SirSmUgly

Yeah, this was probably it. It was much less focused than his debut promo. In his defense, Batman was popping at the time. In his further defense, "I am vengeance, I am the night, I am WARRIOR" would have been a worse catchphrase and probably also got him C&D'd. I didn't have Dinsmore as one of the young guys who popped up on WCW programming before getting a bigger profile elsewhere. https://youtu.be/Z4iCe3hI6FY?si=8OIGP3PWESlH4vv1 Dinsmore comes out to the music babyface Jericho used. I also spoiled a Cruiserweight Championship switch for myself (thanks, Tenay), and it probably needs to happen because Juvi is doing zero as the champ right now.

Thunder Interlude – show number thirty – 3 September 1998 "The WCW Gang continues to breathe new and unexpected life into the Saturn vs. the Flock angle” I’d be glad for a simple Thunder with lots of wrestling and limited main event angle interview time…Bischoff’s been at a creative low for the past three months, unfortunately…Fall Brawl is shaping up poorly…War Games doesn’t sound enticing, Goldberg doesn’t have a dance partner for the show, and there aren’t any compelling feuds built for the TV or Cruiserweight Championships…Or the U.S. Championship, actually…And forget about the tag titles…Who the hell are the tag champs right now, even?...Ah, I think it’s still Giant and Hall, and Hall is maybe back in rehab or something because he’s been off TV for a couple of weeks…WCW is a complete mess… The previous Nitro got a mega-high rating because RAW was pre-empted the night after that great SummerSlam ’98 show…That’s a curse in disguise for Nitro, which proceeded to shit the bed while unopposed and thus did nothing to even make most fans consider switching back to Nitro as their primary viewing option for Mondays… This show starts with Marty Jannetty taking on Rick Fuller…The match is watchable enough, but Jannetty and Fuller don’t have their timing with one another quite right in a couple of obvious places…Fuller just isn’t very good or useful as a talent, especially in a company that has a ton of talent that could be on TV instead…Jannetty catches Fuller on a duck down and wins it with a Showstopper (a move which, if you recall since he hasn’t won on one of these major TV shows in awhile, is simply a Rocker Dropper)… Recaps from Nitro…After the recaps, we get Lenny Lane versus Kaz Hayashi…Lane isn’t very good…The match is okay enough…Kaz is pretty great, though…He hits a wild dive that crashes everyone into the guardrail…If they can give him a character other than “nondescript Easterner,” that’d be great…Ditch the stereotypical entrance theme for him, give him some direction…I don’t love the idea of Sonny Onoo as his potential manager, either…Kaz wins it with a top-rope Frankensteiner and a top-rope senton splash… Bischoff never really had interest in creating or booking Thunder as a whole, and you can see that what little interest he had in these things it is about out…Which is fine from a quality standpoint, but is also true…Our next match is Disorderly Conduct facing off with High Voltage…The first three matches are basically SN or Worldwide matches…Again, not a problem from an in-ring standpoint…But we’re only thirty shows in…High Voltage continues to be a fun enhancement-level tag team…Rage doing his baby Scotty Steiner act is always fun…Lots of double-team moves from both sides…Heenan even says that High Voltage reminds him of a young Steiner Brothers…I still think it’s a minor miss on Bischoff’s part that he didn’t get these guys a manager to work the stick for them and then push them a bit…Rage bails himself out of trouble with a double-clothesline, then hits a hot tag after Kaos gets beaten up and rolls their opponents…Kaos hits a nice springboard clothesline on one of the DC members sitting atop Rage’s shoulders for the win… Wrath does something he’s probably done before on an episode of Superstars or Action Zone…He squashes Barry Horowitz…A quick search tells me they wrestled each other on a European tour, so maybe it made a Coliseum Video release somewhere…Wrath has no problem killing off Horowitz…The Meltdown ends the match pretty quickly… Saturn is a terrible promo…When he was fired up about Glacier, he fooled me into remembering him as better at talking than he is…His cadence makes him sound like he’s reading his lines off a cue card…So many of these fellas need managers…When Raven was doing the talking for him, it was all good…Maybe they should have him insult Glacier some more to fire him up… Meng/Raven is a WCW-ass WCW matchup…The Flock comes out minus Kidman…Saturn holds Lodi’s signs for him again…Of course, I get robbed of this…Raven sends Riggs and Sick Boy in there as his replacements…Meng beats the shit out of both of these guys, so Raven sends Horace into the ring…Horace and his STOP sign do absolutely zero damage…I should have known when Tony S. mentioned this match at the beginning of the show that I wasn’t going to actually get it…I don’t know why I got excited…Sick Boy is back in and he gets TDG’d and pinned…Raven makes Lodi make Saturn face Meng next…OK, this could be good…They clubber the crap out of each other…Saturn’s got some momentum after the clubbering, so Kanyon kicks him in the back of the head, and the momentum sends Saturn right into a TDG…Raven and Kanyon roll out…Well, that was too short to be good…It was really an angle, not a match….Bleh…I mean, the booking is fine and serves a clear purpose, I was just interested in either Meng/Raven or Meng/Saturn as an actual match… Kanyon comes back out to the ring with Raven and Lodi trailing him…Ah, I see, Saturn was scheduled for a match with Kanyon tonight, and it happened to be booked right after the Meng match…Saturn is still out in the ring…Kanyon beats up Saturn, then holds up a WHO IS BETTER THAN KANYON sign…Ah, a catchphrase is born…Saturn almost steals it on a flash pin…Kanyon kicks out at two and goes back to making Saturn a crash test dummy for his offense…Step-over facebuster, wheelbarrow slam, and then Saturn gets two off another flash pinfall attempt when Kanyon casually covers him…Kanyon has to pull out all the stops to beat a guy who Meng TDG’d only after interference…Saturn looks pretty great here…Saturn kicks out of a hanging neckbreaker next…Saturn actually drags himself up in the corner and tries to win a punch-up, but he’s pretty much out...Kanyon hits more offense, some of which doesn’t look great…The way Kanyon envisions some of these moves don’t match up with how they look when actually executed… Saturn hits two overhead suplexes and finds one last bit of energy…He looks like he might actually win the match, so Lodi jumps up and orders Saturn to let Kanyon hit him with a Flatliner…Saturn, who values his word, takes a Flatliner…Kanyon wins it…OK, I went from excited for Raven/Meng to excited for Saturn/Meng to disappointed that we got an angle instead of a match to seeing the rest of the angle play out with the Kanyon/Saturn match and loving it…This screams “This was Raven’s idea and he went to Kevin Sullivan to help shape it for TV”…I’m not trying to hate on Bischoff, but he usually gives a lot of credit for the midcard stuff that worked out to the workers involved and Sullivan…I can’t believe this angle is having the sort of third wind that Saturn somehow found in this last match…The Saturn/Lodi aspect of the angle has injected quite a bit of entertainment into the dying days of this feud… Well, after that unexpectedly excellent pair of segments, we get a Crush match…You take the good, you take the bad, you take the best, and then you have…A typical Thunder in 1998…Dean Malenko makes his way to the ring to face Crush, but Hennig jumps Malenko in the aisle…Nevermind, it’s another angle, not a match…Malenko actually does fight back for a bit, but the numbers game very quickly gets to him…Rude hits a swinging neckbreaker (maybe because he can’t drop straight down?) and swivels his hips…Hennig calls back to the previous Fall Brawl in which he destroyed the Horsemen and then answers a challenge Malenko apparently made to Hennig for a cage match…Hennig declines the challenge under the assumption and hope that Malenko is now too injured to have said match…They put some fencing on top of him and then leave… Norman Smiley gets television time for two major shows in a row!...He’s probably going to job to fucking Scotty Riggs though, unfortunately…Riggs fakes that his throat is still hurt from the TDG so that he can get the jump on Smiley, which is actually kind of cool…The WCW Matchmaking Committee made the cage match between Hennig and Malenko for the next Nitro, Malenko injury be damned…I assume we’ll be seeing Ric Flair on the next Nitro, then?...The crowd starts chanting homophobic slurs randomly…So uh, that happens…It was the ‘90s, people thought that shit was edgy at the time instead of just stupid and shitty…Hey, Smiley scores a legbar and manages a submission victory!...AW YEAH… The Armstrong Boys are here to tag up…No, not the one who is actually over…No, not the one whom everyone thinks should be over, either…It’s Scott and Steve…They face off with the Boogie Knights (w/o Tokyo Magnum, who I guess is back in Japan or touring Mexico or something, sadly)…This is a decent little semi-competitive tag match…The Armstrongs are goofy, though, just entirely too goofy…These are two heeling teams, so they both cheat liberally…Disco finally gets a hot tag after numerous cheating, distracting, and double-teaming shenanigans…Wright hits a neckbreaker for the victory… Tonight’s main event: Stevie Ray and the Giant versus Diamond Dallas Page and Konnan…It would be appropriate for Stevie to defend Scott Hall’s tag title for him considering what he did with Booker’s TV title…But instead, the tag titles are just off television…They should quickly switch them back onto Sting and Luger, at least…It’s a sad day when WCW books their tag titles worse than the WWF was booking their set of tag titles at the same time… The match is a perfectly acceptable one, particularly when the Giant’s facing off with DDP…It’s also too short to be bad, so there's that…We get dueling tags, and Stevie eventually gets control and Konnan plays FIP for a short segment…Konnan hits a hot tag to Page, who is cut off pretty quickly…He still manages to hit Stevie with a rebound Diamond Cutter…Giant breaks up the pinfall…A couple B-Teamers run down and the match is thrown out…Goldberg, the biggest star in this company, runs down for the save…Nice to see this guy on television, even if it's once again for about three seconds of work…Goldberg and Giant face off, visually promising a World Championship match that this company just refuses to give twelve minutes on PPV to... This show basically ended up as a solid collection of wrestling matches bolstered by the neat match/angle segments with Saturn, Lodi, and the Flock in the middle of it…WOOOO…

He actually hasn't talked that much yet. We've got, what, six more weeks with him, at least? I assume he disappears from television completely after Havoc. I'm fine with Warrior getting ten minutes a show to say nonsensical stuff to Hogan. I'm sure he'll unfortunately be getting more than that, though. I actually don't have a problem with shunting Hogan into a bunch of side feuds with guys from the '80s as long as it doesn't take up too much TV time. If WCW still has a large portion of viewers who want to see the stars of the '80s, fine. The problem is that Hogan wanted to main event every PPV and be the champ.

The problem is that, much like with John Milton's portrayal of Lucifer in Paradise Lost, the text added to the flag just makes Lucifer come off as a charismatic and loquacious being. That is the very last time that I will ever compare anything Milton wrote to anything Val fucking Venis wrote.

