DEATH VALLEY DRIVERETTE 07232015! IF U DNT LK YUJI HINO, GO FK YRSLF!

[DEAN]

DEATH VALLEY DRIVERETTE 07232015

More EXPLORATION!

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SINGLES GOING STEADY

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HIROSHI YAMOTO/ HIROKI MURASE/ SHOTARO ASHINO vs RYOTA HAMA/ ANDY WU/ YUYA SUSUMU- WRESTLE-1- 7/4/2015- [RASMUSSEN]:  This is a mixture of guys I’ve seen, some guys I’ve seen but never paid attention to, and guys I’ve never seen.  Let’s see who leaves any kind of impression.  I am optimistic!  Wrestling is sometimes awesome!  Why not now?  WHY NOT?  Hiroshi Yamoto does cool mat things and Andy Wu is all high-flying early but even early on you and I are waiting.  Waiting for the big boy.  Waiting for the sweet sweet fatness to come crashing down.  We gloss over the perfunctory and perfectly well executed whatever they did and our mind starts to wander until THE TAG!   Our boy Hama uses his fat ass and otherly placed fat to crush youngster Ashino- including just rolling over top of him like Ashino was sitting on the porch and then cow falls off the roof onto him.  (The next review I do of Hama will have this same idiot joke but you get to look forward to a back story of how the cow got on the roof.  Actually, fuck it.   I got a few minutes.

 

A Cautionary Tale- How Mabel the Cow Ended Up on the Roof.  

 

He was the one.  He was the one I loved.  When I first met him, I didn't really think much about him.  We were both freshmen in the dorm,  He was a middling, off-beat good-looking Holstein from Earlesville.  He was about the humanities but wasn't really fired up and passionate about anything.  He was kind of already broken at 18.  It's not an attractive look but don't get me wrong, he was attractive.  I was a Guernsey raised in the big city and I would cover up my own insecurities by trying be the hippest gal in the room.  Thinking back, I can't even imagine how fucking annoying that mush have been.  But he was like actually interested in me.  He was the opposite of me.  He was sheltered and didn't know the ways of the world and I was jaded and had seen everything- or so I thought.  What he didn't know was that he could fall in love with me just by talking to me.  He had thought he was in a love a few times and actually said it a few times and really thought he meant it.  But that was before he met me.  What I didn't know was that I could fall in love, and fall was deep- like lifetime deep so early in my life.  This fucking REAL.  I was taken a-back.  It was an intense feeling, beyond any sexdual thing, though that was also beyond wildest dreams.  He told that before he met me and fell in love with me that he was a boy, playing childish games, pretending to be a man.  After falling in love with me, he said he finally knew what it meant to be a man.  He wanted to be with me forever and to father my calves and be my moptherfucking only bull.  I felt the same way but I was scared.  It was scary to lose my virginity.  It was scary to have these feeelings so young in life.  I was guessing that I would ease into the rest of my life and eventually find somebody to grow old with.  This wasn't planned.  This real and this was NOW and this was it.  But I sent him away because I was overwhelmed and wanted to escape and get my head together.  He was young and fiery and hurt.  He went up to his farmer and said, "I am done.  Send me to the slaughterhouse.  My sadness will make my flesh tough.  You deserve more than that, master.  For the good of my species, I must sacrifice myself at my most delectible point.  I will get no more than this.  I will never be more in love than this."  And he was gone.  So here I am back home and made it through the window.  And now I going to die in disgrace.  And also land on this wrestler on the porch.  I always loved you and I am nothing without you.)

