DEATH VALLEY DRIVER VIDEO REVIEW – ISSUE #182

Posted on September 3, 2018 4:33 PM by Phil

2018~! is the year of PCO~! and L.A. PARK~! and BANDIDO~! DEAN~! has no idea who DYLAN KAGE~! is! WCW SIN~! fucking WCW SIN~! A look at how the DVD 500~! sausage got made! FLAMITA~! RYUCHI KAWAKAMI~! RUSH~! SID’S HORRIFIC LEG INJURY~! and so much MORE~!

WELCOME TO DEATH VALLEY DRIVER VIDEO REVIEW – ISSUE #182

Hiya~!

I…. uh…. yeah… here are some really really really old things.

Maybe another one before the year ends.

It will all be over at 200.

ASSORTED MANIA 2018 WEEK MATCHES

(by PHIL RIPPA)

I spent most of the time before the Bataan Death March that is WrestleMania doing chores around the house (sorting socks sucks) and finding those random Mania week matches that interested me. Normally, we (I) avoid reviewing newer stuff because everyone else with a website or Twitter account or blog or Youtube channel or Tumblr or street corner will tell you about the show so do we really need to join that crowd?

The (unintentional) solution was write them immediately and then have them sit for five months because life man.

MINORU SUZUKI vs. MATT RIDDLE – BLOODSPORT (04/05/18)

For those unaware – the first show of NOLA Mania week was Matt Riddle (in conjunction with GCW) running a themed show called “Bloodsport”. All the matches where in a no rope ring where you could only win via submission or knockout. The match was originally supposed to be Riddle vs. Low Ki but Low Ki dropped out the day before show for Low Ki reasons. The replacement was an upgrade for everyone not named Phil Schneider as Minoru Suzuki was all “Sure I am a crazy psycho – this card sounds perfect for me.”

I have no idea how this match would have been if it had been vs. Low Ki. I feel like it would have been a totally different match so it may or may not have worked. I doubt though I would have enjoyed it as fucking much as the match we got though.

It was just two guys trying to bash each other in the face. And when not doing that, they were trying to choke the life out of each other. The worked the ring, took advance of the no-ropes aspect by fighting on the apron and floor, Eddie Kingston was awesome as Riddle’s second in getting over how violent the match was and how bad a motherfucker Suzuki is. Suzuki threatened a fan that booed him and he chased the ref. God – I got everything I wanted out of this match. OH! And it was also only like 10 minutes long. And with everything else going on this week – that is a HUGE plus.

The match won’t be for everyone. If you never really liked any sort of worked/shoot Rings/Pancrase type match, this probably won’t be for you. But I really dug the different presentation and feel the match/show had. It did help that it felt like there were like 475201 packed inside. And the AC worked so we didn’t have to deal with a Bix investigation. Definitely would recommend.

REY FENIX/REY HORUS vs. FLAMITA/BANDIDO – WRESTLECON (04/05/18)

And then on the absolute other end of the wrestling spectrum is this match.

WrestleCon offered a little bit of everything. Like this was the Lucha feature match that came right after Jeff Cobb vs. Tomohiro Ishii (more on that match in a few paragraphs) and a couple of matches after Jerry Lawler lit Joey Ryan’s dick on fire.

There was a lot chatter after all the Day 1 wrestling that this was Match of the Day (and potential Match of the Week and Match of the Year contender). It wasn’t THAT good but it was fucking fun.

Everyone already knows about Fenix and to a lesser extent, Flamita and Rey Horus. Bandido, however, will probably end up being the breakout star of 2018. (It is too early to predict a BOLA entry?) Cool mask. Dreamy hair. Willingness to want to attempt to die on every move. What’s not to love?

They pack a lot into a match that barely cracks double digit minutes (I think it went about 12 minutes). The TOO MANY DIVES~! crowd with loathe this match but there is also plenty of them deciding to beat the shit out of each other too.

The only “flaws” with the match are that the camerawork misses a bunch of the big moves but I have watched so much actual lucha that misses the big moves that I wonder if I should credit it with being authentic. Either way – that isn’t a fault of any of the four men in the match. What is their fault is Bandido and Flamita doing the Floss dance. TERRY FUNK DIDN’T WEAR NO BACKPACK!!!

JEFF COBB vs. TOMOHIRO ISHII – WRESTLECON (04/05/18)

Maybe I should have waited a week to finish the Ishii 1001 Matches piece. Could have added another notch to the “Ishii vs. Indie Darling” column.

This match actually took place right before the above lucha match which gives you a small example of the variety that WrestleCon provides on its Mania show. (I just happened to watch them out of order. I am also not going out of my way to watch the Golden Lovers vs Flip Gordon/Chuck Taylor match. Nor was am I wasting seconds on Joey Ryan/Jerry Lawler… though that one would be shorter than your average Katy Perry song.)

Oh yeah – just realized I wrote all of that in the last match too. I am totally losing it. Fuck and the kickoff show hasn’t even begun yet. I am going to die. CURSE YOU ROAD TO WRESTLEMANIA!

This is my type of match as it is two big bulls beating the piss out of each other. It isn’t subtle and won’t be for everyone (honestly, the matches that are for everyone I can probably count on one hand). Yeah, I tend to think “Maybe you don’t have to chop each other a billion times. A million would also work.” and there are other times I am thinking “It would have been swell if they didn’t bonk heads together.” but I am gonna keep on digging it. Clearly, I have no care for human life and am worse than Hitler.

Yup – clearly headed down a dark path now.

Hey – look at that. Jeff Cobb gassed himself out hitting Ishii so much. That is a nifty twist on that formula. Man, I like this match.

I wish Dean liked wrestling. This would be his jam.

WALTER vs. PCO – JOEY JANELA’S SPRING BREAK 2 (04/06/18)

All I know is I think this show ended like 45 minutes ago and all my Twitter timeline is filled with is how amazing this match is. Like legit – I forgot that Janela vs. Great Sasuke was the main event for a minute. I am gonna sneak this is in but the dog needs to be walked and Renee Young waits for no man.

Technically the show is put on by Game Changer Wrestling so we are going to blame them for Virgil coming into the ring for no reason and then grabbing a fan’s boob on the way out. At least, the crowd is shitting on Virgil. Hope the fuck money was worth it.

I didn’t realize that I needed Pierre Carl-Oulette back in my live but apparently I did. He looks amazing for his age – which is just far enough away from me that I can hint he is old without it hypocritical. He also wears his trunks up to his belly button and I am thrilled. I love wrestlers I can related to. PCO also looks thrilled to be here which I am thinking that his mind might feel differently after being in a match with WALTER.

