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Lamp, broken circa 1988

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  1. before anyone else reads this, please remember that I love fuck finishes and carney bullshit. loved -charlotte/asuka motn by a damn mile -cena/undertaker, or, "Talk Shit Get Hit: The Match" -ELIAS liked -harper superbomb -nakamura's heel turn but only if it actually means the return of Bored Malicious God Nakamura and not just "i vibrate and then mean mug" -braun turning extremely face indifferent -miz/seth/finn -bosses vs. workers -ronda's match, although it was funny to see how like WCCW throwback it was -us title -jax/bliss hated -"YOU DON'T HAVE THE" "HEART YOU DON'T HAVE THE" "SOUL" gtfoh -i think they skipped ivory when they read out hall of famers I genuinely don't know what to make of the main event. I haven't been that confused by a match's central idea since, like, HHH/Orton.
  2. DEUS EX: MANKIND DIVIDED [2] I should have added an addendum to my "is a pacifist run possible" question: "is it skin-peelingly stupid?" Because I needed to know that going in. I've spent a long time away from the western big story shooter thing and my return to it was just a return to everything that chased me away. No characters are interesting. The story has the subtlety of a ham shaped like a fist. I did not want to help anyone the pbjective marker suggested helping. "At least," I said during the five hours I played it, "I am doing cool spy things like planting traces and electrocuting cops. I'm into all of that." That all fell apart after a mission when I had to retrieve evidence before it got destroyed. I electrocuted three cops and punched another. During this mission I accidentally dragged an unconscious body too hard and it died. When I saw that, I scrunched my face, then reloaded the save and tried it again, more patiently. When I got back to the terminal after that mission, they started screaming at me, and my character informed both his boss and me that all he had done was kill some cops. "Like hell you did," I thought. "I was there the whole time." After returning to the base where my character multiple times calmly asserted how murder is how he winds his watch I closed the game and uninstalled it. Parts of it are extremely cool. Parts of it are extremely not cool. At least I only paid Monthly Bundle pricing for it, as I'd be considerably more depressed if I paid full retail. Plus side: Now I have a good excuse to go try out that Hitman Patient Zero stuff! KAMI [3] it's that origami folding game on 3DS that's always on sale it's fine it's weightless
  3. I mean, there was absolutely a narrative. there just wasn't dialogue.
  4. I did a livestream of all of the Fire Pro Wrestling games before Fire Pro World came out where I tried to win singles matches in each game. In the old games, they would run galleries of portraits of their nearly-legal dopplegangers. My avatar is an extremely unimpressed-looking rendition of Super Tiger from (i believe) Fire Pro Wrestling 3.
  5. If anyone else here played Deus Ex Mankind Divided, would you know how doable a 100% nonlethal run is? I like doing sneaky heisty things and I'm generally down on the murder of human beings in non-competitive environments, and the last time I tried to play an action game nonviolently was an Assassin's Creed game that seemed to have more options than it actually did, so, Hey, How Doable Is Pacifist Mankind Divided?
  6. In my tenth game, I won a Fortnite battle royale. Just thought you'd want to know. In the spoiler tag, I will tell you exactly how it feels to have accomplished this:
  7. the Far Cry series in particular is weird to me because (HERE COMES THE LEAST SURPRISING REVEAL EVER) as much as I loved 2, it feels like every Far Cry that came after it is like some hilarious misunderstanding of what made FC2 good/interesting. "The world is super immersive, the only time you're doing something out of the context of the world is in the save menu" became "YOUR TECH TREE IS LIKE A TRIBAL TAT OR SOMETHING" "It actually acknowledges the inherent immorality of everything you're about to do" became "HOW MANY ITERATIONS OF THE JOKER CAN WE HAVE IN ONE GAME" "You can have allies, but they're just as impermanent as anything" became "OKAY WHAT IF WE NAMED A GUY HURK AND HE WAS JUST LIKE KENNY POWERS BUT GUNS" "It's fun to just hang out around zebras and relax" became "WHEN YOU SHOOT ENOUGH WOLVES YOU CAN HAVE A BIGGER WALLET" "You're beholden to a malady outside of your own control, limiting the power fantasy" became "WE'RE GOING TO CAPTURE YOU AND DO LIKE FIFTEEN DRUG SEQUENCES" So yeah. As far as a starting point goes, the thing you actually need to decide rn is if you're going to play Far Cry 2 or not. If you're not, you can play pretty much any of them and have a good time. If you do, it's basically just going to be an exercise in trying to figure out what went wrong.
