DEATH VALLEY DRIVERETTE 02222016! OKABAYASHI~! KANEHIRO~!

[DEAN]

WELCOME TO YOUR DEATH VALLEY DRIVERETTE~! for 02222016!

 

PRO WRESTLING HEAT UP- 1/7/2016

[RASMUSSEN]

 

Easing into the Heat-Up today.  

 

KOTARO NASU/ SHINYA ISHIDA vs DAISUKE KANEHIRA/ KOJI IWAMOTO: Man, Kotaro Nasu is the indy-est guy in Japan. See here: http://www.cagematch.net/?id=2&nr=10323&page=20  This year he has already wrestled in K-Dojo, this the beloved Heat-up and the super-skuzzy new FMW.  Last year, it was K-Dojo, the super-skuzzy new FMW, DDT, Tenryu Project, frickin TOKYO GURENTAI!, the Asuka Project, STYLE-E, Kyushu Pro, fucking PRO WRESTLING SECRET BASE, Real Japan, Fu-Ten, REINA (which I thought was for girls!), INOKI GENOME!, Michinoku Pro and ZERO-1.  Strangely, he hasn't wrestled in GUTS World in two years.  He did get kicked in the face by Kazuki Hashimoto in Big Japan in 2013.  He was a half of the Apache Pro Tag Champions in 2012.  He's so indie, Steve Albini should record his promos. Meanwhile, SHINYA ISHIDA is so indie that he is bereft of a profile at Cagematch.net.  He has been on almost every Heat-Up card since their second show on 2/16/2013, but just started capitalizing his names since February of 2014- because you will go crazy if you ask questions by this point.  Koji Iwamoto has wrestled only 74 matches in 4 years- which is always odd for a Japanese guy.  Ah, I was assuming he was a DNA guy but he was part of the even more confusing DDT subgroup, Basara.   Kanehira has been wrestling in Heat-Up since February of 2014, possibly causing ISHIDA to break his caplocks. Enough of these chumps' back story.  Let's see if they know how to make YOU give a crud about them in the ring. ISHIDA looks like ANOTHER bass-player for Church of Misery.  Maybe Japanese goth guys just look like Japanese death metal bass players.  Kanehira looks the best standing there- my favorite eternal saying from good egg Tim Noel.  Kanehira and ISHIDA do some low-grade brawling round ringside and Nasu punches people hardest of the four but none of these guys are making me glad they didn't switch this with the first match.  Nasu will lay it in and does look like he has just 300 matches under his belt- a couple matches in frickin' Fu-Ten. ISHIDA and Iwamoto mill about, hitting each as if they needed to save it up for the big TOKYO GURENTAI at the fishmonger warehouse later that week, or something, so you do all this weak looking stuff inches from the eyes of your paying customers.  Hopefully, this heats up as we keep going. ISHIDA lays in a pretty good kick to the corner that Iwomoto leans into. They fiddle around a bit and THEN Nasu and Iwamoto start actually beating the life out of each other, so I hope this is one of those bad first impression dealies.  ISHIDA ups his game with a really nice POWERDRIVER~! and is all agressive and nasty with a rear naked choke into and out of a headlock and tries to make his punches look good. Iwamoto hits a dragonscrew and Nasu is into this now and makes it look fabulous spinning to the ground in agony.  Kanehira tags in and it go twice fast and it is all dynamic and fun- one of the few matches that excite me when they move away from brawling.  Kanehira hits a swanky Brainbuster and maybe he is the one to watch out of these three.  ISHIDA is perfectly fine in a third tier Dragon Gate kind of way. Kanehira has really good offense even with the little stuff- like a knee to the stomach, which looks far more painful than ISHIDA's far more elaborate offense. Kanehira makes an indie Falcon Arrow look good.  He should wrestle more. Iwamoto does a Cattle Mutilation and this a cavalcade of 90s finishers.  ISHIDA makes a tag out of DDT and Nasu brings a shoot style thing to the match and they double team Iwamoto with Nasu kicking him impressively in the throat.  Kanehira tags in and hits fucking awesome judo flip.  Fuck it, watch this for Kanehira.  He is a tiny clinic on making yourself look good by making little things look good. Iwamoto hits some nice stuff but is cut off by ISHIDA and allows Nasu to hit a gigantic Backdrop Driver.  Iwamoto and Nasu really beat the shit out of each other for some nearfalls and it is all a very good finish to an inconsistent match.  Nasu finally kicks Iwamoto in the head enough to win.  You could live without seeing this, though there is a lot of potential for future wrestling watachability.  Postmatch, Masked Mystery attacks everyone and ties up Kanehira and carries him off.  The reason for this?  I could not possibly tell you.  Then other people kick other people. Yeah, I know! It is so Heat Up-esque.            

