Greggulator

Who is the most successful Tough Enough alum? Arugments: 1) JOSH MATTHEWS: A long-standing b-show commentator, main show interviewer. I don't remember a thing about him. And you know what? THAT'S A GOOD THING! He gets out of the way of the wrestlers and talent. He's there to tell a story and/or act as a conduit for others to tell their stories. He doesn't screw it up or make the show about himself. He'll be in the WWE for a long time in this role and there's nothing wrong with that! 2) JOHN MORRISON: Was there anyone better in-ring from Tough Enough than him? MNM was a really great tag team. His solo stuff was hit-and-miss, but he had an awesome match against Rey on Smackdown (I think he won the belt), amidst a bunch of other good stuff, and got something really watchable out of The Miz in a Pinfalls Count Anywhere match on Raw. His "Spiderman" save in the Royal Rumble was a lot of fun, too. 3) CHRIS NOWITSKI: His abbreviated WWE career led to him becoming a prominent advocate for athletic head trauma injuries. I know there has been some controversies with his actual involvement, but he's become a really public face in what's arguably the most important sports story of the past few years. The concussion issue has really trickled down to Little League sports levels and is changing equipment, safety measures, and I'd also imagine insurance premiums.

I hate anything with zombies. The absolute worst are "zombie bar crawls." I've seen a few of those and they're just awful. The other thing that I hate: Quidditch leagues. These exist.

They also changed how the doors are structured. It's no longer a death trap.

Check out Living Dangerously 1999, Hardcore Heaven 1999 and Anarchy Rulz 1999, the latter was my 1999 PPV of the Year. I watched Heatwave 99 that had the infamous Bubba rant where he asked a woman in the audience if she taught her 13 year old daughter how to suck dick. My two takeaways from that were: 1. The fact that there was a woman in the ECW audience to begin with and that she was giving it right back to Bubba by cussing and spitting on him (of course he spit right back on her) so it seems like she knew what ECW was all about 2. Who in the blue hell would think it was a good idea to take their pre-teen/barely teenaged daughter to an ECW show?! In agreement. Buh Buh's filth promos are some of my favorite things ever. The dude was going out of his way to start a riot every time he grabbed the microphone. And he nearly did. That's rasslin' right there. Four things about the live ECW experience: 1) There were more than just a few times when some trashy skank would lift up her top at the arena, usually at the behest of her abusive bodybuilding life partner. There was one show at the Arena where this behavior literally stopped the show to the point where Heyman had to come out and run those people down and shame them into leaving. It was truly epic. 2) Actually getting into the Arena itself was dangerous. You'd wait in line with the scum of the earth. And once the doors were open, it was every man for himself in an attempt to get it. You were stuck in this pen with just the worst people pushing to get through. Even if you had tickets ahead of time (and I always did), there wasn't a guarantee you'd actually get a seat. There were four doors to get in. The crew that ran that operation kept three closed and one open to take/sell tickets. Did you see the Hillsborough 30 for 30? I almost got caught up in one in that shoot. These lunatics who weighed over 400 pounds each just shoved people out of the way and a wave of people started. I was off my feet against a wall at some point with people jammed into me at all sorts of angles. It was also the summer and roughly 150 degrees in that awful entrance. My friend Mike (who is a pretty big guy) was also off his feet with his face buried in someone's rat-tail mullet. Once we finally got through, he had to spit out mullet hair. 3) One time in the cattle chute, a woman was leaving. She was nearly unconscious drunk, wearing a bikini top. She was being helped out by some pre-teen boy. This kid at one point said, "Come on, Mom." I averted my eyes from what was going on after that comment so I wouldn't have to testify in a grand jury. I also wonder what that kid's doing now. 4) I took a girl on a date to the ECW Arena. That was not the best idea, particularly when the biker next to her put his hand on her thigh and I just nodded my head and looked the other way. (Our second date was to a Squirrel Nut ZIppers show. That was a little bit of a different crowd. She ended up dissing me for Tony Phatsacks, this chubby weed dealer frat kid who wore a hat made of hemp that said "You cannot smoke thiz hat." I was kind of heartbroken and then I saw them rollerblading together in the quad.)

