Gorman

"Feed myself more!"

Thoughts on In Your House 8 (Beware of Dog) During the Mero-Helmsley opener, Vince McMahon correctly predicted that the power might go out. Mero's win would have been considered his career highlight aside from the IC title win, since Mero was so quickly lapped by Austin. Main event time already? I liked the Bulldog-HBK match despite the now-hackneyed double-pin finish. I also liked how Clarence Mason again tried to help his man win a match by serving a legal document on his opponent. Yokozuna won his literal "dark match" over Vader, but Vader won the PPV bout at Beware of Dog 2. I still don't know why they didn't do this match at WrestleMania. Goldust and the IC title didn't get a lot of shine from beating the Undertaker in a casket match, since it had the same finish as the casket match against Yokozuna, if you subtract nine bad guys. The Undertaker-Mankind feud is still rolling along well. Showing footage of the dark match between Austin and Savio Vega made them both seem super-tough, showing that this was their second brutal strap match in three days. Austin gets the MVP award despite his defeat for shedding DiBiase as a manager and going off toward eventual superstardom.

They could call it the NXT Gut Check Challenge and treat them all like rookies.

Aren't you supposed to be a Nice Guy, Eddie?

Now I want Vince to cover "U Got the Look" by Prince, but who should be his Sheena Easton?

I'm still not giving up on this. Give him a "Diesel" and give him a chance.

Save the Last Dance I'm here to help.

I'm still trying to get over the irony of a guy nicknamed "The Lone Wolf" teaming with anybody.

Thoughts on In Your House 7 (Good Friends, Better Enemies) Clarence Mason made an early bid for the MVP award with his injunction to ban Jake Roberts' snake. Little did he know that Jake had the power to grab Our Man Johnson from the back and magically turn the bout into a tag team match. Owen & Bulldog beat Jake & Ahmed in a reduced version of their Wrestlemania six-man. Diana Smith appeared on screen for about two seconds, which also happened at WrestleMania. I guess we had to remember who she was before she leveled her shocking accusations against Shawn Michaels. Goldust must have had a serious knee injury to have such a non-match with Ultimate Warrior. Poor Mantaur didn't even get a name as Goldust's one-time bodyguard whose sole purpose was to get beaten up by Warrior. At least they could have dressed up him up in a giant version of the "Goldust's usher" outfit. Razor Ramon gets the MVP award for his strong effort against Vader. Since Razor was on the way out of the company, he very easily could have mailed it in, and this would have been a one-match show. Instead, he made Vader look great in a competitive match. Mad Dog Vachon looked so happy to be at the show, especially knowing that his leg was going to be involved in the main event. Shawn Michaels was not happy with referee Earl Hebner shoehorning his way into his victory celebration at WrestleMania. So after beating Diesel, Shawn just threw Hebner out of the ring.

DA also got rid of ROH. And ROH was giving them their show for free. At least TNA got paid. Look this stupid company isn't allowed to die until I get the book. ..... and until I get to do commentary. I smuggled a #makeroom4Gorman sign into the Cleveland Impact show and taped it right behind the announcers. And I would have gotten away with it, too, if it weren't for that meddling producer, who tore it down at the last minute. And I didn't make all of those Gut Check Challenge videos for nothing. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=er1VtttgtLs&list=PLMavBLFAzyRC4T7rBLbxg2bwERXSLjmOx&index=31

Time for 10 new Brooke Hogan albums!

UR Fight is a company that makes customized MMA T-shirts and other apparel. At the MMA fights that I announce, several of the fighters and their fans have personalized T-shirts that say .... "It's UR Fight (Bulldog/Wildman/Destroyer) Win It!!"

"Big Fresh ... get the tables!"

I am begging for Elias Samson to come out to the song from the '70s educational TV series "The Electric Company:" He's the Drifterrrrrrr The Drifting Drifterrrrrrrr They call this man .... The Drifterrrrr

Bray was on Rover's Morning Glory today (syndicated radio show based in Cleveland). He said he has three goals: win the WWE title, headline WrestleMania, and beat The Undertaker.

Before I saw the photo, I thought, "Wow, I didn't expect Punk to throw out a Vince McMahon quote like that."

Agreed. Especially after JBL had been making a point of how important the title was to him in the build. I understand he's a heel and so talking a good game but not being able to back it up is expected, but it is a terrible, terrible ending. I don't know if Cena had a submission at that point but it would've come off better if he'd have had JBL in some kind of hold and JBL taps out super quickly to avoid having something broken. Like a fujiwara (I know I spelled that wrong) armbar or something else that looked super painful where if you don't tap quick, you're apt to get something broken badly. You spelled it right! All you need is a capital F.

I actually got to announce this match at the first ROH All-Star Extravaganza. It was for the #1 Contenders trophy, and since AJ won, they dressed up the little man on the trophy to look like him.

They're basically the worst of post-2005 Kurt Angle, anytime RVD, and 2002 ROH combined into one tiny package of shit. Davey Richards is like...the textbook example of indie shithead. Neck and neck with AR Fox. ----- (tear rolls down cheek) -----

Oops - I meant Razor and Goldust.

