Fuzzy Dunlop

Legit didn't know the Penaldo thing was always a thing and I support Man United. I mean, you have to actually score penalties too. Yeah, it's a free shot at goal but it's not a free goal.

That recent rule where the linesmen don't flag straight away when they see the offside and have to wait a lot of times until the friggin' ball is in the net and everyone celebrates is absolute dogshit by the way. It happened to Hungary earlier too, man was about 400 yards offside, just call it there instead of having a whole stadium go banana.

MBAPPE!!! THERE ARE NOT MANY IN WORLD FOOTBALL WHO CAN DO TH...ohhhhhhhh. Favourite commentator line of the tournament so far. Thanks Clive.

First heard people use that line five years ago when he was at Leicester when he was so good in their midfield he fooled people into believing his midfield partner Danny Drinkwater was any good. Was the whole thing after that when he went to Chelsea too that he probably ran to London from Leicester. He was playing for Caens in the French 2nd division in 2014, since then he's won 2 league titles, an FA Cup, a Champions League, a Europa League and a World Cup all while being four-foot nothing of adorableness. I saw the Penaldo thing trending on Twitter earlier too, is that what people are using now to try and besmirch (my all time favourite Regal promo word) a man who's scored 800 odd career goals and by the time he's finished (because he's legit going to play until he's 40) I wouldn't be surprised would have close to 900 odd?

Jesus, imagine Flower of Scotland if Hampden was full.

Paying our fucking license fee for some shadows? I mean, if the whole thing had been one big shadow and that somehow stopped England scoring, that would have been swell. Actually, I'm going to refrain from commenting on England throughout this because there's a decent chance they might actually win the whole thing and that would not be swell but, then again, it's England and they'll probably Spurs the fuck out of it. Anyway, that vaguely reminds me of the story of an off his tits Elton John phoning down to a hotel reception and asking them to do something about the windy weather outside. I'm pretty sure I didn't make that up.

Netherlands/Ukraine was fun as fuck, made all the better before the match even started by Mark Pougatch on ITV uttering the best words in football: ''Let's join our commentary team of Ally McCoist and...'' Yeah, you had me at ''Ally McCoist'' there, Mark. By far and away the best co-commentator on BBC and ITV and a man who, get this and this is the shocking part, actually sounds like he's enjoying having one of the best jobs in the world where he gets paid to go watch football as opposed to some of the rest of them who have always sounded like they're commentating on paint drying on growing grass.

Yeah, I'm glad it seems the players wanted to finish the match and it wasn't UEFA forcing their hand but still going to be so bizarre for them. Absolute credit to the players for immediately realising there was something wrong, the referee, the medical team and, indeed, the fans (Finnish fans chanting Christian, Danish fans chanting Eriksen).

Apparently the fans were cheering when he was being wheeled off the pitch and he was conscious on the stretcher? Hopefully good news.

Fucking hell, honestly the worst thing I've ever seen watching a football match live and, yeah, the broadcast should immediately have cut back to the studio, absolutely no need to show the man receiving CPR. Referee deserves credit for acting immediately though. I just hope he's okay. Football is irrelevant.

Yeah, so, Nobody was the Breaking Bad spin-off no-one (or...nobody) was quite predicting, in which Saul Goodman goes full John Wick, fucks everyone up and features a scene in a nursing home involving THE Christopher Lloyd that, to paraphrase that lame as fuck quote, will have you MARKING OUT BRO. 80 gazillion stars and not just because it was the first time I was back in a cinema since what feels like 1973.

67 year old Chiellini celebrating like a motherfucker in the 92nd minute when he made that block trying to get a clean sheet while they're 3-0 up is A number one and not just because I stuck a fiver (I know, I know, such a big spender) on Italy to win the whole thing. The last year has been utter shite but, honestly, I've really been looking forward to this tournament and from booking days off work here and there, I figure I'll miss maybe 2 or 3 matches in total out of the 51. Of course the highlight before the tournament even began has been the Micah Richards/Roy Keane bromance on Sky Bet that everyone should watch and that someone smart should totally commission as a full length series involving the two.

I always wanted to play for Man United as a youngster but that obviously didn't quite work out. Now I'm old as fuck and yet, at 36 years old, it still gives me hope that I could one day play for them when I remember they paid £50 million for Fred and he's on £120,000 a week when he can't control the ball, couldn't pass wind, has never met a stupid foul he didn't like committing and spends most of the match with his hand in the air apologising for the latest mistake he's made. I feel like I'm singling him out because, I mean, all the players were shite tonight (the likes of McTominay and Henderson didn't exactly cover themselves in glory either) and United were firmly in already qualified for the top 4, stumbling over the line in 2nd place mode but, holy shit, I'm becoming more and more convinced he's probably the worst regular first team player I've ever seen play for that team. I mean even at their best they had some shite squad players but a regular starter? Nah, can't think of anyone worse. Anyway, I'm making my United debut next week. Look out for the old fucker with F. Dunlop 99 on the back of his shirt.

