Cobra Commander

or just start beating dudes by jamming his thumb into their throat

For some reason, I suspect “wanna see my oriental tool” was one of the less effective pickup lines in 1980s Dallas

I've already made multiple jokes about how much Brian Adias looks like 1980s Dave Meltzer when I review World Class episodes that I watch

I have a similar thought about deathmatch guys seeking medical attention for the shit that happens in their matches. I'd think the doctors know what the deal is pretty quickly if they're not directly employed by the promotion. Fortunately Japanese health care probably makes it a little less cost prohibitive to take bumps on broken glass compared to this country.

I mean, the big announcement could literally be Mercedes Mone taking the notecard from Tony to read the announcement herself. The "Mercedes Mone is joining the Hart Foundation next week on RAW" build to her AEW debut has to end sometime so why not now.

with what the military paid the NFL and other leagues over the years, I would be surprised if the WWE really didn't get paid. PR-wise, it sounds a lot better if they say they did it for free. But yeah, most of the Tribute to the Troops was basically a sold show with some matches just because and a crowd happy to just see anything. So considering what other entities got and how the military can spend their money, it wouldn't have surprised me if the WWE made money off of that. Then again, they probably would be committing crimes if they had put it on paper that they didn't get paid, in the spirit of how Vince is more likely to get popped for the lies on earnings reports than all the rapes.

