FluffSnackwell

Back to the Monster Squad Dracula briefly. Well, one must strongly take into consideration this was a movie where a big boned lad named Horace evaded Wolfman via kick to the nards, stymied Dracula with pizza to the face and flat out blew Creature from the BlackLagoon the fuck away. Besides Dracula had his get right down to business moments like backhanding cargo plane pilot Richie Aprile and snapping the necks of half the police force. And Duncan whathisface really nailed the finishing stretch nicely with "give me the amulet, you bitch!" and the hissing. Of course, my favorite part of the Monster Squad doc is hearing Tom Noonan go about what a pompous ass the guy was. Again if you want to talk downright embarrassments to the character what about that wuss in Van Helsing who made no impression at all? As for Lugosi, can’t it be argued that the inherent hammyness of his Dracula is what truly lasted in the collective consciousness?I mean cereal mascots and muppets like Count Chocula and The Count clearly were clearly inspired by Lugosi’s Dracula. Lee's just a little too badass to have inspired stuff like that. When’s the last time Lugosi’s Dracula came up in popular culture even if indirectly? I’m thinking Dave Chapelle’s bit about the Count off Sesame Street being a pimp. Now certainly Shreck as Orlok is the go-to classic scary image from early film. And it’s not like there hasn’t been a fair share of takes on Orlok: Dafoe, Kinski, Mr. Barlow’s look which was a tweak of the creature.* Even if you consider Orlok a different character, it’s still worth pointing out that character has become even more iconic than Lugosi’s Dracula as far as imagery of early icons of fright go. Besides on Stephen King’s recent special from several years back on TCM he pretty much said Lugosi felt passe by the time he was a teenager and that even he felt Lee overtook Lugosi as the Dracula because of how much scarier he was as the character. I’m sure there were lots of kids in the fifties and sixties who viewed Lugosi’s Dracula as being just as cheesy as somebody like the Dracula from Monster Squad is considered now; especially when compared to Lee’s fresh new more menacing and feral portrayal. Sure, Lugosi’s hypnotic gaze is still an iconic image but like I said I’m not so sure Lee’s version didn’t renderhis obsolete at the time. Then of course when Oldman did his thing that took the character to a whole other level. While Lugosi still deserves all the reverence he gets for being so genre-defining, 83 years later there’s no need to pretend his movie remains remotely scary or that his original portrayal of Dracula holds up. I certainly don’t see him as owning the role over Lee. *Funny ass thing about Mr. Barlow from Salem’s Lot; I’d never read the novel so I assumed the fiendish vampire in the 1979 version was being faithful to the book and thus when TNT announced a mini-series starring Rutger Hauer as Mr. Barlow I just assumed Hauer was going to be transformed into some Nosferatu-esque snaggle toothed iteration of the vampire as opposed to some tens of thousands of years old aristocrat. Don’t ask me why I was looking so forward to this but I damned sure was.

Cincinatti Baltimore Kansas City Miami Dallas New Orleans Pittsburgh Atlanta Denver Arizona Seattle Green Bay Carolina Tiebreaker #1: Team with most points scored on Sunday-New Orleans Tiebreaker #2: Ben Roethlisburger passing yards-344 Tiebreaker #3: Total points in SF/NO-62

The casting didn't help. The dude who played Zorro in the 90s TV show, really? It's that movie's one glaring weakness. The steak tartare Dracula in Waxwork was far wussier. Plus he starred in all those awful shameless Conan rip-off Ator movies. Besides I thought Monster Squad's prick Dracula was a blast so I don't even know what you guys are on about.

Don't forget Ghost Town. My dad even recorded it despite all those FBI warnings. I didn't even bother to revisit it on the uh modern day equivalent until a few years ago. It still holds up. Hey, Bruce Glover has a part as an omniscient blind card dealer. Everybody got to like that; right? As for this season, caught the The Houses That Built October. As per usual with the found footage genre it just can't rise above the feeling of yeah, these idiots had it coming, didn't they? Although even the final reel doesn't actually kill the notion that they were getting anything worse than the ultimate scare they were looking for.

Don't forget Ghost Town.

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What's even worse than that is Dish stuck in MGM to replace TCM and those fuckers just aren't bringing the goods this year. I mean nothing against Vincent Price who they're running a marathon of on Halloween but last year they played Vampire Circus, Twins of Evil, Squirm and The Blood On Satan's Claw on Halloween and the days leading up to it. I don't see shit genre-wise until Halloween. Bastards.