WALTER somehow dwarves PCO so that shows how enormous he is. He tells PCO that he respects his career and that he would feel really guilty killing an old man so he should head to the back now. PCO disagrees with this assessment and they get to the “turning each other’s body into chop meat” portion of the match.
First chunk of the match is WALTER wailing on PCO and just being disgusted that he has to waste his time in the match. Then it is WALTER being frustrated that PCO keeps coming.

The TRANSITION~! is WALTER chopping the ring post and PCO starts working over the chopping hand. But clearly bored with that, PCO does CRAZY OLD MAN BUMP~! #1 by doing a Top Rope Moonsault to nothing. Well it was a little more than nothing because the tiny ref quasi-catches him but that is about it.

So after some selling – WALTER decides that it is time for CRAZY OLD MAN BUMP~! #2 and powerbombs PCO through a table on the floor. He then drags PCO’s corpse into the ring, does another powerbomb and calls out a 2nd ref. This only gets a two count.

Oh hey… PCO is busted open now. Good as time as any for PCO to Hulk up and a chop battle begins that makes the place come fucking unglued. I mean if anyone can get the better of a chop battle with WALTER – it is gonna be PCO. (Well also probably Kenta Kobashi but that ship has sailed.)

CRAZY OLD MAN BUMPS~! #3 and #4 happen in consecutive moves with PCO doing a tope and then doing a rope assisted tope con hilo. And by the time I finish typing that, CRAZY OLD MAN BUMP~! #5 occurs with a top rope rana (granted that is more a move for PCO then bump but we are sticking with the theme.)

Both guys are exhausted and there some great visuals with sweat flying off bodies with every strike. So exhausted that PCO does a fucking split legged moonsault!?!?!?!?! (Yeah – CRAZY OLD MAN BUMP~! #6) This match is absurd.

Funnily enough, the finish is kinda mundane and PCO hits the Cannonball and wins. It seems fairly obvious that people were expecting that but I am 99% that is a product of the crowd having no idea what PCO’s finisher was.
I am not sure you are going to find a better match that ends at 1 AM.

~!~

DVDVR 500 TAPE SCOUTING REPORT #1

(by DEAN RASMUSSEN)

(Editor’s Note: I found this via one of the various archives I check. Based on the dates of the matches – this would be for DVD 500 V.5) 

MICHINOKU PRO 8/8/01
MPro gets swept under the rug until 500 time because HEY! it’s sooo fucking not TORYUMON or BattlARTS. Still, to make the 500 legit in our eyes ya gotta sit there and watch the matches- so here we go. I’m trying to figure out if Sasuke has lost anything, if Dick Togo is back, which way TM4 should go and who gets to plunge and who gets to surge.

Dick Togo vs. Mr. Cacao: Hey, they wrestled at TRIANGLE OF APEX! Togo throws motherfucking GREAT punches and Cacoa takes them like a man. Togo has lost weight and is ready to take his spot in the “Japan indies go all 1988 US Pro Style” sweepstakes and this is right in the middle of the coolest movement in Japan Indie Wrestling in recent memory. Dick in the vertical base to set up heelishness, More fucking GREAT punches. Cacao is looking super-bush league with the crappy dropkick and People’s Elbow. Togo’s Senton still rules. Cacao does hit a MANLY tope that could help him out. Need to find a longer Mr Cacao match beforte I can really say one way or the other since he didn’t really show much at Apex Of Triangle. Kinda like a handsome version of GENTARO at this point, odd highflying that I dig from a earthy sense of the art of the Professional Wrestling.

Men’s Teioh/ Daisuke Sekimoto vs. Jinsei Shinzaki/ Chi-Nen Hokkai: Is Men’s ready to join Togo, Jado, Gedo and Masato Tanaka in TAKING BACK THE NIGHT for the indie workers of Japan? Let’s see shall we. Hmmmm. Chi-Nen Hokkai looks like poop. Seikimoto is super sketchy. They both look pretty lost. MEN’S and Shinzaki have at it and MEN’S is overselling like Terry Funk. Seikimoto and Hokkai show a bit more by the end but nothing you could call “good”. Seikimoto does lotsa spears. Actually these two are horrible. Seikimoto less so, but still horrible. Couldn’t really get a read on the current state of MEN’S or Hakushi

Curry Man vs. Ikuto Hidaka: Daniels is slick as fuck in the clips. Hidaka is back to a Nise Ricky Morton thing here and that’s cool. He’s still all versatile and shit. his highflying is fabulous here. Daniels moonsault is soooo fucking beautiful. Daniels is dynamic and shit with the dramatic roll-up and Hidaka matches him as he flies into a few submissions. Daniels fucking rules. Hidaka looked good but I’m thinking that Minoru Fujita has passed him in comparison.

Pentagon Black/ Masao Orihara/ Fujin vs Great Sasuke/ Gran Hamada/ Tiger Mask IV: Orihara looks like he always has. Fujin is fun. Is he Ni Hao? Is he COW*COW? TM4 is fun here beating the fuck out of Orihara. Fujin will bump like a motherfucking freak. I love the evil mask. Pentagon Black is pretty stinky in this. Is he Kenchi Takano? Hamada still has mad phat ups. Sasuke is on cruise control the last six months but the Great Sasuke in cruisecontrol is still the Great Sasuke. Actually, Orihara is going the extra mile but he is still SO wherever he was before, I’m guessing. OH WAIT! Pentagon Black just tried to bump his way into his heart. I’m assuming that Fujin is already on the list as someone else because he fucking rules. Sasuke with the BEAUTIFUL Tope Con Hilo. Fuck it, Sasuke rules in this. Hmmm… I need singles matches of everyone.

Perro Russo/ Fujin vs. Tsubo Genjin/ Beef Wellington: Oh shit. I’m thinking three of these guys aren’t getting on. Beef with a nice suplex. There ya go. Fujin can work- even with these choads. Oh Tsubo Tsubo Tsubo…

Dick Togo vs. Hideki Nishida: AH! The DDT tassle guy! AWESOME! Dick Togo looks fucking GREAT. Nishida is third best Armstrong on the list I’m a thinking. And he hits the fat ass tope on Togo. I am beginning to hop on some dicks as we say in DVDVRland. MAN, Dick Togo’s punches fucking rule. NASHIDA blades in from of fourteen people- THUS, I am officially ON HIS DICK. JEEZUS, Nishida musta drank a fifth of grain and swallowed a bottle of aspirin. HOLY FUCK, NISHIDA IS THE FUCKING KING- the three twist Rana. He and Togo go all roll-up crazy. God, that’s a lot of blood. I’m waaaay up on both these guys. I would need a non-Togo Nishida match to gauge him properly I would assume- because Togo can still rudo like an absolute motherfucker.

