DEAN

ATHENA is AWESOME.

CMLL! STREAMING!

It's Dark Elevation! It's Tony Nese and Ari Daivari! I don't think I've seen the dudes they are wrestling. Tony Nese is a HEAT MACHINE! Nese and Daivari do a lot more double team things than they usually do. NYLA! Marina Shafir! Briar and Sage Hale are sisters, I'm guesing. Shafir is fun with all the tricked out matwork. Okay, TK needs to sign the Hale sisters because they took a TRUE ass beating like CHAMPS. WILLOW NIGHTINGALE! Maggie Lee looks familiar. Lee is tall! POUNCE! CANNONBALL! DOCTOR BOMB! Zack Clayton is tagging with Anaya! BIG BILL! LEE MORIARTY! Moriarty leans into Clayton's offense. Anaya takes a Moriarty Float Over DDT like a PRO! Big Bill tags in and he is OVER in Kansas City! Big Bill/Moriarty hit an awkward finisher. BIG BILL IS ALL ABOUT THE DANCING THIS NIGHT! ATHENA! ATHENA! ATHENA! TOOTIE LYNN! Tootie starts off hot! ATHENA knocks her out! ATHENA IS SOOOOOOO AWESOME POSTMATCH! EMI! IN THE RING! FLATLINER! that ATHENA takes like a TOTAL CHAMP! MILLION BILLION STARS! Spanish Announce Project! MATT HARDY isn't gonna let his friend stay sad! They can't ever break up these dudes. Isiah Kassidy and Angelico are MAGIC in the ring together. Comfort Ethan Page, he is distraught. SERP and Luther make with the hilarity! THE CROWD CHANTS "ETHAN! ETHAN! ETHAN!" Kassidy screams like a little girl! SWANTON FOR THE WIN! So fucking GREAT! ETHAN IS DANCING! SO FUCKING GREAT! Diamante and Riho have a REMATCH! Riho is wearing her EVIL black get-up! Diamante looks great in this. Riho is leaning into Diamante's offense- as Riho is great at taking an ass beating. Flashpin rollup! POSTMATCH! Riho is a total bitch waving to Diamante from the apron! Between that and the Stokely Hathaway stuff on Twitter, a HEEL TURN IS IMMINENT! RIHO! RIHO! RIHO! EVIL!

MAAAAAN, this is an ass beating.

HOLY FUCK! ROH RULES THE FUCKING WORLD.

Schneider's love affair with Kenny Omega continues. Kenny Omega Battles El Hijo del Vikingo in ‘Dynamite’ Dream Match - The Ringer

Hijo de Canis Lupus vs Hijo del Pirata Morgan- IWRG Lluvia vs Stephanie Vaquer- IWRG Felino Jr/ Guerrero Maya Jr/ Stigma vs Capitan Suicida/ Dark Panther/ El Hijo del Villano III- IWRG Angel de Oro/ Dragon Rojo Jr/ Rocky Romero vs Oraculo/ Templario/ Volador Jr- CMLL Ethan Page/ Isaiah Kassidy/ Matt Hardy vs Serpentico/ Luther/ Angelico- AEW Elevation Riho vs Diamante- AEW Elevation Atlantis Jr vs Mistico- CMLL

IWRG! STREAMING!

Midnight Heat versus TMDK- Bad Dude Tito and Shane Haste- is really good. Midnight Heat are a fun 80's tag team. Tito is on a roll!

It appears to be an ass beating.

Jake Hagar vs Brody King- RAMPAGE Powerhouse Hobbs vs Penta El Zero Miedo- RAMPAGE Shane Haste/ Bad Dude Tito vs Eddie Pearl/ Ricky Gibson- CWFH

SATURDAY RAMPAGE! HOBBS! PENTA! FOR THE BELT! QT MARSHALL! HARLEY CAMERON! Hobbs bumps for PENTA! PENTA bumps for Hobbs! QT goes the Octagon thing of tying his mask to the ropes! In picture in picture, Hobbs punches PENTA in the face. PENTA makes a comeback! Giant Side Slam by Hobbs! PENTA hits a BEAUTIFUL Tope Con Hilo! Two Double Stomps! FOR TWO! Aaron Solo is there to be PILEDRIVEN! Hobbs hits PENTA with the belt! That was good. Kenny and Jeff Cobb! To set up Kenny versus Will Ospreay at Forbidden Door? ROCK HARD! ROCCCCCKKK HHAARRRDDDD! They are wrestling April 5th! Fine. BRODIE KING! Secret Wrestling Machine, JAKE HAGAR! HOSS FIGHT! SLOBBERKNOCKER! This is great! In picture in picture, Hagar beats on Brodie! Brodie hits a MAGNIFICENT Bossman Slam! CANNONBALL TO NOWHERE! VADER BOMB to Brodie's feet! ANNA J! Attacks Julia Hart! Brodie is rolled up! For TWO! Brodie hits a Fat Boy Michinoku Driver for the win! That was good. Could have used ten more minutes. Leila Grey! Is about to get slaughtered by TAYA VALKYRIE! Smart Mark Sterling tries to SERVE Taya! ROAD TO VALHALLA! Sterling tries to serve Taya again! ROAD TO VALHALLA II! Taya can carry anyone and Jade is getting better so it might be a good match. AWESOME! BLACKPOOL COMBAT CLUB vs DALTON AND THE BOYS! The Acclaimed have arrived! Can Mike Bennett drag a SUPERMATCH out of the Acclaimed? DADDY MAGIC loves the Rap music! Scissor Me Timbers on Bennett! Mike Bennett is fucking awesome in picture in picture, laying it in with Max Caster. DECAPITATION by the Kingdom! The Kingdom are great old school heels and are great beating the HEAT~! on Caster! FUCKING BRAINBUSTER by Bennett! Mike Bennett is fucking GREAT. Caster leans into the Kingdoms kick to the face. Maria is chased off by Billy Gunn and then Top Flight! Gunn clotheslines Bennett! Taven gets in a perfunctory nearfall before Bowens hits the Arrival and then Caster hits the Macho Man Elbow Drop for the win! That was pretty good. Mike Bennett fucking rules. AEW RULES THE WORLD BUT NOT QUITE AS MUCH AS ROH RULES THE ENTIRE MOTHERFUCKING WORLD!

