Fuzzy Dunlop

'Hey, Jack, you want me to take time out of my busy schedule of throwing O'Driscoll carcasses off cliffs, joyriding on stolen trains and shooting blind fortune tellers in the head from point blank range with a shotgun to take you fishing?' 'Okay, well, I'll just sit here bitching and whining about how boring it is in the most irritating voice imaginable.' 'Fuck you, Jack, you little shit. I should throw you off a damn cliff.'

I just shoot the blind dudes. Because I'm a sick fuck.

Also, as someone who isn't the biggest gamer in the world and who, the last GTA apart, hasn't played a game as much since the last Red Dead but who is completely engrossed by this one, I love the shit out of these random little stories from this thread. I'm so totally looking forward to coming across a KKK meeting so I can kill the fuck out of those fuckers.

So, yeah, I tried to be a nice guy, I tried to play by the rules. I mean, I paid all my bounties and I'm trying not to kill random fuckers now but that's just not as much fun. If you're not the meanest fucker around, what's the point? Ain't no-one want to be the guy who gives random stranger ladies a ride back to their camp and shit. I have a really rather perverse interest in killing fuckers and then dumping their carcasses off a cliff. I've lost count of the amount of O'Driscoll bodies I've threw the fuck off the side of a cliff. But, fuck them, they deserved it.

Also, I killed this one guy on a horse carriage, rob him then stab one of the horses, they end up fleeing towards a cliff. I go back to them, stab another horse and all four horses and the carriage go careering off the damn cliff. Total horse carnage. Darndest thing I ever saw since the last darndest thing I saw in this game.

Yeah, I'm pretty much fucked with all these bounties I've racked up because I'm an idiot. So, I'm doing one of the stranger missions where you have to collect photos of the gunslingers and I kill the one dude on top of the train but then I go and shoot the fucking train driver, steal the train and joyride around half the fucking map in this train. I mean, it was a great way to see the world but every new place the train went into I got another bounty because I was on a STOLEN FUCKING TRAIN. Idiot. It also doesn't help that I can't help killing and robbing random fuckers. I was already a wanted man in Valentine but I tried to go in the saloon when three O'Driscolls were at the entrance and told me to walk away so, being the bigger man, I turned around and walked away but then one of the bastards called me a 'yellow belly' and ain't no motherfucker call Arthur Morgan a yellow belly. Stopped short like I was in an actual Western film, turned around, killed those 3 suckers dead. The lawmen descend on me, shoot the fuck out of me after my horse kicks me off him and that's more dollars lost that I need to pay off bounties. So, yeah, at the minute, I'm doing hunting and treasure maps and shit to make some money because I can't go anywhere without 6 bounty hunters and 3 dogs tearing me a new asshole. And it's all my fault. This game fucking rules.

Well, he told his daughter unicorns were real so that's something at least, I guess. I've used 'bashed' way too often after watching it too. I should really hunt down The Magician on Amazon or whatever.

I am unnervingly displeased that you can't skin human beings I also shot a dog who barked at me funny. But I didn't kill it, I just let it scamper off into the woods to die slow in insufferable pain. I mean, strangers and pigs are fair game but dogs? I love dogs. I think there might be something wrong with me.

Sorry I can't remember who exactly it was but thank you to the dudes who were talking about Mr. Inbetween on here recently. Holy shit, what a show. So that's Mr. Inbetween, Atlanta, Killing Eve, Barry and The Good Place I've watched this year specifically based on users on this very forum talking about them. The internet is good for things other than dick pics and cat videos, I guess.

So, yeah, within the space of 5 minutes, I killed two strangers and then dumped both their bodies off a cliff. I then killed a farmer and dumped his body in with his pigs in the hope the pigs would eat his body. When that didn't happen, I killed all his pigs, picked up the dead farmer's body, dumped him in his barn and then set his barn on fire. I never knew I was so fucked up. If I was in Westworld, I guess I'd be a murderous psychopath.

I burned through Maniac over the last few days. I've seen it accused of being overly sentimental. Is that a bad thing? I don't know. Jonah Hill I'm not a particularly big fan of but I loved the shit out of Emma Stone and Justin Theroux knocked it out of the fucking park. Yeah, it's sentimental at times but it's also funny and clever and, yeah, I dunno, I really quite liked it. My wife continues to hate watch American Horror Story, I watched the first episode of the new series with her and, holy fuck, that show is horrendous but still she perseveres with it even though it's fucking shite. I've watched episodes here and there down the years and, fuck, is it always that bad? Is your significant other watching pish like that grounds for divorce? Okay, I'm kidding and don't tell her I said that. She's been liking The Sopranos since I started re-watching it so she's not a lost cause yet, I guess. But still...American Horror Story? Fucking hell.