Show #155 – 31 August 1998 "The one where we play a guessing game that you’re totally going to win" I bet you can guess how this Nitro begins. Go on. Guess. I’ll leave some space so that you can scroll down and see the answer (which I know you’re going to get correct). Name whose theme music plays to start the show. Name the people who come out to that theme music (there are two). Name exactly whom those people talk smack about. Are you ready? Did you make your guesses? Maybe write them down? Bonus question: Do I think that this segment is good, mediocre, or terrible? I bet you can guess that too. I’ll leave the answer below at the bottom of this review. After the title sequence finally plays, Wrath comes out to kill off Jim Powers. It’s a solid squash match. The Meltdown is over and Wrath is looking like the next popular WCW hoss. Wrath stomps out Powers after the bell. That’s Powers’s WCW send-off, by the way, as he was out with a bad neck for near a decade. They work that Wrath destroyed Powers’s knee, and hopefully Wrath’ll get credit for putting Powers out of wrestling in video packages and interviews. There’s a live Nitro party at a school in Ohio with an unfortunate nickname. They get Kimberly, but back in the arena in Miami, the crowd gets Chae. Everybody wins! Norman Smiley, whom I desperately want to get more screen time, is unfortunately out here to get squashed by Scott Norton (w/Vincent). That’s a bummer, even if the squash is solid. Do something cool with Norman Smiley, dammit! Post-match, the Ultimate Warrior does his little light tricks and shows up in the catwalk. It’s way less cool than when Sting showed up in the catwalk. There’s a pre-taped interview with Mike Tenay and Saturn. Saturn is Lodi’s bag boy. The erstwhile Saturn recites a thing about being a former Army Ranger and a man of honor as he explains why he’s upholding the match stip from Thunder. And I do mean “recites,” as in I’m not sure that someone isn’t holding up cue cards for him just off camera. Konnan, Luger, and Kevin Nash come to the ring. There’s still no Sting. Nash and Konnan drop bars from No Limit songs. Why yes, Nash sounds like a doofus, how did you guess? I sort of tune out as Konnan hits his catchphrase roulette and have to rewind a bit because Luger mentions Sting, which perks me right up. I guess Hogan and the Hitman challenged Sting and Luger to a match tonight from off camera, and Luger says Sting’ll be here for it. Nash takes the mic again and announces that they drew straws to decide who would be on their War Games team. Konnan drew the short straw; I bet they planned it that way. Sting, Luger, and Nash will be the team. Nash tells Page that he has to make a decision on joining the Wolfpac next week and then threatens Piper and Warrior because they came out at the end of last Nitro and got in what Nash terms “Wolfpac business” and because he’s still beefing with WCW on sight. J.J. Dillon is in the ring with Tony S. to have a conversation with old Horsemen member Arn Anderson. Ric Flair is on his way back into the company very soon. A WE WANT FLAIR chant breaks out in anticipation. Dillon reminisces about how much he loved managing the Horsemen. I bet. Thirty percent of the cut from that group, what with all their championship and main event bonuses? WOOOOO, indeed. Dillon calls up an old promo from the mid ‘80s in which Arn Anderson is obviously a heel because he’s wearing a Yankees cap like some sort of scumbag Northerner. It’s a good promo, obviously, but the goal is to use it to get Arn to accept J.J. Dillon’s spot in the Horsemen. Not Ric’s spot, the dog Spot, etc., etc. Dillon isn’t the most exciting speaker, but eventually he gets around to the point; which is that Dillon managed and helped Arn when Arn was a young man, so how is he going to refuse to do the same to young guys who are looking to him? It’s a solid point. Chris Benoit and Mongo McMichael come to the ring and have a private (and animated) conversation with Arn, but Arn begs off before Dillon stops him and is like Come on man, how are you going to be like this? Then Dillon says that Arn’s afraid of being in the Dillon role. Arn’s still being a mopey little bitch about it, though. I know, I know. No one wants to be like J.J. Dillon in any way. But it’s your role now, Arn. We re-live the terrible Eddy Guerrero worked shoot, or at least part of it, on video. Then “Rockhouse” brings out Crush (w/Vincent). Ugh. We get a shot of Warrior chilling out in another part of the catwalk to watch. Meanwhile, Bisch is trying to punish Eddy Guerrero by forcing him to get beaten up by Crush. Eddy gets to the ring and is disinterested in the whole damn deal. As soon as the bell rings, he flops onto his back and tells Crush to cover him. Crush is confused because he’s a dolt. He wants a fight, so Eddy tries to coax a strike out of Crush so that he can fall over and get pinned. Crush finally tossed Eddy into the buckles and Eddy covers up while Crush throws strikes. Crush tries to get Eddy to swing, but Eddy just waits until he can get bealed. This didn’t need to be this long to get the point across. Crush finally takes a one-footed pinfall like two minutes after he should have figured it out. After the match, Eddy cuts another promo that bums me out. He’s SHOOTIN’ FOLKS, and they cut his mic after he alludes to Bischoff suing Ric Flair. Whatever. Ernest Miller faces Scotty Riggs. This match lasts longer than the Disco match Miller had on the previous Thunder. Whether that is good or bad depends on your perspective. Riggs dropkicks the Cat outside and then hits a splash. The Cat wisely pokes Riggs in Riggs’s good eye to gain control. He follows up with kicks and chokes. It takes two Feliners to put Riggs down, and I’m not sure what the deal was with the pinfall after the first one. It looked like between Riggs, Miller, and Mark Curtis, not all of them agreed on whether or not that was supposed to be the finish. Miller cuts another basura promo about karate being more powerful than pro wrestling after the match. The Wolfpac theme hits once again and brings Konnan to the ring. Alone, of course. Not that Konnan really needs anyone watching his back to beat Marty Jannetty (w/sexy funk theme). Konnan has few issues with Jannetty early and sends Marty bailing with a rolling lariat. Konnan busts out a strange-looking headscissors for awhile, then gets to standing and runs with Marty for awhile until Jannetty scores a superkick after blocking a roll-up. Jannetty hits some decent offense in control, and I’m wondering how it’s 1998 and this guy hasn’t figured out that rainbow tights aren’t the in-look right now. At least he got rid of the tassels. Jannetty continues to beat on Konnan in this boilerplate singles match for TV that neither excites nor disappoints. Did it need to be this long? Did we need Jannetty to sink in a chinlock on two separate occasions for nearly a minute’s time total? These questions are, of course, rhetorical. I mean, this thing goes on for-fucking-ever, actually, and I’m souring on it because of the length. It takes about twelve years before Konnan finally hits his sit-out facebuster and locks on the Tequila Sunrise for a victory. Raven and Saturn are mired in their feud, still, and Kanyon has switched sides (again?) to boot. Those three come out with Lodi, and Lodi makes Saturn carry a sign. Raven via Lodi forbids Saturn from touching either himself or Kanyon. There are shenanigans with the mic; it gets dropped. I think it's malfunctioning. Kanyon cuts a bad promo, as is Kanyon’s way. Then, Kanyon dares Saturn to go against direct order and hit him. He cribs from A Few Good Men to do it. Saturn refuses, so Raven mocks him for being a person who honors his words and then leaves him behind to tag with Lodi against High Voltage. Kaos comes out and daps fans while Rage threatens to fight them. This is not part of any angle; Rage is just juiced, man, he’s juiced and he’s angry and he doesn’t understand why. Lodi demands to begin the match and – you won’t believe this, but it’s true – matches power with Rage and loses badly. Lodi wisely tags out so Saturn can try Rage. Saturn also eats a shoulderblock, then tries to test Rage again and gets press slammed. PUSH ROBBIE RAGE, DAMMIT. I do think there’s a very fun midcard power wrestler somewhere in there. Anyway, Saturn scores a lariat, and Lodi wants to tag in until he sees Rage tag in the fresh man. Saturn is game for this match and controls for a bit, but eventually eats a few nice High Voltage double-teams. This is a pretty good segment where Saturn is clearly a couple levels above either Rage or Kaos, but together, Rage and Kaos are good at covering for one another when Saturn gets a tiny advantage. Finally though, Saturn DVDs his way out of trouble, and Lodi demands the tag so that he can pin Rage. The look of disgust on Saturn’s face cracks me up. This feud is so long in the tooth, but I do think this last little bit with Saturn being at Lodi’s whim freshens it up enough that I don’t mind waiting another couple weeks for the end. DDP cuts his typical crappy babyface promo in the ring, this time with Tony S. Good guy Page shouts out Toms River, NJ for actually winning a LLWS for the United States – it got rough there for awhile in the’80s and ‘90s when Japan was churning out a bunch of twelve-year-old Shohei Ohtanis – and then uses the example of a TEAM doing TEAMWORK as a way in to talking about War Games. The promo is bad; we don’t need to elaborate on how bad it is. Eventually, Page introduces Roddy Piper. Roddy Piper Knows Pop Culture: Marilyn Manson (he says that Bret is WCW’s version of Manson, which, um, what?!), Barney the Dinosaur, Power Rangers, and lots of product placement (from Schwinn to Johnson and Johnson baby powder). He tells this fucking STORY, this interminable fucking STORY, about young Bret Hart, and as he tells it, Piper basically sounds like a raging asshole who can barely remember the key points of his story that he wants to use to try and run the Hitman down. The Giant runs down to attack both guys and is winning, and he’s the babyface here because he shut these two idiots up. HAND OUT SOME CHOKESLAMS, BIG MAN. Doug Dellinger and a few uniformed mooks run down to stop the somewhat mild