SirSmUgly

Show #200 – 2 August 1999 “The one where Dennis Rodman and Randy Savage attempt to get Eric Bischoff fired” Show number two hundred! I think. I'm slowly adding these to a Google Doc and editing them one final time, so we'll see if I got the count right. If not, there'll be edits. Oh, there'll be edits. Sadly, we won’t be making it to three hundred no matter how I count 'em. ☹ After a recap of our last episode before the title card, which is a thing going forward, I guess (at least for now), it’s time for the show. By “it’s time for the show,’ I mean that there’s another video that broadly recaps Hogan/Nash/Goldberg from eight (!) months ago and what’s happened with the WCW World Heavyweight Championship since then. Recap: Booker T. and Stevie Ray re-form Harlem Heat on Thunder. A cursory re-watch of WCW continues to bury the HOT CRUISERWEIGHT OPENER myth. It was a myth when Bischoff actually gave a damn about the cruiserweight division, and it is certainly a myth now. The Jersey Triad enters the arena. They do some awful mic work per the usual. I get it, the point is that they’re annoying dorks, but it doesn’t make this any more watchable. The Triad is okay in the ring as a group, but this step down for DDP is almost criminal considering how great he was earlier in the spring. Heel DDP as champ was fresh. Babyface Hogan as champ hasn’t been remotely fresh since 1987, and that only changed for a brief moment in 2002 with his one-month novelty reign as WWE Undisputed Champion. They should have run with DDP at the top as President Flair’s handpicked champ or something. Why are they running a Jersey Triad/Harlem Heat non-title match two weeks before the PPV? This is nonsense. They could just run a Harlem Heat squash of some tag team with a Triad run-in and save the actual match for Sturgis. Booker and Kanyon have a nice opening exchange that ends with Booker landing a dropkick and tagging in Stevie for a double back elbow. Wow, WCW fans were really into Harlem Heat as babyfaces. This is actually the first time they’ve been babyfaces in their WCW run as a team, I think; that’s actually sort of novel. Bam Bam and Stevie square off next, and Stevie out-clubbers Bammer; Bam Bam gets control with an eye rake, a snapmare, and a falling headbutt. Bammer tries a vertical suplex, but gets blocked and reversed. Still, Bam Bam is up first and Stevie ends up as FIP. He doesn’t suffer for too long; he hits a big boot on a charging Kanyon, clotheslines him, and gets a hot tag. A couple of guys try to start a DDP chant and the rest of the crowd responds with a vociferous SUCKS. Man, these Midwestern crowds are always hot even this late into 1999. Bam Bam helps Kanyon get a hold of Booker; Kanyon is able to land a few elbows, a body slam, and a slingshot elbowdrop for two. Bam Bam tags in and lands a diving headbutt, but Stevie breaks up the pinfall attempt. Bam Bam tries a standing dropkick, but is way too out-of-shape to get much off the ground. Yuck. Booker and Bigelow hit a double-clothesline spot, though, and we get another hot tag to Stevie. Stevie cleans house, and Booker comes in to fight off Bam Bam after Bigelow breaks up a pinfall attempt. Bammer tries to set Booker up for a Greetings, but Stevie pulls him off and clocks Bigelow; Stevie and Bam Bam go to the floor. Booker hits Kanyon with a Houston Side Kick and goes up for a missile dropkick. DDP runs down to try and clobber Booker with his title belt. I should mention here that DDP talked shit to Chris Benoit and insulted his mama in that opening awful mic work, and the camera completely misses Benoit getting his revenge by yanking Page away; it looks like Page just stumbled randomly at first. Booker hits the dropkick on Kanyon and gets three while Benoit stalks Page at ringside. Solid tag match! It probably gives away the result at Sturgis though, doesn’t it? Benoit grabs a mic and I think challenges Page to a fight. He nearly directly quotes Ron Burgundy: Let’s leave the mothers out of this, alright? It’s unnecessary. So I guess Lenny Lane and Lodi are brothers now. Like really, they are in storyline. It wasn’t that J.J. Dillon misunderstood their relationship. It’s that they are brothers who, um, give each other intimate massages? Is WCW running an incest angle? That really seems much more like a Vincent Kennedy type of angle. Anyway, they prattle on about bunny slippers and footy pajamas. It’s stupid. Here’s the full Nitro title sequence for some reason. Was there some sort of strategy in showing a simple title card early and then the full title sequence at some point later in the first hour? The Nitro Girls dance while a dude waves a THANK GOD FOR THE NITRO GIRLS sign around in the background. After that routine is over, here comes President Sting! He’s not a fan of how last week’s main event ended and would like to see Sid Vicious and Rick Steiner in the ring. He just needs a tag partner, and the crowd chants for GOLDBERG as soon as he suggests that he might be looking for one. Sting acknowledges it and takes the crowd’s advice. He’s going to give Goldberg until the start of Monday Night RAW to get out here and answer his request. Ernest Miller and Sonny Onoo are out next. Now, Buff stole Miller’s kicks last Nitro. Then, on a taped Thunder that was presented as sequentially happening after that last Nitro, the Cat used his supposedly-stolen slippers to win a match against Barry Darsow. Miller gets on the mic and basically is like, Hey, blackface is out of date, and what you did was uncalled for, and also I don’t need my red shoes to beat anyone, including you. He’s probably shoot not pleased with the blackface, so he comes off genuinely here. Oh, I see, Lenny and Lodi mentioning the Cat’s slippers are an excuse for the Cat to call them out for a match. Lodi has a sign requesting a Wham! reunion, but George Michael sung a whole song about how he was glad to be embarking upon a solo career, so that’s probably not happening. The Cat calls the WHB girls because the complexity of intersectionality means that you can be racially abused and yet still abuse someone else based on their gender or orientation, and what is pro wrestling but a sociological mirror of our times? The Cat destroys these fellas and hits side kicks sans ruby slipper to win the match. So, uh, I guess the Cat still doesn’t have his shoes. Except, you know, when they were magically transported back into his possession for the Thunder match that definitely happened after last week’s Nitro, it wasn’t taped before the last Nitro at all, no sirree. Gene Okerlund. Hulk Hogan. Interview. Yuck. Hogan’s WCW work has me thinking that he’s legitimately one of the WOAT interviews of all-time. Any good work that he did in WWF was completely overwhelmed by this WCW run. Case in point: Hogan says LET’S SHOOT WITH THIS, calls Nash “Mrs. Kevina,” and mentions the Four Horsemen parody. Three strikes and you are OUT SHIT, Hogan. He proposes a title match for later tonight because who doesn’t love hotshot booking in 1999? Sting’s back out at the top of the hour to get Goldberg’s response to his tag partner request. Goldberg is about to march out there (after not quite getting his cue and looking at a specifically-placed clock), but is diverted by Rick Steiner and Sid, who attack him with a shovel. They lock him into the boiler room in the back. Sting charges to the back and gets double-teamed as well. Why in hell is Rick Steiner being given a spot with actual main eventers? The heels march Sting out to the ring to continue the assault, but Sting fights back and hits a couple of Stinger Splashes. He tries a third splash on Sid, who goozles him as he leaps in. Sid hits a chokeslam and the heels talk shit to Sting. Goldberg bursts through the locked boiler room door, runs into the ring, and chases the heels off. Goldberg pats Sting on the head, which is probably a sign that he’s willing to tag with Sting. The two biggest babyfaces in the company stand tall. The pressure that WWF has WCW under in 1999 is amazing. WCW had WWF under pressure in 1996 and 1997 and WWF responded with a series of memorable creative successes (and some crap, to be sure). WWF had WCW under pressure and…welp… Evan Karagias is up against Disco Inferno in our next bout. Karagias gets the best of Disco early, working out of an arm lock to hit a series of arm drags and dropkicks. Karagias rolls through an arm wringer and locks on one of his own, but is sent to the ropes and hit with a big atomic drop. Disco continues the assault with clotheslines and stomps. He goes up for a dancing second-rope elbow and lands it for two. He tries it again and whiffs. Karagias makes a comeback with forearms and punches; then, he nails a floatover powerslam for two. Karagias continues to press Disco, but gets cut off with a boot and drilled with a swinging neckbreaker for two. Disco shoots Karagias into the ropes, but gets reversed and eats a back elbow. Karagias quickly hits a snap suplex for another two. However, Karagias goes back to the well one too many times and Disco is able to easily sidestep another dropkick attempt, and he has no problem lining Karagias up and drilling a Chartbuster for three. A solid competitive television match, that was. Blipment: In the back, David Flair and Torrie Wilson are confused about how titles work. They are also confused about how interesting conversation works. Or even merely functional conversation, for that matter. Anyway, that dope just learned that he only has to defend the U.S. title every thirty days, but he says that Charles Robinson will ref all his matches. Um, what? Ric’s not in control of who refs matches anymore. Sting should probably check into that. Hype video: David Flair drives down the value of the U.S. title with each passing day. Blipmo: Sid alternately mumbles and yells about Sting and Goldberg. Jimmy Hart (w/stupid trophy) leads Hugh Morrus and Jerry Flynn to the ring to face Dean Malenko and Shane Douglas. Douglas comes off like some rando who has just decided to show up and rally the not-yet-Radicalz. WCW Creative needed to make sure that he explained who he was and that he was in WCW before, and a lot like Hall and Nash, he needed to leave for different pastures, etc., etc. Douglas needed to make clear in his first promos that Ric Flair was a terrible leader not just earlier this year, but also in 1991, when Flair did to him what he’s doing to the not-yet-Radicalz. Maybe put together a couple of video packages to showcase that history. As is, it’s like, who is this guy and why does he have beef with the older WCW wrestlers? I mean, I know why, and I knew why then, but most viewers are going to be clueless. Malenko and Flynn open the match; they have a solid sequence that ends up with Flynn whiffing a kick and almost ending up in a Texas Cloverleaf. Morrus enters the ring, but so does Douglas, and the babyfaces clear the heels out. Douglas and Morrus tag in and have a sequence that is not nearly as good, but Morrus stinks and I blame him. I’m not sure what’s going on during one spot where Douglas goes behind Morrus on a back body attempt and Morrus just doesn’t turn around and feed himself for a boot to the gut. Malenko and Flynn end up back in the ring as the legal competitors; Flynn gets some momentum with a boot, a lariat, and a chop. Malenko ends up isolated in his opponents’ corner and takes a beating. Morrus hits two elbowdrops and a legdrop for two; Flynn tags in and hits a jumping back kick for another two. Malenko sneaks a flash sunset flip in there and hits a tag that the ref doesn’t see, but is otherwise deep in trouble until Flynn whiffs on a kick. Malenko gets the hot tag to Douglas, who gets two on a powerslam before the match breaks down. Malenko ends up dropkicking Morrus into Hart while Hart holds the trophy up as a weapon. Flynn whiffs on a top-rope clothesline shortly after that and clears out a dazed Morrus; Douglas drills Flynn with a Pittsburgh Plunge for the three count. Malenko takes the Hardcore trophy for his own and I think promises to get it back to Finlay ASAP into the camera. That match was a match that certainly existed! Music video: Goldberg and Megadeth. Goldberg is once again being booked into the ground; he’s in a nothing Road Wild match against Rick Steiner. Maybe they’ll finally put the TV title on Goldberg after he was utterly screwed out of it in his match against Disco Inferno back in Show #112. Hahaha, no, but seriously, what’s up with this bullshit booking? Can we run Goldberg/Savage at