DEATH VALLEY DRIVERETTE 07312015! IF U DNT LK DRGN LEE, GO FCK YRSLF!

[DEAN]

DEATH VALLEY DRIVERETTE 07312015!

 

Sleeker and thinner today!  Why that's not a creepy thing to say at all!  I'll try to edit the second review at some point.

 

~$~

 

SINGLES GOING STEADY!

 

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DRAGON LEE vs KAMATIACHI- CMLL- 3/20/2015- [RASMUSSEN]:  This is the Mask versus Mask match.  A little of how the sausage is currently being made: lately, I've been going through my Dailymotion and YouTube Watch Later lists at night- while watching whatever THESE DAMN KIDS WANT TO WATCH (lately, America's Got Talent a.k.a. Daddy's Gonna Shoot Himself In The Fucking Head If This Thing Doesn't End.  Hahaha! I kid.  That Howie Mandel is a delight....) on my pc on the side and start with stuff that I figure will suck, and that I would not put myself through to review.  THEN, if something jumps out at me while casually checking in on said maligned match, I'll save it.  Thus, the NOZAWA vs MAZADA match that I will review at some point still lives on my list because they did fun brawling things in the crowd at the beginning and it was enough to PIQUE~! my interest.  Meanwhile.... these two Dragon Lee vs Kamaitachi matches are also sitting here though I always intended to review them- because I love the whole Dragon Lee family and I think they are the gears that drive my current Luchga fandom, but they are still sitting here because the time has to be right.  Writing about Lucha is tough.  The psychology is completely different from other styles.  Things that one hates in other style, one will celebrate in Lucha.  You gotta be on your game or it will EAT YOU ALIVE!  LIKE I AM A LARGE MOUTH BASS AND THE LUCHA IS A BEAR! A BEAR IN A CAPE! But I am feeling strong.  I just had the beef with vegetables from Lucky China and the hot and sour soup, so I am energized!  I am ready to stare into the maw of the Lucha bear and smack the salmon of analysis out of it's frothing be-fanged mouth! FUCK YEAH! YEAH! Yeah! Yeah. Yep. So here we go. Dragon Lee is Rush and Mistico II's brother.  He is very young and is a pretty spectacular highflier like his Mistico brother.  Kamaitachi is a great young rudo and I don't remember ever seeing him in New Japan but I dig just about everything he's done in CMLL.  Kamaitachi starts the match by beating the hell out of the slender Dragon and quickly gets the first fall with a really nasty High Angle German Suplex rolled through to another High Angle German with a Bridge for the pin.  This is quality execution of a German Suplex Hold.   Second fall, he takes Lee to the floor and drives him into the rail which leads to a Vertical Suplex on the ramp, another execution of a hold.  The young and Slender Dragon is taking an assbeating and Kamaitachi is supplying it, as young Lee only gets in a single chop before taking a the full fury of his counterpart-  the best being the mad phat air Dragon Lee gets up to after being thrown into the ring from the ramp.  Dragon Lee goes the extra mile and you have to appreciate it.  They stay on the top turnbuckle for the rest of the caida, doing two swanky tree-of-woe spots: Kamaitachi drop kicking while running from the other cornmer and Lee hitting the dropping double dropkick off the top turnbuckle to the prostate and helpless Kamitachi for the second fall.  They wrap up the first two falls in 7 minutes- (unless they were edited. AND WHO COULD BE SURE! Those who were there live of course, but STILL!)  I wonder if the truncating of the first two falls is a concession to AAA getting rid of three falls?  Here they just might as well have two nearfalls and I assume that the last five minutes of this will a lot of nearfalls.  Maybe the story of the match is laid out like a 15 singles match and these two falls were cursory salutes to keeping of Lucha tradition.  Either way, at this juncture, it feels like the match officially starts now.   The ring girl taunts me with the youth and beauty- as if I would have had a chance back when I was youthful and beautiful at her age.  Ah, I wouldn't have gone for her anyway, I like an offbeat beauty.  Someone with a face tattoo.  Dragon Lee starts right in hitting the really fucking beautiful Tope Con Hilo after the in-ring rana- and man does our boy Dragon Lee get some height on his high-flying.  Then he makes with the dropkicks into the corner for two,- AHEM. And I guess the first fall was important when I think about it, because now it doesn't seem odd here that the technico is mauling the rudo.  So yeah, I added a LAYER OF SUBTEXT TO ANALYSIS OF THE WRESTLING MATCH~!  But note that it says "AT THIS JUNCTURE" where I wrote that, so I was conjecturing about the future.  And yes, my conjecture was not actually based in events that actually take place three sentences later.  But I think this internal dialogue helps both of us appreciate the psychology of the match more.  I am here for you.  GOTTDANG!  Kamaitachi transitions to offense by Super Kicking Lee to the floor and hitting the motherfucking ULTRACRAZY running SUWA Double Power Dropkick running off the apron.  That looked fucking crazy all the way around.  This is match already fucking spectacular.  Kamaitachi hits a super kick and does the Arrogant Standing With One Foot On His Chest Pin Attempt Of A Guy Who Is Obviously A Dick!  THEN! A powerbomb after stumbling around on the first Powerbomb!   Lee fucking leans into being posted on the apron and I would expect blood- but these kids today...  Lee fights out of a toprope suplex attempt and then hits a fucking aaaawwwwesome dive over the toprope to Kamitachi on the apron into a rana to the floor.  Jeeez, that was fucking impressive.  Then they completely blow a rana attempt off the apron to the floor- as it looks like Kamaitachi thought he was just doing a running senton and didn't catch him for the rana and they both kinda land on their heads.  Lee then makes Kamaitachi to this whole cheerleading routine when he has to fly up and around Lee's body to finally get into position to be Falcon Arrowed.  It looked as preposterous as a Canadian Destroyer- but this would be the point where you would champion the elaborate stupidity of a move in Lucha but then you would villify it if you saw the same thing in ROH.  (Replace the word "you" with the word "me" in the last sentence.)    Lee clobbers Kamitachi with one of the only dropkicks on a guy sitting down that has actually impressed me in the time that that spot has become the new headlock- as he catches him right under the chin.  Kamaitachi counters out of the pinning predicament and sinks in the Step Over Toehold Front Facelock!  Lee escapes and they trade German Suplexes.  They then have an awkward dropkick spot.  Dragon Lee is inconsistent- but his breathtaking highspots are way on the high end, and his crappy execution on other things isn't in the realm of horrendous- so in final analysis, he is winning this war of execution of wrestling spots.  Kamitachi does the fucking INSANE top turnbuckle Senton to Lee on the floor.  Last time I saw something like that, Great Sasuke cracked his skull.  Baby Richard is fucking great in this match, making all the nearfalls like the equivalent of a 6 count.  Kamaitachi does the really great dropkick running off the ramp over the toprope into Lee in the middle of the ring.  I love Kamaitachi for his general great great rudoness but he can whip out the lunatic Lucha Libre offense with the best of them.  Kamaitachi places Lee on the toprope and punches him in the face.  Lee counters with all kinds insane dropkicks on the apron and  really insane one over the toprope to Kamaitachi on the floor.   Lee then gets Kamitachi in the ring and hits the perfect Phoenix-Plex, the fucking craziest finisher currently being used.  Here's what it looks like:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CfPhWS-hYYk

