in this new era of tapouts in pro wrestling. I remember when guys started tapping out a la UFC in pro wrestling, and man, I loved the visual before WWE standardized it with the wrestler theatrically holding their hand high over the mat and teasing a tap out/trying to hold out and failing. Rey gets a couple of flash pinfall attempts in there, but Eddy takes out the knee and continues to work it in holds. The desk talks about Bret Hart while Eddy and Rey work another legbar. This isn’t a bad match, but there’s something missing. I guess I’m also waiting for what feels like an inevitable lWo run-in. Rey fights out of it, hits a few moves, but takes too much time to recover and gets dropkicked in the knee. It’s back to some knee work for Eddy, including a tope con hilo onto the knee. The match spills outside, where Eddy pins Rey’s knee between the steps and the post and dropkicks them. That’s a nice spot. Eddy puts Rey back in the ring and goes right back to the leg bar. This is a logical way to work the match, but man, am I pretty bored with the whole thing. Rey makes a comeback, hits a low-impact Bronco Buster, and gets a split-legged moonsault for two. He lands a pair of facebusters for two as well. Eddy blocks a slide-under on a rope run and hits an overhead suplex, and this is where Chavo Jr. comes out with Pepe. Chavo, who has been entirely wasted after he got way over, gets on the apron, grabs the lWo shirt, and distracts Eddy. This allows Rey to score a quick La Magistral for three; the rest of the lWo comes out and beats Chavo down until Rey pulls him out of the ring. This wasn’t good! It wasn’t terrible, but basically, we got a bunch of leg work to nowhere and another finish predicated on interference. The Konnan rap video plays. I appreciate the effort, but it's the wrong company for this. Eric Bischoff’s music plays and he comes to the ring with Liz. He just drives this show the rest of the way into the ground. I immediately start tuning him out, almost by reflex, and I have to go back to hear Bisch say that Ric Flair won’t be wrestling tonight. Did anyone expect him to? He then brings out some attorneys, fucking hell, look, unless it’s Clarence Mason doing a Johnnie Cochran impression, I don’t want attorneys coming to the ring in long talking segments. Or short talking segments. So, Bisch is mad that Dillon fined Scott Steiner and Buff Bagwell and spends a ton of time complaining about the attorneys in the ring who facilitated those fines. He then proceeds to "land" some awful worked kicks on them before leaving. This was deeply terrible. I feel like I’ve written some variation of that sentence about five times in this review. It’s hour number three, thank goodness. We start with review of Scott Steiner going on a dianabol freakout. Scotty and Buff walk out to the ring, but we cut to Mickey Jay saying that WCW referees looked at the ol’ union contract – hahaha, kidding, Georgia’s a right-to-work state – and now refuse to ref Scott Steiner matches. Scotty does his updated Superstar Graham gimmick except with more vascularity and sexual innuendos. However, his updated Master P catchphrase is definitely getting over. Buff talks and talks and the guy is entertaining, but again, in the context of this show, I’m over any more talking. Scotty wants a match with WCW’s best guy (his words), and Chris Adams comes out here. Oh WCW, will no one (with any chance in hell) defend your honor? This isn’t a match because there’s no ref, and basically Scotty and Buff beat him down while Tenay calls Adams foolish for coming down here in the first place. What a show, everyone! What a show. Rick Steiner runs down very late for the save. He comands his more charismatic brother to COME ‘N GIT SOME and offers up a tag title shot later tonight to lure them into the ring. Scotty and Buff agree to this match. We get another Nitro Girls hype vid paired with another Nitro Girls live dance routine. Then we get a Lex Luger hype vid. Oh, man. I do love this voiceover line from it, though: “His body is chiseled out of granite, and his mind is that of a scholar.” Amazing. This is a video to hype the contenders for the big WW3 battle royal, which isn’t a bad idea…again, in context. What the hell, there’s an extra one-hour Nitro tomorrow? Maybe there’s no Thunder this week? I’m in on a one-hour