Jinsei Shinzaki/ Tiger Mask/ Chi-Nen Hokkai vs. Men’s Teioh/ Ikuto Hidaka/ Daisuke Sekimoto: Let’s see these again. Sekimoto and Hokkai look HIDEOUS and I blame Hokkai. Hidaka and TM4 go all lucha as hell. TM4 brings a new fun move- the backflip double knee to the chest. Nothing here is making me stir either way for anyone other than a new unlove for the youngsters. Actually TM4 and Hidaka have a fun exchange at the end but nthing that would cause any movement either way for any of the top four involved.

Curry Man vs. Great Sasuke: This match is pivotal, though Daniels in Japan is often problematic. In full Curryman gimmick you get a different Daniels. Either way, this is one of the major matches we can judge Sasuke on in the last 6 months- so it is key. Daniels works on the arm and Sasuke sells it early- so that’s fine. Daniels has fun armbar variations. It’s all a little sloppy but Sasuke sells the arm like a champ. Tope Con Hilo as first move after transition to offense is fun and Sasuke still sells the shoulder. And then the Senton To The Floor?!? AWRIGHT. Hmmm… I can see where the problems are with this match. They both sell really well and the arm-torture by Daniels looks really hurty and the big moves by Sasuke look really sharp but it never really heats up and gets really good. I dunno. Sasuke ruins a match by selling his arm too well? Yeah, kinda. I can’t hold that against him too much.

~!~

*PAYOLLA REVIEW* WCW SIN (01/14/01)

(by PHIL RIPPA)

I don’t remember what I specifically did to get to make Dolfan select this little chestnut for me to review but I need to figure it out and do it again because I have bills to pay.

WCW Sin replaced Souled Out because of course it did. It is the antepenultimate WCW PPV and, yes, I had no idea antepenultimate was a word until today because why say “third to last” when you can use a 17 letter word that you are sure to misspell. (Word being utterly baffled is a bonus.)

I was deeply punched out on WCW by this time that I have no idea what happened even at the time of the show let alone now 17 years later. I am looking up the show instead of going in blind because I need to know how long this is goi…. OH FUCKING HELL! THIS IS THE SHOW SID BREAKS HIS LEG ON! GOD DAMMIT!!! Well this is gonna suck.

The first shots of the Indy crowd are several disinterested folks including one lady who is actively trying to avoid the camera. Oh and then there is the obvious plant wearing a leather tank top. No offensive signs… yet.

Whoops – should specify that when I say Indy I truly mean Indianapolis, Indiana not staking my claim in the whole Indy vs. Indie debate.

SHANE HELMS vs. CHAVO GUERRERO JR – WCW CRUISERWEIGHT TITLE

Helms gets this title shot because he and Shannon Moore tied in a #1 contender ladder match so they had a singles match on Nitro that Helms won. Again – why you needed to have a tie outside of cutesy booking is the question. But the answer as always “WCW”.

We see in the back that Helms tells Moore that he can do this alone so clearly Moore is turning on Helms when he inevitably shows up during the finish. So preemptive THREE COUNT EXPLODES~!

It is clear that Helms SHOULD have been the face in the match but the crowd was having none of it. Of course, Chavo isn’t helping matters by slapping hands and kissing babies. Maybe cheap shotting dudes with belts to the face was a face move in 2001. It was a simpler time.

Man – Scott Armstrong’s dyed perm is very distracting.

This is a perfectly acceptable match that probably will be the best wrestling on the show. Honestly – if this it had aired during the Vince McMahon vision of #205Live you wouldn’t have batted an eye. You have to get over the fact that Chavo Jr isn’t very good. My favorite part is when Chavo shoot kneed Helms in the dick and then acts like it was Helms fault so he follows up with a shoot forearm instead of going for a cover. PROFESSIONAL~! God I am now trying to decide who I want to watch less – Enzo or Chavo Jr. This is a lot harder decision than it should be.

The match is nowhere near as exciting as Tony Schiavone or Scott Hudson are trying to make you believe. They might be impressed by quasi crossbodys to the floor and Chavo blatantly calling spots but I am not. And Lord – when Chavo kicks out of the Nightmare on Helms Street you would have thought they saw a unicorn. Basically – Chavo kicks out of Helms primary and secondary finishers and then pins him clean with a single brainbuster. Still – it is clean as a sheet and I feel like that is a rarity in these WCW days. Maybe a half worldwide point. Did Moore every turn on Helms? That had to have happened, right?

Before I forget “WCW + COM.” That is how the website appears on the ring apron. It was like they were trying to prevent bots from stealing their email address off a message board post.

Mike Tenay pesters Ric Flair to learn who the mystery opponent that is coming for Scott Steiner. Oh yeah… the mystery opponent will be a part of the Main Event because why have a Triple Threat when you can have a Fatal Four way. Flair knows the identity of the mystery man but he won’t name names. Clearly, it is Mabel.

The Mamalukes interview where it is announced that Johnny the Bull is barred from ringside. Johnny could care less. Vito cuts a promo that doesn’t involve I PINNED MISAWA! so that was disappointing.

BIG VITO vs. RENO

“RENO HAS BEEN IN THE BIG HOUSE AND THEY TEACH YOU HOW TO FIGHT IN THERE!” – God Bless you Scott Hudson

I should insert that Spiderman vs. Spiderman meme here as Vito and Reno are twins except for Reno’s ridiculous ponytail. And by ridiculous I mean amazing. Who else has the balls to go to a barber and say “I want to look like a horse’s ass and I mean that in the literal sense not the figurative sense.”?

The meme also works because this is BROTHER vs. BROTHER~! We are only told this a 1000 times. Fucking Schiavone and Hudson.

This is an awesomely great bad Hoss sprint match. Basically just two guys just pounding on each other with no real desire to sell anything. Or execute moves properly. Or have any sort of match structure. Hey – this top rope superplex 90 seconds into the match is an idea! Swell – I am gonna kick you in the face! Okay – I am dropping you on your head!

This is quite the GIFable match and I really hope someone not named Stro made ones of the time they tried to whip each other into the ropes. Or that time Reno attempted a dropkick. (Imagine the time Michael Tarver tried to throw a Superman punch only in dropkick form.)

Reno wins with the Roll of the Dice (think a Crossroads) that Vito took like he wanted to get placed in WCW’s non-existing concussion protocol.

Two clean finishes on matches that I didn’t hate watching. I am not used to these feelings and am not quite sure what I should do with my hands.

Commissioner Mike Sanders is backstage in the dark paying off Bryan Adams to do something but then Bryan Clark comes in and says they got an even better pay off. (FYI – it took me another hour to remember Adams and Clark were named Kronik.) I don’t know why folks decided these shots where the only thing you can make out clearly is “Smoking Area” sign was good production. Is everyone nude and they are trying to shoot it all artsy like. I mean I am going to be really into this PPV if suddenly everyone is nude.