Before I get too far behind and I forget.. let's go back to The Mae Young Classic (Episode 5/Round 2) Why yes, the WWE does have a Nation of Domination collection for anybody wanting to celebrate Black History Month. Let's take a look at Abbey Laith and Rachael Evers. Round 2: Rachael Evers vs Abbey Laith. Gotta love how that RE t-shirt works for either name that Rachel Ellering works under. Hey, Kassius Ohno is in the audience applauding. If I was watching this live and some time traveller asked me to guess which Mae Young Classic competitor was doing a Golden Age of Hollywood gimmick in AEw in 2024, I'd guess Abbey Laith, and then i'd ask "what's AEW?". That camera angle on the suicide dive did it's best to hide that Abbey didn't seem to make contact with it. This match is taking place in a magical universe where it's not really being paid much attention to, as you might notice from Evers hitting a Diamond Cutter off of an Irish Whip as a throwaway move early. The crowd is feeling their potentially obnoxious energy with dueling chants, well blondes vs brunettes has been a question of taste for awhile. The Abbey kicks look pretty good too. That powerslam off the top rules. Abbey wins by countering a kick into a powerbomb and cradle. Well, that was a quick one. I'm sure somebody that I don't remember is doing that powerslam off the top regularly but that looks like a move that somebody needs to steal. Let's take a look at Serena Deeb and Piper Niven. Round 2: Piper Niven vs Serena Deeb. JR gets another moment to be impressed with wrestlers getting college degrees while mentioning Serena Deeb got a degree from Indiana while in OVW. More crows chants. This feels like a matchup that should feed into the "Serena Deeb overcoming adversity and acheiving redemption" story that they're pushing here. The Piper Niven running splashes are a fun visual although i'm not sure I can buy Serena Deeb countering a senton by lifting her knees. There's a fun amount of creativity of Deeb figuring out offense she could hit vs Niven (running her head into a turnbuckle while Deeb's on the top rope, the monkey flip off the top). The art of wrestling is Piper Niven hitting offense on Serena Deeb without actually flattening her. That facebuster by Deeb that led to a Niven flip sell was something. Nice Vaderbomb there by Niven for a nearfall. Niven misses a splash, Deeb charges but Niven counters into a Michinoku Driver for a win. Well, I guess we didn't get to figure out how Serena Deeb could hit a spear in this matchup without bouncing off of Niven. Let's take a look at Princesa Sugehit and Mercedes Martinez. We got some actual hype package trash talk as Sugehit pledges to destroy Mercedes (or they figured that was the toughest possible translation of what she actually said) Hey it's Kalisto in the crowd. Round 2: Mercedes Martinez vs Princesa Sugehit. Sugehit is pronounced like it's French, for the record. Both competitors have full sleeves, in a sense. Got some early mat wrestling here. Nice go-behind into the turnbuckles and a running somersault attack by Sugehit. Liked the 3 suplexes in a row by Martinez. Sugehit counters a superplex with a toss-off and a swinging DDT. Nice tilt-a-whirl into an armbar for a few moments. Martinez comes back from that adversity to win with a Fisherman's Buster. Quarterfinal matchup: Mercedes Martinez will face Abbey Laith. Charly Caruso getting air time feels a little superfluous if she's gonna just introduce the prematch package for the 4th match of the night. Let's take a look at Bianca Belair and Kairi Sane. "I want people to memorize my matches" feels like somebody botching a translation of Japanese. Round 2: Kairi Sane vs Bianca Belair. JR is fascinated with Kairi Sane being a yachtsperson, isn't he. JR calling Bianca Belair the best pure athlete is like if you trained an AI program to write Ross Reports. Nice taunt exchange from these two. This is real early so the concept of Bianca Belair whipping someone with her hair is novel. These two have faced each other a bunch and this is the first matchup. Nice full nelson camel clutch by Bianca of her just ragdolling Kairi. A countered Bianca splash leads to us seeing Kairi hit chops in the corner. Nice double-arm clutch submission from Kairi that gets countered. Neat powerslam. Logical for Kairi's strikes to sorta knock Bianca back and Bianca's to knock Kairi back 4 feet. Bianca with a nearfall on a 450 that looked cool. Obligatory shoulder charge into the ringpost turns things in Kairi's favor. Nice Uraken by Kairi and Kairi wins with the top rope elbow to advance. That was a fun one. That elbow drop looks like it would actually fuck up the hip more than the regular top rope elbows. I'm paying a little more attention today so I might be wrong but it feels like Lita is warming up to color commentary which is good since it means less JR. Now it's time for... The Mae Young Classic (Episode 6/Round 2) Earlier tonight, Ronda Rousey and her friends walked into the arena. Let's take a look at Toni Storm and Lacey Evans. Lacey Evans declares that Lacey Evans stands for what women all over the world fight for, which is certainly one hell of a thing to say out loud with sincerity. Meanwhile Toni Storm leans in for her prematch like someone who needs glasses reading an eye chart. Round 2: Toni Storm vs Lacey Evans. Slight curveball as the person with the second prematch segment doesn't get introduced first here. It's Toni Storm vs someone with a retro look. Well, knowing what we know now. More dueling chants because Full Sail fans are jacked up on Mountain Dew for this one. Neat series of moves with Lacey catching a foot, dropping it and Toni just kicking her in the face. Neat combo by Lacey with the legsweep and the move over the top. Pretty good action here as I consider the possibility that either Lacey Evans is better than we acted or she peaked in NXT or it's all Toni Storm carrying this. Toni Storm wins with a move called the Storm Zero (not the one she calls the Storm Zero now) which was a bit of a surprise but then again, NXT results and who actually gets main roster play are different. Also I can see why they realized "hey, Toni Storm can't hit the Air Raid Neckbreaker on some people without killing them, use the name for something else" Toni Storm will take on Piper Niven in the quarterfinals. Let's take a look at Mia Yim and Shayna Baszler. I keep having to remind myself not to mispell Baszler as "Baeszler" Round 2: Mia Yim vs Shayna Baszler. Did you know that Shayna Baszler is friends with Ronda Rousey? Nice kick exchange early. Mia Yim with a suicide dive that looked pretty good. Nice two gutwrench suplexes in a row by Shayna. Yeah these two gel well together. Mia's in peril but she gets out of an ankle lock. Leg caught into a Mia Yim powerbomb. The fans are chanting about how much they believe this is wrestling. Mia Yim's 450 is countered into a rear choke and Shayna advances. That was fun. This was their 3rd match with each other (the first in WWE) and they would work against each other a bunch in 2019. They also haven't had a singles match with each other since 2019 and haven't faced each other in a tag match since January 2020. Also we had postmatch showdown that probably didn't actually go anywhere. Let's take a look at Rhea Ripley and Dakota Kai. Round 2: Rhea Ripley vs Dakota Kai. Finally a chance to determine which country is better between Australia and New Zealand. Dakota Kai facing down quite a bit of peril with the occasional hope spot. Lots of emphasis placed on Rhea Ripley being 20. Nice Northern Lights Suplex. Rhea Ripley's Charlotte Flair aesthetic sure was something. Lots of fighting on the top turnbuckle which ends with Dakota Kai knocking Rhea into the tree of woe and beating her with a double foot stomp. That was a surprising result to me. So a bit of a preview of coming attractions with Ripley on offense and then Dakota finds an opening to win. Dakota Kai will take on Kairi Sane in the quarterfinals. Let's take a look at Candice LaRae and Nicole Savoy. Round 2: Candice LaRae vs Nicole Savoy. Hey, Johnny Gargano is watching this match. Nicole Savoy with a solid entrance jacket game. Savoy threatening to be a heel in a tournament without much overt face/heel stuff. Savoy folds LaRae with a back suplex. The second back suplex looks safer. We got an almost-surfboard countered into a surfboard. Nice back to back double underhook suplexes. The German Suplex was almost doen in a way that would cause a near-double pinfall finish in the 1989 NWA. LaRae doing some neat stuff to hang in there. More battling on the top turnbuckle. Swinging neckbreaker by LaRae and that gets her a win. So, our quarterfinals are Candice LaRae vs Shayna Baszler, Dakota Kai vs Kairi Sane, Toni Storm vs Piper Niven, and Mercedes Martinez vs Abbey Laith. Those 3 episodes and the final 7 matches will be watched later. If the CWC is any guide, there'll be an 8th match somewhere too.