carnage. These cops handcuff the Giant and lead him off. This is nonsense. Why is this run-in the one that leads to an arrest, now? It was a boilerplate run-in. Bischoff looked at WWF programming, even if he doesn’t admit it, and thought Wow, they’re arresting Stone Cold, that looks edgy without understanding why it worked that Stone Cold specifically was the guy getting cuffed and frog-marched out. Scott Steiner needs a jolt to this feud with Rick Steiner like the Flock angle got with Saturn becoming Lodi’s servant. Adding this spaced-out doctor to second Scotty to the ring ain't that jolt. I am counting the shows until we get a few of these angles over and done with at Fall Brawl. At least Scotty’s testing some of his “peaks and freaks” stuff that’s going to actually get his heel act over. He’s basically trying to find that “Superstar Billy Graham, but in the ‘90s” pinpoint to his act, and I’m hoping he gets there sooner rather than later. He rambles on about his fake injury because he’s trying to dodge a match with his doltish brother. Then Buff Bagwell comes out about two steps away from being in blackface. Yeah, this show is getting a negative number, isn’t it? The microphone, which has been on the fritz since Kanyon dropped it a few segments ago, cut out on Page and Piper a bit and cuts out on Buff, too. That mic is sentient, I know it. I bet if the Rock were out here cutting a promo, it would find a way to work perfectly. Anyway, this is an even worse segment than the one where Piper and Page cut babyface promos, so suffice it to say that we should move on. Oh yeah, Rick Steiner comes out and scares everyone away, just in case you were wondering. This show has been deeply awful. Juvi Guerrera comes out to try and at least salvage a segment by defending his Cruiserweight title against Evan Karagias, whom we last saw…um…losing to Kaz Hayashi on Thunder. Yeah, that warrants a title shot. Why, oh why, does WCW insist on making so many semi-competitive jobber matches into title matches? Is it to claim that they had [X] amount of title defenses on Nitro compared to RAW, so watch Nitro if you don’t want to have to pay to see wrestlers defend their title? I don’t know, but man, it just looks stupid as hell having a jobber who I’m not sure has ever won on either Nitro or Thunder get a title shot. This match is fine. Karagias is the worst guy in the Three Count/Jung Dragons feud that I cannot wait to see, like I am hyped just thinking of Shane Helms and Shannon Moore dancing around like idiots to their top-shelf theme song, but he tries hard here because he wants more TV time, and he works as the power base against Juvi’s speed and aerial attack. The crowd is far more interested in some dude in the crowd getting ejected from the arena or some lady showing her boobs or something, who the fuck knows. Anyway, the crowd just shits on this match, which is a shame, as it’s perfectly acceptable TV wrestling. The crowd stops chanting BORING long enough to turn back around and chant TAKE IT OFF. Yeah, I think “lady showing her boobs” is the answer to the “what is the crowd looking at” question. In any case, this is a surprisingly competitive match, which I think is a total mistake since Karagias has been nothing but a jobber on television. Juvi eventually flips backward and out of a hold and into position to drop Karagias with a Juvi Driver. Not bad, but not the right match for these competitors. It ran long and made Juvi look more like a jobber than it made Karagias look like a contender. World Television Champion Chris Jericho is out next to defend against Disco Inferno. Before the match, Jericho randomly speaks like Swedish Chef from the Muppets for some reason. He’s just feeling himself and saying what the hell ever he wants because he knows he’s on fire. You won’t be shocked to find out that this is a fun little TV match. Something about the TV title gets Disco kayfabe (and shoot?) focused; he fires off a neckbreaker and stomps a mudhole, then stuffs a Jericho comeback with a slam. He dances and naturally whiffs on a fistdrop, though. Lucky for Disco, Jericho tries a wimpy pin and gives Disco a breather. Disco kicks out at one, hits a sweet lariat, and unloads with a ton of high-impact offense that gets a couple of two-counts. Jericho reverses and hits a German suplex with a bridge, almost out of desperation, for two of his own. Disco gets back to standing and manages to dodge a backdrop and hit a Chartbuster (!!!) that gets a delayed 2.9 when Disco takes some time to cover and Jericho finds the strength to put his boot up on the ropes. Disco runs at Jericho again and runs at Jericho, who grabs Disco, dumps him, and locks on a Walls of Jericho. Disco fights it and almost makes the ropes, but Jericho drags Disco back into the center of the ring and gets a submission. The crowd actually gave a fuck about this even though they’ve been indifferent all night to the in-ring work. Wow, put two good workers in who have a little bit of shine on them and have them wrestle a competitive match, and this is what you get. Who would have thought?! Kevin Nash joins the desk to observe Goldberg’s entrance. Goldberg comes out to face, uh, Al Greene for the title? Fuck off, WCW. Goldberg wins it. Nash talks about the prospect of fighting Goldberg and promises to put the first defeat on Goldberg’s ledger. Yep. Michael Buffer comes out to ring announce the main event, smoothly ducks a missile from the crowd, and without missing a beat, hits his ARE YOU READY catchphrase. I don’t care that. at some point, Buffer stopped caring enough to do his job properly in WCW because WCW in mid-1998 can make anyone stop caring. I’m finding it hard to care right now. Speaking of, instead of giving us Hitman Hart vs. Hollywood Hogan, they put these two in a makeshift tag team with Bret as a heel. Yuck. Anyway, they’ll face Luger and Sting, as established earlier tonight. Luger and Bret start out. Luger wins with power, so Bret quickly outmaneuvers him and wins a few stomps before Luger fires back with called punches (AUOWGH AUOWGH AUOWGH). Heenan babbles something nonsensical about the Melendez Brothers because his talking is about as much a benefit to this show as Roddy Piper's is. I will say this for the pervy uncle gimmick (and IRL personality?!) that Lawler is doing on commentary over on RAW, but at least it fits with the aesthetic of the company and is, though very gross, modern for its time and place in American pro wrestling. I really hate that I hate Bobby Heenan’s work in WCW this much outside of a couple of flashes of brilliance (laughing at Duggan being smart for a whole match, WHO'S SIDE IS HE ON?!). Then again, his time in WWF was also running out; he maybe had a shelf-life of another year or two before the programming started to turn against his style in 1996; he would have been completely useless in 1997 WWF. The reason that I talked about Heenan so much is that this match is a total zero. Hart blind tags Hogan to tease dissension, and the heels embark on a dull beatdown of Luger, who you won’t be surprised to know is playing a mediocre FIP. Luger hits Hart with a vertical suplex, and I am begging for Sting to actually do something in this match. But no, Hart gets up and easily cuts Luger off. About a minute later, we get a double clothesline and finally, a hot tag. Sting his a Stinger Splash and then Hogan and Disciple fuck up a spot where Disciple is supposed to shove Hogan out of the way, so Sting, who has stopped himself from leaping into another Stinger Splash in time, goes back and tries yet again so that Disciple can complete the spot. "Immersion breaking" is the kind way to describe that spot. The only place we can go from there is into a wet fart of a finish where Hogan uses the weight belt on Sting, but Bret rips the belt away since he’s pretending to be buds with Sting. Hogan and Bret bicker outside the ring and get counted out. Then, Hogan and Bret shove each other in the ring and everyone in nWo Hollywood comes out to referee their disagreement while the ring fills up with smoke. The lights go out, and when they come back on, Warrior is in the ring and everyone in the nWo is face down except for Hogan, who has a DOO DOO DOO DOOKIE look on his face. Warrior is like LOL U POOPED, but in fairness to him, he makes this claim somewhat subtly (for pro wrestling) and Hogan hightails it out of there to end the show. Remember when WCW would put on semi-competitive matches between guys on the same level on every Nitro, rather than having jobbers and opening guys all over the card like it’s WCWSN? Remember that? They don’t even build these new wrestlers up or give them characters or vignettes. Look, you want to push Evan Karagias, fine, but give him a fucking gimmick and some wins over lesser talent first. The Al Greene booking worked okay in the moment in the sense that Goldberg is so over and the live crowd just wants to see him kill dudes, but I’ve seen that five hundred times already on TV, so him killing jobbers is a zero for me at this point. And I mean, even barring all the bad booking and poor pacing and crappy angles, there’s a cap on this score because (here’s the answer to the quiz at the beginning of this entry) Hogan and Bischoff started the show on the wrong foot. They came out to “Rockhouse” and talked smack about DDP, Warrior, Goldberg, and Eddy Guerrero. Hogan placed Stevie Ray on his nWo Hollywood War Games team, which knocks the score down an extra quarter Stinger Splash because of the audacity of blatantly telegraphing the guy who is going to take the fall in War Games. And then to top it all off, he called out Warrior (who walked down the aisle before the music sped up so that he could use most of his energy to shake the ropes, hahaha) for another gab session, only for Warrior to, rather than say anything or throw hands, go hide under the ring for the next few segments disappear. Knock it down another half-Stinger Splash for the length of the segment leading to an anti-climax. The opening segment, as is usual for the past few weeks, sucked and was terrible. Let me guess, you nailed our little pop quiz with a perfect score. Well, at least something involved with this Nitro review gets a perfect score! -2 out of 5 Stinger Splashes.

