w. josh

It's a blow-up doll.

Except it would really be one of his kids' shits.

What about non-young Rock, for that matter?

Somebody needs to fantasy book Punk becoming a student of Double J Double M A. I don't know many parents that would trust CM Punk in a dojo full of children.

Well, all the ones whose hearts haven't exploded yet from coke and methamphetamine use, at least.

Punk and Jarrett are totally going to start an MMA promotion together.

If PPV bonus money was really a factor in his decision, I'm pretty astounded that the WWE hasn't already addressed that issue with their top guys. The main event-level guys get a significant amount of income from those bonuses. I just can't imagine Vince saying, "Hey, that money's just going right into my pocket now, so, you know, sell more t-shirts or whatever." Actually, I can absolutely imagine that. I don't know what the solution would be - maybe promise guys a cut based on Network subscribers, or a larger percentage of merchandise sales. But they cannot have just said, "Sorry guys, SOL" and not expected a backlash.

Isn't that just the WWE main event scene?

Heh. "Rumblings." "Cheeseburger."

His index finger was gassed?

Squint and she looks like Stevie Richards. And if you squint at Stevie Richards, he looks like Shawn Michaels...I think we've gotten to the bottom of the marriage now.

Batista screwed up Roman's Superman Punch spot twice - first, by not being able to stand up on his own and having to slooooowly drag himself to the ropes, and then by blowing the spear spot to counter it because he could barely leave his feet. I really don't get being THAT out of ring shape. Maybe his cardio was in his eyebrows?

What's the over/under on "Bizarroland" mentions tonight?

I guarantee Torito would have gotten booed less.

"Listen to all my Batistalievers!"

The big problem with the "ratings are down anyway and they have their core audience so shut up marks" argument is this: if all that's true, and no one other than Rock and Brock have been able to move the needle - and even then only briefly...then why not put on the best possible show for the core audience, instead of actively antagonizing them? No one's popping a buyrate or getting them over a 4.0 anyway (although what either of those numbers mean in 2014 is a whole other argument). But right now, a bunch of former/casual/lapsed fans are hearing from their friends/Twitter/Facebook/Grantland that the booking is awful and the PTB are out of touch. How is THAT going to help numbers? If you're booking to the audiences you actually have instead of the mythical ones that are going to come back any minute now as soon as you hire another 50 year old, then people start to hear about how fun the show is getting again and how many young guys are getting a chance to shine. The conversation is, "there's this Khal Drogo looking Samoan that's a beast, and this little shaggy dude that's the best wrestler in the world, and a fat dude that walks like a spider...and it's fucking awesome!" Isn't that at least more likely to get a few more people tuned in than, "Hey, you know that show you stopped watching in 2006? You should come back to it, it's got all the top stars from 2006!"

Rusev looked really good, and the loss of the pleather gladiator skort is a good thing. So there's that.

Holy crap, if ever there was a night to call an audible. Honestly, that booking is hard not to see as outright trolling. Put Bryan in the opener, have him lose, give him a concussion angle...of course the crowd thought they were setting him up for a Rumble win. If they weren't putting him in, they should have shot something backstage with HHH/Steph telling him he's not cleared to wrestle so the crowd had some time to regroup and throw their weight behind Reigns or someone. Batista was going to get booed no matter what, but it's like they wanted the worst possible reaction.

If Zeb made cookies, I'm sure there's more than stray hairs in there.

The problem is that we're just supposed to assume that The Authority are being heelish even in their magnanimous acts because we intrinsically want to see somebody outsmart them and beat their chosen champion. However, the guy the crowd really wants to see do that has been written out of the storyline, and Orton's not hateable enough to just want to see anybody get over on him. So we're stuck with the heel faction coming out looking pretty okay, because really, what's the difference between Cena, Orton, Batista, Lesnar, or Big Show as champ? They need a loveable underdog who isn't a multi-time champ already to be able to pull off the "disingenuous authority figure" vibe they're going for. If only they had somebody like that on the roster...

Case in point: Super Destroyer spent very little match time on the top rope.

Bryan wouldn't have to win that match to be cemented as a top-level guy. Just have him stand toe-to-toe, get a few very near-falls, maybe survive interference by Shawn/HHH before losing, then have 'Taker cut a promo on RAW saying that Bryan was just as tough as his last few opponents.

I think when Big Show gives his Hall of Fame speech, it's probably going to be hard to understand a word he's saying, what with all the crying he'll be doing. Big man cry a lot, is what I'm saying. A whole lot.

I just can't believe all of that is from one match. It's not even about the individual spots being too dangerous or reckless. You want to take a running Snake Eyes into the middle turnbuckle without protecting yourself, go for it. But when you're standing up shrugging off superkicks and doing ballet spins out of clothesline reversals a few minutes later...why should I care that you took a running Snake Eyes into the middle turnbuckle without protecting yourself, exactly? At its worst, indy wrestling is like a Michael Bay movie. Lots of stuff goes kaboom but I have no idea what kind of story you're trying to tell me.

If there is, it rivals the Chikara PDF in size and scope.