DEATH VALLEY DRIVERETTE 08072015! IF YU DNT LK MR GNNESKE, GO FCK YRSLF

[DEAN]

THIS IS YOUR DEATH VALLEY DRIVERETTE for 08072015!  

(These are all part of the upcoming DEATH VALLEY DRIVER VIDEO REVIEW #173 w/ RIPPA reviewing PPVs with lots and lots of dead guys.  Stay off the steroids, kids.)

 

Two matches! 80 minutes! 

 

~!~

 

 

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ANGEL de ORO vs POLVORA- CMLL- 7/28/2015- [RASMUSSEN]; ALSO MR GANNESUKE vs Daisuke:  Ha!  I spent yesterday dividing the wrestling wheat from the wrestling chaff just so I don't end up reviewing 12 matches in a row that SUCK IT~!- so, of course, I felt weird about the lack of spontaneity of that process THUS I decided to review two matches that I have been saving and not actually watching because for whatever reason they are both 40 minutes long.  THUSLY, I get to experience them as I write about them and I can also get them off my fucking Watch Later lists- which is 90% of wrestling viewing, being able to say you saw it((the other 10% is the wrestling you actually are actively excited about.)))  Since I don't actually ever want to spend 80 minutes watching wrestling ever- especially where there is only one wrestler that I  have a definite idea of their value in the ring; and of these four,  it's Mr Gannesuke and I haven't seen him have a good in 15 years and I've seen him have possibly two matches since then, I have my fears and reservations.  But HEY! maybe if you give him 40 minutes to work, all the old magic will come back!  I sure fucking hope so because I'm pushing 50 and I can't really be wasting solid blocks of time on crappy bullshit.  One could say that wrestling itself is crappy bullshit and I say to you, Mr Straw Man That I Created To Hit With My Cyber LARIAT, FUCK YOU RIGHT IN YOUR STRAW HINDER HOLE!  Only 95% of wrestling is unwatchable bullshit. So here is hoping that GUTS WORLD can actually bring in and land a match in the top 5%.  Jesus, the more I write about it and think about it, the more impossible it sounds. Luckily! I have no idea who this Daisuke character is- so I checked his Cagematch.net profile and this gets to looking like an even crappier gamble of my time.  He is a GUTS WORLD PRO WRESTLING guy and he is their mighty champion!  His matches on the matchlist are in the same zany circle of the indies that the FREEDOMS~! guys populate- your STYLE-E, your HEAT UP, your Dotonbori Pro supercards.  Also, it looks like he wrestles on average 3 times a month tops.  This could mean a couple of things:  He has a real full time job that pays actual money and it limits his wrestling because of time constraints and thus, he is secretly the owner of GUTS WORLD- with Guts Ishijima as a mere figurehead, A STINKIN' FIGUREHEAD!, of the GWPW empire- a Guts Tunney if you will; OR he is like Mr Gannesuke and is blackballed from wrestling a lot of places for reasons never explained to me (or he is part of the reason Gannesuke is blackballed? The speculation is probably limited to me and 217 people who have actually watched all or part of this match); OR he is like our boy from Apache Pro/FMW Restart, HASEGAWA, who wrestles like 40 times a month but they are such... questionable... promotions and skeezy cards that even the psychotic, overly-detail-obsessed freaks at Cagematch.net don't even track them.  It happens.  HASEGAWA has been wrestling for fifteen-ish years now prolly (if my memory of the Apache Pro timeline is correct)and has no English-language presence in the on-line wrestling community, and yet he has video evidence of being in the ring with some of the big boys of Japanese wrestling- including the match he last posted, where he and W*ING/SOCIAL motherfucking PROGRESS WRESTLING FEDERATION veteran Hiroshi Shimada took on two non-descript indie guys in parking lot.  But there is no evidence of that show anywhere on the internet (and why should there be?  I don't think Cagematch or PuroLove- or any of the other go-to sites for research, document the results of the equivalent of a county fair.)  So yeah, we're banking on the Japanese equivalent of a ECWA undercard guy to go 40 minutes with Gannesuke- who is two years younger than me.  And my toes hurt when I lay down. So what I'm getting to is that the gimmick of this review is that I'm just going to watch both of these at the same time and see if I can keep track.  I will rewind if I miss a guy who is suddenly spewing blood and I miss the reason or they suddenly stretcher a guy out and I missed the part where lands on the floor on his shoulder wrong.  The other match in this digest of wrestling that should scare me for investing so much time is the preposterously long title match between Angel de Oro and Polvora.  I know that I used to confuse Angel de Oro as Valiente some how- they have similar masks and Valiente has a similar build if you combined Angel de Oro with his washer and dryer.  Polvoro I've seen wrestle a thousand times but he is always the other guy wrestling when I was interested in three other guys in the match.  AND THEY ARE GOING 40 FUCKING MINUTES!  