I'm well aware of the ringing endorsement from all the fine folks involved with the original. But then again that doesn't mean Tobe is immune to being a whore. What's the last movie Tobe made that anybody can even name? The Toolbox Murders remake? Hell, Gunnar himself never reprised the dead skin mask because of one thing: money; not that he hated the direction the sequels were headed in; just cold hard cash. He always felt insulted that I guess they didn't want to pay him more than any other stuntman. I guess the makers of TC3D finally ponied up though all these years later. Hey, good for him. None of the other Leatherfaces were a patch on him. But pardon me for doubting he's going to shit on the TCM movie that finally included him again; even in a cameo. I actually expected you to bring up Henkel's Beyond The Valley of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre script as justification for this whole clan crawling out of the woodworks. Eh, to each his own, but I thought what was so weird and interesting about the original is how quickly these three destitute lost hicks (and Grandpa) quickly resort to barbarism and cannibalism once they've lost their jobs; but the real underlying theme is there is no female figure around like these idiots have no idea how to behave without a mother or other female authority figure there to make them behave. Maybe that's just some theme I pulled out of my ass though. To me, it just works so much better if it's these three kooks out in the middle of nowhere picking off people than Leatherface being Cujo and his whole clan having to constantly be in CYA mode because of the big stupid dog's fuckups. To me three lunatics who don't even know what they're gonna do next is more raw and unnerving. I was halfway joking about a sequel to the Platinum Dung continuity. Although considering they're going full steam ahead with a teenage Leatherface is anything really off limits? That actually gave me the idea that since Leatherface was kind of treated like a mantle after Part 2 considering none of the other movies follow each other and feature wildly different takes on the character, why not have the twist be revealing the son of Leatherface as the one donning the dead skin mask? I haven't the foggiest how the hell they'd use one-armed Thomas Hewitt. Honestly, considering that they've already cheated their own continuity by changing his nose originally having rotted off from some form of leprosy to getting it hacked off by Jordana Brewster in the prequel, I wouldn't bat an eye if they did give the fucker some mechanical arm. Don't get me wrong. I have no desire to see another TCM movie. The only two that really count are the first two. I will admit TCM III: Leatherface is kind of fun. And I consider the remake top notch for what it is; being a glossy polished turd and all. And I've never heard a damned thing about Platinum Dung's franchise being resurrected. But why not if they're gonna go the route of showing me a by the numbers piece of shit of how fat pimply 15-year old Leatherface was goaded into being what he is. Who's even gonna play him? The kid from Bad Santa and Trick R Treat.

I do feel the need to point one of those drives Weeden engineered was actually NOT putting the ball in the end zone after DeMarco's 51-yard run and another run to get the ball to the 6-yard line.

Even if the Cowboys make the playoffs, I'm sure DeMarco Murray will have his finest Earnest Byner impersonation on tap. Tiki Barber just called to say "hang on to the ball, bitch."

How in the world does anybody figure TC3D respects the original when it pretends the original movie featured a trailer park full of trash instead of just the three deranged idiots? Not just that but it remakes the fact that Leatherface was originally a big dumb bullied attack dog for his brothers while TC3D changes it to the Sawyer Trailer Park covering up for one big dangerous retard. How in the fuck is that respecting the original? Don't even get me started on the big dumb idiot's redemption. What the hell is that even supposed to lead to anyways? I mean I'd rather see 65-year old one-armed Leatherface from the remakes get a sequel than what the end of TC3D implied.

Fumbling the ball inside the 10-yard line. Not finishing off a long TD run when your backup QB is this close to running a used car dealership.

Romo better adjust his sissy britches and get the hell back out there. I wouldn't trust Weedman to accurately plunge my toilet.

Well, Romo doesn't possess a world class Elway/Favre caliber arm like Stafford and Cutler. The only reason that those guys will never ever reach top five status is they must be incredible flakes or they just don't give enough of a shit. How did Stafford avoid ever competing for a National Title at Georgia playing on the same offense as A.J. Green and Knowshon Moreno? What's funny though is in some roundabout way a guy like Romo succeeding and breaking out as a franchise QB can probably be blamed for all the money Shitzpatrick got paid by the Bills even though Romo obviously has more tools and talent than that dweeb.

