DEATH VALLEY DRIVERETTE 02122016! KOHEI SATO~! KAZUKI HASIMOTO~!

[DEAN]

WELCOME TO YOUR DEATH VALLEY DRIVERETTE~! for 02122016!

 

Here ya go.

~!~

BIG JAPAN PRO WRESTLING- 1/24/2016-[RASMUSSEN]

These three.

 

ATSUSHI AOKI/ DAISUKE SEKIMOTO vs DAICHI HASHIMOTO/ KAZUKI HASHIMOTO: This is the new thing Big Japan is doing these days- taking three guys you know and inserting a third guy you vaguely know about but you aren't really sure.  I know I've seen Aoki wrestle before in NOAH but I have no earthly idea who he is if you just put the name up there.  Ah NOAH, how I have skipped over so much of you. As I gaze at Aoki's cagematch.net profile, I note that he has wrestled all over the world and in every major promotion in Japan- including 30ish matches in New Japan, 300 in All Japan and 700 in NOAH- but this his first year ever to wrestle in Big Japan.  I assume this is from the eternal collapse of All Japan.  Daichi Hashimoto moves one pound closer to Total Shinya every week, and I must say that it is very thrilling to watch.  For those new to the world of Japanese wrestling, Kazuki Hashimoto and Daisuke Sekimoto are Big Japan Strong Style guys who will beat the living doghsit out of you.  I am excited.  Let's watch.  Pre-match Aoki and Sekimoto talk about things and then I wonder if Cagematch.net could develop a way to cross-reference wrestlers, because Sekimoto wrestles 170 times a year, for any promotion on earth that will provide his guarantee, transportation and a raw deli platter- so the odds are good that if this tag team has 4,000ish matches between them, they had to have carpooled together to one of those Real Japan cards at some point and maybe, just maybe, became friends.  But actually, if they were friends, it seems like Sekimoto would hook him up with more BJPW gigs, as Big Japan draws actual people while All Japan draws whoever is still working overtime at the particular warehouse they are running that day.  But I really digress. Aoki and Kazuki Hashimoto start off the proceedings punching each other in the face.  Man, don't tell me I have back and watch 3,000 Atsushi Aoki matches. Aoki does a fun stunned face when you elbow him in the face. After 15 seconds in with Daichi Hashimoto, he kind of stumbles into his corner with a "I'm too old for this stuff" face and Sekimoto tags in and Aoki rolls out the ring to the floor (possibly to get in his car and go home.  Which would be hilarious. ((But he doesn't really- Dean after watching the whole match.)))  Sekimoto and Daichi trade armbars and wristlocks and sleepers and shoulderblocks as they build up to the Strong Style aspects of the match- which would naturally lead to a Greco-Roman fingerlock into both of them beating the hell out of each other.  Sekimoto succumbs to the beating and thus takes full brunt and fury of Team Yamato in all of its majestic kickiness.  Aoki stands on the apron watching the leather fly, saying, "Better you than me.  I got 13 matches in 13 garages next week." Aoki tags and slaps Kazuki a few times and hits a DDT and tags out.  I'm digging the cameo aspect of Aoki's part in this. "Hey man, you work here I'm just visiting.  I'm not gonna get all up your business."  Sekimoto and Kazuki pulverize each other with chops and forearms and they get progressively more spectacular until Kazuki lands a lariat and tags in Daichi to give Sekimoto the full measure of his manly offense.  Aoki is on the apron, "I'm right here for you, buddy" as Daichi kicks Sekimoto's Adam's Apple out of the back of his neck. After several more assorted kicks, Sekimoto tries to TRANSITION to offence with an Argentinian backbreak but Daichi counters into a sleeper that causes Daisuke Sekimoto to FEEL the VIBRATIONS of the Spirit of Nelson Royal as he hits the picture perfect Atomic Drop.  Daichi Hashimoto feels the GLOW of POSSESSION as the spirit of Dick Murdock takes over and he does the "OW!  MY HINEY!" fit on the mat.  It's pretty great and a fabulously strange foray out of Strong Style. Aoki clocks in and gets in a really nice one footed dropkick and then does the same as Daichi is sitting up on the mat.  Daichi counters a suplex attempt with a DDT and tags in Kazuki who kicks Aoki in the face and then brainbusts the visitor.  Double Hashimotos then take turns kicking him until Sekimoto makes the save with a Spear and truly monstrous EXPLOIDER Suplex.  Aoki tries to seal the deal by hitting as much as he can on Kazuki- Missile Dropkick, a QUALITY Dangerous Backdrop.  Kazuki fires back with kicks and Aoki does the old man headbutt after a kick to Kazuki Hashimoto's face.  Kazuki then fucking lays a kick directly and deeply into Aoki's teeth and then hits a TOTAL Daisuke Ikeda-level Death Valley Bomb to just fucking crush Aoki for the win.  Jesus, Aoki takes a break from Akebono landing on him and SUWAMA lariating his skull into the forklift over there just to take the nastiest finisher in Big Japan Strong Style history.  Aoki, you are my new boy.  Yeah, you should watch this.              

