AxB

Well, it took longer than I thought it would, but with 270+ Deathmatch wins, I've finally got the Burning Heart (Team Deathmatches don't count, One on One's in Freemode don't count. Vehicle Deathmatches do). FYI: If you have to use only the Pistol, it means Pistol class, not just the regular Pistol pistol. I've done them with the AP Pistol and got the achievement. Also, you can switch to your Sniper to use it as a telescope, and provided you don't pull the trigger you haven't 'used' it. Last night we were doing High Road in SUVs. I bet $100 on myself, and mentioned I had a custom SUV (Customs in every class, me), and suddenly there was $3,300 staked on me in total. Now I sort of rolled over a bit on the first lap, but I was catching up when I suddenly forgot we weren't doing Dipping In and started speeding down the wrong road (there's a section that's identical, but then High Road goes a block to the South where Dipping In goes straight). Turned round and raced on, but for 3/4 of the lap a Mr Cris To Balls is talking non-stop about what an idiot I am. Worked my way back up to 2nd, but I'm 20-odd seconds behind... and then I see his blip racing down the Dipping In road while the Checkpoint is right in front of me. So, I won. And then it glitched, gave me and Cris the same RP and Money for 1st and 2nd, and said everyone who bet on me lost thier bet.

Rewatching the show to get ready for the new season, and... I really like the scenes of people reminiscing about Greyjoy's Rebellion (Jaime and Ned's assistant Jory in season one, Barristan and Jorah Mormont in season 3). If there's any way we can have, say, Blackfish and Thoros meet up and also discuss it, that would be awesome. It really underlines that, for people in Westeros it's the safe war to discuss, unlike Robert's Rebellion (like in the real world it's safe to talk about WW2 becuse everyone considers it just, but not safe to talk about Vietnam). It also underlines that however much of an idiot Theon is, his Dad was always stupider, thinking he could fight all seven kingdoms by himself and win. If anyone could do some fan art of King Robert's command tent before the storming of Pyke, you've got a less fat Robert Baratheon, Stannis, Jaime and Barristan of the Kingsguard, Tywin with the Mountain, Ned Stark with the Lords of the North (including both Mormonts maybe*), Robert Arryn from the Vale, Hoster and Blackfish Tully, and probably some Tyrells and Dornishmen too. The Greyjoys were FUCKED. * The guy who was Lord Commander of the Night's Watch, who was killed at Craster's Keep last season? He was Sir Friendzone's Dad. NOT A SPOILER.

I did a deathmatch once with a level 50-something guy, who didn't have maxed out driving skill (He had full everything else except flying). I didn't know you could make it to double figures without getting 100% driving. He was very good at Deathmatches though. He came second Did Compound a couple of times with a level 323 (I'm at 203) and a random third guy each time. The first time he came second and a level 70-ish came last. The second time, a level 27 came second and 323 was 3-10. Other than that, I spent most of the session complaining that whenever you quickstart a Deathmatch it's always teams, and whenever you host a solo one and people spawn into it, they quit before it starts. Then I jumped into Havoc's Coveted x 16 playlist. We failed 4 times. Once the Helicopter didn't land, once Zoe flipped the container trying to pick it up, once Havoc was running around inside the chopper, glitched onto the roof and made it drop the container, and once he was piloting, came in too low and bounced the container off a fence, swinging it up into the Chopper and destroying it. Then I did a race and a deathmatch with Cris and some randoms, but he doesn't want me to tell you about that.

Me. You were winning by 2 after 9:30. You lost by one at 10:00. You and Havoc had pinned one another down by the toilet, so I shot both of you. Were you thinking of somebody else? The only time we've done Paintball together and you won, it was when you were part of the team Iwas carrying. I won because I'm awesome. You lost because you were holding a Sniper Rifle. Seriously, I've spawned in the exact situation you did before, and gotten the kill on the guy who was in my spot. Two of those three times you'd already started running away BEFORE I'd shot you in the back. Had you stood and fought (using a non-cowardly weapon) you would have stood a better chance (with me having less than half health and all). Speaking of cowardly weapons, I've got the LSPD tint on my Heavy Sniper now. So that's five separate guns with over 600 player kills. Today, I finshed Coveted and spawned at Mors Mutual (as you do). Some guy put a $9000 bounty on me immediately, blew up my car before I could finish shooting him, didn't pay the insurance, but did give me the $9000. Wierdo.