Imagine at SummerSlam the possibilities: Bray vs. Bryan, World Championship Cesaro vs. Lesnar, Battle of Paul Heyman Guys Rowan/Harper vs. Ambrose/Rollins, World Tag Team Titles Reigns vs. HHH Cody vs. Dustin Paige vs. AJ Orton vs. Batista vs. Cena BAM I JUST BOOKED YOUR SUMMER!

BRAY WYATT VS. SHEAMUS, MAIN EVENT -- This match is being so incredibly slept on. This is great. Sheamus is a big dude who knows what he's doing. Bray Wyatt's a big dude who knows what he's doing. Anytime you get two big dudes who know what they're doing who decide to beat the hell out of each other rules. Then you add in Bray's great theatrics and crazy-man selling and Harper and Rowan being brainwashed at ringside and Sheamus really putting over how it's seemingly impossible to beat this man, and you get one of the best matches of the year.

RIC FLAIR VS. SHAWN MICHAELS, WRESTLEMANIA 24 I've never seen this until now. I have no idea how or why. But this match is so good. So, so, so, so, so good. How does this never come up in the discussion of best WrestleMania matches of all-time? This match is essentially perfect. I love how Shawn goes into this still as Mr. WrestleMania -- it's not just him potentially retiring his idol, but it's also about him trying to do something to steal the show. And his ego nearly burns him with that absolutely insane moonsault to the table. I mean, he completely was willing to have his lungs punctured for that move. The moonsault to the floor is also really crazy, as Flair barely catches him. The role reversal ode they do is also so classic. I love that Michaels gets caught by Flair, and Flair hits a crossbody from the top. If you watch enough Flair matches, you know that on occasion he actually did successfully come off the top. But since those attempts are so few and far between, and also since was only a guy in the WWE for a pretty limited amount of time, the audience pops like it's the first time he ever hit that move. Brilliant. But the story of this match is just epic. Flair keeps on finding ways to escape and nearly steal a win. My favorite is his nut shot that gets a really great near fall. The inevitable ending is really great and heartbreaking. Michaels does such a great job at realizing what he has to do to win and the ramifications that will come from it. But he does it anyways. Old Yeller, indeed.

My friends Kate and Bret made this. It's the tale of a Craig Evanhalen, a former boyband member who decides to start a "DIY" punk outfit based around his enigmatic poetry and anger at the world. It's so, so, so funny!

The demographic Sable drew in was largely "human garbage.".

Spurs/Dallas is so great. It's a clinic in well-coached basketball teams. There are plays, counters, counters-to-counters, false actions and somehow allowing individual play all at once. I would love to see Pop or Carlisle coach OKC or Golden State. Golden State has a ridiculously talented team led by one of the most uniquely talented players in NBA history in Curry. He does things that just don't seem possible regularly. And OKC has the best scorer of his generation and an absurdly great Russel Westbrook. Yet both teams are borderline impossible to watch at times.

The Orwells are actually pretty good. I found out about them when listening to Diarrhea Planet stuff on YouTube. Just a head's up in case your kids end up in that same YouTube wormhole.

They're busy suing Click and Clack from Car Talk.

This is far from an investigation. An unnamed law firm is conducting an "investigation" into alleged misappropriations the WWE made in its public statements. There are absolutely no details. The law firm isn't even known. This type of stuff is pretty commonplace. Google "Shareholder Foundation" and look. Most times, someone sees the stock price of a company has taken a hit, tries to get some other investors on board, and claims the company did something wrong in an attempt to get some sort of settlement, etc. They haven't filed a complaint or anything remotely close. If this was the Securities and Exchange Commission leading the investigation, then it's a gigantic story. This is almost certainly a fishing expedition.

No talk on Bray/Sheamus from last night? I was really tired so my expert, well-honed analytical skills weren't on par but that match ruled at first glance.

It helps that they're faceless. The children's choir might have benefited from having the masks right from the start too. Seeing their faces made it a little too clear they were "bunch of kids herded onstage by their choir teacher." Disclaimer: I liked the choir. But I do wish it was a little different. I have a feeling they went with masks in rehearsal and realized it was murder on their mics. That would explain the over head shot where you see the kids caring the masks And also, quite possibly, the abbreviated Sheamus/Titus match, since their Main Event match was supposedly pretty good. (I didn't see it.)