JUNG DRAGONS (YUN YANG/KAZ HAYASHI) vs. EVAN KARAGIAS/JAMIE NOBLE

Is Kimona Wanaleya going dance on top of the Conseco Fieldhouse? Ooof… her name is Leia Meow. How did they find something worse than Kimona Wanaleya?

They make a point to brag about how this match was added at the last minute. THEY ARRIVED AT THE ARENA NOT KNOWING THEY HAD A MATCH!!! Of course it is the match of the night. WCW – where ill preparedness is a positive.

Kaz immediately crushes Karagias with a German and I instantly love this match.

This is every this decade indie spotfest but since this is 2001 none of us are used to it and it fucking rules. Granted it is hard to suck when you have Jamie Knoble, Kaz and Jimmy Yang. And they all seem to want to make sure they beat the shit out of Karagias. Wins all around. The crowd reacts big to a lot of things so that is a plus too.

There is WAY too much to cover. Make sure to marvel at HOT TAG YANG~! Make sure to not marvel at Yang’s punches.  Okay – a sit out top rope power bomb and it isn’t the finish. WELCOME TO THE FUTURE~!

This would have ranked as the last great WCW match if not for the fact that Yang totally fucks up the finish. He is supposed to hit Yang Time (the corkscrew moonsault) but he flies way past Noble (and does a number on his tailbone in the process.) Noble has to call an audible and has Yang roll him up out of a suplex attempt for the three.

Three for three on clean finishes and fun to great matches. God for 2001 WCW this was an amazing show. What? Whadda you mean there is still over two hours to go? Oh God Dammit.

Totally Buff show up in a Ford Coupe. They both barely fit into the car since when it was made in like 1933 Ford didn’t know they would have to factor in PED use. Luger has head to toe UNC gear on because…. Fuck Duke???

MIKE SANDERS vs. THE CAT – Winner gets to be Commissioner and Ms. Jones

Here we go. We have reached the other side of the bell curve now.

Commissioner Mike Sanders has THE STICK~! and was his accent always this Southern? How the fuck did I forget that? I think he says that since the commissionership pays shit, he only wants to win so he can fuck Ms. Jones. He and the Cat (because he also has THE STICK~!) drive home the point that WCW is shitty and only they can turn it around.

Fuck this. I am just waiting for the Kronik interference. I don’t know how many more sunsets I have left. I am not wasting one on watching this match. Even the Kronik interference was a death by a thousands cuts.

1)    Ms. Jones threatens Sanders with an upside down chair. This got a hearty chuckle from me… for the first five seconds. Then she ran around the ring never being corrected and the parade of idiocy began.
2)    Natural Born Thrillaz run out to beat on the Cat. Ref Mickie Jay is oblivious
3)    Kronik then runs out and beats up Natural Born Thrillaz. Jay still oblivious
4)    One member of Kronik gets into the ring (I already forgot which one) and kicks Mike Sanders. This happens inches from Jay – he is still oblivious
5)    Jay starts fighting with the other member of Kronik. Doesn’t question why they are out there.
6)    Kronik takes money they got from Sanders and start stuffing it down his throat because they are idiots. Okay – Clark and Adams being fiscally irresponsible might be the most realistic thing on this show.
7)    Cat kicks Sanders. Jay turns around, totally ignores all the cash laying on the mat because that is totally fucking normal, and counts the pin.

Tony Schiavone “The fans are out on their feet!” Whatever you say Tony.

Goldberg and Ric Flair are watching the footage of Totally Buff arriving at the arena. I don’t think I can handle wrestlers actually watching the show they are on. Of course – that is a hell of a tape delay they are on.

Anyway – this is here because “way to obvious he is about to turn heel” Ric Flair convinces Goldberg to allow him to make it a No DQ match. Flair then makes Goldberg talk to some fans who are in no way, shape or form plants who are going to some how screw Goldberg over before the night is done. Nope, no way.

TEAM CANADA (LANCE STORM/ELIX SKIPPER/MIKE AWESOME) vs. FILTHY ANIMALS (REY MISTERIO JR/KIDMAN/KONNAN) – Penalty Box Match with Jim Duggan as special ref.

Oh Fuck…. I know where this is going.

Only TNA… wait this WCW but I totally shoot just wrote TNA because something as ridiculous as Jim Duggan Canadian nationalist would be ripped right from their headlines too.

Duggan explains the rules of the match and it goes about as well as you expect. Pretty much it ends with Schiavone and Hudson being baffled about what Duggan said and Konnan cackling with laughter for the first minute.

I am going just list the penalties and then skip to the swerving

  • Skipper and Awesome are immediately sent to the box for being heels. They are in for a minute.
  • Awesome and Storm are both then sent to the box at the same time because we aren’t afraid to repeat spots. At least, this time tells the story that Duggan wasn’t able to count a pinfall because he was too busy sending guys to the penalty box.

Interjection: I never realized how weird it was to watch a guy take a flat back bump while doing a dropkick but Elix Skipper is here to show you how weird it is.

  • Kidman and Rey are both sent to the Box because Duggan was too busy yelling at the women. Some how this is a two minute minor. When laying out the match, my first thought is definitely make sure there is a two minute period where Konnan has to wrestle.
  • Oh NOW the women are put in the penalty box. And in answer to my pondering above – Awesome decides to apply a chinlock because when you have a 3 on 1 advantage, you wanna go for a rest hold.
  • Everyone starts brawling at ringside so everyone but Rey and Storm are in the Penalty Box. That includes Tigress because in this match doing a Bronco Buster isn’t a DQ, just a penalty. (There is also Mike Awesome trying to cut some folks hair but that doesn’t go anywhere tonight so let’s just move on.)

Finish is Duggan unable to control the chaos and while his back is turned, Storm gets the single leg crab on Kidman and Kidman pitifully taps out which Duggan takes his sweet time calling for the bell.

Wait… when the fuck does Duggan turn? You are going to make me look this up. God Damn WCW make me do research. (Now I am even more confused… it apparently was like a good six months before the show. Okay….)

Backstage interview with the Natural Born Thrillaz. Chuck Palumbo says that in five years he will own wrestling. Whoops.

DDP and Kevin Nash are stretching. DDP and Kevin Nash are stretching with the boom mic in the shot.

TERRY FUNK vs. MENG vs. CROWBAR – WCW Hardcore Championship

The video package review this feud is basically a parade of Terry Funk giving Meng and Crowbar unprotected chair shots. Meng has the physical hardcore title but Funk is the actual champ.

Meng is out first. Then Funk comes out and before he gets to the ring, Crowbar jumps him. Marvel at Crowbar giving Terry Funk the gentlest char shots ever. They brawl into the bathroom. I was gonna say that the most business exposing thing about this show was that the bathroom was empty but then I noticed it was the women’s room and I was like “Oh, of course, it is empty.”