The upside of this is that I'm pretty sure that I will be the only person on this earth to have actually watched both of these matches by the time I finish, so I will always have that.  Okay, enough writecrastinating.  Gannesuke is 36:27 which I'm assuming has extra time for Japanese indie hugs.  Angel de Oro is 39:53 and I assume there will be 5 minutes of ring girls taunting me about my age and impending impotence.  I will not type the crying.  Gannesuke is Dailymotion so I will get to really concentrate on the 20 minutes of matwork in the Oro match in-between the commercials every five minutes and the predicted two computer restarts when Dailymotion freezes up my spare laptop.  AND GO! Polvora has a cool mask, Mr Gannesuke has an awesome floral robe.  Daisuke looks like a generic NOAH junior heavyweight but we'll see.  Oro and Polvora take it to the mat immediately and its actually pretty slick and quick like good lucha matwork has to be.  Mr G locks up and they are definately setting up for going long as he drives him into the ropes and they break.  The Oro match is doing the same thing but with slightly quicker matwork, but Oro works a keylock while Daisuke hits a dropkick to start an armbar sequence that Mr G counters into a pinning predicament that Daisuke counters into a front face lock.  Meanwhile!  The luchadores are doing the extended knucklelock sequence with Oro doing the Santo staked head scissors thing to drive Polvora out the ring.  They tease a highspot but it is still way early.  They instead take it the the mat and Oro does a really nice preposterous lucha roll-up to take the first fall.  Over in Japan, Mr G is still working an armbar but they are doing a total 70's thing of actively working ever angle of the armbar as Daisuke counters into a kneebar.  So yeah, they are killing time until they can start beating each other to death.  But Daisuke is good at crushing Mr G's knee with elbow drops so he is familiar with old school psychology so that is surprising.  Over in Mexico, Oro hits a perfectly fine tope to crush Polvora against the rail- as Polvora takes a shoulder like a champ.  Mr G and Daisuke get back to a vertical base and they do a by-the-book headlock-head scissors sequence and you get a feeling that this would fit in at MUGA/Dradition show.  Or hell, a 1965 AWA main event. Oop, missed a fall in Mexico, I shall rewind.  Oro hits an awkward cross body and goes for the toprope something.  Polvora counters at the top and hits a Released Top Rope Sidewalk Slam for the second fall.  So now we get 27 minutes of a 3rd fall.  Over in Japan, GLORIOUSLY, Daisuke is STILL WORKING THE KNEE!  He is actually laying it in.  I dig this guy.  He deserves whatever IBM is paying him.  They go to the Daisuke figure four and Mr G sells it like he has trained 300 guys how to wrestle.  I dig this match.  Meanwhile, in Mexico, Polvora is beating on Oro and taunting the crowd for backing such a fucking loser!  "Did you shitty cross body block I had to sell!?!?" he screams! One would assume.  Mr G hits the ropes and collapses out of the ring to the floor.  Polvora baffles Oro by running the ropes slightly eccentrically and lands a SPEAR~! onto Oro for two.  Cavernerio Barbario is ontraged over something I missed and Oro hits a fucking beautiful Orihara Moonsault to the floor.  Mr G is on offense with a Ron Simmons catapult across the throat and THEN a Tully Blanchard RELEASED Hot Shot.  I hope for a shoe lace rake but instead he detaches the padding on the ring buckle.  Oro and Polvora do a bunch of really nice roll-ups as this is a perfectly fine, if underly violent lucha title match- with Oro helping his cause by doing lots of nice in-ring flying to add to his more spectacular high-flying.  I would assume that Polvora will begin beating the hell out of him at some point, but so far he is in this as he is in every other match in which I've seen him- invisible but not hindering the match.  (Here I take a moment to if I missed anything between Gannesuke going to the floor and going on offense.  And I didn't.  This match is fucking old school as hell.  Mr G shoulder blocks him in the stomach getting in and that's his transition to offense.  Daisuke is going to win this with an Airplane Spin if all of this is any indication. Both Mr G and Daisuke hit the exposed turnbuckle and it leads to Mr G driving him into the buckle again and thus the psychology of the match established at 18:32- Mr G will work the shoulder.  Mr G then works the shoulder.  In Mexico, at 18:52, Polvora hits a nasty backbreaker using the ropes to get a two count and both seconds are awesome being outraged at the ref.  Polvora hits a nice Lyger Bomb for two and I fear that there will be twenty minutes of nearfalls.  Dailymotion is just kinda stopping at 20 minutes for a moment en lieu of going to a commercial- THIS MATCH IS TOO IMPORTANT!  It's like soccer!  I assume a box will surround the outside screen with the Budweiser logo.  