Bischoff very disingenuously points to gate receipts, buys, and segment ratings to say that his creative direction in 1998 was obviously right, but I've heard him say that there is a lag between quality of shows and financial success in the wrestling business. I wonder if he knows better, but makes the argument anyway. Or is it just that he buys his own sleazy used car salesman act and doesn't see the flaw in his argument about what he's booking in '98? To be fair, they had a two-month period in '98 where everything was clicking and it seemed like they might get creatively hit again, but no dice. Other than that period, it's no wonder that WCW was in the mud by early 1999.

Old dads Eric Bischoff and Hulk Hogan disagree with you, and they'll put on leather jackets and get on their Harleys to ride to your house and tell you.

Depressingly, everywhere my money goes, whether for necessities or luxuries, seems to fund some asshole somewhere, so I'm somewhat inured. Only somewhat, though. I did ditch the WWE Network, but when they made a deal with NBC Comcast to put it on Peacock, I didn't cancel Peacock or anything. I'm trying not to go full Eleanor Shellstrop, but it's exhausting trying to dodge assholes and make sure not to fund them.

I finished collecting all the beetles I needed for sculptures on the last day of summer in 2023, thank goodness.

Thunder Interlude – show number twenty-nine – 26 August 1998 "The WCW Gang only has a couple main eventers pop in and puts on a better show for it” I’m relieved to be watching another Thunder interlude…There’s a reasonable possibility that Hogan and Warrior simply won’t be working Wednesdays or Thursdays…That immediately offers prospect of a better show… We once again start with a Wrath match, which is cool with me…Wrath’s opponent is ARRRRRRRRRR ME MATEY, IT’S VAMPIRE PIRATE SCOTT PUTSKI…Lee Marshall promises us a Kaz Hayashi match later on…Nitro gave us that stuff too, but Nitro stunk…I’ll keep my hopes lowered for this show in spite of the early promise so I don't get burned…Wrath dominates early…Putski’s game tonight, but he really doesn’t have anything for Wrath…Wrath scores a shoulderblock and then hits the pumphandle-into-powerslam known as the Meltdown…That’s a slightly more appropriate finisher name for your WWF gimmick, dude…The crowd likes the Meltdown, by the way… Stevie Ray and Vincent meet Tony S. on the ramp for an interview…He explains why he joined nWo Hollywood…He says that J.J. Dillon ruined his relationship with his brother…He says that he owes a debt to Hogan and Bischoff for helping him a few years ago…OK, I guess…That wasn’t foreshadowed at all as Stevie's logic for the turn…Had he said that he joined because he was angry at J.J. Dillon for ruining his relationship with his brother, okay, that’d make sense…Weak reasoning for the heel turn from the heel’s point of view…Obviously, the "real" reasoning is sibling rivalry…Stevie Ray lays down the gauntlet to DDP for later tonight… Mike Enos wrestles Bull Pain, huh, a Bull Pain sighting on Thunder…Bull Pain tries hard, and Enos is a solid worker, so it’s entertaining stuff…This matchup is maybe more suitable for Worldwide or SN than Thunder…But Enos getting a few wins so that he’s actually theoretically a threat to the midcarders slightly above him is fine…Pain takes an overhead belly-to-belly on the floor…I would be bumping like mad to try and get a taste of that late ‘90s wrestling boom money, too…Enos hits a second-rope fallaway slam for three…That was certainly fun…I can’t complain about these weird, enjoyable little TV matches… Ernest Miller is on Thunder; he cuts off his opponent Disco and keeps him from dancing…Disco dutifully complies and Miller kicks Disco from behind while Disco’s taking his jacket off…Miller hits another kick, gets three, and then cuts a truly awful promo, especially for a guy with a reasonable amount of charisma…He says that he’s a karate master, dammit, a champion of karate, and karate will always beat wrestling…Then he drops his first I’M THE GREATEST, which doesn’t save this terrible promo, but which does portend better and more enjoyable Ernest Miller promos in the future… Silver King and his magnificent cowboy hat are next up against Konnan…Konnan hits his catchphrases…After a little selling, he hits his signature moves, including his finisher…I can’t express enough how crowd-pleasing the fans find all of these things…I did not remember Konnan being this over…Rick Rude leads a bunch of B-Teamers down to threaten Konnan after the match…The Wolfpac continues to fail at the one thing they should be good at based on their name…The B-Teamers let him choose who to fight…Konnan considers it while edging toward the side of the ring that exits toward the ramp, challenges everyone at once, and takes off when they all rush in…Sure, whatever… Diamond Dallas Page comes through the crowd…He interviews with Tony S. in the ring…Page cuts a typically crappy babyface promo with all the requisite stupid nicknames he has for Hogan, Bisch, et al. included…Oddly, Page pretends that Warrior isn’t necessarily on Team WCW for War Games yet, though even our interviewer Tony S. even thinks the WCW team is set…He does accept Stevie Ray’s challenge for tonight… Man, a lot of vets got the show off tonight because we get an Evan Karagias – spelled Evan Kourageous in the chyron – makes a rare showing on a big two WCW show (at least before the year 2000)…He ignites a very, very, very early rivalry with Kaz Hayashi in this match…I am unabashedly excited to relive the Three Count/Jung Dragons feud at some point in the next 12-24 months…Karagias wins the early wrist-and-headlock exchanges…Karagias finally gets off the mat and into the air, scoring a crossbody…Karagias comes back with strikes and a floatover powerslam for two…Sonny Onoo comes out onto the ramp to scout…Hayashi is distracted, but hits a vertical suplex and a senton splash…then is distracted by Onoo again, which allows Karagias to make a comeback…Karagias hits a front slam and tries a top-rope splash, but he eats knees…Kaz quickly plants Karagias and hits a top-rope senton splash for three…Onoo has sunglasses on, but he hits the flirty eyes with Kaz anyway…Kaz seems skeptical about giving thirty percent of his money to a guy who broke up with his only successful WCW client…Understandable… Saturn strolls out as Lodi barks at him from the ring…Lodi and his kayfabe broken fingers challenge Saturn to a match..Of course, Lodi solely blames Saturn for breaking his fingers and ignores any part Raven played in it…Saturn is like, Nah, I would kill you kid, I don’t want to do that tonight…Lodi responds with WHAT ARE YA, SCARED?! and the crowd goes OOOOOH like a bunch of schoolkids trying to egg on two third-grade boys to throw hands…It made me laugh…Lodi sweetens the pot by saying that he’ll leave the Flock if Saturn wins, but if Lodi wins, Saturn has to be Lodi’s personal servant until Fall Brawl…Saturn accepts…You know what happens: Saturn kills Lodi, the Flock runs in, Raven gets involved, the typical stuff…The only new twist in all this is that Kanyon comes down and hits Saturn with a Flatliner, then shakes Raven’s hand and tosses Lodi on top of Saturn for three…This story is incredibly stupid and played out, so sure, throw in a Kanyon turn and Saturn as Lodi’s personal servant for a couple of weeks on top of it all… Scott Norton comes to the ring to kill Jim Neidhart…Neidhart is a babyface tonight…You can tell because he yells YEAH BABY instead of SHUT UP…Norton shoulderblocks the Anvil outside…Vincent can’t even get fists in on Neidhart of all people without desperately needing help from Norton…This is a pretty boring squash…It could have been shorter…Norton no-sells a diving clothesline from Anvil…Norton powerbomb, three, and we’re out… Chris Jericho is in the arena to defend his TV title…This guy is very over…There are quite a few pro- and anti-Jericho signs in the crowd…Tony S. says the chorus of boos is deafening, but the crowd pretty much appreciatively applauds when he jumps around in the middle of the ring…Alex Wright has earned a TV title shot tonight…Wright is a heel because he’s a foreigner and he likes electronic music…This fickle crowd chants JERICHO SUCKS…I appreciate that they at least crap on him when it counts…Someone tosses a Big Gulp at Jericho, so he picks it up, drinks from it, and tosses it back…That gets a pop, whoops…I respect Peoria for at least trying to boo this guy Jericho most of the time, but I understand why that's hard… Earlier in the watch, when Jericho showed up in WCW as a bland babyface, I wondered why I ever thought this guy was a legitimate main eventer…I just needed to relive Jericho’s heel run in ’97-’98…I still don’t think he’s more than a spot main eventer in a serious wrestling company for most of his career, but I do get why I (and so many other people) were adamant that he was a huge star at the time…This match starts out with both guys pretending that the other guy pulled their hair…It quickly moves to Wright suplexing Jericho on the mat and both men tossing each other into the guardrail…Wright is an aesthetically pleasing worker and this match is pacey and enjoyable…Wright gets two off a belly-to-belly…He walks into a jumping back kick from Jericho, though…They run through holds and even do some slightly awkward, but entertaining mat wrestling…Jericho eventually wins a Lionsault, but does his big steps taunt instead of going for a cover…That lets Wright get control and manage a two-count on a backbreaker…Wright gets another two-count on a wheel kick…This match screams that it’s going to the ten-minute time limit…We eventually get both men down, and when they’re up around eight, Jericho takes over, but celebrates and eats a Hot Shot…Wright goes up and badly misses a double axehandle, bashing his knee on the mat…A limping Wright tries to leap over and roll through a sunset flip, but Jericho keeps rolling and locks on a Lion Tamer…Wright taps…It didn’t go to the limit even if it felt like it went over ten minutes in real time…But yeah, that was a lovely little television bout… Curt Hennig (w/Rick Rude) faces Stunning Steve Austin Greg Valentine Van Hammer!...I still feel robbed that we never got a big man/little man Juvi and Hammer team…The consensus is that Van Hammer sucks, but I enjoy this guy…And I do think if you hide his issues by making him the big man hot tag in a big/little tag team, you get maximum value from him…It’s like putting Kane and X-Pac together as a tag team…That’s the most value Kane has ever brought from an in-ring standpoint…I digress…Hammer shoots Hennig over on the half for two…He then fires off a lariat that sends Hennig outside…Rude promises Hennig a quick distraction to help him get control…Rude does it and it works…The desk is understandably appreciative of the veteran wiles of Hennig and Rude…Hennig takes control and Rude liberally cheats where he can…Hammer really never gets back on track after Rude initially distracts him…Hennig casually wears Hammer down with lots of offense…Hammer gets a flash pin in there for two, but he ducks down shortly after and takes a PerfectPlex for three… Stevie Ray (w/Vincent) and Diamond Dallas Page make up tonight’s main event…Someone has a GOLDBERG – MAKE EM SAY UGH sign in the crowd, which places us squarely in 1998…Page can’t win the power game during the collar-and-elbow, so he dodges Stevie’s slow strikes…He even dares Stevie to throw a punch just so he can dodge it when Stevie gets mad and predictably whiffs…Page hits a side Russian and tries a Diamond Cutter, but Stevie bails…Stevie gets control with help from Vincent…Stevie does some dull offense…Vincent chimes in with some dull offense…Page claps Stevie’s ears to escape a bearhug, but Page runs into a boot…Stevie tries a Slapjack, but gets backdropped out of the attempt…Page fires off some offense…He signals for the Diamond Cutter, and Mark Curtis blows it as a ref….Vincent runs in and gets Diamond Cutter’d, but Curtis calls for the bell even though Page still had control…The Giant runs down to help Stevie double-team Page, but Konnan runs back out and pulls Page out of the ring… I wouldn’t say this show was great, but there was minimal talking, some enjoyable wrestling sprinkled in there, and some young talent got a chance to start working out their in-ring approaches on TV…That was a perfectly enjoyable two-hour show…WOOOO...

Nah, I'm still logging in every day. I am trying to complete every fish and bug sculpture. Waiting for the golden trout to come back in the spring, and then I'll look at everything else I still need to catch.

I was waiting for someone to suggest Yamaguchi of Kai-en-tai showing up in this angle as the only officially-trained Japanese mohel.

Maxx Payne is a fun garbage brawler, but you're not getting anything more out of him than you'd get out of post-prime Rocco Rock, IMO. Good guy to have on the roster, though.