R.E.M covering Lou Gramm's "Midnight Blue" of all songs. THIS IS SO GREAT!

Shane Douglas was a damn great promo, as long as don't mind the shooty inside stuff. Yeah, but Douglas's promos were 75% shooty inside stuff. I've been watching a lot of 96 ECW lately, and Douglas will not shut the fuck up about the damn Kliq. I'm fine with shooty inside stuff as long as it's done well. Shane did that so well.

HA! The thing is that I hate horror movies for the most part, beyond the obvious classics. I also haven't seen True Detective so I don't know any potential Bray references there. However, I studied religious cults a lot in college. They were one of my favorite topics -- how does a charismatic leader like Jim Jones or the Hale Bopp guy or David Koresh get people to bring themselves to the point of dedication where they're willing to kill themselves? I'm also very much into Christianity. I recently switched from being Catholic to Episcopalian (and please oh please let's not get into a religious discussion here) and had to study a lot of material in order to be officially received in my new church. I also like watching and hearing evangelicals, even though I'm far from that personally. This new interest timed out well with the Wyatt Family's debut and reign of terror.

I also love that Rollins is the one who started the rally against Evolution. Usually Reigns is in that spot but Rollins saving the day works even better. He's just an absolutely fantastic professional wrestler.

One thing I love about THE CHOIR is the escalation of the arc. It first starts with a lone voice singing The Whole World. Then more voices join in with "little biddy babies" in his hand. Then the lights reveal the kid's chorus with "you and me brother/you and me sister" in his hands. Then it's "everybody here" in his hands. That's how Bray's plot is working -- it's one person first and it spreads. And like Cena said, he Bray wins then it's Bray versus the entire world, and the world's not going to win. Bray then emerges from the darkness carrying his lantern. IMO, the lantern has always had two meanings. In John 8:12, Jesus says ""I am the Light of the world; he who follows Me will not walk in the darkness, but will have the Light of life." Bray has never outright said he believes himself to be Jesus (for obvious reasons), but he's used some religious imagery -- especially in his first entrance promos, and how he poses like he's on the cross -- before. Harper and Rowan follow Bray and the light while everyone else is clad in darkness. Of course, Bray's detractors can point out that moths -- truly mindless insects -- are also drawn to lights, too. The juxtaposition of Bray's work started even in his beginning promo. What does he say here? Does he say "This is the everyday working class, people like me. They whisper these little lies and secrets in their ears. BUT I HAVE A SECRET OF MY OWN!" Or is it "This is the everyday working class. People like me, they whisper these little lies and secrets in their ears BUT I HAVE A SECRET OF MY OWN!" Is he here to liberate the working class and everyday people -- you can definitely make interpretations that Jesus was a socialist radical, and Bray's Twitter account and other references he makes reference others cast as radicals in history. Or is he a con man, here to lure us into his web and use us for his own personal quest for power? Back to THE CHOIR. Bray starts by singing The Whole World by himself. Then he commands the children to sing "Little Biddy Babies" as they follow him at his behest. The lights go from dark, with only Bray and Harper/Rowan visible into a slow reveal of the choir literally following him. Then it becomes "The Whole Cenation" in his hands -- Bray using these kids as a way to personally taunt his enemy. It ends with "The Big Bad Monster" in his hands. That's how Bray's cast Cena, who he's trying to defeat. He's cast Cena as the true monster in the feud, the walking corporate mission statement with his empty tenants of Hustle, Loyalty and Respect. Cena's a false idol -- The Golden Calf, as Bray dubbed him earlier in their feud. Bray also said in his second entrance video: "Parents, I want you to stop lying to your children and telling them monsters aren't real. I swear, man. Monsters ARE real." It's up to you to decide: Is Bray here to save the children from monsters like Cena, or is he the monster under the bed? THE CHOIR then ends once again with Bray sitting in his chair, holding the light, the only thing visible. He blows out the candle and it reveals the children in sheep's masks. Rowan's sheep's mask represents a lot. Is he mocking the sheep that make up the unenlightened who don't follow Bray? Or is Bray using him as a sheep? (In NXT, Bray briefly wore butcher's gear to the ring. Is he leading the lamb's to the slaughter?) Are the kids wearing sheep's masks mocking the Cenation who blindly follow Cena? Or are they now Bray's sheep? As Bray said: "Fear not the army of wolves led by the sheep. Fear the army of sheep led by the wolves." This is why I love Bray and have from the start. This isn't just a really talented guy doing great lunatic heel work. It IS that. But there's also an insane amount of artistry and poignancy and juxtaposition in everything he says. Bray's stuff is just otherworldly. His promo work is spellbinding. The WWE's production work has always been it's best aspect and they've merged his words with imagery. His theme song is also more than a terrific power-pop song. The first line "Catching flies in his mouth" references someone who captures, a predator. But then the title of the song is "Broken Out In Love." All of those early promos conclude with that phrase before Bray does his evil laugh. Bray also frequently blows out the candle once the chorus ends (although the timing isn't always there). As Bray said recently, love is what inspires him. He says he loves us and wants to provide us a new path by following his light. Again, that's open to interpretation. (And also, Mark Crozier was also in The Jesus & Mary Chain, an amazing coincidence.) He and whoever else have come up with all of these insanely great ideas and it's like nothing we've ever seen before.