anybody ever get it on the record if/how much the WWE was getting paid to do Tribute to the Troops?

you know if they were doing this like how they used to do wrestling, Darby would go to Everest and come back using a mysterious move that he learned from a Sherpa.

like the Rock wouldn't do a Stone Cold stunner flip sell if he was taking the fingerpoke

while not the first time it's happened, this feels like a pretty rare season where a college plays a majority of their home games outside of their home state I think the standard for weird seasons where a team couldn't play near their campus due to construction was the 1979 Syracuse season where they knocked down their stadium and were building the Carrier Dome, and they played home games at Giants Stadium, Rich Stadium, and a home game at Cornell's stadium, a series of games where the Buffalo games did not draw at all (turns out that Syracuse isn't actually that close to Buffalo), and the Giants Stadium games mostly didn't draw aside from a Syracuse/Penn State game which I'd imagine was mostly Penn State fans. Syracuse went 7-5 and played in the Independence Bowl in a year where they didn't have a home stadium

With the sort of stuff he was doing 25 years ago, it is a pleasant surprise that 2024 Mick Foley is doing stuff like getting to attend an Iowa/Indiana basketball game in a few weeks because he’s a Caitlin Clark and Indiana basketball fan. (hey, some of his earliest matches billed him from Bloomington, Indiana)

Hey when does Darby leave to climb Mount Everest? just curious if they do a tournament to make a “tag team vs Darby/partner” matchup to determine new tag champs after Greensboro

The huge announcement is that Tony’s gonna put his tape collection on the ESPN/Fox/WBD sports stream. Would it be a little too screwy to have a simultaneous pinfall in the title match with something like Sting pinning Billiam and Ricky pinning Darby? Or will they just go to putting the titles on Sting/Darby?

This could go in another thread but the Chiefs players mentioned that Eric Bieniemy dropped in to speak to them before the AFC title game. Andy Reid also commented on bringing Bieniemy back with “we don’t have any staff vacancies right now” which, yeah, duh, you’re in the Super Bowl.

gee Gunther, we couldn't tell

Knock on wood, but no musicians died (that we know of) while the thread was locked Krisofferson pretty much publicly denied the Ethan Hawke version of that "Willie Nelson birthday party" story, although would it shock you if he forgot the argument or if he didn't really care enough to have a public feud.