Show #155 – 24 August 1998 "The one where Stevie Ray finally joins nWo Hollywood as the final piece of the B-Team puzzle" It’s Nitro in Chicago! This means that there’s a limo in the back. There’s always a limo in the back when we’re in Chicago, it seems like. This limo transported some of the worst personalities on this show to the arena and also Ms. Elizabeth. “Rockhouse” plays while Hogan poses, Bischoff waves to the crowd, and Disciple wastes space and too much of WCW’s salary budget. I blank out for a bit until Bischoff claims that he used his executive power to run Vader and Johnny B. Badd out of WCW and might just do the same to Eddy Guerrero and the Ultimate Warrior. I thought Schiller fired Bischoff from WCW leadership a few months back, or am I forgetting an angle where Bisch got that power back? Anyway, I perked up at the Vader and Badd mentions, but then Hogan started talking and I blank back out, pretty much. The short of it is that Hogan threatens Page and Goldberg and dismisses Warrior as a threat. Mike Enos comes out to, hey, face Wrath! I’m glad to see Wrath back on TV. Enos tries to win with strikes. It doesn’t work and ends with Enos getting launched into the guardrail outside the ring. Wrath brings himself back in the ring with a slingshot back elbow, then hits a knee, a butterfly suplex, and a senton splash all in a row for a two count. Enos is slung into the ropes but manages a floatover powerslam for two. They do a few dodges on running strike attempts that ends when Enos misses badly on a splash attempt and Wrath uses a pumphandle into a powerslam that earns a victory. That was a fun little opener, and I guess Wrath is, from a certain perspective, 1-0, huh? Larry Z. takes bows, and we get Nash/Goldberg recap while I wonder about that whole Dusty Rhodes “gag order” thing that Larry Z. has mentioned a couple times since then (including briefly tonight), but which has had zero traction on TV otherwise. Were they working toward a Larry Z./Dusty feud in 1998 based around retired wrestlers competing for control of Larry's commentary position? That sounds like hell. I don’t remember anything like this happening, and I’m hoping that’s because it didn’t happen and not because I’m getting old. Hey, another Kaz Hayashi sighting! It’s been a minute. He’s wrestling Dean Malenko, which seems like it should be a fun matchup. Malenko immediately trips Kaz and tries to ground him. He leans back on a chinlock, then releases it to hit a knee drop before going into a side headlock. Kaz gets back to his feet and hits a flurry of offense, but with zero transition, he walks into a backdrop for two and then gets head scissored. This is all cursory work because we’re getting a commercial break, so I’m fine with it filling time and not much else. During the break, Captain Picard throws Arnold (of Hey Arnold! fame) into a rock cliff while Knuckles and a Carolina Panthers player observe. Those Paramount+ commercials are something. Anyway, we’re back, and finally this match picks up as Malenko tries to use his power advantage and Kaz tries to use his speed. They just go as fast as possible, move after move, until Kaz gets a La Magistral for two, but misses a follow-up dropkick. That’s it for Kaz: We get a Malenko leg lariat, double-underhook powerbomb, and Texas Cloverleaf all in short order for the win. Because of how it was worked, with a break in the middle of a short match, there was nothing to it but MOVEZ~ in the second half of the match that ended abruptly after two minutes. Maybe have this match without a break taking up a huge chunk of it next time. The Wolfpac (minus Sting and, obviously, Randy Savage) come to the ring after a video package that hypes them. Man, I love the Wolfpac’s theme. The Wolfpac speaks on a bunch of stuff in the most boilerplate fashion they can. Konnan does his shtick and Nash declares war on nWo Hollywood. He’s also not pleased with Goldberg spearing him again. They did not have another beer summit, so I guess they’re not cool anymore. Nash says beer isn’t enough to make this right; Goldberg’s got to be his tag partner tonight against Hogan and the Giant. Goldberg’s music hits and Goldberg (w/security mooks) comes out to respond. So, Goldberg spends a full two minutes walking to the ring, doesn’t grab a mic, just yells YOU GOT IT while pointing at Nash, and then walks out while the crowd confusedly boos. What the fuck?! Who planned this response? Jim Neidhart is here, heeling it up. When he’s a face, he’s like YEAH BABY, but he’s a heel, so instead, he's like SHUT UP. Konnan comes right back out here to score what should be a routine victory. Neidhart gets knocked outside. He yells SHUT UP at the crowd. Back in the ring, Konnan works an armbar while I just want to see a facebuster and a cradle piledriver or something. Neidhart gets some bad offense in. Luckily, that doesn’t last long. Neidhart misses a second-rope elbow, and Konnan quickly hits a sitout facebuster and wraps on the Tequila Sunrise for what is, in fact, a routine victory. Stevie Ray comes out here to talk to Tony S. Stevie promises to deal with nWo Hollywood at a later date (Ed. note: He does), then promises to get the TV title back from Chris Jericho. While he’s doing that, Booker T. (!!!) comes down. He’s been on vacation healing up from his TV title run, and now he’s back and pretty irritated that Stevie just took his shit and defended the belt as if he won it. Stevie’s like YOU ARE LETTING THE WHITE FOLKS RUNNING THIS COMPANY PIMP YOU OUT (he doesn’t say the words “white folks,” but that’s the clear implication – he just uses J.J. Dillon as his stand-in for that term). Booker is like Um, I just like winning titles, and you were injured, so I won a title by myself, and why are you so mad about that? Tony S. ups the tension when he notes that THE WHITE FOLKS PIMPING BOOKER T. OUT J.J. Dillon has made Booker the number one contender to the United States Championship that’s held by the Hitman. Stevie Ray has a total freakout at this because he’s desperately trying to cling to his meal ticket brother’s love and respect. Wow, there’s a lot of subtext in this segment, huh? Tony S. is now in the ring to interview Diamond Dallas Page. There is just too much talking in this show, except from Goldberg, who spent more time walking than talking. Page cuts a terrible babyface promo, as is typical. Roddy Piper comes out and cuts a worse promo than that. Roddy Piper Knows Pop Culture: Eddy Munster, Mick Jagger, Sammy Sosa (cheap pop, but at least it’s someone relevant in 1998), Bill and Hillary Clinton (obligatory). Piper is on the WCW team for War Games. DDP/Warrior/Piper is truly a dumpster fire of a trios team in 1998. Poor Page. His last three PPVs, he’ll have had these tag partners: Karl Malone, Jay Leno, Roddy Piper, and Ultimate Warrior. Malone is the second-best worker on that list (and possibly the first, depending on how you feel about 1998 Piper)! I’ve totally checked out of this show at this point. Mongo McMichael faces Scotty Riggs, but I’m just waiting for the Bret Hart/Booker T. match later tonight. That’s all this show has for me (Ed. note: This is why I shouldn't get hyped for a match that isn't on PPV). The big tag match might be okay, too, even with late ’98 Hogan involved. Riggs gets a few kicks in, but Mongo roars back with a big lariat and a pretty nice bulldog, actually. This match isn’t great, but it’s entertaining enough. Riggs catches Mongo with a dropkick on a rope run. Riggs does have a really nice dropkick. It’s not quite Bob Holly-level where Holly could have legitimately used his dropkick as a finisher, and I wouldn’t have batted an eye about it. It’s nice, though. Riggs follows up with some offense that mostly stinks, but he gets all cocky and eventually eats a big boot on a corner charge. Mongo hits the three-point tackle twice, and these only make slightly more contact than Hacksaw Duggan’s awful looking football spear in the Mid-South era. Mongo tries a Mongo Spike and Riggs blocks it, but Mongo catches Riggs coming off an Irish Whip and Spikes him for the win. Post-match, Horace Hogan and Sick Boy run out and Hogan waffles Mongo in the dome with the sign, woof. That sign was gimmicked, I hope. Malenko runs in for the save. Malenko destroys both guys, but then Saturn runs out to pull Malenko off Sick Boy. Then, randomly, Saturn dives at Horace outside, so I’m not sure what the heck Saturn’s motivation is. At the least, Mongo and Malenko stand tall; Mongo throws up the four fingers and tries to get Malenko to do it, but in a nice touch, Malenko remembers that dressing down Arn gave him a few weeks back about not being a Horseman and opts for a simple handshake. The crowd really wants to see the Horseman re-form, let me tell you! Scott Norton faces Rick Fuller in a match where they just chop the crap out of each other for most of this in between Norton hitting suplexes and then a powerbomb for three. That was a fun little minute-long match. Well, the post-match stuff in Mongo/Riggs and then Norton/Fuller was a nice pair of segments, so let’s see where this show goes. It goes to Scott Steiner (w/Doc – that’s what the chyron names Scotty’s fake doctor) coming out and challenging Rick Steiner to a match tonight instead of at Fall Brawl. I don’t remember Scott Steiner being somewhat awful at heeling for so long after his heel turn, though tonight, he’s very prescient. He notes that the Bulls were a joke franchise before MJ got there (true) and that they’d be a joke franchise going forward now that he'd retired (also true). He also notes that since these fans need another athlete to put on a pedestal now that MJ’s gone, it might as well be him. Huh, Scotty hit with a few decent heel lines for once. Anyway, the “doctor” chimes in, but this whole thing with him is dumb. The point is that Rick Steiner’s not here and Buff is dressed as Ricky again. Because it was so funny the first time he did it, you see. Alright, I’m blanking back out. There’s a whole bad segment here where Buff acts like a dog, like the last time this happened, and whereas some people can repeat a bad joke multiple times until it’s funny – David Letterman, as an example – some people can’t. Scott Steiner and Buff Bagwell can’t. Now it’s Crush (w/Vincent). Aw man. These shows are too long to be this mediocre-to-bad. Lex Luger comes out to yell AUGWRHGWUH and take a bunch of bad clubbering offense (and maybe a nice tilt-a-whirl slam if he feels like it) before making a comeback, forearms, Rack, etc. I didn’t want to see this match in 1994 WWF, so you know I have zero interest in it here in 1998 WCW. Ew, there’s a relatively long headscissors spot in this. That’s all you need to know other than the finish, which is Vincent ineffectually trying to interfere before Luger racks Crush anyway and wins the match. The Ultimate Warrior’s entrance music is pretty good, actually. It’s slow while he walks out in the darkness and raises his arms, then speeds up so that Warrior can run to the ring. Warrior is waring a jacket with OWN on the back, and I’m assuming that he’s going to kidnap (and possibly sexually assault) his first convert to the One Warrior Nation soon. Warrior is totally blown up and huffing heavily while on the mic. Holy shit, this guy is a mess. Is it any shock that his heart blew up a decade and change from now? Warrior cuts a bad promo, as if you couldn’t guess, but he is really out of breath while he does it, which is funny to me. How is this guy going to get through a 25-minute match at Havoc? Warrior talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and I think gets around to intimating that he’s going to fuck with Hogan’s life during the main event tag match tonight and maybe also next week on Nitro. Man, Warrior cutting 1988 promos in 1998 is a mess. I love that he’s trying to get over a catchphrase (“Same Warrior time, same Warrior place, same Warrior channel”), though. It’s not MOST ELECTRIFYING or GIMME A HELL YEAH or DO YOU SMELL or even OH YOU DIDN’T KNOW or HELLO LADIES, but you know. It’s an attempt. Curt Hennig walks out alone to face, um, Chris Jericho? OK, sure. This is both a Nitro-ass Nitro matchup and almost assuredly something not very good because of the style clash. Jericho takes a pro-Jericho sign from a fan, rips it up, and elbowdrops the pieces in the aisle. Hennig kayfabe, and probably also shoot, gets a kick out of Jericho’s ostentatious entrance. Hennig steps out of a grapple attempt and Jericho shadowboxes. Jericho gets pushed up against the ropes and screams about hair pulls. Hennig hits a single-leg takedown and awards himself two points. This is good so far, actually. It's because they're two cocky heels who have a natural disdain for one another's cockiness. They trade disrespectful slaps in the corner, then go nose to nose, and Hennig is so pissed off that he headbutts the guy and chops him. They trade chops before Hennig kicks Jericho in the balls. Huh, this is way better than I thought it’d be. Hennig hits a neck snap, but Jericho fights back with a jumping back kick when he’s standing again. Hennig hits a garbage-looking dragon screw after catching a Jericho kick. They end up chopping each other outside before Jericho takes out Hennig’s leg so that Hennig can flip bump onto his head. Jericho lands the corner springboard dropkick, then a second-rope missile dropkick and a vertical suplex. A wimpy pin gets a whole two count, wow. They run the ropes, but Jericho sidesteps a dropkick attempt and attempts the Walls of Jericho; Hennig gets to the ropes. Jericho thinks he’s won and is blindsided by Hennig, who tries a PerfectPlex; Jericho rolls through it to get two on a small package, and that’s about it for the match as the bell rings. Wow, I didn’t know we were still allowed to have ten-minute time limit draws for this belt. Jericho and Hennig continue to brawl after the match, but the Giant comes out and goozles Hennig, then shoves him away from Jericho. Hennig is heated, so whatever the Giant’s reason for protecting Jericho is, the B-Teamers aren’t in on it. I was entirely wrong about the quality of this match; give these two credit for having a match where both guys were cocky heels who didn’t feel like they received enough respect from one another. It came through in the work. Stevie and Booker are not pleased with one another backstage before the first of the two big matches for the night. Bret Hart comes to the ring to defend the U.S. Championship against Booker. He grabs a mic before the match and reminds the fans that he thinks they suck. His whole “you people love bad guys now” deal worked way better in the WWF than WCW. I know that there are nWo fans out there, but most of them love the tweener-leaning-face Wolfpac, not the solidly heelish Hollywood. He tries to pitch Sting again – hey, Sting hasn’t been on TV for a few shows, and they continue to drop the ball on a guy who is way over. The Hitman says the word “ass” twice because he’s a bad guy now, and he drops the mic. Book’s music plays, but Booker is nowhere to be found. Maybe we’ll find out what happened to him after the break. Hey, it’s after the break, and it’s strongly implied that Stevie busted up Booker’s knee backstage so that Stevie could take his Booker’s title shot for himself. Does this move the angle along? Yes. Does it make me irritated that we got bait-and-switched out of a Bret/Booker matchup? Very much yes. I feel somewhat deflated about it. Stevie tries to pretend that someone else beat up Booker and questions Bret about it; Giant and Hennig have made up in the back, I guess, and they come down along with Scott Steiner, a few B-Teamers and a black-and-white t-shirt. Bret recruits Stevie by offering the alternative of an ass whooping if he doesn’t put the shirt on. Stevie takes the deal. Man, the hell with y’all for getting my hopes up about this match, WCW. Hogan and the Giant (w/Disciple) come to the ring as I contemplate how bummed I am that the one match I was looking forward to ended up being simply a weeks-long telegraphed Stevie Ray heel turn. A young child vibes to the Wolfpac theme while Nash comes to the ring, which is my favorite thing I’ve seen on this whole show, actually. Goldberg does another long walk to the ring. This guy needs to cut more short promos. He only shows up like once a Nitro; give him two minutes to threaten to murder a dude on top of that appearance. Goldberg and Nash do give each other daps though, so they seem on the same page again. Giant and Nash start. This feud is still simmering in the background along with Nash feuding with Hall and Hogan, and I do think that (spike powerbomb) aside, Nash and Giant have good chemistry. They beat each other up and then stalemate on a double clothesline and then a double big boot. Nash tags Goldberg to a huge pop, and Hogan tags in as well. Goldberg handily wins a collar-and-elbow to a huge pop. Nobody wants to see Goldberg selling for Hogan’s shitty offense, which does happen. Goldberg/Hogan should have been worked like Lesnar/Hogan in 2004 every time. Goldberg no-sells some noggin knockers, and then he hits three shoulder blocks until the Disciple grabs the big gold, swings, and hits Goldberg in the back. This allows Hogan to do some more chokes Nash chases Disciple, but Giant and Hennig jump Nash. Why isn’t the Wolfpac out here? Why have a Wolfpac if they’re never around to counter Hollywood? This is so stupid. Anyway, it ends up four-on-two before Lex Luger finally decides to run down. Konnan also gets down there about a year later. Boy, did this last couple of matches fizzle out into a bunch of crap. Goldberg gives everyone what they want by spearing and Jackhammering Hennig. Wait, so Goldberg pins Hennig and Mickey Jay counts it for a pinfall? What THEE fuck? Fuck off once more, WCW. Nash accidentally hits Goldberg in the post-match melee, but Goldberg shrugs it off to face the Giant, who lariats Goldberg to the floor. Finally, Warrior, Page, and Piper run down and clear out Hollywood to a huge pop. Now, I will say that WCW getting some shine and fucking up nWo Hollywood is a good thing! The downside is that Warrior and Piper are two of the guys getting that shine instead of two actual long-term WCW guys. This show sucked. Hennig/Jericho was a surprising bright spot. Wrath’s return was fun. But between the bait-and-switches, the nonsensical main event ending, and all the bad talking, this was a pretty unenjoyable three hours! 1.5 out of 5 Stinger Splashes.