least once before Savage is done? The Nitro Girls dance. Scott Hudson has been critiquing Rick Steiner for his recent actions all night. That’s going to come back to haunt him, maybe. Yep, here comes ol’ Ricky right now to give Tony S. an opportunity to rejoin commentary. Rick backs Hudson into the ring and hits him with a belly-to-belly and a few punches before security comes out to back him off. There’s no Tony S. after the break. Alas, we are stuck with Eric Bischoff as our PBP person. Well, it’s better than Eric Bischoff as our color commentator or Jason Hervey in any role. We get some footage of Hudson being put in an ambulance. Bobby Duncum Jr. comes to the ring by himself to face Perry Saturn. Curt Hennig comes down with a mic before the match and blathers on about Chad Brock, former jobber underneath wrestler and then-current country music star. Hennig truly sucks on the mic as he tries to hype Brock’s music, but as a heel who is like WOW I CAN’T BELIEVE WARNER SIGNED THIS GUY TO A DEAL, YOU SHOULD DEFINITELY NOT CHECK OUT HIS MUSIC AT THE NEAREST TOWER RECORDS, WHERE HIS LATEST ALBUM IS ON SALE NOW! Then, he says that Saturn should instead be called Uranus. Is this Hennig WCW run almost over already? Please? Saturn quickly dispatches of Duncum with a DVD and challenges Hennig to a fight, which he wins as soon as Hennig hits the ring. I guess this is our match now. Hennig takes over and takes way too much of this match for my tastes. I think the guy is essentially useless at this point. These 1999 Nitros typically start dragging at some point, at about the time Bischoff showed up and this segment happened, that’s where I started checking to see how much time in the episode is left. This match goes on for way too long and ends in a schmozz. Some dude insists on holding up his MASTER P – GO BACK TO THE PROJECTS even though P hasn’t been on television in literal weeks. Ah, small-town Midwestern culture! I love it! Weirdly, the crowd chants REDNECKS SUCK even though this is exactly the type of crowd made up of a whole bunch of folks who would likely use that word proudly as a self-descriptor. Malenko and Douglas run down for the save. DDP is once again feuding with Chris Benoit. This was pretty good in 1998, but I’m not feeling much excitement about it here in the back half of 1999. Page hocks a loogie right in Benoit’s eye, ew. Benoit spits back and then they work a pacey opening. Page wins a back suplex, but is casual about picking Benoit up to suplex him and barely gets the ropes on a Benoit snap crossface. Page eats a bit of offense, but is able to land a swinging neckbreaker and re-assert himself. Page tires another back suplex; Benoit flips out of it and Page reaches back to hook him for a Diamond Cutter, but Benoit shoves him away and follows him into the corner for chops. They’re working multiple counters at a nice pace here, so this is an aesthetically pleasing bout. Page kills another run of Benoit offense with a back elbow. He lands a spinning sit-out powerbomb on Benoit for two. Page slows the pace down and preens in between successful offensive moves. Bischoff talks about how he can’t believe that DDP is helping former mortal enemy Ric Flair, but they didn’t tease any of that out much, either. If you’re going to do shooty-shoot nonsense, at least explain the backstory for the audience. Benoit tries to make a comeback, but runs himself into a spinebuster for two. Page barks at Charles Robinson about the pacing of his count. Page gets two on an elbow drop while Bischoff gabs on about Sting giving up control of WCW and handing it back to the dolts at Turner, just to clear up that pointless black hole of a storyline. I guess Bisch’ll be the storyline WCW President again for, uh, like four weeks? Benoit makes a comeback with rolling Germans; he gets two two-counts before Page blocks the third German and hits a back kick to the ball sack. Page lands a uranage for another two count, but is counter-DDT’d on an arm drag attempt. Benoit struggles to his feet and slashes his throat, then goes up for a flying headbutt that he drills. David Flair tries to run in and eats a forearm smash; Page tries to roll up Benoit from behind, but Benoit uses the momentum to keep rolling and end up on top for a three count. The rest of the Triad runs down as Page hits Benoit with two Diamond Cutters, then a third elevated Diamond Cutter. Page procures a belt from somewhere and whips Benoit while Dopey Dave tries to emote. Whither art thou, Harlem Heat? Can you not give one back to Benoit? Good match, though. Blipmo: Sid alternately mumbles and yells about Sting and Goldberg. Wait, didn’t I write that earlier? Sid whispers, “In the year 2000, I will be the Millennium Man, yeahhhhhhhhh” and this whole “Millennium Man” thing rings a bell. A very stupid bell. Gene Okerlund interviews Randy Savage (w/o Gorgeous George). Savage has stupid VOTE MACHO tights on. What a doofus, and it makes me sad to say this. Someone in the crowd has a TEAM MADNESS RULZ sign. Team Madness is dead, and it makes me said to say this. Savage has left George "under lock and key" since she keeps getting kidnapped by the ostensible babyfaces. He promises to beat down Hulk, Nash, and Rodman. He’d like Rodman to come out here right now, as a matter of fact, so that he can get right to it. He doesn’t get Rodman, though. He gets the very lovely Mona. She’s not the greatest at asking for her job back, but she’ll get better with the talky-talk. Savage grabs her chin and asks if she can be loyal and also if she can beg properly to get her job back. Savage forces her to her knees and then re-asserts her joblessness before calling for Rodman again. This time, Rodman comes out (with Swoll and 4x4 for some reason). Rodman says something that is bleeped and then says that he slept with kidnapped and sexually assaulted George; *sigh*, here we go. Rodman asserts an uncomfortable racial stereotype about black male virility that kind of gets a pop, but maybe it’s just me, it seems like a somewhat uncomfortable pop, and Savage is like JUST BECAUSE YOU’RE A BITCH DOESN’T MEAN YOU CAN STEAL MINE, and Bischoff might genuinely be worried about the tenor of this segment. That’s about when Mona sneaks up behind Savage and forearms him in the junk. Rodman takes that opportunity to slide in the ring and hit Savage with a lariat. He poses, then drops an elbow. He poses again…then drops an elbow. He wants a mic, but they won’t give one to him. He looks irritated about it. The crowd chants RODMAN. Nitro was sort of benign, if dull, and of course they couldn’t make it the whole night before doing a segment that was, um, very of its time, let’s say. Heh, Bischoff is definitely shook about what just transpired. He already senses that he might get fired at any time, and that segment didn’t help. He’s still enough of a salesman to opine on what they may do on the free-for-all that is PPV, though! The Dead Pool, as I have been informed they are called, comes to the ring. It’s now August of 1999, so I assume that any Raven appearance in WCW may be his last. I feel like opinions on Raven are quite polarized, and I’m standing at the pole where Raven in WCW should have been pushed as a spot main eventer and a conniving, devious upper-mid card Svengali who continually manipulated other wrestlers into his orbit for protection. I think his WCW run was stellar. Go back and watch these WCW shows deep into 1997 and through mid-1998 before the Flock imploded. The guy was way over. He was a good match machine on top of it. I have faith that Raven would have continued to tinker with his character and reinvent himself enough to stay over as the ‘90s came to a close. I’ve always liked Raven, to be sure, but I would say that he’s legitimately worked his way into being one of my favorite wrestlers ever at this point between this WCW watch and the bits and bobs of ECW re-watching that I’ve done in the last few years. Eddy Guerrero comes to the ring to face Vampiro. Bischoff says that they’re not allowed to show promotional footage for some Nitro Girls photo shoot PPV, but that it’s definitely steamy stuff. Then he goes back to apologizing for Savage and Rodman. Eddy goes right at Vampiro with strikes. Shaggy 2 Dope trips Eddy on a rope run so that Vampiro can take over. Vampiro is boring in control while Bisch talks about ICP performing at Woodstock ’99. Vamp tosses Eddy out of the ring and into a cameraman; he makes to slam Eddy’s head into the commentary desk while Bischoff shoos him away like a mildly-irritated grandparent sending their hyperactive grandkid out to the yard to run off some energy. Back in the ring, Vampiro gets two off an overhead belly-to-belly chant while some dudes try to get an ICP chant started. Eddy makes a comeback, but gets goozled and chokeslammed for two. Vamp goes up top, gets caught, and eats an arm drag. I genuinely think the Rodman/Savage segment elicited so much energy from this crowd that they're worn out. It’s like those two, Goldberg, and Sting are the actual stars on this show. Eddy takes out the interfering ICP; Raven looks entirely disinterested, though, and doesn’t get involved until it’s time to do his one spot. His one spot is shoving Eddy off the top rope and into a Vampiro Nail in the Coffin for three. I mean, Raven is working a gimmick where he’s disaffected and he looks particularly disaffected even for him tonight. Rey Misterio Jr. and Konnan run down for the save after the ICP jump in post-match and stomp at the downed Eddy. Bischoff blows off the Hogan challenge to Nash by saying that Nash is cool with any impromptu title matches, and he’s not interested. Then, he calls Hogan out to join commentary for the tag team main event. Ugh. Heenan decides to take a powder; Hogan tries to shake hands with Heenan, but Heenan’s a smart man. He declines and leaves. Hogan: “What’s wrong with Heenan, man, why doesn’t he just fall in line?” I treated you like shit before, but just fall in line and be nice to me? Yeah, that’s a man who is just faking at being a babyface. Sid and Rick Steiner come out to a clearly dubbed theme. What was Sid’s theme? I know this isn't a dub for Steiner’s GnR knockoff since that’s been fine for the past seven months’ worth of shows. Hold on. Alright, I listened to Sid’s theme, and I’m not sure what it apes so closely that it needs dubbing. Goldberg is okay coming out to Megadeth, though. I actually have a lot of curiosity about how they choose what gets dubbed over and what doesn’t. I don’t see how Rick Steiner’s obvious “Welcome to the Jungle” knockoff is any more okay than Jericho’s “Evenflow” knockoff or Page and Raven having Nirvana knockoffs. What makes Ernest Miller’s James Brown mimic so litigious? I mean, part of it is not wanting to send a few shekels Jimmy Hart’s way, so we don’t get the Three Count theme. But it’s interesting. I guess this Megadeth song is okay to use because WCW got the legal rights to use it in future reproductions of these shows. All that stuff is more interesting than this tag match. It goes a little under seven minutes. Goldberg and Sting rule the ring to start; the back of Goldberg’s head is legit split open from that earlier shovel shot, I think, and it looks like a clump of super glue is on the back of his head. Heh, just as I say that, Bischoff says that it is a clump of super glue. Sting randomly gets bonked into a guardrail so that he can play FIP for a couple of minutes. Hogan isn’t doing THE HULKSTER, BROTHER on commentary and, as it turns out, is quite tolerable in the role as a result. Sting makes a brief comeback by bashing Sid’s head into the mat, but Sid re-takes control and gets two on a chokeslam. Sid is over as a babyface and gets a SID chant, but when Sting comes back on him again, he gets a pop. Sid whiffs on a legdrop and Sting wraps him in a Scorpion Death Lock, which draws Steiner and Goldberg in. The ref focuses on Goldberg and Steiner comes up with a chair to hit Sting; Hogan gets up from commentary and takes the chair, then hits Steiner and Sid in the head with it. Kevin Nash comes out of nowhere and Jackknifes Hogan through the broadcast table as the timekeeper’s bell rings and the show ends. OK, that last part was pretty cool. This show wasn’t very good, but I didn’t hate it and most of the wrestling was perfectly fine. Honestly, you could do a whole lot worse. Also, we're one week closer to a temporary reprieve from Eric Bischoff, which I do thank Randy Savage and Dennis Rodman for. 2 out of 5 Stinger Splashes.

