Greggulator

I had no idea this thing existed and it's my new favorite movie and I haven't even watched it yet.

Yeah, that was a later reveal in the movie -- that she had a sordid past with dudes. Maybe it's because I'm an old fart who has been with the same lady for over 10 years now and I have no memories of single life. But I can't for the life of me think there would be a time where I'd get all bugged out by what my girlfriend did sexually in high school or college. But that becomes this major trauma for Ben Affleck's character and it's like... uhm... okay, who gives a crap, dude?

ADRIAN NEVILLE against CAMACHO. Neville is doing good work presenting himself as a babyface hero -- standing on the ropes, holding the belt, etc. It's a small thing but it's important. This was a fun Neville showcase. Camacho had a few nice looking things -- his slaps to the chest were properly dickish -- but this was Neville coming in as the champion showing everyone why he's champ. Neville's not much in the promo department but I'm giving him props here for trying. He's putting over how much winning the belt means to him and how it validates his career. ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE. I like his self-depracation a ton, including mocking his accent. He's starting to make himself more than just "HIGH FLYER FROM ENGLAND!" and more into an actual person/character. BO DALLAS comes out styling in a high-end Target suit, with some great douche earrings. I love his excuse -- he wasn't pinned. RENEE YOUNG is backstage with EMMA. Emma is so great. "I guess we can be friends after all." Then RIC FLAIR comes out all creepsville and talks up Charlotte, who comes out with faux-pity for Emma's loss. I love Emma walking off with her dance move, with Ric then gloating. "You got her! She cracked!" The quick-style WOO right in Renee's face was gold, too. I love the idea of Charlotte taking on her dad's tricks. RENEE is also talking with PAIGE after her match. I love that Paige, too, agrees that her and Emma are friends. That's really cool. Flair comes out, along with Charlotte, who does some really great bullying trash talk, all with Naitch in the back as a proud father. This is so cool. They have to be careful, though. I don't think they can ever have anything live with Ric and her -- not out at ringside and not in a live promo. He's one of the few true icons in wrestling and he overshadows EVERYONE. But these backstage bits like this are great. I love Regal and Renee's relationship so much. It's the best. This is a good little match, naturally. I love Sasha Banks holding a tongue depressor with Summer Rae's face on it. I love the end so much, with Charlotte feigning an ankle injury into her finisher. I also love how Charlotte's agility is evident in it, too. She's a really great athlete. I think Charlotte has a lot of potential to really become something special. It's starting to come together. I liked the Corey Graves segment a lot. He comes off like a total douche. I like the simple explanation of his motivation -- he should have been on ArRIVAL and has to hear non-stop about Sami Zayn, who LOST his match. It's a very sound heel-based argument. And Corey, being so arrogant, thinks he could beat Cesaro and only needs one chance to do so. I love how he thinks he's too big a deal to face Yoshi, but then takes out Mr. Fighting Spirit. I wish the countout was a bit more vicious than just a nasty toss into the ringsteps. But the post-match beating and usage of his submission was great. So awesome for Regal to mention that Sami fell right into Corey's trap -- Sami, being Sami, DOES have to come out and stand up for himself in a situation like that, but Corey's making him respond. Nice little head game. Ah, the Adam Rose segment. I've watched this a bunch already. There are so many awesome things to this. I've never seen Sami Callahan wrestle but he has the cokehead Eurotrash DJ look down cold. "Oh look, a Roman Gladiator!" Devin Banks saying, "I know him!" Adam Rose talking about how, if he trained, he could do some glow stick stuff. This is going to be of "Jurassic proportions!" "OOOH OOOH OHH! THAT'S MY SONG!" Devin also does such a great job setting up the character when she says "I wouldn't think of anything less at an Adam Rose party!" The character already has some sort of backstory -- he's a well-known party boy about to make his debut. That's such a great little touch. He's not coming out of the lava with this. He's been partying forever while he's getting ready for his NXT debut. The song itself is so great. It sounds like that Fratellis song they use for hockey goals. It's absolutely perfect -- it's something kids can sing along to and really gets attention. Renee is interviewing Xavier Woods last week, minutes after he got beaten up by Rusev. Xavier lays down a challenge to that Ivan Drago looking piece-of-trash. Renee then interviews Rusev, who rambles in Bulgarian. Lana translates: "He accepts." Lana, BTW, has such an awesome wrestling trash look with her pantsuit that somehow still shows cleavage. They're pasting her hair on Raw to make her look more like Bridgette Nelson in Rocky 4 or some Democratic congresswoman from a northeastern state. Either way, man, she is my favorite diva (I haaaate using that word) ever, though. The Adam Rose entrance is so great. I actually hope he has this whole party stable. If he gets some tag team behind him (a modern day Jimmy Garvin???) , they could become a really great trios. Rose is about six months away from being bigtime. Dude knows how to work and just has to get Adam Rose together. I also love that he can be a huge fun-loving babyface or a prettyboy heel without any real effort. It's a pretty perfect template of a character. The main event is a decent match. Sami wins after Graves goes for his nasty backbreaker a second time, resulting in him getting rolled up. This heel version of Graves has some potential. The thing he lacks for me are the little add-ons to his moves. I love how Sami kicks his legs in pinfalls, for instance. Or how Cesaro cranks in his chinlocks. Corey has to do some more stuff like that to get over his submission specialist. He had Sami in some sort of armlock thing and just kept him in it -- no trash talk or yelling to the ref or moving it back and forth to make it look like it's hurting. That's my favorite thing about Erik Rowan -- he's taken a bear hug and made it look brutal just by doing his shake with it. But I think they nailed down how Corey Graves CAN work. He just has to make it work, now.

