Fuzzy Dunlop

Yeah, maybe some of the scumbag England fans (not all, by any means, the vast majority are great football fans but some...) will go out and rampage in their own cities because they lost a football match. That England team will be back, way too many good young players for them not to but, yeah, Italy's year. They deserved to win it.

There was already a sign (I say, a 'sign', I think it was just an old bed sheet) left near his house before he signed warning him not to sign but then he signed anyway so clearly he paid no heed to that ominous intimidating bed sheet. The 'small club' thing apparently or maybe it was left by a Liverpool fan or, who knows, maybe it wasn't even meant for him at all. I mean, that's unlikely, to be fair. Say for argument sake, imagine (and we'll all have to really stretch our imagination here) next season Everton batter Liverpool 5-0 at Anfield, imagine they win the League, imagine they win the European Cup the following season? Would he still not be welcome then? Football is a fickle business. I mean, speaking as a Man United fan, I thought Mourinho was a twat before he got the United job and then he got the job and then...actually, no, that's a bad example. I still thought he was a twat. Carry on.

So, yeah, Italy have to win it now, right? RIGHT? Nah, it's going to be fucking England, isn't it? Fuck.

Um...yeah...this tournament just started getting really fucking good. I mean, we should have known the tournament would really start kicking off last night when Pepe, in probably his last ever tournament, continued the time honoured Pepe tradition of being an absolute shithead. It just wouldn't be a tournament without it. Pogba went hey top corner, yeah you top corner, I'm gonna put this ball right into the fucking middle of you and then the top corner went okay, yeah, go for it and then he did. But then Switzerland weren't done.

I mean, Denmark were never not going to win that one, right? In Copenhagen? With that crowd? Nah. Made all the better by Micah Richards covering it and sounding like he was having the time of his life; a man who brings out the best in all the other pundits around him and managed to make Roy Keane break character on TV and now they seem like genuine mates. Best pundits or commentators on ITV/BBC of the tournament so far? Richards and Ally McCoist, quite easily with a shoutout to Emma Hayes who actually analyses the match and doesn't just throw out empty cliched generic nonsense like Jenas or Spud Murphy when they've clearly never seen a player play before and are just bluffing their way through it. ''So Jermaine, what do you think of -insert attacking midfielder here-?'' ''Yeah, he finds little pockets of space, he's not afraid to shoot from 25 yards, he's got a goal in him'' etc. etc. etc.

He could just give that to someone called Phillip on his 14th birthday.

Started watching when I was maybe 6 and Sting was the guy and, like Craig, I thought no-one could beat the Stinger and, in fact, I remember specifically saying just that to other kids in school but then I saw Big Van motherfucking Vader shake off a Stinger Splash AND a chairshot like they were nothing and then proceed to beat the everliving dogshit out of Sting. I went into school the next day we were in and said ''Gentlemen, I hereby retract my previous statement. Vader is going to fucking kill him.'' In those words too. I was a very vulgar child. So, yeah, Sting for first ever favourite wrestler and being legit afraid Vader was going to tear him apart and use his femur as a toothpick for scary moment.

Ray staring at Gary and completely deadpanning ''why would you put your cock in a foot?'' while not being at all surprised because, let's face it, it's Gary, was so good but then it being interrupted by a phone call for him to go do another job pretty much encapsulates the whole show. EDIT - I like that this went onto a new page. People starting reading the thread from here might find the cock in foot thing with no context a little bit strange. I mean, it's strange anyway but horses for courses and all that.

Only now catching up on last week's episode of Mr Inbetween and, jesus, what a show this is. I am a giant child so giggling at the Superman joke and the fucking vajankle thing (I mean, Gary, is legit under the radar one of the best characters on TV in the last few years, right?) one minute but, it being Mr Inbetween, of course it goes dark as fuck right after. Best show on TV.

Fuck, this Italy team are good. They still have that Italian thing where they're offended if someone tries to score against them (965 odd minutes and counting without conceding a goal) but they're fun as fuck going forward too and, from listening to Micah Richards stories about him, Mancini is a bit of a lunatic hairdryer treatment type as well so those fuckers will not stop running for him. Early, early days of course and Turkey and Switzerland (Switzerland were poor to be fair) are obviously not the likes of France, Belgium, England et al but, man, should possibly have put more than 5 quid on them. Still think it'll be France (controversial prediction there) but yeah.

Yeah, same for me. France have a couple of higher gears they can go to as well. Germany could end up grateful the 4 best 3rd place teams thing is there.

Legit didn't know the Penaldo thing was always a thing and I support Man United. I mean, you have to actually score penalties too. Yeah, it's a free shot at goal but it's not a free goal.

That recent rule where the linesmen don't flag straight away when they see the offside and have to wait a lot of times until the friggin' ball is in the net and everyone celebrates is absolute dogshit by the way. It happened to Hungary earlier too, man was about 400 yards offside, just call it there instead of having a whole stadium go banana.

