DEAN

JAMIE MOTHERFUCKING HAYTER!

DEATH VALLEY DRIVER!

Kenny Omega RULES!

EVIL RUBY IS THE BEST RUBY!

DON CALLIS! FUCK YEAH!

Don Callis fucking RULES!

GODDAMMIT, GORDLOW!

JACK PERRY! MATT HARDY! Ethan Page is DANCING! This is very face vs face until Ethan Page injects himself and then this HEATS UP! Perry does the Volador Jr somersault over the guardrail! This got good pretty quick. I love that this stays face vs face but Page gets the crowd into it as a face vs heel match. Great catapult thingy by Hardy that makes Perry's skull bounce between the ropes! Nice Superplex by Hardy. HOOK! PAGE PUNCHES HARDY ACCIDENTALLY! Jack Perry hits a MODIFIED Hidden Blade! That was good. MJF! A lot of talking! That was fun! ANNA J IS OUTED! DALTON CASTLE! WITH Auxiliary BOYS! BLACKPOOL COMBAT CLUB ATTACKS! Jesus, Claudio is a ROBOT! BCC ARE JERKS! Very OVER jerks! DON CALLIS BLADES LIKE A TOTAL KING! AWESOME! JEFF COBB! Talk about guy as strong as a ROBOT! THE BEST BOUT MACHINE! KENNY MOTHERFUCKING OMEGA!!!! TOPE CON HILO! Note that he is DDPing his ribs. GREAT BRAINBUSTER by Cobb! Omega is awesome selling the damage though it's pretty disjointed as we go to picture in picture. Cobb makes with the Bearhug! V-TRIGGER! For two. FABULOUS Dropkick by Cobb. Giant Lariat by Cobb! BEAUTIFUL TOPROPE DELAYED SUPLEX! Standing Moonsault for two! V-TRIGGER by Cobb and then V-TRIGGER by Omega! ONE WINGED ANGEL! FOR THE WIN! That started out shaky but got good and then a thousand GIANT MOVES moved to the AWESOME column! That was GREAT! American DRAGON! TURNS EVIL! AWWWWWESOME! MAN, the BLACKPOOL COMBAT CLUB RULE THE FUCKING WORLD! The Ass Boys are fucking GREAT! The BUTCHER! ORANGE CASSIDY! The question is HOW will Cassidy make this match rule? The Butcher is slightly lesser Evil Uno so he is NOT QUITE the new Kendo Nagasaki. Butcher slings Cassidy into the guardrails- a spot I first saw Johnny Gargano do to Gregory Irons in Pro Wrestling Ohio, the moment I KNEW Gargano was going to be special. Irons wrestles while being afflicted with Cerebral Palsy. That was so fucking great. Anyway, the Butcher takes it back to 1974, applying a backbreaker and a Bearhug! BIG LARIAT BY BUTCHER into a Texas Cloverleaf! The Butcher IS the new Dean Malenko! Cassidy hits a very convoluted DDT! The BLADE with a CROWBAR for two! The Best Friends hit ringside! Crowbar to the Butcher! Orange Punch! Beach Break! That was good. Not transcendent like the usual Cassidy match has been, but it was good. It's Willow Nightingale! RUBY SOHO! Willow is despondent. Willow beats the living hell out of Ruby! They're telling a story! SARAYA CHEATS! Ringside Saraya rules. This match is great! Evil Ruby is so fucking GREAT. Ruby is right behind ATHENA! in the best heel turn in AEW/ROH Umbrella Women. She's such a JERK now! GNARLY DEATH VALLEY DRIVER BY WILLOW! Two kicks to the head! FOR TWO! POUNCE! Toni Storm CHEATS! RUBY CHEATS! RUBY WINS! BY CHEATING! Willow should have won but that was some quality wrestling. RIHO IS PIPELESS! So she and Skye Blue get beaten down! JAMIE MOTHERFUCKING HAYTER MAKES THE SAVE OF THE SAVE! So now RIHO has a CHANCE to turn heel! But we have to wait.... It's ADAM COLE! It's DANIEL GARCIA! Adam Cole is OVER in Kansas City! Cole does a very extended Headlock! Garcia MAKES WITH THE PILEDRIVER! In picture in picture, Garcia tries to KILL Adam Cole by Piledriving him on the concrete but Cole fights out! Garcia is such an awesome little punk. Cole is great working from underneath. EVEREST GERMAN SUPLEX by Garcia! Volk Han Scorpion Deathlock! Cole makes the ropes! ANOTHER PILEDRIVER! Jesus! PANAMA SUNRISE! SHINING WIZARD! COLE WINS! Britt Baker comes out! HEEL TURN! Oh. Well, that was sweet! There he is, our new number one babyface! Jericho comes out! That was sweet. AEW RULES THE MOTHERFUCKING WORLD!

Alex Kane vs Davey Boy Smith Jr was pretty good.

Sure!