"They're screwing with the wrong FUCKING people!" is a better line than either of the other options. Shows how his desire to refrain from using innappropriate language is overwhelmed by his frustration at finding himself powerless and outnumbered. Also, I can't believe they let themselves get herded along like that - given who they are and what they've been through, they should have figured it out and not done what the Terminus guys were making them do. But then, plot takes preference over character for some writers.

What Havoc did was, parachuted over to the Hospital (where we left our cars to get the Heli), shoot me, blow up everyone else's car, and drive north. I respawned and climbed up to get my Buzzard, and... well, I managed to get into second place and fire a few rockets in his general direction. But other than that, not much. I got the idea from those races in GTA 4 online, where you start out on foot and have to find a car to race in. If we did it like that (banned telephone usage I mean) it might be better. I just did the Quarry Deathmatch, in teams of 7 each (to begin with) for 15 minutes. Find a bush on the side of the hill, stand in it, Heavy Sniper... 21 Kills, 1 Death (he sneaked around and got me in the back with a Shotgun. Must have taken ages). We won 106-56. Before that (days ago) I did Paintball 3 on 3. I started out Sniping, got 3 kills without dying, but then I saw the score was 6-6 (I had though we were winning). So I said time to Rambo this shit, and next time I died it was 14-8 and I was the power player. Then Cris turned up and we did it as a regular DM. I won by Combat Roll. As in, in the final seconds he was blasting me with bullets, but I combat rolled and survived to time limit. I was 25-14. He was 24-14. A winner is me. Also, he really hates Paintball. I disliked it at first, but now... how can you hate something you always win? My go-to Gun is the Advanced Rifle - it's not as 'good' as the Combat MG, but it is silenced, and you only losr 60 rounds when you die. Last time I checked I'd got 1700+ player kills with it. Could be close to 2000 by now.

Locked on Pistols is fine*. Locked + Pickups is whoever is lucky enough to spawn nearest the SMG can walk to victory. Managed to find a Prison Thugz with weapons on, finally. Snipey snipey. I lost because my team were idiots, but I had the best K/D ratio in the match, except for the one guy on the opposing team who went 23-0. Who I'm assuming was in God mode, because I killed all of their snipers. I hate that people are doing Deathmatches in God Mode again. We had a good few months when nobody could, but they found a way back in. The other day, someone was unkillable (point blank range, Assault Shotgun, three volleys into his windpipe and he halfway flops and the pops up again each time), and his bullets exploded like grenades. I reported him. * If you have my Deathmatch style. Because when I started doing Team Deathmatches, I would usually be paired with Cris and Havoc who are both Snipe first, Snipe last, Snipe always guys - so obviously I had to be the close combat guy who Rambos around like a berserker, safe in the knowledge that anyone I flush and don't manage to kill is getting a Sniper bullet in his skull seconds later. Only I did so many Deathmatches (my overall Deathmatch record is something like 232-240), I really mastered that style, got the combat rolls down, started getting more headshots so I win the 50/50s. So now, when you've all just got pistols and the snipers can't snipe, I can still do what I do.

OK, so Maggies group and Glen's group were on the same line, with Maggie's being closer in. Daryl and Rick's crew are on the same line as each other (almost certainly a different one to where Glen is) with Rick's closer in. Tyrese is on most likely a third track, only his is close enough to where Daryl was to see the smoke from the burning cottage, which Rick couldn't see. And yet somehow, in moving away from the prison in random directions, they all arrived at a track that would lead to Terminus sooner or later. But nobody saw anything related to Terminus while they were still in the prison, even though clearly whoever's in there must have been putting the signs up for months... This is why Game of Thrones has a map. Also, in the alternate universe where Walking Dead was one movie, and Zombieland is a weekly TV show, they probably write about how great it is on message boards all the time.

What's the Portuguese word for 'Impartial'? Because after this show, I'm starting to susoect there isn't one. Grabbing the cage is legal if you're Brazilian now.