Mr G fights out of Daisuke's desperation arm bar and body slams Daisuke and works the shoulder some more by going into a LEGIT NWA Armbar where you grab the wrist and try to rip the shoulder apart by pushing off your opponents neck and ribs with your feet. This is becoming Stecher-Lewis 2015! Meanwhile, I miss three nearfalls in Mexico so I back it up a bit as Mr G mauls Daisuke's shoulder.  (I pause the Mr G match to get my bearings.) Oh man, nice lariat by Polvora for two.  Yeah, the replay shows that he layed it in and Oro leaned it to it.  For the title, DADDY!  Oro jawbreakers to TRANSITION~! and goes up top but plunges to the floor as Polvora catches him and pushes and then fucking crushes him with a SPECTACULAR toprope plancha to the floor.  Should your rudo smoke your technico's best highspot like acheap cigar?  It doesn't matter what we think because here we are and that's whatit was.  Oro tries to make up for it by fruitily embellishing a Flying Space Tiger Drop but all it does is LOSE to the plancha. Oro superkicks and mini-moonsaults Polvora and he is STILL being showed up by the plancha.  Polvora kicks out and hits a reverse Juvie Driver for two as DailyMotion craps out on cue at 23 minutes.  I find it again and Daisuke is hitting the ropes allowing Mr G to get up and stomp on his shoulder.  Mr Gannesuke FUCKING BULLDOGS THE SHOULDER like the motherfucking ANDERSEN BROTHERS!  I back this match 100%!  And he does it again!  This is some old school quality wrestling.  In Mexico, they do a quick Guerrero-Malenko roll-up sequence into a Polvora Surf Board until Oro hits the ropes.  Diasuke decides that the best way to beat 1960s Pro Style is with Strong Style and starts laying in the forearms.  He sells the shoulder before hitting the snap suplex and gets caught going up top but escapes the shoulder breaker attempt and goes for a lariat that crushes the ref.  Mr G gets the VISUAL PIN as this goes to an 80s WWF style match. In Mexico they are clotheslining each other and laying around the ring as if this is going..... Broadway?  Oro and Polvora fight at the top of the turnbuckle when Oro hits a Frankensteiner for two. Polvora stomps on his head and they do the Guerrero Malenko roll-up into a surfboard again.  Polvora escapes and the match has lapped itself.  They do an elaborate set up of Polvora hitting the toprope released sidewalk slam again.  Polvora gets up and goes to the toprope a third time, misses a splash and Oro wins with the surfboard.  I guess the fact that I didn't know that that was Oro's finisher made the lead up to the finish a little baffling.  It was a good match, I don't know if you need invest 32 minutes in it.  It was psychologically sound except for a few parts, and the ending was a bit of a mess.  Go watch the Kamaitachi/ Dragon Lee match instead- more spectacular and the rudo works stiffer.  Meanwhile back to the finish of our Japanese match. Lemme jump back to Mr G.  He gets the visual pin, notices the bumped ref is still out and throws Daisuke out of the ring- hitting a great dropkick through the ropes to keep him out of the ring.  The ref slowly comes aroun as Mr G stands in the middle of the ring and tries to suplex Daisuke in, but he escapes and hits a very nice Backdrop Driver on a the 47 year old Gannesuke and they lay there selling the accumulated damage.  Daisuke drops an elbow and hits a spinning senton to set up a Frogsplash for two- as this was like an Ode to Eddy Guerrero but nobody would kick out of Eddy's Frogsplash.  Daisuke hits a Tiger Driver for two and he goes for a Roaring Elbow that Mr G counters into a Fujiwara Armbar and then he hits a THIRD BULLDOG TO THE SHOULDER!  Daisuke tries to fight out a suplex attempt and Mr G turns into a full blown Fujiwara Armbar and this is soooo going Broadway.  Daisuke hits the ropes and Mr G drives him through the fricking mat with a GIGANTIC powerbomb.  Man, fuck the world, Mr Gannesuke still has the best looking offense.  Daisuke kicks out and hits a lariat eventually so they both lay there for a while.  Daisuke hits ten forearms and gets a two count.  He hits a legit straight up Falcon Arrow for two and hits a roaring elbow for two (I am now trying to remember Hisakatsu Ooya's finisher now), and then hits a Toprope Elbow for two.  Mr G crawls around as Daisuke sinks in the Full Nelson but Mr G hits the ropes.  Mr G is helpless against the ropes as Daisuke is landing running forearms.  Gannesukke tries a desperation suplex but Daisuke counters out and clamps in another Full Nelson and hits a BEAUTIFUL Dragon Suplex with a bridge for the win!  There is a lot to love in this match.  The first 25ish minutes is totally Tatsumi Fujinami versus Osamu Nishimura and the last ten was an Ode to FMW finishers.  The biggest upside was how fucking great Gannesuke looked in this.  The only downside is that there were way to many kick outs- especially after the psychology established in the first 25 minutes.  I really like how they built up to the finish so I can forgive that. I can't imagine anybody but me, BAHU and JT digging this match, but hell, it's your 36 minutes, what else you gonna do?           