  8. Ubisoft at least has a track record of sticking with their games no matter how bad the launch is and gradually unfucking them for the audience that stays aboard. The turnaround of Siege from loathed to beloved is a really uncommon story for a game's lifespan. but yeah the whole thing with FC5's reveal was "we have spent a lot of care addressing this heavy subject matter" and then the next trailer was like "WOOHOO MURDER STUNTZ" so them not committing to anything was at least telegraphed
  9. IT SEEMS LIKE MOST OF MY YEAR IS GONNA BE ON THREE GAMES Crossed 170 hours on Monster Hunter last night. Regret very little of it (losing fights feels uniquely awful). MHW has replaced my will to play fighting games and also Nioh. But what about shooting stuff? I bought the Year 3 Pass to Rainbow Six Siege last week. I do not know how to properly explain how much I adore this game. also, square reconfirmed DQ11 is making it to the US this September, so that'll be my winter game taken care of. TYPESHIFT [4] It is a mobile game who's website is the best combination tutorial/pitch to a video game I might have ever seen. Personal opinion: my whole family has a deep, strong, powerful love of crossword puzzles. This game is catnip for that love. GOROGOA [4] I bet I will be the only person on this board to ever play this. It is a 4D Pop-Up Book, and it's done in an hour, and it's just fuckin great. I finished it in a sitting and was just enamored with how ingenious it was all throughout. I've played plenty of puzzle games that have like twenty good ideas and sixty fine ones. This game is all good ideas with no filler. It is a punk album. I love it. FORTNITE BATTLE ROYALE [3] This is going to sound EXTREMELY DERISIVE, but please know I mean this with all affection: this is easily the best PS2 game of 2018. It has that same "best we can do" feeling that a lot of those old PS2 shooters have, where they replace decent mechanics with joyful execution. It is a wonderful throwback to that era of game. Also, playing PUBG before playing this has ruined my ability to interact with my friends that are way into Fortnite because I want to Fight Constantly and that's not them.
  10. This works out perfectly for me, because my plan was to get it on PS4 and use the PS4 version for Fire Promoter stuff so I don't have to worry about my PC save of edits I made getting messy with the debris of other people's packs. Fingers crossed that the edits in the workshop will just work with the PS4 version! cuz otherwise it's probably dead in the water!
  11. brief sumo thoughts -If Kakuryu spends the rest of the year calmly collecting Yushos while the top stars trade tournaments off I'm gonna laugh with him. I could've sworn that when it became four yokozuna, he would be the first one gone, but now he's just calmly putting in high caliber performances and winning tournaments that don't have people showing Unearthly Will To Power. -Speaking of Tochinoshin, he looked very good when he could fight his sumo. I'm pretty well convinced at this point that no one can outmuscle him if it turns to a raw forceout game. If I was asked to predict if he's going to really make his Ozeki run in May, that prediction would change as often as the weather. -Takayasu's record does not tell the story of his performance. Dude was unconvincing and getting by with some bare wins. Even from day one it was clear something's off: his Taichi-ai is a siege weapon usually, but he bounced off Endo. ENDO. I think it's because he had to tape his feet up so much and it caused him to lose traction, but he skated on the edge of some bad losses this whole tournament. Hopefully that regulates by next time, because I don't think it's reasonable to expect that many lucky breaks again. -Not a great tournament for the guys I personally root for (Kotoshogiku and Mitakeumi). Mitakeumi is still young so he's going to bounce back, and having straight basho at Sekiwake is a hell of an accomplishment. Kotoshogiku, not so much. It's probably too late for his style to change, and now that his body has aged it doesn't work like it used to. So it goes, I guess.