I'm a big fan of the Mexicools. They would have been bigger stars in the United States if their careers were shifted fifteen years forward. Oh well. I don't really rate Vampiro or Gangrel, TBH. I think the fun of the Vampiro match was largely that Rey was willing to fold himself in an accordion for Vamp's moves, even though Vamp did work hard. Rey could probably have a good six-minute television match with me in 1999, much less Vampiro. I did a double-take! I have some negative feelings about 1999 Madusa that will probably become annoyingly clear over the next bunch of reviews. KISS Psycho Circus was a Dreamcast game! That's like the most 1999-2000 thing ever. Your point about a sudden new burst of relevance is well-taken.

Thunder Interlude – show number seventy-three – 29 July 1999 "The WCW Gang preps midcard Road Wild matches, makes me re-live way too much of the previous Nitro" It’s the last Thunder of July 1999…I’m already into August in the show just before I’m into August in real life…it’s going to be quite the run to get to the end of 1999 in the next six weeks, but I still feel good about my odds. Recap: This way-too-long Hogan/Nash deal that shares their history…Time for me to grab a cup of coffee… Two more weeks of shows after this Thunder before finally getting to Road Wild…Ugh… As Ernest Miller and Sonny Onoo come to the ring, one of the commentators (probably Tenay) promotes something to do with the band KISS…What a goofy band…I guess it’s time for the KISS Demon…Sure, why not, seems like a WCW thing to get some faded, washed old band from the ‘80s with outfits that Demolition would find gauche and give them a bunch of money for no reason… The Cat does his pre-match spiel and promises to beat his opponent within five minutes…Whoa, Barry Darsow is his opponent…This guy looks old…That hairline is (even more) tragic, that’s what's doing it…The Cat tries a sneak kick, but Darsow’s been there and done that before…He catches it…I guess Darsow already did his Pain Stewart/Hole-in-One gimmick because Larry Z. says that Darsow recently gave up golf and broke all his clubs…Or maybe it’s just Larry dropping an Easter egg and mentioning something he heard pitched for Darsow backstage…This match isn’t good…Darsow has never been that good as a worker…I like the Demos (speaking of the Demos), and Repo Man is funny, but outside of Demos matches, I’m not going out of my way to watch his stuff…Miller’s not all that good either, and I genuinely don’t remember if he ever gets legitimately good…The Cat puts on a loaded slipper (how’d he get them back from Buff?) and wins with a roundhouse in under five minutes…He and Onoo harass Penzer to give the match time, and he confirms it on the house mic… Hype video: Goldberg, and I guess this Megadeth song was not dubbed over in this package…I couldn’t tell you one song from that band, so I’ll assume this is how they sound and it isn’t a dub…Also, they sing the title lyrics in this video, so it's definitely not a dub…Ew, they replaced Goldberg’s theme with this?!...I’d heard that Goldberg was using this as a theme back in the day, but I wasn’t actually watching WCW at the time…My possibly faulty memory has Goldberg using his old theme again by the time he’s doing stuff like feuding with Totally Buff and teasing a title match with Booker T…. Recap…Madusa and Mona confront Randy Savage…Since Madusa is supposed to be retired courtesy of Akira Hokuto in kayfabe, I’m assuming that Randy Savage flew over to Japan, broke into her house, and threatened both her and Kensuke Sasaki until they petitioned WCW to reinstate her… WCWSN promo…Konnan’s not around right now because of legal shit…They’ve shunted the NLS/WTR feud onto this show…Wow, that whole angle died almost immediately after it started…Probably not a great idea to bust into Bisch’s offense all strapped up if you want to keep the PPV appearances coming!... Erik (“Eric,” according to the chyron) Watts faces Buff Bagwell…They have a pose-off that Buff wins…They have a taunt-off that Buff gets the better of as well…Watts is a goofy heel…Actually, you’d think these two brosephs in the ring would get along in storyline…Watts isn’t very good, but he works hard…He’s not bad or anything, but there’s not much there…Watts has a decent enough heel control segment, cutting off Buff comebacks a couple times…He even hits a standing moonsault…It’s nowhere near clean, but kudos to that guy for being that big and trying that spot… There’s an unnecessary commercial break in the middle of this thing…This overlong, somewhat awkward match finally ends when Buff barely touches Watts with a clothesline that Watts flip bumps for…Buff hits a Blockbuster and covers, then moves out of the way before a charging Ernest Miller can drop an elbow on him…Buff leaves the ring winning by either DQ or pinfall, who knows…He clotheslines Sonny Onoo on his way back up the aisle… Replay: Goldberg vs. Hennig from Nitro in its entirety…I am a huge fan of Goldberg, but film some more Thunder matches, you bums…No need to show this again… The Jersey Triad hits the ring…Pre-match mic nonsense from Page and Company…I mean, it’s dreadful…It’s supposed to be dreadful, I suppose…They play the dozens in the corniest way possible…These guys should at least steal some good “mama” jokes…Jamie Foxx on In Living Color had my favorite one I’ve ever heard about a fat mama playing hopscotch…Bam Bam Bigelow faces Booker T….Bammer misses a splash and eats a number of boots and forearms, but he’s able to hit a big boot… Huh, this match starts out pretty entertainingly…Booker dodges a headbutt, but he’s trying to get Bam Bam off his feet and can’t quote…He tries a spinning roundhouse, but Bam Bam catches his leg and transitions into a back suplex…The Triad helps Bam Bam with some light cheating on the outside of the ring…Bam Bam misses another corner charge and Booker hits him with a spinebuster (!!) going into the break… Back from break, Book lands an axe kick and hits a Spinaroonie…The Triad jumps in and sparks a DQ by blatantly triple teaming him…Stevie Ray runs down with a couple of chairs and clears the ring…Hey, that’s pretty smart, bringing down an extra chair for the guy you’re saving…A HARLEM HEAT chant breaks out…Stevie gets a mic and is pretty funny…He challenges the Triad to a match…Stevie asks Booker to help him…Stevie’s wearing an nWo shirt, so Booker asks him to take it off if he wants to tag up again…Stevie complies…They hug…The crowd cheers…Aw, that was kinda nice!...Harlem Heat challenges the Jersey Triad to tag title match at Road Wild…I assume they don’t win and Stevie blames Booker for the loss?... Hey, the B-Team is dead!...I hope, at least… Replay: Hogan and Sting tag up in the Nitro main event against Kevin Nash and Sid…Less than a year’s worth of TV time before Hogan’s GONE, thankfully…This Thunder is shameful nonsense… The Radicalz Minus Eddy come to the ring…They face Ric Flair (w/Asya), DDP, and Kanyon (w/Bam Bam Bigelow)…It breaks down immediately…Is it weird that we haven’t heard anything from Ric about losing the presidency yet?...And this is a taped Thunder, so the sense is that he’s out here not giving a damn about having lost it or cursing Sting’s name…Things calm down, and the babyfaces settle into early control of the match…Tenay and Larry Z. try to get over “The Revolution” as a name for The Radicalz Minus Eddy (and Plus Shane Douglas, I guess)… There’s a commercial break and suddenly, when we come back, we go from Malenko controlling the ring to Saturn as FIP…This show is so poorly cut that it defies belief…Show us the actual matches taped for Thunder without breaks and cut down on the Nitro replays…Come the fuck on…DDP eventually whiffs on a corner splash…He tries to recover and grab Saturn, but Saturn kicks away and tags Benoit…The finish is busy…Bam Bam tries to hit Benoit with a flying headbutt as Benoit covers Kanyon…Benoit moves, but gets tagged by a Flair loaded fist…Flair rolls Kanyon on top of Benoit for three…Shane Douglas hops into the ring after the match and does his whole THE YOUNGS ARE GETTIN’ SCREWED deal… Booker and Stevie re-uniting should have been on Nitro…On the other hand, Nitro should not be on Thunder…At least it only took me about fifty minutes to watch this show, I suppose…OWWWW…

I didn't wish for it! I wished against it while knowing it would happen!

Hey, the original storyline was 29 years ago! It's been done over four times as long ago as Cornette's rule. That should be enough for the internet era. Er, make that 24 years ago. But my point stands!

