The Idiot King

THE GAY COMMUNITY????

After watching this year's Wrestlemania (GRONK PRESENTS PART 1), I just picked another Wrestlemania at random that I had no memory of, and ended up on Wrestlemania 13. Not a whole lot worth relaying, but: 1. I'm sad there was never a New Blackjacks - Furnas/LaFon feud. Furnas/LaFon always felt like a very confusing tag team at the time who had no gimmick, but holy shit. If they had been booked with any sort of energy or urgency or sold as anything beyond "VERY TECHNICALLY SOUND," obviously that would have been a highlight of the time. But just imagine a five match series against these gigantic punchy cowboys. Somehow this match came down to the Headbangers and Godwins and well, you know, sure, it was OK. 2. Goldust and HHH had a great match that was probably a little too long and without much audience enthusiasm, through no fault of the match itself. Vince et. al. were a little too focused on Chyna, but the whole dynamic and match were really solid. I'd put it in HHH's best matches of all time off the top of my head. Southern as hell, short of blood. 3. In the same vein, the Owen/Bulldog v. Vader/Mankind match was pretty good. Both this and the HHH/Goldust match reminded me of the better parts of early 90s WCW. A face Owen (I don't know what this looks like, or how this happens organically) vs. a heel Vader would be amazing. 4. The Chicago Street Fight -- Great. One moment where somebody from The Nation handed a 2x4 to Hawk when no one was looking, but it was an amazing brawl. All over the place. Bloody and messy and weird. 5. Undertaker-Sid wanted to be a Mike Awesome match but couldn't be. Sid looks like and feels like an incredible heel champion. It makes me appreciate some of the more recent Lesnar matches. HBK on commentary was uh, revealing. The whole time he was essentially saying "THESE GUYS ARE GREAT BUT ACTUALLY I'M CHAMPION SO FUCK THEM." 6. Heel Bret was amazing. He was wrong to not see that, and resent it initially. 7. Champion Taker is really fun and while he exists as someone who "Doesn't Need The Belt," when he's champion, there is a certain sense of all the melodrama parts of wrestling and all the 'sports' parts of wrestling coming into alignment that I appreciate.

The opening Women's Tag was great and didn't feel like it was in an empty gym except for the moments that people would clap to keep the faces alive as though anyone else could join in. KO and Rollins was so good. In terms of Actual Matches, that was really fun and intense and used the emptiness of the space well. All of the shit-talking and the intense thuds and smacks of the chair and the bell and the huge jump were great. I haven't been following the storylines for a while, but it was a really fun on its own. I know everyone here hates Rollins, but at least he's being a smarmy heel and jumping and selling all over the place now. This was easily the match of the night. Zayn/Bryan was 100% just watching two people trying to make each other break laughing during a match and that was great. I love this little weird section of the company. Was disappointed in Becky/Shayna and the Ladder match, but more because of the circumstances than anything else. ~~THE BONEYARD~~ was fun. It was stupid and not as good as The Final Deletion, but it was the right kind of stupid and -- AND -- if you can't have an audience for the next, I don't know, let's say six months, and you won't add music or piped-in cheering to make your television show seem a little less empty and strange, maybe this is the way to do it. Maybe you just do full low-budget action movie stuff. Maybe instead of WWE being "a soap opera but with fighting," it just becomes a soap opera, period. Watching druids emerge from a vague structure that I assume exists on The Undertaker's massive Florida compound to attack him while cello music plays is way, way less stupid than having to watch people SHOUT in a RING to NOBODY!

Lex Luger paved the way in terrifyingly sincere big dumb guy energy.

In watching the KOTR Tournament this year, I realized that I have this exact same scepter from a birthday party a few years ago. It costs $5 from Party City, and I don't blame the prop department one bit: It works. Also, Baron Corbin's Wrestling Undershirt looks like an apron.

