DEATH VALLEY DRIVERETTE 03022016! KOHEI SATO~! ZEUS~!

[DEAN]

WELCOME TO YOUR DEATH VALLEY DRIVERETTE~! for 03022016!

 

DDT DNA 13- 1/8/2016

[RASMUSSEN]

 

SHUJI ISHIKAWA/ ZEUS vs KAZUSADA HIGUCHI/ SUGURU MIYATAKE: I think I've seen maybe four Zeus matches in my life.  I am going to the cagematch.net to look at his profile and see what there is to this tattooed man who may be on steroids or maybe really really really works out a lot. 5'11" and 231, he is a big fella for the lesser Japanese feds. Last year, he lost a match as a member of a mob that lost to Aja Kong in DDT.  I guarantee you that I don't want to see that.  Maybe Higuchi and Miyatake have less generic of a profile.  Higuchi is a 27 year old rookie who is a former sumo wrestler though he doesn't look very rotund or long-haired.  He wrestled amatch in Big Japan last year, but not against anybody who would beat him to the point of running scared back to the basho or anything.  Jesus Christ, Miyatake is a 24 year old rookie who was not afraid to wrestle against fucking MURAKAMI and MINORU SUZUKI in Tokyo Gurentai in one match.  He also wrestled Takayama a few months before that.  So Miyatake is someone I haven't seen yet but who is already beaten to my heart.  That's odd that this will be his 111th match and fucking Shuji Ishikawa will the THIRD stiffest guy he has ever been in the ring with, fourth if you count Takayama back when he was healthy.  So this is shaping up to be more fun than I was planning on. Higuchi is 6'1" and thus Ishikawa only slightly towers over him.  Higuchi looks good trading shoulder blocks with Ishikawa and is good exerting his size.  Big Japan should steal/borrow this guy for their Strong Style division. My hero Miyatake taunts Zeus before they even lock up by doing body building poses, so they have a pose down and a large contingent of DDT's core audience quickly masturbates furiously.  Miyatake is less thick, tall and sturdy as his partner so Zeus gets off some power moves and tags in Ishikawa to stomp on him a bit.  Miyatake fires back and looks fine- but he takes Ishikawa's offense like Curt Hennig in 1987 and thus show us his strength. He trades chops with Zeus and also sells them to make Zeus look like a true ass-beater.  They beat on him a while, and he fires back enough for the crowd to get behind his babyfaceness as he struggles to escape the punishment of the veterans.  He gets in a nice shoulderblock on Zeus and tags out, allowing Higuchi to be a really fun house of fire.  DDT really needs to grab these guys, Guanchulo and Katsumata from the match prior to this one, Ryuichi Sekine and Saburo Inematsu plus Kazumi Kikuta abd Toshiyuki Sakuda from the Big Japan match I reviewed from 2/18 and create a NWA US tag title division- something they haven't tried in the Japanese indies since Ikuto Hidaka and Minoru Fujita were the finest Rock and Roll Express to be in Japan in the late 90s.  It would be fun.  It's already making undercard matches that one would usually glaze over while watching, but instead actually being really fun.  Imagine my delight at a match like this, where it has a guy I really dig, like Ishikawa here, and the match becomes a Southern tag match; instead of just a sadistic thrill of Zeus and Ishikawa beating the life out of two rookies.  So Higuchi on offense is really fun because he stays aflame as he chops Zeus into the corner and brings a corner lariat like a BIG BOY!  Zeus is awesome putting him over by reversing a snap suplex but immediately tagging out and hitting the floor to sell the damage.  Yea Zeus!  I like you because of that!  Shuji Ishikawa crushes Higuchi in the corner while Miyatake scoffs at him- "MIRAKAMI!  Fuckin MIRAKAMI!"  Ishikawa does a running knee to the stomach.  Miyatake says to himself, "Okay, yeah that looked like it hurt."  Higuchi sells the knee to the stomach like Shuji Ishikawa ran full speed into your stomach with his knee.  Ishikawa goes for the powerbomb but Higuchi powers out.  Miyatake seems to puss out on the tag- which is awesome and understandable.  Ishikawa responds by kicking Higuchi really hard in stomach.  Higuchi and Ishikawa trade chops and forearms in the center of the ring and Big Japan REALLY needs to steal this guy.  He does not look or wrestle like a rookie and he can bring the stiffness. Plus he has a nice dropkick.  Miyatake finally opts to tag in after Higuchi gets Ishikawa off his feet, but Ishikawa responds by hitting Miyatake in the face harder than I think even Mirakami or Minoru Suzuki hit him in the face.   It is some nastiness.  Miyatake hits a really nice elbow flying off the second rope and they DOUBLE TEAM!  Flying Elbows and Lariats in the corner to set up Haguchi's Overhand Powerbomb into a Miyatake frog splash!  Miyatake hits the ropes to do another roaring elbow but Ishikawa knees him in the stomach to tag in Zeus who crushes him with a lariat in the corner  and released belly-to-belly to set up the stereo, complete-wedgie chokeslam for the... Higuchi with the save!  Ishikawa crushes Higuchi with a lariat sending him over the toprope.  Miyatake gets some nearfalls but Zeus hits a manly lariat that would have finished it if Higuchi didn't make another save.  As Zeus hits the chokeslam for the win, I note that this was really fucking good.  Postmatch, Zeus offers his hand IN FRIENDSHIP!  Miyatake seals his fate as a Wrestler That Dean Loves by smacking Zeus in the face.  Zeus smiles.  You smile.  I smile.  Wrestling has made us happy for a moment.                 

