BEN!

They removed the GFW footage from GWN and their store cause Jarrett demanded they do so. He also wanted any money made off it which they responded appropriately with something like, "LOL, nobody bought these." The deleted masters are probably the versions with the original commentary cause Jarrett had the commentary redone before they were aired as One Night Only PPVs. Work presumably done at Anthem's expense. I can believe those would be deleted after the new commentary was done cause there's no reason to save it. The real reason is because the US already has Rick Steiner. He should've tried getting a written recommendation from Rick Steiner. IMPACT replay added to Twitch Mondays at 6 PM and to GWN on Tuesdays. Callihan and Fallah Bahh also re-signed. That five million Jericho pretends they offered him getting spread around.

The rag sheets are old news, brothers. The real scoops are on the hotline, dude! The hot new scuttlebutt on the AEW Hotline is Cody's opponent will be someone from his past but the real question is whose side will he be on afterward? Will he finally embrace his cowboy heritage and become a rootin'-tootin' kowpunching outlaw or will he join up with notorious cowboy denier Chris Jericho who thinks cowboys were faked by Hollywood? Call the AEW Hotline now at 1-555-TNT-DAVE for all the scoops. Kids get your parents permission before calling. Only $9.99 the first minute, $19.99 a minute thereafter. 1-555-TNT-DAVE. Call TODAY!

Mostly deceased induction class could make for some quicker acceptance speeches.

Quackenbush being around explains that scavenger hunt-ass Worlds Collide tournament.

My bad, I guess it did grow back cause she's been wrestling again.

It's too bad her leg never grew back. She was a good addition to LAX. Now we so rarely get any mentions of Peaches. Bhupinder Singh's bio says he's part of The Desi Hit Squad. I don't think he's ever appeared in anything. Vikas Kumar got squashed on the Indian tapings like two years ago. His bio makes it sound like he was supposed to be part of The Desi Hit Squad too. Gama had so much trouble spitting out the team name and just two guys. I can't imagine how he was going to remember five guys' names. Maybe that's why they named three of them Singh.

Also,

EC3 should've traded some magic beans for Truth's spot. Then we could've gotten vignettes of R-Truth and the beanstalk. That's how they could reintroduce Big Show too.

I haven't seen Buck's appearance yet but I've got it on the list of stuff I plan on buying from Smart Mark eventually. I saw the engagement angle and I could've sworn I saw the wedding angle but I didn't remember the Colonel working so blue.

Becky Lynch and Nia Jax both entered themselves in the last spot in matches they weren't even supposed to be in. Tunney wouldn't have let this occur. Why would anyone bother to draw a number and enter legally when you can just show up when you want? Charlotte Flair probably goes to WrestleMania on a technicality cause she was the last legal entrant standing. Which makes her look like a heel despite again doing nothing wrong unlike cheating ass sore loser Becky Lynch who lost her title match and then stole the Rumble win. And you need a 3-way cause if they really want to main event with the women then they're going to have to do a ton of press and Lynch doing puns and calling herself "The Man" will probably play poorly and Rousey is just batshit and will start going off about time travel so it's up to Flair to come off as the likeable one. And Mickie James was who they needed in there directing traffic but they tossed her super early for some reason.

The idea that Kenny Omega is the hottest free agent in wrestling is so ridiculous. Who's he ever beaten? Let me tell you something, baby, the hottest free agent in all of the pro rasslin' is none other than BUNKHOUSE BUCK, baby! And he's got plenty of ready made feuds right there in the AEW with Cody Rhodes and The Young Bucks. Those name-appropriating Young Bucks been out there cashing in on his good name for too long but now they've got to deal with the one true Buck with "Bigg Hoss" Jake Hager backing him up. Matt Jackson's going to have to learn to sell a second body part cause Bigg Hoss been snapping ankles like a man repossessed. The first meeting will end when those cheatin' ass Rhodeses interfere and then when the Colonel steps in ready to smack around Cody just like he did his daddy and brother, Hangman Page arrives but the Colonel backs him up by telling him he's going to take him under his wing and teach him to play double Dutch with Brandi which leads to a little dissension between Cody and Page. No time to dwell on double Dutch though cause here comes a single Dutch rolling in, it's "Dirty" Dutch Mantell along with the newest member of The Stud Stable, "Cowboy" James Storm and they call out Chris Jericho for abandoning the cowboy way. A match is made where if Storm wins, Jericho goes back to being "Cowboy" Chris Jericho but if Jericho wins then Mantell will have to attend a Fozzy concert, a punishment worse than anything he ever saw in 'Nam. Then the original "Tennessee Stud" Ron Fuller arrives and he calls out Tony Khan. He tells him that unlike boy Tony, he's run both a successful sports team and a successful wrestling promotion and The Stud Stable is the most powerful force in all of professional rasslin' which brings out Kenny Omega who Fuller calls a fake fruit booty and tells him he doesn't respect him and there's no place in the sport of kings for such a character and then "Exotic" Adrian Street attacks Omega from behind and takes him out. Then Glacier comes out to make the save but Fuller calls him a fake superhero and a phony karate man when The Bullet attacks Glacier with karate and takes him out. Then the rest of The Stud Stable arrive and they tar and feather Tony Khan and let him know that you never go full ham when you can go mayHAM and from now on all hell is breaking loose in the AEW, baby!

