DEATH VALLEY DRIVERETTE 562014- DEMOLITION DAVIES! YEA! EL HIJO DEL SANTO! BOO!

[DEAN]

DRIVERETTE 552014

 

Let me delve deep into a match I like.  And get pissed off by a match I wanted to like.

 

BEHOLD,  THE PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING!

 

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Shake your hair girl with your ponytail, takes me right back, when you were young

 

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SVENSK WRESTLING SYD- DEMOLITION DAVIES vs HARLY RAGE- 2/15/2014:  Okay, It takes less than one minute for me to dig SWS from Sweden.  The match consists of 400 pound Demolition Davies against Sweden's 300 pound youngster, Harly Rage.  Davies is assisted to the ring by Amber Rox- a German young lady who I feel would get kicked out of Germany's version of Chik-Fil-A because she so NASTY! (1)  So much sleaziness and awesomeness just to keep the youth of Sweden occupied long enough to keep them from worshiping Odin and burning down 500 year old churches.  C'mon kids,  get with the Pro Wrestling, it's cooler than Satan and you can still listen to death metal.  Rage is thick and looks powerful and cagematch.net sez that he has been wrestling one year-  and it laso sez that his finisher is called the Rage Butt!  I remember the Rage Butt... yes, the Rage Butt..... ah sweet college/free clinic memories ...  This match early on is completely based on fat, fatness and ways to use your fat to inflict pain.  Davies uses his fat thusly:  1.) Standing on Rages back, 2.) uses the fattest part of his Clubbing Forearms, 3.) placing the fat that packs around his junkular region into the small (thus least protected by the precious precious fat) of the back of Rage.  Of the three, the crushing, crashing Clubbing Forearms are the most beautiful- allowing us to revel in the clubbing, the meaty fatty splatty clubbing sound lilts through the Swedish air into the camera into the internet into your media viewing area and we are all united in Wrestling Love as we feel- in our SOULS- the crashing, smashing clubbing forearms unite us in our pure and proper love of real big fat guys beat the living dogshit out of each other.  But back to the chinlock.  The chinlock is used to set up Demolition Davies to shoot Harly into the corner to then allow Davies to do the tribute to one of the finest fat boys to ever wrestle- Rikishi, in that Davies runs into the corner ass first and forces all the remnants of the weiner schnitzel, Hardee's mushroom and swiss 3/4 pounders, several dozen newly minted Krispy Kreme Donuts,  copious amounts of Cracker Barrel biscuits and gravy- all that couldn't be reached by man of normal arm length and gigantic girth, all the regions that are difficult to get the Water Pik up into.  Afterwards, Harly makes a very unhappy face.    As would you.  As would I.  It is wrestling at its most real.  MAYBE TOO REAL! Harly retaliates!  After an altercation with sweet young thing- Amber Rox, he hits some nice fatboy lariats into the corner.  Davies cuts him off with a DDT and Motherfucking BACK RAKE~!  So yeah, I really can't give this match enough stars.  And then the Clubbing Forearms return.  Harly does the only thing that counter Clubbing Forearms, YES!, Harly hits the Standing Fatboy Dropkick!   Davies flies to the floor and  almost splatters on top of our Doro Pesch Of Wrestling, Amber Rox- and Harly makes with his own Clubbing Forearms.  They lethargically brawl around the Malmo bingo hall and crawl back into the ring.  Davies crushes him with his Standing Sideways Watanabe Screwdriver but Harly kicks out.  They stand and bash each other about until Harly POPS THE CROWD! by body slamming the enormous Davis!-  but Davies kicks out.  Davies totally destroys Harly with much nastier SSWS but plays to the Malmo rubes too long and misses a second buckle moonsault- allowing Harly to hit a Fat On Fat Nodawa for two.  Harly pushes his luck and tries to slam him again but Davies MORPHS his fat from other parts of his body  to make himself an German, sinister, unbalanced load, crushing Harly completely with his altered morbid obesity.  The crowd is crestfallen- BUT they really start becoming molten for the Swedish fatness when Harly somehow gets his shoulder up!  Davies sez through his body language that he has had enough of this Swede's bullshit and is going to Demolish him with his own finisher.  Davies tries to get Harly to go up for the Nodowa but you must realize that- to master a wrestling hold, one must master all the counters to said wrestling hold- so wrestling psychology dictates that it is very difficult to actually procure the opponent's finisher onto himself.  Here is a perfect example:  Davies tries to lift him but Harly rolls into a beautiful Sasaki Judo Throw, crumpling Davies to the mat like so much boiled cabbage-  thus allowing Harly to get to the toprope and finish off the hundred pound heavier opponent with the toprope headbutt which I believe is called the RAGE BUTT~!  It should now be called the RAGE BUTT OF VICTORY!  As he has ridden the Rage Butt to the pay window!  Oh fuck yes! 