KOTA UMEDA vs KONOSUKE TAKESHITA: Coming up

 

BIG JAPAN PRO WRESTLING- 2/18/2016

[RASMUSSEN]

 

KOHEI SATO/ SHUJI ISHIKAWA vs HIDEYOSHI KAMITANI/ RYOTA HAMA: Jiminy, the Big Japan tag title scene is fun. Mostly because Hama is really fat and splatty and Hideyoshi Kamitani is really fun to watch in this, his first push.  The Twin Towers put the belts on the map, one massive ass beating at a time.  Here they can frolic in the division they created.  Kohei Sato tries to move the fatness of Hama and fails and it angers him.  Hama knocks Sato to the ground with his fatness, forcing despondent Ishikawa to tag in and try to do something with the giant pile of tag champion that they cannot move. One of my favorite things about Hama is that when charges at the opponent to shoulder block them with immovable density, he makes the face that the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man makes when he catches on fire at the end of Ghostbusters.  Go watch, you will be enchanted.  After knocking Ishikawa to the mat, he tags out to Kamitani and Hama has the expression that says, "I've done about all I can with these two.  Destroy them, boy."  Kamitani starts in with the shoulder to the stomach in the corner and goes for the bodyslam.  Ishikawa remembers that he TOWERS over opponents and kicks Kamitani in the stomach and tags in Kohei Sato to deal with this far more reasonable amount of humanity. Kamitani looks panicked as he lays in chops to Sato's chest.  Kohei Sato has the look on his face, "This guy: pulverizable" and proceeds to pulverize Kamitani with kicks all over the back and adds forearms to the head.  Ishikawa stomps on him some more, cutting off Kamtani when he tries to escape with chops, tagging out to have Kohei visit his special brand of horror to the non-obese tag champion.  Kamitani finally shoulderblocks and Hawk shoulderblocks to offense and makes the tag, allowing a giant smokehouse of peanut-fed hams to catch afire and bash Kohei Sato in the face with giant nearly nude buttocks!  Sato's face hits the mat and he wants to cry.  Hama suplexes him but misses the flabalanche!  Sato does the full Ricky Morton forward roll tag and YOU and I both pop like monkeys at the GLORY of PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING!   Hama and Ishikawa just smash each other's faces with forearms and you remember why you love both of these tag teams. Ishikawa sees a weakness and delivers the headbutt!  He hits the ropes to finish Hama with a lariat but Hama recovers and hits the hurtiest highest-caloric flying crossbody in the history of Mexico!  Ishikawa lays on the mat grief-stricken, Sato thinks to himself as he stands on the apron, "Whatever! HIS NAKED ASS TOUCHED MY FACE!"  The Twin Towers try to recover some semblence of their prior reality before the onslaught of so much fat.  Hama rolls over like a giant keg of Golden Coral Chocolate Fountain Sauce and tags Kamitani in. Kamitani tries to add to the horror with a very nice Vertical Suplex on Shuji Ishikawa but falls for the trap of trading chops with a Twin Tower and loses and pays the price of having Sato tag in and also kick the fuck out of him.  Kamitani, being a fiery babyface, gets fired up and gets Sato off his feet and tags in Hama who does an elaborate dance to allow Hama to roll on top of Sato to allow Kamitani to get the pin, all but for the save by Ishikawa.  Sato says to himself, "I'm getting to old for this shit!"  Hama hits the floor to give Ishikawa what for, leaving Kamitani alone with the monstrous Kohei Sato!  Ishikawa gets to the ring and does the AWESOME Rainmaker Substituting A Headbutt For A Short Lariat to Allow Sato to annihilate Kamitani with a released German but opts to keep beating the hell out of the junior member thus allowing Hama to get back to the ring and make a save.  They drive Hama out of the ring and Kohei Sato hits a running forearm to the face into a Sato I HATE YOU Piledriver FOR THE WIN!  I guess that was non-title.  It really sets up a rematch because everybody in the match would want some measure of revenge- Hama for not being able to save Kamitani at the end, Sato and Ishikawa for being the victims of Hama's offense without really getting anything in on him and Kamitani to show that he isn't just glad to be there, but can pull his own weight.  So yeah, they get a lot in 13 minutes.               

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x3vd3gw_hama-kamitani-vs-sato-ishikawa-bjw-2-18-2016_sport

 

HIDEKI SUZUKI/ YOSHIHISA UTO vs DAISUKE SEKIMOTO/ SEIYA SANADA:

 

Tomorrow: The Ladies.