If they were committed to this angle they could find a MakeAWish kid whose wish was to turn on Cena. This angle is so bizarrely abstract. On one hand, they are saying that if Bray literally escapes a cage, then his "idea" will figuratively escape into the world and destroy us all. And then they literally show us a choir of children who figuratively represent Cena's fanbase turning on him, but who literally are just a group of local theater kids or whatever who want to get on t.v., which makes them figuratively exactly symbols of what Wyatt claims to despise anyway. Meanwhile John Cena is claiming to defend the people against someone who would take away their free will by denying that what they say they want is what they really want and imposing order on them by fiat of his own personal faith in his own true goodness, which is exactly what he claims Bray Wyatt is doing. The choir was that from a local high school. Man, I'd do anything to go to that next board meeting since there's some outraged parent who just watched Nancy Grace. "You let the kids sing at Raw at the behest of a backwoods religious cult leader who made them wear sheep's masks!" The abstract nature of this is great. I look at it like this: If Bray beats Cena at a cage match, then who can stop him? He's already swayed the masses to the point where a high school choir is willing to join The Family and that was after a loss at WrestleMania. If Bray beats Cena at Extreme Rules, we could very well see Common Core initiatives include "The Whole World" as mandatory requirements for grade advancement.

I really would like the Bray/Cena match to end with an ATF siege of some sort.

RVD's promo against Zeb was so terrible. That dude is so worthless now.

That opening segment was absolutely epic. Anything Bray touches is gold right now. He (and anyone in creative helping him) are coming up with this next-level stuff and it's epic. I became a huge mark for his stuff in FCW/NXT when he had all of the not-so-subtle Biblical references that became more and more subtle. They weren't just great lunatic heel promos -- they had poetry and artistry behind them. He's somehow elevated that stuff now into becoming one of the most compelling characters on television, and not just in wrestling. Attacking Cena by taking over the C-Nation is a great twist -- and showing he's doing it via a children's choir all wearing sheep's masks is just so beyond anything I could ever imagine doing. I was totally fine with Cena's promo afterwards. Like Bray said a few weeks back -- that's who he is. He deflects his pain by making jokes and doing power points. He doesn't want to let Bray get to him. And by trying to prove that point, he has. Usos vs. Rybaxl was really good. Easily the best Rybaxl match. The final segment was a blast, too.

And Tazz made this list? The dude was so bad. His ECW meathead shtick wore thin so, so, so quickly. He was a decent enough announcer, though. Biggest exclusion, and in a walk, is JJ Dillon. JJ's my favorite old-school dude. He could do the buffoon heel so well and naturally transferred that to being the corporate asshole Horsemen manager. JJ's the best. I love Heenan and Cornette but JJ trumps those guys easily. Also, Skandar Akbar needs some rub, too. The dastardly general was the most hated dude in Texas for almost a decade.