Miyu Yamashita is differently Canadianly lardilized.

Mike Bennett is awesome.

Maki Ito discovers Canadian lardilization.

It's the end of the taping cycle so all the good stuff has already been used but it does have Kenzie Paige's little sister's debut. She's tiny.

AWESOME! MLW is on the board! That match was great. Well. Jacob Fatu is great.

Yeah, I watched Ishii/Finlay and the Bishamon match came on and I was like, "Oh, I guess I'll watch this too." And, MAN, does that match suck you in. It was weird. I loved Goto and YOSHI-HASHI just MANNING UP.

I don;t know. I think I should start demanding a $2.50 rebate.

No RAMPAGE! It'll be a double RAMPAGE next week! WWE match was either JD McDonagh/Dragunov or Butch/GUNTHER. The Lucha Libre match of the week was prolly the Fishman match in IWRG. The Japanese match of the week was prolly Bushimon vs Okada/ Tanahashi. All the GLEAT matches were good... OH JUST VOTE FOR OMEGA/VIKINGO. CUT LIST: Trey Miguel vs Kevin Knight- IMPACT!; Oskar Leube/ Ryohei Oiwa vs Kosei Fujita/ Zack Sabre Jr- New Japan World; Tomoaki Honma/ YOSHI-HASHI vs Aaron Henare/ Kyle Fletcher- New Japan World; Piper Niven/ Chelsea Green vs Asuka/ Bianca Belair- RAW; Kiera Hogan vs Leila Grey- AEW Dark; Eddie Edwards vs Bhupinder Gujjar- IMPACT!; Ari Daivari/ Tony Nese vs John Silver/ Alex Reynolds- AEW Elevation; Tomohiro Ishii/ Toru Yano/ Ryohei Oiwa vs Chase Owens/ El Phantasmo/ KENTA- New Japan World; AR Fox/ Metalik/ Blake Christian vs Ari Daivari/ Slim J/ Jeeves K; Brian Cage vs Tony Deppen; Ryohei Oiwa/ Shota Umino vs Kosei Fujita/ Zack Sabre Jr- New Japan World; Skye Blue vs Tarryn From Accounting- AEW Elevation; Kevin Martenson vs B-Boy- CWFH; Guerrero Maya Jr vs Dark Panther- CMLL;

Cody Rhodes and Ludwig Kaiser wrestle! Delayed Vertical Suplex that Cody turns into a FACEBUSTER! Kaiser with the DDT. Cody punches Kaiser in the face on the outside! Giovanni Vinci CHEATS! Solo Sikoa comes out! Cody sells the knee! Cross Rhodes! There you go! Rey Mysterio and LA Knight wrestle! LA Knight has nice punches. Rey hits his offense and he is awesome. Dominik Mysterio shows up! He's dressed like a 1993 Pearl Jam fan! LA Knight kicks Rey in the face and Rey leans way into it. Nice Powerslam by Knight. LA Knight hits a thingy that I haven't seen before FOR TWO! Rey DDTs to comeback! Dominik INTERJECTS! LA Knight wins with the Schoolboy! POSTMATCH! Mrs Mysterio gets on the mic! Dom disses his mom! REY PUNCHES DOMINIK! THE MATCH IS ON! That was awesome. XI Li and Lacey Evans! Shotzi has the tank! She is tagging with Natalya! Evans is a HEAT MACHINE! Li with a nice Suplex. Shotzi hits a tope! Natalya applies the Sharpshooter! That was short. GUNTHER IS AWESOME. Hey! They made a match! Well, THIS should be good. GREAT SUPLEX by GUNTHER! Man, it must suck to be in the ring with GUNTHER. Butch gets bent in two with a Boston Crab. GREAT RELEASED GERMAN SUPLEX! MAAAN, this is an EPIC assbeating. Butch has a little comeback. GUNTHER cuts him off with a Sleeper Hold! Everybody at ringside attacks everybody at ringside! GUNTHER CRUSHES Butch with an inverted Air Raid Crash! That was fun little episode. GUNTHER! GUNTHER! GUNTHER!

Eddie Edwards vs Bhupinder Gujjar- IMPACT! Rosemary vs KiLynn King- IMPACT!

This is the best Rosemary match I've seen. Credit KiLynn King! Bhupinder Gujjar and Eddie Edwards is good.

In a BLOWOUT! Orange Cassidy and Jeff Jarrett wins!

IWRG! STREAMING! =============== West Side Heat is back! James Toner is HUGE now. Smashing Mike looks the same. Cali Gray and Jordan Saeed are your opposition! WEST SIDE HEAT! ====================== Unagi amongst the MARVELOUS! Itsuki Aoki would be her tag partner in GLEAT but here she holds her own.