 

 Susumu then kicks him in the stomach a bunch so the good points of Ashino so far is that he will take an assbeating and not go off running into the street in terror.  Andy Wu looks perfectly fine- if not overly flashy for a highflier.  He makes the basic stuff look like it hurts, which is better than most.  Hama tags in and Ashino battles back just to have all the fat of Hama collapse onto his chest.  The Attempt On Hama Of A Sunset Flip is a hilariously nonsensical spot that is the eternal staple of poor saps who wrestle the morbidly obese, it's like eating at Hardee's- you think about it, you just fucking do it.  GOD DANG!  After a disturbing roll-up of Hama by Hiroshi Yamato, where we are treated to basically Hama’s raw naked Personal Pan-Sized Pizza-sized taint, Hama drops the fuggin MEAT CLEAVER on Yamato and things had to squirt out of both ends the fuzzy pumper barber shop that is the human body reacting to that much fat landing on it.   Susumu is intense on offense but not overly impressive.  He does lots of little things fast but Yamato’s dropkick looked hurtier than the five moves Susumu puts together.    Andy Wu rolls around a lot before hitting stuff- which I find amusing.  I dunno, I’m horrible because you gotta really land on your shoulder wrong a lot for me to actively seek out your matches these days if you are under 250 pounds (and a guy.)   Don’t hold that against him though because Wu doesn’t do anything annoying or bad looking, it’s just that- for me,  he is up against memories of Asian Cougar doing sentons out of the ring over the toprope onto folks on the floor covered with chairs.  So dazzle me.  The Triple Concussion consecutive moves off the toprope onto Andy Wu was very interesting and innovative, but really, EVERYBODY, when the landed,  bounced their heads off the mat like they were Mikey Whipwreck being powerbombed.  And that was the finish.  Well.  The idea and booking of the match is pretty smart.  Stick three pretty bland interchangeable guys in with a bland other guy and a bland guy with a mask, but reward the viewers like you and I by letting Ryota Hama fucking crush people- thus making the assorted perfectly fine non-descript wrestling go down easier.  None of the five stick to me yet.  But luckily for them (because all wrestlers want to be liked BY ME, I ‘m positive of this), they were all five competent enough to not make me hate them.  So we will continue to monitor their progress, hopefully in singles matches where they can try to hold my interest without me trying figure which one will get his ribs ground into powder by fat guy landing on him.  So yeah, I’ll take this match. 

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x2xt59e_hiroshi-yamato-hiroki-murase-shotaro-ashino-vs-ryota-hama-andy-wu-yuya-susumu-wrestle-1_sport

 

 