Nitro, though, for good or for ill. I checked, and there’s also a Thunder. OK, sure, bonus wrestling is good. Maybe not if it’s 1998 WCW, though. Context really is king, huh? I guess Scotty and Buff put Kenny Kaos out of pro wrestling with last week’s attack because Rick Steiner has a new tag champ partner and it's…Judy Bagwell. **Tony S. voice** We’ve reached a new low here on Nitro, fans. Anyway, Judy ducks a Buff haymaker and slaps him. He takes a wild bump off it and I’m the real life personification of that GIF with Jerry Seinfeld saying “I’m out” and leaving. Ricky Steiner challenges Buff and Scotty to a tag match against Ricky and Judy at WW3. Judy cuts a considerably better promo than Rick Steiner could dream of doing, and I guess the match is made, and Rick goes HOO HOO HOO and Judy goes ARF ARF ARF, and in spite of how dumb this all is, that was genuinely sort of adorable, hahaha. Tony S. promises a Goldberg wrestling match on tomorrow’s bonus Nitro. Oh yeah, there’s an NBA lockout going on right now: Mike T. says, “Who needs the NBA?” I believe this is the first year that the Spurs win a ring? Maybe the second? Well, that explains the extra Nitro shows. Anyway, Konnan makes his entrance while tomorrow’s Nitro is promoted, and Bret Hart comes down to face him. Konnan opens up a can of whoop-ass – oops, that’s the other channel – to start. Bret escapes the ring, so Konnan follows him and throws a bunch of strikes. Bret has to resort to a desperation eye rake to get some control. The Hitman commences upon an acceptable beatdown that doesn’t do much to inspire me. Konnan makes a slightly more inspired comeback, but only slightly. Billy Silverman, who is in on a lot of tide-turning spots in these pro wrestling matches and is kayfabe pretty bad at his job, tries to break up one Konnan beatdown and inadvertently distracts Konnan so that Bret can chop block him. The Hitman commences on another acceptable beatdown focused around Konnan’s leg. The crowd chants WE WANT STING. Oh, you sweet summer children, you want a babyface to show up and dispense some justice? You must be confused by all the WWF shows where Steve Austin fucks the heels up with a righteous fury. This is WCW, folks! The heels run this bitch. Meanwhile, the Hitman grabs a chair and destroys Konnan’s knee while Silverman ineffectually squeaks NOOOO, BRET, NOOOO instead of physically trying to take the chair away as he would if Konnan had it. Luger finally makes it out here and chases the Hitman around the ring and away from ringside. Gene Okerlund is in the ring to call Chris Jericho down for an interview. Jericho destroyed the ozone layer with all the hair spray cans he used before this match. Jericho and Ralphus are a pair, man, they make for a fantastic visual together. If there were an encyclopedia of pro wrestling terms, you’d take a snapshot of these two and put them right next to the “delusional heel” entry as an illustration. Jericho notes that he was born on Long Island 28 years ago from the original airing of this Nitro and, of course, claims to be glad that he made it out. Jericho declares that everyone else is delusional and that he’s broken Goldberg’s streak. Then, he claims that he called out Goldberg tonight, but that Goldberg isn’t here because Ralphus checked things out and told him so. Okerlund is like, Yo, I saw his security roll up to the building, I’m pretty sure he’s here. Jericho is certain that Ralphus has done his intel. Whoops! Goldberg formally arrives at the arena during Jericho’s rant, spots the interview as it happens on a television in his dressing room, yells WHAT – again, that's the other channel – and then storms out to confront the erstwhile Jericho. Jericho, who is backing down the aisle, never sees the spear coming. This crowd, which has been waiting all night for something cool to happen, enjoys Goldberg beating Jericho down. Hall and the Giant come down, synchronize their entrance taunts, and chastely kiss a young lady whom they must know on her forehead. Tony S. mentions that the Giant was in Waterboy and it’s a hit. Maybe they should have gotten permission from the studio to show clips or – no, you know what, this is par for the course for WCW. I guess at this point, they know the guy is gone in a few months, too, so probably they were even less bothered to promote his spot