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Sex Machine Gun

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Everything posted by Sex Machine Gun

  1. Oh shit, I thought that was her in the ringside scrub seats but my stream wasn't of the best resolution. Can we all just admit that this 2021 show prompted a discussion of goddamn Greg Valentine matches from thirty plus years ago and that's a terrible sign even in this *extremely* apologetic forum?
  2. No one's mentioned (for understandable reasons) that the Singapore Cane being used in the main event was... different. Like it was a real one that wasn't meant to shatter or bend for visual purposes over someone. Much darker wood, and looked super stiff. Between that and what appeared to be a majority of legitimate barbed wire might be why I actually got into a deathmatch a little for once.
  3. Hey, here's a positive: I loved Team Taz showing up to their cinematic street fight in a candy green BMW i8. They've never conferred that kind of glamorous image to Team Taz where they're rolling around in mid-engined two seaters but I like the contrast between that and their hard-nosed portrayal. Why not have the toughest also be the most extravagant?
  4. An angle they really should pursue which just came to me and I don't think I've seen anyone explore it yet: Why wouldn't Kenny have made the 30 minute explosion weak if he's the one who designed it? If I have yet to put away an opponent by that point, then I'm still going to be in danger when this shit blows. I know, I'll make it weak so it doesn't hurt me and I have better chances of keeping my belt! Ah fuck, disregard, I just realized that if that was going to be the intent they wouldn't have done their best to beat cheeks and keep Moxley in the blast area. Am I the only one who wants them to just ignore it entirely and never show any replays? Moxley was fucked up in that match from the barbed wire and the bat and the interference and gone for a while and if you didn't see it then you missed out and let's move on. What about Eddie Kingston? Who's that? ... every idea I have to fix this runs into a wall in the forms of if you actually saw it live, how the commentary sold it, how Kingston sold it, the Moxley mic work postshow, the Khan explanations... (brain circuits short out)
  5. Just remembered the ridiculous MJF "suck it" spot. Someone HAD to have blown their timing on that, I can't conceive that sequence went as planned because it was dogshit. It didn't just make MJF look like a goof but the Bucks never sell anything and yet one of them (can't remember who) was laying on the mat and selling during that nonsense. Man, if I'd started posting here eight, nine months ago I would have sounded like the biggest MJF mark that ever marked. They ruined him, and considering his age it's possibly the biggest tragedy of AEW so far. AND ANOTHER THING, fuck, why do things keep popping into my head? I want this company to succeed, goddammit! You had the heels in the preshow match flipping the bird like it was required for them to keep breathing. Then in the opener of the show proper the heels do a bunch of middle finger displays and spots. I don't remember it any more beyond that but it shows how little coordination is going on between these matches. Too many fuckin' motifs get repeated or spoiled before their time. I wouldn't be this critical if I didn't want AEW to become a legit #1 competitive promotion. WWE is so full of bullshit that it's expected and almost redundant to point out the stupid junk but this feels different, like it HAS to work or the entire business goes under and is reduced to some kind of late 19th century form where it's intensely localized and the carniest of carny shit.
  6. The true irony is that I enjoyed watching the show even if I disliked a majority of it, but ascribe that to being in a chatroom as it aired and having at least a virtual group atmosphere. Watching chicken shit with others will almost always give you the emotional chicken salad response. I couldn't even count how many times a shit PPV was still enjoyable because it was at a sports bar with other fans who I regularly saw. Had I been isolated without the online aspect, or had swung the expensive (at least on SeatGeek) ticket price to see it in person? I'd be way less forgiving. The event as a whole gets a C+ as I watched it with others. It's a little better than average, but not by much. I would have said that before the farty pyro ending too. Even if the ending had gone as imagined I wouldn't have put it above a B-. My issues lie in the match order and lack of cohesion where shit happens in matches early in the show that should be something later. I cited a couple already but another was one of the Bucks doing an overhand strike/chop flurry to get the crowd hyped in the opener. THAT'S WHAT STING IS DOING LATER DON'T DO IT NOW
  7. There's probably some other bullshit that can be found elsewhere, but all that's on the WWE.com website is that tonight will be a CELEBRATION OF THE ALMIGHTY! Of course, how they phrase it is "what will Shelton Benjamin and Cedric Alexander have in store for the celebration?" as if there'll be some dissension. Please, no dissension. Let them all be in lockstep until Summer at least.