The packaging looks so much better than the figures deserve.

They should put Impact on their YouTube channel the next day too or even Pursuit's YouTube channel. Expecting people to go from that on-demand life to watching shit as it airs like some barbarian from 1985. They can add direct links to ShoPimpAct via the annotations and probably make more selling merch than that spare change Amazon gives them per subscriber.

No better way to showcase the art of tag team wrestling than a multi-team gimmick match with no tags.

I'm picking Mandy Rose for the women's Rumble. First eliminated last year. Last one standing this year. Could easily see Naomi getting added to the WM match to make it a 3-way on the SD side too. Styles for the men's Rumble. Make up for the missed rematch at Survivor Series. I don't get why they didn't just have McIntyre do the Cena injury angle. It's a better WM matchup. I want Rollins vs. Ambrose in a blindfold match at WM. Cause justice is blind and all.

I hope it's the announcement of the WWE Brand Challenge Series. "You fans don't like Raw? Then leave! I'll replace you with CGI. The WWE Brand Challenge Series kicks off next Monday with the Capture The Midget Relay Race worth 100 points featuring Braun Strowman, Bobby Roode, and Chad Gable representing Team Raw; The Big Show, Luke Gallows, and Karl Anderson representing Team SmackDown and EC3 and Heavy Machinery representing Team NXT as well as Drake Maverick representing Team 205 Live and acting as the midget." Or The Rock is entering the Rumble.

Now With Ass

Virgil looking for fans to hustle. I can't believe they made the sign.

How many more white guys does New Japan need? Who do they think they are, Lucha Underground? The situation with EVOLVE could've been avoided if Gabe didn't try and get cute and have WWE guys beat IMPACT's tag champs. If the goal in booking LAX was to draw locally then the match to do would've been LAX vs. Dickinson/Jaka. Team Pazuzu explodes in New York. Speaking of New York and that Eli Drake BFG open challenge to anyone from New York, you know who's also not from New York? Joey Janela from New Jersey.

Lemme tell you something, baby, dont' worry about the Royal Rumble. Ain't nobody left in this need to be winning either one of them anyway. The vacation is what matters and vignettes of the winners on vacation. Let's say Mahal and Foxy win and pick a boat trip as their vacation. Recently retired Rhyno recently purchased a marina. Rhyno takes them out on a boat, jokes about the Jericho Cruise get made, Foxy can wear a ridiculous captain's hat. Then R-Truth pops up and when Mahal questions why he's on the boat, Truth tells him he's on his vacation from winning the MMC which angers Mahal and a fight breaks out which leads to Rhyno and R-Truth dumping Mahal overboard which leads to the Singh Bros. dressed like pirates picking Mahal up and chasing the other boat to a desert island where Carmella shows up on the beach and calls for a dance break and then we see Hornswoggle pop up from under the water and plant a bomb on the boat and the 2018 MMC officially ends with a boat blowing up. There's your goddamn pyro, pal.

If all you see is color from city girl Brandi Rhodes working on Aldis' horse farm then that's on you. It's not like she would be dressed like Aunt Jemima. Mary Poppins, of course. "Ah, beautiful animals aren't they? You know how they stay so lean? They poop a lot! Now take this [hilariously large shovel] and get those stalls cleaned out and you best be quick about it cause you need to get my son ready for school in an hour. I take my son's education very seriously. As a father, the last thing I want is for my son to ever wind up in a Hot Topic spending his last $20 on a Bullet Club shirt so he can beg for a "Too Sweet" on the internet."

The Dudleys didn't even protect their own finish cause they'd do that double team neckbreaker that was basically the 3D except the opponent would land back first but the fans would yell out "3D" every time they did it. If you're seeing a camo pattern in Ambrose's britches then you should probably get your eyes checked. Ziggler should get his eyes checked too. Breeze should have his badge taken away.

Rome Braves with a 2-pitch inning because of those same silly rules. https://www.milb.com/milb/news/rome-braves-reliever-hayden-deal-completes-two-pitch-inning/c-289791644?tcid=tw_article_289791644

This Orton stuff would be from like over a decade ago. What you gonna do to a guy from something that might've happened over a decade ago that hasn't registered any complaints? All this retroactive pretend outrage is gonna do is get everybody stuck in a meeting with Hulk Hogan telling them not to get caught touching themselves in public.