Technico Support

It’s best to not think too hard about the logic of “television championships” in 2022. ?

If Vince hadn’t retired in disgrace, he’d be hiring Luther based on pics alone, like when he rehired Test.

It’s just amazing to me that Punk, who was always seen as anti-establishment, Indy first, DIY, blah blah blah, has become the same old carny shithead we’ve always seen throughout the history of wrestling, right down to the stupid belief that you haven’t done shit in this business unless you’ve made it in New York. Who in the mid 2000s, watching Punk on the indies, would have been able to call that? Who would have figured Punk for a “pull up the ladder” type? Shit’s wild.

The state of wrestling "news" is a microcosm for today's news in general. Some dude speculated something, and then questionable newz sites created articles out of whole cloth and advertised them with gotcha headlines? Sounds about right. I read one of these "Bucks put out feelers to WWE" stories yesterday and and was literally three paragraphs of absolute bullshit. I was frankly impressed by the writer's ability to write so much and say so little. It's a talent, I guess.

My first show was a WWF card in January of 86 in Baltimore. 4 jobber matches, Hogan vs Beefcake for the title, then 2 JTTS matches. No idea how I am still a fan today after such an inauspicious start. I don't recall people smoking in the arena but it was a time where my parents, etc. all smoked in grocery stores and theaters, so I'm sure there was plenty of smoking happening at the ol' Civic Center. Years later, I attended a monster truck rally in the same building and there was a big announcement that there was no smoking allowed and I was like, "this whole deal is the equivalent of being locked in a garage with the car running, what does it matter?"

It was funny to me that the story had been "Claudio has never won a world title" but Excallibur had to be pedantic on Rampage and say "Claudio has never won a major world title" because Claudio is, of course, a former PWG world champion ? (P.S. don't tell anybody that the PWG world title has been defended in more countries than the AEW belt)

I you have IWTV, check out any of Paradigm Pro's UWFI rules shows/matches. They're pretty cool. Just ignore the obvious logic holes created by a company that holds both UWFI and traditional rules matches, sometimes on the same show. They also have a gimmick called "Terminal Combat," where, IIRC, a match starts as UWFI rules and, if it goes past a time limit, becomes a no dq deathmatch instead.

Almost the same! I haven't played a Zelda game since the first one.

Finally finishing Wrestlemania 5! Duggan vs Bad News Nothing much to say about this at all. It's a sub four minute clubbering sprint in the death spot (fuck, damn near the whole show is the death spot). On a show where a Bushwacker grabbed a Rougeau's dick, almost as homoerotic is Bad News reaching deep into Duggan's tights to grab his waistband so he could, I guess, get some leverage for his gut punches? It looked like he was fishing around for Hacksaw's 1x2. Finish comes when Bad News goes for the never before seen RUNNING ENZUGIRI. WTF?????? Duggan ducks and hits a three point stance clothesline. Brown rolls out of the ring and no sells the whole deal, grabbing a chair to engage in a chair vs 2x4 duel to a double DQ. Red Rooster vs Bobby Heenan Taylor has fullly bought into the gimmick, styling his hair with red spikes, bobbing his head like a rooster, and doing the cockadoodledoo. It's awful. Heenan comes to the ring with The Brooklyn Brawler is and selling, or most likely legit suffering from, a shoulder injury from his earlier run-in with the Warrior where good ol' UW dropped him with less care than you'd exhibit for a bag of mulch. Match goes 31 seconds and ends with Heenan missing a corner charge (awesome bump off that!) and Taylor immediately getting the pin. Brawler and Taylor fight after the bell to setup a house show program that no doubt set the world on fire. Talylor went on to do just about nothing after getting this amazing gimmick and left the company less than a year later. What's really crazy is that he had two WWF runs and two WCW runs between 1988 and 1994. So four separate runs in two companies in the span of six years. Wrestling needs more guys just jumping back and forth like crazy and fewer non-competes. The Mega Powers EXPLODE LOOOOL of course Randy enters first! Savage is sporting a whole-ass BANDAGE on his arm. Google tells me it was a bursa sac infection that he refused to get proper treatment for because he had to make this match. I'm seriously surprised Hogan didn't inflate the legend of this as follows: Step 1: Randy had a nasty infection but left the hospital because he had to make the match with the Hulkster, dude. Step 2: Randy had no control of his arm and the Hulkster had to carry the match, brother. Meltzer gave it 16 stars. Step 3: Randy had his arm amputated before the match, jack, I tore every muscle in my glutes carrying him, and we still went out there an worked a 55 minute near broadway. Meltzer gave it 56 stars. Step 4: Randy died shortly after the match, brother. RIP, Macho. -HH Good enough match for what it was. Meltzer actually gave it 2.75, which sounds right. I stumbled upon a Reddit discussion of this one (I accidentally Googled "reddt wrestlemania 5" instead of "wikipedia wrestlemania 5") where someone said it was 2.75 as a standalone match but, as part of a story, felt more like 3+, which sounds right as well. Hogan no-sells the flying elbow, Hulks up, and wins it. This was the first time I recall seeing Hogan do that. Yes, he always hulked up and won, but this was the first time he'd specifically kill a guy's finish first. I guess they wanted something big for Mania and for this story. It went on to become a standard thing, though, which kinda sucks. Regarding Savage's title reign: it was kinda lame. I don't know if Vince booked to soothe Hogan's insecurities, or to hedge against Savage becoming too popular when he knew Hogan was getting it back and, thus, needed to still be seen as the top guy, or both, but Savage was booked as a second banana his whole reign. He never ever felt like the top guy in the company. Hogan helped him win the belt at Mania 4, fought his battle for him at SummerSlam (with both guys wearing Hogan gear!), saved his ass at Survivor Series, and threw him out of the Rumble. I loved the angle of Savage losing his mind over jealousy and blowing up his friendship, but what if the angle had instead been "I'm the fucking champion and you've been stealing my spotlight for a year!" Of course, that would have made Hogan the heel. ? It didn't matter in the end, as this was a legendary story and made money, but man, this reign little brothered Savage and made him less consequential while he was supposed to be the champion of the world. Okay guys, Summerslam 89 is next! Thanks again for reading.

