assfax

Yeah, I'm fixin' to play this fucker for about 13 hours straight. Got some Knob Creek, 23 ounces of whole cashews, snickerdoodles and two cases of Banquet beer. Should last me until 8 PM if I nurse it. Then, if I wake up tomorrow I'll go play that new Elvira pinball machine.

Can't play Zelda on Genesis.

I'm going to treat my lying stat like 'stache on Mario and Luigi. 99 percent of points go there.

Asgard's Wrath. There's a lot I'm loving about it but the combat just stinks. Bad guys are just draining my health with kicks while I'm trying to figure out how it works. They also despawn if you walk too far away and regain all health. Maybe I'll drop it down to piss-ass baby easy next time I play it. Menus seem kludgy and the loading time after you die is about 70 seconds for me. Picking up your little Battle Beasts is still amazing. All that shit made me finally dig my G27 wheel out and start getting way into Project Cars 2 and Dirt Rally again. IN VR. I did Pike's Peak, drove off a cliff full speed and had to shut my eyes while wincing. That's more like it. I remember playing that F1 game on PS1 years ago and just spinning in circles out in the grass and going the wrong way to kamikaze fuckers. With the damn wheel this shit is exhilarating. Full throttle 5th gear going into Massenet at Monaco is erection inducing.

Check out Skygunner on PS2.

https://www.analogue.co/pocket/

Just beat Lone Echo. Pretty good other than that bullshit part where yer flying all carefully through those exploding cysts for the first time. I died like, 10 times trying to do that part. Y'know what was amazing? The way you brought up your scanning gun. You are really pushing on the top of your wrist like there is a button there. The only thing I really would like in the sequel is if you could spin your body orientation using your arms. For quick turnarounds launching off a surface. The overall gameplay is pretty basic but is uplifted through the sheer novelty of VR. There's a part at the beginning where you have to find lost luggage cubes and slot them into sockets. That is what most tasks end up being. I also want to bitch about the weak ass jar of peanuts texture near the beginning of the game. That shit was wack yo. The giant hushpuppies also looked a bit shit up close. They need a VR version of Rendezvous with Rama. Maybe then I won't think the book stunk. What was with the Demolition Man references? I don't get it. I mean, I got 'em, but where's the conceptual continuity? Installing Asgard's Wrath right now.

DOOM delayed 'til march 2020. FUCK YOU

Yeah, that fucker is getting a PS5 remaster that still won't look as good as PC.

Included with Game pass. Switch version TBD.

89 hours of "give me a boost!"

I wanna bring this back because ponytail Flair used to be my avatar. Then I was saying he could be the secret last boss on King of Fighters. Then I believe Bix had it as an avatar for a while. I mostly believe that ponytail Flair is awesome.

I only beat the first one on GBA.

I've been slowly replaying Skyrim on VR and it is awesome. Y'know that first dungeon, Bleak Falls Barrow? There is this bit with an area containing a staircase, and a skeleton is coming down the stairs and I shot him with the motion controllers and it was absolutely amazing with bones falling across the stairs while he was running down. Like, it's all the same old shit you played in 2011 but that big statue in front of Whiterun castle looks like you are in Chicago or some bullshit. I can't reiterate enough how shit actually looks like a full size person. Menus feel a little obtuse though. Ye can't do that thing where you carry shit over into a corner and steal them. I do start getting vr sickness after about 90 minutes so it ain't perfect. I thought it would be a flat ass thing where I just feel like puking but it actually feels like your entire body is warming up. You'll know it when you feel it. That Adrift game also got my ass queasy after a while even though that has nowhere near the same freedom of movement. Pinball FX2 and Zaccaria pinball are still my favorite VR games. I get totally sucked in every once in a while. I wanna beat Rez, Overload and Thumper though. Zaccaria Pinball is the most convincing though. I'll just be leaning over and completely immersed. I hate the sounds. Flippers sound like the glass is off. Ball travel noise is canned even though I can clearly see the great ball spin physics at play. Stern Pinball VR could be amazing but it doesn't have anywhere near the customization options of ZP. Even though all those tables are bizarre. SPA VR also has a byzantine way of buying tables. I get free credits just for booting and am only going to play for maybe 120 minutes. How do they expect to make money? FX2 just makes me pissed that it isn't FX3 with the complete array of tables. Oh, did this turn into another virtual pinball post? Eat my ass. Love pinball.

It's not a good 15-30 hour game. I was playing that fucker for about 6 months before I beat the last boss. It's got all the good wanderlust shit that Breath of the Wild did 3 years later. Fuck that boss on top of that mountain though. Bullshit boss. Y'know what else stunk about Witcher 3? Any time I had to do the fistfighting bullshit. It sucked in #2 and it sucks even more in #3.