The entire match is a backstage brawl with Daffney’s screaming providing the soundtrack. Lots and lots of unsold headshots. It is kinda great that Meng will wander into the picture, waffle both guys so Crowbar and Funk brawl with each other just to escape Meng and then like two minutes later we repeat the process. Meng as a Tongan Jason is awesome.

HA! Daffney’s screaming got so loud and so close to the microphones that they have to mute the crowd noise for a couple of minutes.

This might be my new go to example of terrible yet fun match. Zero semblance of selling or logical transitions. Three guys I like to love doing moves that really aren’t in their long term best interest (granted, I know saying that about Terry Funk in the year 2001 is idiotic). This would have been better on a random episode of Thunder.

Meng is rewarded for carrying the belt around all week by becoming the champ.

Ric Flair gives the Cat the rest of the night off in – based on what happens the rest of the show – an impressive bit of plot hole closing logic from WCW creative.

Mean Gene interviews Sid and it appears that someone entered the Big Head NBA Jam cheat code on Sid but in a bit of lazy coding forgot to apply it to Sid’s ballcap. I can’t stop staring at how tiny it is.

NATURAL BORN THRILLERS (CHUCK PALUMBO/SEAN O’HAIRE) vs. THE INSIDERS (KEVIN NASH/DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE) – WCW WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP

So there is a video package showing how the NBT got this title match by winning a Battle Royal where they were all the last four guys. The entire thing is how YOU WON’T WHICH TWO OF THE FOUR YOU ARE GOING TO WRESTLE! MIND GAMES!!! That would be great except for that part of the show earlier where Sanders announced it would be Palumbo and O’Haire.

Scott Hudson just said Kevin Nash was in the best shape of his career. Scott Hudson is a God Damn liar.

Oh okay – now it makes a little more sense. Sanders comes out with the rest of the NBT and says that they will just make substitutions in the match as it goes along (thus making it 6 on 2). But then Ric Flair is out to say that since Sanders lost his match and no longer has any power everyone not named Chuck Palumbo or Sean O’Haire need to get to stepping. So happy we had that time filler.

Tony Schiavone just said Kevin Nash was the greatest big man ever seen in WCW. Tony Schiavone is a God Damn liar.

Real talk – this match isn’t horrible. For me – it is being hurt because this show already is like 812 hours long and the typical overbooked finish.

These are the people not a part of the match involved in the finish:

  • Mike Sanders
  • Mark Jindrak
  • Shawn Stasiak
  • Reno
  • Doug Dillinger
  • All the other WCW Security dudes who never got names
  • Lex Luger
  • Buff Bagwell (dressed like a ring tech)

The Thrillers are now the champs.

SHANE DOUGLAS vs. GENERAL RECTION – US Heavyweight Title, First Blood, Chain on a Pole Match

Fuck you Dolfan

Shane Douglas wins the US title in the third match of the last four to have a ref distraction finish.

TOTALLY BUFF (LEX LUGER/BUFF BAGWELL) vs. GOLDBERG/SARGE DEWAYNE BRUCE – No DQ, if Goldberg’s team loses, Goldberg is banned from WCW forever.

Michael Buffer says LET’S BRING THEM ON!!! And my whole world is shook.

This entire Buffer introduction could be put into a time capsule to show everything that is wrong with WCW in these dying days.

I am now convinced that Robbie Rage is a member of WCW security and we aren’t supposed to notice.

In trying to understand the setup for this match I have learned that it is impossible for me to rub my temples and type at the same time. However, the output of what would appear if I was using my elbows on the keyboard would be the same as WCW creative.

Goldberg is doing streak #2 because his next loss means he is fired because that’s the strategy of a winning company. Cut loose your biggest draw so he can sign with any of your competitors all due to losing a match. (Obviously looking at it from the kayfabe sense – I mean letting a high priced, injury prone guy who needs shoulder surgery go isn’t a bad decision.)

For you millennials out there – “Sarge” Dewayne Bruce is Sergeant Buddy Lee Parker formerly one half of the State Patrol and the head trainer of the Power Plant. Lots of HE IS A GREAT TRAINER BECAUSE HE IS AN ASSHOLE!!! Banter. He also has a broken arm. So of course Goldberg tags him in because Goldberg is an idiot.

Scott Hudson reminds us that Goldberg signed autographs for the fans because that happened forever ago on this show and it is super important. Why do you say that? Because said fans just happened to be at ring side. Luger threatens the young one and Goldberg comes for the save and the fan maces Goldberg. SHOCKED! SHOCKED I TELL YOU! The best is that WCW Security jumps the guy and then they are all like “Oh wait – we can just let him stand here”

Goldberg then fights Totally Buff off forever while blinded before losing. Everyone is SHOCKED! SHOCKED I TELL YOU! (Okay – maybe the crowd is mildly indifferent.)

I would complain about how much time is spent watching guys pour water into Goldberg’s eyes but we get PPVs now with commercials in them so what the fuck do I know.

SCOTT STEINER vs. SID vs. JEFF JARRETT vs. ROAD WARRIOR ANIMAL – WCW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP

Yup – Road Fucking Warrior Fucking Animal is Ric Flair’s mystery man. You can’t make this up. Flair hated Scott Steiner so much that he found a man who would be even worse at the wrestling than Steiner.

The mystery guy also doesn’t show up right away. In fact he shows up AFTER Sid breaks his fucking leg. (This is set up at the beginning of the match with Flair declaring that the match is gonna start now and the guy will show up later.)

Basically – I am just waiting to see if the Network edits Sid’s injury. There is literally no other reason anyone should ever watch this match ever again. Place your bets now.

The answer is….

INJURY IS EDITED OUT!

God bless you WWE Network executives

What is not edited out is all the stalling Scott Steiner has to do to cover for A) the mystery man walking in from the back and B) Sid having shattered his leg.

The finish is mystery man getting to the ring, kicking Sid once and Steiner pinning Sid to retain the title. SWERVE~! Then he unmasks as Animal.

Sigh… the show felt as long as the length of time it eventually took me to actually review it. It is not even close to being the worst PPV of all time. In fact, I really could cobble together one hell of a WCW Saturday Night episode out of this PPV.

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DRIVERETTE (9182014)

(by DEAN RASMUSSEN)

Eh, I try to put together a string of a thousand straight days of wrestling reviews but a lot of things conspire against me:  Football season, work, 70 of my  children, my new old guy metalish band (that debuts at the Wonderland in RVA on October 4th opening for fucking DRUGLORD!), choir practice with my daughters, my sons football practice- which are all just a smokescreen for the fact that I only get excited when new Big Japan shows up on the internet.  So some showed up, so here we are.  Behold.  The Professional Wrestling.