  12. If you'll be playing on console, take any payment options off your account first. via Kotaku's article on rampant account hacking (emphasis mine): " “Epic Games doesn’t require a pin or a back code to do payments,” John explained. “When you do an online payment, they [other places] at least ask for the log-in details of your PayPal or any info. . .”. To make a purchase in Fortnite, a player just clicks on what they want and hits “Purchase.” That takes them to a screen displaying redacted PayPal account information where they can review and place the order. Then, buying is as easy as clicking “Place Order.” All the information is saved. A few weeks ago, Epic Games added in 2-factor authentication, and yet, the attacks are still ongoing." so while I do not think someone is going to hack your account to spend money, it seems phenomenally easy for, say, a child to absentmindedly rack up $100s in non-refundable purchases for a game you don't play. If they're playing on console, and they already have a separate profile, you oughta be good, but maybe double check anyways. Either way, figured that's a good thing to know going in.
  13. Really the bummer is that they announced this on a tuesday. My condolences to everyone who has to wrestle tonight in the middle of the Non-Stop Yes Chant.
  14. WARHAMMER VERMINTIDE 2 [no rating, refunded] I did one mission with friends. One asked me "What do you think." I said "The combat is a little samey." They said "yup." In a year where Monster Hunter World didn't come out, this game might have stood a chance with me. HEROES OF HAMMERWATCH [no rating, refunded] hey remember hammerwatch well what if get money build town watch more hammers MARIO & LUIGI REMAKE [3] Bought this after quitting DQ8. I've been meaning to replay this game for years, and I'm loving large parts of it, but they made a confounding choice with the controls. See, in the original, the way the game worked was that Left Trigger cycled between Luigi's actions, and Right Trigger cycled between Mario's. The start button toggled who was in front. In this game, for no real reason, they've changed how that works entirely: there's now a set menu of available actions that you cycle through with left and right trigger. Or, you can cycle with the touch screen, but if you do that you lose the map functionality (that's actually really useful since the map screens are not logical distances apart). This is infuriating to me. Everything else is as good as I remember. MURI [3] This game will appeal to a VERY limited audience. It is an attempt to make a super accurate MS-DOS era, VGA graphics, onboard speaker sound platformer. It is pretty good at accomplishing this. I like playing it just because of how like hypnotic it is to me and my own memories, but I don't know if I'd recommend it if you never dabbled with that kind of platformer back in the day, because it's not like it's great. And even if you REALLY WANTED to play something in this style, I'd recommend Kero Blaster (same basic goal but made by the Cave Story guy) before I'd recommend this.
  15. if you didn't name drop someone else right before you came on here, I would swear you are hoardak
  16. Was reminded of this a few days ago. I think Talking Heads might be the Kings of Superior Live Versions
  17. This has been a bad few days for me and games. I beat Monster Hunter World's story, and was like ready for the quest up to the end of the ranking system, but what the game did instead was just instantly promote me from rank 14 to 29. Like, I put in 130 hours of work climbing from 1 to 14, and so when I unceremoniously jumped to twice that rank it felt like they'd just made their own in game number meaningless. Instead there was just a bar next to Rank 29 to signify the new grind ahead. It's a tremendous misstep and it's kind of taken the wind out of my sales. I quit Dragon Quest 8. The last boss I fought was a corny (probably white) dude voicing a mole making non-stop James Brown jokes. When I beat him, I won a boat. The boat moves extremely slow. The ocean is full of enemies that one-shot my casters. So I would have to restart my progress over and over when one of them died, in my slow fucking boat, attempting to cross the ocean. I closed my 3DS. The battery died overnight. My last save is front of the mole. I'm fuckin' good. That makes three Dragon Quest games I've quit in my process of playing all of them- 2, 8, and 9.