Show #199 – 26 July 1999 “The one where Wayne from The Wonder Years amplifies the pain” As luck would have it, Zellner and Bixenspan dropped a Between the Sheets three days ago on the previous week in wrestling. The downside is that I have to fast forward when they talk about something that I haven’t seen and don’t remember yet (I already know that Kevin Nash is going to switch alignments like he’s the Big Show over the next year – I was too slow on the trigger to avoid hearing that one). The reason I say this is that I was interested to find out that Scott Hudson as main PBP on Nitro was a two-week experiment, which explains why no one said anything about Tony S.’s absence from the desk. It apparently ends after tonight, but I liked Hudson on the previous Nitro. He was a fresh voice last week, and I think a three-man booth with he and Tony S., plus a color commentator, is a welcome addition to the show when it happens. I mean, as long as they don’t fuck up the choice for color commentary. It’d be just like WCW to get the balance right on PBP and then add, like, Mark Madden on color. In theory, of course. Only in theory. Also, that episode was already insane, and it cut Buff Bagwell in blackface. Imagine that! That episode as it is on the Network in 2024 doesn’t include it, which frankly I think should have been left for posterity so we can all be ashamed of our ‘90s edgelord selves as a culture. I went back and watched it on YouTube. There’s also someone in yellowface playing Sonny Onoo and an Asian model or stripper for some reason, and Buff is dreadfully unfunny on top of it all. I note that this recording includes the dubbed Ernest Miller theme, which means that it was in the Network version until NBC went on a rampage editing every instance of blackface out of the shows on their platforms post-George Floyd murder. Anyway, I’m going to go back and, uh, adjust the grade on the previous episode before continuing on with this review. Recap: All of last week’s big angles, most of which were weird. At least the crowd was hot for all that nonsense, I suppose. Unlike Macho’s new theme, which has grown on me, this new Nitro theme stinks worse every time I hear it. Recap: Curt Hennig challenges Goldberg to a match. Again. Gene Okerlund inflicts a Hulk Hogan interview on me. It’s bad. Hogan thinks that “Kevina” is a cute insult and uses it fifty-eleven times in this interview. Oh, wait, he switches it up and says “Kevette.” Super kawaii. Kevin Nash comes to the ring flanked by Sid and Rick Steiner. Hulk reiterates that he doesn’t need a tag partner to take out Nash and then, uh, borrows a Rick Steiner catchphrase. I get a mild kick out of Rick on the outside, who holds his arms out like HEY, THAT’S MY LINE, I’M GETTING THAT LINE OVER. Anyway, Sting turns heel by running out for the save after all three guys jump Hulk. Wait, I’m being handed a note. OK, this wasn’t a heel turn. SID gets a persistent chant from some fans near the mics because we’re in Memphis tonight. WCW management is trying to get DON’T MISS A MINUTE over as a tagline for Nitro. Scott Hudson drops said tagline and then immediately undercuts it when he shows a recap of what just happened in that first segment. Juventud Guerrera and Psicosis are a tag team tonight. Maybe make them a regular tag team? Maybe give them a manager to talk for them a bit? They face the worst members of the WTR – Bobby Duncum Jr. and Kendall Windham (w/Curt Hennig and Barry Windham). Hudson mentions that David Flair, now without the protection of the presidency, has been challenged to a U.S. Championship match by Chris Benoit. Yeah, maybe don’t draw this thing out and do the title change tonight. Duncum beats down Juventud to start. Juventud eventually fights back, but Duncum struggles at simple things like trying to back drop Juvi so Juvi can land on the apron. Now Kendall’s in here. Psicosis tags in and has a nice exchange with him; then,. Juvi springboards off the top and lands a dropkick on Kendall. Duncum rushes Juvi and Kendall lands a DDT on Psicosis, then takes control. Psicosis bumps around for this bum, and I am genuinely chagrined that they might actually job these two to the WTR, and furthermore to the two most useless guys in it, no less. Psicosis is the guy in peril since I think everyone in this thing is a heel, but the crowd gets behind him. There’s a missed tag spot in there, which leads to a double back elbow and double bulldog that puts Psicosis down for three. Fucking WCW. Psicosis should still be Cruiserweight Champ, and they have him jobbing to WCWSN fodder. That’s some nonsense. In the backstage area, Mona curls her hair and laments her firing from Team Madness. Madusa walks up and proceeds to cut a vile promo in which she asserts that a) she’ll be facing Mona at Road Wild (unfair for them because I suspect that it’s not the crowd for a women’s wrestling match that doesn’t involve mud or Jell-o) and b) Gorgeous George is really the slattern who has ripped Team Madness apart. Madusa talks Mona into attacking George, maybe? I don’t know. Is this sudden interest in a women’s storyline based on the WWF scoring a few hits with Sable and Chyna, and to a lesser extent, Jacqueline, Terri, and Miss Kitty? Vampiro (w/ICP) comes to the ring to face Rey Misterio Jr. I gave Nash praise for getting Rey over, but I now un-praise him for not capitalizing on it as he should have, though that criticism goes on down the line to everyone who booked this show until it was cancelled. I note that Konnan can’t even be bothered to come out here and second his buddy Rey even though Rey’s fighting his mortal enemy right now. They keep cutting to the ICP at ringside as Vampiro tosses Rey around in the early going, and man, this is the ‘90s-est shit I’ve seen in a while. Rey makes a comeback with a low dropkick and a bulldog, then lands a springboard dropkick that causes Vampiro to bail. Rey fakes a dive and gets a huge pop because he rules. I think people talk about what a low-point for presentation unmasked Rey is, but they forget that he is very over. This is a fun match because all of the offense is fun. Vampiro gets in the ring and murders Rey with a Uranage, then chops the hell out of the guy. In terms of the flow of the match, it’s not that great, but these dudes are just landing meaty offense on one another and bumping around effectively on everything. Rey hits a Bronco Buster, then goes after the ICP and turns around into a slam. Vampiro goes up, but Rey crotches him and tries a top-rope rana to finish it. Shaggy 2 Dope jumps up and holds Vampiro’s leg down so that Rey can’t get Vamp over; then, Vamp turns the rana into a diving powerbomb. The ICP immediately run in and stomp out Rey, and Eddy Guerrero runs down with a chair to make the save to huge EDDY chants. Well, at least they turned him babyface when it became clear that no one wanted to boo him, number one, and number two, what if WCW had pushed Rey and Eddy to the moon and tried to cultivate a Latin fanbase to help them find a way to survive, ratings-and-house wise? Is there an alternate universe where someone in charge was smart enough to do this, and does WCW live today in that universe because of it? Also, on an unrelated note, Konnan is a kayfabe bad friend. Violent J cuts a solid heel promo before backing away from the ring. I popped over to place this on my Good Matches for a YouTube Playlist list and was a bit startled for two reasons. First, this is the first match I’ve put on the list since Show #189, which is over two months’ worth of Nitros ago. Second, there were zero PPV matches on this list even though we’ve had two PPVs since then, but there have been ten Thunder matches that I’ve listed since that last Nitro match to make the list. I don’t think I’ll probably ever go back and watch all the WCWSN episodes there were during this time period – though who can tell what will strike my whimsy in the future – but the best way to view WCW in 1999 if you have even remotely the same taste as I do is to watch only Thunder and WCWSN, where you'll see the best wrestling and also pick up what happened on Nitro or PPV through the copious amounts of recapping that these shows do. Scott Hudson begs the viewer not to change the channel, but Virgil (w/Horace Hogan) come to the ring, so I don’t think his pleas are going to work. I guess the B-Teamers are breaking up because Stevie Ray comes out to face him. They had a long feud about who the leader was which was settled like two, maybe three months ago, and that’s all up in the air now. Virgil promises to kick Stevie out of the nWo before Stevie can leave them of his own volition. Stevie works babyface, fending off attacks from both Virgil and Horace. Scott Hudson promises to assault our ears on Nitro with a performer named Chad Brock while this nothing match happens. Let’s see – he’s a country singer. Thank goodness the Network is cutting out these fucking musical assaults on my ears. Stevie has few problems with Virgil in a too-long bout that ends when Horace gets involved and that doofus Mickey Jay doesn’t call for a DQ. Stevie dodges a team attack from the two, big boots Virgil, and hits him with a slapjack, then, uh, hits him with a Slapjack. In the aisle, Booker T. has already showed up with a chair and cut off Crush. Stevie wins it. I continue not to care about this Harlem Heat reunion that must not happen since Booker ends up losing his T. and becoming G.I. Bro for awhile for some INSANE reason. WCW has all these guys seen as homegrowns that the crowd is clearly ready to see elevated. Just elevate them already. Send the old dudes home to collect a paycheck if they don’t like it. I’m sure Bret, Sting, and Flair would have stuck around and help establish these fresher dudes. Sting barges into the Hulkster’s dressing room in the back. That’s all we see of things before a commercial. In a pretty good crowd shot, we come back to a woman holding up a THIS IS THE HOUSE THAT STING BUILT SIGN who goes nutty when Sting’s music hits. Scott Hudson got the directive to mimic Larry Sanders with constant NO FLIPPING requests, but louder and more intrusively. Sting gets the mic and introduces himself as the President of WCW. He takes a survey on whether or not he should make himself Hogan’s tag partner. The crowd is like, Okay, we guess so. Sting asks them again, but is cut off by “Rockhouse.” Hulk walks to the ring because we just haven’t heard enough of him talking tonight. Hulk is like I’m a good dude now, trust me. NO. Sting is a babyface moron idiot, so he trusts him. Funny enough though, when Hogan promises not to stab Sting in the back, the crowd boos a bit. Huh. At least Sting promises to get Hogan if Hogan screws him, and we know he will because he offered the same deal to Ric Flair about four years back (who screwed him) and he pursued revenge against Flair doggedly until the nWo busted in on his parade. FUCK, Jason Hervey is out here on color. Is this 1992? If so, why is Madusa suddenly useless? Where is Paul E.? Can we get a Ricky Steamboat or Ron Simmons match? Hervey can’t keep straight whether or not that was Robert Wuhl or Arliss at the desk last week and then shits on him and his show. I deeply hate what is happening right now. Are we starting a Jason Hervey/Robert Wuhl Arliss feud, or are we just desperately trying to make WCW look contemporary by bringing on the co-star of a show that