The Puro:

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x2zdnx9_daisuke-c-vs-mr-gannosuke-guts-world_sport

 

The Lucha:

   

[DEAN]

Now edited to sound less stupid!

[J.T.]

Mr. Gannesuke is the last of the great Japanese super workers.  Awesome offense sold by the king sized psychology of being a total dick to his fellow man and wanting to kayfabe injure you in the best way.

 

How many heels can you count that can do convincing armwork and still come off as a complete douchebag?  How many of those heels don't have the last name Anderson?

 

Armwork is usually the realm of babyfaces.  Gannosuke can pull it off because he is Gannesuke and HE RULES~! 

 

As you said, the only thing I don't really like about that match is the abandoned psychology.  You can tell a story about protecting death moves or you can be the Man of Steel and kick out of everything shy of a kryptonite bullet to the dome.  Can't do both and expect the match to make sense. 

 

Of all the finishers to use after nearly having your shoulder popped out of the socket, Daisuke breaks out a Dragon Suplex,... It is a beast finish but it really does deviate from the script.  Gannesuke has the good taste to remember that he knee is on fire and doesn't kick out.

 

I still love that match, though.

 

IF U DNT LK MR. GNSSKE GO FCK URSLF.

[BAHU]

HASEGAWA has only been wrestling two years. He is just a guy that comes from a lot that became friends with Kanemura and the other Apache wrestlers.

 

Gannosuke was blackballed from other promotions after a conflict with Kanemura from 05-07. Kanemura and his guys would get booked by promotions like ZERO1 and Big Japan while Gannosuke had to settle for Dradition. Kanemura lost all that power after his sexual harassment and Gannosuke started to get booked by Apache Army/ZERO1 after that but he retired at the end of the year anyway. Gannosuke and Kanemura are okay now though.

 

Oya's finisher was the Backdrop Suplex and when he would team with Gannosuke they would have Gannosuke clothesline the guy while Oya delivered the Backdrop.