Josh Briggs/ Brooks Jensen vs Stacks/ Tony D'Angelo- NXT Drew Gulak vs Hank Wlaker- NXT Athena vs Tootie Lynn- AEW Elevation

Oh yeah.

Savannah Evans vs Deonna Purrazzo! IMPACT! IS ON THE BOARD!

SWEET SHIN MUSIC!

WRECKED EM and then SUPER WRECKED EM!

DIRT SHEET DRIVER!

It's a battle royal! I hate battle royals. All to figure out who the fifth man in a FIVE WAY DANCE! I will speak no more. At least it came down to Axiom and Nathan Frazer. Axiom unceremoniously dumps Frazer to the floor after a tricked sequence out of a SuperPlex. Pretty Deadly are dressed Amish tonight? I back their play 100%. PRETTY DEADLY LOVES US! Tyler Bate! Von Wagner! Where has Von Wagner been? Tyler Bate bounces all over the ring for Wagner. Mr Stone is the secret superstar of the match as he is landed on by Tyler Bate. Bate wins with a Spinny Toprope Senton. Poor Von Wagner. Valentina Feroz and Elektra Lopez settle some hash. Lopez is pretty good. Feroz is teeny but will lay it in. Lopez does a VARIATION of a Powerbomb and wins! That was not very long. Eddy Thorpe is an LA Dojo dude, formerly known as Karl Fredericks. He looked perfectly fine. MORE PRETTY DEADLY! Sol Ruca, Ivy Nile and Indi Hartwell have a Three Way Dance! A Triple Threat! Sol Ruca is very agile and spectacular. Indi hits a Spinebuster! Sol hits her fancy finisher! Indi jumps in and steals the pin! Hank Walker and Drew Gulak settle some hash! This is weirdly good. Hank Walker is way fun on the mat now. When did THAT happen? Gulak is awesome. Walker is fun in a lummoxy way. Charlie Dempsey hits Walker as the ref was kinda not looking! That was good. It's Briggs and Jensen! It's Stacks and Tony D'Angelo! Booker T uses the phrase, "nose wide open." I haven't heard that phrase used in 30 years! Stacks is SUPER WORKER of the match. DECAPITATION by Stacks and D'Angelo! That was awesome. Briggs and Jensen hit a Doomsday Device! This match is an ode to the Road Warriors and Demolition! D'Angelo and Stacks hit a finisher and Briggs and Jensen aren't added to the three way! Okay. GARGANO BLEEDS A LITTLE!

Queen Aminata vs Skye Blue- AEW Dark Steph De Lander vs Marina Shafir- AEW Dark Dante Martin/ Darius Martin vs Liam Gray/ Adrian Alanis- AEW Dark Konosuke Takeshita vs Cole Karter- AEW Dark Tyler Bate vs Von Miller- NXT

It's DARK! From a taping that happened a month ago! NICKY BOY! AR FOX! Nicky is powerful! AR Fox flies around him! Nicky crushes Fox to cut him off! NICE LARIAT by Nicky Boy! Nicky Boy looks great in this. Fox hits a giant batch of old school Lucha dives! SWANTON for TWO! ANOTHER GREAT LARIAT by Nicky Boy! Man, this match keeps going. So this is an ROH match they stuck on Dark. Fox hits a Swanton and then hits a 450 for the win! QUEEN AMINATA! SKYE BLUE! Their matches in the indies are becoming legendary. If this is 1/4 as STIFF, this'll be good. They are MAGIC in the ring together. Great German Suplex by the Queen! Beautiful use of the SHIN to knock Blue out of the ring. Queen with the Snap Suplex on the floor! This match is fucking GREAT. Skye Blue has a fun comeback, coming off the top to the floor! Flying Crossbody off the toprope for TWO! They start beating the fudge out of the each other! Man, this is the best Sky Blue has looked in AEW. AIR RAID CRASH BY AMINATA! WRECKED EM! SUPER WRECKED EM! Blue kicks out somehow! Skye Blue hits her kinda crappy Flatliner for the win. Match of the Week so far! Evil Uno IS the new Kendo Nagasaki! Hard Edge Evil Uno is so good. GREAT FUCKING WESTERN LARIAT BY EVIL UNO! FUCKING PILEDRIVER! ANOTHER FUCKING PILEDRIVER! Alexander Moss takes the second like a CHAMP! IT'S STEPH DE LANDER! She is EVERYWHERE! I thought she signed with IMPACT! but he might not have since she took Chelsea Green's place accompanying Matt Cardona. This match is good. Marina Shafir is great when she has someone to fight and De Lander is bringing it! TK should sign De Lander if Scotty D'Amour hasn't already. NEW FUCKED UP SUBMISSION! Shafir is awesome. It's Schaff! Zack Clayton goes all King's Road! Schaff looks great in this. Wacky Fisherman Buster for the win by Clayton. It's Top Flight! Liam Gray and Adrian Alanis return! Top Flight are great. I would enjoy a Top Flight/Aussie Open series of matches. Liam Gray steals EMI's dive into the corner! COBRA CLUTCH! Darius Martin hits a SWEET Brainbuster! Dante with the SUWA Dropkick! This is another WILDLY competitive match. Dante and Darius CRUSH Gray with their Flatliner thingy! Q-TV! Harley Cameron doesn't have a cagematch.net profile STILL! QT is a HEAT MACHINE! Aaron Solo is now a HEAT MACHINE! Holy shit, Austin Green is HUUUGE! Marshal and Solo are GREAT tagteam heels. Austin Green is a fucking TANK! Green bumps over the toprope to the floor. QT hits the DIURT SHEET DRIVER for the win. Oh man, sign the shit out of Austin Green, TK. It's NXT alumni, Brady Booker! Booker does a very nice Delayed Vertical Suplex! SERP is over in Orlando! SERP does a Swanton to nowhere! SERP hits a Swanton! Booker with the Torture Rack! Booker looked pretty good. He should embrace his inner douchebag more. COLE KARTER! More NXT alumni! Konosuke Takeshita is DDT alumni! Hammerlock by Cole! TakeshitaLine! Karter with a MODIFIED STO! Karter with the Snap Suplex into a Chinlock! Great Dropkick by Karter! JESUS! Hellish GUNTHER-like chops by Konosuke Takeshita! FALCON ARROW by Karter! Karter has gotten in giant wads of offense. RANA by Takeshita into a Tope Con Hilo! BLUE THUNDER BOMB! KArter with a Buckle Bomb into a SWEET Spinebuster! This is the best Cole Karter match I've seen. SUPERPLEX but Kole rolls through! BEAUTIFUL German Suplex by Takeshita! Karter with a 450 to nowhere! Knee to the face! For the win! That was fucking great. That was the best Cole Karter has looked. POSTMATCH! BIG SHOTTY BEATS ON TAKESHITA! That was an awesome episode.