So apparently if you have a female avatar, what you do is change into one of the Bikini Tops from the Beach Bum pack, quit online, go and delete the Beach Bum pack from your hard drive, try to go back online (it'll make you re-download the BB pack - do it) and there you have it. Boobies~! Haven't tried it because I don't know how to delete stuff off a PS3. Apparently it's easy on an XBOX.

The way to avoid getting killed in your garage is to never go into your garage. Trigger or join missions from your apartment and call your mechanic for the car once you're out. Oh, and Cris? You're never going to win from up on that hill. It's called a Deathmatch, not a Lifematch.

Got my Grim Reaper tattoo on my leg. So that's good. Still not unlocked the Hottie yet, not that I'll get it when I does becomes available.

Me and Cris tried that Transformer Station deathmatch. We both thought it sucked. We had a long session on Wednesday night, where everyone admitted I was right about Gauntlets being the best muscle car, I showed everyone how that boring pencil-shaped race in Fort Zancudo becomes awesome once you put wanted levels on, and we had a brief discussion on the origin of the word dickhead. Cris found a link, and laughed. Havoc looked at it and laughed. Luke looked at it and nearly died. I've got my Orange on the Heavy Sniper this morning. LSPD soon. I only need 8 or 9 more Team Carrier's to get the Grim Reaper on my leg too... Can't tell how far off Burning Heart is, but it can't be far.

There's a third trailer up now. With a shot of the Titan of Braavos in it. So either Arya or Sam will be arriving there this year. It looks like they're actually trying to speed through the story - might be smart, being as George got kind of bogged down at around this stage. But it also means that the whole 'Do we follow the book or not?' issue goes away, because they'll run out of book plot before the end of season 5. If Joff dies in episode 2, and Tywin in 4 or 5, people's expectations for what happens in 9 will be through the roof.

What the hell was that thing at the start of the episode, with Daryl back on his bike and Glen driving the truck, meeting Bob and not recognising him? Was that supposed to be a flashback? Because I spent the whole episode convinced it was them doing the 'show the ending at the start' thing and wondered why they were letting us know in advance that Glen and Daryl would meet up - when Daryl was in the mortuary I knew he'd get out fine because we'd already seen him meeting Bob afterwards. Really, not putting a '3 Months ago' title on that bit totally killed it for me.

I'm fielding 9 players, with one on the bench. Both my Goalies have games. None of my forwards do, but I'm not selling them when I won't be able to afford them back.

I join Random Deathmatches by flipping my phone up and pressing right (Join Job) once. Don't wait for an invite, just go on passive* in your house and join something random. Half of the people on my PS3 friends list are people I met doing that. Last night we were doing air races to try out the new plane (and for bonus money this weekend). They need to make checkpoints in air races bigger, everyone collides in the first couple. * Because then if you do a long chain of jobs, when you return to freemode you'll still be in passive, and thereore be able to bank without getting shot first.

This is on Channel 5 and BT Sport 2 in the UK. Not on any TV channels in America, but on two in Britain? Wierd. I think they're using Gustaffson to get everyone to buy Fight Pass. Presumably they're thinking that they've got enough fans that are so hardcore into the Sport that they can't be overexposed to it.

That Paintball Deathmatch, it's just Vespucci Shoreline with added crap all over the beach to mess up your sightlines. But I still put a like on it, because of the audacity with which I stole the victory, and because at one point Luke the Duke had the honour and priviledge of becoming the 600th victim of my AP Pistol. So that's 4 LSPD Tints I've got now*. Next, Heavy Sniper (will be tricky because usually in a Team DM or a Freemode Battle I'm with Cris and Havoc who are both Snipe first guys - so my potential victims fall down dead just as I'm zeroing in on them. Air Thrusting celebrations in Team Deathmatches are the best, because the kill leader is doing this ludicrously exhuberant celebration while all of her teammates stand around looking confused. Before the lads got on last night, I was in a few team DMs with this Indian Guy who kept singing Gangnam Style at my avatar. Just the "Hey, Sexy Lady" bit, over and over again. She's dressed like that (Purple Top Hat, Aqua Bikini Top, Purple Miniskirt (Level 90 unlock), Aquamarine heels) to show off the tattoos, not because she's trying to be sexy. * That I've earned. Obviously anyone can just have bought LSPD Tints on the SNS Pistol, Gusenberg Sweeper, Special Carbine and Heavy Pistol without getting any kills with them.