  18. i dunno rtj2 is pretty much wall to wall bad tracks
  19. Even if you try to have that conversation, the thing about hip-hop is that there's so much just amazing stuff left obscured on tapes you may never find. Like, think about the old Memphis scene- the biggest names to come from that are probably Three 6 Mafia, but like you can put on a Tommy Wright III record like Feel Me Till They Kill Me and he's amazing and unsung, AND it'll be covered in killer verses from people you've never heard of. So if Tommy Wright III is obscure, the rabbit hole he makes with those guest verses is like the French catacombs. It's a unique problem in hip-hop, although "too much good" is a good problem to have. Although I'll say that the other thing that makes hip-hop interesting is that there's a few answers for best MC that are like instant qualifiers for how much you may not want to talk to someone about things. One of my friends has some of the most boring rap opinions because the pinnacle of it to him is Kool G Rap. And that's not talking shit on Kool G Rap- he's clearly a master- but it's the same thing as a guy saying the last album he bought was a Joe Satriani record. I could name other names like this but I'd just come off as bitter. All the rappers I'd float for best active right now are people I've been screaming about on here for years to no avail- milo, Wiki, Earl Sweatshirt, KRIT, etc. Once I get through her back catalog I'm probably gonna end up adding Jean Grae to that. I know that the consensus is probably Kendrick, but like Kendrick is all spectacle to me. When his album drops it feels enormous. About a month later I'm good with never hearing it again. My west coast sound affinity kept TPAB in rotation longer than the others, but otherwise that's what it's been. Producers is probably an easier question, because there's a few big names that actually have the depth in their catalog to make the case (Dilla, Kanye, etc) and then like there's one layer underneath that that's like the gatekeepers to underground shit (your Alchemists and Madlibs and what have you) and you could reasonably make a case for anyone at that level. I think Black Milk's at that level with Alchemist and the only thing that would keep people from saying otherwise is just raw ignorance.
  20. I'm sure most of you have some song or singer that if you put it on near Anyone You Know, they look at you like you are a poor quality body double. This thread is for those artists, whoever they may be. FUN FACT: this whole record is an answer I would accept for "what is the best album of this decade"
  21. It is definitely possible that I am extremely impatient. Also I'm using the cart, so, maybe it's not so bad if you download it. but like if the game had long load times AND let me just throw angelo into the ocean and leave him there forever, then hey I'd be alright
  22. I am REALLY struggling with Dragon Quest 8. PROS -They establish a villain immediately, which is something that the other games have been inconsistent about. 6 in particular is awful about it, not even showing you the Big Bad until the final boss fight. In DQ8 you see him pretty much immediately, and he's immediately doing awful contemptable shit. -The first characters they introduce- Yangus and King Trode- are classic. I want to hang out with Yangus. I want to help King Trode and Madea. -The first four towns have the Episodic Feel that other games were fantastic for, because it gives you goals and natural points at which to stop. CONS -Everything about how this game treats Jessica bothers me. The first party member I picked up after her can't stop trying to get with her. The first large armor upgrade I got for her put her in even skimpier clothes than her default outfit which is like Classic Anime "How Are Your Boobs Not Out" attire. She is SEVENTEEN. Fuck's sake, man. Like, I'm playing Bayonetta at the same time as this, and DQ8 makes me WAY more uncomfortable. I figure it's because Bayonetta is out there being like "HEY LOOK IT'S GENDER PERFORMANCE WOOHOO" and Dragon Quest is taking time out of being a broad charming fantasy to be all AROOOOOGAAA over the teenager. -Related to the previous con: I want to throw Angelo against the ground until his body parts fly off like a cheap GI Joe. I deeply resent that I cannot just automatically waste Angelo and still have a chance in the dungeons. I am mercifully playing it on 3DS where I know for a fact I will get other party members later. I'm not sure I'm going to make it. Angelo is the worst party member in any Dragon Quest game. -Speaking of the 3DS version, load times. They're not bad, but the problem is it's the same length load between everything. So going from city to open world is really fast. Good! Going from touching an enemy to a fight takes about five whole seconds of totally blank screen. Bad! -The levelling system is just the worst. It was the thing I hated most about playing 9, and while it's not as amazingly cruel as 9, all that means is that I'm looking at that menu twice as often and it's still boring to think about. -this is a minor gripe comparatively but it's what compelled me to write all this- having a boss who's gimmick is Lots Of Critical Hits while half your party has under 100 HP is a real fucked up thing to do. I'm not even 10 hours in and I'm really weighing giving up. The idea that people think this is the high point of the DQ games blows my mind.
  23. stand on the apron for like twenty (in-game) minutes and then put a submission on the guy who has taken the most damage
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