If you have anything crackpot-inasne bad to throw my way please do so. I don't get enraged really. It's more the whole sociology. This Rob Schneider thing was filmed in front of an audience. That seems to love it. Who the hell are these people? Who else is watching this on Netflix right now?

Phoenix/OKC was a total blast. Only three of GSW/Phoenix/Dallas/Memphis will make the playoffs. That is so sad because all four of those teams are a lot of fun to watch in some weird way. I actually hadn't watched any Dallas until last night and forgot what a beautiful form of basketball Dirk Nowitzki plays. There's never been anyone like him. I've also been a huge Grizzlies fan for a while now. Any place that can convince rich white people to chant "Whoop That Trick" seems like a place I would love. (Plus Zach Randolph.) Whoever is the 8-seed in the West is going to be a headache.

The one with his face airbrushed on the top? If so, KICKSTARTER.

I have been trying to watch the single dumbest thing on Netflix I can find as a way to torture myself. This is why I watched the Bill Maher religious documentary. I couldn't stomach it and lasted about 11 minutes. I also recently, on suggestion from a friend, went through available Kevin Smith material on Netflix. I really liked Clerks and Chasing Amy when I was 18-22. I started with Chasing Amy. Man, that movie does not stand the test of time at all. Almost all of the dialogue is cursing and/or porn-related and really not funny. The general plot -- Man makes lesbian switch -- is also fairly revolting, but I'll let that slide since it was made in the mid-90s and we've come a long way towards sexuality since then. But stuff like "Jason Less shows a child porn!" and "Snoochie Boochies" and "I'm referencing a person from the OTHER movie I made!" really doesn't work. Even worse, I saw a panel discussion he and Jason Mewes did in Australia. This is on Netflix. Kevin Smith (in a hockey jersey, naturally) and Jason Mewes (in a Jay and Silent Bob shirt, naturally) talk about sex for a while, in between cuts of Jason Mewes and his wife going to a zoo and playing with a boomerang. It ends with audience members playing some sort of game where they simulate sex with Jason Mewes. Kevin Smith and Jason Mewes are in their 40s. Man oh man is it bad. I have moved on to something even worse: Rob Schneider's "Soy Sauce and The Holocaust" stand-up special. It starts with jokes about how bad traffic is in LA and then gets into something where Rob Schneider impersonates older African-American women. However, the incredibly awkward racial material sadly just morphs into just boring, awful stuff about being 40 and wearing sweatpants and how annoying it is to fly. Is there anything I am missing? I'd rather avoid action movies because that's too easy. Olympus Has Fallen was pretty stupid and entertaining. I just saw part of Attack On Wall Street (or something along those lines) that was pretty terrible, too.

Having a great entrance goes such a long way. NXT is really pushing that. Some guys don't/shouldn't need one (Sami, Neville) but their more gimmicky guys are getting some great stuff to walk out, too.

Police Academy 4 is my favorite IN A WALK. It's the last we have of the Mahoney Era. Also, it marks the return of Captain Harris, who was replaced with Captain Mauser in 2 and 3. The Citizens On Patrol gimmick introduced us to the lovable House. The "Yumma yumma yumma" bit in the van is one of the true iconic moments in film history. It also has some insane guest stars: Sharon Stone, Tony Hawk and David Spade. Police Academy 5: Miami Beach is great. It's one of my favorites. Don't sleep on Lassard's nephew as a Mahoney replacement. He wrote "DORK" on expert suntanner Harris' bare chest. The hydroplane chase scene at the end of 5 is fantastic and proof Eric Lassard really was the Policeman of the Decade.