Yesterday Morning, me and Havoc tested his new Turismo against my Entity on Grand Tour. It seemed that the Turismo was very light, that when they went shoulder to shoulder it was like hitting a balloon with a brick. I won, and I never win Grand Tour. Last night, I tried the same thing against Cristobal. Either he's a lot better at controlling through vehicle contact, or I'm a lot worse at racing after a 9 hour shift than I am before it. You can buy full outfits from the Clothes shops now, just walk up to the counter. You can also wear more than one piece of Jewelry at the same time now, as evinced by my Business Gold Watch and Valentine's Day Pearl Necklace. I've seen lots of people wearing the new masks*, but nobody but me in a Top Hat or Bowler. Everyone has the chance to do a Clockwork Orange gimmick, and nobody's doing it. Probably trading in my Elegy for a Jester soon. Probably. I've had no luck with Sports Cars. The Fusillade doesn't turn, the Comet used to spin out (and lost it's insurance before it got blown up, mere days before it would have become legal to sell it) and the Elegy is half a muscle car. Was thinking about trying a Coquette (making it red so I can sing that Prince song) but the Jester might be better. Not sure if the mods would make it better or worse though. * They'd be good if you could wear them with a Hoodie with the hood up, Doctor Doom style. Might have to see if you can wear them with a open face Crash helmet, like you can with the pig mask and that.

What is it about American society that it considers violence to be less harmful than nudity? I mean, Star Wars has a guy getting his arm chopped off with a Laser Sword, and that's fine for little little kids because he doesn't bleed?

I have this theory that the show is just a massive piece of anti-Running Zombie propaganda. Only at an early production meaning, somebody misunderstood the phrase "They have to move really slowly" and thought they meant the pace of the storylines.

CREW EMBLEM TATTOOS! Too late! I'm full! The new victory taunts are great though. AIR FUCKING! Top Hats and Bowler hats and new High Heels and Jackets and Trousers are nice, but the new Girl's haircut is this Pam Greer/ Sideshow Bob thing that just looks ridiculous. Havoc tells me it's also the new Boy's haircut. So if you ever wanted your avatar to look like Samuel L Jackson in Unbreakeable...

Technically Cristobal has more LSPD tints than me*. But he plays (or played - WWE network exists now) more than I do. There's a Skull Tattoo on the leg that you get from the Team Carrier award, which is leading your team in a Team DM. Shocked I've not unlocked that one yet - I'd been avoiding Team Deathmatches in pursuit of the Burning Heart and I'm getting most kills more often than not with randoms. * He has Advanced Rifle, Combat MG, Assault Shotgun and Heavy Sniper. I have the first three, but my Sniper is only Green for now. My SNS Pistol is LSPD but anyone can buy that, no need to unlock. EDIT: Update is out. Lots of Hockey Masks & Warrior Masks, no Wrestling masks. New Clothes look alright. Heavy Pistol might not be as good as the AP, Special Carbine almost certainly not as good as the Advanced Rifle. New Supercar looks good.

So after we did that Rally Race last week, I thought that was it, I'd finally have unlocked the Angel tattoo. But I didn't, there was one more thing you needed. I'd already got at least one win in a race, a GTA race, a Deathmatch, a Team Deathmatch, Tennis, Golf, a Survival, an LTS, a VS mission, a Gang War et cetera.... but I'd never won Arm Wrestling. Now I've won Arm Wrestling (I'm 1-0 in Arm Wrestling; The random I beat tried to kill me for not giving him a rematch. He died instead) and I've got the 5* Angel on my back. So probably my character is going to be in Bikini tops for a while now. Am I the first person to unlock the Angel Tattoo? There's a leg Tattoo called 'Hottie' that unlocks when you complete the 'Lapping it up' award. I thought this was something to do with racing. It's not. It's something to do with the Strip Club. EDIT: Orange Tint on the AP Pistol now. Can I get it blue before the Desert Eagle comes out tomorrow?