Gorman

Thoughts on Royal Rumble 1997 Mr. Hughes wasn't the best bodyguard Hunter Hearst Helmsley ever had; at one point he simply watched Goldust run right past him to attack his boss. Our Man Johnson vs. Faarooq wasn't a great match, but it told the "one man vs. a gang" story very well. I loved Johnson's powerbomb of the nameless Nation member through the Rougeaus' (Reymond and Jacques Sr.) French announce table. Vader got a nice career reboot by beating The Undertaker and getting Paul Bearer as his new manager. Too bad it didn't help his career that much. The fans did not care about the lucha popcorn match. El Canek looked the best by press-slamming all three opponents. This influx of Mexican talent did not match up to the younger, faster stars WCW was using at the time. Mil Mascaras' "oops! Silly me" self-elimination from the Rumble might have been more effective if Johnson hadn't eliminated himself over the top earlier in the match to go after Faarooq. All Johnson had to do was stay in the ring, and Faarooq would have come right to him. Stone Cold Steve Austin lasted the longest in the Rumble, had the most eliminations, and won the whole thing, so he's the MVP of the show. Only Ric Flair has turned in a more complete, impressive Rumble performance. Shawn Michaels was in the perfect place of love, acceptance and success after he won the WWF title in his hometown of San Antonio. That makes it all the more amazing that he "lost his smile" only a few weeks later. He just didn't want to lose to Bret Hart, which became even more clear later in the year.

Do yourself a favor and Google "Steel City Wrestling Reckless Youth." You can watch him wrestling Mike Quackenbush on Episode 3 with me and Mark Madden on commentary.

Thoughts on In Your House 12: It's Time Poor Vader wasn't even on the show that was named for him. The only sign that he still worked for the WWF was the announcement that he would face The Undertaker at Royal Rumble. For the second straight time, Flash Funk's Funkettes had to dance in a very narrow aisle, leaving them vulnerable to the grasping fans. I don't have any memory of a feud between Austin and Davey Boy Smith, which distracted the Bulldog before and during his tag team title match with Owen against the Fake Outsiders. I think the WWF should have gone all the way and put the belts on the fakes. Wasn't the whole point of the gimmick that the WWF could turn anyone into a star? Clarence Mason managed Owen and Bulldog and then materialized in the balcony during the next segment with the Nation of Domination. It seemed like he was managing half the heel roster, yet he didn't say a word all night. Hunter Hearst Helmsley is the MVP of the show. He raised the prestige of the IC title with this title defense against Marc Mero and the one at the Rumble against Goldust. Little did he know that he was getting fattened up to be served to Rocky Maivia. Undertaker was in little danger of losing to Executioner despite the liberal interference of Mankind, who got put into a straitjacket. Why was one of those handy? Shawn Michaels did commentary for the Bret-Sid title match. He totally put Bret over as a wrestler while completely burying him as a person. We also saw the beginning of Bret's (U.S.) heel when he attacked HBK.

Thoughts on Survivor Series 96 Bart Gunn's team (Holly, Montoya, Roadie) beat Billy Gunn's team (Bradshaw, Sultan, Sincere) on the pre-show, with Bart pinning Billy to emerge as the sole survivor. Nobody cared about this feud, and the Rockabilly repackaging was coming up next. Doug Furnas & Phil Lafon were unfamiliar to the MSG crowd, but they got a good pop for pinning Leif Cassidy, Owen and Bulldog in succession. If you thought a Buried Alive match would end the Undertaker-Mankind feud, think again. Executioner saved Paul Bearer from getting killed by Undertaker (well, for now) but Taker dispatched him with ease. Barry "The Stalker" Windham's fluffy mustache looked like it belonged in 1896, not 1996. The New York fans actually rallied behind Rocky Maivia, since he had not yet been pushed down their throats. Bret Hart wins the MVP for his fantastic match with Steve Austin, the perfect opponent for the "safe, yet realistic" style that he prefers. Hart gets the award for coming back from a long layoff without any noticeable ring rust. After that great match, it was hilarious to see some guy (Rick Bognar) dressed up as Razor Ramon, followed by Kane (of all people) dressed up as Diesel. The camera zoomed back to show the big pop for surprise guest Jimmy Snuka, but it just didn't happen. But give Snuka credit for bodyslamming Vader (!) and pinning Fake Razor with a Superfly splash. Shawn Michaels really disliked getting booed by the MSG crowd, and he wasn't shy about showing it. Sid got the edge by doing whatever it took to win, in this case, attacking Jose Lothario. It showed the level HBK would have to reach to regain the belt.

She used to be Maxine in NXT.

Sylvester, actually, but maybe he would have gotten over more with Daffy Duck lines. "A close-up, you jerk! A close-up!"

Now that's a TV show right there.

I want to say it's Ramsey.

The best trick Nice Guy Eddie ever pulled is convincing this board that he doesn't exist.