in that movie than they normally would have been. Anyway, I didn’t hear Michael Buffer getting sloppy with his entrances, so he’s still engaged with this stupid company and it’s crappy main events for some reason. I’m still waiting for Bret Hart to become Bert Hart. Kevin Nash and Lex Luger make it down to the ring. Nash is the second-most-over guy on this show, which is probably to be expected considering where this Nitro is taking place. He counters Hall’s toothpick toss with a loogie hock and then gets a pop for signaling to the Giant that the Giant should consider offering him fellatio. Consensually, I'd hope. This tag match is fine. No one will remember it once it’s over, but it’s not offensive. Luger does what he was born to do, apparently, which is to catch a beatdown and lay around a lot before the babyface comeback happens. The crowd is very into the Wolfpac. Let’s see how into it they are after Hogan joins it in the big nWo merger in a couple of months! So, yeah, Nash – who I remind you, two months before he rejoins Hogan in the nWo, is very over as a babyface – hits the hot tag and dominates. Nash is about to Jackknife Hall when the Hitman runs down and clips Nash’s knee, then attacks it. Luger is able to fight off the Giant, get a chair, and chase the heels away. Huh, it doesn’t seem like the one-hour Nitro (also known as Nitro Extra or Xtra, as I search) is on the Network. Bummer. There’s also one on 11/24/98. The 11/10 episode lists five matches, and if there is minimal talking and each match got into the seven, eight, nine minute range, I bet it was pretty good. (Editor's note: I watched the sub-three minute Rey Misterio Jr./El Dandy match on Daily Motion. Suffice it to say that if this is representative of the action, I am not missing anything, and neither are you.) On the other hand, this show dreams of simply being "pretty good." Remember that while a show can’t score more than five Stinger Splashes, the negative amount of Stinger Splashes that a show can score is infinite. In honor of Dave Meltzer’s “six out of five star” rankings for Kenny Omega matches, I’m giving this wretched piece of shit show -6 out of 5 Stinger Splashes. I take no joy in this; I want these shows to be good. If only someone would fire Eric Bischoff already.

That's kinda what makes WCW being sold for a song so unbelievable in late 1996, early 1997, though. WCW had access to a myriad of revenue streams. What's really shocking is that they didn't use them. No one in WCW or at Turner recognized that hiring an in-house composer and then selling wrestler theme songs back to consumers was a good idea. We instead got Jimmy Hart pop song knockoffs and catalog music already licensed by Turner. They did well enough with video games and okay with selling nWo t-shirts, but their merchandising was mediocre for the time period and they really wasted a lot of licensing opportunities. To swing this back around to Vince, one thing he understood was how to extract maximum dollars for his asset, whether that meant a book deal with fictionalized backstories for some of his characters or getting some of that Gulf State oil money. Bischoff/Schiller/Sassa/Turner as an entity didn't come anywhere near that. Now, had I known more of the backstory at the time that Turner didn't see WCW as something to exploit along multiple revenue streams or a low-cost in-house fountain of programming with a bunch of past shows to sell and re-sell to interested wrestling fanatics, then it wouldn't have been so shocking. But without that knowledge, I think in the post-territories era of pro wrestling, yeah, I would have been baffled to hear that they went out of business and disappointed that they only went out of business because zero people at Turner/AOL Time Warner understood how valuable WCW was even if Nitro was pulling low 2s in the ratings by the time they died.

I'd be engrossed to see how that all turns out and then be disappointed at how stupid it all was (and, in Vince's case, disgusting).

Was just going to mention him, though I thought he was in Brazil. I checked, and as of late, he's chilling in Indonesia on the beaches of Bali. From Wikipedia, so only take the veracity of this somewhat seriously: Seems like Bali is probably a good bet for an escape route if you're insanely wealthy and want to live like a royal.