Lovely tea party. Pity the Lions weren't invited.

Denver Atlanta Seattle Baltimore Miami Kansas City New England NY Jets Minnesota Houston Arizona Cleveland Indianapolis Green Bay Dallas Tiebreaker #1: Total points in GB/NO-78 Tiebreaker #2: passing yards by Bortles for Jax vs Mia-205 Tiebreaker #3: DeMarco Murray rushing yards: over/under 130-Over

Another great play by the head honcho of the Cartel.

The fact that the score was already 22-0 when he had his big breakout moment of the game makes the argument that he made one meaningless albeit flashy play in a game that was going to be a Seahawks blowout regardless.

All I know about McNabb is that one of my favorite stats announcers used to constantly bring up about him during his playing career was him having the second lowest INT % in league history. Who was first? You guessed it, Neil O' Donnell. It's just so cruel and unfortunate people will only remember all those backbreaking picks these two gents threw in all those conference title games and Super Bowls despite how well they otherwise protected the ball.

Really Romo and Jay feel pretty interchangeable to me. It's either going to be amazing or it's going to be fucking ridiculous. There's not a lot of games in between. If they switched I'd probably be indifferent about it. Cutler at least gave rise to that Smokin' Jay Cutler meme. Romo pretty much just has games every once in a while where hicks remind each other his name rhymes with Homo, and front-runners from the '90s lament the fact that Jerry Jones didn't make the call on Manziel. I have to imagine that without Demarco Murray being unfuckwithable this year, the Cowboys would look a whole lot different out there. Romo can be intelligent and make the right choices-- he's made Jason Witten look like a bona fide superstar on many occassions, for cryin' out loud. He just panics, man. And it's a shame because their defense isn't anything to sneeze at either. Other than the run game (apologies to Forte) I think Cutler has better weapons. I'd take Brandon Marshall over Dez any day of the week. Bennett, though he falls off this time of year every year anyway, is at least more consistent than Witten. Alshon Jeffery is way better than Williams or that other dude. What's the meaning of this? Unless you just mean Witten's older than dirt. Because he's produced at an elite level since his sophomore year in the league and that was with a fossilized Vinny Testaverde throwing to him. And also that season where Kitna was the QB for 11 games. As a matter of fact, he was far more productive in both those seasons than whatever Tardmellus's best year has been so far. The notion that Romo has made Witten all these years is bunk.

New England Baltimore Minnesota Chicago New Orleans Green Bay Indianapolis Cleveland Seattle Tennessee San Diego Dallas Arizona Denver Houston Tiebreaker #1: Colin Kaepernick rushing yards-34 Tiebreaker #2: Winning margin in Giants/Dallas-10 Tiebreaker #3: number of made field goals in Cin/Indy game-4

Indianapolis New England Cincinnati Cleveland Green Bay Detroit Denver Baltimore Tennessee San Diego Atlanta Arizona Dallas NY Giants San Francisco Tiebreaker #1: 38 Tiebreaker #2: Eli Manning passing yards-325 Tiebreaker #3: 2

Total black comedy. While the whole mess is indeed the drizzling shits the movie is clearly tackling the absurdity of it head on. As long as nobody mentions the words "Twilight Zone", "helicopter", "crash", "Get lower, get lower!", "manslaughter", "Vic Morrow", "violated child labor laws", "dead Vietnamese child actors", "decapitated heads flying everywhere", and especially "seriously, why were you NOT blackballed from the industry, you soulless cocksucking murderer". If piece of shit John Landis had tragically died somehow even before he got around to making American Werewolf In London but we got a bunch more surly and/or sleazy Vic Morrow performances I'd be fine with it. Also since it's been speculated that The Beast Within would've simply featured a werewolf (as in the novel it was adapted from) instead of a mantis man if it weren't for those two successful werewolf movies that had just come along the previous year then we would've still gotten those two werewolf designs. Although I must admit a certain fondness for said mantis man featured in The Beast Within.

Green Bay

Redskins Carolina Green Bay Buffalo Indianapolis Detroit Miami Pittsburgh San Diego Atlanta San Francisco Dallas New England Tiebreaker #1: Geno Smith interceptions-2 Tiebreaker #2: Tony Romo passing yards-316 Tiebreaker #3: winning margin in the Philly/SF game-10