   

 

@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ TODO X EL TODO- EL HIJO DEL SANTO/ HORUZ/ HURACAN RAMIREZ vs ANGEL BLANCO JR/ CIEN CARAS JR/ EL HIJO DEL SOLITARIO- 9/29/2013:   I'm not sure how this got past me.  I thought I was following TheCubsFan's lucha libre match postings pretty closely and I'm always trying to stay alert for El Hijo Del Santo matches so I don't have any idea.  So, better late than never.  I think the story of the match is that Santo has taken a batch of masks from the other side and they want to kick his ass.  It's a common El Hijo Del Santo story- since he's gonna be buried with mask but he WILL fearless bleed all the way through his mask so you can get your heat back with out taking his mask.   I'm not sure how this Huracan Ramirez(2) is related to THE Huracan Ramirez or to Ciclon Ramirez.  All I know is that the REAL connection I ever got to straight up old school Lucha Libre was watching Ciclon Ramirez matches on assorted comp tapes from the days when the internet was new and anything was possible.  So hope can only spring eternal that this Ramirez at least has a deadly tope.   Santo and Angel Blanco Jr hit the ring 10 minutes in and they do the Santo Headscissors Variations and your traditional Lucha Libre Heart sings.  After the apex of the staked Spinning Headscissor thingy and possibly the preparation for Santo To Bleed begins.  First loosening the mask by Angel and then El Hijo del Solitario posting him and then the whoopin up on Ramirez to distract from Santo blading.  We have the rudos beating the lesser technico member to take the fall.  We await the second caida to see if we actually have a bloodbath on our hands but we do not and I am not very happy with match. En lieu of hatred and blood,  they opt to crush Santo's testicles on the ringpost and also kind of randomly brawl around the periphery of ring with unimpressive displays of static streetfighting.  the whole second caida is pretty listless and brings every thing to a screeching halt until the tchnicos get the upper hand and it morphs into a straight trios match again so the technicos can take the second fall.  Okay, COME ON THIRD FALL.  DON'T PISS ME OFF!  The technicos try to unmask El Hijo del Solitario and they kick off the third fall:  can this become not a pile of shit in the next 15 minutes, we'll see.  Huracan does some mid-grade highflying.  He is waaay tinier than Ciclon Ramirez so this guys tope will not crush three rows of seats.  Angel Blanco Jr and Horuz fiddle atround a little, with Horuz hitting a few spots a little cleaner than Ramirez.  Caras Jr at least beats on Santo a little start the ball rolling of what should be rudos beating the shit out of Santo.  Instead its Santo hitting assorted dropkicks.  God, this is pretty fucking horrible.   El hijo del Santo hits a nice tope.   Forty one minutes for one Santo tope?  So much for the passion and glory of Lucha Libre.  This was very much a house show effort and about as heatless as a TNA midcard heel turn.  This match pissed me off.  Fuck this match.  Sooooooo.  Yeah.  Avoid this one.

 

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ENDNOTES

 

1.  Young Amber was trained by the awesome Teutonic Dancing Machine- Alex Wright.  So yeah, this match is ruling fifteen was to sunday even before anybody locks up.

2. Luchawiki mentions a Huracan Jr but he lost his mask.  Is it too much to dream that this is just another twist in the Axel El Nieto de El Santo saga?(3)  Oh to dream a dream....

3.  Your backstory: http://www.luchawiki.com/index.php?title=Axel

 

TOMORROW:  Eh, let's see how El Hijo del Santo fares against La Migra. And MORE RAMPAGE BROWN!

 

[Alan4L]

I don't check DVDVR for a few days and I come back to find all these awesome postings! Great stuff Dean.

[DEAN]

Thanks Alan!  

 

I think Sweden might be the new weird ass hotbed of wrestling.