BEN!

I watched Fyter Fest For The Fallen. I didn't bother with the pre-show and that was still about an hour and a half longer than it should've been. Building looked and sounded great. Grayson with the sarong looks like the Bucks' cabana boy and Uno looks like fatter Shark Boy. The Super Smash Bros. looked like bigger geeks though so I guess it's an improvement. I feel like they missed an opportunity by not having the creepers go under the ring at the beginning and then come out during the match to interfere to at least justify Marko Stunt's interference. They had the ramp right there so the one creeper that was covered up could've sneaked to the back under the ramp and Jericho could've done his run-in by coming up from under the ring like he'd been there the whole time if we can pretend that he wouldn't have died of old age waiting for Page/Sabian to end. Everybody in this company is kind of a dick. Liberal middle finger usage. Stunt interfering for no reason. Lucha Bros. attacking Daniels for no reason and then attacking SCU with the ladder. Omega chop blocked Cima. Cody snatched that kid's Blackjack Mulligan money out of his hand and stuffed it into one of the Buck's mouth. Three of the EVPs don't know how to work to the hard cam. Commentary wasn't good. Excalibur's okay but he's just spouting off move names most of the time. They need Ross for name-value but he looks old and he can't hear the opening bell and he mishears the ring announcer and has to jump on him or the refs about the rules (which are inconsistent). Marvez is like a more awkward Mike Tenay with his non-sequitur interesting facts. Also, referencing 5-star matches or calling a move Meltzer Driver just sounds so lame for a mainstream company. Luchasaurus shouldn't be standing next to Dustin Rhodes.

Hot scoop on the hotline is that Alabama Doink's death caused a power vacuum to form in the United States Of Doinks with Mississippi Doink, Middle Tennessee Doink, Georgia Doink, and Florida Panhandle Doink all trying to annex Alabama for themselves.

Mike Posey. P-DOG! And I think IMPACT got it way worse than ROH. AEW took their director and event promoter. They hooked up with AAA. And IMPACT's World Champion tried to work AEW's pre-show.

I watched some of Fyter Fest. Not the pre-show and stopped during the Batista thing. I've seen The Young Bucks and Lucha Bros. wrestle already. Now if the mystery man had been Savio Vega, the real TNT the Caribbean ninja, I might've powered through. I like Fenix and Pentagon, Jr. better as singles. AEW should quit screwing around and do Pentagon, Jr. vs. Moxley. This was not Jim Ross' crowd and they should've sat him out of this one. Commentators out there saying Christopher Daniels is Curry Man. Everybody knows Curry Man is the TNA Fired Champion and owes Daniels money. Why is the guy getting a shot at the AEW Championship having to wrestle a four-way to get on the next show in a match with Kip Sabian who wasn't even on the DON main show and if you don't already know who he is you wouldn't know anything else about him after his guest commentary spot? He isn't Chris Sabin or Black Jeez is what I know about him. People all sensitive about a chairshot when Darby Allin's out there smashing up his guts and spinal column. Don't worry about Cody Rhodes. He got that executive-level health plan. Notice there where like half a dozen people checking on him while Allin was laying in a heap outside the ring.

