(BP)

Poor Contentious C entering another year of being trapped by those mad scientists on the spacecraft Satellite of Love.

Wilkinson was wonderful in the HBO movie Normal, about a mid-life gender transition, which feels more radical now than it did twenty years ago.

If they absolutely had to do heel TK, I’d pitch that the monitors hitting him in the head turned him evil. Do it as a short-term angle where he gets hit in the head with another monitor and becomes himself again. Then in a year they redo the devil angle where he’s being harassed by a dude dressed like this

This is triggering memories of Meltzer arguing with strangers online about airport departure schedules. And somehow that seems like a simpler time.

The thing with Love Actually that no one talks about is that if you haven’t seen it you’d never guess in a million attempts that it starts with a voiceover about how 9/11 was actually kind of heartwarming.

“We’re quoting Gil Scott Heron, good start.”

This shit’s dead. After this year, every A-lister should be trying to play Polly Pocket or get cast in a biopic about whoever created Agent Orange.

I’d really like a spin-off about Guillermo’s mutant animal offspring.

I didn’t know Eddie Murphy had a Christmas movie coming out on Prime, but Candy Cane Lane popped up when I was looking up stuff about Beverly Hills Cop 4. I put it on for the kids today because we’ve been through most of the holiday movie sacred cows, plus they know Eddie from the 2003 Haunted Mansion. It’s incredible how he pretty much looks the same in both movies twenty years apart. It’s not bad, especially for a Murphy high concept comedy made after Y2K. Jillian Bell walks away with every scene she’s in, and Eddie is working to make this more funny than a lot of his family movies. Ultimately it’s just a Disney Channel or ABC Family Christmas movie with higher production value, and at two hours it’s way too long.

How does the title keep getting worse? By the time it comes out it’ll be called Aga-Cadabra: A Witchy Wandavision Adventure.

Holt and Peralta in witness protection was so goddam funny.

Nigel is 2011 Michael Cole with an accent.

De Palma swears he hadn’t seen Deep Red when he made Dressed to Kill, but I dunno… I think everything you need to know about where his head was with that movie is that he based Keith Gordon’s character on his own experiences as a teen spying on his father’s extramarital affairs at the request of his mother. It’s fine as a dry-run for Blow Out, which I consider his best movie.

I haven’t seen May December, but the trailer gave me the vibe of a movie that treaded into self-parody and camp like Whatever Happened to Baby Jane and Hush…Hush, Sweet Charlotte. I think Nolan is a lock for best director and Gerwig for best screenplay, even though personally I thought Oppy is Nolan’s best screenplay and that Greta directed the hell out of Barbie.

He looks like the drummer or bassist in an early aughts melodic hardcore band.

We still go to the movies fairly often, but a lot of the time we’ll go on a discount day and just buy the seats on either side of us so we don’t have anyone right on top of us. We’re so into the ritual of it that sometimes when we do movie night at home we’ll hit the concession stand at AMC and bring it back to the house.

They should’ve snuck The Good Dinosaur in there and hoped no one noticed.

It’s like the Tarantino thing where he’ll just do television when he needs a paycheck or feels like working. Lord and Miller are developing a Spider-Man Noir series for Prime; I don’t know if they’ll necessarily want someone in Cage’s age range or price tag, but it’s not impossible.

I’m going to wait until the Napoleon director’s cut comes out. I don’t think it’s been announced yet, but it’s Ridley Scott, so you know he’s got one of those sumbitches in the chamber.

Cast a Deadly Spell has a loose sequel directed by Paul Schrader called Witch Hunt that I remember liking. Dennis Hopper plays Lovecraft.

I’m pretty sure that’s a video game thing, but I’m also going to assume the Black League were the folks looking for the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.

Wow, those all sound terrible. I’m getting motion sickness just thinking about the Greengrass one.

Punk being aware of FSW will always be my favorite DVDVR lore.

You’re saying the guy who wears a crown, loves to eat fast food, and hangs around high schoolers wouldn’t be Jerry Lawler?