This is why you can't trust RT in general. The incels review bomb anything that's not white and male, or can be construed as "woke" (which is redundant, as seemingly their definition of "woke" = anything where the hero isn't a white male and/or anything with any kind of inclusivity). It's not transphobic if the joke is on the transphobes. Fuck, I just went off on people being anti-woke, but people who take pro-woke so far that they don't understand comedy are pretty bad, too. If you make a something-phobic joke at the expense of the something-phobes, then you're not being whatever-phobic. I don't even agree with the idea that there is trans subtext here but even if there is, the idea is that Thor is a buffoon. A well meaning buffoon, but a buffoon just the same. If this is a trans joke, they're attacking the people who don't get it, not the trans people. You always punch UP. Claiming this is anti-trans would be like saying Johhny's act in Cobra Kai is sexist. AND if there is trans subtext here, then Thor being a clueless dolt is fine because he accepts Astrid in the end (see "well-meaning buffoon"). BUT I took the whole deal as it's stated in point three. This is a case of a kid choosing his own badass name to rebel. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. I remember in Infinity War, the Russos brought Gunn in to at least advise on, maybe even direct, the key Guardians scene in order to make sure they got the tone right. Probably should have done that here. Previz stuff is so fun. Shit, I enjoyed the pirated workprint of X-Men Origins: Wolverine much more than the released film. When Liev Schreiber touches a window and then, written on the print for all to see, is "CLAWS GO HERE," that's gold. Shit, every VFX-heavy movie should have its previz version as a special feature for movie dorks like me.

If I may put on my Dr. Sidney M. Basil hat for a sec, it seems JR's constant preemptive defense against these imaginary people who are always calling wrestling phony comes from his own unacknowledged disdain for it.

Fuck, now all I can think of is "I'm dyin' in this country ass motherfucker."