I knew I hadn't misremembered the whole Pillman faked his death thing. I mean, shit, wasn't he one of the names mentioned (along with Jake Roberts, DiBiase, Flair and literally everyone else apart from Vince McMahon) that people thought was the Higher Power during that whole shit show or am I completely making that up?

The Booker-T A&E doc was fine, pretty good, nothing ground breaking. That being said, the King Bookah run on Smackdown is legit one of my all time favourite runs of any wrestler in the history of ever (a hot take, perhaps?) so it brought back memories of that period and also reminded me of Harlem Heat shit talking into the corner cameras in WCW which was always bad fucking ass whenever they (or most other people) did it and that's definitely not a hot take. Hogan was an...interesting participant in the documentary, I guess.

So we can move on in a quiet and dignified manner and forget Man United were ever part of this sordid mess in the first place, right?! Ah, fuck it, they deserve everything they get. On another note, this whole shitshow had me watching a 6:33 video of James fucking Corden and, even worse than that, I spent the entire time nodding in agreement with him. SIX MINUTES AND THIRTY THREE SECONDS OF JAMES CORDEN. Where's my apology, so called 'Big Six'?! But, yeah, echoing what others have said, the inevitable books and documentaries on this are going to be tremendous.

At this rate, Florentino Perez is going to be like the fucking Black Knight in Holy Grail. ''Florentino, all the other teams have dropped out, it's only Real Madrid left in the Super League.'' ''It's only a fleshwound! 'Tis but a scratch! Oh I see, running away, eh? Come back, you yellow bastards!''

Some reports suggesting Woodward was 'confronted' by Shaw and Maguire who weren't happy about the players having to find out about this clusterfuck on social media and Ole being hung out to dry in front of the media after the match on Sunday. I hope he doesn't try and negotiate on his own with potential employers for his next job, he'll spend 6 months negotiating the contract terms and then it'll collapse at the last minute. But, yeah, this all certainly went well, didn't it, bellends?

Coming from a Man United fan, you could do worse than to distract yourself from all the soulless bullshit emanating in the last few days by injecting a little more soul into your football and watching the story of my wee hometown team that aired on the BBC last night called Different League: The Derry City Story. I mean, you don't have to watch it, what am I? The documentary police? But it's the story of a team kicked out of one league during the Troubles who rose from the dead in another league and 4 years later won that league's domestic treble becoming the only team in its history to do so all while invading small towns all around Ireland like an army clad in red and white and sporting moustaches that would have made Magnum P.I. envious. It's now available on the iPlayer and it's fucking great.

The DONK sound when Austin hit Vince upside the head with that fucking bedpan and then Vince's scenery chewing screams when Austin started punching his ankle made me fall off my chair laughing when I was 13. Over 20 years later I still laugh like a hyena whenever I watch that shit because I am a child.

Wait, that whole deal with Drew and Brock was last year's Rumble, right? One year ago? Fuck, it seems like it was about 95 years ago now. Buster Keaton was a special guest participant in that Rumble, right? Wait, that's ridiculous. As if they could get as big a star as that. Knowing old man McMahon's pop culture, he'd probably try to get Buster Keaton booked for this year's Rumble. GOD DAMMIT PRICHARD GET ME THE STEAM TRAIN GUY, THAT MUTE FUCK CAN TAKE A HELLUVA BUMP. One year ago. God damn.

My wife gave birth to a new human being which was fucking weird, she went into hospital and then we came out with an actual new person who shits and pisses and cries and sleeps and is an actual thing that I spend every fucking moment thinking about and worried about instead of just worried if Man United are going to win or if Taylor Swift's new album is going to be any good. Wait, for street cred reasons I have to say I HATE Taylor Swift. Okay, I don't really. 2020 is the year Taylor Swift released two great fucking albums. Also, the year I had my first child. Okay, having a child is more important than Taylor Swift but only barely. I also got new socks for Christmas which was great as well. 2020 can go fuck itself but a lot of good shit happened too. New socks, pretty much. Oh, and Taylor Swift.

So, yeah, Wonder Woman...wasn't...very...good. I wouldn't go as far as to say I hated it, could have been 45 minutes shorter, there's parts in it I liked but a fucking magic stone that grants wishes? Yeah...nope. Pascal is usually a guy I like but, shit, he devoured the fucking scenery never mind chewed it.

A lot of the Attitude era is absolute dogshit (I re-watched '98 Raws a few years ago, the Austin/Vince stuff pretty much holds up but DX and all that shite? Absolute pish) but, holy shit, that Austin pop is still my all time favourite crowd reaction. 22 years though? Jesus. I know this year has seemed to last about 400 years but, fuck,that makes me feel old. I remember people in school going absolutely bonkers about Mankind winning the belt even if it would never put some butts in the seats.

Well, I mean, it's not going to be actual petrol. It being WWE though, I'm just surprised there wasn't a big sticker saying GASOLINE on the side of the drum like in a cartoon seeing as we're all fucking idiots.