Loved seeing that guy on TV. Totally because I dug the Steiner Bros. music and got to hear it again when he'd come out, but still, that's a point in his favor.

You know the famous cartoon showing a New Yorker's view of the world from Ninth Ave.? That cartoon explains Pettengil. Loud NYer who thinks everything outside of NYC is New Jersey, Florida, Texas, or California. The idea that white folks from the Appalachians and white folks from rural Arkansas have any differences are too much for a guy like him.

TL Hopper! Freddie Joe Floyd! Salvatore Sincere! The Stalker! And in two weeks after their debuts, they're jobbing to Owen or Razor on Action Zone. Was Goldust the only '94-'95 WWF debut guy who hit with the original gimmick they came in with? Kane hit after three gimmicks. After that, I don't know.

I've been listening to 83 Weeks to hear some of what Bischoff has to say about '97-'98 WCW shows, and when Bischoff doesn't feel the need to protect someone politically, he really does have a great feel for what makes a match good, at least after the fact. Meltzer's reviews of the matches juxtaposed against Bischoff's assessment only makes Bisch seem more reasonable, almost like politicking Bisch somehow pushes me to see Vince Russo's point of view on 2000 WCW.

I've known people who have tried to build a PC and fucked it up with expensive consequences, so the idea that you can practice via a video game before doing it IRL is pretty great. All the cleaning simulators are comforting podcast games for people (like me), who enjoy scraping gunk off of things and making them cleaner, but not to the point that we want to actually get up and do it. (I get satisfaction to the point of endorphin release after I floss and water pick every night.)

Thunder Interlude – show number twenty-eight – 20 August 1998 "The WCW Gang finally gives me a hot cruiserweight opener and then takes the rest of the night off” Let’s Thunder… In what is a hilarious-to-me coincidence that I didn’t expect after my last Nitro review, Psicosis faces Juventud Guerrera in the opener…No, really, I’m not striking their names through…This time it actually opens a WCW wrestling show!...I generally have preferred Thunder to Nitro in 1998…Thunder actually getting a pacey cruiserweight opener is a perfect example of why…After a handshake, Psicosis gets two on a roll-up, but runs himself into drop toehold and a loose crossface…Psicosis works to his feet, but he gets dropkicked and tumbles to the mats outside…Psicosis gets in the ring and leverages strikes to control…He puts Juvi in a full nelson in the corner and then uses that trapped position to bash Juvi’s head into the buckles…That was a neat spot!...Juvi ends up turning things around with a nice-looking crossbody from the top that gets two….He tries to up the pace, but gets caught in a sit-out wheelbarrow facebuster…Psicosis decides to keep running with Juvi and eats double boots on a corner splash attempt, then gets mowed down by a lariat…Juvi hits a Frankensteiner from the top to a standing Psicosis in the ring that gets another two count..The desk won’t shut the fuck up about Warrior and Hogan…It’s too bad because this match is very good and deserves some love…It’s also a title match, so it’d be nice to indicate how important this title is by commentating on the action…Juvi goes up for the 450, but gets caught and crotched…Psicosis hits what I guess is a victory roll bomb from the top that gets two…Psicosis is busting out some neat offense tonight…That two count leads into a commercial break… Back from the break, Psicosis is still in control…OK, now he hits a, uh, what is this move?...I have no idea…It’s a move where he’s got Juvi seated on his shoulders, he grabs Juvi’s arms, and he falls backwards and bridges while Juvi’s shoulders are on the mat…It’s a neat idea, but it seems easy to kick out of since Juvi’s shoulders aren’t being pressed…But I guess the idea is that you KO the guy for three seconds because he’s slammed backwards with no way to cushion the blow to the head…This is a neat move that I think barely falls on the side of “not immersion breaking” even though it takes a lot of help from the taker of the move to set up…Juvi goes up for the guillotine legdrop and lands it, but instead of covering, he gets up and celebrates for a bit…He makes an extremely casual cover after a few seconds and only gets two…Psicosis goes for a release German, but Juvi lands on his feet, runs up and Juvi Drivers Psicosis, and makes an extremely secure cover for three…This is the type of match that makes me ready for some more hot pro wrestling action…Is it the greatest match these two could have?...No…However, it was good, fun, and had some very neat spots… This is the first backstage interview I can remember on Thunder…Gene Okerlund interviews Stevie Ray…Stevie thinks Jericho is a sissy and the Giant is an “overgrown sucka,” his words exactly…Stevie is pretty fun on the mic… Warrior/Hogan on Nitro recap…It was a better segment than you’d expect… Hacksaw Duggan faces Barry Darsow in a 1992 WWF Coliseum Video special that I’d go ahead and watch because I spent my hard-earned allowance on the tape and refused to fast forward…Or a 1984 Mid-South Wrestling match that I actually might want to see…There’s a bunch of mediocre clubbering…Duggan has little problem dispatching of Darsow…He lands Old Glory for the win… Video package hyping up War Games by giving an explanation and history of the match in WCW…They play Sid dropping Pillman on his head like eight times…That shit was wild…These look great until we get to the first one Hogan is a part of…Then it gets spotty…Wait, pinfalls count in this year’s War Games?!...What the fuck?!...No, no, no, NO…I already hate this War Games match… Bret Hart interviews with Mean Gene in the back…Hogan and the Hitman are on team Hollywood for War Games…Bret hypes the mystery of who the third man on their team will be…He says Bill Goldberg’s full name like three hundred times, too… Dean Malenko versus Crush sounds like the opposite of a fun time…First, Gene Okerlund interviews Mongo McMichael about last year’s War Games…Mongo is facing Curt Hennig later, at some point…He calls Rick Rude a “Men’s Wearhouse charge card user,” too…Damn, Mongo, you gonna go after this guy’s hairline next?...Maybe hate on his wife and kids?...Now we get Malenko/Crush…Crush shoves Malenko away from a Malenko takedown attempt…Malenko uses his array of moves and misdirection against Crush’s power…He catches Crush on the move and hits an arm drag…Back to standing, Crush hits a weak lariat and locks on the heart claw…After a minute of that, he hits two legdrops and gets two…I’m just going to skip to the finish because this stinks, as expected…Part of the finish is amazing…Malenko jumps off the top into a bearhug, but he counters that bearhug into a WICKED tornado DDT…That was absolutely a believable finish…Instead of going for the pinfall, Malenko locks on the Texas Cloverleaf, gets hit in the head by Curt Hennig as Vincent distracts the ref, and loses to a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker from Crush…This was almost worth sitting through for that DDT, though… Recap of this ice cold (to me, at least) Steiner Brothers feud…I’m good, no thanks… Recap of this rapidly freezing (to me, at least) Flock internal politics storyline…It’s actually something I didn’t see because it’s on WCWSN, but it’s mostly stuff Raven has said to his Flock before about them being unappreciative of him…Saturn comes down and is like NO GUYS, RAVEN SUCKS, RIGGS YOU IDIOT, HE DESTROYED YOUR EYE, WHY DO YOU FOLLOW HIM?…Saturn tries to deprogram these guys…This is actually a pretty modern segment, this cult deprogramming attempt by the babyface…Plus, Saturn promises that their match at Fall Brawl is their last fight… Following that is a Raven vs. Horace vs. Kanyon vs. Saturn Four Corners match as we wring every last match out of every combination of these dudes that we can…Horace knocks Saturn into Kanyon so that we can continue to have intrigue between those two…Is this elimination or what? Why isn’t anyone breaking up pinfall attempts?...It’s one-on-one with tags…But I think the need to permutate these matchups as much as possible has just killed this whole feud…I’d prefer that Raven and Saturn don’t touch each other until the blowoff at Fall Brawl…Eventually, Horace hits Raven accidentally with the STOP sign, but he’s fine with it, pretty much…We get a standing ten-count before Kanyon covers for 2.9…Raven and Kanyon both try to tag Saturn, but Saturn dodges Raven’s tag and tags Kanyon…This Four Corners match makes more sense as a traditional 2v2 tag than a Four Corners match…The layout is nonsense…It’s too bad because everyone in this match tries hard…But the match isn’t worked in a way that makes sense for the match type…The desk does not help clarify why anyone is doing what they’re doing, of course…They can’t get their own sense of the story straight…Saturn and Kanyon end up brawling outside the ring while Raven drops Horace with an Evenflow inside the ring for three…This did nothing to advance the Raven/Saturn feud and just took up space… Gene Okerlund interviews the Giant in the newly-established backstage position for interviews on Thunder…Giant kinda appreciates that Stevie would steal a belt from his own brother, but he otherwise is not pleased with Stevie's yapping…You’d think Gene would ask Giant why the heck he’s out here caring enough to alter the fortunes of Stevie and the TV title, but it never occurs to this ace veteran interviewer to inquire… Hennig/Mongo is next…Woof…This show started out hot and then fell right off a cliff…Hennig gets pushed around and decides to stall a bit…Mongo uses power and leverage to control, so Hennig goes to the technical wrestling with a drop toehold and hair-pulling assisted bow hold…I sort of zone out on this dull-fest and have to rewind this thing to see Mongo hit a reverse neckbreaker and a couple of weak three-point chop blocks…Rude grabs a chair and swings for the fences…He hits Mongo behind the ref’s back, and Hennig follows up with a PerfectPlex…Malenko runs in and attacks Hennig to draw a DQ…Rude and Hennig double DDT Malenko, then do the same to Mongo… Stevie Ray faces the Giant (w/Scott Hall) in what is a strange main event for Thunder…Giant didn’t even put on tights for this one…He just shows up in jeans and a tank…There are a couple arm wringers and some clubbering before Stevie big boots Giant…Hall immediately runs in and gets dropped, but Giant jumps Stevie from behind and chokeslams him…Why the ref doesn’t call for the bell, I have no idea…OK, it took him about fifteen minutes to figure out that what happened was worth a disqualification…A bunch of B-Teamers come down to surround Stevie and slap him around a bit…That’s it…What a weird ending… I really liked the opener, but the rest of the show was pretty dire, to the point that I didn’t enjoy it at all after the first match ended…At least it was short…But unfortunately, it couldn’t be saved by the cruisers…my score for this is OW…

I wouldn't say "appreciate," at least right now. More like "felt pleasantly surprised that it wasn't a dumpster fire and was moderately amused at some of it." Yes, Eddy threw coffee on himself, but they forgot to add the coffee grounds to the pot beforehand, so it was just water.