Game is combination of FEAR: Setting and weirdness Metroid Prime: exploration based map and save points Mass Effect: way the gun works and light conversation. there are also time based random quests Psy Ops: kinda Eternal Darkness: psychological shit and general weird fiction deal. I'm on PC and it's looking and playing pretty goddamned good. It has a jump button so it's already leagues beyond most new shit. You can blow up offices just for the fuck of it.

Punisher has the battle van with sweet curtains and a mattress in the back.

If it was just driving and occasionally doing Starfox 64 all range mode shooting galleries it'd be fine. But you gotta drag that sumbitch inside buildings and use it as an 11000 lb key.

There's this part early on where you have to drag the batmobile onto some rooftops and take it from roof to roof so you can rev up some generator. GARBAGE Doesn't Batman have some flying G.I. Joe bubbles or something else?

Now why the hell couldn't they've just shown that avengers shit at e3? Looks like a regular-ass video game.

I did not know walmart and target were doing brand new switch games for 50 bucks. I went to my local walmart and Ultimate alliance, Fire Emblem, Smash etc were all at 50 bucks. You gotta remember this is the place still selling Codename S.T.E.A.M. for 35 bucks. Fire Emblem was sold out so I ordered off Target. That game ain't gon' be no 21 dollar bargain bin deal outside of a digital sale 15 years from now. Heh, "digital" "sale". Outside of my Metroid Prime 4 preorder that's still locked in that old 10 bucks off price on Amazon I don't know if I'll order from them again for switch games. On the other hand I just pre ordered that Timespinner game off limited run. So I'm already fucking up. I want those damn Contra and Castlevania collections on limited run shits.

On computer the boss was bugged. This is really the only thing I remember from playing both games. BEAT Horizon Zero Dawn. Only took me two years! All the major plot revelations were surmised by me 12 hours before they wanted to blow their load. Lance Reddick is the de facto Magical Negro of the videogame milieu. Didn't like how there wasn't a whole lot of new weapons and upgrades in the last 15 hours. A lot of those skill upgrades seemed pointless. Shoot arrows on a high wire? Why? That super secret hidden armor that you spend the whole game trying to get? Eh, it's some poop that has no mod slots. With mouse and keyboard controls this game would be amazing. There were a billion times where I would be fiddling with that monster hunter d-pad potion shit and died. COME ON. Also has that shit where I'm bowling over giant 30 foot tall sabertooth tigers with my spear but regular ass humans are parrying my every melee attack. Horseshit. Kinda like Dying Light where you just knew to use molotov cocktails so you didn't have to deal with that bullshit. Villains also stunk. Also, that Uncharted shit where it took 90 years to open the door, but bad guys are still rappelling in in front of you. What the hell was that Zero Dawn facility? Garbage. They also just devolved into relying on high powered guns right at the end like Last of Us. This wasn't exactly The Word for World is Forest. Also, all the beards looked like crap. Pubic hair glued on to the upper lip area. Also, extremely long loading times. Two and a half stars. My Yakuza lineage was beating 3 & 4 within a month back in 2010 and loving it. Like, double 30+ hour games. Gotta be unemployed to do that shit. I'd give the edge to 4 for Saejima's move where he grabs the guy by the leg, flips him up in the air and hits 'em in the back of the neck with a lariat upside down. Rubber bullets plotline be damned. Then, I wanted to play 5 for years but they didn't bring it out until 2015 and I already had a PS4 and my PS3 was unplugged for about 2 years. That's the one I really wanted to play. Seriously, GTAV and Last of Us were in '13. Then they did that huge flood of 0 and both Kiwamis. I bought 'em as they came out but I still haven't put more that 5 hours into Zero since then. The only thing I remember is that Mr. Shakedown guy. My awareness of the newfound swell of enthusiasm for the series is high. I'm pledging right now to beat Zero. I'm also in that spot where I'm debating whether I want to shift over to PC for those Kiwami games. Even though I know I'm just setting myself up for more diaphanous release schedule bullshit. I'd really like that DAMN Fist of the North Star game on PC. Judgement also looks great. I'm just glad shit is fully into the downloadable era so it won't become 200 bucks if yer wanting to play it after the fact.

I just remember when I beat it on PC that the Star Destroyer boss was a nightmare. Controls were fucked and the ship would get stuck forever.

New Exhorder song came out and it sucked. SHIT

Witcher 3 was great except for that Imlerith boss.