No order, US-based only, because I don’t wanna speak out of my depth and I’m a real sucker for a good promo: Randy Savage Chris Jericho Rey Mysterio Jr Vader Owen Hart Daniel Bryan Ric Flair Eddie Guerrero Dusty Rhodes Curt Hennig Honorable mentions to Rude and HBK. Hot Take Honorable Mention: Brock Lesnar.

Boy, that Randy Orton/Mick Foley Backlash match is great. Everything Randy Orton is good at is on display there. Just game and giving and selling and obnoxious and instead of being the Deadly Viper Who Hears Voices, he's just a natural, smug shithead willing to die all over the place who wins in the end, not because he cheated but because he could hang in there even if he has the Top 8 Overall Worst Tattoos In Wrestling.

I hadn't really dipped my toe too much into this area of NWA stuff until lately so I don't know if this is a dumb question, but Jimmy Valiant's valet, Big Mama -- is she black? Also, kind-of-but-not-really related -- The Boogie Woogie Man as a gimmick generally -- it seems like just a riff on what Dusty was already doing but slightly more unhinged? Is that way off base?

The main was fun but woof, the rest of it. I liked Ambrose/Rollins - Cesaro/Sheamus a lot, it played to everyone's strengths. Even apart from not loving Jinder going over on principle, that match was short, boring and pointless. You'd be lucky to find a crowd hotter for a Nakamura championship win than tonight, and the whole thing just felt like a waste of goodwill that no one walked out better for.

I know there's a lot else going on right now, but how good was that Awesome Kong WTF episode with Marc Maron? The Chavo stuff was ehhh, but she's such a great interview and shed some great light onto both her complicated feelings about being called "Kong" and her whole foray into WWE. I really couldn't be happier for someone to find some success outside of the ring.

Absolutely. I think it's a fun loophole to exploit in the MITB rules. It's obnoxious, but it hasn't been done before (as far as I can remember). Though, I think there's an argument to be made about it devaluing the larger match and its place in history.

I liked it. Women's MITB was okay. Too short. Ending was...uh...transitional. The Usos and The New Day put on a hell of a match. I haven't been watching regularly in forever but are they always this good when paired up together? Ending stretch was a little wonky, but whatever, that was the sleeper best match on the card. I like the count out finish. Old fashioned, shitty, frustrating, keeps it alive (maybe unnecessarily?), but the stuff in ring was great. Lana isn't bad? Was that suplex into the ropes intentional? It was a little slow. I dunno, just kinda there. I like Naomi's submission. I wish Rusev had come out. Likewise for Jinder/Orton. Felt very "To Be Continued" in a way that wasn't interesting. Seemed like a rehash of their last match. I liked the MITB a whole lot. I'm probably more of a sucker for ladder matches (generally) and big dumb multi-man matches than some, but boy was Nakamura over! I loved the angle, thought it worked exactly as it should have, building up Nakamura and Styles. Owens is an MVP every time I see him, that apron suplex bump was silly and nasty. Dolph, for however boring he is as a character, still has a great dropkick. I wish Sami Zayn had more direction, but I liked what they were trying to do with him within the context of the match. Corbin winning was fine despite his weird hairline and it makes sense in the long term to have a "Uhhh...here's a heel you can face!" kind of feud with someone at the ready. The idea of a Corbin championship reign seems confusing from a bunch of different angles, but I guess that's the plan at some point in the next two years.

I know it'll never happen, but while we're speculating about people to possibly be "the face of the WWE," what about Sami Zayn? He could at least buy them some time until they get the Roman situation figured out or find a new Sure Thing to run into the ground. In fact, now that I think about it, a series of title matches pitting underdog face Zayn vs. monster heel Reigns would probably do a lot for both of them.

Nakamura has the better vest.

I don't think anyone is wrong about Jericho, but I do wish he was at least getting the same amount of credit and love the Hardys are benefiting from. I realize it's a low bar, but is there a better feud heading into Mania? That's a lot of heavy lifting for mostly character work.