Show #154 – 17 August 1998 "The one THAT WAS FATED TO BE BY THE STARS AS THE HEAVENS HAVE FORETOLD BECAUSE EVERYTHING DIES AND NO MAN CAN LIVE FOREVER BUT THE WARRIORS KNOW THAT A TRUE WARRIOR WILL EXIST IN THE HEARTS AND MEMORY OF ALL WARRIORS ACROSS ERAS UNTIL THE DAY THAT TIME ENDS AND A NEW TIME THAT IS IMBUED WITH THE SPIRITS OF THOSE WARRIORS FROM THE PAST SHALL BEGIN *snarl*" Tony S. notes that tonight’s show is the only live wrestling show on this Monday. However, that wouldn’t have stopped me from switching to a taped RAW right from the jump because “Rockhouse” is playing and Bisch is out here pretending to be an airplane while Hogan strums an air guitar. The Giant and the Disciple are out here, too. Hogan does his typical delusional heel drivel. He calls out Goldberg for a title match tonight. Then he notes this: “There’s not one man I haven’t beat.” I see where this is headed. Hey, did Hogan ever beat Goldberg, actually? I’m surprised he didn’t try to politic his way into beating Goldberg in 2004 WWE or whatever. Anyway, what Hogan actually says is that the Giant will face Goldberg for the title tonight and that Giant will hand over the belt when he wins it. I am steadfast in my belief that giving the Goldberg/Hogan title switch away on TV was fine, but failing to follow up by giving Goldberg all these marquee matchups he has on PPV is a dreadful mistake. You give away the hook of a Goldberg title reign for free and then get people to pay for all the never-before-seen Goldberg main event title defenses on subsequent PPVs. Goldberg/Giant should have been on either Road Wild or on Fall Brawl, not on Nitro. Break. Title Card. Fireworks. More yammering about how Nitro is live and not taped. Psicosis/Juvi is our next match. Oops, no, that match doesn't happen. Specifically, no match happens next. We just get Gene Okerlund talking to J.J. Dillon. Dillon teases that Hogan hasn’t beaten everybody (coughWarriorcough), then talks about the War Games match at Fall Brawl for awhile. This War Games is a 3x3x3 matchup. Hulk Hogan (Hollywood), Kevin Nash (Wolfpac), and Diamond Dallas Page (WCW) are the captains. I remember nothing about a triple threat War Games match, but I know who wins already because – accidental spoilers from the past! – Dillon says that the winner will get a shot at the World Champ at Havoc. Nitro Girls routine. Nitro party footage. Thirteen minutes in (not counting commercials), and still no match until… …Psicosis/Juvi, oops, wrong again, I mean Mongo McMichael/Sick Boy finally gets the action going. The most interesting thing about this match is Tony S. and Mike Tenay spoiling the taped RAW and its big title match between Steve Austin and the Undertaker and noting that it’s going very short and ending very unsatisfactorily (Kane shows up; yep, that’s usually an unsatisfactory thing to happen). Then they claim that they’ll actually deliver on a legit World title match tonight. On an old 83 Weeks I was listening to yesterday, I heard Eric Bischoff claim that he didn’t keep an eye on RAW to see what they were programming against him. Here’s where I’d insert the supercut of Jonathan Frakes saying variations of “That’s a lie” if the board was agreeable to me adding YouTube videos. The match itself is a thing that exists. Sick Boy misses a dropkick by a good six inches, but Mongo bumps for it anyway. Mongo wins with a Mongo Spike to end a match that was longer than it needed to be. DDP has an interview with Mean Gene. Who are Page’s War Games partners? Welp, Page teases Warrior as a partner. Page goes on to talk about that whole beatdown he caught before his U.S. Championship match against Bret Hart a few weeks back, and on cue, Bret Hart shows up. Bret Hart significantly outworks Page on the mic, which, uh, I enjoy heel Bret a lot, but that shouldn’t be happening. Page challenges Bret to a title match and Bret’s response is pretty amazing. He lists off all the guys he put out of WCW and then says that the only reason Luger’s not dead in the back is that he's Sting’s friend, which got a chuckle out of me. Bret accepts the match and I’m gonna be honest, I’m rooting for the guy against this cornball Page. One of the most surprising elements of this rewatch has been how strongly I dislike babyface DDP. As much as I love heel Page, I really cannot stand babyface Page. We come back from break and Okerlund is still out here so that he can interview Raven. Fuck me, all this mediocre talking when WCW specializes in good matches. Horace Hogan, AKA the entertaining Hogan (somehow?!), comes out to verbally shit on Raven while Raven stands there and coolly takes it. Horace cuts a reasonable enough promo in which he wants to beat Raven up for a third show in a row or whatever, and Raven agrees to a tag match: Raven and Saturn against Horace and Kanyon. I should note here that Saturn and Raven are having a match at Fall Brawl in which the winner determines the future of the Flock. Saturn and Kanyon eventually agree to participate in this match, and J.J. Dillon slouches toward Bethlehem waddles back out here to make the match. He adds the stips that if either tag partner attacks the other or refuses a tag during the match, they’ll eat a three-month suspension and that the match must end by pinfall or submission. Hey, it’s High Voltage! Robbie Rage! The other one who’s way less interesting! They’re facing the Boogie Knights, and I am intrigued. There’s sadly no Tokyo Magnum tonight, though. Rage and Wright have an opening in which they trade wristlocks before Wright intricately escapes and hits a dropkick. Wright tries to run and gets powerslammed and press slammed instead. Wright regains control and tags Disco, who either hits a piledriver, or dances a lot and allows Rage to hit him with a lariat, you guess which one of those actually happened. Not-Rage enters the ring, but it’s decent and Rage and not-Rage hit a double-team flying bulldog. This is a pretty fun and competitive match, so of course, here’s Meng to kill these guys off with TDGs. I love Meng, but couldn’t we have sent him in on the Mongo/Sick Boy match instead? I wanted to see where this tag match was going. The crowd loves it, though. They egg Meng on as Meng considers TDG’ing Billy Silverman (he lands on a strong "I think I will" and does it), then pop huge when Meng TDG’s one security member. They pop even more hugely when Meng walks through a mace attack from another security member and TDG’s that guy, too. OK, that ruled, but still, maybe do it in the middle of a different match. Eddy Guerrero is totally directionless right now for some reason. He’s one of the most over heels on the roster. Why isn’t he deep into an angle? The Chavo thing just sort of halted. Wait, maybe they’re giving him something to do; he comes out in street clothes and rolls a wheelie luggage. Eddy’s SHOOTIN’ and actually says what I just said about him being totally directionless now. To paraphrase, Eddy says this: I'm totally directionless right now what the fuck, Bisch, maybe I'll go to WWF instead. Sure, eventually that's an option, but we're still a bit early. We’re entering the worked shoot era that would influence guys like CM Punk to cut some of the corniest promos I’ve had the displeasure of seeing on television. I ultimately blame Brian Pillman. Anyway, Eddy’s like I’M BEING HELD BACK, YO. He cuts a subpar promo because frankly, as great a promo guy as he is, this worked shoot stuff fucking SUCKS and is the WORST. He drones on and on, and I don’t blame him for being boring and shitty. I blame Bischoff for trying to book a non-OG nWo angle that’s edgy, that Harley-riding doofus. I guess this is where the whole lWo thing starts, huh? Anyway, this promo borders on monumentally bad, with Eddy losing his train of thought multiple times and quietly blowing off the Chavo Jr. feud by saying that he actually likes the guy and doesn’t want to get him fired for ranting. This stunk. I think I was okay with Jericho/Malenko basically ending with Malenko inadvertently helping Juvi beat Jericho for the Cruiserweight Championship and then Jericho just being cool with that and winning the TV title a day later instead. It’s weak, especially with Jericho not complaining about direct interference from ref Dean Malenko of all people when that’s exactly what he’d do normally, but whatever. They could have just blown that feud off with the Rey Misterio Jr. return match and it would have been a stronger ending. Or, you know, ending it with Malenko-as-Ciclope winning the belt months earlier. Anyway, any of those endings to that feud are at least decent. On the other hand, Eddy/Chavo Jr. petering out like this is pretty bad. Bisch and his booking team not being able to effectively and definitively end an angle is a real problem. Kanyon/Horace versus Raven/Saturn kicks off hour number two. Raven’s shirt says “Dinosaur Jr.” I don’t know what’s going on with that shirt, but I like it. Saturn and Raven struggle to get along far more than Horace and Kanyon do. Saturn still launches both of them in between jawing at Raven, but Horace scores with a big boot to take control. Saturn is a guy in peril for a minute, but he kicks out of a backbreaker at two and then is saved by Raven crotching Kanyon and tagging himself in to boot. Raven and Saturn function as a team for a bit to control Kanyon; Raven then decides that it’s time to bring a trusty chair into the ring. He sets it up and tries to hit a top rope cutter on Kanyon into the chair seat, but Kanyon blocks it and Raven with a facecrusher into the chair instead. Horace gets a hot tag and goes right at Raven. Horace gets two off a floatover powerslam, then two off a top-rope splash. The match breaks down here and all four men go at it. Raven gets crunched into Saturn in the corner and Saturn topples over and headbutts Raven in the jewels. The crowd pops. People love that spot. Kanyon and Horace get 2.9 on a nice neckbreaker/sit-out powerbomb combo. The crowd was into that spot, too. Kanyon hits an elevated facebuster while Horace gets the STOP sign. Kanyon holds Saturn up for a sign shot, yada yada yada, Saturn hits Horace with a DVD for three. Sorry, I’ve been bingeing Seinfeld lately. What happened in that yada was that Horace whiffed and hit Kanyon instead. Post-match, Raven Evenflows Saturn, then Evenflows Kidman when Kidman tries to call the dogs off. Horace attacks Saturn in solidarity with Raven, and Raven Evenflows Horace. The match was decent, but this whole Flock thing is played out, and I’m looking forward to Saturn disintegrating the whole group after winning at Fall Brawl. The Flock had so much potential, and while there were bright spots for this group throughout its eighteen-ish months of existence, it got mired in the same boring internal politics angles that ruined the nWo. The Wolfpac comes to the ring to announce which three of them will be in War Games. Well, let’s see: There’s Kevin Nash, Sting, Lex Luger, and Konnan. One of these things is not like the other, one of these things just doesn’t belong. It’s just a group promo so they can get some TV time as the WILDLY over stable that they are. People don't generally say this about 1998 WCW (at least I don't think they do), but Bischoff and his booking committee completely whiffed on the Wolfpac’s popularity almost as much as they did Goldberg’s. Scott Norton faces off with ARRRRRRRR, Pirate Scott Putski! Putski can’t even get his ostentatious Jesus piece off before Norton attacks him. I wonder if Putski won that Jesus piece off a Spanish galleon during a firefight in the Caribbean Sea. He might need to sell it to pay his medical bills because Norton