(BP)

*removes shirt, turns on a George Michael record* I thought you’d never ask.

Every jerkoff who’s written a teen Bond boarding school book has their fingers crossed.

Getting Babygirl’d into watching awful movies is a wild concept.

If Natalie Wood was murdered then both possible killers have hosted.

Roundtree’s a lot of fun in Q, but of course he’s overshadowed by Michael Moriarty and David Carradine both being utter maniacs.

Outside of Sidney Poitier and Danny Glover, Black leads were often aged out of action/adventure roles at like the midpoint of their careers and usually became character actors playing police chiefs or mayors. Sam Jackson sort of broke that mold, but he also didn’t become a star until middle age and has basically looked the same for forty years.

There’s that old adage, “every comedian wants to be a rock star and every rock star wants to be a comedian.”

Fallon’s performance reeked of an unnerving desperation unmatched even by Tim Robinson’s Blues Brothers sketch on ITYSL.

Connor O’Malley meeting his annual obligation to have a weird walk-on role in an A24 movie. They should just write him a check and let him make whatever unhinged project he can dream up.

Evil Eye is fine, but really the only thing that left an impression on me was the novelty of young John Saxon as the romantic lead.

The Vourdelak is great folk horror influenced by Hammer and 70s European arthouse period dramas. I’d classify it as comedic horror I suppose. The creature and its interactions with the ensemble are so goddam funny; the less you know going in the better. It has a lot of fun with the differences and similarities between the 18th century and today’s masculine ideals. The line, “May those who won’t open their eyes answer for our imminent woes,” really got me.

If they’d gotten to a fourth Sonic movie in the 90s it would have been a direct-to-video soft reboot with French Stewart as Robotnik.

If Rodriguez hadn’t been on From Dusk til Dawn to spray Quentin with a hose while shooting the Salma Hayek dance, he would’ve choked to death on her foot and we wouldn’t have gotten Jackie Brown or anything since.

Elevator pitch for Gremlins 3: It opens with them killing Zaslav and running rampant over the WB lot and ends when they’re trapped on a hard drive and erased into a shadow realm with Batgirl and Wile E Coyote.

I’ll never forget the episode of Sesame Street where Grover nailed his theses to the door of Mr. Hooper’s store.

This is a major touchstone for my wife and I. We regularly say, “I told you I’d take a year off from flying to have a baby!” It has one of the most gratuitously unnecessary soft core scenes in movie history. She gets a gun off of a dead terrorist and then has a flashback to her boyfriend teaching her how to use one at a homemade target range, then a full sex scene between them, before returning to the closeup of Anna Nicole looking at the gun.

They made the right call with the dub. In the 60s Arnold was hitting the gym way harder than the ESL textbooks. It’s fun that he sounds like every future bad Arnold impression.

When they’re machine gunning Hitler’s corpse just for fun. Schwarzenegger started in comedy too. His early work is mostly stuff like Hercules in New York, The Villain, and Stay Hungry. He even worked with Lucille Ball. There’s also his dramatic turn guest starring on Streets of San Francisco, which is quite funny but not on purpose.

That happened in my opening night screening of Inglorious Basterds, but it was a row full of Hasidic dudes.

Statham is very funny in Spy. It is curious he’s been an action movie star for twenty years and he hasn’t done a family movie in the Kindergarten Cop vein like basically all of his contemporaries.

For me personally it has more to do with already having major circadian rhythm disruption issues that are aggravated by the time changes. I’m sort of starting at a disadvantage before the light exposure is even a factor. That said, I do take vitamin D and I really should bite the bullet and buy a sun a lamp.

As someone who spends several months after daylight savings ends in a black pit of lethargic despair? That would be pretty neat.

I would argue that based on the boom in human/monster romance fiction in the past decade, Nosferatu is definitely doing it for somebody out there.

Fulci didn’t even know what his own movies looked like by 1995.

Hammer once getting as close to being Batman as a costume fitting and now being reduced to that rules. Hopefully the Uwe Boll vs Christopher Nolan boxing match that results from this won’t have too many buffering issues on Netflix.