Thoughts on In Your House 11: Buried Alive Barry Windham won the dark match over Justin Bradshaw. The future New Blackjacks explode! The face/heel lines on this show were heavily blurred. Jim Ross was a face because the WWF was screwing with his microphone, plus he was bringing Bret Hart back to Raw the following night. But he was a heel because he brought in the fake Razor Ramon and Diesel. Stone Cold Steve Austin, usually a heel, got a babyface tryout when his opponent, Savio Vega, was replaced by Hunter Hearst Helmsley. Austin didn’t turn face until WM 13 against Bret, but this experiment showed promise. Mr. Perfect stole Hunter’s arm candy, but he also got into a dispute with Austin. Later, while doing commentary, Perfect slugged Goldust, leading to his loss to Marc Mero. One night later, we discovered that Perfect and Hunter were in cahoots all along with the “steal the valet” bit. In other news, Sunny continued to dominate the tag team title scene. Billy Gunn was more focused on her than on regaining the belts. Standing backstage, Sunny applauded when Bulldog & Owen retained the titles, but she didn’t go on to manage them. Undertaker gets the MVP award for finally winning a big match in his feud with Mankind. Only the Undertaker could build the audience’s investment in his character to accept moments like the lightning zapping the tombstone and his glove bursting through the soil. Of course, this match gave us the image of Helmsley literally burying someone, long before we learned what a “meme” was.

Thoughts on In Your House 10: Mind Games Jim Cornette getting squashed by Jose Lothario was the perfect result. Then Clarence Mason signed away Owen and Bulldog from the half-conscious Cornette and promptly led them to the tag team title. Owen and Bulldog did their best to get a face reaction from the Philly crowd, even though Mason was managing them. However, defacing the giant photo of Sunny just didn't seem like something they would do. Sunny firing the Gunns after one loss didn't make sense either. Savio Vega beat Marty Jannetty on the Free-For-All match and then beat Bradshaw in a Caribbean Strap match. After sitting through 4 Savio matches one year earlier at King of the Ring, the Philadelphia fans had to wonder, "why is Savio only being shoved down our throats?" Mankind gets the MVP award for his injection of "Extreme" into the WWF title scene. That match was already amazing, but when Mankind and HBK both went off the top rope through a table, the match reached 5 stars. Only the nonsensical Vader DQ dropped it down from that level. If it weren't for Foley, the award would go to Jerry Lawler for working his hardest to make the debuting Mark Henry look as good as possible. The New Rockers and Hunter Hearst Helmsley also got bounced around as Vince swung for the fences on Henry's debut.

Buff Bagwell filed a class-action lawsuit against WWE for royalties for WWE Network footage. Here's my article from Courthouse News: http://www.courthousenews.com/2016/08/11/wrestler-wants-wwe-to-pay-network-royalties.htm

I could see Raw walking away with all the titles, and then Smackdown starting from scratch with new titles on Tuesday night.

You're the expert, Mr. Snackwell !! Also, Ailes has a non-compete, so no FN Lucha ... yet

At least nobody can turn on her.

Thoughts on SummerSlam 96 I was there at Gund Arena in Cleveland. It was the first pay-per-view at the Cleveland Cavaliers' arena, which is now Quicken Loans Arena. Austin 3:16 was two months earlier, but here was Stone Cold in the Free-For-All match, beating Yokozuna. Owen Hart beat Savio Vega in a very good opener. I had forgotten all about this match. Between this bout and the Austin feud, Savio Vega was a lot better than I had remembered. The four-way tag match was a mess. Skip showed up wearing a neck brace, which was ridiculous for someone who was supposed be competing. After the Smoking Gunns won, we were treated to Sunny unveiling a giant photo of herself. Sunny showed up later with Faarooq, making the Gunns and everyone else in this match even more irrelevant. Clarence Mason was great at trying to steal Jim Cornette's talent while Cornette was preoccupied with preparing Vader for the main event. This foreshadowed Mason becoming a manager. Poor Marc Mero lost yet again on pay-per-view. He even debuted his "Wild Thing" shooting star press, but it wasn't enough to beat Goldust. Sable began to really outshine Mero at this point, as Goldust was obsessed with her (Marlena even approved), and Mankind took time off from preparing for the Boiler Room Brawl to visit Sable and call her his "mommy." Lawler finally got a "real" win on pay-per-view by beating Jake Roberts. As a huge Browns fan, Lawler must have felt weird putting on a Ravens jersey, heeling on the Browns fans and praising Art Modell. Of course, this was during the three-year period where the Browns didn't exist, as we had to wait until 1999 to get a new team. Vader should have won the WWF title from Shawn Michaels. The WWF had built Vader perfectly as a monster, and there would have been no shame in losing to him. Vader could have been a dominant champion for the rest of the year until Shawn won the title back at Royal Rumble. Then they could have done the same thing with Sid, although Shawn would have surely lost his smile by that time. The Boiler Room brawl was a lot better to watch at home on the network with my daughter 20 years later than it was live. It was a great match, but we were watching it on the basketball scoreboard screens, which were not very big. Two of my best friends in wrestling, "Handsome" Frank Stalletto and "Beef Stew" Lou Marconi, served as druids. Paul Bearer gets the MVP award. My dad and brother were with me, 11 years after Dad had taken us to our first show at the Richfield Coliseum with Hogan vs. Savage on top. Dad didn't care much about wrestling, but when Paul Bearer turned on Undertaker, Dad was fit to be tied. He was absolutely outraged that Bearer would stab the Undertaker in the back. Twenty years later, my daughter's reaction: "That was quite the plot twist!"