Continuing Wrestlemania 5! The Hart Foundation vs The Proto Rhythm and Blues So just to get timelines straight, HTM & Valentine teamed here just as a makeshift team to further the Jimmy vs Harts feud. Then they split up to work with Snuka (HTM) and Garvin (Valentine). THEN late in the year, reunited as Rhythm and Blues. Whew. Bret has switched from Ray Bans to mylar shades. Really good sub-eight-minute match. Bret, Honky, and Valentine (in that descending order) are great at what they do, and don't sleep on Neidhart as a perfectly good powerhouse and hot tag. Honky out here selling atomic drops like he and Rude made a bet backstage. I know I say it every time, but god dammit everything Bret does is so fucking smooth. Finish is really out of nowhere. Anvil chases Jimmy on the outside. Jimmy leaves his megaphone on the apron. HTM goes for it but Anvil throws it to Bret, who gloms Honky with it for the win. Really unexpected and abrupt. Still, excellent match with some real top-notch pros out there showing what you can still do with limited time. I recommend it. Ultimate Warrior (c) vs Rick Rude First, they show a recap of the posedown from the Royal Rumble (which I FFWD'd in my Rumble viewing), where Rude attacked Warrior and then Warrior lost his shit on the refs & agents. I'm astounded by how careless Warrior is with the agents in the ring (including Nick Bockwinkel who must be thrilled to have to sell for this choad). He's really throwing dudes with little concern for their safety. A harbinger of things to come. FUUUUUUUCK. Is there anyone in wrestling who achieved greater heights with so little in-ring skill than Warrior? I didn't remember him being this terrible so maybe he gets better? He's so bad here. So bad. The entire babyface shine is just lazy, Muraco-style turnbuckle whips and bear hugs. Warrior gets on offense, whips Rude from one corner, to the other, back again, and back again, like 4-5 times. Then he bearhugs him. WUT. It's crazy: Rude cuts him off briefly, but then Warrior gets back on offense...only to go to another bearhug. Fuck me. God bless Rick Rude. He's just bumping, selling, and stooging his ass off in a yeoman's effort to make this watchable. He was so fucking good. I legit LOL'd when, after having his back worked over, he tried for a hip swivel and sold not being able to do it because of the beating. What a god damn showman. Rest in peace. I hope he's in the afterlife telling those fat, out of shape, Valhalla sweathogs to keep the noise down so he can show the seraphim what a real man looks like. I swore, even back then, that Rude's airbrushed cartoon Warrior design on his tights was from an issue of Mad Magazine. I know I remember seeing that. Warrior is so fucking careless, clumsy, and downright WEAK it's shameful. In one scary spot, he picks up Rude for a backbreaker and hits it. Then he tries to do another one, almost drops Rude (who grabs Warrior and physically lifts himself back up to save himself), then stumbles all the way across the ring into the ropes while barely holding Rude. That could have been bad. Those muscles were definitely for show, not for go. This shit legit had me Googling why bodybuilders aren't strong. Match ends when Warrior tries to suplex Rude back into the ring, Heenan hangs onto his leg, and Rude "falls on top of Warrior" for the pin. In reality, Warrior lost control of Rude AGAIN and shoot brain bustered the guy. FUCK. Rude was so lucky not to be injured there. Rude runs off with the belt while weak-ass Warrior struggles to press slam Heenan, though Heenan is fully cooperating, then drops Bobby all cattywompus and out of control, causing him to land right on his shoulder instead. Trump, at ringside, would go on to emulate Warrior's political views and eloquent promo style. Terrible match by a guy who had no business in the ring, except the size queen in charge is desperate for another sexy muscle boy to replace the current aging muscle boy. I need to shout out Jesse and GAH-RELLA (As Jesse says it) again here. They're so good on commentary, as somewhere in here they playfully snipe each other over their advanced age for like the 14th time on the show. Three matches to go! Lucky for my sanity, the last two undercard matches barely pass four minutes combined. Maybe I can knock it all out tonight.

Dax's "I LUV THIS BUSINESS AND YOU BETTER NOT TAKE FOOD OUT OF MAH FAMLEE'S MOUTH" act is getting really tired, though. But his role as tag team main eventer who is also a singles JTTS guaranteed to give you a good singles match when you need him is interesting.

Also, regular teams should rarely lose to two singles wrestlers who aren’t a team.

Bioshock 1: Great! Bioshock 2: Didn’t finish it. Bioshock infinite: Incredible story and atmosphere. Not so great gameplay (too many battles, which was wayyyy different from the rest of the series).

It was the obscure “Tossed Salad Deathmatch.” The guy in the red and blue tights had a count of three to get that Moondog’s face out of his ass, so he lost.

A lot of her other matches are shorter, taped, or both.

He said “any wrestler who tells you ‘I’m not in it for the money’ is an idiot.” Way to dismiss anyone who might dare to actually value pro wrestling as something more than just a con to separate the marks from their money. Wednesday, we got this beautiful, inspiring promo from Mox all about the love of wrestling. Friday, we get a bitter old carny spouting ugly, cynical bullshit. JR has seriously got to go. You know if some QB for The bah gawd Sooners talked about how he does it for the love of footbaw and not the money, Ross would pop a chub right there. Dude just hates wrestling and looks at it as no more than a phony con.