Au Revoir Miss Bordeaux Her sensuous scent permeated through the thick smoke-filled room. "Bahh!" desperately exclaimed Fallah Bahh the massive Sumo from the Philippines as he entered. "Bahh Bahh Bahh Bahh Bahh!" he sang to the tune of Scarlett Bordeaux' familiar theme but the siren did not answer his call. "Bahh bahh bahh bahh...bahh?" he sang again. Slower almost whispering with shaky trepidation as the smoke slowly dissipated and with it the last lingering scent of her. "Bahh." His lower lip trembled. The realization that his muse, tag team partner, and his friend was truly gone. He was now alone. Alone in this chaotic galaxy where some things wood were also metal. Alone. A lone tear rolled down his cheek. Alone. When a salvo of saliva shot into his face from the side creating a deluge of rage from within the proud Filipino warrior. "Where's your bitch now, fatboy!" screamed the vile Sami Callihan the leader of the evil quartet known as OVE, Ohio Versus Everything. His mimicking henchman the deplorable Jake Crist handed his leader a microphone while the massive Madman Fulton wielded a video camera. "This is not Rolando Melendez, fake news reporter. He's on special assignment in The Undead Realm." The group all cackled. "This is Sami Callihan, Hashtag The Draw bringing you this special report. Scarlett Bordeaux is gone and she ain't never coming back." The fourth member Dave Crist gesticulated silently in an unsavory snakelike manner. "And in breaking news, Fallah Bahh is about to join her. Get him boys!" With Callihan's order OVE surrounded Bahh. Bahh stood his barefooted ground ready to battle to the bitter end. OVE pounced like a group of jackals. All hope looked lost for Fallah Bahh when the room suddenly filled with smoke. Could it be? Has she returned? NO! The trio known as The Rascalz join the fray. With the help of Dez, Trey, and Wentz evening the odds, the cowardly group of OVE make a hasty retreat. A man in a dashiki enters. He is not the man who is a superstar nor the man with the most cars. He is the griot of IMPACT Wrestling. "Today, Fallah Bahh learned where there is smoke, there is fire. Fire from within. The fire of passion. The fire of friendship." Dusk turns to dawn. Over the horizon, a space shuttle launches into orbit. "A new dawn breaks for the courageous warriors of IMPACT Wrestling" concludes the griot. From the space shuttle window, a growling Sami Callihan can be seen shaking his fist.

What's the point in taking shots at WWE? Don't yip and yap from the porch if you don't want to run with The Big Dog, baby girl. People calling them the number 2 wrestling company in the world before they even ran a show and now they can't compete head to head with WWE at their creative lowest cause TNA failed on Monday night almost a decade ago on a different network. It's not like running on Monday night costs more than running on Wednesday so there's no financial consequences. Cowards, I say!

Tag Titles with Cena. Lost them in a battle royal by immediately eliminating his own partner.

Baby Doll! That blackmailing jezebel! RIP Floyd. Dusty never hit anybody like an Arn Anderson in the balls and while Arn was laying on the mat bleeding half to death and holding his junk, get on the mic and ask him to be his tag team partner next month at the Richmond Coliseum cause he signed an open contract against The Rock 'n Roll Express.

Imagine ever thinking a young boy on foreign excursion getting a silly gimmick was what led to the NJPW relationship breaking down and not the TNA World Heavyweight Champion being fucked up at NJPW's biggest show of the year. If Okada doesn't do his excursion in TNA, he probably doesn't go back to NJPW with "The Pope" D'Angelo Dinero's gimmick. LAX's deals are apparently coming up. Of all the talent they should be trying to secure those two would be at the top of my list.

Cody's a natural ratshit heel. He hit his brother in the balls and then had the audacity to ask him to be his tag team partner while the man was bleeding half to death. Dustin's a good natural babyface. Sells great. Fires up big. Got that dopey sad dog face for the easy sympathy too. It's cute people think they got to choose the night. Both TNT and AEW are cowards for avoiding Mondays.

I like that Vince just discovered that real sportsball doesn't go to commercial during play. This XFL relaunch is bearing fruit already. Announcing time limits would be a lot easier way to get your matches in before commercial break. If they leave the clock on the tron, it'll also give people something to count down to during Rollins' matches. I hope Double J has taught Vince about the Fox Box for the SmackDown move. WWE does currently have maybe the most athletically superior roster of all time. They've got like 300 people though so the damn numbers game works out in their favor. They can't present anybody like a star for shit though. They've got to stop listening to the nerds. For all the crying about Punk or Bryan during their pushes, they never moved the needle. The Women's Revolution resulted in a quarter of the female audience leaving. They need to just go back to basics and feed The Big Dog, baby girl. Serve him up a new heel every couple of months and push him down the marks' throats.

Homeboy wants Ultimate Warrior and Yokozuna and they're sending him Nattie Neidhart. It's like WWE wants an international incident.

"Good Guy" Tama Tonga. Bully should change his gimmick to Buddy Ray. Guy that goes around giving unsolicited friendly advice to people.