AAA! STREAMING!

Cody Rhodes vs Solo Sikoa- RAW GUNTHER vs Dolph Ziggler- RAW Rey Mysterio vs Damien Priest- RAW Viking Raiders/ Chad Gable/ Otis vs Angelo Dawkins/ Montez Ford/ Ricochet/ Brawn Stroman- RAW Becky Lynch vs IYO SKY- RAW

Hammerstone vs Jacob Fatu is currently in second!

POSSIBLE!

Big Time BEX takes on IYO SKY! Two Becksploidahs! Becky grabs Bayley's hair that let's IYO to kick her in the head! They trade stuff! Becky will lay it in. Scorpion Death Drop by Becky! Becky with a SuperPlex FOR TWO! IYO with an EVEREST GERMAN SUPLEX! A Becksploider! BEAUTIFUL Asai Moonsault! This is awesome. A series of nearfalls! Uranagi by Lynch for the win! That was great! Seth Rollins takes on Mustafa Ali! I assume this was made to make Rollins look like a total killer going into Wrestlemania because Ali is great at making folks look good. Two Stomps and that's that! That was very brief. It's an 8 man tag with Ricochet, Brawn Strowman, the Street Profits against the Alpha Academy and the Viking Raiders! This is like an AEW trios match- as they cram all kinds of stuff into every square inch of the match. They all face off and go at it! Otis POUNCES Strowman who bumps BIG to the floor! Viking Raiders beat on Montez Ford! Otis beats on Montez Ford! Angelo Dawkins makes the hot tag! Ricochet kinda runs in and hits a bunch of stuff without actually tagging in. Which is awesome. Strowman tags in and he crushes everybody. Ricochet hits a splash off of Strowman's shoulders and THEN Ford gets gigantic AIR on his splash! For the win! That was fun! Sonya Deville and Chelsea Greene takes on Candace LeRae and Mia Yim! Greene and Deville quickly win. Rey Mysterio takes on Damien Priest! Nice Lariat by Priest! Dominik beats the crap out of REY! Santos Escobar and the boys make the save! GUNTHER is going to beat the fuck out of Dolph Ziggler. JESUS! GUNTHER is beating the fuck out of Dolph Ziggler! Dolph makes a comeback! FAMEASSER! GUNTHER cuts him off by destroying his chest with a chop! Emerald Frozien and it is mercifully over! GUNTHER is awesome. Cody Rhodes and Solo Sikoa have at it. Cody goes after the knee of Sikoa. Nice Belly to Belly Suplex by Sikoa. Sikoa catches Cody mid-Tope and Uranagi's him onto the announce table! NERVE HOLD! YESS! Dustin-esque Powerslam by Cody! A Cody Cutter! Cross Rhodes! Solo with his foot on the bottom rope! Codysault to NOWHERE! Cody ducks THE SPIKE, hits a Cody Cutter.... and the USOS show up! Nearfall on Cody by Sikoa! Sami Zayn and Kevin Owens run out! They fight to the back! Cross Rhodes for the win! That was good. That was a good little episode.

Riho begins her TURN! EVIL!