FOR THE WIN!   Kamaitachi should count his blessings that a.) Dragon Lee wasn't having a lapse in execution when hitting the Phoenix-Plex and didn't paralyze him, and b.) that he doesn't have to wear that wool and carpeting mask anymore.    That thing had to be sweltering.  What a fucking highspot-drenched match.  Yeah, I'm usually immune to that kind of stuff these days but I usually never actually sit down and get to be absorbed by the story of the match.  This was a match that was deeply enhanced by the highspots, as opposed to what these usually are, highspots in place of a wrestling match.  Could have used some blood.  But yeah, in about four places you go, "What the fuck were they thinking?"  I got to dig that. 

 

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ YOSHIHIRO HORAGUCHI vs KOUKI IWASAKI- DDT DNA- 7/1/2015- [RASMUSSEN]:  Last time DDT posted a bunch of DNA matches on their YouTube site, Yuji Hino and Diasuke Sekimoto were beating some discipline and experience into their rookies.  This go around, a much stranger batch of MEN-TORZ~! are on board which also includes the ever exciting Kengo Mishimo.  I know I haven't gotten down to the end of the weird ass NOAH SEM matches and here I am going into the DDT version of the same idea.  A man must follow his bliss.  According to Cagematch.net (my lover, my friend), Iwasaki is a rookie and he was trained by UWFi superstar Kenichi Yamamoto?  I find that startling and strange.  Horaguchi is a K-Dojo guy and he has been wrestling 2 years.  Let's see what they got.  Okay fellas, you got ten minutes.  Bring us the magic.  Iwasaki starts out like he was trained by Yamamoto- all kicking and stuff.  Then he reminds you that UWFi was as much a work as any other wrestling organization and does an armwringer- as they do a lot of things that rookies do in rookie matches to show you that they were taught how start a match and that they aren't backyarders and are trained and shit.  Horaguchi goes for the Top Wristlock and they run the ropes and do some hip tosses.  Horaguchi kicks him in the face and then they stand up in the middle of the ring and start beating the hell out of each other. FUCK YEAH!  Yeah, keeping it simple does mean it has to be boring.  Hell, some of the best wrestling matches on earth were based around the story that one guy is tougher than the other guy and what me punch him in the face a bunch.  Horguchi procures a fucking CRAVATE!  This match is fucking awesome!  For a Rookie match!  Goddamn, neither of these guys are afraid to lay it in.  THEN, Horaguchi does hit a hilariously weak looking kneedrop, THUS this is a rookie match by the way.  Horiguchi is good at controlling the match and knowing when to let loose the forays into stiffness.  Iwasaki does the nice Snap Suplex  after hitting three very not Shoot Style kicks to the corner.  Actually, Horaguchi is deeply pro style in his kicks and punches but they look a lot better than Iwasaki's STRIKING~!   Hell, Iwasaki's Bionic Elbow is perfectly fine.  Iwasaki procures the Cross Armbreaker and Horaguchi hits the ropes to allow Iwasaki to go for his Butterfly Suplex finisher! But Horaguchi hits a COMPLETELY hilarious Savate Crescent Spin Moon Kick!  that looked a lot like an ode to the Cat Ernest Miller than Maeda-Fujinami 89,  I await the Iwasaki to.. do... whatever Glacier ever did.  Horiguchi makes up for it with a Vertical Suplex.  Horiguchi is really good at Pro Style stuff and should never ever stray from that.  As he hits a fucking amazingly hilarious SCISSZZZAHHHHHH KICK!  Iwasaki counters by punching him in the face and they go back to killing each other with forearms and my wrestling laughter turns to wrestling love.  They trade kicks and it's actually pretty good. Oof, Iwasaki does the awesome Butterfly Lift to crush his stomach with a kick to set up the Butterfly Suplex for the win.  MAN, that was great in a couple of ways.  When it was stiff and they were laying it it was really awesome.  When they would hit stuff that they will probably be told not try again until they can hit it without milk flying out of people's noses, it was awesome in a different way.  But I recommend watching it.  For the thrills.  For the laughs.   I got my eye on these two- which is all they could ever want.

 

Possibly more tonight.  Unless the CFL and the women don't let me write...