ended, um, six years ago and has long been out of the forefront of the national consciousness? Prince Iaukea is a heel now, I guess. He slaps his opponent Lash LeRoux disrespectfully, and I’m interested in this match, so let’s have Randy Savage blow it up thirty seconds in and beat the hell out of these guys. You know what? It’s a bummer to hate seeing Randy Savage on my screen. It really is. I look forward to November of 1999. Leave the memories alone. Savage gets a mic and yammers a bit while Hervey doesn’t SHUT THE FUCK UP on commentary while the actual talent is talking, as faded as that talent is. Savage threatens Hulk and Rodman and basically wastes TV time. OH NO, now Madusa is going to have a mic battle with Randy Savage. This SUCKS. Madusa’s with Mona. They walk to the ring as Madusa struggles with her words, but eventually she blames George for convincing Savage to fire them. Dennis Rodman walks out onto the ramp as George backs away from the ring; George backs right into him, and then, get this – GET THIS – for the second time in like a month, a supposed babyface kidnaps her! What the fuck?! Hervey, as we go to break: THAT WAS COOL! No it wasn’t, you idiot. It’s the Dirt Worst. Back on Nitro, some ineffectual cops and security follow Savage around while he kicks open random doors. Gene Okerlund is back in the ring to make shitty Elvis Presley references and yammer on until Goldberg comes out, sans entrance theme. Hervey makes me miss Bischoff on commentary. That’s how irritating this guy and his whiny, high-pitched, nasal voice is. Goldberg gets a mic and says that Hennig sure seems to talk some shit when Goldberg’s not around, but they’re in the same arena tonight, so get ready to get fucked up. THANK GOODNESS Goldberg is back. This show desperately needs him in my humble opinion. Evan Karagias flirts with a couple of the ladies in the crowd as he comes to the ring. His opponent is Ernest Miller (w/Sonny Onoo), which gives me the opportunity to hit the mute button and get a break from this commentary. The Cat poses next to an I CAME TO SEE THE CAT DANCE sign. There are quite a few signs for the Cat every week. Dancing really was an easy path to getting over as a midcard babyface in the late ‘90s! The Cat talks some shit to Karagias before the match and offers a handshake that the Cat actually sells for a good thirty seconds before pulling Karagias in for a lariat. Scott Hudson puts over Buff’s impersonation of Miller the previous week. No, I don’t think “dead-on” is the way I’d describe that impersonation, Hudson, but okay. The Cat moonwalks into his Boogie Chop this time. He tosses Karagias over the top rope and then comically begs the ref for forgiveness so that Onoo can throw a few kicks in the background. Miller rolls Karagias for the most part. The Cat goes for the case that holds his ruby slippers and finds…bunny slippers. Buff comes to the top of the ramp with a mic and has apparently stolen Miller’s ruby slippers. At least he didn’t kidnap Sonny Onoo instead. Karagias rolls up Miller for three while Miller’s distracted; the Cat hops up and lands a Feliner on Karagias, then runs off in pursuit of Buff and his slippers. I’m not being a DVDVR contrarian here when I say that Buff is absolutely the diabolical heel in this feud at this point. Mikey Whipwreck makes his way out as Scott Hudson assists in correcting my long-held belief that Finlay was badly hurt in the junkyard match at BatB ’99 by noting that he was badly hurt in a random house show match against Brian Knobbs instead. That’s where he ate the Formica table bump that sliced up his leg. I choose to blame Knobbs for this. Whipwreck faces Lord Steven Regal (w/Dave Taylor). This has to qualify as a WCW-ass WCW matchup, right? Whipwreck and Regal have a nice series of hold reversals while Hervey and Hudson talk about Andy Kaufman and Jimmy Hart. They elide discussion of dirty old man Jerry “Puppies” Lawler, though. This is a slow opening, so the crowd is the quietest they’ve been all night. Regal works through a series of holds and locks on a kneeling crossface, then breaks it to throw knees and a European uppercut. Regal continues throwing strikes, but here comes Jimmy Hart with the First Family and the hardcore trophy. Hart challenges the two remaining royalists to meet them at Road Wild for the trophy. Whipwreck tries to jump Regal with a flash pinfall attempt, just having seen Karagias pull off the same deal, but Regal is able to avoid a sudden defeat and goes right back to twisting Whipwreck around while the crowd starts a BORING chant and then switches to a U-S-A chant. Welp, this match has gone off the rails. It actually didn't really ever get going anyway, and Hervey is just vile on commentary. I mean, it’s an all-time terrible performance. Usually, a random celebrity (using that term very loosely for Hervey) who is actually a wrestling fan will find a way to enhance commentary through sheer enthusiasm for the product, but Hervey can’t even manage that. Whipwreck manages one final comeback, but gets whacked with the flagpole by Taylor while running the ropes. One double underhook suplex and a Regal Stretch later, and Regal is the winner. Goldberg warms up in the back. Hervey still won’t shut the fuck up and is yammering as the show goes to break. Gene Okerlund is in the ring again, this time to interview the barely-sentient David Flair. Oh no, Torrie is out here too, so she’ll probably talk. Yuck. Dopey Dave does a mediocre impression of his pops, then asks Torrie to talk. Mega heel. Stop asking Torrie to explain herself, Gene. Shut the fuck up instead. Everyone in this ring needs to shut the fuck up. David Flair thinks he’s a lock to win, and Ric is established as not being in the building, so let’s hope this dumb shit ends tonight. Gorgeous George has gotten away from Dennis Rodman and tells Savage where Rodman is, so Savage runs out to Rodman’s trailer and tries to bust in while security blocks him. Hey, this Nitro is utter dog shit so far. Blipmos: Shane Douglas talks about how held down some guys who passed through ECW while he was there are and how he’s going to work and shoot and maybe work a shoot or two. Meh, I’m good. He doesn’t like Ric Flair, by the way. Goldberg is done limbering up. He smashes a locker with his head and walks off to kill Curt Hennig. Again. Goldberg kills Curt Hennig. Again. He puts Hennig in pumphandle position and then just flips him sideways. That seems like the sort of move you’d do if you weren’t taking someone seriously. Kendall grabs Goldberg’s leg so that Hennig can get the bullrope from Duncum. Hennig lands a shot with the cowbell end of the rope, but it merely annoys Goldberg. Goldberg bleeds from his forehead while he kills Hennig, then the rest of the WTR. This man has an aura, you know? It rules. I am decidedly not sick of Goldberg fucking dudes up. He spears every member of the WTR except Hennig; Hennig gets in the ring with a chair, then thinks better of it and splits as Goldberg wins by DQ. Hennig does eventually decide to tangle with Goldberg and loses that one; he gets launched over the top rope. My only complaint is that we didn’t get even one Jackhammer. Hype video: Kevin Nash versus Hulk Hogan. Bleh. This thing is LONG, folks. It takes for-fucking-ever to get through. Nash/Hogan is not a compelling enough matchup to warrant this. Is that Leilani Kai? Looks like it. She’s called Patty Stonegrinder though. She faces Madusa, who comes out in blackface even though she’s not feuding with Ernest Miller – no, wait, that’s just her tan. Madusa has gone complete Florida Woman – tanned like a brownish-orange cow hide, breast augmentation, inappropriate U.S.-flag patterned clothing that goes against the flag code. Unlike Mona/Alexander on Thunder, this match stinks. Madusa wins with a bridging German. DON’T TURN THAT CHANNEL, FOLKS! DON’T MISS A MINUTE of Shane Douglas versus Scott Putski. It’s so bush league that these new wrestlers are debuting without entrance music. Embarrassing. Especially for a company under the Turner banner! Douglas takes WAY too much offense from Putski. He works it nearly fifty-fifty before hitting Putski with a Pittsburgh Plunge for three. Speaking of entrance music, someone went to the trouble of digging out Chris Benoit’s entrance music from 1996 instead of just having him come out to Dean Malenko’s music. The production on Nitro in 1999 is all-time bad, and I don’t think we talk enough about how TNA-ish Nitro comes off at this point. Yeah, I know TNA came after WCW died, but that’s the best way to describe these shows. David Flair (w/Torrie Wilson and Asya) comes to the ring. Benoit, like Malenko, looks irritated that he has to lower himself to this caliber of opponent, which is kinda funny. Charles Robinson is the ref, so he tries to calm a rattled David down. David gets back in the ring and Benoit chops him. A couple of Benoit’s chops legit echo around the arena. Benoit hits offense for a while, then locks on a Lion Tamer. David taps out, but Robinson refuses to call for the bell. Benoit argues with the ref, then goes back to hitting offense; he lands a diving headbutt, but continues his attack while Kanyon, I think, comes out to watch. No, that’s DDP. Page runs in and hits Benoit with a tag title. *sigh*, David covers for three. The rest of the Triad, Saturn, and Malenko all run down and brawl. I am not a fan of any of this shit they’re doing with the U.S. title. Shane Douglas joins the babyfaces after they fight off the Triad. We come back to Rick Steiner sipping a Surge on his way to the ring; he defends the TV title against Chase Tatum (who just lost on Thunder, mind you) after doing his fucking pre-match mic work routine that sucks ass. Hervey yells HOODY HOO…NOT. I’m in hell. I’m in pro wrestling hell. This match sucks ass, but at least it’s short. Steiner wins with a diving bulldog. This show has gone on for what feels like days. Finally, finally, it’s main event time. Hudson is annoying on commentary while listing potential partners for Nash. Nash comes out wearing an Outsiders tank, which makes me think it’s not Hall, combined with Hudson being like IS IT SCOTT HALL?!?! Sting and Hulk Hogan end up facing Nash and Sid, in fact. What follows is a low-impact tag match that bores the pants off me. The match breaks down after a few minutes and the babyfaces rule the ring. Nash takes over on Sting for a bit when the match re-starts. He misses a charge in the corner, but hits Sting with Snake Eyes. Sting is FIP (of course). Sting has a couple of aborted comeback attempts before an awkward exchange with Nash on a corner charge sparks a hot tag to Hogan. The match breaks down again, and Sting squashes the ref on a Stinger Splash attempt to Sid. Wow, a ref bump, I can’t believe it. They never have those in WCW matches. Rick Steiner comes down the ramp with a steel chair and yams Sting with it. Meanwhile, Hogan sets up for a legdrop and is tripped by Steiner; Nash taps Hogan in the dome with the chair and gets a three count. Goldberg runs down after the match and attacks Nash, but Steiner hits Goldberg with the chair a few times. This wasn’t just a terrible episode of Nitro. It was a terrible episode of Nitro narrated by Jason Hervey. Needless to say, it was akin to torture, and Bischoff should be hauled up in front of a judge at the Hague for allowing this on his watch. -25 out of 5 Stinger Splashes.