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ YUJI HINO vs HIRO TONAI- K-DOJO- 7/12/2015- [RASMUSSEN]:   Reading about Hiro Tonai on Cagematch.net and it says that Tonai is 31 years old and has been wrestling for 8 years.  I then realize that- between the Big Switch-over from dvd’s to stuff on the internet, it means that you couldn’t GIVE AWAY most K-Dojo matches to me the last couple of years.  But hey, here we are.  The need to explore and find new wrestlers to watch, combined with my absurd love of the most magnificently sleazy version of Yuji Okabayashi possible that is Yuji Hino (and the fact that Hino and Okabayashi are an actual tag team occasionally is like the best thing in the wrestling world to me at this time) brings us to watching young Hiro Tonai for the  first time that I can recall.  I assume that Hino will beat the living hell out of him and I will once again wonder why he doesn’t jump to Big Japan to wrestle Kawakami every night.  But let us actually watch this, shall we.  They start off doing a very active and rolly arm-bar sequence and I get the feeling that this is going to go long (the counter saying 24 minutes helps also) and I get the feeling that this will be a straight pro style match instead of Hino’s strong suit, Stong Style.  But Tonai works around a wristlock and there are reversals and counters and its what I didn’t expect so I’m digging it- and it helps that it is also done pretty well.  Then a knuckle lock section and it dawns on me that this all to kill time to build up to Hino fucking killing this guy.  Until then, Welcome To Scientific Wrestling.  Hino starts a very basic arm-wringer and we veer into a 70s style Hold To Call A Spot and it leads to Tonai kneeing Hino in the head to escape a Dragon Sleeper attempt and I believe we are moving closer to Hino beating the life out this- the challenger for the STRONGEST K CHAMPION belt.  En lieu, Hino works a casual kneebar but he is starting to get snippy and he rolls Tonai around, stomps the calf and sinks the hold back in.  Tonai sells it a little after countering and escaping  and then gets in a quick Crossarmbreaker submission attempt.  They then do a thing where Tonai fights out of German Suplex that Hino counters into a Dragon Sleeper again and Tonai hits the ropes.  This is a total Dradition style match where they channel 70s style wrestling- which is a style of match I haven’t seen in a while so I’m not turning on this, but digging the bizarre subtlety of the whole thing.  At 13: 59, the Strong Style kicks in as they finally hit the ropes.  Tonai dodges the lariat and drop kicks Hino in the knee and then does the Silver King plancha to the floor and this is now all about Tonai hitting New Japan junior lowgrade highspots.  Tonai comes off the toprope and drops a knee on Hino’s shoulder and Hino undersells initially but I think his right arm is the story of the match so he establishes a bottom line selling to build on as Tonai attacks the arm.  The story is now basic and awesome.  Tonai works on the injured arm while Hino chops the fuck out of Tonai to escape.  Tonai I dig.  His offense is inventive and his focus on the arm is tenacious.  This is the second match I’ve seen Hino selling giant amounts- the first was a odd match in the DDT developmental promotion DNA, beating the dogshit out of rookie before doing a giant foray into selling for the rookie before totally fucking annihilating him.  Here he isn’t trying to make a rookie look good, here he is actually selling a really good looking offense.  Maybe Hino is even more awesome than I give him credit for.  Hino powers out of Cross Arm Breaker and throws Tonai backwards onto his head.  Tonai goes back to the arm and the psychology of this match is established and rich and moist and filling and delightful.  Tonai holds the ropes to fight out of a German Suplex- but he loses battle and Hino fucking slaughters him with a Released German Suplex.  Tonai escapes to the floor and Hino tries re-assemble his crumpled arm.  As Tonai is rolled in, we assume this is the beginning of the end.  Hino takes a knee to the face but fires back with a lariat.  Tonai does the awesome thing of GOING BACK TO THE ARM!  Woo-hoo!  Psychology this late in the game.  Hino powers out of the CrossArm Breaker and powers into a Stretch Plum and that is it!   Waaaa?  No 15 kick outs of lariats and powerbombs?  A submission actually making someone submit?  Yuji Hino and Hiro Tonai, you magnificent sons of bitches, I am getting on board for big win and backing your play one hundred percent.  Fuck yes.  I will continue to watch of these two guys.  Fuck and Yes. 

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x2xx6ot_yuji-hino-c-vs-hiro-tonai-k-dojo_sport

[Curt McGirt]

Hey Schneider, more lucha and old stuff? Maybe you want to watch this first. 

 

Hino/Tonai: I started this liking that there's a dead silence except for the industrial fans running in the background. Never seen either dude ever but Hino is clearly amused, waiting out the technical stuff from Tonai to start pulverizing him. He smiles like it's just a little game, though you can see frustration bubbling through. Tonai finally gets an ankle caught and becomes pained and desperate. He STILL out-grapples Hino out of nowhere and we're back at stalemate. But then bah God does Hino gaffle him and you suddenly know what soon awaits the young, svelte man trying his best. He initiates his own imminent demise by fooling Hino on a shoulderblock exchange and tries to armlock him again but eats a vicious chop for his attempt. Now I think it's time to go to the woodshed, but Tonai is a devious and smug little bastard that will jump on your arm and mock you after. Hino clearly has been holding back and playing games the whole match which is why it's so great; both guys get to look good. Hino finally comes back with a huge back suplex after a desperation sprawl to the ropes to avoid youngster tearing his arm apart and both are selling like death. After they both bail for a sec they do this ridiculously fluid offense exchange that ends in Tonai tapping out to a nasty nasty dragon sleeper and I just realize he really looks like an underweight Nakamura. This was the shit.

 

Yeah Puroresu ain't dead, just like Punk Rock... it is and it isn't, and will be for eternity.