THE RESUME OF BEN! The hours grew longer, my patience ever shorter. Finally, I returned from whence I left. The dwelling as dark as I had left it that morn. With every step, an article of clothing discarded until my now nude body fell upon the bed. My sheer respite interrupted by the light touch of finely manicured fingernails gliding over my back seemingly typing messages of lust upon my skin. Soft kisses descended upon my neck. "Argh! What are you doing here?" I hollered shockingly into the darkness. "I live here," she angrily replied. "This is my apartment, Ben." "Where do I live?" I wondered aloud. "Not here, asshole!" she said as the blistering fire in her eyes burned hotter than the incandescent light bulbs that now flooded the room with bright searing light. And that's the story of why I don't own any suits anymore.

Lashley in TNA: "I beat people up and win championships." Followed up by him beating people up and winning championships. Lashley in WWE: "I love my sisters." Followed up by doing obstacle courses, getting called Bob, and slapping his ass.

Generico wrestled Omega at Double Or Nothing according to Excalibur's call. And since that thread is closed, I will give my Double Or Nothing thoughts here. WILD CARD! I like a tunnel entrance but one would've sufficed. Keith Mitchell clearly missed that jib cam. If you really feel the need to do crowd shots then do it the lucha way and just shoot the pretty girls. Popping off fireworks for the Kulture City girl and putting the guy who points his finger and goes bang in the main event of the gun violence show both seem pretty tone deaf. Right opener for this show. All the men's tag matches essentially had the same finish tough. Double team head spike off the ropes. Women's four-way would've been better as a one on one with just Baker and Rae since the big girls spent most of the time on the floor and didn't look very good when they were in. Refs telegraphed the two run-ins by leaving guys dying in the ring to just stand at ringside. Jack Evans laying there having a seizure and Remsburg just casually stands outside like everything's fine. Did he take his shirt off and put on a mask and join in with those guys no one cared about? Cody Rhodes is just like Triple H in that he's a ratshit heel but he still wants the adulation of the crowd. That was good but too long and too many Crossroads counters. Aping Dusty's plea to Dustin to be his partner was a bit much. The Young Bucks ain't no Terry Funk and Bunkhouse Buck. Tony Schiavone was not interested in fist bumping Kenny Omega. Jericho and Moxley obviously signed for fancy pants with extraneous zippers. The last 3 matches were just way too long. There were spots shown in the Bucks/Luchas replay that I didn't remember at all. Just because you've got 4 hours reserved doesn't mean you have to use it all. Wins and losses are important so it's important to note that prior to DON, AEW's top title contenders in 2019 were Page at 1-1*, Jericho at 0-1, and Omega at 0-2. PAC had a bunch of wins though. PAC the real champ. *0-1 prior to the PAC match.

Mark for the belt is the only conceivable motivation for wanting the 24/7 Championship. They really needed to attach some kind of financial incentive to it. They also should've introduced it in catering since that's where all the challengers usually are. They're just going to forget about it in a couple of weeks like they do everything else.

Crowning the first champion by having the winner of Omega/50-year old Jericho face the winner of the free pre-show battle royal featuring a bunch of unknowns and jabrones and Glacier is a really Russo-ass way of doing things. What's the rush? Why not put a tournament together and have the finals take place on the first TV show? And how are they drawing numbers for this battle royal if Spears got his from a deck of cards. A standard deck has four 10s. And 52 cards and there's only 21 entries.

Batman vs. TMNT was really good. I haven't read the comics so I don't know if it's a direct adaptation or not. Nowhere near as graphically violent as most of the DC animated movies. No cursing either. Kind of refreshing.