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SINGLES GOING STEADY
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SHUJI ISHIKAWA/KOHEI SATO vs. DAISUKE SEKIMOTO/ RYUCHI KAWAKAMI – BIG JAPAN PRO WRESTLING (8/24/2014)

FUCK. YES.  Ah, bring me the stiff.  If you are new to the NEW ERA of DVDVR Sporadic Reviewing of The Pro Wrestling, Shuji Ishikawa and Kohei Sato are the tallest meanest stiffest-working tagteam in Japan and THUS they are my current favorite tagteam.  I love everything about Kohie Sato.  He is probably my current favorite wrestler.  YEah, I will say now that he is.  Fuck yes, may they reign forever. Shuji Ishikawa and the good-lookin’ Emo boy Ryuchi Kawakami start out and Shuji offers up a clean break because this is some kind of fuckin sunday school or something.   I don’t know, maybe they are going to put on tiaras and have a tea party too.  They do a Greco Roman knuckle lock and I love it when they tease me before they fucking kill each other.  They work a headlock/headscissors section and tag out.  Sato and Sekimoto lock it up and they fiddle with headlocks.  In the midst of synching the headlock in on Kohei Sato, Sekimoto has a look of dread on his face, as if he knows that after the headlock, Sato will use his entire 6’4″ frame to beat the living breathing dogpiss out of him.  After the headlock, Sato begins beating the leaving breathing dogpiss out of Sekimoto.  Sekimoto powers out of an arm submission so he can stand toe to toe with Sato- who just fucking blasts into the skull of Sekimoto like a fucking lunatic.  Then he kicks Sekimoto in the chest a bunch and I remember the rush, the thrill- of watching Japanese wrestling.  Shuji Ishikawa tags in and remembers he also will pulverize a motherfucker.  Our motherfucker at the moment is Sekimoto.  BUT he crawls over to Kawakami to allow Kawakami and ishikawa to just fucking GO AT IT and it is the brawling that I have loved since watching my first wrestling match in 1969.  Ishikawa tags out and Sato hits Inverted Reverse Falcon Arrow #31 of the New Era.  He tries for his breath-takingly beautiful piledriver, but the young, good-looking Emo boy Kawakami is powerful and preposterously tough and he powers out and tags in Sekimoto.  Sekimoto is MODE: HOUSE A-FIRE and it is a good role for him.  He can look berserker and hits nice lariats and then here hits a sweet Brainbuster.  Sato cuts off Sekimoto and just smashes Sekimoto’s skull with a forearm and tags in a generally pissed off Ishikawa.  Ishikawa does some strange knee-based offense off the second rope to set-up a very short abdominal stretch moment that Sekimoto cuts short by quickly hitting the ropes- because Sekimoto is a dope and thus wants fucking Shuji fucking Ishikawa to go back to savagely beating the fuck out him.  Sekimoto is pretty awesome brawling in this though- so I’m guessing the point of the this match was for Sekimoto to try to get closer to Sato in the eyes of the Big Japan following by showing that take and dish out an ass-beating.  Kawakami tags in and he looks far more comfortable brawling and suplexing.  Ishikawa is pretty great in this selling the damage of Kawakami’s Released German by stumbling while being enraged, calling for the double team to kill this motherfucker already.  And they do.  BUT Sekimoto does the THOROUGHLY bad ass EVEREST~! German Suplex overhead to the mat on a fully prone Pinning Predicament Ishikawa.  Kawakami- saved and fired up- trades ridiculously huge forearms with Ishikawa until Kawakami’s forearms finally overcomes Ishikawa and allows Kawakami to go for his finisher (whatever that is.  He doesn’t win much yet.) but Ishikawa reverses it into a fucking beautiful K-Driller for two. Ishikawa finally gets Kawakami up into a Diehard Kansai/Last Ride/ Splash Mountain/Razor’s Edge and gets the win.  Man, I hope Sato and Ishikawa keep the belts forever. When they drop them, I hope they drop them to a team with Kawakami.  Kawakami is quickly becoming the next Okabayashi.  Sooooo fucking good.

KAZUKI HASHIMOTO vs KOJI KANEMOTO – BIG JAPAN PRO WRESTLING (8/24/2014)

Oh fuck yes,  Big Japan knows how to take me from “Oh fuck wrestling” to “JESUS! WHY AM I NOT WATCHING THIS YET!”  Surly asshole young punk of Big Japan takes on 90s surly asshole young punk of yesteryear.  Hey!  My favorite match from 1998- Koji Kanemot versus El Samurai- was…. SIXTEEN years ago.  Oy.  Hold me.  I am ever so old…..  But of my pining for yesteryear, lets see what these two folks do when K-Hash tries to do Kanemoto’s signature move.   It’ll be fun.  K-Hash has a fauncy new long vest- like he’s some kind anime character.  Kanemoto’s ring attire whips K-Hash’s ring attire’s ass: Kanemoto has a robe with a ten inch collar- as if he were some kind of Dr Strange villain.   Kanemoto looks aged and intense.  K-Hash looks 12.  They start by punching each other in the face.  Not Sato/Kawakami-level but I would prolly advise watching this before the tag match because every level of stiffness loses miserably to Sato/Ishikawa level of stiff.  But fuck all that, these two brawl like motherfuckers through the crowd with Hashimoto not flinching at flying facefirst into and through a section of chairs.  They get back to the ring and there are no clean breaks (T.A’t.N.A.S.S.).  At 46ish, Kanemoto is still fucking smooth as silk in the ring.  He latches on a totally Volk Han-level leg submission and it is thing of beauty forever.  Hashimoto sells it like Kanemoto is channelling Volk Han by snapping his tendons in two.  Kanemoto kicks him a bit and sinks in the ankle lock.  Kanemoto stands up and starts punching K-Hash in the face A LOT which is fucking awesome.  The crowd gives him the business and he revels in it like the true OG asshole bastard fucker that he is.  They trade kicks for a while and Kanemoto hits another submission and THEN.  K-Hash doesn’t want do the face scrapes.  Kanemoto just fucking punches him in the face to keep him down and hits the face scrapes to set up the TM3 Moonsault.  K-Hash moves and rolls to the floor but Kanemoto lands on his feet and goes straight to the tope.  GODDAM.  Kanemoto punches him in the stomach and then hits a 7 quarters legit spin kick to the teeth and this match is fucking BEAUTIFUL.  Kanemoto then moonsaults into Hashimoto’s knees and Koji takes a running kick to the face.  K-Hash makes with the Kanemoto Face Scrapes and the crowd feels stirrings in their Upset Place as they get behind this snot-nosed little bastard.  K-Hash goes 90s NJ JR with the Fisherman Buster but Kanemoto cuts him off by rolling through a kick into an ankle lock.   Then they do a section of really nice ways of Kanemoto applying the ankle lock and K-Hash escaping and then getting some offense in before Kanemoto cuts him off by spinning into another submission.  K-Hash escapes the cycle by hitting a fucking preposterously nasty Released German that Kanemoto over-rotates for maximum horror.  K-Hash crushes him with a running kick to the face, a BJPW-level legit headbutt and fucking NORTHERN LIGHTS BOMB!  For Two!  Kazuki Hashimoto then does a running kick to the back of the head and the UPSET!  THE UPSET!  This was pretty fucking beautiful.   Postmatch, Koji Kanemoto is amused by K-Hash’s mic skills.