Maybe a heel could secretly slip shrimp into an openly-kosher wrestler's scrambled eggs as a way to escalate a feud.

Of course. Most episodes had three to five plotlines that tended to get tied together in a neat little ball, at least after they worked out the early-season wonkiness. A-plot: Jerry lies to George's college crush and says George is a marine biologist; George has to keep up the lie to get with her. B-plot: Elaine edits the book of an irritable Eastern European writer C-plots: Kramer is working on his drive; Kramer gives Elaine a malfunctioning electronic organizer; Jerry has a t-shirt that has survived the wash the most, so he loves it the most All those plots get wrapped together at the end (Kramer: "Huh, a hole-in-one!"). This episode of Seinfeld would have been blown up in 2024 after George's college crush got on LinkedIn before Jerry could alert George that Jerry lied about his profession; she would have found out the truth herself and never called him back. Also, Elaine would have a cell phone, and therefore wouldn't need Kramer's malfunctioning electronic organizer.

There's too much coming out this year for me. Echoes of Wisdom, Lego Horizon, M&L Brothership, Sonic and Shadow Generations, MvC Fighting Collection. I don't have a backlog to clear anymore. It's just like, I'm in the mood for a fighting game, I'll pop in this fighting game, etc. I do buy stuff and immediately play it, though. I don't buy and just add to a backlog anymore, so that helps.

I hope you're enjoying it. It definitely has me going at these games in a much different way than I ever have before. While I'm talking about this game, I sort of hate the original TLoZ. I feel like Link is more responsive to my d-pad presses in Link's Awakening or ALttP to such a degree that I actually got kinda heated at having to clear the first labyrinth as the last challenge. Getting at least an A-rank isn't that hard, but I have my pride and would like to S-rank or A++ rank everything eventually. But man, moving Link around feels terrible. As for Balatro, I a) cannot get the cards I need to bring my deck down to five so that I can unlock the last voucher, and I cannot b) get into the quintillions in terms of score (I haven't even reached the multibillions), and I'm getting sick of not getting useful long-term jokers at all, or getting them and then not getting the support cards to effectively plan around them. I might need to put it down for awhile.