Fun episode of Marty & Sarah Love Wrestling this week, getting the perspective of two current friends of Colt (and obviously former friends of Punk).

Wrestlemania 5, the ultimate viewing endurance test, rolls on. Sweet Jesus. Dino Bravo vs Ron Garvin FUCK, dudes, Dino Bravo is massive. His home is definitely filled with PEDs and black market smokes. Speaking of criminals, Jimmy Snuka is introduced and he greets the crowd because he's making a comeback. He resists the urge to murder 2-3 women on the way to the ring. Jimmy is only in his mid-40s here but looks probably 10 years older. The wrestling life, drugs, and murder will do that to a guy. I guess they're running low on time on this Bataan Death March of a PPV because there's no shine, just Bravo jumping Ron at the bell as they immediately go to the heat. Hey guys, how about doing better matches instead of filling your PPV with lower midcard dudes working each other in meaningless, short matches that nobody wants to see? I know, I know, it was a different time and two name guys just wrestling each other instead of jobbers was a big deal. Garvin makes a bit of a comeback. Guys under 300 pounds should never do big splashes. It just looks weird. Not a bad match, just nothing to it, like most of the bouts on this show. Bravo cuts off a Garvin 10 punch in the corner with an inverted atomic drop, then hits the side slam for the win. Garvin gloms Dino from behind like the Quebec mob did, then stomps out Frenchy for good measure to defend the good ol' US of A as we're supposed to forget Ron is from Montreal, too. Speaking of which, is Ron Garvin being Jimmy Garvin's IRL stepdad but gimmick brother the weirdest wrestling family thing? Brainbusters vs Strike Force Fuck yes Tully and Arn out there doing Tully and Arn things. This is a match they could do in their sleep. I swear Arn whispered, "just pretend they're Punky and Hoot and go with it." Martel is back from [IRL wife's illness] [kayfabe back injury] and looking jacked as fuck, like there's a singles push in his future. The shine is wayyyy too short for my tastes as these are four great tag team guys I wish would have had more time. Instead, Tito accidentally hits Martel, who then leaves his partner high and dry. The Brainbusters seem to beat on Tito two on one much longer than any other segment in the match, ending with a sweet spike piledriver. Good match while the good stuff lasted before giving way to all storyline. Another short waste of all talent involved on a card full of that. Hogan cuts a promo about worrying about the support infrastructure of Trump Tower and, knowing what I know now about the way he paid his contractors, I'd worry, too. Donald is furiously yelling into his massive 80s cell phone trying to add "Mega Powers Exploding" coverage so he can con the insurance company. Jake vs Andre Holy fuck this is bad. Again, heel attacks babyface to skip right to the heat. BUT they somehow still give this about 10 minutes. I won't lie, I FFWD'd through a big chunk of this as it was just Andre slowly, clumsily beating on Jake. DiBiase steals Damian and has a really hard time running with the bag. I LOL. Jake chases him down, takes the bag back and DiBiase just kind of stands there. I guess they were setting something up for the house shows but it was so awkward. Meanwhile, Andre attacks Studd for the DQ and Jake runs him off with the snake. Awful. It was a little tough to watch the "Andre/Studd arguing" interactions knowing what an awful person Andre was to Studd, which led him to quit during his first run. I mentioned it after the Rumble, but what a weird second run for Studd. Back in December. Wins the Rumble. No match at Mania, just a ref spot. Quits in June. Five matches left, guys! We can do it! Fuck.

I need to change my board avatar to Panama Jack.

Crazy timing mentioning Jams, as I just found myself thinking about them this week after forgetting them for a few decades! I saw a guy in Jams a few days ago. I'd forgotten all about them despite having many pairs of them as a kid. Jams, OP, and Panama Jack were my shit.

And honestly, that was only because 1) it was needed to advance the Daniels/Jericho/Garcia storyline and 2) it was in Garcia's hometown. This is absolutely "title as a prop" and not "title as the main focus."

Funny how he was doing business and teaching these young geeks how to be professional while being as unprofessional as you could be. It’s like when I yell at my kid WHY ARE YOU YELLING? Except I have the self awareness to realize how dumb I’m being.