  8. Holy shit, this PPV name has been around for this long? (walks into traffic)
  9. Jesus, even Scooter gave this show high marks just about across the board. What happened to my perception of wrestling?
  10. EDIT: Double post as I started it on another page. EDIT II, THE QUICKENING: Yeah, I double posted but this page reminded me about QT Marshall. I'd like to think I pay a decent bit of attention to AEW. I don't know who individuals are a lot when reading about them and only last night figured out which Young Buck was which, but I had NO IDEA who QT was or what he looked like until last night. It was a name I'd hear on commentary a lot but within Nightmare Family group brawls, or saw the name online. I also believe he's been with that faction for longer than, say, the Gunn brood. How the fuck did I not really know anything about them before last night? A heel turn means nothing if there's nothing to make me care. Granted, I don't see Dynamite live every week but I make sure to watch YouTube highlights the next day which are posted. Still, I didn't know what this fucker looked like until last night. Piss poor. I'll watch your weeky TV show but I'm not about to slog through a bunch of tongue-in-cheek vlogs or ancilliary bullshit to understand when something major happens on your flagship programs.
  11. Seeing a few "haven't ordered anything in a many years but sprung for this" posts in this thread, and they're generally positive responses. It makes me think of when I first discovered indy shit a couple of decades ago and saw what was really dumb as well done simply because it was something different. ECW Syndrome, if you will. I remember thinking Heat Wave 2000 was the best PPV I'd ever seen at the time simply because it was my first exposure to that presentation. Got a lot of flak on the 1wrestling.com messageboard about that and never understood why. Now I kinda get where those detractors had an origin. Online response seems to be VERY polarized, with most shitting on it due to the farty pyro but a sizeable minority giving each match high marks. Very little in the middle. Sad thing is, that's where I am! This show had a LOT of good stuff going for it but it would end up overwhelmed by poor decisions which had greater consequences. The biggest demerits are 1) I shouldn't think of your show as one of two halves, and 2) I shouldn't think of one as dramatically better than the other.
  12. Just realized I hadn't said shit about the ladder match. I didn't know who Ethan Page was and this wasn't the way to see what he could do so no judgement one way or another on his performance. The others though? It started feeling like backyarders just doing spots they thought were cool without any kind of cohesion. Why even run the injury angle with Cody if he doesn't win? Way to take the shine off the actual winner, which brings me to the elephant in the AEW room: HOW HAS CODY BEEN A FACE THIS WHOLE TIME?? Seriously, the last time he exhibited babyface actions was the MJF feud. His entrance, using a segment of national TV for a gender reveal party, the original TNT belt genesis, an entourage, what the fuck. This is a heel! Why are they being presented as a babyface? There wasn't even really much in the Shaq mini-feud that made me think "ah, Cody is the virtuous one who should be cheered!" as it was just general antagonism.
  13. Peter and Bononi could well be my AEW bottom boys. I'd never heard their music before the tag battle royal last night. I already loved Peter tapping several weeks ago to avoid getting punched in the face and thus ruining his good looks. The ironic bit was it was against Dashing Cody Rhodes. Bear Country are who I want to see go far and succeed, but you've gotta have your boy stable too. EDIT: I just realized that ironic enjoyment of things in this company creates actual pushes. DON'T RUIN IT FOR US
  14. No no no, we need an international tournament where different regions battle it out over common surnames with the final sixteen having a battle royal. That's the AEW way.
  15. No commentary in cinematic matches. Didn't make a lick of sense. I had come around to thinking the main event was 6/10 with the explosive bat finish. I didn't see it coming and it looked like it really would have fucked someone up with finality like Moxley when they've been built as indestructible and having a neverending blood supply. I despise the deathmatch stuff and was dreading this so that they'd gotten some positive feeling from me was good. The Women's Championship match was good in the middle when it resembled a hard-hitting hoss fight without the hosses but the beginning and ending thirds were rough. I don't like this extremely reactive behavior AEW tends to have. What happened with the flat climax can sit overnight without trying to throw out a bunch of other narratives and posting extra videos on YouTube and so on. Give yourselves a night of sleep to figure out how to address the dissonance between what you saw happen and what everyone was selling from the ring to the commentary table. Poor Eddie more than anyone. On the bright side, it was great fun in the chat for the first time. How in the wide world of sports are Edge and Christian the same fuckin' age? I didn't completely hate a Bucks match because one of them sold being hit in the back with a baseball bat for like, four, five seconds! Progress! The Best Friends/Miro n' Kip match did what it needed to do and was the right amount of time. Sadly, it was the only match that did this. Wait, I take that back, Page/Hardy was fine and I actually popped for the Dark Order. I've NEVER done that before. It always ends up in the details, like there being blood in the tag match on a night where you're selling a deathmatch as your main draw. During Page/Hardy, they do a lot of stuff fucking with Page's hand and the first time he uses it he's all "agh! That hurt!" and that was good but then he immediately tries to use it again and messes with his hair and stuff. And they did the friggin' order of matches that I was worried about. Alllllll the gimmicks and crazy shit got backloaded. Details!