Time for more afternoon wrestling World Championship Wrestling (2/4/1989) Jim Ross and Magnum TA are commentating with no mention of Tony Schiavone (Tony just left the company for the WWF and his last TV appearance is the 2/5/89 Main Event) We start off this episode with Eddie Gilbert as a house of fire with a taped up face. Between the UWF commentators and Eddie Gilbert. It feels like we're getting a UWF/Memphis/JCP fusion today. Welcome to a transition phase for this promotion. Match 1: Kevin Sullivan and Dr. Death vs George South and Bob Emory. Dr. Death legdropping a leg is a fun double team spot. Take your pick between Dr. Death manhandling a job guy and Kevin Sullivan making sure to avoid leaving his feet at any time working this match. Bob Emory just trying ti punch Dr. Death as he no-sells is an amusingly terrifying sight. Between that wrist lock and the arm bar, we're getting UWFI Kevin Sullivan today. He's a shootah. Hey Sullivan actually leaves his feet to apply an armbar and that's enough for the Varsity Club victory. Ricky Steamboat joins JR at the table and he's working out with three men today. These 3 will be pretty darn good wrestlers too. Match 2: The Fantastics vs Trent Knight and Eddie Sweat. Get all the women to the front row, the Fantastics are giving out hugs. Lots of double team moves. Then Tommy Rogers randomly sits on the lap of a fan in the front row for a few moments. Tommy Rogers looking like Great Value Terry Taylor today. JR insisting that the Fantastics name is apt because of the fan service. Eddie Sweat looking like fat Garry Shandling out there. Fantastics get the win with the Quebecers cannonball finish. Man, it looks like Tommy Rogers had to narrowly avoid clipping a light to hit that move. Barry Windham, Ric Flair, and Hiro Matsuda are joining JR at the table. Hiro Matsuda is the new mentor for Flair/Windham because JJ Dillon just left for the WWF Front Office. It appears that Ric Flair's measuring stick for Japanese culture involves fucking Japanese women. Mannnnn.. at least Hiro Matsuda isn't being called the Shogun. I guess. Match 3: Abdullah the Butcher vs Dave Heath. JR harping on how the Japanese are trying to buy the Dallas Cowboys. Yeah, imagine if the Cowboys were owned by somebody like that. Also the Japanese darn near control Hawaii according to JR. I'd imagine that Dave Heath wouldn't wanna drink Abdullah's blood. Extended nervehold by Abdullah where he's squeezing Heath's creeks. Yeah his face is turning red due to the effects of the hold, not because Abdullah slaps him with one of his hands every minute. Abdullah wins with an elbow drop. Gary Hart enters the ring postmatch to convince Abdullah to release a postmatch thumb to the throat. Chi-Town Rumble is on a Monday Night. Match 4: Rick Steiner vs Pretty Boy Lloyd. This guy doesn't have a CageMatch profile and I don't think he's Ray Lloyd. Rick Steiner powerslams this guy off the second rope because yeah sure. Lloyd doesn't land on his head on a German so Rick might be in a good mood. Then he forearm shivers Lloyd with a Steinerline. Rick Steiner wins with a Belly to Belly Suplex. The NWA is saturating their own market because they're running a Clash 5 days before a PPV. Mike Rotunda, Kevin Sullivan and Dr. Death join JR at the table to talk about their upcoming PPV matches. Match 5: Kendall and Barry Windham vs Mike Justice and Robbie Wise. Nice to see Kendall getting to spend some time with his brother. Not sure if teaming with Barry actually makes Kendall seem any heavier. This feels like another era where Barry Windham is starting to build momentum only for him to do something to grind that momentum to a halt. Barry hits a Superplex but then lets Kendall come in to win the match with a bulldog. Then he hits a bulldog on the other job guy. Gotta love that little brother energy Kendall brought there. Match 6: Midnight Express vs The Terminators. The Terminators are a masked team of short dudes. Meanwhile Paul E and the Original Midnights are taunting Jim Cornette with a sign. Midnights win with a double flapjack. Cagematch doesn't know who the Terminators are but my guess is "short dudes inspired by the Power Team" Lex Luger joins Magnum TA to talk about how he's gonna be in line to face Ric Flair if he beats Barry Windham. And guess who's out of the NWA within 2 months of this show. Ricky Steamboat's Public Workout: Ricky Steamboat is taking on Bob Cook, Dustin Rhodes, and Ric Diamond. Hey, Dustin Rhodes bringing out Ricky Steamboat in 1991 had continuity to it. There is some real elephant in the room energy in what they don't mention as Dustin works out with Ricky Steamboat. Kinda interesting how it took another 2 years after this for Dustin to get his national TV run because he wouldn't have been the worst regular on this roster in February 1989. There's some fun about them mentioning that the workout partners are doing Ric Flair moves. Ric Flair walks out to be outraged at being compared to these guys. Anyways this workout ends without anybody being jumped. So naturally the chaos happened during the commercial break instead. During the break, Ric Flair and Ricky Steamboat fought in the ring. As is Ric Flair tradition, this ends with Ricky Steamboat ripping Ric Flair's shirt off. Ric Flair has words for Ricky as he is shirtless with a necktie still on his body. Well, that's one way to do a segment. The Road Warriors join JR at the table. Maybe Paul Ellering has more of a Leon Redbone look this week. Or maybe Leon Redbone as a cowboy. Match 7: Butch Reed vs Jerry Price. Hiro Matsuda has taken over Butch Reed from JJ Dillon. Jerry Price is also African-American and he got flinged into the floor, flung onto the floor... "Does the date December 7th mean anything to anybody anymore"... Jesus Jim. I forget if