The funny thing about Donovan asking about everyone's weight is that the ring announcer says everyone's weight before the match.

Thoughts on In Your House 9 (International Incident) Jerry Lawler lost the dark match to Phinneas Godwinn, of all people, Later on commentary, Lawler joked about how bad the Vancouver Grizzlies were. Little did he know they would become his hometown team. Why would the Body Donnas-Smoking Gunns match on pay-per-view be non-title? I love how Skip essentially said, "We dumped Kloudy, and we don't need a manager, so now everybody likes us!" There was still no reason to cheer for them. One month after "accidentally" costing The Undertaker his match against Mankind, Paul Bearer showed no signs that he would turn on Taker one month later. It's nice when the foreshadowing isn't so overwhelming that everyone knows what is going to happen. Conversely, I wished Jim Cornette hadn't made his ridiculous money-back guarantee, because that gave away that his team was going to win. Bob Backlund had a funny moment, campaigning for President in the wrong country. Mankind gets the MVP award for his hard work. Even though original opponent Jake Roberts wasn't there, Mankind had a good match against Henry Godwinn. Then he popped up through the ring to attack the Undertaker two matches later. Sid gets honorable mention for replacing Warrior in the six-man main event. It reminds me of a house show I went to in 1991 when Sid also replaced Warrior...so we got Sid-Undertaker. Sid busted out the first chokeslam I had ever seen, causing me to lose my mind on commentary (into my little tape recorder). "He just grabbed him with one hand, and lifted him six feet off the ground!"

Thoughts on King of the Ring 96 Owen Hart wasn't the best on commentary, but at least he was a consistent heel. I would have loved hear him break out a "how much does this guy weigh?" as a homage to Art Donovan two years earlier when Owen became king. Vader was kept strong with a DQ loss and a vicious attack on Jake Roberts. They are building him perfectly towards a match with HBK at SummerSlam. What could possibly go wrong with Vader's WWF push? Too bad this was the end of Davey Boy's run as a WWF title challenger, but he did his job (literally) building up Shawn as champion. I didn't understand Mr. Perfect's involvement as special referee at all. I'm surprised Diana Hart wasn't more involved since the feud was originally about her. Ultimate Warrior's match with Jerry Lawler was perfect. Lawler runs his mouth, piledriver fails, Warrior gets the win, and we're done in under 4 minutes. Kudos to Goldust for dragging the extremely limited Our Man Johnson to a 15-minute match and putting him over as Intercontinental champ. Johnson's title reign was in the Paul Heyman-The Public Enemy category as far as masking someone's shortcomings. Steve Austin is the obvious winner of the MVP award for his great match with Mero, his brutal destruction of Roberts, and his short but iconic Austin 3:16 promo. Not only that, but he went to the hospital between his two matches and got 16 stitches in his mouth. Austin also wisely didn't put on the crown and cape and talk about being a king. Still, he didn't get to the upper echelon of the WWF until his feud with Bret Hart. Austin had to fight Mero again at IYH 9, and he was actually in the pre-show match against Yokozuna at SummerSlam.

Now I want to see Mojo Rawley doing a "Money Monster" gimmick.

"Feed myself more!"

Thoughts on In Your House 8 (Beware of Dog) During the Mero-Helmsley opener, Vince McMahon correctly predicted that the power might go out. Mero's win would have been considered his career highlight aside from the IC title win, since Mero was so quickly lapped by Austin. Main event time already? I liked the Bulldog-HBK match despite the now-hackneyed double-pin finish. I also liked how Clarence Mason again tried to help his man win a match by serving a legal document on his opponent. Yokozuna won his literal "dark match" over Vader, but Vader won the PPV bout at Beware of Dog 2. I still don't know why they didn't do this match at WrestleMania. Goldust and the IC title didn't get a lot of shine from beating the Undertaker in a casket match, since it had the same finish as the casket match against Yokozuna, if you subtract nine bad guys. The Undertaker-Mankind feud is still rolling along well. Showing footage of the dark match between Austin and Savio Vega made them both seem super-tough, showing that this was their second brutal strap match in three days. Austin gets the MVP award despite his defeat for shedding DiBiase as a manager and going off toward eventual superstardom.

They could call it the NXT Gut Check Challenge and treat them all like rookies.

Aren't you supposed to be a Nice Guy, Eddie?

Now I want Vince to cover "U Got the Look" by Prince, but who should be his Sheena Easton?