Thoughts on WrestleMania XII This show really got changed around. We were supposed to get Vader vs. Yokozuna, and a Miami Street Fight between Razor Ramon and Goldust. Even though Steve Austin beat Savio Vega by using the Million Dollar Belt, it was clear that Austin didn't need DiBiase at all, and that partnership would end shortly. The tag team title was really an afterthought here, as the Bodydonnas' win over the Godwinns in the tournament final was relegated to the Free for All match. Yoko was supposed to get 5 minutes with Jim Cornette if his team won, but they lost. Usually, the babyface gets his five minutes with the manager and then someone else attacks him to save the manager. Hunter Hearst Helmsley got crushed by the Ultimate Warrior but immediately started a feud with Marc Mero, which took away some of the attention from his quick defeat. Sable was mentioned several times during her debut, and she was also present for the Mero-Hunter brawl, so it was clear that she was not just Hunter's weekly arm candy. Diesel looked very good against the Undertaker, hitting two jackknife powerbombs and losing due to his own cockiness. Piper and Goldust had a very dangerous looking brawl. Piper seemed to have hurt his hand while bashing the car window, because it was bandaged when he arrived at the arena. Also, Piper looked like he could have been seriously hurt by riding on the hood of Goldust's car, but in retrospect that may have been a stuntman. It was hilarious how far the WWF went to get the OJ Simpson video footage joke. They made sure we saw that Piper was getting into a white Ford Bronco, and we could hear police sirens when Piper called Vince on the phone (twice) while chasing Goldust. The Iron Man match doesn't get enough love. Bret and Shawn didn't go crazy for 60 minutes, but they kept up a very good pace, so the match shouldn't be considered RestHoldMania. Shawn gets the slight edge for the MVP award thanks to his jaw-dropping zip-line entrance from the top of the arena.

If Storm left WWE now, he would have the same record as Harris (2-0).

Thoughts on In Your House 6 Razor Ramon and 1-2-3 Kid had a good blowoff to their feud. However, the "crybaby" match stipulation seemed a bit forced, especially compared to the hog pen match between HOG and HHH. Speaking of Hunter, Duke Droese had him beaten right in the middle of the ring with the Trash Compactor. Instead of collecting the pin, the Dumpster went to get his trash can. Of course, he ended up getting clobbered with the lid and pinned. It's hard for fans to get behind babyfaces when they are booked to be idiots. Yokozuna was booked to be a hero, cutting a promo in English and taking a huge beating from Davey Boy Smith and Vader. He's the MVP of the show. Rowdy Roddy Piper even set up a Vader-Yoko match for WrestleMania that never happened. Vader destroying Yoko in a singles match at WrestleMania would have shot him to the moon, but instead they went with a six-man match. Shawn Michaels and Owen Hart had the best match of the night. Shawn danced on top of the "In Your House" home, complete with pyro on top of the house. He then did a mini-rope swing to the stage, foreshadowing his epic entrance one month later at WrestleMania XII. Piper and Cornette ranted at each other while the cage was set up for Diesel and Bret. Before that conflict, Piper said the WWF title match at WM 12 would continue until there was a winner. So in kayfabe terms, Bret should not have expected to walk out as champion after a 60-minute draw. Bret battled Diesel on pay-per-view for the fourth time. I'm a big fan of steel cages preventing outside interference, so Undertaker coming through the mat and dragging Diesel to hell was the beginning of an unfortunate trend.

Nia Jax's biggest issue right now. She doesn't know how to not be incredibly attractive. She is a very good looking woman, who has a smile that lights up a room, but that isn't what you really want from your killer, monster heel. Her character is supposed to be Godzilla terrorizing Tokyo, but that isn't what I feel while watching her. OK guys, if you walk into a bar with all of the WWE women, and you had to pick which one to approach based purely on her body language, where does Nia Jax rank on the most approachable. She looks like she wants you to like her, when her character shouldn't want you to like her. This is a problem for some of us.

Thoughts on Royal Rumble 96 Razor Ramon lost the IC title to Goldust to kick off the year, just like he lost the belt one year earlier to Jeff Jarrett. Marlena really added a lot to Goldust's act, showing up just in time for him to win the title. Speaking of Jarrett, his top rope guitar shot to Our Man Johnson was one of the highlights of his WWF career. Vader looked great in the Rumble, earning the MVP award. There was no shame in his elimination, as he was battling Yokozuna only to have Shawn Michaels sneak up and topple both giants. Vader came back and threw everyone out, and he also foreshadowed his attack on Gorilla Monsoon, who was trying to get him under control. During the Rumble, Jerry Lawler did such a great job hiding under the ring that I forgot he was there until Michaels pulled him out. Steve Austin made his PPV debut, tossing out Bob Holly but getting pitched by "Makin' a Difference" Fatu. Mr. Perfect put Austin over strong by (of course) comparing Austin to himself. As Vince said at IYH 5, the 1996 Rumble featured participants we would never expect. True! I wouldn't have expected Doug Gilbert, Dory Funk Jr. and the Headhunters (aka Squat Team). The latter duo was very entertaining. One got eliminated by Vader and came right back with the other so they could get clobbered by Vader and Yokozuna. The finish of the Rumble made Diesel look strong, too, as he had just eliminated Kama when he ate the Sweet Chin Music. Diesel also had another "Attitude Era" moment when he flipped off Undertaker. He was developing the "nWo Kevin Nash" persona that would end up paying dividends for WCW.