~!~

I got a feeling deep inside of me

It's kinda strangeSINGLES GOING STEADYlike a stormy sea

I don't know why, I don't know why

~!~

 

YOHEI NAKAJIMA/ YUMA AOYAGI vs TOSHIYUKI SAKUDA/ YUJI OKABAYASHI- ALL JAPAN PRO WRESTLING- 2/15/2016- [RASMUSSEN]:   This is a fun idea of a match.  Yuji Okabayashi and Nakajima (not the Kensuke Sasaki protege) are your veterans from Big Japan and All Japan, respectively.  Aoyagi and Sakuda are rookies from All Japan and Big Japan, respectively.  The wildcard?  Go to cagematch.net.  Aoyagi is 6'1".  Sakuda is 5'1".  There shall be rookie assbeatings.  The rookies start off by spinning around each other and the Super Astro-esque Sakuda does the knee scissors to Aoyagi's headlock until Sakuda tags out to Okabayashi- and I assume that they aren't going to have  Okabayashi beat the dogpiss out of Aoyagi to piss off Nakajima and we have interpromotional bloodbath.  Though that would rule.  En Lieu, Nakajima tags in and HA! decides to go ahead and trade chops with Yuji Okabayashi.  Are they going to have the greatest mentor-rookie tag ever where Okabayashi beats the living hell out of the All Japan veteran, ENRAGING THE ALL JAPAN ROOKIE who takes it out on the pocket-sized partner of Okabayashi.  The dream.  If it would only LIVE....  Nakajima seems to get some traction with some karate kicks but Yuji just fucking nails right in the Adam's apple with a chop and you remember why you watch every Okabayashi match, no matter how minor or weird.  Teeny Tiny rookie boy runs the ropes with Nakajima and tags Okabayashi back in and Nakajima tags tall boy in and Yuji opts to let the punk get in some his fighting spirit before a crushing chop cuts him off before he fires back again.  And Okabayashi cuts him down with a chop and they do it again.   Yuji hits four chops and gets himself and the rookie's offense over without having to slaughter the youngun. Yet.  Okabayashi does look annoyed as he tag out and grabs Aoyagi's hair to keep him in the corner as Sakuda uses his shoulder based offense to its highest effect.  Sakuda cranks in a frontface lock and Yuji tags back in and it is back to flurry of the rookie with the chop of experience.  This time Yuji breaks it up with a really high back drop for two- with Nakajima saving his rookie, to Okabayashi's chagrin.   Yuji  bodyslams the rookie and shoves the veteran off the apron to the floor to tag in wee Sakuda who procures the CRAVATE~!  into assorted chain wrestling to set up the wee man and the tall man to beat the hell out of each- in a desperate rookie manner.  Aoyagi goes off the ropes but catches a dropkick and teeny tags in Okabayashi who is ready to end this so he starts legit strongstylin' on tall rookie with slams and chops and the preposterously stretchy Boston Crab until Aoyagi hits the ropes, infuriating Okabayashi who mauls him in the corner and opts to go ahead and rip his skull off with a lariat and THUS beat traffic home.   But Aoyagi ducks it and hits a comical Flying Burrito to allow Yohei Nakajima to tag in and hit some hysterical offence that Yuji Okabayashi feels obliged to sell.  After a while, Okabayashi hits a nasty powerslam and tags in the wee Sakuda to polish him off with assorted shoulder ATTACKS!  He misses on a SabuSault to allow Nakajima to tag in his rookie- who missile dropkicks and then just dropkicks to set up another dropkick after a flying crossbody. Sakuda hits a spear after ducking whatever Aoyagi was trying, which allows Okabayashi to whip Sakuda into the corner like a bowling ball with shoulders, which is followed up with Okabayashi totally crushing him in the corner with a lariat.   Yuji bodyslams the corpse and Sakuda hits a quebrada but Nakajima makes the save and hits endless superkicks to leave the rookies in the ring.  After Sakuda has a foray into spunkiness and headbutts, Aoyagi hits a flying cross body block to set up a Fisherman Suplex with a bridge for the win!  TALLNESS!  Okabayashi smacks his runty partner in the head- as if to say, "Let's go home, ya knucklehead."  This match is probably more suited for we Okabayashi completists, though this is perfectly fine for a rookie-mentor tag match.  So we will always have that. Ah, doowatchalike.

http://rutube.ru/video/b5895c3c289933a14d001467d2aa71ea

 

TOMORROW:  Prolly that Shibata/Ishii match.

[J.T.]

ROOKIE ASSBEATINGS~!

[Curt McGirt]

Silly Dean, Church of Misery is a stoner doom band, not death metal. Though their lyrical topics say different. The Edmund Kemper sample at the beginning of this is terrifying.