MBAPPE!!! THERE ARE NOT MANY IN WORLD FOOTBALL WHO CAN DO TH...ohhhhhhhh. Favourite commentator line of the tournament so far. Thanks Clive.

First heard people use that line five years ago when he was at Leicester when he was so good in their midfield he fooled people into believing his midfield partner Danny Drinkwater was any good. Was the whole thing after that when he went to Chelsea too that he probably ran to London from Leicester. He was playing for Caens in the French 2nd division in 2014, since then he's won 2 league titles, an FA Cup, a Champions League, a Europa League and a World Cup all while being four-foot nothing of adorableness. I saw the Penaldo thing trending on Twitter earlier too, is that what people are using now to try and besmirch (my all time favourite Regal promo word) a man who's scored 800 odd career goals and by the time he's finished (because he's legit going to play until he's 40) I wouldn't be surprised would have close to 900 odd?

Jesus, imagine Flower of Scotland if Hampden was full.

Paying our fucking license fee for some shadows? I mean, if the whole thing had been one big shadow and that somehow stopped England scoring, that would have been swell. Actually, I'm going to refrain from commenting on England throughout this because there's a decent chance they might actually win the whole thing and that would not be swell but, then again, it's England and they'll probably Spurs the fuck out of it. Anyway, that vaguely reminds me of the story of an off his tits Elton John phoning down to a hotel reception and asking them to do something about the windy weather outside. I'm pretty sure I didn't make that up.

Netherlands/Ukraine was fun as fuck, made all the better before the match even started by Mark Pougatch on ITV uttering the best words in football: ''Let's join our commentary team of Ally McCoist and...'' Yeah, you had me at ''Ally McCoist'' there, Mark. By far and away the best co-commentator on BBC and ITV and a man who, get this and this is the shocking part, actually sounds like he's enjoying having one of the best jobs in the world where he gets paid to go watch football as opposed to some of the rest of them who have always sounded like they're commentating on paint drying on growing grass.

Yeah, I'm glad it seems the players wanted to finish the match and it wasn't UEFA forcing their hand but still going to be so bizarre for them. Absolute credit to the players for immediately realising there was something wrong, the referee, the medical team and, indeed, the fans (Finnish fans chanting Christian, Danish fans chanting Eriksen).

Apparently the fans were cheering when he was being wheeled off the pitch and he was conscious on the stretcher? Hopefully good news.

Fucking hell, honestly the worst thing I've ever seen watching a football match live and, yeah, the broadcast should immediately have cut back to the studio, absolutely no need to show the man receiving CPR. Referee deserves credit for acting immediately though. I just hope he's okay. Football is irrelevant.

Yeah, so, Nobody was the Breaking Bad spin-off no-one (or...nobody) was quite predicting, in which Saul Goodman goes full John Wick, fucks everyone up and features a scene in a nursing home involving THE Christopher Lloyd that, to paraphrase that lame as fuck quote, will have you MARKING OUT BRO. 80 gazillion stars and not just because it was the first time I was back in a cinema since what feels like 1973.

67 year old Chiellini celebrating like a motherfucker in the 92nd minute when he made that block trying to get a clean sheet while they're 3-0 up is A number one and not just because I stuck a fiver (I know, I know, such a big spender) on Italy to win the whole thing. The last year has been utter shite but, honestly, I've really been looking forward to this tournament and from booking days off work here and there, I figure I'll miss maybe 2 or 3 matches in total out of the 51. Of course the highlight before the tournament even began has been the Micah Richards/Roy Keane bromance on Sky Bet that everyone should watch and that someone smart should totally commission as a full length series involving the two.

I always wanted to play for Man United as a youngster but that obviously didn't quite work out. Now I'm old as fuck and yet, at 36 years old, it still gives me hope that I could one day play for them when I remember they paid £50 million for Fred and he's on £120,000 a week when he can't control the ball, couldn't pass wind, has never met a stupid foul he didn't like committing and spends most of the match with his hand in the air apologising for the latest mistake he's made. I feel like I'm singling him out because, I mean, all the players were shite tonight (the likes of McTominay and Henderson didn't exactly cover themselves in glory either) and United were firmly in already qualified for the top 4, stumbling over the line in 2nd place mode but, holy shit, I'm becoming more and more convinced he's probably the worst regular first team player I've ever seen play for that team. I mean even at their best they had some shite squad players but a regular starter? Nah, can't think of anyone worse. Anyway, I'm making my United debut next week. Look out for the old fucker with F. Dunlop 99 on the back of his shirt.

I knew I hadn't misremembered the whole Pillman faked his death thing. I mean, shit, wasn't he one of the names mentioned (along with Jake Roberts, DiBiase, Flair and literally everyone else apart from Vince McMahon) that people thought was the Higher Power during that whole shit show or am I completely making that up?