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1001 MATCHES: First and Last

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If you want to experience the full weirdness of Tanaka-Awesome, find the version of the show where the commentary track is audio of JBL's viewing experience from the balcony. 

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JBL has some running alternative track commentary on the ECW One Night Stand DVD released in stores today. It's commentary from him while he watched the show from the balcony. Orlando Jordan also slips in a number of comments. Both were in heel anti-ECW mode.

 He keps on calling Mike Awesome: "Mike Awful."

 As Masato Tanaka comes out, JBL yells five or six times: "THATS MY DOORMAN!"

 As Tommy Dreamer comes out, he says, "This is the main event??"

 As Sandman looks under the ring: "What's he looking for now, a treadmill?" "Or an oxygen tank!"

 As the BWO comes out: "And you wonder they they went out of business"

 About Blue Meanie: "Fat f--- with blue hair. Go find your porn star wife!"

 About Meanie as he's dancing on the middle rope: "It looks like a onkey screwing a basketball, him being up there. Go donate your body to science fiction, you fat lowly lowly (yes, he says it twice) pig. e looks like a blue haired 800 pound Abe Lincoln."

 As Big Stevie Cool is giving his speech: "Go home now."

 As Kash comes down: "This is a carnival."

 On Balls: "They're chanting balls" and then chants along with them saying "balls" approximately 100 times before saying, "You know if you really beat someone, you lick them. Does this mean you lick balls."

 On Axl: "Has anyone heard of the Atkins diet"

 On Balls & Axl (this is funny because of Johnny Ace's interest in signing them): "Who are the fat guys who came in?"

 On the main event: "This could be awful, but it might not be good. I gotta be drunk for this one."

 Regarding Mike Awesome: "Someone run in make Awesome use one of his 93 finishers..."

 When Lance Storm runs in: "You can hear the paint dry. Here comes the most boring man in the history of boring. Lance Storm couldn't fill an arena if you gave free beer and free tickets. They say he's retiring today, (mumbled) if a tree falls in a forrest, no one cares. National Hockey League. No one cares."

 Lance gets thrown out: "Is his career over now? Bye Lance, don't come back."

 As the flaming table gets lit: "Now that's heat! Is there not a fire marshall in the New York state watching this?"
 

 

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