It's sort of analogous to thinking about how many Seinfeld plot threads would have been completely undercut by the existence of smart phones or even less-advanced mid-aughts flip phones. /cue Nice Guy Eddie

Thunder Interlude – show number seventy-two – 22 July 1999 "The WCW Gang is entertaining, but they'd be more entertaining if they didn't cut whole FIP segments out of hot tag matches" Moline, Illinois has a pro team that has won some sort of championship and has its banners hung above the entryway…That pro team’s nickname is the Thunder…Ah, the Quad Cities Thunder…The only basketball team with that nickname that I recognize…That’s a nice bit of accidental synergy… Kaz Hayashi isn’t being forced to wear the Glacier gear anymore…That was a funny series of skits, but it went nowhere…It just happened with no follow-up…Glacier's not even Glacier anymore...He's in his Coach Buzz Stern gimmick now...They’re going to feed Kaz to Van Hammer…This is an enjoyable competitive squash because Kaz bumps like a maniac and uses his speed effectively to snap off offense where he can…He’s such a crisp athlete…Kaz targets the leg, but simply doesn’t have the weight to do much damage…Also, he tries to powerbomb Hammer…Oops…Kaz has moxie, at least!...As I said, this is fun stuff, especially because Hammer does some nice bumping for Kaz toward the end…Hammer rolls away from a top-rope senton splash and hits a spinebuster and Cobra Clutch slam for three…I dug it!... Lenny and Lodi are freaking out backstage about something… Recap: Madusa and Mona are on the outs…Rodman and Savage are also on the outs, for that matter…Man, watching it again, that segment with Wuhl-as-Arliss screaming PAY PER VIEW repeatedly while Rodman preens into the corner camera and Okerlund vainly tries to interview him is surreal…And then Mona and Madusa randomly brawling in one corner of the ring while Savage and George ignore them to yell threats at Rodman in the other corner…It was surreal… Hey, we’re getting a rare women’s match here in WCW…Brandi Alexander faces the lovely Mona…I guess she’s going to wrestle in the dress…I won’t be distracted by the dress…But uh, she looks great, that’s all I’ll say…Any woman that looks like that and also throws a sweet missile dropkick is a keeper…Mona comes out here and gets a babyface reception even though I think she was originally supposed to be the heel…Mona gets top control and gets a front headlock, but is countered into an arm wringer…Mona somersaults out of it…She gets up and unties her hair, so I guess it’s on… Mona hits a couple arm drags and a dropkick that sends Alexander to the floor…You know, if WCW had taken a women’s division seriously, that would have been a neat way to differentiate from the WWF…Then again, we’re probably a good decade away from women’s wrestling being something that most wrestling fans were interested in taking seriously…The composition of wrestling crowds is just totally different between 1999 and 2009…Anyway, Alexander dominates with offense back in the ring…Hair whip, vertical suplex, front kick, but no cover attempts…Mona finagles a sunset flip in there before getting worked over some more…Woof, Alexander hit a meaty short-arm clothesline in there… Alexander bends Mona over in a Boston Crab, but Mona wriggles out by using her legs and slipping through for a flash pin that gets two…Alexander re-asserts control and goes up, but she gets caught and pressed to the mat…Mona makes her comeback…She gets two on a side slam…Mona headscissors her way out of trouble on a rope run, lands a Muta-style handspring back elbow in the corner, and ducks a desperation crossbody attempt from Alexander…Mona hits a vertical suplex and bridges for three…While I’m slightly disappointed that we didn’t get a missile dropkick in this thing, that was very fun stuff…Thunder is delivering in the wrestling ring so far… Well, all good things must end, right?...Here comes the WTR…Ah, they showed the Goldberg/Megadeth thing in the original broadcast, which is why we come back to the crowd chanting GOLDBERG and Hennig hating on Megadeth…Hennig hates not only rap, but metal…Hennig calls out “Goldturd” *sigh*…Goldberg’s not at Thunder because he’s got better stuff to do, duh…Hennig challenges Goldberg on Nitro, and I am looking forward to Goldberg killing all four of these guys and maybe knocking them off TV for awhile… We’re getting a match in this segment, too…It’s Hennig against Chase Tatum…Did you know that Chase Tatum worked for OutKast when they were touring?...He was even in Who’s Your Caddy?, which I forgot…Man, we’re never going to get Ten the Hard Way…I mean, Andre should live his truth and put out as many experimental flute albums as he wants, but I still would like one more OutKast album…I enjoyed the Idlewild soundtrack well enough, but it's just not right to end things on Idlewild…Anyway, there’s a match, it’s not any good, and things degenerate into a brawl…Swoll tries to hit Hennig with his punch which actually is a heart punch this time…He misses and hits Tatum, and Hennig snaps off a quick Perfect Plex for three…OK, fine, we changed tempo on this show, now let’s have some good wrestling again… Lenny and Lodi are freaking out because they’re having a handicap match against Sid Vicious tonight…They hide while Sid walks past and sniffs the air like a hungry T-Rex…Lenny goes so far as to do a Looney Tunes-style sneaking walk as he pops back out after Sid appears…They accost a passing Jimmy Hart for advice on their match, and he advises that they set up immediate medical attention for after the match…That was amusing, actually… Recap: The Jersey Triad is going to feud with a re-united Harlem Heat, maybe…I have no interest in a re-united Harlem Heat yet…Maybe if this company had lasted past March of 2001, later that year, a short reunion would have been fun…Or if the WWE had managed one in 2003 or something… Ah, back to normal…Juventud Guerrera and Psicosis tag up to face Rey Misterio Jr. and Eddy Guerrero…I’ll say it again, and I have to be honest about this considering how much shit I've given him, Nash booking himself and Luger to feud with Rey made Rey look like a future main eventer by proxy, and Rey getting a clean fall on Nash cemented it…Of course WCW never went farther with him than that, and they should have in the final days of the company where they cleared the logjam of over-the-hill main eventers and had some space at the top of the card…And I can certainly critique some of the finer points of Rey’s “giant killer” run, particularly how little offense he got in against Bam Bam and Scott Norton (especially compared to how much he got in on Nash, who gave him a lot more than either of the two gatekeeper midcarders did)…But it worked…Successfully elevating Rey might be the one clear success of Nash’s tenure as head booker… Rey pops Juvi one after Juvi immediately tags out, so Juvi immediately tags back in to get some revenge…Or pose…Actually, he chooses to pose…There’s an early break after the opening action…It’s back and forth and includes a broken double-team attempt from the heels, followed by a successful babyface attack in which Eddy launches Rey onto Psicosis outside the ring, then gets two when he wraps Juvi in a flash pinfall attempt…The heels regroup outside the ring going into the commercial… Rey is the FIP when we come back, having just eaten a guillotine legdrop…We missed pretty much the whole FIP segment…Bummer and a half…Rey hits a counter facebuster and gets a hot tag to Eddy…Eddy has an intense, pacey hot tag…Juvi finally jumps Eddy in the corner to turn the tide, and then Rey tries to attack, but crashes into Rey…The heels try to shoot Rey into Eddy, but Eddy lifts a charging Rey and launches him into a headscissors on a charging Juvi…Psicosis charges and hits his signature corner bump…Eddy sets Psicosis on the top rope and launches Rey into a top-rope rana for three…That match was so fun, but we missed the whole FIP segment because of a fucking commercial break…And yet we got to see a billion-year headlock in its entirety in the Tatum/Hennig match…WCW, come on…I loved what I saw, but we missed the whole middle act, so I can’t quite recommend it… Randy Savage (w/Mona and George) hits the ring in street clothes…Savage challenges Dennis Rodman to a fight…He has also fired Madusa…He keeps babbling about running for POTUS…It sucked when Hogan did it, bruh…No need to do it again…Savage deposes Miss Madness ’99 from her position…He abuses her a bit, but no slapping this week!...He tells her to get down and beg for her job, but she gets fired anyway…Boy, Team Madness had a whole lot of potential, but the booking is unable to focus on anything good for very long to get maximum value out of it…I feel like I’ve written that a hundred times during this run of Nash-led booking…Savage promises to swing back around to targeting fellow heel Kevin Nash later on to end the promo… Rick Steiner defends his TV title against Sick Boy…RUN WIT DA BIG DOG…WANT SOME, COME GET SOME…DON’T LIKE ME, BITE ME…Also, he threatened Goldberg in there…If Steiner did more suplexes and lariats, he’d be watchable…But he doesn’t…He does bad submission work and lots of face gouging…Well, at least it was short…Steiner wins with the top-rope bulldog in a quick squash… Hype video: Berlyn is all about, uh, taking down the Wall and, um, Germanic pride (but not too much Germanic pride!)…Potential character catchphrase shown in the video: KNOW VICTORY, NO DEFEAT…They delayed Berlyn’s debut because he wore a trench coat and Columbine happened…Then they sent him in there against Duggan for his debut…Alex Wright was screwed, man… Recap: Kevin Nash is a heel again randomly, suddenly hates Hulk Hogan even though he loved Hulk Hogan two months ago…You know why I don’t buy this turn?...Because Nash was supposed to be so mad at Hogan, but he agreed to hand him the title to re-form the nWo…In no way has anything on screen since then precipitated any obvious change in Nash’s stance… Tenay and Larry Z. cut a barely-hearable phone interview with Kevin Nash…OK, they get the levels right…Nash challenges Hulk and Sting to a tag match on Nitro…He alludes that he’ll be bringing Scott Hall as his tag partner…Also, he probably made this call from Trader Vic’s…In kayfabe and also shoot… Recap: Who exactly is the WCW President?...Who the hell knows…I guess we’ll find out on Nitro… Sid kills off Lenny and Lodi…We get chokeslams, big boots, and two powerbombs…Lenny randomly rolls into 69 position after he gets powerbombed…It's fucking dumb… Ric Flair (w/Asya) faces Dean Malenko in the main event…Tenay talks as if Sting is definitely the new WCW President…We’ll see if it sticks on Nitro…This is a heel Flair formula match…But it’s against Dean Malenko and not, say, Ricky Steamboat, so it’s not as compelling as it could be…Bischoff thought that Benoit, Eddy, and Malenko were guys that needed to be pushed heavily, but not Saturn…Look, I’m not saying Saturn was a main eventer, but he’s like a billion times better than Malenko…Eddy’s a true main eventer, Benoit is a spot main eventer/upper-midcard gatekeeper, and Saturn and Malenko are solid midcard players and good tag team anchors… Flair gives hometown boy Mickey Jay some shine by working his ref shove spot into this match…Asya distracts the ref as Malenko gets a visual three count on a small package…Flair tries to bail, but Benoit and Saturn come down and block his way…That’s a neat touch…Remember, Flair kicked Benoit and Saturn out of the building on Monday, but I guess he doesn’t have that power now…The Jersey Triad runs down and jumps Benoit and Saturn in the aisle… Asya tries to get involved and is immediately clocked with a clothesline by Malenko…WCW didn’t get that what made Chyna such a badass, besides her considerable physical charisma, was that she actually was effective on the outside and when she interfered…Asya just gets beaten up all the time by dudes…Chyna landed nut shots, cage door shots, forearms, etc., and turned the tides of matches with believable offense in big spots…Even taking out the fact that I am a pretty big mark for Chyna, I can see why Asya ain’t shit compared to her…It’s partly that she doesn’t have a thimbleful of Chyna’s charisma, but it’s also partly how she’s deployed during these matches… Anyway, back to the match…Page runs in and tries to hit Malenko with a Diamond Cutter…Malenko shoves him away, but Flair slips in with a roll-up and hooks the tights for three…This was acceptable televised wrestling… Thunder started out hot and had two-and-a-half awesome matches before slowing down…But it continues to generally be a fun wrestling show…WOOOO…

Theoretical question: Is Jim Cornette's theory that you can re-run angles every seven years for a fresh set of fans dead because of the internet? I ask this because I ended up down a YouTube rabbit hole and watched Mark Henry fake his retirement and WSS John Cena, which is still a classic. But underneath the video, a bunch of comments were about AJ Styles doing the same thing earlier this year. Because of the Network and all the clips on YouTube, combined with WWE mythologizing its own angles so effectively, seven years isn't enough before rerunning the same angle, if it ever was. I assume that it was also easier to re-run angles in the territory days, which is where Cornette is partially coming from. If you're going to take a stock angle and run it again with different players, what would be the reasonable amount of time before it's fresh again, considering streaming and the ready-made archiving of pro wrestling on the internet?