powerbombs him for three in about a minute. The very popular Wolfpac gets a four-minute segment. The very corny and unpopular nWo Hollywood gets another segment longer than four minutes in the same show. Here comes Bisch, Hogan, and Disciple again. I do know that at some point soon, Ric Flair comes back and yells YOU SUCK, ABUSE OF POWER at Bisch while everyone in the crowd goes nuts. That is maybe the only acceptable point at which Bischoff should be down here in the ring wasting my time. Hogan natters on and says the same fucking shit he always says. Something had better happen in this segment other than just these morons cutting shitty promos. Hogan keeps teasing that he’s beaten everyone and says, get this – THERE’S NOT A WARRIOR IN THE WORLD I CAN’T BEAT – before the lights go out and Ultimate Warrior’s voice comes over the PA and says something garbled. Then, aw yeah, why not go straight to wrestling hell, here comes the Ultimate Warrior! Hogan sells shock in the cartooniest way possible, fuck that guy and his shitty wrestling acting. And his shitty movie acting, for that matter. Last we saw Warrior, he was about to be replaced by the much, much, MUCH more fun Sycho Sid at IYH: International Incident. Hogan decides to be cute – “I thought you were dead,” he says to Warrior – and no one who remembers the rumors that the original Warrior died and was replaced thinks you’re funny, you big, bald son of a bitch. This does get a pop since we’re in WWF territory (Hartford, CT), and I am here for a train wreck of a feud, why not? Warrior always takes things too fucking far, and I sort of love that about his work. Hogan tries to get Warrior to join the now by fearfully holding out his nWo t-shirt to Warrior, so Warrior does the “d-d-d-dookie” spot from No Holds Barred. See, I stand by Warrior being so bad that he can be sort of fun. He stinks, but if you’re going to pair him with Hogan in 1998, that’s an acceptable short-term use of him. Warrior says some total nonsense, loses the crowd for a second, but basically is like: See, all these fans remember me! It’s because I rule. You’re scared of me because I’m the best and you know it. You conveniently forgot that I whipped your ass at WrestleMania VI, you big, bald son of a bitch. What happened, man? You used to be cool, but now you’re a Harley riding cornball who, might I remind you, has never beaten me. He also gets a reasonable zinger in by saying, “Let’s talk about something that he doesn’t know” as the crowd chants HOGAN SUCKS. It gets a pop and some laughter. This Warrior promo goes on way the fuck too long and he winks at everyone by calling the Disciple Hogan’s barber (TBF, the crowd does chant BRUTUS for a few seconds, and this Hartford crowd is just glad to be watching wrestling and seeing some WWF legends). The lights go out and Warrior goes POOF, Undertaker style, while the desk and Hogan and Bischoff act like wondrous assholes about it. If they just looked down, they’d see the obvious trap door cut out of the mat. Maybe they could point it out to Davey Boy Smith while they're at it. This was about as self-indulgent as anything Roddy Piper’s done, but it was watchable, so that’s a start. Don’t get me wrong, though, I am aware that this will end up being a very, very, very bad feud. But it actually started out reasonably well considering the participants. On WCWSN, Curt Hennig told Dean Malenko that Malenko was not Horsemen material. I guess Hennig would know something about being Horsemen material since Ric Flair basically dumped Jeff Jarrett in the bushes to chase Hennig as a Horsemen member. Anyway, that little exchange led to a wrestling challenge between the two on Nitro. We get a break thirty seconds in as Hennig stalls on the outside. Back from that break, we get a perfectly cromulent TV match. Someone in the crowd holds up a WHAT’S ON RAW? sign. Well, Hennig has a neck vice on Malenko, so let me look it up. Well, if it was a match, probably a D-X/Nation multiman tag. But let’s be honest, it was probably a promo. Malenko makes an acceptable comeback on Hennig. Malenko floats over on a side Russian and gets two. Hennig tries a PerfectPlex not long after that, but Malenko blocks it with knees to the gut and ends up hitting a back suplex and trying for a Texas Cloverleaf. It fails because Hennig gets to the ropes, and Rick Rude jumps on the apron to run a distraction. It works, and Rude puts a knee in Malenko’s back and hits a double-axe from the apron to the floor besides. That little bit of offense is enough to soften Malenko up for an immediate PerfectPlex back in the ring that gets a pinfall. Hopefully, this feeds into the “reuniting the Horsemen” angle in a show or two because otherwise, I just saw Malenko get chumped out by Hennig and prove Hennig’s point. I assume, however, that this match will convince Arn that maybe Malenko needs his own running buddies to counter the nWo. “Rockhouse” plays for the 27th time tonight. Scott Steiner comes out with half his body taped, followed by Buff Bagwell and someone pretending to be a doctor. Scotty dodging Rick is tired as fuck. Scotty needs to get away from Rick so that he can fly free already. Rick eventually shows up to respond and, paraphrasing, basically yells that BUFF IS A GIRL AND SO ARE YOU SCOTTY, WOMEN ARE WEAK AND ONLY A FEMALE WOULD FAKE AN INJURY and please, I implore you WCW, end this stupid fucking feud at Fall Brawl already. Chris Jericho defends his TV Championship against Chavo Jr. and Stevie Ray in a triangle match. The desk tries to explain how and why Stevie Ray could just defend Booker’s belt or how Chris Jericho could hit a guy in the head and take his title shot without drawing the ire of the WCW Championship Committee, and I can confirm that they would have been better off not trying to explain the logic to any of this at all. To start, Jericho pretends to ally with Chavo against Stevie. Chavo runs in and gets shoulderblocked while Jericho stands back and watches; when Chavo complains to Jericho, Jericho yells YOUR TIMING IS OFF. That is some true scumbag shit, and I laughed in spite of myself. Stevie is just tossing these dudes around like he’s the Giant. Other than Jericho’s antics and Chavo finally getting wise to Jericho’s antics and dropkicking him instead of teaming up for another attack on Stevie, this match isn’t particularly good. They try to work this in an interesting way with lots of shifting alliances and competing pinfall attempts, at least. There’s even a double missile dropkick on Stevie that is an alright spot. Stevie runs the ref over on a rope run and takes the opportunity to load his fist and hit Jericho. The Giant comes out again for reasons that I cannot grasp and chokeslams Stevie after Stevie has laid out both his opponents with that loaded fist. This leads into a bad finish where Jericho distracts the ref so he doesn’t see Chavo get to his feet and break the ten-count; Jericho stands up after Chavo falls back over, and the champ retains by double-countout. Yuck. Bret Hart is back out to defend the United States Championship against DDP. These fellas are going to have a good match almost certainly, and they start off hot with Page winning a suplex for two and almost catching the Hitman in an early Diamond Cutter. Hart bails and Page follows and just destroys the guy outside the ring. Bret gets killed when he’s back in the ring, too, but the Hitman kicks out of a pinfall attempt after a vertical suplex and manages to hit Page in the junk and drop him with a Hot Shot. Tony S. continues to remind everyone that RAW is bait-and-switching their main event, which I guess must have worked because Nitro is in week two of a three-week streak of ratings wins. That’s the good news for Nitro. The bad news for Nitro is that after tonight, the show will score only four more ratings wins in direct head-to-head against RAW until Nitro is cancelled. Whoopsie! So, Bret starts to pour on the offense, mixing in his 5MoD along the way. This is a good control segment because Bret escalates it steadily, and with each kickout that Page scores, Bret gets more frustrated and more vicious. Eventually, he whips Page as hard as he can into the corner and Page crashes out of it face-first; then, Bret crushes Page with a piledriver and throws a fit when that only gets two. Page fires up almost out of nowhere with fists and then goes up top and hits a diving clothesline for two. Page chases a pinfall with more offense, getting two off a pancake. I’m waiting for the ref bump that I know is coming, and of course, a reversed Irish whip smashes Page into Nick Patrick in the corner. Bret loads his fist and then combines two great moves. First, he pulls a Rock (vs. Ken Shamrock) and hides the knucks in Page’s tights just in case, and second, he fakes a competitive match by pulling an Ernie Ladd (vs. Magnum T.A.) and pulling a dazed Page on top of him so that he can kick out at two. The combination of these things probably sets up Page to lose on a technicality. Let’s see if that’s what happens. Bret locks on a Sharpshooter, but Page gets to the ropes; Page hits a Diamond Cutter, but can’t capitalize. Page looks for another Diamond Cutter, but Bret declares that Page clocked him with knucks. Patrick checks Page’s tights, in fact finds the knucks, and calls for a DQ. I would normally bitch about this, but as I love both the finish to Rock/Shamrock at the ’98 Rumble and Ladd/T.A. on whatever episode of Mid-South TV that Ladd won the North American title on, I’ll admit that I enjoyed this finish. We’ve made it to the end of another show, almost. Michael Buffer is out here to introduce the Giant (w/Dizzy “The Barber” Zodiac) as he comes to the ring to face Goldberg. These fellas start out by trading meaty soupbones. Giant body slams Goldberg, who is like RAAARGH FUCK YOU and does it right back. This match is already great. Giant is irritated about being slammed and decides to serve Goldberg an extra helping of soupbones. Giant hits the best-looking side Russian on this show, sorry Bret, and then instead of covering, lets Goldberg get back to standing. Goldberg tries to fight through a couple of headbutts, so Giant dumps him outside for the Barber. Goldberg easily fights off Barber, but is jumped by Giant. The ref just lets these dudes double up on Goldberg, but Goldberg slips out of the back of a Giant posting attempt and posts Giant himself. Giant gets in the ring and meets Goldberg on the apron, then suplexes Goldberg back into the ring. That move barely fazes Goldberg, who is up first and then hits a spear. The Disciple/Zodiac/Barber/etc. jumps in to draw a DQ and is immediately speared and Jackhammered. Scott Hall runs in to attack Goldberg, but Kevin Nash runs down for the save. Nash clears out Giant and grabs Hall from behind, but Goldberg lines Hall up for a spear at the same time, and yada yada yada, Nash gets up from eating a spear and gets right in Goldberg’s face as the show ends. I just wanted a clean finish between Goldberg and Giant, but that match was pretty fun, as I knew it would be if it involved these two. There was way too much Disciple interference, though. This show was poorly paced, but there were spots of fun, Goldberg/Giant was good until the end, and I didn’t hate the Warrior promo, so that’s something? Yeah, it’s something. 2.75 out of 5 Stinger Splashes.

And not only that, but it was easily the best match on the card!

Why did you do this to yourself, bud? The most memorable thing about this show was Bret/Lawler. The second most memorable thing was the RAW after the show with Lawler crushing mouthwash straight out of the bottle, which got my mom to laugh.