To be fair, if his name was Sam Allardycé and not Sam Allardyce, he'd be managing Barcelona or Real Madrid...according to him, anyway. Remember when Mourinho got the job and pretty much every single United fan (of which I am one), be it man, woman, child or alien, predicted it would go exactly the way it's heading now? He is poisonous. There's all this talk about Pogba because he changes his hair and does Instagram posts but there's also no question that the right manager would get the best out of him. And it's an entertainment business; United fans are looking at City or Liverpool and seeing what they're doing and then they're served up that utter shite at United? Yeah...nope.

The best thing about only recently watching the first series of Get Shorty is I didn't have to wait long for the second series. God damn I love the everliving shit out of this show. Chris O'Dowd remains my man crush, I love him almost as much as Amara loves (well...loved, I guess?) her little Ricky. It's up there with Barry, Killing Eve and the second series of Atlanta as the best show I've watched this year.

Oh, Jesus, fuck yes, I legit laughed for about 4 days straight at that line. ♪South of the border, down Mexico way. South of the border, where the tuna fish play♪

Yeah, from what I can remember, it would have likely have been her testifying against Tony with the stolen airline tickets thing. I don't think she's in the 2nd series that much if I remember right but, good fuck, she dominates the first series.

So, yeah, I'm re-watching The Sopranos from the beginning again because why not, eh? I hadn't watched it in maybe 10 years but, man, after finishing the first series last night, 20 or so years since it first aired (and now we feel old as fuck), it holds up so fucking well. It's still one of the best first series I've ever seen; you forget just how many of the best lines and scenes are in those first 13 episodes. And, good God, it bears repeating...Nancy F'n Marchand. She is hysterical and deplorable and the best and the worst. Junior and Livia are one of TV's most underrated double acts in all their horrible, horrible, hilarious glory. She stirs the shit and manipulates Junior into putting a hit out on her own friggin' son without actually explicitly saying it and then immediately fakes a bout of dementia when the hit goes wrong. She threatened to stab her own children in their sleep when they were young. She is truly history's greatest mother.

Just because there has to be a pernickety forum guy in every thread...the guy in that tank top isn't actually Martin Kemp... I know this because, um, my mum told me. Yeah, that must be it.

Proceeds to be consistently super creepy about Taylor Swift... Yeah, Reputation ain't half the album 1989 is but Delicate and New Year's Day are legit fucking great. That being said, Dua Lipa's IDGAF is clearly the best pop song released all year.

I was a little too late for Hogan and Warrior so they were never really my bag, I didn't start watching until I was 7 in 1992 and, when I did, Sting was my guy. I mentioned it in the RIP Vader thread but, at that age, I honestly believed Big Van Vader was the most terrifying man on the planet and was going to literally murder Sting and I literally shit in my pants which was normal for me at that age but still. Anyway, shitting in my pants was enough to hook me in and 26 years later I'm still a fan but not as much as a fan as I used to be because life takes over and that. I don't watch anywhere near the amount of wrestling as I used to.

Wait a second, you mean when a newbie starts in my office and they're being introduced to everyone on their first day, I can't just whip out my todger and then try to shake their hand with my dick hand? So THAT's why I was sacked from my last job.

Alexis Sanchez might well have had the lowest pass completion I've ever seen a top level professional footballer have in last night's match. It was diabolical.

Imagine in your own place of work, an office say, dudes were randomly shitting on other dude's belongings. You came back to your desk after lunch and there was a turd on your mouse mat. That'd be swell, wouldn't it? Wrestlers are fucking weird, man. But we knew that already, I guess.

Castle Rock had my curiosity but then it had my attention. Shit, I don't know if it's good, bad or indifferent; all I know is the 1st episode drew me in and then Jane Levy showed up in it and, yes, I am that fickle. I'll keep watching. Partly, but not all, because of Jane Levy.

Meanwhile, at Man United... Fucking hell. Here's a list of 87 centre backs, go sign one of them and then...fucking hell. If Mourinho is still manager there at Christmas, colour me surprised. And, shit, there's still a couple more weeks for him to offload Martial even though Martial is my dude and fuck this whole football thing.

Holy shit, was literally just thinking about that. I think he might have been secretly recorded saying that shit too, right? Just backs up the Hulkster's view that you can be a despicable piece of shit but don't get caught being a despicable piece of shit, brother. I seem to remember about that too, Linda Hogan on a news show wailing like a banshee saying John Graziano's mother didn't know true pain like she knew true pain essentially because poor wittle Nicky Wicky was sentenced to 8 months and John Graziano was only very seriously injured with life changing brain damage.