TOMORROW:  I’ll probably write something anyway.

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DRIVERETTE (9242014)

(by DEAN RASMUSSEN)

Day 1 of 1000 straight weekdays of reviewing of Pro Wrestling- the RESTART of the RESTART of the RESTART!.  This one will be less esoterically about my love for obscure Japanese crowbars and more about internet wrestling fans want to talk about.  THEN! I remembered that they want to talk about NXT and the WWE and I haven’t watched that in like five years.  It’s probably no fault of the WWE, I just don’t have time for non-internet wrestling.  So, this will actually be more of the same:  obscure shit that I get excited about when it pops up.  Sorry.   Behold.  The Professional Wrestling.

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SINGLES GOING STEADY
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DR WAGNER JR/ FLAMITA vs TRAUMA II/ PIRATA MORGAN – ARENA SAN JUAN (9/16/2014)

Ringextremo is some kind of YouTube guy/thing that posts sometimes-horrendous/sometimes-good/always-random-as-fudge lucha underbelly matches. This is chock full of guys who were useless to me a year or two ago but seem to be back on the upswing now, and they are all in one ring in San Juan. And of them, PLUS! Flamita – who I’ve never had a problem with/never actually noticed in matches. This hits the ground running with Doc Wagner ripping up Trauma II’s mask while Flamita poses for the rubes. Pirata Morgan is on one knee at ringside to sell a totally shitty kick to the head by Wagner – but fuck it, if I were a bricklayer or bottled water delivery driver in San Juan, it would pretty cool to see Pirata Morgan live and in person – even if he did have to pretend that Dr Wagner’s colossally shitty kick wasn’t colossally shitty.  The auditorium in which they wrestle is pretty awesome. It has a balcony that extends directly out all the way to ringside.  I’m guessing it’s usually used for cattle auctions or something – but it is custom made for wrestling or boxing. The first part is all quebradoras, aforementioned comically shitty kicks and highlarious comedy spots. Flamita is a perfectly fine highflyer that Pirata and T2 bump all over the ring for him – to the delight of the throng that actually appears to be hanging from the rafters. It settles down to T2 beating on Wagner and leading to the first fall of the Wagner doing a very nice 14 step lucha roll-up, thus allowing Pirata and Flamita to take over. Pirata hits two awesome fat old guy powerbombs to cover the corpse of Flamita and I’m confused about who gets the fall. OH! Wagner and Pirata battle it out. Pirata, being the oldest school rudo alive crushes Dr Wagner’s balls and almost gets the pin.  BUT THEN – SHENANIGANS!  I will not give it away. Yeah, this review is even more scattershot than this match.  It’s fitting.  Post-match, Trauma II and Wagner brawl like motherfuckers through the near-riotous crowd – making the “perfectly fine”-ness of the prior ten minutes a little easier to swallow. Oh man, there were some angry folks in San Juan – as Trauma is a complete asshole postmatch. When the garbage is flying into the ring, you know you are watching quality the Lucha Libre.   This definitely makes me wanna see Trauma II vs Dr Wagner Jr.  JESUS,  Pirata’s punches at the end are soooo fucking awesome.  Yeah, this is went from nothing to fucking great in no time.

ZANE DAWSON vs DYLAN KAGE – MIDNIGHT MAYHEM- 3/2014ish:  

Fuck it. YES. FUCK IT.  IT IS TIME! TIME! TIME! It is to eschew contractions and IT IS TIME to watch all this wrestling that has survived several purges of my YouTube Watch Later list – and yet, I never actually watch them.  Until now. BECAUSE IT IS TIME!  TO WATCH! The wrestling that I keep putting off. TIME!  Zane Dawson is fucking awesome and I would have watched this… FIVE months ago if I knew it was him on this episode of Midnight Mayhem.  I don’t recall ever seeing Dylan Kage but most everybody who works this indie – wherever it is, is at least competent. So colour me stoked. I see from the first moments, that Kage is really good at taking an ass-stomping from Dawson, who jumps him and beats him to death early.  Then Zane does an armbar and some guy comes in and CUTZ A PROMO~! mid-armbar. The guy on the STICK is bedecked with fringe and fidgits a lot while talking.  Being indie wrestling with the usual shitty indie PA, you can’t make out any of the filibustering on either side.  Then it kind of ends and we all wonder what it leads to.  I assume Zane Dawson will be beating the crap out of the be-fringed guy- oh! who is actually Dylan Kage.  So that was the set-up.  Fair enough.  Kage has comical facepaint as low-rent as his indie name – but who gives a shit about that- it’s not the hilarious indie get-up in the fight, it’s the fight in the hilarious indie get-up. God, Zane Dawson will bump like a CHAMP for Kage. Kage’s punches are semi-comical and there is a lot of them early, which is thus semi-unfortunate. Dawson leans into everything as hard as he can, so we will always have that.  Kane’s offense is a bit pedestrian – kinda like a peppy version of Lash LaRue but with Dee Dee Ramones face.  Dawson stops the nonsense with a counter to Kane running up the ropes by converting it into a pretty beautiful powerbomb.  Dawson’s punches are world’s better but he doesn’t really lay into his kicks or anything so I’m losing the love for this match.   Dawson then brings me back into the match with infinitely better punching.  It’s a last man standing match so the brawling has to keep you in the match, and brawling is like 65% punching so if the punching sucks your brawl is gonna suck.  This keeps teetering.  They screw up a spot where Kane was supposed to block a punch and instead oversells a punch that never lands- and, yeah, I think we just lost this one.  Kane goes all low-grade lucha/ retro Kanyon on his big comeback and I am having a Devin Storm flashback- or maybe more of an Ace Darling flashback.  Either way it’s not incompetent but it’s very 90s and nobody is laying it in during a fucking Last Man Standing Match.  And they screw up more spots that I don’t think would have been that magnificent if they had hit it correctly, I am now counting the minutes and hoping for… I dunno… buckets of blood?  I don’t think anything is saving this.  Dawson sinks in the armbar that we started this with and the guy who was in the set-up to this comes back out!  Kane hits a flying, spinning crescent savat kick!  The ref never counts because he inexplicably keeps looking at bald guy from the set-up!  Dawson with a chain!  And boy that looked like shit!  But at least it’s over so I can get on with my life and watch the next thing in the Watch Later Bin….