http://rutube.ru/video/bc662ad860313a840db22c00291cfb22/?pl_type=user&pl_id=1067514

 

HIDEYOSHI KAMITANI/ KOHEI SATO/ SHUJI ISHIKAWA vs HIDEKI SUZUKI/ SEIYA SANADA/ YOSHIHISA UTO: When I first saw the line-up for this match I thought to myself, "Why are doing the Japanese equivalent of the SST and the Samoan Savage against the Ding-Dongs and Lee Scott?  I'm against it. I'm just confused"   Then I started watching the match and realized that Hideki Suzuki is that Wrestle-1 guy who is actually the ZERO-1 champ- thus the reason he and Kohei Sato are in the same match.  But yeah, wee Sanada and Uto the Rookie are there to be beaten to a pulp.  Which I can get behind.  This ain't no Sunday school.  Sanada has a fancy outfit, like he should one of those ROH tagteams that wrestle for the New Japan Junior Tag Titles and who bounce off the second rope for every move.  Kamitani tries to SHOWBOAT the Big Japan Strong tag title to deflect from the fact that the Twin Towers really do tower over everybody else in the ring.  He also seems delighted that he isn't receiving end of a Kohei Sato ass-beating.  Uto, not so lucky.  Sanada and Kamitani start the match- and one would assume that Sanada will try to WRESTLE wrestle Kamitani for as long as possible, staying away from Kohei Sat and Shuji Ishikawa and thus feeding his teammates to the alligators so he can live longer and wake the next day with far less wiggly teeth.  Suzuki is the Z-1 champ from W-1 so he and Sato go all Shoot Style in this Strong Style-branded match, with Suzuki trying to procure as many Volk Han-isms as he can.  Sato fights out them and they do the shoot style lounging kneebars routine.  Sato stomps the ham string and they officially start beating on each other until Suzuki hilariously tags in Uto. Uto visually conveys "What... what WHAT?" as Kohei Sato welcomes him to the world by laughing at his headbutts and front chancellorys him to tag Shuji Ishikawa- Japan's Greatest Living Crowbar.  Uto does a few seconds of attempted armwringing- as if to say, "YEAH!  That'll work!  We'll do an armwringer and that way he w..." Ishikawa crushes his face with a forearm.  Uto tries to put on his big boy pant and FIRES BACK! Ishikawa crushes his face with a forearm.  Kamitani tags in and Uto takes a far more reasonable Big Japan Strong Style ass-beating.  Then Koehi Sato tags back in and Uto's desperate forays into FIGHTING SPIRIT are met with indifferent crushing kicks to the chest.  And then Ishikawa tags in and mercifully merely rips Uto vertebra apart slightly with a half crab. Kamitani hits him with several dozen shoulders in the corner to set-up a JUDO FLIP for two!  Uto has the hilarious look on his face of a man arguing with a lady at the DMV as Kohei Sato tags in and Uto tries to somehow kill the giant grizzly bear with his switches of chops to he chest.  Kohei the grizzly doesn't die, but he does begin the just fucking endless assbeating that Uto contines to absorb. Kamitani comes off the toprope to accentuate the Inverted Falcon Arrow that Kohei lands; and Kamitani has the look on his face of absolute glee of being on the Twins Towers tagteam and getting to just throw in little things after they have fucking destroyed an opponent.  It's like being the placekicker for 1985 Bears.  Uto kicks out and Kohei is amazed at the rookie's toughness/stupidity.  Suzuki tags in after Uto gets in a forearm and it's back to a regular wrestling match.  Jesus. Ishikawa just fucking CRUSHES Suzuki's face with a forearm to set up a  wad of Twin Towers power moves until Suzuki dropkicks to tag in Sanada who picks up on the dropkick theme by hitting a lot of dropkicks on Ishikawa.  It's as if to say, "I'm 32 and a veteran.  They can't just beat me to a pulp because I'm 150 pounds!  MY OFFENSE!  IT SUCKS!  SO WHAT!?!"  Sanada goes for a German and they spin around until Sanada procures the Octapus hold- then everybody gets Held By The Octapus!  Sanada does the hilarious thing of remembering that this is a Strong Style so he just tries to trade forearms with Shuji Ishikawa.  You laugh.  I laugh.  Everyone laughs.  Except Sanada.  Sanada gets crushed by a forearm.  But he does trade a couple and gets in a dropkick to the knee that he probably should have opened with.  Kamitani tags and decides that he should prove his worth by mauling the fresh guy like the Towers mauled Uto, starting with a RW Hawk Shoulder block off the top rope. Sanada fights off the Dangerous Backdrop and hits a rana to allow him to tag UTO~! So I think we all know where this is heading. Uto hits a high knee and leg drop and then a really good brainbuster for two.  They triple  team Kamitani with Suzuki hitting a sweet backbreaker to set up Uto's  Guillotine Legdrop! Not the awesome onee with a forward flip but still a Guillotine for two.  Then an ACTUAL Lariat for two!  Kamitani hits a shoulderblock after ducking a second lariat.  The Twin Towers come in a beat the fuck out of Uto for a minute to set-up Kamitani's Nodowa.  KAmitani does the magnificent EVEREST Backdrop for the win!  Your big winner... UTO!  For the sweet batch of finishers at the end.  And Sanada for not coming off as a wuss and for instigating a "trading of elbows to the face" section with a guy who will knock all your teeth out.  Postmatch, Shuji Ishikawa and Hideki Suzuki call each other pussies and I'm a-hoping they settle it in a Z-1 ring that is captured and uploaded to the internet.  Very fun.  You should watch.           