  16. I didn't buy Spike in actual matches on his own. To be fair, I've never watched his matches with Mike Awesome so maybe those are good. In ECW he was already tiny, going to the WWF made him look positively miniature or like he was an oddly dressed fan who got lost in the arena and somehow found the entranceway for the wrestlers.
  17. They've been really good at keeping this shit under wraps. I hope it's someone from Khan's OSW boy stable instead of a massive name just for how hard I'd laugh. It'd be terrible after five seconds but those five seconds would be tremendous. "Welcome to AEW... (drumroll) JUSTIN CREDIBLE!" I wouldn't mind her tiny stature if she was jacked at all but she doesn't look like she could really fight anyone. I want to believe but it's a big stretch whenever I watch her. At least Rey had some muscle even in his pre-WWE days.
  18. They turned the new Crews character up to 10 quicker than they did Muhammad Hassan. I guess Social Acceleration is real.
  19. Wow, I forgot the Tag Title match in my card order. Well shit, like I said in the other thread I don't care about anything the Bucks do so at least I'm consistent. This main event is going to be awful. It was already going to be bad given the hardcore limitations and Moxley always having the same brawl-y match but now I'm actively dreading it. Do we need thirty minutes plus for something that has a foregone conclusion as it is? Lord do I wish this promotion would stop doing dumb stuff but including entrances and postmatch revelry that main event is going to push a full hour.
  20. My ideal match order: Street Fight Page/Hardy Ladder Match Women's Match Tag Battle Royal Best Friends/Miro n' Kip Exploding Barbed Wire Deathmatch
  21. Implying a long night reminds me, is it going to be three or four hours long? Fingers crossed for three, I can't remember which PPV it was (I don't think it was their last but the one before), however it went nearly four hours and dragged terribly by the end. I'd rather be able to care about a goddamn Exploding Anything match by the time it rolls around. The street fight should be the opener, now that I think about it. There's a street fight, a ladder match, and a deathmatch on the same card and they're going to have to space them out or we will be burned out by the main event.
  22. I really shouldn't have watched the Bucks promo back-to-back with the backstage segment after the FTR/Tully match. It's highly appreciated that they helped ensare a money mark to create a whole new national promotion but I don't fucking care about anything they do. They don't look credible, I watch their matches with a morbid dread that someone's going to kick out of taking an artillery shell to the gut, and if that was their go-home promo then holy shit. They can't even pull off LOOKING angry, much less sounding it. Shoot-y crap doesn't work if you don't already have a decent foundation for its delivery. I mean, these two assholes fucked up your father! PAPA BUCK~ and all that, he even gets a gimmick name! Why are you saying catty shit? I get mad at this stuff because I WANT this promotion to succeed but fucking hell.
  23. I'm a touch surprised that AEW didn't have a lot of shit up shortly after the show on YouTube. I missed the whole thing and even now, as we're at lunchtime the next day, I can't see half of what everyone is talking about. They certainly had the important clips up quickly (Shaq clips) but for a go-home show you think they'd want to get things up quicker. EDIT: But why would they bother? Their fans already all know what happened on the show! HOW DO YOU GET NEW FANS DAMMIT
  24. See, I almost threw out the idea of a group of undefined fanatics fighting Retribution for further undefined reasons but Vince has no idea on how to book that kind of shit. We'd get SLAPJACK~ being buried by Lars Sullivan in a surprise return.
  25. Don't worry everyone, Goldberg will be back soon enough to take the strap. For real though, I look very much forward to a legit McIntyre/Lashley HOSS FIGHT~ at Wrestlemania. Gonna be a lot of BEEF out there. This could have been said months ago, but boy is Retribution a joke. Why would an anti-authority group agree to be lumberjacks? Merely saying "Slapjack" out loud still makes me laugh every time.
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