I thought he was really good as Leo Kruger. He wrestled very well as a hunter, always stalking. He (or whoever came up with this idea) was right to change him to this gimmick because this is epic and going to be huge. I knew it was Kruger but it doesn't look like him at all. He also wrestles really differently. Once he gets the in-ring character down pat, he's going to be huge. I have no doubt he will. This has stardom written all over it. Also, I love that the NXT crowd bought into this right away and didn't chant Leo Kruger or what have you. That's so great.

OMG, Adam Rose is everyone's new favorite wrestler. I love this so much.

Orton's been great as a heel this year. He's played the petulant brat so well. I loved him in the pod at EC lounging back like such an entitled douche. And him running INTO the pod and closing it was awesome. Him doing things like pretending he's a DJ at a club have been so weird and enjoyable. Also, let's hope he stiffed The Miz a bit in front of his family. I can get why Orton can get boring. He was maybe my least favorite guy on the roster before his heel turn. His stuff was so boring. Sitting this vote out until I see more of KENTA, which I doubt I'll be able to do. But Orton had a good year and really turned up the heeling.

This pairing is a great carryover from the Sheamus stuff in the Raw thread. This is exactly what I'm talking about in what I like and don't like in professional wrestling. Sheamus is a very good worker in the ring. His matches are all uniformly solid and hurt-y looking. The dude has taken some really nasty bumps. In terms of that aspect of the game, he's very good. He's great, even. But he doesn't feel organic as a performer. For instance, that rope forearm clubbing thing he does is a really bad crowd pandering spot. It's the same with his mic work -- he's trying his best to come off like this salt-of-the-earth Irish brawler who just likes a pint of a dark beer and a fight. But he can't do it. He just doesn't sound or feel natural in the "interacting with the crowd" and "becoming a character in a performance" part of the game. It's forced. But Sami Zayn? That guy is the opposite of Sheamus in the interacting/character part of things. The dude comes off as the most likable guy on television without really trying. He's just himself, and it works. I mean, he legitimately acts and looks like people I'm friends with. And the guy is also an absolutely fantastic worker. His best matches beat anything Sheamus had this year, too. Sami rules.

How many words do you guys think Buff Bagwell can read?

Question: What would happen if I wore chainmail to my local LA Fitness ala Scott Steiner?

In my dream scenario, Bryan gets HHH in the YES! Lock on Raw right in front of Steph. Steph is screaming and crying for security to come out. Bryan won't break the hold, though, until she makes the match. That way, you finally have Steph get some form of comeuppance. She's sort of in an invulnerable position right now, since the WWE has (thankfully) instituted a policy where men don't hit women. When was the last time they ran that, actually? I think when heel Jericho hit Shawn's wife? That was the whole big part of a feud. I did love how Bryan handled Steph on Raw, when she was talking about how her family made Bryan and the 21 trucks. He stood there patiently, waited until she was done, and then dismissed her with a quick "whatever" before turning his attention to Trips.

Another one of the awesome HHH Fireside Chat videos is up. This is 90% about Daniel Bryan challenging him to a match. It's great and adds some more detail to HHH's motivations. He knows the fans love Daniel Bryan and that equates to t-shirt sales and money. But he doesn't think he's an immortal. If he were to beat Daniel Bryan at WrestleMania, the entire Yes Movement -- and his profit center -- dies. It's best for business for Daniel Bryan to be in one corner of the industry while the true immortals perform at WrestleMania. Then it ends with Cole asking HHH what everyone thinks -- Is HHH scared of Daniel Bryan? HHH takes a bit to answer it, does his best to look serious, and says no.

I love what they did on Raw. They heeled it up and it was great. I'll give credit when it's deserving. They heeled up on the crowd by not doing their material and it worked. That was controlling the crowd. Their normal shtick isn't controlling the crowd. It's spewing catchphrases before a match. It's so uninteresting and boring. If they do it when working as faces it at least gets the crowd on their side. I think it's dumb but people like Nickleback and Ricky Gervais. Some people have bad taste, but I can live with that. But when to do that stuff as heels it doesn't work at all. But they stooged it up and it was glorious and it gave The Usos a terrific pop, which was the point.