Turner Broadcasting just killed this whole gimmick or if it died on it's own. But yeah this would be like if we had an Arab manager in wrestling in the 2040s and the commentator was referencing September 11th. JR pivots back into reciting biographical information about Butch Reed. Butch Reed wins with the shoulderblock off the top rope. Sting joins JR at the table. He will be facing Butch Reed at Chi-Town Rumble. Sting decides to imitate Butch Reed's voice talking trash. Match 8: The Road Warriors vs Mike Jackson and Kip Montana. No slide-in this week because they're wearing shoulderpads. We have some real stars of the future today doing TV jobs. Montana pretty much looks like later 90s Billy Gunn only with less muscles and a mullet (I don't think Billy had blonde hair for most/all of that Smoking Gunns run). Warriors win with the Hart Attack on Kip Montana. But he would get revenge many years later. Match 9: Dick Murdoch vs Mike Thor. Mike Thor looking like a man with deeply held opinions about which Outlaw Country singer is the best. Jim Ross is betting that Dick Murdoch would never be under the employment of somebody from Japan. Oh boy Jim. Also, Murdoch was aligned with Russians on this show like a year or two ago. Dick Murdoch's son was part of an undefeated Texas high school football team this last year. Dick Murdoch unleashes a dropkick so he's feeling it today. Murdoch wins with the Brainbuster. Chi-Town Rumble being on a Monday makes me wonder about the concept of a certain federation running PPVs on Monday Nights outside of NFL season when Raw goes to Netflix. The Midnights and Jim Cornette join JR at the table. Stan Lane looking like a man who runs a tab at strip clubs. Bobby's in a salmon colored shirt. Jim Cornette enjoying his opportunity to do the Untouchables open on TV (Jim's delivery of that open is very "Jim Carrey doing an imitation on In Living Color" esque too). Jim reading some newspapers lately with that Ted Bundy namedrop. Don't worry, the booking/executive change was doing work to fuck up this feud. Match 10: Mike Rotunda vs Ric Allen. Dr. Death has Oklahoma gear. Rotunda has Varsity Club gear. Your liver would fail if you drank for how many times JR found ways to reference football in his commentary around this time. JR trying to avoid getting hatemail for suggesting Mike Rotunda could execute a gameplan better than Rick Steiner. Rotunda's heel moveset involves doing boring moves and grabbing the rope behind the referees back. JR says that Jet Magazine named Teddy Long as referee of the year which.. yeah, JR might have too much time to fill by himself working with TA. I think the key to grabbing a rope behine the referee's back is to just not touch the rope if the referee's looking but make it real obvious that you could touch that rope. Rotunda's midmatch jumping jack is threatening to shatter my belief that he's boring. Rotunda wins with a butterfly suplex. Match 11: Junkyard Dog, Michael PS Hayes, and Sting vs Max McGyver, Cruel Connection 1 and 2. This is certainly a match that is gonna fill TV time. They seem to waffle on how to spell McGyver's name even by 1989. It looks like both Cruel Connection guys could work Ninja Turtle gimmicks without changing their costumes much. George South getting two paychecks today. McGyver is being called Mad Max McGyver today. Hayes DDTs McGyver for the win. Man, this match would have been so much longer if it happened in the first half of this show. "I'm surrounded by a lot of beef" says JR as JYD, Michael Hayes, and Sting are at the table with him. These three will take on the Road Warriors and Tenryu on February 15th (weeelllll...). At least they're actually hyping a match for the Clash on this show (but...). Noted paragon of racial understanding Michael Hayes closes with "they're talking about how big Tenryu is, I'd love to slap a Jap". Boy, this promotion decided to transition hard into making Japan the heel force. Which, yeah I remember hearing about how people thought in the late 80s, but holy hell... So I think this promotion is gonna actually transition after all this to reach their "dynamo of good programming" because right now it's... something. I can't imagine why this group is about to lose their working relationship with All-Japan Pro Wrestling but it won't be because of what they did on TV this week.

also I should note the strip club I saw this event at ended up getting shut down by the Vice Squad a few months later, so yeah I don't think they were following rules

guess they didn't try it in a state where strip clubs had powderpuff boxing or whatever they called strippers playfighting that I saw once while in College

The WWE probably wouldn't intentionally do something like this for a few reasons, but Ava being the NXT GM sorta reminds me of Malia Obama writing/directing on movies/Amazon. In the whole sense that even if they're good at these things, there'll be people thinking they got the job because of who their dad is. But yeah, the whole online harassment thing is way too much in character for some people. The fun part of this entire thing is that if it was a giant work, it involves people who will loudly insist that they can't be worked.

I believe this is also the one exploitative idea that the WWE didn’t make their divas do in the 2000s

Putting this on the record before tonight’s NXT: I have absolutely no confidence in the NXT arena mutants not being mutants if Ava appears on screen tonight. So I’m guessing they’ll just mute the crowd if she’s in a backstage segment so everybody can save face.

It’s possible that “cause we'll put a boot in your ass, it's the American way” is one of the more wrestling promo country song lyrics ever.

I think it’s progress that a white coach got the “he’s just too scary to hire” excuse?