http://rutube.ru/video/d894f4a34bfea127e264d3ad8215c8ab/?pl_type=user&pl_id=1067514

 

YUJI OKABAYASHI vs RYOTA HAMA: HOLY SHIT, IS THIS AWESOME.  MORE MONDAY.

http://rutube.ru/video/bf5df99fbea233234831d4ff0c2f78e1/?pl_type=user&pl_id=1067514

 

TOMORROW:  Is Saturday!  I prolly won;t write anything!  Watch that Okabayashi/Hama match though.  It is fucking MANLY.

[Curt McGirt]

Aoki was one of my favorite guys back in the days of watching NOAH undercard stuff because he was the only junior (or heavy) -- maybe in both NOAH and All Japan history -- to be a guy that utilized limbwork with his big finish being a cross armbreaker, if I recall correctly. Almost all of that stuff escapes my memory now but someone has to know what the good stuff is. 

 

Sanada was fun when he was tagging with I think Manabu Soya? and wore those horrible blue trunks with the lame three white stars on them because he was so bland. I don't know why I liked that but I did. Now I found out he had a TNA run and everything and I'm wondering why. 

 

Now Suzuki, I remember watching this as it aired and just losing it for the announcers (even though Schiavello has always done wrestling work) marking out over the match though they knew it wasn't a shoot. And I still think it's a damn good match too. 

 

 

(Clearly, I don't go out on New Year's Eve. I prefer to get drunk at home where it's safe, warm, cop-free and I can stay up until 4 in the morning to watch some fucking DREAM card on the dish)

 

If any of those matches weren't on poisoned Rutube I'd watch 'em. Dailymotion, somebody, please...

 

EDIT: AH HA! One piece of the puzzle, if the date is right. 

 

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x3re8la_yuji-okabayashi-c-vs-ryota-hama-1-24-16_sport

 

EDIT II: I'll leave this one for DEAN to tackle when he feels like it but a couple things:

 

1. Hama's current combination of Vader and Rikishi is fascinating... and brave, in a sartorial sense. 

 

2. Oka better get his ribs checked. 

 

3. AJ Styles vs. Kota Ibushi played on AXS TV the whole time I watched that on mute. You know where my allegiances lie. 

 

(pssst AJ/Kota is still pretty good)

[DEAN]

3. AJ Styles vs. Kota Ibushi played on AXS TV the whole time I watched that on mute. You know where my allegiances lie. 

 

(pssst AJ/Kota is still pretty good)

That match is awaiting us on the dvr.  My youngest is digging the AJ Styles run in WWE and he is interested in this.  He just used his birthday money to get the WWE network and has been matching old NWA stuff.  It's all so strange.

[Curt McGirt]

I caught the end of it right after Oka/Hama and Ibushi took I think every single move on top of his head. Rippa's review of it is right. I think if you armbarred Ibushi he'd find a way to flip over like he's taking a German suplex.