I'll tell you what they should do about Page's match, baby! Have Page issue an open challenge via the internet machine and then while he's in the ring waiting for his opponent, an SUV rolls into the arena and out pops COLONEL ROBERT PARKER! The Colonel introduces his new charge, "The Wild-Eyed Southern Boy" Tracy Smothers who tells the audience that if anybody chants "Tracy Sucks" then everybody dies! He charges into the ring and gets superkicked immediately but when Page goes for the cover, the Colonel says that's not his opponent and opens the door to the SUV and out pops "The Cowboy" James Storm who charges into the ring, ducks a superkick and delivers one of his own and as he goes for the cover Page small packages him but the Colonel yells to stop counting cause Storm's not his opponent either and opens the SUV and out pops the savage strong man with the swag Jake Hager who charges into the ring and takes Page to a cul-de-sac's worth of suplexes and pulls off his killer cowboy boot and locks on an ankle lock and then the Colonel says it's time for Page to meet his opponent for the evening and out of the driver's side exits BUNKHOUSE BUCK who takes Page's boot and immediately whacks him in the head with it giving Page a DQ victory but The Stud Stable don't seem fazed by the loss and keep beating the shit out of Page and end up hogtying him and throw him in the SUV and take off down the strip where they end up at that wedding chapel where the Colonel almost married Sherri Martel. They throw Page out in front and they all put on bow ties and put one over Page's mouth like a gag. When the minister asks which one of them is going to be marrying Page, Missy Hyatt exits the SUV and walks to the back of the SUV and opens the door where the Stud Stable pull out a tied up Burnard The Business Bear. Hyatt puts a wedding veil on Burnard's head and The Stud Stable forcibly nod Page and Burnard's heads up and down for the vows and then force them to kiss to seal the deal. Then Missy Hyatt pulls Page's wedding gift out of her Gucci purse, a pack of condoms cause even though it's his honeymoon he probably doesn't want to go bearback with Burnard cause she's heard that the kind of business Burnard is into is risky business, baby. Then they pull a wedding cake out of the SUV, it's a big SUV alright. LUXURY! And they smash Page's face in it and call him "fatty" and then roll away laughing and laughing as Burnard attempts to console his new husband. Why did The Stud Stable engage in this heinous plan? How will Adam Page avenge himself while dealing with the damn numbers game? What kind of STDs does Burnard have? And most importantly how will The Stud Stable's RAP (Replacement Above Pac) numbers be scored? All these questions and more will probably never be answered cause they'll just use someone like Shawn Spears as PAC's replacement.

Finished Crockett Cup and Aldis/Scurll was really good and I'm not a Scurll guy at all. Aldis' best post-TNA match and easily the best Scurll match I've ever seen. Practically none of his spinning around flapping his arms villain bullshit in it. Definitely worth seeking out. Ricky Morton telling Black Ref to get out of his way so he could reach out to the fans for sympathy. Jocephus is completely generic looking now. If they didn't announce him, I never would've recognized him. James Storm trying to cut a serious promo and getting his feet wrapped in streamers. I don't know why Madusa was there. Pretty sure she didn't either.

If they're serious about stats then they should bring in Scott Steiner. JR: "Let's go to Mookie and Tony with our analytics breakdown of the week. Back in my day an analytics breakdown was what you took when you were all backed up, bah gawd." *SIRENS blare* "If you're talking numbers and stats, then you don't go to the horse's ass, you go to the genetic freak that's hung like a horse and that's a fact! I'm a college educated man and I heard that AWE was a progressive company and there ain't nobody more progressive than the Big Bad Booty Daddy! I please all my freaks equally. Now let's breakdown the numbers. I'm looking out at this mass of fatass and I'm seeing a male to female ratio of 5000 to 1 and those 2 ain't nowhere near hot enough to even being in the bottom 1% of my freaks. Now we look at diversty and you people are 98% white trash. And you break it down a little more to the demos and 87% care way too much about a cartoon hedgehog and not enough about a little beaver. You add all that up and that's not how you spell progress...cause Big Poppa Pump is your hookup. HOLLER IF YOU HEAR ME!"

I hope the battle royal was changed cause Shad saw "Over The Budget" and flipped his shit. "How can you already be over budget on the first show?" AEW has really got to start making their graphics look more like a fight poster or at least make the word 'WRESTLING' visible cause to the uninitiated that doesn't look like pro wrestling. Maybe a poker tournament but the title and nude Kenny Omega makes it look like a strip poker-themed double penetration gay porno. Similarly confusing banner outside the MGM Grand. https://twitter.com/CodyRhodes/status/1108864936355262466/photo/1

Upon further reflection, I've changed my pick. I want Carmella to win MITB and cash in on Becky Lynch at the end of the night. Nobody's been screwed over more by Becky Lynch than Carmella. She won the first women's MITB match and Lynch complained so she won it a second time and Lynch still complained. Won the title from Charlotte Flair. Becky Lynch couldn't take it from her and continued complaining. Lost the title because Lynch got pinned and I don't think ever got a rematch cause Lynch jumped the line on the basis of being a terrible friend and the fans being total crybabies. Won MMC2 to get the final spot in the Rumble and Lynch entered after her.

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