Show #198 – 19 July 1999 “The one where Nitro is not at -459.67 degrees Fahrenheit, but still manages absolute zero The one with Buff Bagwell in blackface” I have zero idea where the WCW World Heavyweight Championship goes from here. Let’s hope this Hogan reign is short, though unfortunately it seems likely to go at least a month so that we can get this lukewarm Road Wild main event. Y’know, it was the build to last year’s Road Wild where the wheels came off creatively for WCW and, barring a couple of glimmers of a potential turnaround, they stayed off as WCW drove into a ditch and, uh, burst into flames when the gas tank exploded. Yeah, that’s how this metaphor would work. Hey, Scott Hudson’s sitting in for Tony S. tonight! I’d prefer that he replaced Bobby Heenan, but whatever. For some reason, both Dennis Rodman and Robert Wuhl (who vaguely I recall actually portrayed the title character in Arli$$ on this episode, somehow, even though I’ve never seen this episode of Nitro) are in the building. Recap: Ric Flair lost his mind, still hasn’t recovered it. Syko Sid Vicious (yeah, that’s how I’m spelling it, and I know that it’s a WWF nickname) opens the show. Huh, he opens the show against Hulk Hogan in a WCW World Heavyweight Championship match. Well, at least Nash is taking the first hour a little bit seriously. When does Sid get entrance music? I do get a kick out of Sid getting BOOOOOOOO’D and then getting a mic and yelling I CAN TELL BY THE CHEERS OF THE FANS THAT THEY FEEL THE SAME ANTICIPATION I FEEL. Honestly, it’s time to re-evaluate Sid’s mic work. I think it’s pretty good sometimes; he can be a funny dude. Oh, wait, he just opens the show yelling about Hogan, not having a match with him. Commentary did not make that clear. “Nash taking the first hour seriously” comment RETRACTED. The Nitro Girls dance. Fit Finlay is our current WCW Hardcore Champion, I guess? Maybe? They still don’t have a fucking hardcore belt! Finlay is still walking around on both legs, so good for him. Jimmy Hart shows up on the TurnerTron and crows about having stolen Finlay’s ugly trophy. You know what made the Hardcore Championship in WWF so cool? It was a cracked, fucked up, taped-over Winged Eagle belt. That belt has some STYLE in its weirdo way. The trophy is an ugly ripoff of that. They should have grabbed the Western Heritage States title from storage and mangled it if they wanted to get the same sort of feel for their trophy/belt. I just GIS’d the WCW Hardcore Championship belt, and it sucks. No feel. Anyway, Hart sends Jerry Flynn down to face Finlay. This crowd is hot for American goofball Flynn attacking Northern Irish HEATHEN Finlay. I am making some strong, maybe unfair judgments about the populace of Rockford, Illinois. This match is fine. I like Finlay’s jawbreaker! It’s a real good jawbreaker. Finlay wants to get hardcore with a chair outside the ring, but the ref stopping him allows Flynn to come back and really get this OBLIGATORY RINGSIDE BRAWL/THESE FELLAS GONNA RISK IT ALL/OBLIGATORY RINGSIDE BRAWWWWWWWWWWL *sax noises* going. Jimmy Hart comes back on the TurnerTron and yells intelligibly at Finlay while Finlay, uh, locks on a chinlock and, er, the crowd chants U-S-A. That’s the most boring possible combination of things to happen at this moment in this match. I don’t know who in booking or production decided to have a poorly calibrated TurnerTron sending out an annoying, high-pitched echo from Jimmy Hart during this match, but that person was wrong to make that decision. Finlay hits his forward roll slam and takes off for outside to find Hart in the parking lot. Hart hides under a production bus; Finlay easily finds him like the mom in Family Circus finds Jeffy hiding in the closet, hands over his eyes to make himself invisible. The First Family jumps Finlay and, yeah, it’s pointless television. J.J. Dillon calls the West Hollywood Blondes into his office. They think that Dillon is going to fire them for being a couple, but Dillon thinks they’re brothers and not lovers, so they’re safe! *snoooooooore* Gene Okerlund insists on inflicting a Hulk Hogan interview upon us. Fuuuuuuuuuck. Rockford, IL is like OH YEAH, WE’RE NOT SICK OF HOGAN’S ACT AT ALL, LET’S HAVE MORE OF IT PLEASE. We should contract Rockford. Contract them from the United States. We'll replace them with San Juan. There is one good thing about this segment: Bischoff is rehabilitating “Rockhouse” a bit by having a guy who has actually main evented in his career coming out to it. Okerlund creams his jeans while Hogan rips off his shirt. Hogan says some bullshit. He’s a babyface now. Whatever. Nash is still punting the first hour. Ain’t no one out here with any taste in pro wrestling watching Hogan in 1999. You’d better get out of here with this shit. Lenny Lane and Lodi are gay. You can tell because Lenny is skipping around and twirling his hair. That is the sort of behavior you see from gay men in public all the time. I was at the bank with my wife trying to get a home loan the other week, and in the middle of a complex discussion about interest rates, the associate we were working with got up and skipped while twirling his hair. It was a challenge for him because he was clean-shaven up top, but he found a way. We asked him about it, and he said, “Oh, I did that because I’m gay. Every hour on the hour. I'm compelled to. It's science.” This is a true story that is in no way an exaggeration meant to illustrate one of my many complaints about this dumb gimmick. Norman Smiley is the opponent for tonight, so I’m sure that he’ll do the Big Wiggle, but whomever he does it to will like it or something, and Smiley’ll be like EW UGH NO, I ONLY SIMULATE RAW DOGGING MY MALE OPPONENTS FROM BEHIND IF THEY DON’T ENJOY IT, which is a whole other level of problematic [Editor's note: Wait, no, he doesn’t, so that’s good]. Lodi gets tossed around, since he’s Smiley’s opponent. Lenny Lane does a Big Wiggle and Smiley is angry about the taunt steal, which allows Lodi to jump him. He and Lenny are able to get a little bit of work in on Smiley. It’s slow and ponderous. This match stinks. Some guy in the fourth row has come up with multiple signs to homophobically slur Lenny and Lodi. Smiley wins with a flash pinfall attempt. Smiley demonstrates the Big Wiggle to Lenny and Lodi, and they practice it and smile at one another because they will do it during their enthusiastic sex session later tonight oh God WHYYYYYY do these Nitros SUCK SO BAD. Wonderful, it’s Eric Bischoff on commentary! He isn’t a shitty commentator and an even shittier babyface who was at the end of his creative rope a year ago and has only gotten worse as he’s gotten closer to the end of his first tenure running WCW! That doesn’t describe him at all! Recap: Sting and Flair have had many wars. So, so many. Bischoff speaks. He puts Chris Benoit, Dean Malenko, Billy Kidman, and Sting into, and I quote him directly, “the same era of athlete.” This “new blood” pre-angle is total bullshit. What a dumb angle. I don’t know why they went back to it; it obviously stunk based on this trial period. Sting faces Ric Flair to try and stanch the audience bleed from Nitro when RAW comes on; before the match, Sting hits Charles Robinson with a Scorpion Death Drop and tosses him from the ring so that Mickey Jay can take charge. Sting and Flair then have the same match they always have, *yawn*. I’ll skip to the finish. Sting gets two on a superplex, but Arn yanks the ref out of the ring. Sting clears him out, but Sid runs to the ring and attacks Sting while the ref is down. Flair locks on a Figure Four as the ref recovers, but Sting fires up and turns the hold. He eventually fires up. After a short sequence, we get another ref bump when Flair pulls him in front of a Stinger Splash. Sting takes out Arn and Asya, then locks Flair in a Scorpion Deathlock. Flair gives up, but the ref is out, so Bischoff jumps in the ring and calls the submission for Sting even though he has no power in kayfabe, right? What the fuck is happening? Sid runs back down and attacks Sting and Bischoff, then turns mega-babyface by powerbombing Bisch. He was very gentle about it. Hulk runs Sid off. The crowd has been hot all night, by the way, but there’s a whole row of guys on the hard cam wearing Hooters and Miller Lite shirts, and I’m gonna be a fuckin’ snob and say that explains a lot about this crowd. Whatever, I’m a little bit classist, I admit it. But seriously, if WCW’s popularity was indicated in any way by the energy of this crowd, they’d have lived a lot longer. One thing Bischoff (and I guess Zane Bresloff) doesn’t get enough credit for is becoming very popular in the Midwest during the Nitro Era and building their business in a number of hot Midwestern mid-sized cities and towns. Rick Steiner’s music welcomes me to hell the DAWG POUND, WOOF WOOF. Steiner defends his TV title against Horace Hogan. What was on RAW at this time? Chyna/Road Dogg in a Dog Pound match, which is a good mirror to the Dog-Faced Gremlin having an OBLIGATORY RINGSIDE BRAWL *more sax noises*. Steiner bores me half to death even though Horace is trying hard. Hulk can’t even come out and help his goofy, but earnest nephew; he takes matters into his own hands and yams Rick with a chair a few times. In a very awkward spot, Rick gets back in the ring, and the ref gets back in the ring, but Horace just stands there with his back to the ramp, obviously waiting for a run in. Kevin Nash runs down after what feels like minutes and jumps him, then dumps him back in the ring for a Rick Steiner top-rope bulldog that gets three. Nash and Steiner give each other daps, so I guess Nash is randomly a heel now? Hulk comes down and grabs a mic, then wonders out loud why Nash is acting like this. Nash responds by saying that he doesn’t like Hulk anymore, so there! Psicosis deserves better, but he’s not going to get it. He’s going to job to Eddy Guerrero. We could be in month three or whatever of the Psicosis Cruiserweight Championship run, but instead, the belt is still on Rey and has thus almost disappeared from television as a prize since Rey has been tied up in the NLS/WTR feud. I don’t want to hear Bischoff say shit about how important the cruiserweight division was to him because he just let Nash tuck that belt on Rey and then proceed to ignore it. Psicosis does that great signature corner bump of his while Scott Hudson makes clear that Arliss from Arli$$, and not Robert Wuhl, star of Arli$$, will be here soon. Eddy dominates early and gets two on a tope con hilo. Psicosis and Eddy hit multiple switches and counters until Psicosis lands on his feel out of a tilt-a-whirl attempt and lands a lariat. These two are good at pro wrestling. Eddy does his signature bump where his legs bounce off the ropes on a monkey flip. Psicosis lands a tilt-a-whirl slam for backbreaker. They wander outside because of course they do. It’s a necessity in 1999. Psicosis slows things down and slams Eddy in the center of the ring, then goes up and lands a diving wheel kick for two. Psicosis tries a top-rope Frankensteiner, but celebrates and doesn’t cover at all; instead, he goes for a Tornado DDT and gets countered into a spinning neckbreaker. Eddy rapidly gets to his feet, goes up, and launches a Frog Splash for three. Solid TV match, as if you couldn’t guess. Parka and Villano V jump Eddy after the match, but Rey Misterio Jr. runs down for the save. You know that after last week when he harassed the luchadores because he’s mad that they didn’t stay in the lWo that he coerced them into joining in the first place, Eddy is the heel, right Nash? Well, maybe Rey hates masked luchadores too because he and Eddy shake hands and make peace. Stevie Ray tries to rally the B-Teamers in the locker room. Stevie asks the rest of them to watch his back as he confronts the Jersey Triad. Crush wants to know if Stevie’s casting them aside to re-form Harlem Heat, but Stevie blows him off. I’m surprised that the B-Teamers still exist at this point in 1999. The Jersey Triad comes to the ring. The Triad does some bad pre-match mic work. They do some awful playing of the dozens. Stevie Ray comes down, and the rest of the Triad sort of steps out of the ring and nudges Kanyon into being the guy to face Stevie. This match is short and is really an excuse for angle development more than anything. Stevie uses his power advantage to assert his dominance. He lands a press slam, a big boot, and a clothesline. Kanyon dodges a second clothesline attempt, but struggles to keep the advantage. Stevie dumps Kanyon to the floor as Kanyon tries punches in the corner, and that’s when they do their little obligatory ringside brawl thing. Kanyon gets some control again when it gets back in the ring, but eventually, he misses a splash and Stevie comes back. Stevie tries a Slapjack, then dodges an onrushing Bam Bam and DDP. Kanyon tries to jump Stevie, but gets shoved into Page and Bam Bam. He hits Kanyon with a Slapjack and huh, gets three before the rest of the Triad can break up the pin attempt. The Triad beats Stevie down until Booker runs down for the save. Hype video: Savage and Sid, and I guess the rest of Team Madness if it still even exists. Arliss of Arli$$ hypes a WCW-focused episode of Arli$$. Randy Savage comes to the ring with Mona and Gorgeous George, but not Madusa. Commentary is even more of a wreck than it was when Bischoff was out here, if you can believe it. Savage grabs a mic and threatens both Nash and Hulk. Savage says he's running for POTUS or something; who gives a shit. Savage is facing Billy Kidman in a battle of dudes with potentially SHOOT deadly top-rope finishers. Savage does creaky old man offense while Arliss won’t shut the fuck up about how much he loves Dennis Rodman. Kidman sends Savage sprawling to the floor with a dropkick, so Savage grabs a chair. He swings it at the announcing table, then sends a wave of complaints at Johnny Boone. Savage makes it back to the ring sans chair so that he can hit some more creaky old man offense. It’s all punches, chokes, and a Savage Elbow with him at this point. It’s a bummer. Though just as I type that last sentence, he takes a backdrop to the floor and shows a glimmer of the not-creaky and younger Savage. Kidman tries to follow up, but Savage hides behind George. That misdirection allows Mona to dropkick Kidman into Savage from behind. We get another OBLIGATORY RINGSIDE BRAWL or OBLIGABRAWL, as I might start calling them for the sake of brevity. The match makes it back to the ring, where Kidman gets two on a flash small package. I think Arliss is here to awkwardly set up a Savage/Rodman match that I’m pretty sure ends with a porta potty being tipped over with one or both guys in it. Mona whiffs on a missile dropkick and hits Savage instead, and Kidman follows up with a springboard bulldog that gets two. Kidman tries to speed up the match and leaps behind Savage on a backdrop attempt, but Savage turns around, sticks him with a boot to the gut, and lands a piledriver. Savage slams Kidman, then goes up and crushes him with a Savage Elbow for one, two, and nope, he pulls Kidman up and then calls for another Savage Elbow. The ref gets in his face and gets punched. Savage drops another elbow, then calls for a third. A boa-wearing Dennis Rodman runs down and hits Savage in the back of the head with his purse to a huge pop. What possible beef does Rodman have with Savage? I don’t know. Arliss gets in the ring and tries to wave Rodman off for some reason, but Rodman ignores him. Gene Okerlund comes into the ring and tries to mediate this argument. Rodman blows kisses to the corner camera while everyone else tries to cut a promo. Gonna be honest, this is like a fever dream. Did I drink a bottle of liquid codeine before I sat down to watch this show? I’m confused. I’m not entirely sure that I didn’t fantasize this whole segment. Savage cusses at Rodman, and then just for the fuck of it all, Madusa enters the ring and attacks Mona. This is baffling. It’s not even bad. It’s just fucking weird, man, so busy and weird. Recap: Konnan and Vampiro got beef. Konnan comes to the ring and hits the roulette. He is ready to fight Vampiro again. Vampiro gets in the ring and Konnan slaps him. Vampiro dominates from there until Konnan makes a comeback, at which point Shaggy 2 Dope and Violent J – yes, the motherfucking Insane Clown Posse – comes to the ring to attack Konnan. Before that happened, Konnan hit one of the ugliest floatover bulldogs that I’ve ever seen in my life. Oh wait, Raven is here to watch. Rey Misterio Jr. runs out for another save while Raven watches. Vampiro plants Rey with a powerbomb. Are we really putting Raven with Vampiro and the ICP? No wonder he left for less money. This is the best creative possibility we have for Raven? Really? Recap: Hulk Hogan comes back, takes the big gold, shunts Randy Savage into a midcard feud with Dennis Rodman in a single night. Bummer, the WTR is here. I think this watch of WCW has made me dislike Curt Hennig, maybe? I don’t know, I can watch him from 1988 or 1992 and still enjoy him. But like with other guys – Bret, Savage – his end-of-career run has been a challenge to watch at times, let’s just put it that way. And while I like pre-WCW Hennig, I don’t like him that much. Barry Windham and Curt Hennig face Chris Benoit and Perry Saturn. Hennig tries hard and bumps around for Benoit, so he’s having a better performance than normal. Benoit and Saturn bash Hennig’s knees against the mat and double snot rocket him. Benoit hits the cables to get some momentum and is tripped by Kendall Windham; Kendall and Bobby Duncum Jr. attack Benoit outside the ring after Barry hits Benoit with a lariat from his spot on the apron. This triggers an FIP segment as we go to commercial. That segment continues when we come back, or at least until Hennig misses a charging elbow in the corner. Saturn receives the hot tag and holds off all four WTR members; Benoit sends Barry outside while Saturn tangles with Hennig. Hennig manages to escape a DVD attempt with an eye rake, but Saturn locks him in the Rings of Saturn, and the WTR jump in the ring to cause a DQ. It’s four on two, and Dean Malenko runs down and only makes it four on three, so the babyfaces are still down bad until Shane Douglas – speak of the devil - runs in and evens the odds. A light E-C-W chant starts after the WTR are cleared from the ring. Douglas gets a mic and cuts a boilerplate WE’RE CHANGING THE GAME AND WE’RE TAKING YOUR SPOTS, OLD FOLKS. Shane Douglas alludes to people like the HARLEY RACES and the RIC FLAIRS being a systemic problem that needs solving. Specifically Ric Flair is the guy he alludes to, actually. We are in an era of Nitro that is almost a complete blank for me. OK, I knew Shane Douglas was in WCW, but I remember zero about his run. I knew the ICP were in WCW, but other than the Awesome Bomb incident, I remember zero about their run. Add that to having no idea about where the titles are going, and this is some very new stuff to me. Hulk Hogan defends the title against Sid Vicious in the main event. This thing is going to get eleven-ish minutes. Huh. Honestly, I’d prefer one of the four-minute specials that Nitro usually churns out for its main events considering the matchup. Sid stalls for a couple of minutes anyway, and it’s hilarious because some fan tells him he sucks, and he yells back YOUR MOTHER SUCKS, FOUR-EYES! Sid fuckin’ RULES. This guy is the best. Crown him because the Hulkster sucks in every way. Sid thinks about a test of strength, but bails again and yells at Heenan over on commentary. It’s a good thing that Sid’s stalling is actually entertaining because that’s the only thing keeping me engaged. Finally, a match happens, and Hogan has reached the point where he’s unwatchable in the ring unless Vincent Kennedy and the WWF's road agents are producing his shit. That 2002/2003 run he had was a true miracle as far as I’m concerned. Sid attacks Hogan’s freshly-healed MCL while on offense. He locks on a Cobra Clutch, but Hulk fights out of it. Sid lands a big boot and goes for a legdrop, but Hogan dodges and Hulks up. He hits a big boot, but Sid wobbles without falling, so Hogan slams him and looks for the legdrop. He’s too busy calling for it to actually even attempt it, though, and Kevin Nash runs down and jumps him, drawing a DQ. Sting runs down for the save and drills both Nash and Sid with Stinger Splashes. Rick Steiner runs down to make the odds less even, and they embark upon a three-on-two beatdown for awhile…until GOLDBERG’s music hits and he trots out and fucks these dudes up. Goldberg RULES except for when he’s throwing dangerous kicks at Bret Hart’s head. Hey, I can like them both! Nash’s abrupt heel turn and friendship with Sid, a guy he’s been beefing with for the past month, make no sense and came out of nowhere. But, you know, this show wasn’t great, but other than that and I guess Arliss being a real guy and Eddy somehow being the babyface in his feud with the masked luchadores, it was coherent. Well, and Bischoff counting the pin in Sting/Flair even though I'm pretty sure he still has no power in storyline. OK, so it wasn't very coherent, but I don’t know. I guess that it was bad and incoherent, but it managed to be way less bad and incohernt than usual when the Nitros of the past three months of airtime are also taken into account. Plus Goldberg is back, so that’s a feel-good ending. 0 out of 5 Stinger Splashes. Buff Bagwell did a blackface sketch with a yellowface Sonny Onoo impersonator and a random hot Asian lady. Also, Buff did a terrible blaccent and made bad jokes. They cut this out of the Network showing at some point, but I saw it, it exists, and I reserve the right to change the grade of this Nitro. -22 out of 5 Stinger Splashes. Fucking WCW.

Mick Foley calls them "underneath guys" in his first book, which I like a lot because it describes what they do: Fight from underneath for most of the match. That they do it poorly before losing is neither here nor there.