GALLO/ PEGASSO/ REY COMETA vs ARKANGEL DE LA MUERTE/ KAMAITACHI/ SHIGEO OKUMURA – CMLL (5/3/2014)

I’m trying to figure out why I haven’t watched this for three months.  It’s got fucking Arkangel and Shigeo Okamura, WHAT IS MY PROBLEM?  Shigeo and another fave, Rey Cometa go at it and it is everything you want in a opening sequence.  Pegasso and Kamaitachi is also really fun.  Of course, when you watch guys very slowly blow five basic spots, it’s easier to appreciate guys hitting basic stuff really quickly, so the love is kinda contextural against the backdrop of the prior match and all, but fuck the police, Arkangel is fucking beautiful in an classic rudo sense in this.  Punching motherfuckers in the face but also hitting elegant and graceful armdrags that you only get in the Lucha Libre tradition. Rudos take the first fall with a very nice Sharp-shooter-cum-Figue Four submission by Okimura and THEN Kamaitachi with the Kohei Sato Inverted Falcon Arrow #43 of the New Era!  YEaaaaa!  Segunda Caida is everybody being a dick towards Rey Cometa, with Kamaitachi enraging the good-lookin’ technico the most with all sorts of shins across the face of Cometa who was prone on the mat- which made me cheer with utter glee!  Arkangel ups the rudo greatness by laying into the beating of Pegasso like a total bastard.  Okay, this is a fucking GREAT rudo trio.    Rey Cometa uses high-flying to get the technicos back on offense; Gallo and Arkangel go at it totally old school- even to the point of Gallo hitting the Ciclon Ramirez-esque tope.   Cometa’s roll-up evens the score and I assume this will be the rudo hellstorm that we all pray for.  Cometa is all spectacular flying around the ring with Okumura, Pegasso is pretty suave in his paces with Kamaitachi, but Gallo and Arkangel decide to just beat the dogcrap out of each other before Pegasso and Cometa do assorted suicide dives to the floor.  Arkangel, fucking ruling as the rudo of rudos, crushes the the testicles of Gallo when the ref isn’t looking to take the third caida and YOU are sooo filled with love.

TOMORROW: I finish watchin’ and reviewin’ HOMBRE BALA JR/ PEGASSO/ STIGMA vs CANCERBERO/ RAZIEL/ SANGRE AZTECA- CMLL- 5/3/2014!  You are stoked.

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RUSH/DRAGON LEE vs. L.A. PARK/EL HIJO DE L.A. PARK (06/17/18)

(by PHIL RIPPA)

(Handheld)

(“Pro” Shot)

Another attempt to tear down Arena Naucalpan from the inside as this is wild AF.

First things first. God Damn does Rush continue to be one dreamy individual. I would like to believe that if I was gay I could achieve being with a man like Rush. In reality, my mate would be more likely to have a L.A. Park body now. That actually might work out for the best because I pretty positive Rush would insist on me being the bottom and I don’t know if I could handle that type of commitment. I wonder if Rush (or Park for that matter) would be comfortable with some sort of weird Bear/Wolf hybrid (Bolf???). Would this be easier if I qualified as a Silver Fox? I have so many questions surrounding this but this review has clearly taken a turn so let’s agree to put a pin in this.

Second things second. There are two different available versions of this match. One is a handheld shot from further back in the crowd. The second version is more a “pro” shot – as much as one considers the feed from one of the handhelds around ringside a “professional” shot. There are differences so if you are really deep into the CONTEXT~! weeds you will probably need to watch both.

Let me break this down further.

– The handheld does a better job tracking all four guys because it captures a larger section of the ring and ringside area. During the second caida – L.A. Park is headbutting the fuck out of Rush. The pro shot focuses just on that because it is about two feet away. In the handheld, you see Park Jr. waffling Dragon Lee at the same time. There is also a moment when there are stereo beer tray shots. Watching the “pro” shot – I missed the second one at the time.

– However, there are times when the “pro” shot reveals far more. Early in the first caida, Rush just vanishes from view for a good half a minute. When he returns – he is carrying a nearly fill beer bucket that is flung directly into Park’s head. The “pro” shot helpfully follows Rush and shows him dutifully filling up the bucket since clearly it needed more heft since the booze to damage ratio needed to be upped. (And really all that was sacrificed was some Corona. The world will keep on spinning.)

– Sound and visuals are better on the “pro” shot. Since it is closer – the blood is readily apparent. You see everything that is white turning red. And you also hear things better like when Dragon Lee and Park Jr. start wailing on each other to start the third caida.

– The handheld is unedited while the “pro” isn’t. The “pro” version missed the entrances and the early early start of the match. It also edits out the breaks between caidas (There is also a quick edit in the middle of the third caida.) The handheld has everything. The difference is like eight minutes worth of stuff.

You get the gist. Don’t say I didn’t warn you and that I didn’t just write all this to drag this out because all you fuckers had to read it. Of course, you have already all be tl:dr which makes me question why you were reading DVDVRs in the first place. I mean outside of Schneider – we have never really been brief. Keystrokes. Nothing but wasted keystrokes.

Let’s see – what else do I want to say about this match?

First Caida is all the rudos doing rudos things and just kicking the Parks asses. This really is the ideal match for L.A. Park to be working. Meandering around, bleeding, resting against things as he gets hit really hard. (I kid because I love the wrestler of the year.) After Park’s mask gets ripped – he spends the rest of the match looking like a quasi-bloody Bandido and it is awesome.

Second Caida is the technicos making the fiery comeback which nearly blows the roof off the place. Somewhere around this time (It might have been the end of the first caida – watch it yourself and find out) folks start getting hit with Park’s belt. And every single time a blow is struck it sounds like a shotgun blast. Sweaty bodies and skeleton leather make for an outstanding combo. Well not for the wrestlers. I doubt this is one of those ceiling tile deals. This shit hurts. Though, if the ceiling tile was asbestos filled we are having a different discussion.

The first two caidas were brawls all over the arena and spanned about 10 minutes. The third caida is all in the ring and more of a “traditional” lucha fall. I might be stretching the definition of traditional since kids these days sure love to drop each other on their heads with Poison Ranas. Or the moment I was like “Please tuck your head Dragon Lee. For the love of God please tuck your head. Holy Fuck, you almost forgot to tuck your head.” I can say for sure that what was traditional was the finish being lots of horse shit with the ref. I guess I am a little more forgiving in this match since in my dumb ass mind I treat this like “house show” lucha so I just kinda shrug my shoulders at a “Rudos beat on a ref until the ref costs them the match” finish.

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