So derailing a match and constantly disrespecting both guys from the very start of the match is worse than fans at one point chanting "end this match" for a match that was already run once on 2-21, again on 2-24, and again on 3-3. Fuck that, man. They're both derailing the match. One is a catchy song people were singing because it was catchy, another is "get out of the ring we don't want to see you" So, they should figure out a way to control the crowd. They should do something out-of-character like a table bump or usage of a chair or fight in the crowd. What did Sheamus and Christian do to make the crowd want to see that match? Not a thing. That's on them. It's their job to control the crowd. Instead, they chose to ignore it.

I'd much rather watch Tyler Breeze and Aiden English than Sheamus and Christian. I know those wouldn't be able to put up a match as technically good as the vets but it'd be a lot more fun.

I think the problem is you have poor taste.

Here are some Christian/Sheamus points: 1) The set-up to their feud -- "You caused me to lose!" -- isn't that different from The Wyatts vs. The Shield. The Wyatts attacked Cena, leading to The Shield's DQ and then wanting revenge. Then they spent a few weeks just teasing going at each other with those great showdowns. Christian vs. Sheamus is essentially the same exact thing. 2) It's not a "new guy vs. young guy" thing. Mark Henry is still over as anything and he loses. Henry's probably had a lot more defeats/getting tossed around moments this year than Sheamus ever has. 3) It's because they are what they are. I don't want to see Christian or Sheamus because they don't make me care. It isn't the writers or what have you -- there are plenty of guys I am emotionally invested in, and the same writers/creative/boogeyman is running the show for those characters, too. They're good in-ring wrestlers. They've gotten some time to explain their characters and motivations for this feud. They're just not good at it. Christian jumped Sheamus last night during a promo. That's fine. But was Sheamus saying anything worth hearing during his post-match promo? Nope. He's just reading whatever lines he has without any conviction or belief. When Christian attacked Sheamus, did anything stand out? He just tackled the guy and punched him until he got pulled off. There wasn't anything interesting about it. Now compare that stuff to Lesnar and The Shield and The Wyatts and pretty much every thing else getting any shred of time. Even in terms of the more undercard build to WM, Cesaro and Swagger's more interesting, largely because Zeb friggin' rules and Cesaro's been putting together constantly amazing matches when given the chance, as opposed to Sheamus and Christian having very good affairs that aren't anything spectacular. Cesaro also has one of the best signature spots in The Giant Swing whereas Sheamus' 10-forearm thing is stupid. They don't have that extra thing that a lot of other guys on the roster do. There's nothing wrong with that. They're both good (great, even) in-ring guys. But they need more than that and they don't.

The pre-show stuff ruled. It's fantastic. It adds to the reality of what we're watching. I love it so much.

I finally saw Daniel Bryan vs. Bray. Uhm, oh dear lord. That match is insane. There are so many great things in this. Bray ordering his troops to the back. "I DON'T NEED YOU IN THIS WAR!" Bryan's great curbstomp variation of the surfboard. Bray's fatboy floor senton. Bray biting Daniel's thumb to get out of the Yes Lock, countering that into him clubbing the crap out of D-Bry with forearm smashes. (Seriously, one of the greatest transitions ever.) Bryan rolling Bray up out of a Sister Abigail. The end sequence of this is superb. Bryan -- the king of the comeback -- makes another one that includes spots like a tornado DDT off the apron and a superfly splash, total variations and things we've never seen from him before. I love how he's about to set up the knee but Bray cunningly rolls out of the way. The Sister Abigail to the railing is maybe the Spot of the Year right now. (My other favorites -- Rollins doing his somersault plancha and landing on his feet, Cesaro countering Zayn's corner tornado with an insane uppercut, Cesaro sending Cena to the floor with a leaping uppercut.) Just a terrific, out-of-nowhere spot. The end is haunting, as the monster wins the feud and conquers our hero. His kingdom will come. I don't know what to say to anyone who still doubts Bray can work. I know D-Bry can good a great match out of anyone but he can't get a match like this out of just anyone. Bray was involved in the best feud of the year (vs. The Shield), probably the second best feud of the year (vs. Bryan), a potential Match of the Decade (EC), maybe the best free TV match of the year (The Rematch) and maybe the second best overall Match of the Year (Royal Rumble.) And, oh yeah, he's also the best mic worker in the company and has an incredibly compelling character. I think the phrase "Super Worker" is starting to apply to him. Cena working as an injured ace stemming off the cult leader who has broken everyone so far in his path is a sleeper pick for best match at WrestleMania.

What if I like them as in-ring hands but think they're better served helping dudes get over? Not sure where that puts me.